Gods of Tevinter
Chapter Thirty-Seven: Second Chances
"That was a bit impulsive, but I really needed that." I sigh, wrapped again in Varric's arms.
"You and me both, Firefly." I feel the gentle pressure of his lips against my hair. "Thank you for not leaving tonight."
"Yeah, well, with my luck, I would have ended up having to bunk with the octopus," I joke, and his chuckle warms my heart. I'm glad we're back to this. I sit up, and look for my clothes. "We should get back before we're missed."
"Alright, but one thing before we go." He places his hand on mine, getting my attention. "When we finish this mission and are back here for real, I want to move your things in here."
"Yes! That's a wonderful idea," I tell him, grinning from ear to ear. I lean over to give him another kiss before I get out of bed. I wince at the soreness, but manage to dress.
"Are you in pain?" he asks.
"Just aching muscles. I wasn't really expecting us to...um, be back here so soon."
"Right," he acknowledges, standing up as well. "Ignore what I said about healing before. I wasn't planning on tonight, either. I can tell I'm probably going to feel it tomorrow, too."
I allow the blue light of healing magic fill my palm and put my hand over his chest, but don't touch him. I meet his gaze questioningly. He nods, and I let the flow of magic pulse from me to him. I sustain the spell for a few seconds, and when I see his shoulders relax, I let it go. It takes quite a bit of my mana, as healing magic is not my area of study, and dwarves have a natural resistance to magic in general. I repeat the process for myself, and it's a relief to feel the knotted muscles loosen again.
"Better?" I ask.
"Yeah...I guess I'm not used to what magic feels like. That was nice."
"Dwarves are a bit tricky where magic is concerned. It would have been easier had I brought my staff, but it can be done. Are we ready to go, handsome?" I turn around, catching a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I attempt to fix my messy hair, and it's then that I notice something on the nightstand. I reach for it, but he stops me.
"Leave it," he says, looking down at the flower-ornamented hair comb I had been wearing on that first night together. "I like that you left it here; it makes me think of you. Besides, it belongs here now. The rest of your things will be following soon enough."
"I guess you're right."
He wraps his arms around me from behind, and I lean back into his chest.
"Let's go," he whispers. I give the ring another twist, and we're back in the tent. It's late, so most of the camp is already sleeping, with a few on watch. We quickly lay out the second bedroll right next to Varric's. I make sure to take my evening herbs again before settling in close to him.
Feeling his nearness, the warmth of his body keeping me from being too cold, despite camping in the mountains, I let go of my earlier anger and just enjoy the quiet peace between us. I may not have liked his fear, but I understood it. I'd been there myself, not that long ago. I can forgive him for being fallible, as long as he learns from it. Happiness is a bumpy road, apparently. It doesn't take long, after the long day we've had, before we both succumb to exhaustion.
Oddly enough, I'm the first to awaken in the morning. I look at his sleeping features, his face finally relaxed; soft, dark blonde hair spread on the pillow like silk. I can't resist the urge and reach out to stroke the strands shining in the early morning light.
His eyes flutter open, unfocused, and settle on me. He smiles, and I'm happy I was here to see it this morning.
"Good morning," I say, continuing to stroke his hair. "A new day is dawning."
"Yes, it is," he acknowledges and raises his hand to cup my cheek, pulling me into a kiss. I allow the brief contact, but quickly move away from him afterwards.
"While I'd love to lounge around with you all day, I doubt the others will wait for us. We should get up and get moving."
The rest of the trip goes without too much incident. Varric and I emerging from the tent together that morning is a declaration that our relationship is official and that we plan to continue seeing each other. Leliana keeps a wary eye on me, but doesn't go out of her way to speak to either of us alone again. Cullen remains friendly, as are most of the others. Josephine is kind to me, but I can tell she would rather I not be attending the ball at the Winter Palace. Vivienne is aloof and distant, as usual. I get the impression she doesn't like me very much, but that sits just fine with me. Her political leanings make talking to her painful.
