Author's Note: Wow, yet another fun episode! I wonder why I've enjoyed the last few so much? Eh, maybe because there's so much David and Kai, they're my favorites to mess with. I guess it's a good thing, as when I have fun, it means more laughs for you all. …At least I hope so. Anyway, read and review, please!

Disclaimer: I don't own Blood +.

Blood -

Episode 35

Future Without Hope

At the same moment David and Kai were at the house watching the commercial for Diva's upcoming opera, Saya and Haji were in the city of London, also seeing that very same commercial from one of the many TV screens put up on the street. Saya's eyes narrowed as the Riku-lookin' chick smiled at the camera, a slogan appearing underneath: "Come see the fantastic Diva at the Royal Covent Garden! Her voice is so lovely, you could almost say she's the queen of a murderous and bloodthirsty race who will stop at nothing for our destruction, but don't take my word for it! Buy your tickets today!"

Saya couldn't take it anymore.

"Don't listen to her!!" She cried aloud, jabbing an accusing finger at the advertisement. "It's a sham!! She's a fraud!! It's really a 500-pound Viking opera singer!! Lies! Liiiiiiiiieeeees!!"

The people in the street edged away nervously from them, casting disturbed and concerned looks at the shrieking small Japanese girl. Haji cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry," he apologized to them, "she's on her period."

At this, the women nodded in understanding, and the men flinched in pain.

"Good luck with that!" One man said, patting Haji on the shoulder.

"I do NOT have my period!!" Saya snarled, rounding on Haji now that the commercial was over.

"Then why are you so bleeping crazy right now?"

"I'll show YOU bleeping crazy!!"

Five shadowed figures also watched the commercial from a nearby rooftop. The Schiff had been quite bored and were surprised to see their mortal enemy cavorting around onscreen.

"Diva's song, huh?" Moses muttered to himself, his one eye narrowing.

"I wish it was Beyonce…" Karman muttered quietly to himself.

"Ah! That smell!" Lulu closed her eyes and sniffed at the wind.

"What, is it Saya?" Karman asked.

"No, even better." Lulu smiled. "Hotdogs." Karman stared at her for a moment, then shoved her off the building.

"What?" He asked his companions, feigning ignorance. "My hand slipped."

"Oh, please," Moses snorted. "You're just mad because of the Beyonce thing."

"Am NOT!" Karman protested, tugging down his hood to hide his angry tears. Ignoring their sniveling companion, the Schiff went back to watching the advertisement.

"We should attack her," Darth suggested, and the sunglasses dude (Gudrif?) nodded in agreement. Moses stared at the two of them intensely. "…What?"

"You…you got a little something on your face…" he stated, brushing at the red Thorn cracks creeping over their faces. "…Right there."

"We KNOW!" They shouted together, shoving Moses off the roof to join Lulu down below. They turned and stared at Karman. "We…we slipped."

"See, you guys understand!" Karman exclaimed.

-Back at Gray's House-

Kai stood outside the house in the darkness of the night, staring up at the starry sky while simultaneously voiding his bladder. How little he felt, standing there and peeing, as he gazed up at the glory of the cosmos. How small, and insignificant he seemed, when-

"Hey, Kai, you- whoa!!"
"AUUUUUUUUUGH!!" Kai leapt in fright and hurriedly finished with his business, zipping his fly and whirling around to find a red-faced Monique standing there. "Holy bleep, girl! Don't sneak up on me like that! I was thinking! Now what IS it?"

"Were you thinking about Saya?" Monique asked, a little sadly. Kai blinked.

"What? No, of course not!" He stuttered nervously. "What makes you think that?'

"Well…that." Monique pointed to the ground, where Kai had written 'Saya' in cursive with his urine.

"Oh. Th…that was an accident." Kai quickly kicked dirt over the mess and muttered to himself. "Why is that better than my normal handwriting?"

"What is Saya to you?" Monique pressed. "Do you like her or something?"

The policeman from earlier episodes suddenly rose up from the nearby bushes, staring intensely at the back of Kai's head, who began sweating profusely.

"Er, no, not at all!" The policeman's eyes narrowed, and he slowly sank back down into the shrubbery. "We're family," Kai went on to explain.

"Like Javier and Nahabi?" Monique asked.

"Yeah," Kai agreed, "except I don't wanna bleep 'em."

There was an awkward silence.

"I'm gonna…go clean up some piss or something," Monique stated, then began slooowly backing away. The back door of the house suddenly opened, and David stepped out, all cleaned up (awww, dammit)! He was back in his professional black suit, with his hair combed and face shaven. His mug was all cut up from the razor, as he didn't have so much a face as a skull with skin stretched over it.

