2.18: [Flickering Image]
Disappear
Disappear
I'm sorry
For my selfishness,
Hoping you
never wake again
Sorry
But I am only here, only real
When you dream of me
The more I try to feel you
The more I disappear
Close your eyes
And make me real again
The more I try to feel
The more I disappear
Disappear
Again
I'm lonely,
In this consciousness
Hoping you'd
Come back again
Just like it used to be
Just you and me and a thousand moonrises
To be close again
I'll be anything
You desire
The more I try to feel you
The more I disappear
Close your eyes
And make me real again
The more I try to feel
The more I disappear
Disappear
The more I try to feel
The more I disappear
Make me real
Make me real
Dream of me
-She,'Make me Real'
So far, he'd been convinced that he had this unfamiliar corridor all to himself, so it was a moderately severe shock to hear a voice right behind him, however quiet it might have been.
Leaving his gloomy deliberations behind now that the outside world was demanding his immediate attention, he turned around briskly, half thinking that he might be imagining things until he saw the owner of the little high voice standing before him in the flesh and remaining there even after he'd blinked a couple of times.
She had practically been standing a single step behind him, and yet, Shinji didn't have the foggiest idea about when she might have arrived – one might almost be tempted to think that she had only just appeared there without a sound, from thin air as if through some Star Trek-esque method of Quantum teleportation... she couldn't possibly have been standing there the whole time without him noticing, right?
He wouldn't have overlooked her that easily, right?
How would that even be possible when the bright, faded colors of her school uniform and everything about her, including her skin and that peculiar blue hair stood out amid the surrounding darkness to the point of almost looking unreal or out of place, like some faintly glowing ghostly apparition-
another detail that would have been impossible to overlook was the small cardboard box she was carrying with both her arms, revealing that she was probably about to bring her things back home after spending the last few days on permanent guard duty - Even Rei must have been too tired to accomplish anything in the few hours of the day that had remained after the battle, that is, anything other than to go straight to sleep wherever she had been accommodated for her stay at headquarters.
'Even Rei'? No, I anything, she should have had more reason to be exhausted than anyone else.
Only then did it trickle into his consciousness that she might actually be expecting some kind of answer while he'd done little more than to stare at her for a long time.
Sure, she kept looking at him in a calm and patient manner, but that was a double-edged sword – On the one had it was a relief that she didn't seem to be angry, but then again, it provided very little indication as to what exactly might be going on in her head at the moment, or what sort of response she might be expecting.
"Uh... Hello Ayanami."
No reaction.
Great, he should have been expecting this.
Waiting for her to do something was pointless most of the time - who knows, maybe
she was waiting for him to do something.
"Uhm...uh..."
His eyes fell on the cardboard box she was carrying.
Since he couldn't think of anything better at this moment, he chose to go with the next thought in his head: "Do you want me to help you with this?"
He thought he saw a little emotion in her eyes as if she had focused her gaze a little more, but that was all.
Shinji had almost given up waiting for an answer when she finally spoke, just barely in the audible range, like the ticking of a clock.
"...With what...?"
"Well, with, uhm, carrying the boxes and such..." He produced the most charming smile he could muster, though it was still tinged with embarrassment. "You were about to take all your stuff back home, right?"
"That is correct."
"Well, I could carry some of it for you, If you don't mind, of course..."
"I do not."
"Good! So where's the rest of it?"
"This is all of it."
The slight stretching of her arms was probably her way of telling him that he could now take the box, which he did, albeit somewhat hesitantly.
He had half feared that he would end up regretting his offer, because all prior experience suggested that girls always tended to have lots and lots of stuff, enough to fill many heavy bags and boxes, like the many piles thereof Asuka had stuffed the apartment with when she arrived.
Now, he was surprised at how light this relatively small "package" of Rei's belongings was - she hadn't even closed it, so you could see that the box wasn't even half full.
Most of its contents were clothes: Another school uniform, the little brown towel he had already gotten to know on his visit to her apartment, and a kind of hospital shirt that she had probably worn to sleep - there was nothing more except for his father's glasses and one of those assorted medicine boxes that old people occasionally carried around with them. No make-up, no little boxes, no electronic diversions, no private clothes, no other comforts and nothing at all that seemed remotely meant to pass the time. Nothing but the bare minimum -
Including some crumpled underwear she must have worn quite recently. The realization that she had probably been wearing some of those not too long ago served as a sharp reminder that the inside of this box was none of his business, and thus, he tried his best to point his reddening face somewhere else.
"Is there something wrong?
"N-No...!" Actually, he had a hard time believing that she wasn't the slightest bit embarrassed or upset. Hadn't she noticed that the underwear was showing, or was she simply concealing her true feelings on the matter?
If the purpose of her apparent (?) indifference was to stimulate his conscience, it had certainly succeeded. "We, uh, maybe we should go."
Another one of those confusing pauses followed... Was she waiting for him to start moving?
That's when he remembered that he was technically still 'lost' – He had no doubt that Rei knew the way to the surface, but asking her for directions would involve admitting that he'd lost his way, which, frankly, would be an embarrassing thing to do, especially since he was supposed to be the one helping her out with her box.
So the current challenge was to get her to lead the way with the least possible loss of dignity.
He'd also have to do something about Rei's own dignity, perhaps by closing the box in an inconspicuous moment.
He did not dare to ask her that she had actually meant to display her used panties to practically everyone she might pass in the next few minutes – It might be related to how she didn't really seem to mind others seeing her naked - his policy on such strange events had always been to simply ignore them until they would leave him alone, and if necessary, worry about it in private later on.
Then, she spoke, suddenly and unexpectedly, breaking the awkward silence without prior warning: "Let's get something to eat."
Shinji was too nonplussed to even produce a flat "What?". His mouth was wide open, but no sound would come out. Again his face changed color as the cause of his inner chaos silently observed the impact of her quiet words.
The Third Child had to prevent herself from taking a step back, not wanting Rei to confuse his simple surprise with a refusal.
"Is this a bad time?" she asked, after observing his inelegant fumbling attentively for a while.
"Of course not!"
"That's good."
And then she marched off, briskly, soldier-like, never stopping, never looking back to see if the Third Child was actually followed her, because it was completely sufficient for her to simply listen to his steps. He soon worked out that she was probably leading them toward the NERV canteen, where their last "Date" had also taken place.
The EVA-pilot decided that he shouldn't even bother with the wellspring of questions inside his head; The best course of action was probably to ignore the pounding of his heart.
She didn't run, but she did walk briskly, and if he were to stop to pause and think, it would be difficult to keep up with her.
