Author's Note: Okay! New chapter! It's kinda long, so I really hope no one is mad about it. There's still so many chapters to write so I'm thinking I could condense some of them: just a little heads-up. Things are going okay for me but they could be better, thanks for asking, and I hope things are going well for everybody too. Keep on reading, I'll keep on writing, and we'll keep this story going :) Enjoy!

A Previous Summary: In celebration of Raven's success, the Titans get together for an evening of games and food. Raven is still has so much to learn about her powers, even with her accomplishment, so she is determined to keep practicing. The next morning, she gets up early and asks Robin if she could be timed in the course again. Her run through the course was very successful, which brightens her mood and leads Robin to consider if Raven is ready for other challenges. Back in the Main Ops room, Raven meets up with the green changeling. She watches him play video games and they play around a little, which ultimately compels Raven to kiss Beast Boy. Because Raven was pressuring Beast Boy too much, he pulled away, noticing that it was a strange thing for her to do. When he asks Raven if it really was her and not one of her Emoticlones, Raven realizes the problem and she vanishes.

Amnesia

Chapter 37: What's true about love?

"You guys better be hearing this," I said once I was alone in my room. "When I'm ready, I expect everyone to show themselves to me."

Wisdom was the first to answer: Raven, now is not the ideal time to be communicating. The anger you are experiencing could be a danger.

"I don't care! I want answers and I want them now!"

With the door locked and the shades drawn, I furiously assembled the Mirroring Dimensions ritual. The black sand was hastily poured and a crude ring, fashioned from candles, was set accordingly. A spell that I recited from memory caused their wicks to kindle and they cried wax tears as I retrieved my demonic mirror.

"Show yourselves," I barked into the darkness. Hesitantly, a pair of yellow eyes appeared in the smoggy glass. "I need to talk to Affection. Where is she?"

"She cannot see you."

"That's not your decision to make."

"And you cannot demand for Affection to speak with you."

"I have every reason to talk to her," I clarified. "And I know she's in there. I can make her come out."

"You can talk to me, Raven. I am sure there is a way I could help you."

"No! I don't need your help. I need to talk to Affection myself!" I snapped. "So unless you want me to summon Rage, tell me where is she!"

Wisdom seemed defiant against my orders. She would've continued to refuse too if nobody had intervened with her. I sensed the mental interruption in Nevermore and briefly, the mirror went quiet. I prodded the silence for an answer and, at last, the glass illuminated once more. The swirling smoke settled, revealing a pair of violet irises.

"Raven, before you get mad at me, I need you to understand-"

"You're such a coward," I spat at the mirror.

"No..."

"You did all of this‒mess with my mind, play with my emotions‒just so you could get close to Beast Boy. He has done everything for us and this is what you do to him?"

"No! That's not it!"

"I can't believe you." I tried my best to refrain from choking. The words tumbled out of my mouth as my eyes started to swell. "I can't believe what you made me do to him. I never would've done that!"

"No harm was intended," said Wisdom, once the eyes changed once again.

"But I wasn't even trying to use my powers and she still took over me. I don't even remember what I was thinking. I don't even remember if I wanted to do that or not. I'm starting to lose my mind…"

"Raven, we are still here. You have not lost us."

"You know what I mean, Wisdom. You saw what I did."

"Raven, please stop!"

At the moment, Timid was feeling the full effects of my sadness, or maybe she was the cause of it all; I'm not really sure I could tell a difference. Either way, I started to sob and Affection felt horrible to watch me break down. She kept pleading with me to hear her out but, somehow, I knew whatever she had to say would only upset me more.

"You humiliated me, Affection," I told her in a quivering voice. "It was all your fault. Beast Boy must hate me…"

"I didn't mean to embarrass you!" she cried.

"Then what were you thinking? What was I thinking?!"

"I- I don't know! I was just so fond over Beast Boy that I wanted to kiss him. You wanted to kiss him too, right? Didn't you want that?"

"I don't know anymore! But…" I took a moment to calm myself. "But what I did wasn't right. What I was doing to Beast Boy‒I never should've done that."

"This is not your fault, Raven," Wisdom tried.

"No! It's not my fault at all!"