I keep finding Dorian and my brother together more often than not. I still can't tell if my brother is seriously interested, or if that's just Dorian's way of pursuing him, but he allows his presence, anyway. I'm glad to see that my brother has made at least two good friends among the Inquisition. Dorian and Hawke are both good men that I would want on my side in a fight. I learn that Dorian has specialized in necromancy, which must tickle Tenebris to no end. I bet they have a lot to talk about. But after Cassandra had nearly bit my head off about my suggestion to Cullen, I'm through playing matchmaker. My own romance has seen enough problems.
I'm back to being happy with Varric again. He's been extra attentive since the other night, probably to make up for his moment of doubt. Whatever the reason, I'm not about to complain. Well, I do wish we had more privacy. But, soon enough.
We should reach the home of Comtesse Lutetia in a couple of hours. Her home is close enough to Halamshiral that we can just leave for the party from there tonight. Vivienne and the three advisors will be heading back to Skyhold following the gala, but the other nine of us will be heading together into the Hissing Wastes.
I've heard a little from the group about the Comtesse Lutetia herself. Apparently she has a thing for butterflies. I hope she doesn't expect us to praise her "collection". The thought of admiring a bunch of butterfly corpses makes me a little ill.
We arrive at the estate. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it definitely wasn't this. The manor house is enormous. I start counting rooms, trying to figure out how much of Skyhold we could fit here before we would run out of room. Who knew that a minor comtesse would have such a grand estate? If her place looks like this, how big is the Winter Palace?
We're shown to our rooms. Separate rooms, much to my dismay. The Inquisition might be accepting of my relationship with Varric, but I guess wealthy Andrastians aren't. I sigh. I decide to focus on the party, but a thought hits me: I don't know any modern dances. Varric will show me, right?
Thankfully, I know what room is his and I knock politely once I reach the door.
"I've already seen the butterfl-Firefly, well hello," he corrects mid-sentence, a smile spreading across his face. "I didn't expect to see you yet; we're not leaving for the palace until later."
"I know, I just...I don't want to embarrass myself when we get there. I knew how to dance, but it's been so long, I'm sure the dances have changed. Will you practice with me?"
He grins and bows, extending his hand.
"Is there room here? Maybe we should find somewhere larger."
"Eh, you're probably right. I saw a drawing room downstairs that should be large enough."
I look both directions down the hallway, and see no one. We find the door to the drawing room, and there is no one inside. I breathe a sigh of relief. I'd rather no one else witness my awkwardness.
Varric instructs me on my body position, and places one hand at my waist, the other straight up, palm outwards. I place my palm against his, feeling my heartbeat speed up. Can he tell I'm nervous? I swallow the lump in my throat. He hums a low melody, and I can't help but smile. Writer, merchant, master of a spy network and can carry a tune? Varric Tethras, you never cease to amaze me.
He leads me through the first few steps. We laugh at my bumbling, but it isn't long before I have it down. I've always been good at dancing, and it doesn't take me long to pick up the patterns of the next dance, either.
"Can I cut in?" a voice says from behind us. I look to see Hawke standing in the doorway.
Varric sighs, whispering, "Had the dwarf known his prize would be so coveted, he would have locked the sodding door."
"I think I like that chapter in our story. There hasn't been nearly enough cursing so far."
Varric chuckles and slowly lets go, as though reluctant to relinquish me to dance with another. Garrett steps up and takes the same stance that Varric had when we first started.
"I warn you, I'm just learning these new dances. You're going to get your toes trampled."
"I think I can forgive a few things in your old age," he teases, and I burst out laughing.
"I guess that's fair. I've been around a long time," I concede with a shrug.
We start moving. Garrett's longer legs make us unevenly matched, and he has to slow his steps. It feels awkward. I cringe, thinking about what this would have been like with Cullen, then I realize: I'm going to find out as I'd promised to dance with him. I focused my attention on how to adjust my own movements to accommodate someone of a taller height, but I miss Varric already.
