Chapter 37 – Cards on the table

My heart was hammering away in my chest like a racing horse but I had to put my cards on the table. I took a deep breath and asked him, "Martin, what was that back there?"

He stared at me. "Uhm, just why are you…"

I threw my thumb over my shoulder. "You went back in; into that…"

"Right."

"Martin!" My arm flailed out of its own accord and struck his shoulder a glancing blow. "Why did you do that? You could have been killed!" I looked at my fingers and they were coated with greasy soot from his coat sleeve plus I had two broken fingernails and all the rest were ragged.

He ducked his head. "Louisa, I…"

"There I was getting into a panic thinking we were going to die; you, me, the baby, all of us, but you smashed the window so we could get out. But you stayed behind!"

"Those idiots," he spat, "blocking the side exit! Imbeciles! Criminals!"

"But you did get us out! Oh my God! Ace! But there you were playing the hero and didn't follow me outside the building! Damn it!"

He stared at me, face frozen but I went on picking on him. "Finally, finally, I've been thinking that thank God we got things settled; you and me, and we can have some sort of life together, or I thought so. But the fire…"

"Louisa…"

"NO! Let me finish! A blazing inferno, the smoke so thick I could barely see, and you found a way to get us of it. Miracle really. So did you HAVE to stay inside a burning building? All well and good when we were kids to play at cops and firemen…"

He turned his face away as he gripped the steering wheel tightly.

"But then you pushed me outside and didn't come with me! Mar-TIN! You could have been KILLED! Just when I thought you and me were finally on the same page but right then I thought I'd have to watch…" Now tears were flowing in a steady stream. "Watch you DIE! Why didn't you come out with me? I'm so… upset I could spit! Playing at bloody fireman! Honestly!"

His head drooped. "Are you finished?"

I rubbed my streaming eyes. "Look at me. Screaming at you for doing a brave thing. But why, Martin? WHY? Why did you do it?" I thought I would have become a widow tonight and we weren't even married.

"I did save you, Louisa," he sighed. "And you're being very hormonal."

"Hormonal? Damn straight I'm bloody hormonal! MARTIN! You're the man I love, the father of my child, and you threw yourself into a fire like that! So of course I'm HORMONAL! I've got baby coming out every which way, I leak pee everything I cough or laugh, I've got heartburn to beat the band, my back aches, and even my feet are getting fat! Not to mention…"

Martin leaned forward and rested his head on the wheel uttering a faint groan.

"Martin?" I cried to him but he didn't respond just sitting there like a crash test dummy. "Hey, you okay?"

His head came up; he rolled his shoulders and turned his head slightly towards me. "Sorry about the… uhm… hormonal comment. Uncalled for."

I dug a tissue out of handbag wiped my face and blew my nose. "And I'm sorry for yelling. But…"

"But?" he said.

"But why? You could have been killed." Where would I have been then? The baby kicked as if to say she was just as afraid as her mother.

He reached down to start the car but I grabbed his hand. "Martin? Please tell me. Why did you put yourself in danger back there? When you went down that cliff to rescue the baker it was at the point of a gun but this was different."

He ducked his head. "When I was a student…"

"Yes?"

He started the car and took the brake off.

So much of Martin's past was a mystery. I wasn't about to let him off the hook now. "Martin? Don't shut me out."

He turned to face me and I saw his face was strained.

"Come on. You can tell me," I coaxed.

He licked his lips. "I was a newly graduated surgeon and there was a fire in a restaurant which claimed three lives. Just like the kitchen fire tonight caused by grease plus improper cleaning and maintenance."

"Horrible, but at least this time no one died."

He grunted. "Louisa one of the victims made it hospital alive. I was part of the team which supported casualty patients. We also supported the burns unit."

Then it hit me. "Oh. So that's why…"

He nodded. "The man was twenty-eight, a dish washer. He had burns over sixty percent of his body. Deep third-degree burns most of it." He shook himself. "As much as I think the Vicar is a fool, I…"

I took his hand and held it in a gentle squeeze. "I'm sorry."

He wrinkled his nose. "We had to take away dead tissue; surgically. He lost… well… much. The man's organs finally failed, all that tissue damage destroyed kidneys and liver plus his lungs were seared."

"Oh Martin it must have been horrible."

He sighed. "He lived for almost six days. His family visited every day. Father, mother, cousins, a grandmum." He looked hard at me. "It was the most challenging case… no, patient… I had seen up to then."

I looked at Martin Ellingham, the gruff and stoic person that I knew, but saw the hurt of his experience on the face I loved. "Shame."

He shook his head. "We couldn't give him enough morphine you see."

Oh Lord. "Ah. The poor man."

Martin looked me straight in the eye. "Yes, ah. That's why I went back in to drag that fool of a Vicar out. I wasn't playing hero Louisa. I did what had to be done." He turned to face ahead. "And I apologize that you got upset but it had to be that way. I couldn't… wouldn't turn my back on him."

Then I knew that Martin did care for others and always would, just in a medical way. I kissed his cheek. "I'm glad you did it then. Proud of you."

A hand came up and touched my cheek and then he asked softly, "Home? We stink of smoke."

I was proud of Martin but also feared that someday he'd get into trouble caring too much for them and not enough for himself or for me. "Yes." I patted his hand. "Take us home Martin."

Author's note:

To all members of emergency services and our armed forces who go where most of us never will; for they run towards danger, while the rest of us flee, this chapter is dedicated.