Falling for Brady
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
AN: Enjoy!
Regret
Of all the people that I could have chosen, I chose Sasha Cane. I chose wrong. I have known from the moment that I walked out of Leslie's life that nothing would ever be the same... I have seen the shadow that she had become and yet, I couldn't seem to forget that she kissed another guy.
Why am I still with Sasha Cane? There are so many reasons. They are probably not important and I don't care about them. Sasha is familiar. She knows where I come from and she doesn't ask questions. She just gives her body for the pleasure. There is nothing emotional or spiritual connecting us. Is all about being with someone. It's nothing compared to the spiritual and joyous union, my body felt with Leslie. With Sasha it's only a way of escaping my loneliness and filling my manly ego.
I know the contours of Sasha's body, every curve and dent. Do I want them? No, but it's the only thing I know right now. I feel the pain, the hurt of finding out that Leslie kissed someone else. A person that wasn't me. I still feel the pain and the anger. I can't forgive her. I can't trust my heart to her. I want to; God knows that I want to ask her for forgiveness, because in the end, I hurt her more. I punished her far more severely than needed. Yes, call me melodramatic or a fool. But it hurts badly. I felt a sharp knife eviscerating my heart, my soul and my willpower. My angel, she destroyed me.
Why Sasha? Why her? I still don't know the answers to my own questions. I have asked myself those damn questions many times and yet, I cannot seem to come up with a perfect and logical reason, as to why I am with Sasha. I only have a well, filled with excuses, that is shortly running dry.
Sasha Cane, she is as empty as I am right now. It's all physical. I would never love her or feel anything remotely close to love. It's just that mundane desire to feel alive. To bed a warm body. It's a drug, that I certainly didn't need, but it partially erased my pain. But like a drug, it quickly fades away and then I want to be near Leslie. I want to run back to her and gravel and beg her on my knees to take me back and forgive me. But then I see Sasha and I remember why I am doing this. I do this to erase the times I said 'I love you' to Leslie. That all! It's an empty attempt to forget what cannot be forgotten.
I didn't know why I couldn't just forget that Leslie kissed someone else. Her lips were shared with another man. I wasn't her only one. I wanted to be her only one. Yes, I was her first kiss and I was her first in many aspects. But I wanted to be that, her first in everything. I wanted to be the only man in her life. But she kissed a man that she'd barely even met. She might as well have grabbed my heart with her bare soft and warm hand, and ripped it out of my ribcage. It would probably have hurt less.
I was in so much pain and having her in my arms not so long ago, breathing in her soft lilac and chamomile scent, made me realize what a fool I have been. I had touched her and these warm feeling of security washed over me. I missed her so much and I was an idiot for letting her go.
I should have forced her in the truck and taken her to the hospital. I should have not let her run away alone. What if she was badly injured after that fall that she took? It was pretty nasty and I knew that it was my fault. I was too busy playing fucking macho with Sasha, to care for her. I should have smelled her as she was approaching us. Damn it all! I should have spared her the pain. I was a fucking douche bag; a fucking idiot that rambled on about hurting, but I could see the pain, manifested in her eyes.
I can still hear her soft voice, reverberating in my head, like a condemning cry, punishing me. She was pained and I was the damn cause of everything. I could feel the burning touch she left when her hands were on my chest.
My mind wandered to earlier...
"You don't have to, bab-Brady." she said briefly, her head hung low. She was going to call me baby. I knew she loved me, but she was being strong. She lifted her hands and rested them on my chest and I felt her body shudder at my touch.
"I can't stop worrying." I told her, my arms voluntarily encircled her small waist. It was great to have her close to me. I felt alive and for the first time I heard my heart beating with joy. But the joy died swiftly, lasting only a fraction of a second. "You are still my imprint, Leslie."
Her name tasted like expensive wine on my lips. I loved her and there was no way that I could lie to myself and pretend that I didn't.
"I have to go." she said, her beautiful brown eyes moistened with unshed tears. "I gotta go. Have a great life with Sasha."
I didn't want Sasha Cane. I wanted her, but I was too fucking of a pussy to fight for her. I want you, Leslie! "Will you be alright?"
