And We Did it When We Were Young

by Summer Rising

The Marauders: As four boys grow so does their friendship, and eventually, all their secrets will come out. Chapter 39: Remus has a tough decision to make, Peter has to face something terrifying, Sirius is determined to stand by his friend, Lily and Severus argue, and James makes progress in a rocky relationship.

37. A Fretful Theory

A/N: I'm sorry for the delay in posting this chapter - life has been busy! The good news is, this is a long chapter. I hope you all enjoy.

---

Sirius was watching every movement Remus made carefully. He was looking for anything – a limp, a hesitation, a struggle with his bag -anything that might indicate that his friend was in pain. Something odd went on at the Lupin household, and as Remus wasn't willing to talk about it, there was serious detective work to be done.

Remus had come to stay at the Potter home along with Sirius at the end of the holiday, but he came a week later than Sirius had, and he'd looked a bit pale when he first arrived. But Lyall Lupin, who Sirius had met at Remus' home, seemed a perfectly kind individual when he sat down and chatted with the boys about their summer, and Remus' mother had sent along some delicious Muggle sweets for the boys to enjoy together. They seemed like lovely people, exactly as Remus always described them.

So then what was wrong? If their son was sick like his mother, why wasn't he getting proper treatment? Were the Lupins just really good actors, unlike Sirius' own parents, who would never be mistaken for doting parents even if the public didn't know the extent of the matter? Sirius understood a desire for privacy, a desire to hide your own personal shame away from the world. But Remus, unlike himself, was so gentle in nature, so kind and patient with everyone around him. The idea that someone would neglect a boy like that made Sirius's blood boil. It filled him with a feral, animal-like rage. He desperately wanted to protect his friend, and he knew James felt the same.

But first they needed to know exactly what was going on.

That was what possessed him to do it, actually. James was in detention, and Peter was getting remedial Charms lessons from Flitwick, so Sirius and Remus were alone in the dorm.

So when Remus closed the curtains around his bed to change into his pajamas, Sirius seized his chance. Carefully, as to avoid notice, Sirius snuck up to the curtains and peered through the tiny crack.

It was everything he could do not to cry out when he saw what Remus had been hiding, and not just on his neck. All over that slight, little body were jagged scars – some thick and raised, others thin, little more than lines. They were all over the boy's back, twisted across his chest, down his arms and legs. They couldn't possibly all be from a childhood accident - some were obviously fresher than others.

Sirius had long ago noticed a small scar on Remus's neck, though he'd never thought much of it – he'd assumed it was just the product of roughhousing as a child. When he'd started wearing a hideous cravat, Sirius had of course known it was hiding something. Now there was a much thicker mark across his neck, almost as if it had been slashed, and it looked fresh. Seeing the marks all over, Sirius was kicking himself for never thinking to ask where the smaller one came from when he'd had the chance.

Sirius pulled back quickly and returned to his own bed. He buried his face in his pillow to muffle an angry growl. Who did this? What could possibly do that to a child? Was it some kind of spell? And then how could parents allow such wounds to go unhealed?!

"Sirius?" Remus was back out from the drapes and calling to him. "Everything okay? You're likely to suffocate yourself like that."

"I'm fine," Sirius said, a little too quickly for it to be entirely plausible. He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed to face his friend. "Remus," he said. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right?"

Remus feigned confusion, though Sirius was sure he knew there was something behind the question. "Of course," he responded. "What makes you say that?"

"It's just – if you ever needed to talk about anything, if you ever needed help with anything, like say, your visits to your mom, you could tell me. And James. You could tell us anything."

Remus was quiet a moment. "Ok…." He looked down at the floor then back up at Sirius. "You can talk to me too you know, Sirius. If you want to."

"I know. But if you need help Remus, with anything, anything at all, you can just ask."

At that moment the dormitory door opened and James walked in. "Slughorn let me out early!" He said gleefully. "McGonagall would have never done that."

"James!" Sirius said, his voice much higher than usual. "James I'm glad you're here. Remus and I were just talking about how friends can talk about anything, how help is always there to those who ask."

"Of course!" James said, totally not understanding. "Why? Do you need help in potions Remus? I know your understanding of the theory is spot on but you always seem to struggle so with the actual brewing."

''I am rather rubbish at potions," Remus said sadly. Sirius shook his head at James, irrationally annoyed that his friend hadn't read his mind and understood the gravity of the situation.

James seemed to sense his distress after a moment, even if he didn't know the cause. "Sirius, what –"

The door opened again and Peter entered. Sirius sighed deeply. There would be no chance to talk with Remus or James now.

"I'm going to fail out of Hogwarts," Peter said miserably. "You know it's bad when even Flitwick gets fed up with you."

"Aww Petey, stop fretting. Sirius will help you with Charms," James said.

"I will?" The last thing Sirius wanted to do at the moment was play tutor to his rather dim-witted friend.

"You were just talking about how friends help each other out, weren't you?" James observed.

"True," Sirius said resentfully. "Fine. I'll go over your notes with you tomorrow." He wasn't looking at Peter, but rather staring intently at Remus, who had rolled onto his stomach and was flipping through his Defense Against the Dark Arts textbook. Did the scars hurt him?

"Oh thank you!" Peter said emphatically. Sirius grunted. He knew he had to grab James alone later to discuss what he'd seen.

/

"Covered in scars?!" James howled indignantly. "You're entirely sure?"

Sirius nodded. "James, we have to figure out what's going on. This is much worse than I thought." His hands were balled into fists. "Someone hurts him, really horribly, and it's been going on for some time."

"It has to do with his disappearances," James said. "Let's tally what we know. He goes to see his mum around once a month."

"But he often looks sick before he leaves," Sirius said. "And he disappears at weird times – sometimes on a Friday, sometimes on a Tuesday. He misses class. Do we have dates on the disappearances? Maybe there's a pattern."

"We should mark all the days we can remember," James said. "And also of note – he often comes back with injuries."

"And he's covered in scars."

"Do we know what his mum's sick with?" James asked. "Did Peter ever find out?"

"I don't think he's ever said," Sirius said. "Is it possible his father makes his mother sick so that he can bring Remus home and beat him?" He said, struggling for an explanation.