My heart was pumping with fury, trying to free itself from my chest. I gasped to keep up with the demand for oxygen, but it only seemed to make me feel nauseous. The tears in my eyes had rusted and they stained my cheeks.

This isn't real, I thought. I'm talking to myself. I'm not talking with a real person. It's only me. I'm the only one here. It's only me.

"Raven, you must listen to me-"

I'm talking to myself. I'm talking to myself.

"It is not easy to explain, Raven, but you must listen. Nevermore is becoming unstable as we speak. Your emotions are not suppressed and Rage can use this if you are not careful. You need to regain control of yourself."

Is this what it's like to be insane? I asked myself, placing my hands on the floor so I wouldn't topple over. Are they actually real? Can things like this exist within my mind?

Starfire introduced them to me, I reminded myself. They must be real. Even she thinks they're real.

But it's only me. I'm not talking to anyone else here but me. It's just me.

"Raven?"

"No! Stop talking to me. I can't hear myself think!"

"Friend Raven?"

I flinched when I heard someone knocking on my door. Surprised by the interruption, I tried to breathe as quietly as I could, thinking it was a trick of the mind. The same person knocked on the door again, insisting that it was important. After I assured myself that I wasn't imagining it, I carefully stood up, brushed myself off, and answered the door.

"Friend Raven! Oh. Please, forgive me. Did I interrupt your session of meditation?"

I leaned against the door for support, forcing myself to look relaxed. I will admit, seeing Starfire did bring me some relief. I needed somebody to talk to‒somebody other than myself‒and Starfire would've been the first person I would ask for help, especially since she knew more about my Emoticlones than the other Titans. But, I was smarter than this.

I didn't go to Starfire for help: Starfire came for me, and I had no idea what she needed me for.

"No no, it's okay," I assured her, rather unconvincingly. "Uh...I'm fine. It just got...intense in there, but it's okay. What did you need to talk to me about?"

"We wished to speak with you up the stairs," she said. "The matters are most important, but if you are currently occupied, we may schedule another day for you."

"We can do it now. I'm not busy."

"You are sure?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

Without so much as a backwards glance, I closed my door and followed Starfire to the elevator. The Titans were all waiting for us to arrive in the Main Ops room. Cyborg was working on the computer, mapping the fastest route to the distress signal we had received, and Beast Boy was talking to Robin in an urgent manner; he had the same look of concern as the one I saw when I had disappeared.

"Alright, everybody's here," said Robin, finishing his discussion with the green changeling.

"What's going on?" I asked.

"We just got an alert from a bakery shop and the customers were reportedly being threatened. We're getting ready to go and, well, we thought you could come with us on the mission."

"Really?"

"It's totally up to you, but we're letting you know that if you want to join us, you're more than welcome to. I saw what you could do in the course and, honestly, you're getting better without even realizing it. At this pace..." Robin smiled to himself. "Who knows? You'll be ready for anything."

"What am I supposed to do there?"

"We'll just start off by having you shadow us," Cyborg informed me. "Nothing major: just the basics in our teamwork and crime-fighting. That way, you can see how we do things around here without getting hurt. You'll get the hang of it in no time."

"It doesn't have to be now," Robin reminded me. "But Mother Mae-Eye is our target today. We've taken her down before so it should be easier than going after the Hive 5 or someone like that."

"Yes. We assumed today would be the good day to accompany us," confirmed Starfire. "If that is what you wish…"

"I can do it," I answered quickly. "I can stay out of the way."

"Alright. So then we'll just take turns watching over you and-"

"I don't need a babysitter, Cyborg. I'll be fine."

"Yeah," Beast Boy retorted. "I'm sure Mother Mae-Eye will take care of the babysitting for us."

On the ride to our destination, Robin and Starfire drilled me about the villain we were going to face and then I was challenged with trivia on what to do in certain situations. I learned that Mother Mae-Eye was actually a witch with supernatural capabilities. She had powerful spells that could hypnotize her victims and alter their perceptions to make them "love" her as a mother. The Titans told me that they had defeated her in the past and they warned me not to get too close; her magic is highly influential and it's difficult to overcome it.

