A/N: Warnings for brief mentions of non-con and smut.
The verdict is in...
37. The Fate of Our Brave
(Listening track selections: "Atonement" and "Losing It All" by Anberlin)
John grimaced in discomfort as Dr. Zineeri stood behind him and once again shoved the inadequately lubricated vibrating rod into his rectum against his will. Across from him almost close enough for them to crane their necks and kiss if they so desired, Catherine, heavily pregnant, was standing nude with her arms bound and hanging by a chain above her head. Having secured the vibrating rod in place inside John, Dr. Zineeri walked up behind Catherine, and after unzipping his trousers, pressed his arousal inside of her causing her to yelp with his sudden invasion. John clenched his jaw and closed his eyes in shame as he found his own member hardening, the vibrations continuing to massage away at his prostate. He could hear Catherine panting, but whether it was in pain or pleasure, he could not determine nor did he wish to know.
Unable to hold back any longer, John hissed as he found his release, his seed spurting freely from his erection. Opening his eyes, he was met with Catherine's frightened gaze, tears streaming down her cheeks as Dr. Zineeri continued his frenzied thrusts. Feeling utterly ashamed in his body's reaction, John felt a hot tear roll down his cheek as he whispered quietly to her, "I'm so sorry, Imzadi. Please forgive me. I have failed you."
"John! Wake up!" Catherine gently shook his upper arm before patting his cheeks. "You're having a nightmare, darling."
"No!" he sat up quickly, nearly head butting her by accident, and gasped as pain tore through his chest. "Ah!" he moaned to himself as he clutched at his torso where Dr. Zineeri had shot him barely a week earlier.
"Careful or you'll reopen your wounds," she scolded him as he struggled not to cry out loudly in pain. Sensing he was holding back to the best of his ability, she bit her bottom lip in worry and embraced him gently rubbing his back as he breathed heavily trying to ease the pain.
"I'm alright," John finally sighed and shuddered recalling his dream as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. "How long, Catherine? Exactly how long were we in captivity?"
"It's hard for me to comprehend, but they have told me that we were gone for two and a half weeks. I thought it was only about a week. I suppose it is easy to get disoriented to time, though, when you have no idea when it is day or night."
"Two and a half weeks of our lives lost that we can never get back," he frowned.
"Do you want to talk about it? Your nightmare?" she nuzzled into his neck.
"No, I would rather not discuss it right now," he ran his fingers through her short hair before releasing her from his embrace. "I know it upset you quite a bit, but your hair is still lovely even though it is short," the corner of his mouth lifted in a small smile.
"Oh, thank you," she tucked a few strands behind her ear. "Besides, it'll grow back again. Anyways, how are you feeling? Want to try some real breakfast today? I know you're getting tired of those protein shakes."
"As you can see, I am still quite sore, but despite the pain, I am starting to get stir crazy. While I understand that I need to let my body heal and work on regaining my strength, I'm quickly growing tired of being in this bed. I suppose, then, I should try to eat something," he reasoned aloud.
"I'll go ahead and get something from the replicator for you. If you tolerate your meals today without any trouble, I'll ask my mother to bring in some real homemade food for you tomorrow."
"That would be wonderful," John smiled as he gingerly lay back onto the bed then raised the head of it so that he could sit and eat more comfortably and have adequate support of his trunk.
"I also think that it's high time we get you a decent and thorough bath and wash your hair. We were both utterly filthy when they found us. Bed baths usually are adequate for your run-of-the-mill patients, but for you they're just not cutting it. Besides, it should feel good and help to ease your pain. I might even massage your back for you," she winked as she walked away to figure out what to get for his breakfast.
"How is my VIP patient this morning?" Dr. McCoy walked up to the biobed and began scanning John.
"Eager to get out of bed," John grunted, "but doing my best to put up with my current physical limitations."
"Well, now that your immune system is on the mend, you should start to feel stronger each day. Before we know it, you'll be back to your usual form, but until then, I will not be having you reopening your wounds and bleeding out while under my care," the physician warned him. "Oh, almost forgot," he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small bottle handing it to John. "It's the bullet I got out of you. Thought you might want it."
"Dr. McCoy, how close of a call was it?" John asked as he opened the bottle and held up the bullet to examine it.
"I truly think that if we found you only a few minutes later, it might have been too late. You had massive internal bleeding. If you had not been shot, you probably would have made it only a few more days as you were on the verge of sepsis. Our cohort raided Dr. Zineeri's lab, and our biochemists are studying the substances that he was using on you. I can never condone his actions, but I must admit that the man was probably a genius. I have never seen anything like it. He was using nanoprobes to attack your immune system cells. The technology he was using is more advanced than anything Starfleet scientists have yet been able to achieve."
"Nanoprobes?"
"Yes, microscopic machines that can be suspended in a subject's bloodstream and attach to specified cells. Theoretically, they could be used to repair and protect the body's cells from various diseases and microorganisms or even rewrite the DNA of the cells to which they are attached. In your case, he was using them to disable your immune cells. From what we can tell, if he continued to use the nanoprobes in high doses, it would have eventually killed you. He probably only intended to give you a large loading dose and then small doses at regular intervals to keep you under his control. Theoretically, he could also have used it to make you vulnerable enough to infect you with other organisms, stop administering it, and then see how your immune system would recover in order to better understand how it works."
"I see," John put the bullet away back into its bottle. "Are these nanoprobes still present within my body?"
