Struggle

"Look what I got?" AJ smiled, dangling a set of keys in front of Dean's face as Dean looked over.

"Is that keys for your new place?" Dean smiled.

"Yeah." AJ nodded, "I'm so excited." She shook her head, "I never thought I'd be able to save."

"How did you do it so fast?" Dean chuckled.

"I just… didn't spend any money all month." She said, "I had a lot saved already anyway." She nodded, "So it wasn't actually a lot I had to save up to meet the rent." She nodded.

"Are you gonna be able to pay rent every month? Without having to substitute eating dinner? I don't want you doing any of that stuff. That's how you end up ill." Dean told her.

"No, I'll have it covered. Any if it's tight then I'll do a couple hours over time at the agency." She shrugged as Dean nodded.

"As long as you won't be struggling." Dean said as AJ shook her head.

"No, I'll be fine." AJ smiled, "How was my little baby? Where is she?" AJ asked.

"She's napping in her crib in my room." Dean said, "She was great, as usual. Slept right through. I actually gave her the medicine for her teeth before she went to sleep, even though she wasn't crying. That seemed to soothe her." He said as AJ nodded.

"You'd make quite the dad." AJ smiled. Dean was great with Alba and she loved to see him with her.

"That's what Phil was saying." Dean rolled his eyes as AJ looked over at him.

"Phil was here?" She questioned as Dean turned away from her and cringed.

"No." Dean scoffed.

"Dean." AJ folded her arms.

"Yes, he was here. He came over for dinner and… I forgot you had your weird rules about Alba not seeing him, which by the way, I think is pretty ridiculous." Dean said, "You know he wouldn't do anything to hurt her so why are you making it so hard for him?"

"She has nothing to do with him and neither do I. That's why. If he's in Alba's life then he's in mine and I-I can't… I don't want that-"

"Yeah you do." Dean said, "You still love him. He still loves you. You're both the most frustrating people in the world." He shook his head.

"Alba is my daughter. Any decisions I make regarding her, stay. I don't care what you think. This is how I feel. For once I'm putting my feelings first." She shook her head.

"I know you're upset. I know. I lived it with you. Don't you think I was mad when he left? I've known the guy since I was born. I grew up with him. But I forgave him, because it's what you do with the people you love-"

"I don't love him anymore. It's different with us. He was my boyfriend. He didn't give me any notice. He was telling me the night before how much he loved me, how excited he was for a future. That gave me false hope. That made him leaving even more painful because I felt used." She said, "I don't care how much he wants to apologise. Nothing is ever gonna change."

"I'm just sad that you're not being honest with yourself." Dean said, "I know you still love him. You're just trying not to let yourself down and give into him. You won't even hear him out-"

"I've heard him out twice and I still can't find it in me to forgive him. It's too much. I wanted to end my life and where was he? In an office with his feet up making thousands of dollars?" AJ questioned, "No. Don't make me feel bad about not forgiving him." She warned him.

"I'm not. I know you had it rough, but to give him some fairness, he didn't know about any of that. And I believe if someone told him what was going on, he would have been on a flight home to see you. I know my brother." He said.

"No he wouldn't have." AJ shook her head, "He didn't care. Just like he didn't care when he left. He's just like your dad-"

"You met my dad once, twice… you didn't know him." Dean said, "Phil is not like our father." He said.

"Don't fight with me on this." AJ sighed, "I fight enough with Kerry about it. I just want him to stay out of my life. I'm doing fine on my own-"

"No one is saying you aren't. But I know you April. And I know what you and Phil had was special. Do you not find it a little weird how in eight years neither of you have moved on? Neither of you have found someone else?" Dean asked, "Neither of you have even tried to date. Because you're still hung up on each other."

"I've seen other people." AJ shrugged, "And I'm sure he has too."

"I'm not meaning one-night-stands." Dean rolled his eyes, "You're just torturing yourself. You don't wanna wake up one day, in a few years, and wish you gave him a chance or at least… be civil with each other."

"I'm not gonna feel like that." AJ shrugged, "I'm trying to look forward with my life. Not back." She said as Dean nodded.