What did this mean? What consequences might it have? What could she be trying to tell him? He might never find out, and if he was going to wrack his brains over it, he might as well do it afterward, when he might just have a few more answers.
Of course, there was still the option to ask her directly, but what if he had overlooked one of those things again that Asuka said should be obvious, another of those subtle hints?
Had he overlooked any subliminal statement of intent that could have told him if she was waiting for anything? Or perhaps, she just happened to hungry and there was no deeper meaning to be found.
When they reached the cafeteria, he still hadn't found the answer, and his intent to inquire about her reasons had been pushed further and further ahead.
The one thing in his favor was that he was actually carrying money this time since he'd brought some in order to get those books for Mayumi – He's used them as of yet unopened brown package to cover up the contents of Rei's box.
On their way here, Shinji made up his mind to order the most expensive item this simple cafeteria had to offer, but Rei beat him to it, ordering a cheap sandwich and a glass of mineral water.
After that, he thought he would probably feel guilty if he ordered anything much fancier for himself, so that he himself decided on the same vegetarian sandwich, as tempting the possible addition of cheese or sausage might have been.
It would all be much easier if they had something like tofu or veggie patties in here, perhaps he should submit the Misato as a suggestion for improvement.
At least, he had successfully implemented the part of his plan that involved footing the bill
He would have liked to have carried Rei's tray for her, or failing that, to take care of his own, but unfortunately, he had his hands full with the box and the books, so that Rei took over the task of transporting their food.
"Is this place acceptable?" she asked, pausing near a table.
She put down the trays as soon as Shinji nodded, which he took as the right moment to put down her box next to one of the table's legs.
Maybe he would have left it on the table for a bit if he had known that Rei's next action would be to reach for it in order to take out her medicine box and retrieve a minuscule mountain of pills, capsules and tablets from its interior, only to swallow them one by one in a practiced motion, each one accompanied by a good sip of mineral water.
But even so, the pills were not the only things on her plate. There actually was a real sandwich right beside them.
Though he did not know which odd motion of fate he might be owning the pleasure to, it seemed like his plan of treating Ayanami to dinner had finally worked out
(date or no date) and at that thought, he was almost able to smile sincerely again. Actually, 'almost' might have been an understatement.
There wasn't much conversation taking place, but he didn't really expect it either - he knew Rei; if he placed that much value on articulate chitchat, he'd be here with another girl. It wouldn't be fair anyway, to demand something he couldn't provide himself. Everything was fine just the way it was, right here, right now.
This was already far more than he ever thought he could hope for.
Date or not, if someone had told him six weeks ago that he would be having dinner with a girl before long, he would have diagnosed that person with an acute case of the gaga.
Watching Rei bite into her sandwich made for a pretty cute sight - she had a somewhat peculiar way of holding it.
He was so absorbed in his observations that he kept forgetting about his own plate – indeed, the only time she spoke was to ask him if he had any issue with the food.
Otherwise, she remained completely silent until she was finally done and placed her cup on her plate.
Next, she would probably get up to take the tray away, and that would spell the end for this potentially existing date – Not really what he would consider a fitting conclusion.
On the other hand, very little about this whole encounter had been anywhere near 'fitting' - They were sitting in a cafeteria, and he hadn't even brought a gift... or wait, maybe he had - the bag of books was still on top of the box of Rei's possessions. They had originally been meant for Mayumi, but he was pretty sure that he'd just blown his last chance to hand them to her.
Giving a girl a gift that had been meant for someone else certainly sounded like one of those cardinal mistakes that Asuka sometimes accused him of when she talked about how far he was from being a real gentleman, but Rei knew nothing about their original purpose – Which, come to think of it, made him sound like a deceitful bastard. But it sure beats letting the books catch dust in some corner of his room, or bringing no gift at all, right? Just in case this really was a date.
Time to get moving!
"Um... Ayanami?"
"Yes?"
"I... I have something... I'd like to give you..."
"Why?"
He hadn't expected to ask the question now, after all, it was considered commonly accepted practice not to look a gift horse in the mouth, but it still hit very hard considering his existing doubts about the supposed gift's 'detour'.
"Uh I... I've often seen you, well, reading books, and that's why I thought that... you would like it... if... you had some more books to read..."
Okay, that sounded pretty bumpy right now, even by his standards.
It seemed to him that the most sensible action at this moment was to let the books speak for themselves, and thus, he leaned down to retrieve them.
Rei ripped open the brown paper the moment it arrived in her pale hands, and a fantasy revealing a thick fantasy doorstopper and a somewhat slimmer romance novel - he had been looking for something Mayumi would like when choosing the books, and now that he saw them for the first time since the store clerk had wrapped them up, he was beginning to doubt if they were equally suitable for Rei – Perhaps he might have chosen something else if she had been the intended recipient from the start.
"I just asked the store owner what most of the other girls are reading these days..." he explained, justifying his choices as much to himself as to Rei, although he couldn't have said whether the latter was truly necessary - he just couldn't figure out her facial expression; If he could recognize anything at all, it would have been a deeply pensive expression.
"I'm sorry if you don't like it... maybe I should have gotten something, uh, something else, maybe a non-fiction book or something, since you always read all that scientific stuff..."
She turned one of the books over to inspect the text on the spine of the book but showed no other sign as to whether she was happy or not.
"Actually, you know what?"
"No?"
"Well, it's just, I was thinking of that talk we had with Misato-san the other day, and how you said that you didn't know what you wanted to be when you grow up... Have you ever considered becoming a scientist? I mean, you seem to enjoy reading about it, and you get good grades – besides, I think father would be proud to see you following in his footsteps."
Had started this sentence with a friendly, encouraging smile, but by the end of it, there was a clear droop in his body language, as if a lollipop had suddenly been pulled away from under his nose.
Even Rei could not have missed the sudden change in tone and posture, though she couldn't figure out what to do about it.
"What is it?
"It's nothing, I... I was just wondering if my father and I would get along better if we had more in common..." He smiled again, this time full of self-irony, a bizarre mixture of signs that were actually associated with joy, and those that testified to deep despair, which visibly confused Rei and caused processes and feelings that she didn't know what to do with.
"I barely even understand the little bit of biology and mathematics we do at school. I guess it's not surprising that father spends a lot more time with you. I'm supposed to be his son, but we have almost nothing in common. He probably thinks I' a disappointment. I mean, you'd think I'd be a little better at this science stuff since both my parents were scientists, but in the end, I guess I'm pretty stupid... "
Rei responded with a small reaction which he couldn't really make sense of at the time. "Both of them?
"Yes, my mother too... I thought you'd know that... Did father never mention her to you?"