"Yes, they are, but I was able to disable them with low doses of radiation. One of my predecessors, Dr. Phlox, mentioned something in a different context about nanoprobes and radiation once, so I figured that I would give it a try." Dr. McCoy paused and looked up nervously to see whether Catherine was on her way back to John's side just yet before quietly explaining, "When I knew that you were stable enough to do so, I had to perform a full forensic examination on you as part of the investigation into what happened to you both once you were kidnapped."
John went pale and replied, "You're going to tell me that you found recent tearing to my anorectal anatomy suggesting rape or at least nonconsensual medical probing of some sort."
"You do not have to tell me what happened if you do not wish to do so, but I still will have to present my physical findings to the council," Dr. McCoy frowned. "You can tell me how you wish for it to be stated, if you want. The council members will ultimately be respectful of your privacy."
Looking over to see Catherine still flipping through replicator cards, John swallowed hard before looking down at his hands that he had folded in his lap. "Present it in whatever way you feel will best play into the sympathies of the council members in the hopes of them being lenient with our sentencing," he finally responded.
"Very well," the doctor nodded before turning to leave.
"Doctor," John latched onto his arm, "I do not care about what happens to me. I was prepared to sacrifice my freedom or even die for Catherine if it came to it. You cannot imagine what it felt like for me having to stand by helplessly and watch them hurt her because of what I am. If they never found me adrift in space on the Botany Bay, she would have been safe and never in harm's way as Dr. Zineeri never would have needed a Betazoid to carry out his sick experiments. I do not want her to suffer because of me. They lured her to Section 31 under false intentions. She should not be punished for wanting to be by my side."
"We're doing everything we can to influence the council in both of your favors. I think that if any of them had previous doubts about what happened to you during your time in Section 31, they will be changing their minds once they learn the sordid details of what you both just experienced."
"I hope this will appeal to what little appetite you have," Catherine suddenly appeared at his bedside carrying a tray of food. Placing it on the bedside table, she wheeled it over in front of him.
"Oatmeal with brown sugar will do just fine," John managed a smile. "Full of nutrients, filling, and easy on the stomach in terms of digestion."
"I'm glad," she grabbed his spoon and stirred the oatmeal. Scooping some up and blowing on it to ensure it was not too hot, she lifted it up to his mouth.
Arching his brow, John opened his lips to protest and insist that he could do just fine without her help, but before he could get a word in otherwise, he found the spoon of oatmeal shoved into his mouth.
"It isn't too hot, is it?" she asked in genuine concern.
Shaking his head "no," John shot Dr. McCoy a look of annoyance as she worked on getting another spoonful ready for him.
"Sorry, friend, being divorced, not my area to give advice," Dr. McCoy held back a laugh and made a quick exit.
John suffered through the rest of his breakfast in silence allowing Catherine to feed it to him knowing that she only did it out of concern for his health. Relieved when the meal was over, he quickly found himself forgiving her noting the weary look on her face and the way she held her hand to her lower back as he watched her gathering towels and other items so that he could get a bath. He had forgotten about her muscle spasms and how her back had recently started to ache almost constantly, and he wondered how much pain she might have withstood during their captivity and subsequent escape but did not utter a word about it either for his sake or because she forgot about it as she was simply too concerned about him.
"Ready?" Catherine smiled upon returning from filling the bathtub in the adjacent room.
"Of course," John nodded and returned a smile.
After patiently waiting for her to move his tray and disconnect him from the remaining medical devices that were still attached to him to monitor his condition, John then moved until his legs were dangling off the side of the bed. As he had been working with a physical therapist and had already stood and walked short distances around his biobed with a steady gait, Catherine and John had unspoken confidence that he would at least be strong enough to walk and get into the bathtub without any major incidents. Carefully sliding off the edge, he allowed her to wrap her arm around his waist to help him stabilize his balance.
Successfully making it into the bathroom, Catherine quickly turned her attention to John as soon as the door closed behind them. Facing him, she reached behind his neck and then his lower back to untie his hospital gown before sliding it off of him. Taking in his nude form, she could not help but to inhale sharply as she felt heat pooling between her legs. Gently stroking his dirty hair out of his face, she could not help but to lean up and kiss him hungrily despite his filthy, foul-smelling state. Although John returned her kiss with equal desire, she pulled away suddenly with no warning putting a hand over her mouth.
"I'm sorry. I should have asked. It's too soon for you, physically and mentally. I wasn't thinking," Catherine explained as she nervously dipped her hand in the water to make sure it was the right temperature.
"Imzadi," John rumbled lowly taking hold of her bicep and pulling her back against his nude body and kissing her deeply. "I trust you. Take care of me."
Understanding his order, Catherine helped him as he stepped into the tub and eased slowly down into the hot water with a sigh of contentment, the warmth soothing his aches and pains. "The bruising is almost completely faded now," she thought to herself as she once again stroked his hair out of the way and examined his face in the bright light of the small en-suite bathroom. The swelling around his right eye had subsided days prior to this. "Despite everything, his immune system seems to be almost back to normal, and even now with it still weak, his body heals so quickly."
Catherine started by wetting his dark, thick hair and lathering it with shampoo. As she massaged his scalp, John occasionally let out quiet moans taking pleasure in her ministrations. She grinned to herself noting his flaccid penis starting to become erect under the water. Once finished washing his hair, she turned to washing his body. Working on his chest, she gently washed around his healing gunshot and gastrostomy tube wounds. Although closed over with newly grown skin, they were not only tender but also very vulnerable to reopening if they were to be insulted with fresh trauma.