"McGonagall knows he goes, remember she told us the first time he disappeared? " James remembered. "But if she knows she must realize he comes back with injuries. I can't believe she'd stand for such abuse. So even if she can't stop his parents from pulling him from school, why doesn't she take him to the hospital wing to get treated?" James closed his eyes and thought hard, but no explanation was coming to him.

"We're missing something," Sirius said, gnawing at his lips. "Mr. Lupin doesn't seem the type to beat his kid, anyway. And even if it is abuse, wouldn't it make sense to cover his tracks by healing the scars? Why would he leave evidence behind?"

"It doesn't make a lick of sense," James agreed. "But I'm not sure what other explanations are out there."

So the boys waited, and watched, which proved rather boring, as Remus spent a lot of time in the library. A lot of time. James couldn't believe how long Remus spent on homework and studying every day. The boy worked with freakish focus every day, from shortly after supper until just before curfew. Of course James knew that Remus spent a great deal of time at the library, but he'd always assumed his friend spent some fraction of that goofing off. Apparently this was not the case.

The two boys spent the next two weeks watching their friend, even making use of the invisibility cloak for close follows, but nothing seemed out of the ordinary until toward the end of October.

"He's disappeared again!" Sirius fumed. "Said he was going to the library and never came back. I shouldn't have fallen for it."

"It can't be helped," James said, though he was frustrated himself. He'd skived off from Remus tracking duties a few times for Quidditch practice early when Remus had packed up and headed to the library, so he couldn't be angry with Sirius for thinking it was safe to let the boy head off to his self-described happy place.

"I'd like to search for him, but we have practice right now, don't you?" Sirius asked.

"Yes," James said apologetically. He would do anything to help a friend, but it seemed silly to skip practice without any direction on where Remus might be.

The boys headed down to the pitch. It proved to be a rather eventful practice – while James made several spectacular goals, the team's new beater Justin Flanagan wasn't nearly as skilled, and somehow managed to mistake James' elbow for a Bludger. James could hardly understand how Flanagan had been picked when Sirius only made back-up.

"Is it broken?" Sirius asked anxiously as James landed rather hard on the ground. James nodded.

"I think so…" he said through gritted teeth.

Flavius McLaggen landed next to James and examined his arm. James tried not to flinch – though he was trying to put on a strong face, it was very painful.

"Let's take you to the hospital wing," McLaggen said. "That was a solid hit, but Pomfrey will fix you right up."

"I'll give him a solid hit," Sirius muttered darkly, glaring at Flanagan.

"Don't go cursing my teammates!" James hissed.

"Fine, fine, but if you have any trouble with that arm I can't promise anything."

McLaggen simply looked amused. "I'll deal with Flanagan, Black. It was an honest mistake. A goddamn stupid one, but still."

Sirius just made a non-committal noise.

The older boy left them in the capable hands of the matron, who clucked her tongue and began fussing over James, sticking him in a bed by the window.

"Honestly, being hit by a beater's bat – your own team's beater!" She said. "This sport will be the death of me." After a quick examination she raised her wand. "This will hurt, but I'll have you fixed up in just a minute. Are you ready?"

"I was born ready," James said, grinning at Sirius, who was wringing his hands and looking rather concerned.

The matron muttered a stream of incantations James couldn't follow and tapped his arm. He felt a sharp burst of pain and heard a snap, but after a moment it subsided and he could tell he could move his arm again.

"Now, I want you to sit tight for a bit and drink this potion," she told him, handing him a vial. She turned to Sirius. "You may stay, provided you don't agitate my patients," she told him. "If you need me, I'll be in my office."

He nodded. "How's it feel?" He asked as she walked away.

"Fine, just a bit tingly," James told him, rather relieved. He got great joy out of playing Quidditch and would have been devastated if something stopped him when he'd hardly begun. He downed the potion she'd handed him. "Blech! Tastes awful."

Sirius was looking around. "Why d'you suppose she said patients? You're the only one in here as far as I can tell."

James looked around curiously. "I didn't catch the plural, to be honest with you. She was probably just speaking generally."

"I dunno…" Sirius said. "She changed into a fresh apron when we got here, did you notice? No reason to do that unless she was worried about contamination."

"She was probably just mixing potions or something," James said a bit irritably. His arm, though no longer particularly painful, was throbbing strangely and he wasn't in the mood for one of Sirius's crazy theories to take hold.

"What do you think is there?" Sirius asked, pointing to a wall that jutted out from the exterior of the castle into the room.

"Probably a storage cupboard."

"Then why is there no door?"

James opened his mouth, then paused. The space did look like it should be used for something, but Sirius was right - there was no door.

"Maybe it's just a quirk of castle construction?" James suggested.

But Sirius was impossible to stop when he was curious about something, and he walked over to the space and knocked on it. "Sounds hollow," he said. "There's some kind of space on the other side of this wall, I can tell."

James sighed, resigned to the fact that Sirius wouldn't rest until he figured out what was on the other side of the wall. "Maybe it's only accessible from the other side?"

"The other side is the outside of the castle."

"Maybe there are stairs coming from above or below?"

"Good idea!" Sirius said excitedly. "I'm going to go have a look – you'll be all right alone for a minute." He rushed off, the hospital wing doors swinging behind him.

James signed again and leaned back in the bed, flexing his fingers. His arm still felt a bit strange – he wasn't used to healing spells - he had the good luck to be well-coordinated and his athletic endeavors were generally successful and injury-free. But you couldn't account for someone else's lack of coordination sometimes. He thought back to the time in flying lessons where Peter narrowly avoided crashing into a tree, instead smashing into Sirius, who managed to recover himself enough to end up on his knees as they crashed to the crowd, shaken but unscathed. Peter, however, had snapped a wrist. James had howled with laughter over the whole thing, and even Remus admitted it had looked pretty funny once the flying instructor assured them that the matron would fix up Peter in a jiffy.

Thinking of Remus made him sad. Despite their efforts, they were no closer to discovering whatever plagued their friend.

Sirius came bounding back in. "Couldn't find anything obvious," he said. "But then I thought hey - maybe it's something like Diagon Alley."

"It's possible," James allowed, knowing the castle was full of all kinds of quirky secrets. "But don't let Pomfrey catch you doing anything crazy - she'll kick you out and I'll be bored out of my mind up here alone."