No answer.
"I should have known..." Now, the young pilot's voice was somewhat tinged with anger - of course. After all, his father had thrown out every possible reminder of Shinji's mother, all her things, all her pictures, all the memories they had shared, and of course, her son – everything had gone straight out the window!
As if it never had anything to do with him.
His father probably hadn't found any of it useful without his mother around – After all, it didn't look like NERV's taciturn leader had much interest in remembering her...
Still!
He could at least have left something for Shinji, a few photo albums, some collection of tiny trivial possessions that could have given him a vague idea what kind of person she had been – instead, he could barely recall her face.
Of course, there was nothing new or surprising about the older Ikari's complete disregard for his son's hopes and wishes -
It's not like he needed any more reminders of that.
Rei, however, had another inquiry: "What... was her name?"
Well great. Not even her name! Not even once did he deem it necessary to as much as mention her name" The question hit Shinji like a knife to the gut, making it abundantly clear that as far as his father was concerned, Shinji and his mother were a matter he had long since left behind.
Since none of this was Rei's fault, he gave her the answer she deserved, "It was Yui. Ikari Yui."
What the blue-haired girl did next would deeply surprise Shinji - he had expected some possible responses, most likely silence or some commentary to defend his father, but not a single one involved her reaching for her box of belongings and producing another object that he probably hadn't noticed before, because it had been hidden under the clothes: another book, one of the same thick, scientific tomes she would often carry with her, this time, about metaphysical biology, whatever that might be.
But the Third Child quickly decrypted the reasoning behind her action when he spotted the author's name, even if he didn't dare to ask the obvious question before Rei beat him to it: "Is there perchance any relation to the 'Yui Ikari' who wrote this publication?"
Shinji could not answer that question, and he was ashamed that he could not.
"Can I see?"
Rei handed him the book.
He opened it, right in the middle, on a random page, without consulting the table of contents first; he just wanted a rough impression of what it was about. What he encountered was densely packed small print, one technical term after the other; in a normal book one could perhaps have deduced from the context what one or two of these words meant, but all the context that was there was itself a forest of technical terms, verbs, adjectives, nouns, subjects, objects and predicates. The only thing he recognized in this text in any form were the articles and prepositions.
What he had before him was undoubtedly challenging, advanced literature, and judging by the position of a small post-it label, Rei had already mastered a good third of it – Shinji didn't think he'd be able to understand it at any point in his life, even if he were to finish high school, which was anything but a matter of course given the dangerous life he was currently living.
It was so ridiculously ironic - all his life he had wished to get his hands on anything to do with his mother, and now that he was holding what was undoubtedly important piece of her legacy in his own two hands, a part of her life's work that could have told him much more about her than a simple picture, it was of no use to him.
"I don't understand it... I don't understand anything about it... I don't know either... this might well be the only thing my mother left behind in this world, and I don't understand a word of it..."
Resigned, Shinji closed the book and gave it back to Rei.
He felt deeply frustrated as if he had just completely disappointed someone – which he probably had, or would have, if his parents were here to observe his miserable failure. He was truly an embarrassment to both of them.
"That's not true."
"Eh...?"
"You yourself are also something that she left behind in this world, aren't you?"
"It is... very nice of you to say that, Rei..."
She could not see why. She had only made him aware of a simple fact.
But it was certainly a relief that he seemed a lot less miserable after her statement. She found it rather uncomfortable to see him in such a state... it filled her with a kind of urge she didn't understand. Now that she was thinking about it, it had been that way for a long time. Perhaps it was the simple drive to stop him from being miserable.
She certainly didn't want to see him unhappy - and that only made sense, especially since he had hurried to her aid on their very first meeting and had consistently displayed what she could now recognize as worry over her person.
At first, she found it somewhat confusing that he would be worried when she was just doing her job, but in retrospect, everything came together... He seemed to spend a considerable amount of time thinking about ways to prevent her from experiencing unpleasant things – and if that was the parameter he using to cast his judgments, she might have to reevaluate her conclusion about the meaningless of his concerns.
Was she unhappy, then?
She had never really thought about it nor even attached any special importance to this question. So far it hardly seemed to be of any significance - it had little to do with her duties as an EVA pilot or the Commander's plans...
Was she happy then?
Probably not, she thinks she would have noticed that.
She thought she must have been happy when the Third Child took her hand at the Futagoyama's summit... And back when the Commander had saved her.
At the least, she would say that being around either of them provided a certain respite.
So, if she could find a way to do the same for Ikari-kun...
Ah. After a short while, she thought of an idea.
"...The Commander says that his condition is no different than usual."
"...What?"
"Since you often seem to wonder about it, I asked him, and that was his answer."
Had she told the Commander that Shinji had been asking about him? He really hoped not...
And... had there been any questions? About him, about his life, about how he was doing?
Of course, he could have asked her, but he already suspected the answer, and did he really need to hear it out loud?
Rei wasn't the kind of person who might soften the blow – if she were to answer at all, her reply would be nothing short of the truth in its full brutality.
"I guess... IT's good to know that he seems to be doing fine..."
He felt tempted to ask what else the two of them may have spoken about, but that was really none of his business, so he saw to it that the topic of conversation was shifted somewhere else:
"Anyway, if you don't like the books, I can also give you the receipt if you'd like to exchange them for something else... there's a small bookstore near the school, right by the big road with the catwalk across it...
I'm not sure if you already know about it, but if you don't, then, maybe that would be a nice place to look for new books, after school or something...
Maybe one of these days, you could loan father one of your books rather than the other way around... Besides, I think there is also a DVD rental nearby if you'd rather watch a movie or something..."
On the way back to Rei's Apartment, the books that Shinji had purchased spent their journey in Rei's cardboard box rather than on top of it, though they still did a fine job of concealing the box' other contents from the public.
There was no further conversation; immersed in musings about his father, Shinji appreciated the silence; He appreciated being able to do that without the storm of well-intentioned questions he'd have to 'fear' from Misato, for instance, if she were at his side instead of Rei...
He didn't think any amount of entertainment or encouragement could have made this any less worse, but he was glad that he didn't have to be alone right now and very grateful for the quiet company.
The closer they came to the rows of abandoned concrete buildings, the less his thoughts revolved around the dreary circumstances of his life as he spent proportionally more time looking at Rei, non-stop, incessantly, simply hanging on to the little details of her movement, or some tiny, teeny strands of hair dancing out of line.
He was almost ready to say something when he realized he needed to do it soon - one thing had led another and by now, they were already about to climb the stairs at the end of which they would find the door that would hide the First Child from his view until tomorrow at school.