"Such horrible weapons we used to have during your time," Catherine remarked quietly thinking of the revolver wielded by Dr. Zineeri. "I would take a phaser burn over this any day."
"I will most certainly have a permanent scar from this, but shh, no more speaking of such things," John lifted a wet finger and placed it over her lips.
"Yes, Khan," she beamed and returned to her task.
By the time Catherine was finished washing his body, John's penis was fully erect and lay proudly against his abdomen. Looking to John and getting his nod of approval, Catherine took his member into her hand and began pleasuring him. Enjoying her touch, John pulled her to him, albeit a bit awkwardly given them being separated by the bathtub, and began kissing her with fervor moaning into her mouth.
The sound of splashing water serving as a cover, John growled with satisfaction into her ear as he came, "Catherine!"
After allowing him a moment to bask in the afterglow of the hand job she just gave him, Catherine kissed the tip of his nose and asked, "Was that good for you?"
"It was excellent, better than a massage. I owe you for that," he smiled and gave her an Eskimo kiss rubbing the tip of her nose with his own.
"No, that's making up for that night you pleasured me during our trial," she began kissing his jaw.
"There you two are!" Kestra suddenly burst through the door. "I was wondering what you two were up to when I discovered that John wasn't in bed."
"Mother!" Catherine scrambled and grabbed a towel throwing it over John's lap. "Have you no respect for his privacy?"
"Oh, it's not like I've never seen a penis before, little one," the Betazoid woman laughed. "I brought John some comfortable clothes, although I regret that I will never get the opportunity to see that cute bottom of his peeking out of that hospital gown," she pouted and plopped a bag down beside the bathtub. "Little one, you clearly have your hands full with him at the moment, but if you need any help, I'll be right out there waiting," she winked and left.
"I'm so sorry, John. I'm so embarrassed," Catherine held a hand to her forehead.
"It's a good thing you got to me first, or I think she would be after me," John snickered. "I have to wonder if I had women pursuing me before this but never noticed. I was clearly oblivious to Carol Marcus' advances. Then again," he paused a moment thinking, "is your mother on the hunt?"
"No," she laughed, "she's always been like this. She's a Betazoid woman who really likes males of just about any species, and she is not afraid to verbalize appreciation of what she finds attractive. She considers you to be a fine specimen of a man, but you will always be like a son to her. That just means that her remarks will be even more embarrassing. Oh well, it's her way of showing her love, I guess. And yes, you probably did have legions of women throwing themselves at you, but you were just distracted with your duties as Khan."
"I thought your friend Marla was bad. She might be attracted to me, but that Orion woman Marta downright lusted after me," he shook his head. "Thank you for appreciating me as a whole and not just my body."
"Well, I don't know. You are quite sexy even when you're not trying."
"Oh, stop," he grinned.
"Come on," Catherine stood up and gathered a large towel in her hands, "let's get you out of that water before you get a chill."
As Catherine worked to dry off John's skin, he stopped her suddenly holding up his hand. "Did they touch you? Dr. Zineeri or the others, did they violate you?"
"He touched me sexually once and only once. Molested, yes, but penetrated, no," she replied looking down at the towel in her hands.
"What happened?"
"He didn't get any further. I spat in his face."
"Good girl," he beamed in pride as he tilted her chin so she would look him in the eye. "I find that oddly arousing," he laughed.
"And you always say I'm the insatiable one. Let's get you dressed before my mother barges in here again and finds us in an even more compromising situation," she suggested.
"Catherine, despite what Dr. Zineeri did to me, you do not need to be concerned about pushing any boundaries. I trust you completely, and I am eager to make love to you properly as soon as possible," he cupped her cheeks and kissed her lovingly.
"Oh, John," she blushed taking one of his hands and kissing it before she continued to dry his skin. "Do you forgive me? I upset you earlier feeding you breakfast like that in front of Dr. McCoy. I can let you feed yourself now."
"You're just doing what comes naturally to you, taking care of the sick and injured. I do not hold it against you. Are you okay?" he asked as she hissed and put a hand to her lower back briefly.
"My back has been killing me, and I'm so tired," she started to sniffle as she helped him to pull up the black, silk pajama pants Kestra had brought for him. "I have not been sleeping well."
"Nightmares?"
"Yes, besides my back almost constantly aching, I've been having nightmares pretty much on a nightly basis. There's always so much blood, John."
"Have you spoken with Dr. McCoy about this?" he shrugged on the matching pajama top and began buttoning it. "He can surely give you something to help ease your pain and to also help you sleep."
"I keep forgetting to ask him. I've been so worried about you," she wiped her tears off her cheeks.
"Imzadi, you must look after yourself as much as you do for me. You know that. Besides, I am no longer in danger and quite on the mend now. Perhaps, though, it is the unseen wounds which run deeper and are more difficult to heal," he pulled her into an embrace and gently rubbed her aching back. "I could not see at the time, but I'd imagine Marta's and Dr. Zineeri's deaths were quite gruesome. I'm sorry that I could not spare you from taking such actions as I am more accustomed to taking the lives of others in the heat of battle."
"I did what I had to do," Catherine rested her head on his chest whilst trying to be mindful of his wounds.
"And I owe you my very life for it. You saved all three of us."
"Hardly, it's my fault you were shot in the first place. You almost died because I lost my patience. I could have confronted him differently."
"Catherine, you know full well that I would rather have died than go back to that lab or have to see you get hurt further. Now, enough of this kind of thinking. Let's get Dr. McCoy to take a look at your back, okay?"