As we neared the scene of the crime, Cyborg hauled the T-car to the side of the road. He purposely parked it several blocks away so we wouldn't be spotted. Everyone unbuckled their seatbelts and stepped out of the newly-repaired vehicle. Word had spread that someone was attacking a bakery so many of the pedestrians had fled the area. Even from afar, I could see two police cars scattered near the entrance of the shop, but there were no police officers to drive them. They had to be inside the bakery, along with the customers that were taken as hostages.

"Alright, Titans. Let's move out. We'll storm the building from all directions. Whoever gets in, make sure Mother Mae-Eye is distracted before we get people to safety."

Starfire, Cyborg, and Beast Boy all agreed with the a nod. As they took off to their positions, Robin turned to me.

"Do you wanna help too?"

"As long as I'm not fighting anyone."

"You're gonna stay outside the building, alright? We'll try to evacuate as many people as possible and help them inside the police cars. Tell them to take everyone away from the bakery and to send others to pick up Mother Mae-Eye once we're done."

"What should I do afterwards?"

Robin half-laughed: "It would probably be best if you went with them."

"I'm not doing that," I clarified.

"I know you wouldn't, so just stay back and keep out of sight, okay? We'll take care of it."

"That, I can do."

As planned, the Titans penetrated the building from all directions. Starfire came in through the roof, Robin took the back way, and Cyborg and Beast Boy entered through the windows that faced the allies on both sides of the shop. Across the street, I watched mayhem ensure through the large window pane. I heard Robin shouting and occasionally, there would be blinding flashes of light as starbolts and Cyborg's sonic cannon made an appearance. Amidst the fighting, I could also see the silhouette of a pea-green boy. He started to collect the victims, inspecting their injuries and freeing them from captivity.

That was my cue.

While I held the door open, Beast Boy ushered about nine people out of the building. A few of them had been knocked out, probably due to the witch's magic, so they had to be carried. Beast Boy had personally assisted one of them and when he reached me, I took the limp arm of the unconscious boy and draped it around my neck. Being that it was a fairly tall adolescent, I struggled to support him and Beast Boy hesitated to leave.

"I got him," I yelped. "Go!"

With some help from another officer, I was able to place the boy into one of the police cars. I told them what Robin wanted me to say and assured them that we would take care of the rest. The officer thanked me, switched on his sirens, and took off down the road with the other vehicle following close behind. Inside the bakery, the villain heard the police sirens and she wailed in misery. Her scream was so powerful that the glass shattered and, for a moment, the bakery stood quiet. Fearful of being spotted, I scrambled into a nearby alley and blended into the shadows. When I heard the bell above the door jingle, I leaned over just enough to peek around the corner.

The outline of an old, fat woman scampered into the street, searching for the fleeing cars. It was hard to see her in the darkness but as she passed through the yellow halos that illuminated the streets, everything about her became clear. The Titans didn't lie about her appearance: Mother Mae-Eye had the bumpy, green skin of a toad and the withered hair of a scarecrow. Her Halloween-themed outfit was nothing to laugh at and I noticed that as she neared my hiding spot, she had a particular scent that wafted from her attire: could it be that she actually smelled like rotten food?

That's when her three eyes spotted me.

"My goodness! Has Rae-Rae finally woken up from her little nappy-wappy?"

Her shock at my presence quickly dissolved into amusement. I whirled around and I would've escaped down the alley, except I was stopped. Huge baby blocks fell from the sky and stacked themselves on top of each other, creating a barrier between me and the end of the alley. They were too tall to climb over and there wasn't enough space for me to squeeze past them. I also realized that the blocks spelled out my name in primary colors.

"It's a little late for Rae-Rae to be up," the witch laughed. "She's looking a little cranky!"

If my emotions hadn't been fluctuating, I could've easily defended myself. Based on their current state, I should've realized a problem earlier. I slashed my hand through the air, expecting to see a force of dark energy slamming into Mother Mae-Eye, but nothing happened. I tried again, though I knew what this meant immediately. My only other option was to find power through my mantra.

"Azarath Metrion Zi-!"

Before I could finish speaking, the witch cast a spell that caused a pacifier to lodge itself into my mouth. Immediately, I tried to remove it, but it was heavily enchanted. No matter how much I pulled, it wouldn't budge. I couldn't even move my mouth around it because the spell had caused it to clamp shut: the pacifier silenced me and I couldn't do anything about it.