Sirius nodded. He pulled out his wand and headed to the wall, then began tapping each stone one by one, waiting for something to happen. It seemed like a waste of time to James, but he let his friend continue on all the same.

Surprisingly, after a few minutes, when Sirius tapped a stone in the center of the wall, it began to swell.

"No way!" James said as the stone grew in size and changed in color and texture into a heavy wooden door with a small window up top – the same sort that were sprinkled all around the classrooms in the castle.

"What's in there?" James asked eagerly, climbing out of bed and holding his healing arm with the good one. Sirius was peering in.

"It looks like a private room," Sirius told him. "There's someone in the bed, but I can't see their face."

"So it's a secret room?" James whispered, conscious of the fact that the matron might step out of her office at any minute. "Do you suppose it's for contagious cases?"

"Then why the secrecy?" Sirius wondered aloud. "Wouldn't a simple sign that says 'WARNING – SPATTERGROIT' be effective enough to keep people away?" He was on his tiptoes trying to get a better look at the person in the room. "It's a smaller kid – probably in first year or our own." Then he gasped.

"What? WHAT?" James ran over and tried to see what Sirius was seeing, but he was shorter and couldn't see anything but a slit.

"James – I think Remus is in there!"

"WHAT?!" James said again, this time a little too loudly. "Oh crap!" He whispered, mentally kicking himself. "Get away from the door, Sirius. Pomfrey'll ban us for life if she catches us snooping like this."

"But Remus – "

"We'll come back later with the invisibility cloak," James said. This plan would pacify Sirius. "Quick - tap the door with your wand again so it disappears."

Sirius scrambled to fix the door and James bolted back to the bed, trying to look innocent as the door to the matron's office opened.

"I told you no agitating the patient," the witch said, looking very much like Professor McGonagall with her stern stare at Sirius. "Judging from the volume of your voices, you didn't listen to that instruction."

"He's sorry, ma'am," James said quickly. "We were just discussing boggarts – you know we're supposed to tackle them in Defense Against the Dark Arts at the end of this year, and we're rather excited. But when he told me his worst fear was flobberworms I just couldn't believe it - I mean, who's afraid of a worm? They don't even have teeth!" Sirius glared at him.

"That was supposed to be just between us," he hissed convincingly. James was glad his friend knew how to keep up.

She looked at them for a moment then smiled and shook her head. "Let's have a look at that arm." She examined him swiftly and gently. "It looks in order – how's the tingling?"

"Better," James lied, eager to get out of there.

She pursed her lips as if she wasn't entirely convinced. James put on his most charming smile – the one he used on his mother when he'd asked for a new broomstick last summer for Quidditch tryouts. It worked.

"Fine," she said. "Take it easy on the arm. I put it back in one piece, but the bone will be weaker than normal for a bit." She gave him another stern look. "That means stay off the broom for a day or so- understood?"

"Of course!" Jame said, flashing her a toothy grin. "We'll just be going back to the common room to have a nice, relaxing evening. Right Sirius?"

The other boy nodded vigorously.

"Okay, run along then," she told them. They didn't need to be told twice.

"This means we were right about Remus being sick!" Sirius burst out once they were outside the wing.

"But what about the injuries?" James asked. "Is there an illness that does that?"

"My uncle once told me that some Muggles have a problem with low iron in their blood, which makes them bruise easily." How that topic could have possibly come up, James couldn't imagine, but it was a useful piece of information.

He tapped his chin with his good hand thoughtfully. "Do you suppose that because Remus' mum's a muggle, he suffers muggle ailments?"

"I suppose anyone can suffer any ailment, but it doesn't explain why someone hasn't just given him a potion to fix it," Sirius frowned. "He talks like his parents don't have a lot of money – do you think they were too poor to get him proper treatment?"

"That shouldn't matter now that we're here – Hogwarts provides medical care to all students free of charge." James was getting frustrated. Clearly they were still missing something. "Look, we should run up to the dormitory, grab the cloak, make some excuse to Peter so he doesn't think we've gone missing on him too, then get back the hospital wing. Good strategy? "

Sirius nodded. "Good plan. I don't think Petey is stealthy enough to bring along."

It took them nearly 40 minutes to accomplish all this, but they managed to loop back to the hospital wing just before dusk.

"What do you think Remus is sick with?" James asked, slipping out of the cloak to discuss.

"I don't know," Sirius was hopping back and forth on each foot, looking frustrated. "But we were right – Remus is sick, not just his mum."

"But why wouldn't he just tell us?" James said, standing on his tiptoes and trying to peer through the skinny window slit in the door. He couldn't quite get a clear look. "Does he think we won't stand by him because he's ill?"

"I think he might," Sirius said fretfully. "Have you heard the way he talks sometimes? Like he never had friends before us. What if he never had friends because no one wanted to put up with his illness?"

"That's a wretched reason to abandon someone," James grumbled, still trying to peek through the window. "Surely he's realized by now we're not like that."

"I hope so," Sirius said doubtfully. "I mean, my family is pretty wretched. Maybe he thinks I'm like them at the core."

"You're not," James said, dismissing that idea outright. "You're nothing like those people. Remus must know that. Besides, he hasn't told any of us – not just you."

"What kind of illness makes you sick once a month?" Sirius asked. "I mean, Cissy and Dromeda have mentioned their 'time of the month' once or twice, but I thought that only happened to girls. Maybe we should ask Marlene about it…"

"Shit!" James yelped as he spotted the top of the matron's head coming for the door. "Quick, the cloak!"

Sirius whipped it out and managed to toss it over both of them just as the door cracked open.

"Come along dear," Madam Pomfrey said. James looked around and noticed a weird disturbance in the air and surmised that there was a child hidden by a disillusionment charm (James was aware of the charm only in the context of it not being as effective as his father's cloak) on her heels. "Watch the door."

"Thank you," a quiet voice said. James realized with a start that it was Remus at the same moment Sirius elbowed him to point that out. What in the world was going on? Why was the matron smuggling Remus out of the hospital wing?

The matron began walking down the corridor, and the boys followed swiftly behind.

The matron and her invisible charge walked through the castle, out to the main doors. James and Sirius hurried to slip out behind them.

It was just the very beginning of dusk, and there was a slight chill in the air that made everything about the situation seem rather foreboding.