"Okay," she nodded and held onto his arm to help him exit the bathroom.
"Feeling better, little ones? Oh, here, let me help," Kestra smiled as she quickly came to Catherine and John's aid and helped him back onto his biobed. "How are your pajamas?"
"Very comfortable, thank you, mum," John nodded.
"I brought you both something to brighten the room and your spirits," Kestra went across the room and picked up a potted plant, brought it back to John's bedside, and handed it to him. "Once the official investigation was completed, Dylan and I were given permission to go to both of your quarters in London. I found this in John's flat."
"The flowers from Betazed. It was a gift from Catherine," John reminisced looking at her with tenderness in his voice.
"Although it is usually a rather hardy plant, it was just about dead when we found it, but look at it now! It is thriving," Kestra looked delighted.
"Perhaps it is symbolic?" Catherine thought aloud.
"There is always a chance, little one. Do not give up on hope just yet," Kestra kissed them each on the cheek. "Now, is there anything that I can do for either of you?"
"Could you find Dr. McCoy and ask him to come and see Catherine? Her back is causing her much pain. It is disrupting her sleep," John explained as he rubbed her lower back further.
"Oh, sweetheart, of course I can do that," Kestra left to find Dr. McCoy.
"You didn't mention the nightmares to her," Catherine worked on reattaching the monitors to his skin.
"No need to as I believe in her heart she already knows," John explained.
"Then I won't mention yours either unless you wish for it," she bargained with him. "Please, just do not hold in your feelings. You know it worries me when you do that, Imzadi."
"I'll do my best if it pleases you," he agreed.
A couple of days later, John's condition had so greatly improved much to everyone's, including his own, surprise that Dr. McCoy was comfortable with discharging him back to their room in the secure complex where they had been residing in San Francisco since their arrest and extradition from the Enterprise. Upon examining Catherine's back more carefully, Dr. McCoy discovered and treated an injured nerve that was ultimately responsible for her back spasms. In fear of overmedicating her, he was hesitant in giving her a sedative to help her to sleep much to John's frustration.
"Dr. McCoy, she is exhausted and her nerves are shot! She cannot keep up like this much longer. Please, can you not give her even a low dose just to give her one night's decent rest?" John protested in the hallway outside their room.
"No, I will not put her or the baby at risk. I want you to attempt conservative measures first. Your lives have been so disrupted that it is important to try to restore proper sleep hygiene. Try going to bed and arising at the same times every day. Help her to relax prior to bed. Avoid caffeinated beverages. Limit napping. Look, I know that it is difficult on you to watch, but eventually she will simply tire herself out," Dr. McCoy explained.
"When can we begin our counseling sessions? Physically she came out much better than I did, but psychologically, I feel that she took the brunt of it," John sighed.
"Within the next couple of days if you are both feeling up to it, you can start. I'll contact my colleague Dr. Helen Noel to see if she is available to begin sessions with you."
"But you're an accomplished practitioner in psychology, doctor. You will not be presiding over our psychological rehabilitation?" John asked somewhat disappointed. Although he would not readily admit it, John had taken some degree of comfort in Dr. McCoy's uninterrupted care and presence in their lives. Besides his Southern charm, Dr. McCoy also had gumption, a trait that John greatly admired.
"While I appreciate your confidence in my abilities, I honestly do not feel that I am the best to handle matters of the heart," Dr. McCoy frowned.
"Ah, you mentioned that you are divorced. It was not an amicable split?"
"No, not at all. My ex-wife took everything from me including my little girl Joanna. I'm a horrible father. I haven't even fought for the opportunity to see her. Maybe I should change that," he reasoned.
"We only live one life, Dr. McCoy, and our children are our legacy. You should try to see her before it's too late," John encouraged him.
"You're right. I think that I will do that once things are stable enough around here for me to pop over to Atlanta for a few days."
That evening, John insisted that Catherine be in bed early. Just as Dr. McCoy suggested, John set about doing everything he could think of in order to help her to relax, but ultimately, his actions only frustrated her to the point of tears. Completely exhausted and disheartened with her inability to sleep restfully, Catherine burst down and sobbed bitterly. Not knowing what to do, John sat beside her on the bed resting his back on the headboard and had her curl into a ball next to him so he could stroke her hair comfortingly. Her sobs gradually lessened to sniffles until she went completely quiet. "Imzadi?" John whispered only to be greeted by a snore. "Dr. McCoy was right. She's exhausted herself. I only hope that she can sleep peacefully through the night."
As it was still a bit too early even in his weakened state for him to go to sleep, John carefully scooted off the bed, changed into his pajama pants sans shirt, and settled down with a cup of Darjeeling and his PADD to read. Only an hour later, he heard Catherine whimpering in her sleep. Pausing a moment to see if she continued, John got up and sat beside her gently stroking her arm as she lay curled up with her back facing him as she continued to whimper and make pained facial expressions.
"It's alright, Imzadi," John quietly whispered to her hoping to provide her with consolation. "I'm here, and we're safe. Do not be afraid. I will protect you."
To his relief, her whimpers subsided and she continued breathing quietly with the occasional snore. Despite her now peaceful state, unable to contain himself any longer with everything that had recently happened to them, John began to weep with his head in his hands. Amidst his quiet sobs, he could not hear the quiet ringing of their door chime multiple times before the door finally opened.