"Oh, no no no!" she scolded me. "Potty-mouth will not be tolerated, Rae-Rae!"

Although I was unable to call out for help, the Titans surely saw that I was being confronted. They spilled from the bakery and crowded the street, locating the source of danger. My name echoed off the brick walls in the claustrophobic alley and I covered my mouth with both hands. I felt utterly humiliated to be seen like this: my flushed cheeks and the tears in my eyes must've added to the effect of how helpless I was, like a stupid, useless child. I was too shocked to think about what I should be doing and even now, I can't think of a solution that would've worked.

Out the corner of her eyes, Mother Mae-Eye noticed Cyborg charging towards her and she waved her magical spoon. In the air above him, a blue blanket appeared and, like a hawk, it swooped down to snag its prey. The blanket bundled itself around Cyborg, binding his hands and feet together so that he looked like a swaddled infant. He landed with a deafening thud and he continued to struggle but the mechanical man couldn't seem to free himself. The witch cackled at his vulnerability.

It was a laborious task to breathe now. Seeing the carnage of the crime made me feel sick to my stomach and the pacifier was still obstructing my airway, preventing me from using my voice. If I didn't speak my mantra, I wouldn't be able to enable my powers. I couldn't fly, I couldn't access my soul-self, and I feared that if I tried meditating, Mother Mae-Eye would attack me while I was distracted. The anxiety was getting to me. I couldn't suck in enough air through my nose to keep me steady on my feet: in a way, I was suffocating myself.

Starfire began to shower the witch with her starbolts, forcing her to defend herself. As an ox, Beast Boy dragged Cyborg away from the fight and Robin headed straight for me. I felt trapped. I had nowhere to run because Mother Mae-Eye wasn't too far away from the alley and she would surely seize me if I was caught. Even if I tried to run, I wouldn't make it very far without losing my breath. Blockaded by the over-sized baby toys, I shrunk into the alley and started to panic when I saw an approaching shadow. Thankfully, the masked boy was the first to arrive.

"Stay behind me, Raven," Robin instructed me. He positioned himself at the entrance of the alley and selected a weapon from his utility belt. "You're gonna be fine. We'll get that thing off of ya as soon as we can."

I can't use my powers, Robin! I can't do anything! Please don't leave me alone with her.

I knew he couldn't hear me. If my powers didn't work then there was no way we could communicate telepathically either. I cowered behind the masked boy, hoping he knew how desperately I needed his help.

We watched as the tangerine girl engaged in combat with the witch. Tired of fighting, Mother Mae-Eye conjured up a very large needle and thread and she sent it straight at Starfire. She managed to avoid the point, but the witch knew this would happen. Instead, the needle zigzagged around Starfire, knotting the thread around her in the process. Then, while holding the other end of the string, Mother Mae-Eye twirled Starfire several times in the air and flung her into the side of a building. Robin's voice strained when he called out her name. Starfire stirred among the rubble, though she looked pained from the impact.

Mother Mae-Eye wouldn't stop talking to me. Like a psychopath, she spoke in a tone that was eerily calm, inviting, even persuasive. She encouraged me to come forward, but I knew enough to not give her what she desired: my trust.

"Listen to Mother, dear. You children have had enough time fooling around. It's getting very late and Mother needs to take care of her children."

"You leave her alone," said Robin, threatening the witch with the end of his bo staff.

"Talking back to Mother won't do you any good, young man!"

Just then, Beast Boy appeared as a green elephant and he slammed into Mother Mae-Eye head-on. Dizzy from the collide, Beast Boy morphed back and rubbed head, hoping he didn't get a concussion. Meanwhile, the attack did very little damage to Mother Mae-Eye and she was back on her feet, preparing for her next move. The pink magic from her wooden spoon formed a larger-than-normal pie and she launched it. Her aim was precise because when the green changeling looked up to defend himself, it was too late: the pie splattered into Beast Boy's stricken face.

Immediately, Beast Boy fell to his knees and started to gag. He frantically pawed away the clumps of pastry, which had penetrated his eyes, his nose, and especially his mouth. However, despite the goo all over him, Beast Boy was careful not to consume even the tiniest amount of pie, for a morsel of it could make him fall victim to hypnosis. I knew this because some of the victims that I had helped out of the bakery had the same stains all over their faces and clothes. Some of them had pink eyes too, but as long as they were taken away from the witch, the spell should wear off soon enough.