"Hey, shut up," David growled, fingering his many cuts. "I got alotta angles to work with, okay?" He glanced over his shoulder at Monique and Kai, who stared at him in surprise." I'm off to London," he told them. "I'll be back tomor- AUUUGH!"

The rabid dog had struck again, this time latching onto one of David's thin legs and attempting to drag him off and bury him, apparently thinking the skinny man was a walking, talking heap of bones (how right it is!) David wasn't one to put up with this crap, and so whipped out his gun and shot the canine several times.

"Stay," he said firmly, holding out a hand to the bleeding dog. It didn't move. "Good boy! Well, I'm off." He turned and walked off into the dark woods. Kai inched closer to the dog's prone body, then went to nudge it with his foot.

"RAFF RAFF RAFF!!"

"OhmiGodit'sstillalive!!"

-With Saya-

Saya and Haji, having been shown out of the city by London security (and ticketed for disturbing the peace), had taken refuge for the night in a small, abandoned church. Saya sat on one of the pews, holding her sword tightly and huddled under a small blanket to stay warm. Haji sat on another bench, his cello leaning against his knee as he played. Halfway through the song, he paused and looked at Saya.

"Do you know how awesomely hot it would be to fornicate in this holy place right now?" He asked in a serious tone of voice.

"I am NOT desecrating a church!" Saya growled back.

"…Just checking." Haji went back to playing the cello, then glanced at his master again. "Saya, you should rest. Why not get some sleep?"

"No, I'm fine," Saya answered stubbornly. "Don't worry about me."

Haji, in retaliation, began playing a lullaby.

"Aagh! No! S-stop it! I'm not…Zzzzz…"

-Elsewhere-

Back in the city of London, the Schiff were busy scouring the streets for a suitable hiding place for the night. Lulu chose a large, abandoned warehouse by the docks and led the others to it.

"Come on, it's fine!" She promised them, sliding open the heavy door. "It's not like we'll be hideously slaughtered by the foe in here!"

"Well I'm convinced!" Moses stated, following her inside. The others rolled their eyes but entered also, closing the door behind them.

"Look," Lulu giggled, lighting a small candle so it cast its feeble flame around the dark room, "it's the light of hope! Tee hee!"

"Okay," Karman drawled, "that was so cheesy, I'll be backed up for a week."

"You got more than crap stuck up there!!" Lulu hollered at him, but before the two could go at it, there was movement in the dark corners of the warehouse. Someone was there!

"Suck on the light of hope, freak!!" Lulu shrieked, snatching up the candle and whipping it at the figure closest to her. Immediately it caught on fire and howled in pain, rolling on the ground. "Hmm…hope's a pretty powerful weapon. A-haha!"

"We're surrounded!" Moses growled as more figures leapt from the shadows and formed a ring around the Schiff. "Who the hell are these bastards?!"

"They're Lil' J's Hot Back-Up-Dancing Crew!" A voice answered from above. The Schiff looked up to see James standing on the second story of the building, who then shrugged. "Also known as the Corpse Corps, but my name is much cooler, right dawg? And now, time to die." He cleared his throat, pulled out a microphone, and began rapping. "First we bleep you up, then we bleep you down, next we bleep you all around and leave you in the ground!"

"You're gonna kill us…with your horrible lyrics?" Karman asked in confusion. "And apparently bleep us?" James scowled.

"NO! I said bleep you UP, not bleep YOU. There's a huge difference there. Now my back-up dancers are gonna slaughter you punk-asses! Go, homies!" Immediately the Corpse Corps soldiers obeyed, leaping at the Schiff and engaging them in combat. The poor vampire-wannabe's were no match at all to the superior soldier's hot dance moves and undeniable rhythms.

"We can't possibly compete with their hot moves!" Gudrif cried in dismay before he was cut down.

"Moses! Let's run!" Lulu wailed as the battle became more and more desperate. "We're gonna get served! There's no way we can win this!!"

"Damn, she's right!" Moses growled, barely able to hold his own against the dancing soldiers. "Wait, I've got it! Everyone!" He turned and hollered over his shoulder. "Aim for the Chevalier! He's the one DJ-ing the beat! They can't dance without music, can they!"

"Good idea!" Karman agreed, and everyone went for James, who indeed had his own turntable and was scratching discs while holding a pair of headphones up to his ear. He saw the Schiff approaching and smirked, a Corpse Corps soldier blocking the way before they could reach him. Suddenly the soldier's mask fell off, and Moses gasped as he found himself gazing back at his own reflection.

"What the…the soldier's have my face!" He cried in shock, then paused. "Damn, I am hot!"