Before he knew it, he was already on her doorstep and about to return her box.
If he wanted to say something, it would have to be now.
Just a few weeks ago, he would have just left now and would have racked his brains about all the countless possibilities he might have missed, but he knew that he wouldn't find peace for days if he didn't break his silence...
He was prepared for the worst, but how much worse than it was present could it get?
"Um, I guess it's time to say goodbye..."
He seemed to have her attention, insofar as one could be sure of that when it came to her.
"But first I would like to ask you a question..."
So, she waited.
"It's not like I didn't like it, but, is there a particular reason you invited me for dinner?"
Great. The candidate just lost one hundred points! What kind of question was that supposed to be? It was probably another of those things that should have been obvious but slipped right past him all the time.
He couldn't even imagine what she might think of him now – She was being nice to him, and he had to go and question it. Maybe the whole thing was supposed to be a date after all, and he had just revealed the extent of his own cluelessness.
But now that he had failed, he had no choice but to wait for her to answer. If she intended to give one at all, it seemed like she first needed a little time to think about it.
"I had the impression that you were dissatisfied with the fact that I had not participated in the meal on our last visit to the cafeteria."
Then... had she done it because she thought he wanted it, not because she wanted it herself? Was she just doing him a favor?
"It was not possible that day. Dr. Akagi had scheduled an examination later that day, and she explicitly instructed me not to eat anything in the three hours preceding it... But it was fine today."
So she had... been with Dr. Akagi shortly afterward?
Involuntarily, Shinji had to think of the mountain of pills she had swallowed in the cafeteria - what were they alll for? Not to mention all the times she'd been missing from school... Just what might be wrong with her?
It seemed rude to ask directly, after all, it was none of his business.
Nonetheless, he couldn't help but think that all the experiments, training and fights she had to suffer through as a pilot could only be exacerbating whatever condition was already afflicting her fragile body – that is, if working for NERV from a very young age hadn't caused her poor health to begin with.
Was the ability to pilot EVA truly so rare that they had no choice but to force this fight on someone in her state?
Once more, he became painfully aware that they were truly finding a war -
But he never would have guessed the dark secret that could have answered his questions... Perhaps he lacked the drive that would have been necessary to investigate all the signs and seek all the answers. But maybe that's a part of why he was able to recognize a girl worthy of protection where most of the others had only seen a tool.
"Well then, I'll... I'll get going before Misato-san wonders what's keeping me so long..."
"Don't worry, you don't have to be afraid of any repercussions. The commander himself said that he has no objections to our spending time together."
"W-What...?"
That he was her boss at NERV didn't mean that his father was aware of every little detail of Misato's private child-rearing practices, but that wasn't the point.
(Much, much later, he would come to consider that she might have overestimated the commander's sphere of influence because she still believed his inordinate involvement in her own life to be perfectly normal – or perhaps, she hadn't been overestimating anything at all...)
"He was informed about your visit to headquarters right before EVA 00's activation experiment and inquired about our meeting, -"
"And d-you told him everything!?"
"His questions weren't very detailed."
The Third Child exhaled in relief.
"But he really... asked about me? And he said he didn't mind us spending time together?"
"Yes."
"You looove the way I look at you/
While taking pleasure in the awful things you put me through/
you take away /
when I give in /
MY LIFE, MY PRIDE is BROOOOOKEN"
Turning the headphones a little louder than any professional ear doctor would have recommended, Shinji stared from his bed, fixating the usual spot on the ceiling as he allowed the fast melodies of the guitars to wash his thoughts out of his head, and with them, the many questions and doubts that accompanied every single one.
Had his father truly asked Rei about his whereabouts, much like he often asked her about him? No. Wrong.
He had asked Rei who she was spending her time with because he was interested in Rei. If anyone else had come around to see Rei, his father would have been asking about that other person.
On the other hand... Since the leader of NERV had apparently classified him as an appropriate playmate for his esteemed foster daughter, something most people would be choosy about... Didn't that imply that Shinji's father must have a somewhat positive opinion of him? Could it be...?
On the other hand... he had never shown any interest concerning his own circle of friends – Shinji would be very surprised if he knew who Touji, Kensuke and Nagato even were, and while he certainly knew about Asuka, that had more to do with her being the pilot of EVA 02...
Wait, was it even right to count the Second Child among his friends?
He'd certainly like to, but he wasn't sure if she saw it the same way...
Wasn't it more like she only "tolerated" him because they had to live and work together...? A while ago he thought he could have answered this question quickly, but now he was no longer sure...
In theory, he should have been glad that it wasn't a clear "no" anymore, but in practice, it just made everything more complicated.
At least back when he could be pretty sure that she simply hated him, he had a rough idea of how to act and what to expect...
What the Third Child didn't know was that his blue-haired comrade was engaged in a very similar activity at the time.
She, too, was laying on her bed, lost in thought, her gaze lingering not on the ceiling, but on the pale moon disk which was clearly visible through the gap in her curtain, especially when it was the only light that had ever illuminated her dark, colorless apartment.
From her bed, she could easily see her books and the Commander's glasses, which she had deliberately placed in the path of the moonbeams.
So that book had been written by the Commander's wife...
She had figured that must have had a wife at some point since it usually took two people to produce a son, but even regarding the son, she'd known next to nothing until the day he appeared in Neo Tokyo 3.
The Commander had never mentioned either of them...but at this time, she didn't quite understand why it seemed to bother her; She didn't understand that she was afraid of being just a small, insignificant part of his work... for it made perfect sense that he wouldn't tell her about it. Why would he? There was no reason, and it wasn't relevant to her duties, either.
So why would it bother her...?
She had never paid attention whether things bothered her or not since it had not been relevant to the project.
And there was that other question she had never asked herself before: Was she happy?
Now that she was alone, she couldn't really answer.
Most of the time, she didn't feel all that much, and even when she did, she had always let it pass since it had never been important.
It made no difference... As long as she fulfilled her task and continued 'functioning', nothing made a difference, not even whether she lived or died...
If she died, she could be replaced -
If she had ever been alive to begin with.
Was she anything other than a mere object that was only pretending to be alive for a short while, until the plan moved on to the next stage?
It wasn't even a particularly good illusion:
It took all of Dr. Akagi's knowledge and skill to maintain the facade, and even then it was painfully obvious that she didn't look like anybody else, nor did she understand them very much.
What the true living considered to be the most important parts of life passed her by in the distance, and as the day of the prophecy approached, she felt her tentative existence starting to fade and disappear.