"I'm just trying to help you." Dean said.

"No, you're telling me how to feel." AJ said, "Let me feel how I wanna feel." She said, "Let me be mad at him. I'm allowed to." She said as Dean just nodded. Of course he was trying to preach for his brother's case but he knew what AJ had gone through was not easy at all.

"I know. You are." Dean agreed, "I just know how much you love him." He shrugged.

"Loved." AJ said, "I'm gonna go put Alba in her stroller." She said, beginning to walk away.

"He was good with her." Dean said, "She likes him." He nodded as AJ looked at him.

"She doesn't know him." AJ shook her head, walking away as Dean sighed.

A week later and AJ had moved into her new apartment in the city. She'd spent a crazy week decorating and moving things in with the help from Dean and Kerry of course.

Kerry found it hard having to say her goodbyes to Alba. Not that she wasn't going to see her again, but she knew she'd have to get used to her not being around as much, but she was very happy for AJ making a big step in her life. She agreed with AJ to keep the nursery in her house for times that Alba came to stay.

AJ was proud of her new apartment. It gave her a sense of accomplishment and she was glad she could now give her daughter more of a home. Over the course of the week she had been thinking about what Dean was saying to her. She knew he meant well but she felt like it would impossible for her to trust anyone let alone Punk again. She was scarred by how abrupt he left and what emotional turmoil happened after. She was scared to give into her emotions and decided to be strong instead. She knew that strength sometimes looked like stubbornness or harshness but she felt like she had a right to feel the way she did. She knew she had a right to feel the way she did.

"Look, mama brought all your giraffes here." AJ said, walking into the nursery in the new apartment, holding Alba who was ready for bed, "See them all, look." AJ pointed, showing Alba her giraffes lined up on the shelf as well as the window frame, "You have so many, baba." She said, patting her back softly as Alba tiredly looked around.

She walked over to the crib in the corner of the room and placed Alba down in it, placing the blanket over her, watching as she chewed on the ear of the giraffe which Punk had sent.

"Out of all the giraffes you have, that one is your favourite?" AJ raised a brow whilst Alba kicked her blanket around, "You don't really like him, do you?" AJ sighed, "If I hate him then you have to hate him." She said, leaning over the crib as Alba lay tiredly, "But I don't hate him, do I?" She sighed, stroking her cheek softly, "Close your eyes." She whispered softly.

She waited for Alba to fall asleep before tucking the blanket over her properly, sitting the giraffe beside her before leaving the room. It gave her a good feeling to take this big step, moving into a new place, taking full care of her daughter. It had been a long journey for her but she felt like she was on the right path.

She left Alba's room, turning the light off and closing the door over a little just as there was a knock at the door.

She walked over and opened up the door to a fairly large, tall man standing at the door, "Hi." AJ whispered softly.

"Hi." The man said loudly.

"Uh… what? What is it? Who are you?" AJ questioned.

"I'm your rent guy. Bill Stevenson. Everyone calls me Steves." He said loudly.

"Shh, I have a baby sleeping." AJ said to the extremely loud man.

"Rent is due at the end of each month." He said, not lowering his voice any, handing her over a piece of paper, "I gave a one day extension, if it's late by one day, you're out. And I mean it. I will toss every piece of furniture you have in there out the window." He said as AJ looked up at him and gulped.

"How much every month?" AJ questioned, looking at the piece of paper.

"Right there." Steves pointed on the paper as AJ looked at the money she didn't remember agreeing to.

"This wasn't the price I was told." AJ said, realising that it really would be a tight struggle to pay that every month.

"Well that's the rent. Every month. I might give you two days extension since you're pretty." He smiled as AJ looked up at the creepy man and shook her head, "After that, you're out on your ass. With your baby." He said, cold-heartedly as AJ just looked at the price, looking back at the scary, butch man and nodding.

"Right." AJ nodded.

"Have a nice night." He waved to her, walking away as AJ closed the door over, leaning against it and running her hand through her hair. She wouldn't deny she was a little worried.