"Shut up and fight it!!" Karman hollered at him.

"I can't! I'm too pretty!"

"Type Moses," James explained with a grin. "Selected from all the prototypes that posses the ideal genetic information and refined into a finished Schiff product, they are born to be high-grade combat weapons." He blinked. "Also, you were the best-looking of the group."

"Ooooh, told you!!" Moses chortled in triumph.

"Hey, I resent that!" Karman snapped, feeling put out.

"Now, I've got a recording session with P. Diddy to get to," James said dangerously, "so can you all please die as quickly as possible? Thanks. …Dawg." The back-up dancing soldiers came forward again, and the Schiff were helpless.

"Quick, get Lulu out of here!" Moses yelled over his shoulder, and Darth quickly dropped his mace and picked the little girl up, then whipped her at the hard and unforgiving wall.

Smack!

"Throw her out the window, you idiot!"

"Oh." Darth blinked (or at least tried to, you know how bleeped up his eyes are), picked up Lulu's broken body, and chucked it out the window. As the little Schiff staggered to her feet, she gazed at the warehouse where sounds of fighting still erupted.

"I'll go get help!" She promised them. "I swear, I'll do whatever it takes to- ooh, arcade!!" She started to run toward the lit-up attraction, then forced herself to stop and go find help. Naturally, the first person she went to go see was…

Neo from the Matrix.

"Sorry, girl," Neo told her sadly, "I only fight machines. What you've got on your hands are vampire-monster-hybrids. But good luck with that!" He paused and regarded her quietly. "Also, what the bleep is wrong with your eyes?"

"I'll shove that damn spoon of yours right up your ass!" Lulu barked, kicking his ankle before dashing off. Damn, who to ask now? Who would help her? Who could she possibly go to in this time of-

Oh. Of course.

"Sayaaaa!" Lulu cried, banging open the door of the abandoned church and barging in. "I need your he-"

"GAAAHH!!" Haji leapt away from Saya in fright, who was lying on one of the pews sleeping. Lulu stared at the chevalier as he stared back, blinking rapidly. "I wasn't doing anything," he stated quietly. "Honest." He paused. "I'll give you candy."

"Deal!" Lulu squealed in delight, then remembered something more important. "Wait, not right now! Saya, wake up, I need your help!"

"Eh?" Saya gave a loud snort and sat up, awake. She blinked sleepily as Lulu ran to her feet and gazed at her with wide eyes. "What do you want?" Lulu smiled.

"Man, it's a good thing you had hotdogs, Saya! That's how I found you," she explained. "Also, your chevalier smells overwhelmingly like Axe body spray."

"You're welcome!" Haji sang, giving her a wink.

"That's not a compliment," Saya told him, then turned to Lulu, "and I know."

"Saya, please help us!!" Lulu begged, falling to her knees. "Some weird rapping chevalier showed up and…and…served us! Their dance moves! Their hot tracks! We were no match for them at all! Please, help us!"

"Geez, were you fighting or having a dance-off?" Haji scoffed, rolling his eyes. Saya stood up, clutching her sword tightly and pulling the blanket off of her.

"Haji, carry her," she ordered, a dangerous gleam in her eyes.

"Roger." Haji stepped forward and swept Saya up in his arms.

"I said carry HER." Saya ground out, pointing at Lulu.

"But…but you have breasts," Haji stammered. "And normal-looking eyes." Saya glared. "Oh, alright, alright." He put Saya down and turned to Lulu. "Just don't look at me, okay?"

-Later-

After much searching and running (and trips to the arcade), Saya, Haji, and Lulu were finally able to locate the warehouse where the slaughter of the Schiff had taken place. Saya shoved open the door and did a secret-agent tumble inside, only to find the enemy was already long gone. Haji, carrying Lulu on his shoulders, followed her in.

"Okay, now turn left! Left!!" Lulu squealed excitedly, covering Haji's eyes with her hands and guiding him along verbally. It wasn't working very well, as he kept walking into walls. "Oops, sorry about that. Now turn right." Bang! "Oops, sorry, I meant my right."

"Your right IS my right!!"

"Will you two cut it out and help me look around?!" Saya snapped at them. Haji happily shoved the little girl off his shoulders and helped Saya look around the warehouse. They quickly found Darth and Gudrif (Batou-wannabe and sunglasses), both fatally injured.

"Gudrif, no!" Lulu gasped in horror, kneeling next to her friend. "You…you can't die! Please! I…I…can I have you sunglasses?"

"Oh, hells no, bitch," Gudrif stated before he and Darth burst into green flames.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!!" Lulu wailed, although if it was over the loss of the sunglasses or her friends I can't really tell. Moses and Karman, having been able to also escape the attack, showed up soon after, taking Lulu under their wing.