Madam Pomfrey hiked across the castle grounds right up to the Whomping Willow. James tensed and Sirius forgot himself for a moment, muttering curses under his breath. The tree had sent at least four students to the hospital wing last year, despite Dumbledore's warnings not to get too near it. What in the world was Pomfrey doing, taking their ill little friend toward that ferocious tree?

But just as James was about to reveal himself and scold the witch, Pomfrey pulled out her wand The tree, whose branches had been swaying ominously despite the lack of breeze that night, suddenly froze. She knew the secret to the tree! Then, so quickly James almost missed it, the matron and her charge disappeared down a hole.

"What the bloody hell is going on?" Sirius exploded once the witch was out of sight.

James racked his brain desperately, trying to make sense of what he just saw. He was flummoxed. Where could they possibly be going?

"We need to get through that hole and see where it leads," Sirius decided, striding forward and dragging James along with him since they were both still under the cloak. But as they got close the Whomping Willow began to tremble.

"Sirius wait," James grabbed the other boy's arm and pulled back urgently. "Remember the tree has a spot–"

"Our friend is in trouble!" Sirius said. "Some bundle of sticks isn't going to stop me from getting to the bottom of-oooofff."

Sirius was unable to finish his sentence, for he was slammed in the stomach by a willow branch at that moment. He doubled over in pain, and James had to jump on top of him, forcing him completely to the ground to avoid being whipped by another branch. His healing arm twinged in protest.

"We need to get away from this thing!" James cried, his voice higher than usual. He wasn't afraid to take a calculated risk, but this was too dangerous. That tree might take a head off if it wasn't properly frozen.

Sirius grunted in agreement and the two of them crawled forward, dragging themselves along with their elbows, as the branches swung menacingly above.

"Sod it, that smarts," Sirius said, rubbing his stomach once they were safely far enough away to sit up. "Hey, the cloak didn't get ripped did it?"

"It looks okay," James said, examining the gift from his father carefully. Despite the chaos that had just occurred, the cloak was remarkably undamaged. His arm, however, may need a few days to recover.

"We need to figure out where they –"

James shoved a hand over his friend's mouth and threw the cloak back over both of them. The hole by the tree was reappearing, and after a moment a hand armed with a wand popped out. With a quick swish the tree froze again, and Madam Pomfrey climbed out. But there was no disturbance in the air behind her this time. The matron dusted herself off and walked back toward the direction of the castle.

"She left him somewhere," Sirius said. "And here I thought she thinking she was a nice lady after she gave me that balm for the burns I got trying to make those fireworks. But she just left him!"

James closed his eyes again and tried to think. Every month, Remus starts to look ill. He goes to the hospital wing, where the matron is expecting him. She hides him away in a secret room. Then, when dusk hits, she smuggles him away through a secret passage that no one else can find because it's guarded by a homicidal tree. He comes back a day or two later, still looking sickly and sometimes with injuries. He's been lying to his friends about where he's going, and he's covered with scars….

"Sirius!" James exclaimed suddenly, grabbing the other boy's arm roughly and digging his nails in as he tried to process. "Look up!"

Sirius looked at the sky. The bright full moon – a Hunter's moon, as they'd been learning in Astronomy, was starting to peek through the clouds.

"Remus disappears every month," Sirius breathed, speaking James's thoughts out loud. "And he lies about where he goes."

"And he always looks sick," James said mournfully.

"And he's covered in scars," Sirius moaned. He turned to look at James, and the moonlight illuminated the dismay on his face. "And he's never had many friends."

"We need to go the library," James said, words he never thought he'd utter with such urgency. "Right now. Come on!"

The two jumped up and ran, all thoughts of stealth and secrecy forgotten as the cloak billowed out around their feet. They reached the heavy castle doors and slammed them open. James thought he must be running faster than he'd ever moved in his life as he took the stairs three at a time in his rush.

Finally they skirted to a halt outside the library doors, both boys panting. It wouldn't do to burst into the library – Madam Pince would chuck them out and they'd lose the opportunity they needed to see if their theory was correct.

Collecting himself, James stood up and shook out his hair, sweeping the cloak off them and shoving it into his pocket. His arm gave another unpleasant twinge, but he ignored it. He looked at Sirius and they both nodded to each other. James took a deep breath, then grabbed the heavy library doors with both hands and opened them. The boys had a theory, but it was important – quite possibly the most important thing James had ever been involved in – to get it right.

/

James Potter and Sirius Black were in the library without Remus Lupin.

This in itself was suspicious to Lily, but what was even odder was that the boys had their heads buried in books.

"What do you suppose that pair is up to?" She asked Eliza, nodding her head in the boys' direction.

"If I had to guess, I'd say they were researching a new prank," Eliza said. "That or something to do with Quidditch."

It was a logical answer, but something about the boys' demeanor that seemed off. Whatever Black was reading appeared to distress him, and he kept tugging at Potter's robes to show him something in the book.

"I don't think I've ever seen the two of them so serious," Lily commented, still watching the boys instead of working on her essay. James had leaned over to read whatever Sirius had pointed out, and now both boys were whispering and shaking their heads as if debating something.

Eliza looked up from her parchment and frowned. "What about the time Remus passed out on the stairs? They were quite serious then."

"Well yes, that situation called for it," Lily agreed. "Those two are quite protective of Remus, aren't they?"

Eliza nodded, a little smile forming on her face. It was no secret between the girls that Eliza rather fancied Remus, which was one of the many reasons Lily had been trying to win over the boy as a friend. "I don't think Remus really needs it though. Have you seen his work in Defense Against the Dark Arts? Quickest wand work of anyone!"

"You would notice that," Lily said slyly. The other girl blushed as red as Lily's hair.

"Lily!"

Eliza's gasp was loud enough to grab the attention of Potter, who looked up from the book and acknowledged the girls with a quick nod before returning to his reading.

"I'm surprised he isn't coming over here," Eliza commented as she waved back.

"Me too…" Lily agreed. Usually Potter went out of his way to come pester her. Whatever he was working on must really be gripping his attention.

Lily found it impossible to focus while the boys worked, and didn't get very far on her Transfiguration work. Finally, the boys packed up, returned the books to the shelves, and left.

She knew it was a rude thing to snoop, but Lily was so very curious she couldn't help but wander over to the section they were in to see what kinds of books they were reading.