And then it came over her, in waterfalls and tsunamis, despair, pain and loneliness, mixed with an inhuman longing for nothingness that terrified even her –
Strange, heavy thoughts, so fundamentally different from everything she had ever known that no human being could have understood them, a supernatural melody that seemed intent to lure her to its source like a wispy ghost light.
She wanted to cling to herself and her life, but all she had were vague lies and blood-spattered sheets, a faded, colorless dream of a stranger who might one day awake to reclaim her soul.
She could not recognize or explain it, so there was nothing she could do about it.
She could neither talk nor cry about it, so he had no other choice than to lie there as the painful feelings run their course, observing their effects with distant curiosity.
Until now, she had endured it by clinging to her connections, to her purpose, and to Commander Ikari. All this, all of this was real - Eva 00, the gloomy laboratory in the depths of NERV headquarters, water, and moonlight... Is was them who had made her who she was and what defined her actions, not some faraway impression of a distant voice.
that was what she had done, what she was, what all her actions were, not some distant impression of a distant voice.
There was no way it could all be a lie...
No, the time she shared with Third Child today was no lie. All their shared memories felt so real, warm, crisp and distinct amid the diffuse fog of her general existence.
These moments had belonged to her alone, to Rei Ayanami, and no one else, not one of the many building blocks from which her artificial existence had been assembled – and yet, it seemed like they rarely had anything to do with one another, he seemed to exist far away from her, almost as distant as everything else-
And in moments like these, she needed proof, something concrete and tangible she could hold and feel in her hands to assure herself that she was truly here-
Usually, it was the commander's glasses that filled this role, but today her ghostly hands reached for something else - it was one of the books the Third Child had left her, the somewhat thinner one.
Most people would hardly have recognized the letters in this darkness, but Rei was so used to the twilight that she could read it just fine – which, of course, meant that she had no reason to turn on the light; Besides, she doubted whether it would even still work.
She had little concept of comfort, so she didn't even bother to move hr single folding chair closer to the window, but simply remainied standing in the moonbeam, continuing to read on her feet.
Strange.
The symptoms that the book's narrator seemed to associate with the presence of a certain male classmate somewhat resembled the strange sensations she herself would sometimes experience in the Third Child's presence. So far, she had assigned them very little importance because they weren't affecting her work as a pilot -
Besides, it was not unusual for her to experience the occasional malfunctions of her physical components – if they were at risk of becoming serious impediments, Dr. Akagi would have taken care of it during her last maintenance session.
Rei was all the more surprised that the protagonist of the book seemed to give very high priority to these signs and saw them as an indication that she and the classmate who seemed to trigger their appearance were meant for each other. Surely, that part was not applicable to Rei - she herself knew what she was meant for (Triggering the Third Impact), and that had little to do with Ikari-kun.
Still, if there was a possibility that this symptom complex could herald serious consequences, it couldn't hurt to have information about it.
In order to recognize and solve a problem, if one existed, one needed to know about its nature. Determined to acquire this information, and also motivated by a bit of honest curiosity, Rei turned the page...
The veils of the night led the Third Child back to this dark music hall that was familiar, yet strange -
Like last time, a new participant had arrived to join them.
This time it was Rei who entered the room with a viola in tow.
She walked past him and Asuka toward a third folding chair that, like the last one, seemed to come out of nowhere.
As in his waking life, Shinji found himself observing her in fascination, even if it was only from a distance; of course he had greeted her as she had come on, but he hadn't even expected an answer - Asuka, on the other hand, either found its absence very amusing, or simply felt compelled to express her general dissatisfaction at Rei's existence with a high giggle.
If Rei cared at all about being laughed at, she didn't let it show as the began to coax wondrous sounds from her instrument.
And just like that, it was all over and life continued as usual.
Back to school - Ayanami's seat was occupied again, Asuka's was surrounded by a swarm of girls as usual, and the seat that had been Mayumi's for the last couple of days had gone back to being just another empty desk – Shinji hadn't been able to say goodbye to her after all...
Somehow he'd felt as if he owed it to her - He knew all too well that it couldn't be too pleasant to leave town with no one to show you that they'd miss you, even if she had only lived here for a very short time...
It was out of his hands now - he had asked Misato about it this morning, but she could only confirm what he'd feared: She had already been released from the NERV hospital, and he didn't know where else to meet up with her - for all he knew, she could already have left the city.
In the end, nothing could ever be perfect – All things considered, he thought he had been able to do right by her: He had saved her life several times, shared many beautiful new experiences with her, and he'd even go as far as to say that they'd both learned some important new things in their brief time together.
Wherever she was now, whatever life had in store for her next – He hoped that she'd be able to live a better life from now out -
So it wasn't like the last few days meant nothing, even if they would never see each other again.
His efforts had not been in vain.
Victory didn't come cheap – large parts of the city were still in ruins, and though Misato had made a concerted effort to keep him away from newspapers and television, it was not long until he found out that many people had lost their jobs, their houses and their livelihoods: Even discounting Mayumi's absence, he could see with his own eyes how their classroom had once again grown noticeably emptier.
On the way to school, Asuka had been going on about how Hikari had been feeling somewhat down as of late because one of her childhood friends had moved away.
Last night she'd been too busy comforting the class representative over the phone to spend much time wondering why Shinji had come home so late, which had probably saved his hide – Shinji was a terrible liar and he had little doubt that she'd take it as a personal insult if she found out that he'd been hanging out with Ayanami.
On the other hand, it was yet another one of these moments where it suddenly hit him that Asuka was, in a lot of ways, not that much, unlike any other normal girl who'd see it as their sacred duty to support their best friends.
Though she had always been popular at school, most of those 'friendships' had always been of a transparently superficial nature that left Shinji wondering if Asuka actually liked any of them, or if she simply liked the trappings of being popular – in a lot of ways, Asuka acted like her classmates were utterly beneath her. But at least in Hikari's case, it seemed like she was actually capable of acting like a proper friend with all the loyalty, empathy and supportiveness that would entail.
Knowing that was at least... encouraging, even though it would probably be a long, long time before he'd have any chance of joining that chosen circle.
Either way, people had had to move away, and he, the guardian of this city, naturally found himself confronted with the question of whether he could have prevented all this somehow.
But at least all these people had just moved away and were not dead.
Everything could have been much, much worse...
All in all, he had reason to be happy and even a little proud.
He had prevented much, much worse.
Accordingly, he showed the person approaching his seat with hesitant steps a good-humored smile, even if their identity surprised him.
He had already noticed from the footsteps it couldn't be one of the "usual suspects" - the people most likely to visit his place, more precisely Touji, Kensuke and Asuka, would make a lot more noise.