Due to neither of them answering the door, Kestra had the guards open the door out of fear that something was wrong. Her heart sank seeing John weeping over Catherine's sleeping form. She quietly made her way to their side. "Little warrior, why are you weeping?" Kestra whispered as she rested a hand on John's bare shoulder.
"I weep for my Catherine, my beloved wife. I grieve for the loss of her innocence," John looked up at her with reddened eyes and tear-stained cheeks.
"Come with me," she motioned for John to join her at the table. "Why such sorrow, John?" she took his hands.
"Catherine, she's always been so beautiful, so gentle. She was so innocent when I met her, and now she is ruined because of me. Before me, she never would have harmed anyone, and now she has blood on her hands. She had to commit brutal murder for me. She would have been better off if she had left me when she had the chance or, better yet, never met me," he explained as he wiped the tears from his cheeks.
"My little one may have been innocent when she met you, John, but she was not ignorant. Despite what you think, she had already seen and experienced her share of horrors in her lifetime. Now that you know of the death of our family members on Sherman's Planet, it only makes sense for you to know that she insisted on helping with their autopsies," Kestra explained. "It deeply effected her for weeks, but she bounced back and carried on just fine."
"Do you think that she will be able to recover from this?"
"Yes, with time and your love and support, I think that she will be just fine."
"I wish none of this ever happened to her."
"John Noonien Singh Harrison, I will hear no more of this sulking!" Kestra quietly scolded him lest she wake her daughter. "Catherine chose you just as much as you chose her! When she became bound to you, when you became her Imzadi, she knew the risk that she was taking. Such a decision is not taken lightly by Betazoids. Oh yes, certainly at any point in all of this, she could have left you and avoided the terror she has lived through, but don't you get it? It would have been the death of her! You are a part of her heart now. In the end, little warrior, she chose this, chose you, knowing that anything could happen."
"No! No, she did not choose to be battered, molested, or tortured! She did not choose to have to take the lives of others lest she lose her own!"
"John, she chose you willingly, and thus, whether you like it or not, she chose all that comes with you, the good and the bad," Kestra shook her head. "If you are so upset at what has happened to her because of what you deem to be your fault, then do everything you can to not fail her."
"At this point, what can I possibly do? I have not felt so foolish and helpless since I was a child!" he admitted slamming a fist onto the table.
"Humble yourself if need be, but let her look after you hand and foot. She worries about you constantly. She carries the weight of her own guilt upon her shoulders for your near death."
"It's why she's been hovering at my side even more than usual," he noted.
"Knowing that you are well and recovering physically will help her recover psychologically. Be patient with her, and let her serve your every need if that is what it takes. Do you think you can do that?" Kestra smiled.
"Yes, I'd do anything for her."
"I knew that I could count on you. Now give me a hug," she stood up and opened her arms. Standing up, John obeyed and wrapped his arms around his mother-in-law. "I don't know what I would have done if I had lost either of you. I think that it would have broken my heart into a million pieces," she started to cry as John patted her back. "But I got both of you back, and now I have a granddaughter on the way as well. Hold on to hope, John, if not for yourself and Catherine, then at least do it for your daughter. Where there is life there is always hope. While I do not know the decision of the Federation Council in regards to your verdict, do know that I have sensed that recent events have deeply affected them."
"I am prepared to make whatever atonement they require of me, but I have always said that for Catherine's sake, I desire for them to show us mercy," he furrowed his brow.
"Do not give up just yet," Kestra gently stroked his cheek. "Well, it is getting late, and you need your rest. Goodnight, little warrior," she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek. "I will pray to the Four Deities that you both sleep well tonight. Try to think good thoughts so Catherine can sense them."
"Goodnight, mum," John also kissed her on the cheek before she let herself out.
Feeling fatigued from such a strong expression of emotion, John crawled into bed next to Catherine and carefully pulled up a blanket that was folded at the end of the bed over top of them both. Pressing a kiss to her forehead, he got comfortable and quickly fell asleep. Aside from the brief time that Catherine had whimpered in her sleep, for the first time since their rescue, John and Catherine slept soundly and neither was awakened by their nightmares.
At John's request, Dr. McCoy succeeded in contacting his colleague Dr. Helen Noel who subsequently initiated counseling sessions with the couple. Despite his readiness to attend said sessions, John did not have a lot to say much to Catherine's dismay.
"John, can Dr. Noel and I have a moment?" Catherine asked at the end of one of their sessions. "I have something that I'd like to discuss with her alone if you don't mind."
"Of course," John replied before exiting the office and waiting outside the door with their security escort.
"What would you like to talk about, Catherine?" Dr. Noel folded her hands on her desk.
"It's John," she sighed. "I can sense that he's holding back and not expressing his emotions. I hate it when he does this. He bottles it up inside of him, and we've discussed before the importance of not doing that. I believe that what we just went through, our captivity, was so much more pervasive than what we experienced under Admiral Marcus. John's even said that he's never felt so helpless, so emasculated in his entire life. I fear what may occur if he does not unload his feelings about what happened. Being an Augment, his feelings are much deeper and stronger than a normal human's. After all we've been through, I would not want to lose him to self-destruction."
"I certainly understand your concern especially if he's had a difficult time before in regards to expressing his negative emotions. It appears that his primary coping mechanism is withdrawing himself. I know that this is probably not what you want to hear, but I think we need to give him some time. I think that he'll open up when he's ready. Tell you what, we'll work during our sessions using a different method which I think will help gently coax him into opening up and talking about his feelings," Dr. Noel suggested.