I glance over and see him watching me and Hawke. Garrett leans down and whispers in my ear, "You really do love him, don't you?"
"What?" I say, turning my attention back to Garrett.
"You're in love with him. It's obvious. The two of you can't take your eyes off each other. Varric always seemed like such a cynic, I never would have taken him for the type."
Love...I've never used that word before about us...is that what I feel? And what does he feel for me? I mean, sure he said "forever", but does he even understand what that really means with someone like me? My thoughts are suddenly full.
"Sorry, I figured you two had already sorted that part out. Maybe I'm the one stepping on toes, but I'm happy for you, truly. Finding someone to spend your life with isn't easy, especially in times like these."
"Do you ever miss her?"
"Who?"
"The girl you talked about. The one who broke your heart."
A humorless smile crossed his features. "Yeah, I suppose I do."
"Did you never look for her?"
"Of course, it's where I went when I left Kirkwall, but I never found her. She has her own ship; she could be anywhere by now."
"I find it hard to believe she just forgot about you, Garrett. I bet she's out there somewhere, regretting her choices."
"Nah, you didn't know Isabela. She doesn't put too much stock in her past, and lives very much in the moment. I doubt she thinks about me at all."
I shrug. "I know it's not my decision to make, but if someone I cared about disappeared, I wouldn't just give up. You have the Inquisition to help back you up now. You could try again."
"Hmm," is all he says, and the conversation stops. Dancing with no music to guide us, which before had felt comfortable and friendly, suddenly feels stiff, awkward. A minute or so later he bows me. "I think you've got it now. I'll leave you to him."
I stand still as he walks away from me. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything.
Varric joins me. "What was that about?" he wonders, looking at the door.
"I asked him about Isabela, but now I'm thinking I shouldn't have."
He sighs. "You had to know her; Rivaini was one of a kind. She often acted on impulse, and would do anything for a laugh or a good time. I think the two of you would have gotten along, actually. You should have heard her dirty limericks! But...she really hurt him when she left."
"I find it hard to believe she's that hard to locate."
"Well...she's not, exactly. I saw her one time after that. She was the "old friend" I mentioned with Alistair and me when we did the dragon thing."
"What?! Does Hawke know?" I demand, and his expression tells me the answer. "He doesn't. Oh, Varric."
"She asked me not to say anything."
"Did she love him?"
"I think so, but it got...messy. I think maybe she thought she couldn't go back."
I sigh in frustration. "My heart breaks for both of them. Do you think we could do something about it?"
He shakes his head. "Don't get involved, Ferox. This is between the two of them. If either really got it in their head that they wanted to see the other, they would. Hawke didn't try half as hard as he could have."
I think that over. Maybe Hawke is still angry about it. "Alright, I'll respect it, but it's still sad." I place a hand on his arm. "Varric, let's never be that stupid, okay?"
He chuckles. "No promises." He pulls me close, and I close my eyes, expecting to feel the soft caress of his kiss, but it doesn't come, and the sound of someone clearing their throat causes me to open my eyes again and turn to look.
"Oh, Ferox dear, don't let us interrupt you," Dorian says.
"No, please let us interrupt you. I don't need to see that," Tenebris teases.
I laugh. "Varric was teaching me how to dance."
"Is that what we're calling it?" Dorian jokes, but even their ribbing doesn't get me down. I feel Varric squeeze my hand, and look at him. He nods.
"It's probably time to head back anyway. Thanks for the dance lesson," I tell him, and kiss his cheek, just to annoy Tenebris. "I'll see you later."
He walks me to the door and watches me walk away. I feel a little bad leaving him with my brother again, but I realize if he can't handle Tenebris, who's been on good behavior lately, he'll never survive my other two brothers. We're going to have to face them eventually, but I'm pretty sure they would never think to look for me here. I walk back to my room to rest for a bit before getting ready for Empress Celene's party.