Even so, he would have expected Nagato or even Ayanami rather than the girl he actually saw in front of him when he looked up from his half-eaten bento: Hikari the class representative.
"Hello Horaki-san! What brings you here?
"I... well, I was about to accompany Yamagishi-san to the station because I didn't want her to go alone... and I wanted to ask you if you wanted to come with me. You were friends with her, weren't you?"
"Yes, that's... that's right."
"Well then... can you please come with me? I'm sure Yamagishi-san would be happy to see you and besides, I'd prefer not to go on my own, because... well... I was there just yesterday, with Ayumi-chan."
"Your friend who moved away, right? Shikinami told me about it."
"Yeah... So, would you like to come with me?
She didn't have to ask twice.
It was an opportunity he hadn't dared to dream of, the last chance to say goodbye to Mayumi as she deserved - now that Hikari would be there, there was no big chance that anything ...would happen, but that wasn't the important part anyway.
The main thing was that he would be there to see her off.
"By the way, I'm really grateful that you came with me, Ikari-kun."
"Oh, uh... you're welcome. Though I'm a little surprised that you didn't go with Shikinami..."
"That wouldn't be such a good idea... I'm afraid Asuka is a little bit jealous of Yamagishi-san..."
"Jealous? Shikinami? Why in the world would she be jealous of Yamagishi-san...?"
"Haven't you noticed?
"Noticed what?"
"Promise me you won't tell Asuka anything about what I'm going to tell you right now."
"Okay...?"
"I think she likes you."
"Who? Yamagishi-san?"
"Maybe her, too, but actually, I was talking about Asuka."
"W-what...? Did she tell you that...?"
"Of course not. As if I would just babble out something so confidential. But I am her best friend. I notice that kind of stuff."
"Are you sure that you're not misunderstanding something there? Don't be angry with me, but Shikinami can barely stand me... She always teases me and complains about everything I do... Even though I often wish that it wasn't like that...
After all, she, Ayanami and I are the only EVA pilots in the whole wide world... I feel like we should be able to get along..."
"Have you never watched any romantic comedies? Asuka may not want to admit it because she is a very proud person, but actually, you mean a lot to her..."
"You really think so...?"
"I don't 'think so', I'm positively certain... and that's why... it's important that you make a choice and stick with it."
"A choice...?"
"If you feel the same way, you have to tell Asuka and stand by her, if you don't, you have to tell her clearly. You mustn't lead her on by any means, do you hear me?
Asuka is my best friend... so if you dare to make her unhappy, you 're going to have a problem with me, understood?
Asuka might be a strong person, but she also has her sensitive sides. I know that very well since I'm her best friend... Once, on a day when she was in a really bad mood, she told me that back when she was a small child, her father cheated on her mother. What's more, her parents ended up divorcing over it, and her father ended up marrying his mistress... and that's how she got her stepmother. "
"W-What...? Really...? I knew she had a stepmother, and that she didn't have a very good relationship with her father, but I thought he just remarried after his wife died..."
"No, it wasn't like that. They definitely got divorced."
"But if that's how it is... why didn't Shikinami move in with her mom instead?"
"I don't know." Hikari admitted. "She doesn't talk much about her. But the point is that Asuka has a bit of a complex about how her mother was never able to win a man's love... or that's how I think she sees it.
You know, for a girl, her own mother is the first example of what a grownup lady is supposed to be like, and where she takes the concept of her own femininity from. And when you have to watch your mother being treated badly, as a girl you get afraid that you could be treated badly yourself because you are a girl... you take that very personally. That's why, for example, women whose mothers have been beaten often end up in bad relationships as well – Because that's what they think a relationship looks like, and what their place in it is. But of course, no one wants to end up like that, so there's a lot of people who act like tough amazons in order to reject everything that reminds them of their mother, and get very defensive so that they don't get taken advantage of, or because they find it hard to trust a man since the first one they knew as a child was such a jerk to your mom.
Do you understand what I am getting at?
What I'm trying to explain to you is... Asuka is terribly afraid of being betrayed by a boy the same way as her mom... That would really be her worst nightmare of all time.
So if you're thinking of pursuing her, don't do it unless you're really serious about it."
"I... I know I don't know Shikinami as well as you do, but I've been living with her for weeks, and I honestly can't imagine her having these kinds of complexes..."
"Maybe... But there's a more important question here: How do you feel about Asuka?"
"I... I don't know..."
"Didn't I just tell you to be serious...? Either you love her, or you don't."
"I... I really don't know... I mean, I don't think she likes me... She doesn't even call me by my name... And why would she...? What would a girl like Shikinami see a guy like me? Besides, we have nothing in common..."
"That wasn't the question I asked you."
"I know, but, it doesn't matter what I think or feel about her, I just don't think this could ever work out... As far as I know, the one she likes is Kaji-san..."
"Don't tell her that I said that but..." She smiled. "From what she told me about him, he is twice her age. That will never work out..."
"It doesn't matter whether it works out or not. The point is that she likes someone else. Someone who's almost like the exact opposite of me."
"Oh sure, I'm sure Asuka would love to have a super cool boyfriend to show off with, but that's just a crush... She likes all his coolness and the stubbles, not him. I think that when it comes down to it, she sees him more as a kind of father figure. "
"Father figure...? That's not what it sounds like to me..."
Hikari sighed, but her smile didn't disappear.
"Well, just think about what we talked about today, okay? Anyways, I don't get why Asuka complains about you all the time..."
"Um... what do you mean...?"
"At first I thought you really were the idiot she always describes you as, but now I realize that you can be quite sensitive at times... How is it that someone like you is hanging around with such simpletons as Aida and Suzuhara?
"I wouldn't say that they're simpletons or anything..."
"Hm. I guess you just have to really get to know them, hm? Actually, as of late, I've been starting to think that you might not be so wrong about that..."
"I think it's... really nice of you to accompany me here..."
"Don't mention it." Hikari replied. "It's part of my duties as the class representative. Besides, I wouldn't want you to be waiting here all by yourself..."
Like many others who had left the city before, Mayumi awaited her train at the very same station that had been Shinji's crossroads a long, long time ago - he could still feel the remains of the gloomy memories that had been drawn up by the air and the concrete of the buildings, but saw them only as an incentive to fill this place with the echoes of prouder moments.
"It's... it's almost time..." Mayumi began, somewhat embarrassed, but undoubtedly happy - she didn't quite seem to know what to say, which words were worthy of being addressed to a person who had changed her life from the ground up.
"Well then... goodbye. Take good care of yourself." Offered Hikari.
"Yes... you too. And please, forgive me for all the grief I've caused you..."