"It's worth a try. I know him, though, and I may end up having to take some drastic measures to prod him along. Well, see you at our next session," Catherine took her leave.
With slight unspoken tension between them, Catherine and John walked quietly back to their quarters with their security entourage. Although curious to know what Catherine had discussed with Dr. Noel, John refrained from asking and occasionally stole a glimpse at her out of the corner of his eye. Upon entering their quarters, they were greeted by Kestra who asked anxiously, "Did you hear the news?"
"What news?" Catherine asked in return.
"The preliminary investigation into your kidnapping and captivity was completed and the findings presented to the Federation Council. They were already deliberating your case since your disappearance, and the information they just received in regards to your kidnapping seemed to help them to quickly come to a decision," she stopped and hesitated for a moment. "They have reached a verdict for both of you. They are going to report their verdicts and hand down your sentences tomorrow." Catherine blanched prompting John to wrap his arms around her, and Kestra joined the couple showering them with kisses and hugs to try to give them comfort and reassurance.
The day when the Harrisons were to learn their fate finally arrived. Kestra once again provided the couple with clothing so that they could look presentable and professional when appearing before the Federation Council. While they awaited their summons in the holding area, Catherine straightened the collar of John's new sherwani, his prior one having been lost during their captivity.
"Are you alright?" John asked reaching up and taking hold of her hands. "You're trembling," he frowned noticing her hands shaking.
"I'm understandably nervous, but I know that I can face this with you by my side."
"As can I," he nodded. "Just remember, I am not immortal and might not always be with you. You no doubt learned recently that I am not indestructible. I would never within my right mind leave you again willingly, but there may come a day when I do not have that choice."
"I understand. I would rather not think about it, but I know that you can die. After all, you almost died right underneath my hands. Your lips were so blue, and your skin was so ashen gray. I really did almost lose you."
"I'm sorry if it appears that I gave up fighting to live."
"You were so ill and then with all the blood that you lost, how could I have expected you to stay conscious? You didn't give up, but I was and am still a little concerned that you seem to have no hope left within your heart for yourself. Lately, your eyes are full of sadness just as they were when we first met. John, my darling," she cupped his cheek stroking it with the pad of her thumb, "whatever our destiny, always remember that I love you and that I am proud of you. In spite of all the horrible things that have happened to us, you are still the best thing to happen to me. There was a time when I struggled with confidence in myself. Now it is my turn to believe in you."
"Imzadi," he leaned into her touch closing his eyes trying to prevent himself from breaking down into tears.
"I'm ready," she pecked him on the lips and wrapped her arms around him pulling him into an embrace. "I just hope that they come and fetch us before I lose my nerve," she managed to giggle at herself causing John to relax slightly much to her relief.
As Catherine had hoped, they were summoned soon afterwards to the council chamber. Walking hand-in-hand, Catherine and John made their way inside and stood in the middle of the room to face the podium.
After calling the session into order and providing opening remarks, President Mintaine began: "As noted in prior proceedings, Lieutenant Catherine Harrison, for you the charges and specifications are conspiracy, espionage, insubordination, murder of a Starfleet officer, firing upon Starfleet officers, sabotage, falsifying records, smuggling, treason, trespassing, and theft. And you plead?"
"Not guilty, sir," Catherine replied quietly.
"So entered. Due to past and recent mitigating circumstances, all charges but one, murder of a Starfleet officer, are summarily dismissed. Of that charge, lieutenant, we find you guilty."
Noting the blood draining from Catherine's face, feeling her grip on his hand weaken, and feeling her skin became cool and clammy, John quickly wrapped his arm around her to provide her support in the event that she were to faint.
"Commander John Harrison, also known by the alias of Khan Noonien Singh," President Mintaine continued, "the charges and specifications for you are acts of terrorism against Starfleet resulting in the deaths of numerous Federation citizens and Starfleet personnel and the murder of Admiral Alexander Marcus. And you plead?"
"Not guilty," John replied.
"So entered. Of these charges, we find you guilty."
"No," Catherine gasped quietly to herself struggling to hold back tears.
John remained stoic as he held her tighter. "How do you intend to punish us?" he asked calmly.
"In due time, commander. We want you to understand why we have given you both a guilty verdict. While we understand that given your situation you felt that you needed to take the lives of those you did, and some of them no doubt did deserve to be punished for their crimes against you and humanity, we the Federation Council believe that life is precious. Murder is morally wrong, and in this situation, the end did not justify the means. We believe that there were other actions that could have been taken to expose the crimes being committed against you both and the Augments being held hostage unawares while in cryostasis. Lieutenant Harrison, you willingly surrendered yourself and cooperated with us fully under the condition that we would incarcerate, try, and punish you equally. We are going to uphold your request in regards to your sentencing. Councilor T'Lar, do you have the council's decision?" the president asked a Vulcan woman seated nearby.
"Yes, President Mintaine," she replied as she stood up and handed him the PADD she was holding.
He began to read: "It is hereby deemed by the Council of the United Federation of Planets that Lieutenant Catherine Harrison and Commander John Harrison are sentenced to be incarcerated together in the Federation penal colony on Tantalus V for rehabilitation for no less than ten years."
"I object!" Captain Kirk who had been permitted to attend the final proceedings shouted from the stands as Catherine began to sob with her hands covering her face knowing that Tantalus V was used for the most criminally insane offenders and that they would surely be in danger while there. John felt as if he were frozen in place and emotionally numb.