"Magical creatures and beasts…" she murmured to herself. She tried to identify the gold and maroon book that had distressed Black so, but she quickly ran into a roadblock when she realized there was a whole collection of volumes in that color. There were any number of books he could have been reading, and with Care of Magical Creatures being a subject for the older students, many of the books had been recently used so it was impossible to tell from a dust pattern which was most recently disturbed. Sighing in defeat, she returned to Eliza.

"Well, that was curious," she said. "They were in the magical creatures section."

The other girl shrugged. "Give it a day or two - I reckon we'll know what they were reading about when they set one loose in the Great Hall or something."

"I certainly hope not!" Lily said with a little chuckle. "Although knowing those two they'll have somehow managed to wrangle some centaurs from the Forbidden Forest or something."

Eliza also laughed. "We'll just have to wait and see I suppose."

She laughed it off, but in truth, the question of what the boys could have been researching nagged at her. There was something about the expressions on their faces that didn't give off the normal, mischievous energy.

Lily wasn't sure why she cared, but she did, and the mystery would drive her mad. She decided to ask Remus the next time she saw him.

/

Remus shivered in the cool October night. The shack Dumbledore set up for him in anticipation for his arrival to Hogwarts last year had basic comforts – furniture, a bed with thick warm blankets – but Remus could not light himself a fire and on a chilly autumn night the boy found himself cold as he stripped out of his clothing and stood naked in the air. There was no point in wearing his clothing – soon the transformation would come over him and the wolf lacked any interest in modesty. Besides, robes would just be torn and stained as the beast struggled throughout the night.

The boy sighed. He was in a poor mood, and not just because he was about to undergo his painful transformation. James and Sirius had been acting strange as of late, and constantly asking after his mother's health. They'd been asking for specifics, and every time the topic came up Remus was forced to come up with a new excuse, extending his falsified storyline and lying to the two best friends he'd ever had – indeed some of the only friends he'd ever had. He feared that one day soon they would work out the details, and then he would lose those relationships he valued so highly. Not that he could blame them. Who would want to associate with a monster?

He felt the blood pounding in his ears, and he knew the moon must be rising. He was ripped out of his human train of thought as the pain erupted in his limbs and started spreading until his entire body was in agony. As the transformation came over him, the lonely wolf let out a mournful howl.

He came to later in a pool of his own blood, which was a normal state of things. He groaned as he tested each limb carefully, to see what damage had been done. First, he wiggled the toes on his right foot. Everything seemed to be in order. Then his left. Then he gingerly bent his right knee. Then the left. The lower extremities seemed to be in tact.

But Remus could tell even before he tested it that something was wrong with his right shoulder. He was able to wiggle his fingers, but the motion was strained, and when he tried to move the whole arm sharp pain shot up from his shoulder. Well, that wasn't good.

Knowing that Madam Pomfrey would arrive soon to take him back to the hospital wing and treat him, he tried not to let the pain alarm him too much. He'd suffered far worse. He tested the left arm and while there was a stinging sensation from a large gash running the length of it, it moved as normal and the bleeding seemed not to be terribly dramatic.

But then he felt it – a soreness on his face from his eyebrow to his jaw. It wasn't nearly as painful as the other injuries, but it terrified him for its highly visible placement. Madam Pomfrey was an excellent healer, but Remus' bruises were curiously hard to heal. The matron supposed it had something to do with being bruised in wolf form and then transforming back into a human form. She'd tried a few more expensive bruise balms, which Remus was grateful for – knowing the witch generally figured that students could weather bumps and bruises well enough as long as their vomiting and broken bones were healed. But even the balms had little effect on his injuries.

But how would he explain such a bruise to James and Sirius -and even Peter? As it was, he was still wearing the horrendously obvious cravat around his neck. He knew that his two friends were likely to fly into a rage on his behalf, assuming that some Slytherin had caused the injury, whether by spell or straight-up fist. Sirius had already gone after Severus Snape when the Slytherin boy bumped into Remus on the stairwell one afternoon and sent his stack of books flying, despite Remus assuring him it was simply an occupational hazard of wandering through crowded hallways during the class changeover rush. And Sirius had been positively murderous when Mulciber cornered Peter in the dungeons one evening. It would be easy to lie and say someone hit him, but Remus couldn't live with that on his conscience.

Remus could tell them he tripped and fell on the trick stair on the third-floor staircase, but he'd already used that excuse to explain away a bruise on his chin last year. He could try to convince them he walked into a door while reading – that might be believable, if he could carry out the lie without letting his nerves get the best of him. Then he remembered he'd used that excuse just before exams last term.

While he was considering another story he heard the tell-tale creak of the trapdoor. "Remus dear?" Madam Pomfrey called out.

"Here…" he managed to croak out. His throat was always raw after a transformation – he imagined the wolf must howl itself hoarse every full moon.

"There you are," she said, kneeling next to him and taking stock of his injuries with speedy, clinical efficiency. "It looks like you've dislocated your shoulder," she said. "And you've got a nasty gash on your arm, but I can fix that up. It should only leave a thin scar – it looks like you cut yourself on a shard of wood, not with your own teeth."

Remus grunted. Madam Pomfrey always talked about him and the wolf as though they were one and the same. She did it without a hint of revulsion, and indeed she spoke to him with great affection, but Remus still hated that she acted as though the wolf was a natural part of him, instead of an unwelcome invader each month.

She waved her wand, conjuring a stretcher that she levitated him on to effortlessly. With another swish and a tap on his head, she'd cast a disillusionment charm to ensure that no early-rising students spotted him returning from his hiding place.

An hour later Remus was in his little bed in the secret room of the hospital wing, greedily drinking water as though he'd been trapped in a desert in Egypt and not a simple shack in Scotland. The matron had healed his gash neatly and popped his shoulder back into place. It had been a painful endeavor, but the arm was now in a sling and Remus was feeling rather better than he normally did so soon after a transformation.

"Now dear, there are a few things I'd like to get done today. Are you feeling strong enough to be left alone for a bit?" She asked.

Remus nodded, still guzzling down water. He was groggy after a night without sleep and figured he'd nap the morning away and start working on his homework when Madam Pomfrey returned from her errands.