"You're apologizing... again." the Third Child noted, smiling because in the end everything had turned out alright, though he couldn't help wavering just a little at the prospect of their imminent farewell.
"Maybe... we'll see each other again some day..." Mayumi mused while the train drove into place, setting her long, shiny hair in motion by the airstream.
"But I want you to know that... seeing you and getting to know you have given me a lot of courage for the future... and I would like the same to be true for you as well, Shinji-kun.
"You... used my first name..."
"Oh, e-excuse me...!"
"...Again. It's okay."
"We'll see each other again," she added hurriedly when she realized that the train door had just opened behind her.
"Sure we will. As long as we're all still alive, that's always a possibility, isn't it?"
"Of course."
And then she got in and the door closed right on her heels. Instead of immediately looking for a seat, she first stopped behind the door to wave to them through the small window in the door, until the train had passed them completely and left them all behind with sincere smiles on their faces.
Yes... As long as they were all still alive, a lot was still possible...
So it happened that Yamagishi Mayumi disappeared from his life almost as soon as she had stepped into it... But even so, this brief crossing of their paths had left its marks on both of them.
For one thing, he now believed that he might actually get to take part in that 'future' Misato had been speaking of. His problems were still far from being solved, but he was beginning to suspect where he had to keep looking in order to find the pieces that were still missing from the whole of his 'puzzle`.
And there was something else that Mayumi had left for him - even if the school festival had ended up falling through, one of the CDs once intended for it, recorded with Mayumi's voice and thus containing, so to speak, a small part of her, remained with him.
There couldn't have been a more fitting souvenir for their time together. Besides the CD, Kensuke also had the whole thing as an MP-3 file on his computer, but that was considerably less helpful if you preferred portable music device still ran on cassettes.
Luckily, he had noticed an old CD player between Misato's many piles and boxes of assorted chaos quite some time ago, so he knew where to find it now.
Originally the music was meant to be a backdrop to sweeten the task of doing today's dishes, but soon after he pressed the play button, he was much more engaged with the music than he was with the contents of the sink.
Mayumi really had a great voice, and the lyrics were beautiful too...he wondered if she had been thinking about him while she was singing.
This song alone, along with the added layers of meaning it had acquired over the last few days, enough in and of itself to drive the tears into his eyes, but the possibility that he could be the addressee also did its part.
Either way, the dishes were waiting, so it was time for him to grab the soap and -
Crunch. The door was opened loudly, undoubtedly with the intention of attracting his attention - that couldn't be a good thing... no, he knew pretty well what that meant, or more precisely, whose arrival it must be announcing.
"What kind of schmaltzy music is that?
Turning to her, even if only to counter something, was a deadly mistake.
"Oooch." Asuka giggled. "Whatever it is, it's clearly too much for you to handle.. Has anyone ever told you anything that men aren't supposed to cry?"
His first instinct would have been to apologize, but since his attention for that same kind of sentence was sharpened by Mayumi's recent farewell, he stopped the words before they left his mouth, knowing what 'thanks' he would get for them.
So he didn't bother in the first place: "...don't tell me you're expecting me to apologize for it!"
"Pah! "The redhead spat, leaving the room just as quickly as she had entered it.
There she was, lowering herself to gracing him with her presence, and he took it as an invitation to get cocky! But he understood nothing at all.
He was simply and poignantly completely deaf to her merciful offers and her generous patience!
She really ought to give up this waste of time and space once and for all.
Annoyed, grumbling and just a little bit wounded, she had marched halfway across the halfway on the way to her room before she noticed something astonishing:
Disbelieving, she replayed his word in her mind's eye (or rather, her mind's ear): "...don't tell me you're expecting me to apologize for it "!
That, she wouldn't do, not after all the time she'd spent trying to get him to stop the constant apologizing in the first place. Whether he really intended to change permanently, or (which seemed much more likely to her) simply believed he could impress her like this, it appeared that her words hadn't fallen on deaf ears after all...
It would take a long time for her to forgive herself for the obvious, distinctly real smile that made her face shine like Moses' did when he was descending from Mount Sinai, touched by the glory of the Almighty.
The crazy thing was that for a moment she wanted to run straight back into the kitchen, but her pride wouldn't allow her to.
It was his own fault if he could not express his change of mind more clearly.
And she continued to hold onto her conviction that he was undoubtedly a wimp.
Still, stomping into her room didn't seem half as attractive to her as it had been the second before.
To satisfy her extreme paranoia for all signs of weakness, she did it anyway, ripped open the door of her room, and slammed it shut without having passed through, then tipped her toes towards the still open kitchen door as if the hallway was a minefield, and then leaning as casually and disinterestedly as possible against the moving part of the sliding door, only minimally squinting in the direction from which she heard music, typical kitchen noises and occasional sighs, not bothering to fight against her thin grin and the accompanying feeling of satisfaction.
Closing her eyes to concentrate on the sounds produced by the object of her desire would probably have been too much of a good thing, but she could also guess well what he was doing anyway.
"Well, what do we have here?
Damn that Misato – Asuka was beginning to suspect that she must have been something like a ninja in a previous life.
If she hadn't forced her to deny everything loudly and end up to go to her room to vent her frustrations on the buttons of her Gameboy, she might have come over to ask this fool if she could help him somehow.
"But..." Shinji asked as he handed his roommate the washed plate to dry and put away. „I thought you hated spending time with me..."
In order to preserve her dignity, she had at least ensured that he took over the parts of the job that involved the possibility of coming into contact with the slimy leftovers of yesterday's food.
"Don't get me wrong, it really drives me crazy when you act like an idiot, but as long as you don't, I don't particularly mind you...
...Why are you crying again now? Stop it you wimp! That's nothing to get so worked up about!"
"Here. This is for you, Commander. "
She held out the brown envelope to him, holding it up with her outstretched, little pale arms in a way that, - bizzarely, unpleasantly - brought up memories of a two-year-old Shinj proudly presenting some of the first scribbles he'd been able to produce with the aid of thick wax crayons.
"What is that...?"
"Scientific journals. Some of the latest publications in fields relevant to the project. I hope they will be useful to you."
"They certainly will. But I would have procured them anyways... why did you do that?"
It was unusual for her to act on their own initiative, which made them suspect that the idea was not, in fact, her own.
"Ikari-kun suggested it. He said you might like it. Was I out of line...?"
"Not at all." He assured her, taking the envelope out of her hands and tearing it open right away.
She did nothing wrong. It was only that the sight felt much more familiar than he could bear.
"Here, for you, Rokubungi-kun!"
She had held out her arms in the exact same way; Perhaps, they had appeared a little less bright and had been a little more meat on them, but the differences were extremely slight.