"Order!" President Mintaine shouted. "Another outburst like that, Captain Kirk, and I will have you ejected!"
"Sir, please!" the young captain pleaded as Spock's father Ambassador Sarek tried to make him sit down.
"You need to let me finish! Commander Harrison, we are actually prepared to offer you alternative punitive action if you wish to hear the terms."
"I will hear them," John managed to speak.
"We believe that you both show great promise. You are both intelligent, resilient beyond what the average person could ever withstand both physically and mentally, and despite your guilt in the taking of the lives of others, you do hold high moral standards and seem to believe in the very foundations on which the United Federation of Planets was built. We feel that it would be a waste of talent to lock away two highly qualified Starfleet officer candidates. We are willing to wave your incarceration on several conditions."
"And they are?"
"First, your wife will be demoted to lieutenant junior grade and yourself to lieutenant commander. Second, you will receive an adequate, proper education at Starfleet Academy. I have no doubt you will do well and quickly succeed in graduating given how quickly you adapted to our time and technology. You may even have something to teach our professors while there. Third, you will both continue to undergo rehabilitation for the traumas you have experienced at the hands of Admiral Marcus, Section 31, and Dr. Zineeri. Upon successful completion of these tasks, you will both be assigned to serve a five-year mission aboard the flagship of the fleet…"
"Wait a minute!" Captain Kirk thought to himself with slight panic.
"… the USS Enterprise…"
"Shit!" Kirk put a hand to his head.
"… under the command of Captain James T. Kirk," the president finally finished.
"Fuck!" John thought to himself equally as disgusted as Kirk. Calming and clearing his thoughts, he began to ask, "What of our family, my people? Are they to be imprisoned in cryostasis forever? Will my decision determine what happens to them as well?"
"We believe that the time for prejudice shown against human Augments should come to an end. Genetic engineering will remain banned, but those born of past projects should not be treated as criminals for something they had no ability to control, their very genetic structure. Augments should have the same freedom to pursue self-determination and have protected rights as all other members of the Federation. We will, however, proceed with caution given the overly ambitious actions of your people in Earth's past. With this in mind, at a pre-determined time depending upon which punishment you select, we will allow you to awaken your sister, your nephew, and up to four other companions. If they successfully adapt to life in our century, we will allow you to gradually continue awakening your people in successive phases until they are all released from cryostasis. It is our hope that during the Enterprise's mission an uninhabited planet suitable for human life will be found for you and your people to call your own, a chance for a new start."
"Will my daughter receive the same political immunity? You will not keep her as some sort of new scientific curiosity given her mixed Augment-Betazoid heritage?" John gently placed his hand on Catherine's belly. Catherine was still sobbing being so utterly distraught after hearing of their impending imprisonment that she had yet to hear or realize that they were being given another option.
"Your daughter will come to no harm and will not be subjected to any studies without your knowledge or consent just as any other child who is a citizen of the United Federation of Planets. If you choose imprisonment, she will be removed upon birth and be placed in the custody of Dylan and Kestra Troi until your probation is granted. If you choose to serve, she will remain ever at your side and under your care as we are granting families permission to partake in the exploratory mission. Do you have any further questions?"
"No," John shook his head.
"Then what is your decision?"
"May I have a moment?"
"Yes, but we need your decision quickly, commander."
John put a hand over his eyes struggling to concentrate as his mind raced. "Either way I'll be enslaved, always enslaved, and never free. I will always be just a puppet to do humanity's bidding. Captain Kirk, that bastard, I'd rather be in prison than be subject to his command," he thought and felt nauseated. Being brought back to reality by suddenly feeling Catherine's body tremble and hearing her cries, John reached deep down within himself and made his decision. Putting his hand down from his face, standing up straight and proud, John spoke loudly and with resolve, "I will serve."
"Are you certain?"
"For the sake of those I hold most dear, yes, I will serve," John replied before kissing Catherine gently on the temple. "It's going to be alright, Imzadi," he whispered to her. "I'm going to take care of everything."
"Very well, then," President Mintaine smiled gently. "In conclusion, while words alone can never make up for what you experienced or heal your wounds and scars, we sincerely apologize for what you experienced at the hands of Admiral Marcus and especially Dr. Zineeri. We were deeply grieved upon learning what Dr. Zineeri had done to you and intended to do in the future. While we are giving you both a second chance, we hope that you can somehow find it within your hearts to forgive us and to give us a second chance as well. We have learned that evil still resides within our midst, and we need to remain vigilant lest it take hold and snuff out all in which we believe and seek to uphold. We will continue to investigate the crimes of Section 31, Admiral Marcus, and Dr. Zineeri and all those that carried out their orders, and we promise to provide you with any recompense that we deem to be appropriate. You have alerted us to our own short-sightedness, and for that we are forever in your debt." He then proceeded through the necessary formalities to officially hand down their sentencing and brought the trial to a close.
By this time, Catherine had stopped sobbing but was still so upset and had shut herself down almost to the point of catatonia that she had yet to realize that she and John were truly not going to Tantalus V. John stood in front of her and pried her hands off of her face finding her cheeks stained with mascara and tears and her eyes red and swollen from crying. Using his thumbs to gently wipe off her cheeks, John leaned low enough so that he was eye-level with her.
"Imzadi," John spoke quietly trying to pull her back to him and reality. "We're not going to Tantalus V. Didn't you hear? They gave me a choice. They showed us mercy. Surely if it weren't for your faithfulness to me, they would not have done so otherwise. Darling, please snap out of it," he took her shoulders and shook her lightly.