"Hmm, looks like I couldn't help you suckers again," Saya sighed, glancing at the three remaining Schiff. "I'm still charging you for the labor, though." She turned on her heel and sauntered out the door, Haji close on her heels.

"…She's changed," Karman muttered, watching her go.

"Yeah," Moses agreed. "I liked the pink sweater n' skirt combo better."

"I didn't mean her clothes!" Karman snapped at him. "…But yeah, I liked them better too."

-The Next Day, at Some Stuffed-Animal Museum (Not the Cute Kind, the Dead Animal Kind)-

Somewhere in the city of London, in a large museum filled with taxidermy animals, a meeting between Diva (who's still in girl-Riku form) and her many chevaliers was taking place. Well, Diva was more playing with the dead animals than paying attention, really, but Amshel didn't let this bother him as he addressed the others.

"Hmm…" the eyelashed man mused, having gotten James's report of last night's attack, "even though the Schiff weren't all killed as planned, things are going well. Diva's concert is near, the Delta Project is showing results, and I took a fantastic bowel movement this morning."

The other chevaliers all stared at him.

"What?!" Amshel growled, flushing. "That's important! I thought you'd all want to know that!"

"NO." Was the unanimous answer.

"Fine!" Amshel sniffed disdainfully. "Anyway, moving on, Saya has appeared once again and is getting in our way. Something must be done!"

"Ooh! Ooh, me! Pick me, Amshel, pick me!!" Karl begged, throwing an arm (oh GOD) up in the air and waving it desperately. "Please, pick me! I wanna do it, me, me, me!!"

"I hear you loud and clear," Amshel told him, then turned right to James. "James-"

"Lil' J!" He corrected.

"…Lil' J," Amshel reluctantly agreed, "I charge you with eliminating Saya."

"Coo, dawg! Check it, check it! My new album drops-"

"Okay, just GO!" Amshel barked, shoving him toward the exit.

"Aren't you forgetting something?" Nathan called teasingly. James stopped, frowning. Nathan held up a large, expensive-looking piece of jewelry, sparkling with gold and diamonds and attached to a long chain.

"My bling-bling!" James gasped in surprise. "Give that back! It's worth more than your hair!"

"Why, you-"

As the two began squabbling, a loud crash filled the air, and Amshel whirled around to find that Diva had broken one of the display cases filled with animals.

"HEY!" He hollered, storming toward her, "it says don't tap on the glass, brat!!" Diva responded by whipping a stuffed possum at his head.

"No-one ever listens to me!" Karl sniffled, standing next to Solomon, who blinked and looked at him.

"Huh? What was that?" He asked. "I wasn't listening. I was too busy thinking how much I'd like to bang Saya."

"I hate this freaking family!!" Karl wailed, rushing out of the room in tears. Solomon watched him go, shrugged, and went back to his perverted thoughts.

-That Night…-

As night fell over London once again, the remaining Schiff snuck into a graveyard and buried the weapons of their fallen comrades. As they kicked dirt over the shallow grave, they debated as to what they should do now.

"We have to get Diva for this!" Karman growled, grinding his teeth in fury. "Let's attack her tonight!"

"But we can't do it alone," Moses argued. "Perhaps we should ask-"

"Keanu Reeves said no," Lulu piped up. Moses's face fell.

"Dammit!!" Karman cursed. "The One, my ass! And you!" He rounded on Moses. "You have to learn to fight those back-up-soldiers or whatever!"

"But I can't fight myself!" Moses protested. "I'm too pretty to kill!"

"It'll be easy for you, huh?" Lulu said, nudging Karman.

"Tell me about it," Karman grunted. "I just might 'accidentally' forget which is which."

-Elsewhere-

David, after finally making the trip to London city, went to go see Joel in his large mansion. As soon as he walked into Joel's private rooms, the paralyzed man zoomed up on his wheelchair.

"David, you're here! And you're not piss-ass drunk, what a treat!" Joel smiled at his friend. "Come here, gimme a hug!"

"Ow! OW!" David wasn't positive, but he was 75 percent sure that a hug didn't include getting his shins cracked by Joel's wheelchair. He put up with the pain, however, and gave his former boss a pat on the shoulder before getting back to business. "So, what have you been up to?"

"I wish to rebuild Red Shield," Joel declared, getting right to the point. "It's my duty as one who carries the name of Joel. Plus, those bitches took my legs. So, what do you say?" He stared up at David, waiting expectantly.

"Well…I say…" David was about to answer when he noticed something strange. "Why do you have strings tied to your ankles?"