Her hair was a tiny bit longer and parted on sides of her forehead instead of falling into, the colors were different, warm chocolate brown and mysterious green, as if she had two living jewels in her eye sockets, shimmering emeralds decorating a smile like spring itself, and every bit as lost to the world as the season;
He did not believe that this world would ever again see colors that brilliant, nor such sunshine as the one whose warmth she had shared with him on that day.
There wasn't a single spark of warmth left in this world since she had left it behind.
She had been very young, then, in truth, too young to have any business at a university, and of course much, much too young for him, but he had stopped caring about those kinds of things a long, long time ago.
She had something playful about her, her very private pleasure that she alone had the privilege of seeing him like that, without his cunning grin, or the sinister, unemotional expression that had already taught so many to fear him, but embarrassed and clumsy, not knowing how to react to this friendly gesture, because he was not received a great many of them in his life so far.
"Well, you said that you could hardly afford your rent from your scholarship, and I would not bear the thought of you starving to afford all these books they make us buy."
"I'll pay you back. My next payday is in two weeks".
He didn't understand what led her giggle in response, but he knew that he had simply avoided her gaze back then, knowing he was unworthy to float in the haze of her orbit.
"Sorry if I-"
"You don't have to apologize, and you don't have to pay it back. It would be quite enough for me if you would try this here."
Her smile, accompanied by her forefingers pulling playfully at the corners of her mouth as if to display instructions on how he might go about doing the same. That and those books, those were the very first things that anyone had done for him and him alone.
"You really shouldn't be wasting your time with me... Everyone says I'm bad company and that I'm only after your sponsors' money..."
His predatory, self-ironic grin distorted his hard face.
"Really, you should listen to Fuyutsuki."
"I think I'm grown up enough to decide for myself who I spend my time with."
Overcome with feeling, he dropped whatever his hands had been holding at that moment - presumably it hadn't mattered anyway, he couldn't even remember what it had been, just that Fuyutsuki was somewhat upset about finding it in pieces the next day.
It has simply ceased to matter in the split second before he wrapped his arms around her, full of passion, with extreme devotion, fearing death less than the prospect of doing anything wrong.
It probably should have been the other way around, especially considering his impressive stature, but in the end, it was he who let himself fall into her embrace, sinking to his knees as they proved beyond his ability to control.
As he kneeled in front of her, burying his hot, desperate face in the underside of her chest, she calmly patted him on top of his head.
How could he express it, this feeling that was so much more intense than anything he had known before, that had taken him over so completely that there was not much else left of him to stand apart from it and allow him to describe it.
"I love you too... I want you so much that it tears me apart... I want you, every bit of you, even the most disgusting part of you, even the deepest of your madness and the wildest of your dreams... I would kill for you, do you know that...? I could prove it to you right now if you want it... I mean it seriously, be careful what you ask me... I cannot say no to you, and it already makes me furious that I have to die before you..."
The grip of his hands tightened, he literally clawed himself into the white coat that separated him from her skin. It was too much... He knew only too well that he was a sinner, but alone that he was allowed to be here, to make her bosom his refuge, where he was surrounded by her warmth and scent, could have been enough to send him to heaven; If he wasn't careful, his heart would surely simply stop beating, because it was not used to feeling such bliss, because that was more than it was built to endure, more than should be granted to earthly beings, let alone a creature like himself... If he wasn't careful, her mere light would purify and burn the unworthy filth that comprised his body, spirit, and soul, until nothing would be left of it.
If he wasn't very, very careful, he would spend the rest of his life in her embrace, because nothing else on this earth could ever interest him after experiencing this kind of perfection.
"Of course... if I were to die then... I wish I could drag you along with me to the depths of hell... I don't want to leave you to anyone else..."
"And what happens..." she asked, thoughtfully brushing a strand of dark hair from his face. "If I die first? These are dangerous times... Don't think that SEELE will hesitate to get me out of the way just because my parents are members."
The mere thought was torture... he wrapped his arms even tighter around her as if his life depended on it and nothing else.
"That is out of the question! I would, of course, follow you on the spot... but first, I would make sure to leave the ones responsible covered in parts of themselves that were never meant to see the light of day."
"Oh my goodness... That sounds like quite a mess... Looks like I'll have to come up with some way to make sure that I never die..."
But he didn't feel like joking, and to make that clear, he looked firmly into her eyes, demanding, almost commanding, and glittering with wild delusion, revealing all the ugliness of his black soul in front of her, his greedy heart, his insatiable desire and his infinite helplessness, the way he was completely at her mercy, how everything he was hung on the single thread of her answer, as if she alone determined whether the earth continued to turn, the sun continued to shine and the clocks continued to tick.
"Marry me."
It was not a question, but a demand.
"I mean it. Marry me."
And she had just nodded as if it were the most natural thing in the world, without even spending a Planck time doubting her decision, or even thinking about it.
"Come and have a listen, Gendo! Can you make out the baby's heartbeat?"
"I'm not sure if I hear anything at all..."
"And can you feel his little kicks...?"
"I'm afraid not..."
"What a well-behaved young man! He already knows better than to kick his father in the face." She laughed.
"Are you sure it's not a young lady...?"
"No, it is a boy. I am quite sure. ...Why? Did you always want a daughter?"
"It's hardly important. Forgive me... You wanted this child too much, and I'm already proving to be a miserable father before she's even born... You mut be wondering why you ever got involved with somebody like me..."
"Please don't say such sad things... I don't think a 'miserable father' would be too concerned with getting it wrong... Don't worry, everything will be fine... You just have to have a little more faith in yourself."
She took his hand and kissed it.
"Don't forget that I'll be around as well."
The last musician to arrive was a tall boy with silver hair and a broad smile on his face.
"You are LATE" complained Asuka.
"Sorry..." he replied, either failing to pick up on Asuka's hostility or choosing to ignore it.
"Shall we begin?"
(1) From this point onward, the rest of Act II will be mostly original material punctuated here and there by episodes 11- 14, GOS and a few other tidbits from the various games and spinoffs. Next up is what could in hindsight be dubbed the 'ZOMG I broke reality' Arc which is something that kind of grew organically and that I would probably structure differently to separate it out from backstory chapters and setup for the next bit... or maybe not, since I was kind of going for the 'sum-of-its-parts' effect here but I'm not sure that I suceeded. In any case, brace for psychedelic weirdness and major reveals...
(2) TL;DR: Within the next few chapters, Shinji is about to get an inkling of what's going on, and he is NOT going to like it.
(3) On that note, see you again in Chapter 2.19: [Tournabout]