As Beast Boy repeatedly wiped his tongue over sleeve, Mother Mae-Eye turned to Robin and I; "It's time to eat, children!" she bellowed. "Get it while it's hot!"

Several more pies were thrown at us but, thankfully, the masked boy acted promptly. He spun his bo staff in his hands, creating a "fan" that destroyed every pie that was sent our way. The first chance he had, Robin reached into his utility belt and pulled out a handful of metallic beads.

"I'm gonna make us some cover. Stay low!"

The beads landed just inches away from Mother Mae-Eye's boots and they burst into a cloud of putrid smoke. I shielded my face from the explosion and when I looked up, I realized that I was alone. Robin had disappeared into the opaque fumes, knowing that a criminal would be waiting for him amidst the confusion.

Remembering what the leader of the Titans had told me, I carefully made my way out of the alley, being sure that I wouldn't be noticed. Not too far away, Cyborg was awkwardly laying on the sidewalk. He was still trying to wriggle free, but to no prevail, so I hurried over to help him. His face sank once he saw me.

"Aw man. She got you too?"

I agreed with his lament by tightening my eyes and shaking my head.

The blanket turned out to be a bewitched monstrosity. As if it were alive, it constricted against his body the more he tried to escape. I did whatever I could to relieve the pressure Cyborg was enduring, but, like the pacifier in my mouth, the blanket wouldn't release its grip. Suddenly, while I was so frustrated that I was ready to rip the fabric apart, Cyborg got my attention and urged me to turn around.

The smoke was starting to disappear, revealing the onset between Mother Mae-Eye and Robin. They each had been successfully dodging attacks from their opponent, but at that time, there was a standstill. Robin had grabbed onto the spoon, knowing it was the witch's source of power, and he did everything he could to wrench it from her hands. Seeing this, the witch changed her motive and started aiming the weapon back at Robin.

As the tip of the spoon drew closer to Robin's face, the dynamic of Mother Mae-Eye's evil laughter crescendoed. She was preparing a spell to use on him, shouting a curse that could destroy his life. As his last effort, Robin gritted his teeth, winced, and gave the spoon a final tug. If a starbolt had not previously hit the witch on the back, scaring her into opening her hands just slightly, it never would've worked.

But it did.

In that short amount of time, Mother Mae-Eye lost her grip from the shock of the starbolt and, in the process, so did Robin. The force sent the spoon flying and it tumbled away from the both of them. Mother Mae-Eye howled with fury. She shoved Robin away and scurried after her magical keepsake. By the time she was where it was last seen, it was already gone.

Beast Boy had reached it first and he held it high above his head, his hair and face still smeared with the gooey filling of her cursed pie. He called out to Starfire and then threw it before the witch could intervene. Safe from any attacks, the tangerine girl caught the spoon mid-air and snapped it in half. The pieces fell back onto the pavement, splintering into oblivion. Mother Mae-Eye watched her spoon get destroyed and it spurt a small cloud of pink magic before it lay still. Severely weakened, she collapsed onto the street and mourned the loss of her magic wand. The witch couldn't hurt any of us anymore.

With Mother Mae-Eye rendered powerless, Cyborg was freed from the blanket. He got up and jogged over to the fallen villain, helping the Boy Wonder secure her hands and feet with handcuffs. Not much longer after that, police officers began to arrive on the scene again. The Titans informed them of the situation while Mother Mae-Eye was forced into the chamber of a truck, where they would charter her to a special prison. I felt a nudge and, without looking up, I realized that Beast Boy had been trying to get my attention for a while now. The pacifier in my mouth was gone, but even then, I didn't have the courage to answer him.

The very moment we arrived at Titans Towers, I fled straight to my room. I knew someone would try to stop me and when I felt Starfire's hand on my shoulder, I shrugged it off and ran even faster. Feeling as if I was being chased, I activated the door to my bedroom with trembling fingers and I locked it once I was inside.

Everything was the same as I had left it. The black sand was scattered all over the floor and the candles had died long ago, leaving puddles of hardened wax everywhere. I didn't bother to turn on a light. Nearly blind in the darkness, I fumbled into a new pair of clothing and then I crawled into bed. The clock on my bedside table informed me that it was only 5:34 PM though I showed no care.