"Ooh, wanna see? I made it myself!" Joel giggled and leaned forward. Taking hold of the strings in his hands, he began jerking them this way and that, making his limp, floppy legs jump and dance as if on their own. "Let's go, girls! One, two! One, two! Whooo!"

"Have you taken your medication today, sir?" An agent asked, poking his head in the door.

"You're just jealous of my hot legs!!"

"Dear God…" David thought to himself, watching the agent leap on Joel and force-feed him his medicine. "I can't say no now…"

-With Saya-

"Will you fight with us?" Lulu was begging Saya, having found her once again at the old, crumbling church and pleading her assistance. "Please, Saya! Please fight with me!"

"Alright." Saya cleared her throat and shot Lulu a scathing glare. "You're a stinky doo-doo head!" She hissed. "And you've got freaky eyes!!"

"I mean against Diva!" Lulu clarified huffily.

"Oh. Then no." Saya turned from her and settled back on the pew to sleep.

"Come on, please!!" Lulu implored her. "Sure, Moses can be really annoying at times (maybe all the time), and Karman acts like he's got a telephone post jammed up his rectum, but they're really not bad guys once you get to know them! Please, Saya! Help us!"

"Pffft, please," Saya snorted. "I don't need any more friends. Go away." Lulu stared at her.

"Geez, when did you become such a bitch?"

"OUUUUUUUTTTT!!"

As Lulu turned to go, she glanced up at Haji, whose face still held the painful reminders of letting Lulu ride on his shoulders and blindfold him.

"Will you remember me?" Lulu asked him weakly. He blinked.

"Oh, I'll remember you," he answered. "At least until these pills kick in!" So saying, he then downed a whole bottle of painkillers in a single gulp.

"YOU BOTH SUCK ASS!!"

-Later, With the Schiff-

Moses, Karman, and Lulu leapt into the air, crashing through the window of the stuffed-animal museum, weapons thirsty for Diva's blood. Once they were inside the building, however, things didn't go so well.

"Aaagh! Diva!" Lulu shrieked in fear.

"Lulu, that's a stuffed goat."

"Oh." Lulu turned. "Aaagh! Diva!"

"Lulu, that's a stuffed bear."

"Oh." Lulu turned once again. "Aaagh! Back-up dancers!!"

"Lulu, that's- oh, no, wait. Those are back-up dancers." Moses paused. "AUUUUUGH!!" The small group of Schiff leapt at the three Corpse Corps soldiers, engaging them in battle. Once again, they were no match, and surely would have lost had not Saya burst through a window and saved the day.

"Hmph! Think you can stand up against my moves?" She growled, eyeing the dancing soldiers. "Well guess what! During my year of training, I took private lessons from Michael Jackson. MJ, bitches!!"

What happened next can only be described as a dance GENOCIDE. Saya and Haji finished off the twitching soldiers with a scalding-hot tango dance.

"Now get the bleep offa me." She stated once it was over, shoving Haji away from her.

-Elsewhere-

Elsewhere in London, in a subway station below the streets, David sat waiting on one of the benches located next to the tracks, reading a diet book and taking down notes. His quiet studying came to an end, however, when Mao, followed closely by Okamura, stormed up to him with a pissy expression on her face.

"Where's Kai?!" She immediately demanded. David ignored her.

"You quit boozin', eh?" Okamura grinned, noting David's clean suit and lack of a foul smell. "Good for you! Though it is unusual to be contacted by you and not the chubby gentleman."

"Hey, he's not chubby! He's fluffy!" Mao interrupted, glaring at Okamura. "There's a difference!" She paused. "Plus he's sexy."

The two men stared at her.

"Whaaaaat?" Mao scowled at them.

"Listen," David went on, breaking the awkward moment, "I want you guys to investigate the sponsors for Diva's concert, alright?"

"Why should we?!" Mao snapped, bristling in anger. David's eyes narrowed.

"I'll give you Kai."

Mao waited.

"And Louis's phone number."

"SOLD!" Mao cried in jubilation, throwing her arms in the air.

Behind her, a single tear ran down Okamura's cheek.

-Episode 35 End-

Disclaimer: I don't own Blood +.

Author's Note: Whoo, done! That was quite enjoyable. A lot of swearing in this episode for some reason, I'm glad I censor myself. I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna be very busy again next week (manual labor around the house, studying for a test, traveling). Despite this, I still want to attempt to do the next episode, even though there's a chance I won't get it done in time or not at all. So if it's not posted in time, please bear with me, I'm doing the best I can. It'll either be a little late, or I'll just hold it off for the next week. Sorry again. Anyway, hope you liked this chapter, and review please!