"Even if I wasn't, I have to at least try, right?" She said, offering me a weary smile.
"Leslie," I paused, bringing my face to hers. I wanted to feel how her lips tasted. "Leslie, I-" My lips brushed against hers, softly, but she veered her to the side, preventing my lips to touch hers. I wanted to kiss her. I needed to taste her; to explore every corner of her supple lips. I wanted to be reminded of how her tempting lips merged with mine, in a desire-filled kiss. I wanted to feel that intimate connection our hearts once had.
I wanted her and not in the physical and sexual way. I wanted her heart, her soul, her smile and all the things that made up this wonderful person. Leslie was great. She should've been mine. I shouldn't have been such a crazy, lunatic and demented idiot and hurt her so much.
"Don't worry Brady. I am stronger than what you think." she said, as she pulled away from me and walked down the sidewalk and crossed the street and stopped on the bus stop.
She didn't look back. She was saying goodbye and I couldn't take it anymore... She was letting me go, but I didn't want that. I didn't want her out of my life. I was tired of acting like a fucking moron. I needed to act more mature. I didn't know how, but I was gonna get her back! Leslie was going to be mine, again.
I couldn't get her pained expression out of my damn mind. I wasn't happy and she definitely wasn't happy, either. I hated myself and I hated what I had become without her. I was so broken and she was the glue that could hold me back; if only that was possible.
"Aren't you listening?" Sasha said, as she smacked my forearm to get my attention. "Seriously, Brady, if you are gonna be like a damn zombie, I rather not go to the party with you."
I gave her a sideways glance and sighed. Whatever happened to the good times I shared with Leslie? She was always smiling at me and everything was great. I was not the fucking carcass of what I am today. I couldn't believe that she caught me and Sasha groping. I felt remorse and anger at the look on her face when she caught us. For fuck's sake, my hand was under Sasha's tight shirt! I hoped that one day she will forgive me.
"I hate how stupid you get when that idiot stands beside you." she continued, her eyes staring angrily at me.
"What idiot?" I asked annoyed, turning to face the road.
"That stupid Leslie." she said irritated, folding her arms over her chest.
I felt the anger bubbling inside my chest. OK, she could insult me and call me whatever she wanted, but when she mentioned Leslie's name, I felt protective and I was quickly in imprinting mode.
"Watch how you talk about Leslie, Sasha." I growled, holding the steering wheel tightly, until my knuckles turned white.
"Why? It's the truth!" she snapped, turning to face me. "She is a bitch. She took you from me, but I am glad that she is having a taste of her own medicine."
"You sound so stupid." I muttered to myself.
Sasha continued talking, but my mind was thousands of miles away. I was thinking of the first time I saw Leslie. I could still feel the current I felt when I touched her the first time. I missed her and being next to Sasha, made me feel repugnant and repulsive. I was an idiot. I should have forgiven her and looked the other way.
Sasha was laughing and I gave her another sideways glance and noticed the devilish smile displayed on her lips. "You should've seen the expression on her face. I knew coming to the public library was going to work." she muttered under her breath. "Janice was right all along."
"What do you mean 'coming to the public library was going to work'? And what the fuck does Janice have to do with this?" I asked, glaring at her furiously. I slowly put on the brakes, when the light he traffic light turned red. "You fucking better answer!" I hissed.
She rolled her eyes and played with her hair. "I don't know what you are talking about."
"You know damn well, what I am talking about." I snarled.
"Whatever, Brady." she said exasperated.
"Did you know that Leslie was going to be at the library?" I asked hurt.
I would never forgive myself for being with such a devious and vicious woman. "Did you do it on purpose?"
Leslie was still my imprint and I felt protective of her. No matter how many times I tried to deny the connection that bonded and united us, I couldn't fight it. Even if I couldn't be with her as a boyfriend, at least, I could be there to protect her.
"Jeez," she snapped. "What does she have that makes you act so possessive? Why are you getting all serious about her? Didn't you break up with her?" she asked viciously. "And yes, I knew that she worked there. My cousin Janice is friends with her. She told me about Leslie working at the public library. I did it all on purpose. You should thank me, Brady. I don't know what happened between the two of you, but she paid for hurting you."