"What happened?" Catherine furrowed her brow. "I didn't hear anything after I heard that we were going to the Tantalus penal colony." John briefly explained their alternate sentence, the sentence he had chosen for them. "John," she leapt and wrapped her arms around his neck squeezing him tightly forgetting about the fact that he was still a bit sore from his injuries. "Thank you," she whispered in his ear before kissing his neck.
"Catherine?" John groaned his chest in pain.
"Oh no! Sorry," she quickly let go of his neck. Reaching up, she gently massaged his neck in the spot used for plexing to help alleviate his discomfort. "Better?"
"Yes," he managed to crack a smile.
"Pardon me for interrupting," a Vulcan male suddenly approached them, "but I must speak with you both. I believe that you have met my son, Commander Spock. I am Ambassador Sarek."
"Your son has played an important role in securing our freedom," Catherine noted. "What do you wish to speak about?"
"My superior requests a meeting with both of you this evening," Sarek explained.
"Ambassador, my wife has had a difficult day, and we are both quite fatigued. Can it not wait until tomorrow?" John asked.
"I'm afraid that it cannot. It is urgent in that the ambassador must return to New Vulcan tomorrow."
"I'll be alright, John," she took his hand. "When and where are we to meet?"
"I will arrange for a Vulcan escort to meet you at your current quarters at 1900," Sarek replied.
The rest of the day was consumed with completing various formalities in regards to the end of their trial. By the time the Harrisons arrived at their quarters, they had only an hour remaining to eat and refresh themselves for their meeting with the Vulcan ambassador. At exactly 1900, the Vulcan escort was waiting at their door to transport them to the Vulcan embassy.
After being brought into an office and provided with refreshments, an elderly Vulcan dressed in a long, hooded cloak entered and sat at the desk across from Catherine and John. He briefly steepled his hands under his chin deep in thought before finally speaking.
"I am such an old, foolish Vulcan," the cloaked ambassador scolded himself as a tear rolled down his cheek. "Is it possible that I have grown so old and so inflexible that I have outlived my usefulness?" he seemed to ask himself.
"Sir?" Catherine arched her brow.
"Forgive me, Mrs. Harrison. I should introduce myself," he pulled down his hood. "My name is Spock."
"Surely not?" John nearly choked.
"Surely yes," Spock nodded calmly. "And you are Khan Noonien Singh, the most dangerous adversary the Enterprise ever faced. You are brilliant, ruthless, and you will not hesitate to kill every one who stands in your way. And I was never so wrong. I should never have let my past cloud my judgment."
"We've encountered each other before?"
"In the original version of our timeline, I was part of the crew of the Enterprise that discovered you and your people adrift on the Botany Bay. Things turned out very differently, then again, you were a different man," Spock looked briefly at Catherine who was gazing lovingly at John. "Would you permit me to perform a mind meld on you? I have always wanted to better understand the man I have known previously only as a worthy adversary."
"Having experienced a mind meld before with the current version of yourself, I consent. I've been through much worse recently anyway," John frowned slightly.
"Please, come and have a seat over here," Spock got up and motioned for John to join him on a small couch. "Mrs. Harrison, please join us as you will be able to determine if the meld should be broken if either of us are no longer able to tolerate the bond."
John and Catherine complied with Spock's directions and took their indicated places. Despite brushing off the impending mind meld as nothing to be concerned about, Catherine sensed John's anxiety and took his hand giving it a soft squeeze. "Are you both ready?" she asked John and Spock.
"Yes," John nodded before clenching his jaw ever so slightly.
Spock placed his fingertips on John's face then recited, "My mind to your mind. My thoughts to your thoughts."
The melded pair spoke quietly back and forth with one another before relying solely on their mental link to communicate. Spock learned from John about his past life and of the events that occurred to him since Admiral Marcus and his men, not the crew of the Enterprise, had discovered him and his people on the Botany Bay. Not feeling there was a great risk in disrupting the timeline any further, Spock relayed to John in detail what his life as Khan would have been like if Spock had not traveled to the past thus allowing Nero to change the course of history. Catherine could sense that both John and Spock were soon reaching their breaking points when Spock suddenly broke the meld. John cried out and shuddered before holding a hand over his mouth working to catch his breath.
"Forgive me. Emotional transference is an effect of the mind meld," the elder Spock explained as tears streamed down his cheeks.
"So you do feel?" John lowly grumbled looking up at him with fear and confusion written on his face.
"Yes," Spock nodded.
"Going back in time, you changed all our lives," John noted.
"It is a burden I will have to carry with me for the rest of my days."
"I'm not sure how I feel about it. Ambassador, I've been through hell and back this time around, but," John paused taking hold of Catherine's hand and looking up at her briefly, "part of me is glad that you did it. Perhaps things will turn out for the better if I work hard to achieve it."
"I have no doubt that you are certainly capable of achieving anything you want. Just do not let your superior ambition destroy you from within," Spock imparted words of wisdom.
"Point taken," John nodded thinking about what he learned about his life during this Spock's timeline.
"Thank you for sharing your mind with me. I think that now I am able to put some old demons to rest. Now, if you'll excuse me, this old Vulcan needs some sleep, as I am to return to New Vulcan in the morning. John and Catherine, I truly hope that you both live long and prosper," Spock held up his hand displaying the traditional Vulcan salute with a peaceful smile on his face.
Catherine is relieved that they are going to be free, but John doesn't seem to look at it that way...