After hours of trying to fall asleep, I finally gave in. I swept the sand particles as best as I could back into a neat circle and I gathered a new set of candles, physically lighting each of them using a book of matches. The mirror was still on the floor and I picked it up. My reflection was hideous but I leered at it bravely, knowing the risks of Nevermore. To my surprise, my eyes started to glow, becoming a fair pigment of lilac. Affection wasn't here to argue with me.

"It wasn't just you," I said to the demonic mirror. "There was another one. You and another Emoticlone influenced me at the same time. That's why it was harder to recognize it, to stop it: more of my personality was being used at once."

"Yeah," she answered, sounding a little worried.

"Can you tell me what happened?"

"We both had the same feelings for Beast Boy and I guess we wanted to kiss him, but I swear I didn't want to make a big show of it! I would've stopped too but- well, you know…"

I wanted to punch myself for not realizing it sooner. Starfire had told me once that if I tried hard enough, I could be perfectly balanced. That meant my emotions could work together and they could be equally expressed at the same time, allowing me to be both powerful and in control of myself. If it's possible for all of my Emoticlones to work together, who said that only two of them couldn't? Knowing how much influence one Emoticlone could inhibit, it was obvious that more than one could make me into an entirely different person if I wasn't careful.

"It couldn't have been Rage," I thought aloud. "And I highly doubt Timid had anything to do with it. Was it Happy?"

"Happy?" asked a bewildered Affection. "No, it wasn't her."

"Then who was it? Who did it with you?"

"I- I thought you knew…"

"Knew what?" I demanded. "Who was it?"

"Raven," my intelligent Emoticlone chided me.

"What is she talking about, Wisdom. What does she mean?"

"While we may share similar ideas, we do not always share the same feelings. Neither of us, your primary emotions, were involved with Affection's fluctuation, but you did experience one of the more rarer assets of your personality."

This was an entirely new concept to me. For ages, I had lived with the idea of conversing with my Emoticlones: Wisdom, Brave, Happy, Affection, Sloth, and Rude. I dealt with Rage and I was notified about the existence of Calm, but I had never heard of an emotion that was centered around sexual desires. The more I thought about it, however, it made sense. Affection showed fondness for others and she was passionate about simple romances and kind gestures. It was plausible to assume that Lust favored the inhibitions that I concealed as I ascended into adulthood.

"But I've never heard of her before," I protested. "I thought you said-"

"I am unsure of how it happened, Raven. We have not met Lust for a great while and at the moment, we are unable to locate her. Our memories of her appearance are fragmented, just as they are with Rage."

"How is that even possible?" I brooded. "She can't just disappear, and she can't just appear, can she?"

"That's what Rage did," Brave retorted. "What makes you think neither of us could do that too?"

"I don't know. But Rage is different. She doesn't want to cooperate with any of us and she'd do anything to be heard. Lust is not like Rage; at least, I don't think she is. I don't understand why she would revolt all of a sudden."

"Not every Emoticlone has existed within Nevermore since your birth," Wisdom concluded. "As you have aged and matured, new fragments of your personality were revealed. Similar to Calm, she is a newer addition to Nevermore and this seems to be one of your first experiences with this particular emotion. I believe it was before the event that caused your amnesia that we lost contact with her."

"I wish Lust was here. Maybe if I talked to her, I could learn something knew about myself."

"She'll come back again," Affection told me. "Being with Beast Boy and all, who knows what might happen?"

Some of my Emoticlones chuckled while I blushed, courtesy of Timid.

"And when she does, I'll be ready for her," I said.

If any of them made another appearance, whether it be Lust, Rage, or even Happy, I would be ready to fight them. I promised myself that I would.

Author's Note: I did notice some changes in the numbers on Amnesia. I remember that I had 100 Favorites at some point and now it's down to 98 again. I also had 149 Followers, it went down, but then I saw we had a new reader and it went back up again! I really hope I'm not offending anyone with these long chapters lol Remember, please let me know if you have suggestions, requests, or ideas for Amnesia! I appreciate the time you guys take to read this and I'll be back for another update soon enough :) Goodbye!