"Excellent," she said, taking the glass from him as he emptied it. She tapped it with her want. "Aguamenti." It refilled and she left it on the table next to him. "I shouldn't be gone for more than an hour or so," she told him. "Try to get some rest."

The boy nodded again, already feeling his eyelids drooping. He was asleep before she reached the door.

He slept fitfully, James, Sirius and Peter punctuating his dreams with suspicious questions about his disappearance and injuries. But when the matron returned she informed him that he was healing nicely and if he felt up to it he could return to class the following morning. This cheered him considerably - he hated missing any more class than he was forced to - but he had no idea how he would explain the sling to his classmates.

"I can take your arm out of the sling, dear, but you'll have to be very careful not to jostle it, especially running through those crowded halls."

"I'll be careful," he assured her. "I'll carry my bag on the other shoulder to be safe." It would be a relief to only have to explain away the bruise on his face, and not an injured arm as well.

Remus did his Transfiguration homework, which Professor McGonagall had thoughtfully dropped off to him around dinnertime. He awoke Tuesday morning eager to return to class and his friends - he was going to tell the others his face had been injured when a shield charm he'd been practicing at home backfired, and that he hadn't gone to the matron because he feared punishment for practicing magic outside of school. He hoped they'd believe it.

He arrived at History of Magic early and took his customary seat near the window. As other students trickled in he looked for his friends, and Peter was the first one there.

"Remus!" Peter said. "How's your mom? And oh my - what happened to your face?"

"Would you believe I screwed up a shield charm I was trying to master at home?" Remus said, trying to sound light-hearted and sheepish.

"No, actually, I wouldn't believe that." Sirius had come up from behind. Something in his tone of voice made Remus uneasy.

"I know, it was rather foolish," Remus said quickly. "I was afraid to go to the matron because…"

"But you're never foolish, are you Remus?" James had entered and cut him off.

"Er-"

"Yes, Remus is far too talented to screw up a shield charm," Sirius said solemnly. Remus felt his stomach sinking. Sirius and James didn't believe his excuse.

"Don't worry Remus - we all make mistakes now and again," Peter said brightly, either ignoring or oblivious to the mood of the others.

Sirius glared at Peter then dropped down into his chair, turning away from Remus. James also sat, pulling his chair close to Sirius and whispering something Remus could not hear.

"They must be scheming something new," Peter said to Remus. "Perhaps they'll let us tag along."

But Remus felt unsettled. There was something about the way the two boys were acting that seemed off - that seemed almost like they were intentionally giving him the cold shoulder.

The strange behavior continued in Defense Against the Dark Arts, but in Potions Remus became distracted by the fact that he was expected to lift his heavy cauldron with an arm he'd been instructed to go easy on. He tried to support the weight with one arm, but wound up dropping the pewter beast on his toe.

"Ssssss," he hissed in pain, hopping around on one foot while the Slytherin half of the class smirked and giggled at him. He was grateful when Sirius picked up the cauldron and deposited it at their work station. He became so focused on not screwing up the potion and embarrassing himself further that he didn't even realize that Sirius didn't speak a whole word all class.

Thoroughly exhausted by the end of lessons, Remus decided to skip supper and head up to Gryffindor Tower to lie down. He closed his eyes when he reached his bed and immediately fell asleep.

The sound of the door opening awoke him some time later. Remus snuggled back into his pillow – his friends wouldn't force him awake.

"I wonder what happened that Remus was tired enough to skip dinner," Peter whispered as the boys walked in.

"I have a theory," James said. Remus' ears perked up. What could this theory be?"

"What kind of theory?" Peter asked.

There was a pause, and though Remus couldn't see through his curtains, he could imagine James shooting Sirius a look - which meant whatever theory James had, he'd likely already discussed it with his best friend.

"I think we should wait and speak with Remus about it," James told Peter.

Peter made an exasperated sound. "Why am I always the odd one out?" Remus felt guilty for being the cause of Peter's exclusion, but he was also desperate for some hint of what James' theory might be. He needed to assess how close it was to the truth, and how much of a threat it was to his secret.

"Petey, you were the one saying Remus' problems were none of our business," Sirius said.

"And you convinced me that I was wrong," Peter grumbled. "I think you two just like to meddle."

"I do like to meddle," James said without missing a beat. "But this isn't that, Petey, honest."

"We should wake him up and talk to him," Sirius broke in.

"Black, how would you like it if we woke you up to question you on why you were so tired you skipped dinner?" James asked.

"Well, depends, in this scenario, did you bring me food?"

"I did bring Remus food!" Peter said. "He can have it when he wakes up."

Remus smiled. He wasn't feeling concerned about whatever James was cooking in his head - if he had truly discovered his secret, he wouldn't be speaking so casually about a werewolf in their midst. The three other boys switched topics and Remus let himself be lulled back to sleep by their voices. Right now, he felt safe.

/

James and Sirius were keeping something from him.

This was not an unusual state of things for Peter, but it was driving him crazy. For the last two days, there were whispered conversations that abruptly stopped when Peter approached. There were long disappearances that left Peter and Remus alone for hours despite a conspicuous lack of scheduled detentions. There was a parchment hastily shoved away when Peter walked through into the dormitory one afternoon.

Remus didn't seem bothered by any of it. "Those two live in a world where they are often each other's only focus," he told Peter. "You can't take it personally - it's just the way their friendship is."

But Peter wanted to be in on a friendship like that, and he resented that he was outside it. At the same time, he felt guilty knowing James and Sirius had developed some kind of theory about Remus that they obviously hadn't shared with the boy in question.

That was unless, of course, they had discussed it with Remus and all three of them were keeping secrets from him.

Most of the time, Peter felt that Remus treated him as a good friend should. But sometimes, like when he disappeared to see his sick mother, Peter felt left out, like there was something he didn't know or didn't understand about Remus.

Of course, Peter knew it was terrible and irrational to be jealous of a friend's handling of a sick parent. But it hurt that no matter how many times he asked, Remus wouldn't elaborate on his mother's illness or his family in general. He hid letters from view when he received them.

It rankled him further that he'd come no closer to uncovering the secret James and Sirius so coveted.

Frustrated as he was with the state of things with his closest friends, James and Sirius' apparent abandonment did have a positive result - he and Remus were making new friends in Mary MacDonald and Lily Evans.

Peter, like many 12-year-old boys, hadn't been sure he had any real interest in spending time with girls until he did it, and realized there were really fewer differences between the two genders than society liked to pretend, especially in the wizarding world. Peter had always imagined that girls would want to talk about something frivolous, like hair and makeup or clothes. Instead, the most common topic of conversation seemed to be schoolwork and Quidditch.

"Our team this year is a thousand times better than last year," Peter told Mary one afternoon as they were walking back to the Common Room from supper. "I think we have a real chance at the House Cup."

"What about the other Houses, though?" She asked. "I heard Hufflepuff is still a force to contend with."

Peter scoffed. "Ted Tonks was the real talent on that team. Their chasers are nothing special and their new beater is a third year who's never played a proper game!"

He was talking animatedly about the practices he'd observed, waving his hands around without paying attention to his surroundings. That was how he unintentionally wound up smacking Evan Rosier in the side of the head as they squeezed through the doorway from the Great Hall.

"Watch it, Pettigrew!" The Slytherin snapped.

"I'm sorry! It was an acc-"

Peter tried to apologize, but Rosier cut him off, an unpleasant smile on his face. "Where are Black and Potter at?" He asked, taking in the surroundings.

"Umm…" The corridor was full of students, but it was true that James and Sirius were again missing in action. Remus, who had been a few steps behind Peter and Mary, saw the trouble and made his way through the crowd to Peter's side.

"It was an accident, Evan," Remus said in a calm voice. "So why don't we all move along?"

But the other boy wasn't listening. "Stephen! Look what we have here. Pettigrew and Lupin all by their lonesome!" Evan reached for his wand pocket.

Peter felt his pulse quickening. They were about to be hexed, even in front of all those people.

"Expelliarmus," Remus said quickly, causing Rosier's wand to fly out of his hand. The pureblood boy glared.

"You're not supposed to use magic in the corridors," Lily said, approaching from behind. But then she stopped short. "Oh, you two again."

Peter was amused by the look on her face - it was clear Lily Evans disliked the Slytherins at least as much as he did, though maybe not as much as Sirius did.

"Ahh, the redhead again," Mulciber said as he turned to his friend. "I don't think we've had the pleasure of hexing you yet."

Peter swallowed and he felt Mary tense next to her. Instinctively he wanted to protect her, but he knew realistically he lacked the talent for that.

"I wouldn't try, if I were you," Remus said, his voice still even and calm.

"We could try that thing Severus taught us," Rosier was saying. "How hilarious would it be to use it on her?"

"Pretty hilarious," Mulciber said, twirling his wand in his hand.

Peter didn't want to be the subject of anything that came by way of Severus Snape.

"If Sev taught you, it's probably well beyond your masterly level," Lily said, putting a hand on her hip and tilting her head. "I wouldn't try it - you'll probably just hurt yourself."

The laugh escaped Peter's mouth before he even realized it was happening. He'd heard Lily's sharp tongue before, but usually it was directed at James. This was something new, and he liked it.

"Nobody is going to try anything," Remus said, now sounding exasperated.

"Now what makes you think that's how things are going to work out?" Mulciber said, the corners of his mouth curling up nastily.

"Because if you try anything I'll use a spell far more painful than expelliarmus to disarm you," Remus said, calm once again. "Can you imagine what spell I might choose?"

This time, it was Mulciber who looked unnerved. "You're bluffing, halfblood," he said.

"Perhaps I am, perhaps I'm not," Remus said with a gentle shrug. "Care to test it?"

Despite knowing Remus well, and knowing that the boy would never actually hurt someone unless absolutely necessary, Peter almost felt threatened. Remus was smart - anyone who'd taken a class with him would know that, and a smart boy with a wand could be dangerous. This was a side of his quiet friend Peter wasn't accustomed to, and he wasn't entirely sure what to make of it.

"You have no backup," Mulciber said, though it was clear at this point that he was weighing his options.

"He has me," Peter said softly, knowing that didn't amount to much.

"And me," Lily said. Her pronouncement was much louder, much braver, and much more unexpected. "Care to see what tricks Sev taught me?" She pulled out her wand.

Apparently the combination of Remus Lupin and Lily Evans was enough for the Slytherins to step down, because Mulciber sneered and snapped at Rosier to pick up his wand, then the two walked off without further comment.

"I can't believe they would threaten to use magic that publicly," Mary said, shaking her head. "There's such a crowd here!"

"The fact that there's a crowd means it would be harder to determine who started it," Remus said, returning his wand to its pocket. "Sorry you got pulled into our little scuffle. I'm afraid we're not popular with the Slytherins. Occupational hazard of spending time with Sirius, you see."

"I'm not their favorite either," Lily said, brushing her hair out of her face with one arm and pocketing her wand as well. "What spell were you planning to use, anyway?"

A tight little smile appeared on Remus' face, the kind of smile that made someone look nefarious. "I was bluffing," he said. Then he looked thoughtful. "Though I suppose I could have set his robe sleeve on fire."

Lily and Peter laughed, both fully aware that he wouldn't have actually gone through with it. "That's dark, Remus," Lily said.

"What were you planning to do?" He asked, turning the question around.

She shrugged. "I was also bluffing."

Remus chuckled as if he wasn't surprised, but Peter didn't try to hide his shock. "Really?" Peter said. "But you were so convincing!" The more he got to know Lily Evans, the more impressed he became, especially when she was on their side. She wasn't nearly as prissy as he'd thought when he first met her last year. In fact, the more time she spent with them, the more she seemed weirdly similar to James with her sense of justice and lack of fear.

Of course, Peter knew better than to say that to her. He didn't think she'd appreciate the comparison.

The girl just laughed. "I suppose I was - those boys certainly turned tail quickly enough. I can't wait to tell Sev about it."

That statement gave Peter pause. "Isn't Snape friends with those two?" He asked her.

She shook her head emphatically. "They're housemates, not friends," she told him. "They wouldn't spend time together if they weren't forced into the situation."

"Did Severus tell you that?" Remus asked her.

"Not in those words. But when you've been friends with someone for years, you can tell what's going on in their head.

Remus gave her an odd look. "I'll take your word on that, then," he said. "Shall we head back up to the Common Room?"

"Of course. I've been meaning to ask you - do you two have any idea why Potter and Black were in the library the other day?"

"James and Sirius, in the library without me?" Remus said, furrowing his brows. "Sounds unlikely, doesn't it Peter?"

"They were in the Magical Creatures and Beasts section," Lily told them. "I was wondering if perhaps they had a grand plan to set loose a niffler or something."

Remus immediately got tense, but Peter assumed it was because he was imaging the havoc a niffler could wreak in the castle. "They haven't said a thing to me about that," he said. "You know, I just remembered I have to talk to Professor McGonagall about something I missed in class. I'll see you lot back at the Common Room." He dashed off before anyone could respond.

The excuse seemed entirely plausible to Peter, but he thought his friend's demeanor was slightly off. He glanced at Lily, who also looked a bit confused. He shrugged and went back to his conversation about Quidditch with Mary until they parted ways to head to their respective dormitories.

Peter was so relieved to have avoided a real confrontation that he didn't even get upset when he ran up to the dormitory to drop his bag and found Sirius and James hastily hiding something away.

"Working on something top secret, then?" He asked cheerfully as he dropped his school things and kicked off his shoes. "Something to do with magical beasts, perhaps?"

"Where's Lupin?" Sirius asked, avoiding the question.

"He said something about chatting with McGonagall about homework he missed," Peter told them. "It must be difficult missing classes all the time. You'd think his mother would be able to wait until the weekends."

"You know what's weird?" Sirius said to James, ignoring Peter. "There are two Gryffindor first year boys' dorms."

"Well, there are eight of us," Peter said, now growing irritated at Sirius' treatment of him. "They couldn't fit eight beds."

"Yes, but how is it then that the four of us wound up together in this one?" Sirius went on to ask. "I mean, think about it, my name begins with a B. If they roomed us in alphabetical order, I'd have wound up with Henry Connors. And our birthdays aren't close together. We don't live in the same areas. How did they choose who would room with who?"

"Maybe they didn't," James said. "We kind of just came up the stairs and entered the first room labeled first years. I don't remember even being told there was a second."

"Why does it matter?" Peter asked.

Sirius sighed impatiently. "It matters because who you sleep next to matters. The kind of people you live with can define your entire Hogwarts career."

The boy had a point, but Peter had no idea where he was going with it.

"The fact that the four of us wound up together matters," Sirius said. Peter noted that his friend seemed rather upset as he said this, and for the first time he wondered if his recent retreat from everyone but James had a deeper cause than some kind of secret prank.

"Of course it matters," James said soothingly. "But I'm sure we would have become friends regardless."

"Would we?" Sirius snapped back. "Is our friendship really friendship, or merely situational? Don't lie - friends tell friends the truth - unless my theory is correct!"

Peter thought of what Lily Evans had said about Severus Snape and the other Slytherin first years.

"Calm down, Black," James said, pursing his lips in disapproval. "I, for one, firmly believe the four of us were meant to be friends. Right, Petey?"

Peter wasn't so sure. James and Sirius were certainly a pair that was meant to be - that much was obvious. But Peter was always so unsure of his place in the group.

"Petey doesn't even like me," Sirius moaned, now moving into a self-pitying mode. "He thinks I'm crass and mean."

"You are crass and mean sometimes," Peter said matter-of-factly. "But that doesn't mean I don't like you." Indeed, despite Sirius' flaws, he was a rather likeable boy, and his loyalty never faltered, unlike Peter's own. "Why are we talking about this?"

"Because, Petey, because I don't think Lupin considers us real friends!" When Sirius was deeply upset about something, he spoke in a hoarse voice that always ended in a howl. The pronouncement was not what Peter had expected, and, confused, he turned to James for an explanation, hoping he could translate Sirius' outburst.

James sighed. "We think we may have figured out what's going on with Lupin's, Petey. But we don't know how to talk to him about it, nor do we know why he won't talk to us about it. And before you get upset - I want to tell you but as you're always saying, we should respect his privacy, and if our theory is correct and we tell you without talking to Lupin first, we aren't respecting much of anything." James was gesturing dramatically with his hands as he spoke.

Petey wanted to argue, but the logic was sound, and Sirius looked so upset he was a little concerned the theory wasn't one he even wanted to hear.

"Is that why you two have been behaving so strangely?" He asked. "All the whispered conferences and all that?"

James nodded. "I wanted to tell you, but if it's true...I don't even know…" He let his sentence fade out and scratched his head in frustration. "I wish I could ask my mum what to do…" He admitted.

Seeing Sirius and James so tormented melted away most of Peter's resentment over being excluded. It was clear James was trying very hard to do the right thing, whatever that was, in whatever situation he and Sirius thought they were in. Whether or not the theory was accurate didn't matter in that moment, what mattered was that James was trying his best to be a good friend to everyone involved, no small feat for a 12-year-old boy.

"You don't have to tell me," Peter said, sitting down on his bed. "But for what it's worth, I do think Remus is our real friend. I don't think we're just friends because we're roommates. I mean, Mary and Lily live in the same dorm as the Frasers and the twins spend much more time with Henry than them."

"Petey!" The comment shook Sirius out of his stupor, for he grabbed the smaller boy by the shoulders and shook him excitedly. "You're right! Why didn't I think of that?!"

"Because you're melodramatic," James said. "Let Petey go before you give him whiplash."

"Right." Sirius released him and ruffled his hair. "You know Petey, you're a good listener. I feel better after talking to you."

Peter wasn't sure what he had done, given that he still wasn't sure exactly what they were talking out in the first place, but the praise made him feel good. "Perhaps the best way to address this is to talk to Remus about it?" He suggested. "When he comes up later, I can leave if you'd like."

James and Sirius glanced at each other. "We can't ask you to do that, Petey…" James said.

"I offered," Peter responded. "If you let me borrow the cloak, I'll take a trip down to the kitchens."

"Any excuse for a trip to the kitchens," James said with a little chuckle. "All right, Black, Petey is right. We stop tiptoeing around this and address it tonight. Let the chips fall where they may."

"Fall they may, Potter," Sirius said. "Fall they may.

Peter felt an odd sense of foreboding and anticipation, and he wasn't sure which of them was misplaced. Something was going to happen tonight, and it may bring the boys closer, or tear them apart.