The light turned green and the cars behind us were honking their horn. I couldn't move or drive. I just stared at Sasha and felt the urge to wring her neck. How could she?
"Why should I thank you?" I asked angrily. My voice was low and menacing. "You made Leslie cry. We made Leslie cry."
The face she'd made when she saw us. Damn! I was the worst. I hated myself! What did I do?!
"I didn't force you in to coming with me. I suggested going to that dark corner, you willingly followed me." she said casually.
"I know and I regret it!" I yelled, putting the truck in drive.
I drove down the street and I couldn't have felt any better. I had truly hurt her. I didn't deserve her. Shit, the universe was wrong. She was better off without a person like me. I pulled down the street of where the party was going to be at and parked in front of one of those large and spacious houses.
"I don't want to be with you anymore." I said, not turning to face her. I didn't want to see her eyes. I only wanted to see Leslie's brown eyes. I wanted her forgiveness and her love.
"What?" she asked incredulous.
I faced her. Her eyes were flashing with anger, but I didn't care. I had made my choice. It'd taken me three months and a half, but I had made up my mind. I was going to fight for Leslie. I was going to fight for our happiness!
"You heard me." I said quietly. "I don't want to be with you. You are cruel and I don't want to turn like you. I don't want to hurt Leslie anymore. I thought that I could, but I can't."
"You seriously need to decide what you want." she screamed, unbuckling her seatbelt.
She turned to face me and I could see the anger. There was no pain in them, just hurt. I've hurt her ego. She wasn't hurt for the fact that she loved me. She hurt because she couldn't manipulate me anymore.
"I know what I want." I hissed angrily. "And it's not you!"
"Sure." she said spitefully. "You are just a fucking dick."
"And you are just a slut." I said furiously, my hands clenched in fists. I was suppressing my desire to phase. I was getting angry and was beginning to see red. I drew in a deep breath and started thinking of Leslie's soft and gentle smile.
I heard a knock on the window and I turned and found Haliee, Micah, Seth and my brother Sean, staring inside my truck. I drew in a deep breath and opened my door. Before I got out, I turned to Sasha and shook my head at her. "I just needed to see the light. You are not my sun, Sasha."
She opened the passenger door and slams it shut. "Well," she yelled. "You are just a fucking bastard! I hate you! I bet you are going to grovel at that bitch's feet for forgiveness. I hope she never takes you back!"
She ran in to the house and I turned to face Seth. He gave me a questioning look, but I shrugged it off. I didn't feel like talking to him or anyone. I didn't want to be in this damn party. I want to go back to Leslie. I wanted to know that she was safe and just know...
"Leslie is in there." Haliee said. She looked sad and pensive. Maybe it was just my imagination.
"She is with Janice, the girl from our History class." Micah said, raising an eyebrow. "You should, um, I don't know, talk to her."
"She looks sad." Seth muttered. "You two should get back together."
"Shut up, Seth." Sean hissed, turning to face him. "She is the one responsible for my brother's pain. She should've thought before she locked lips with a vamp."
"Seth is right, Brady." Haliee said softly. "She needs you."
I sighed and raked my hand through my hair. I needed to be strong. I wouldn't leave the party without talking to Leslie.
"I'm going in." I said lowly. I turned around and looked at Seth and Sean. Seth was smiling at me, encouraging me to go on and grab the bull by its horns. Sean was not so enthusiastic, he still blamed Leslie for our separation.
"Whatever you want, bro." he shrugged. "If she is the one that can bring you out of that stupor, so let it be, then. I'll support you. But don't be mad at me, when I tell her off for hurting you!"
I nodded. Leslie could bring me out of this darkness. She was my light and without her I was nothing. Shit, Leslie was the only one that could bring me from the fucking dead.
"Let's go!" Seth said happily, grabbing Haliee's hand in his. "Let's get Brady and Les together!"
"Hurray," Sean said annoyed.
The music was blaring loudly outside the house, as we approached the entrance. There were a few couples making out on the front steps. I stared at them and felt envious. I wanted to kiss Leslie. I wanted to feel her arms around my neck, as our lips slowly met in a sincere kiss. Even if it was just one kiss. I wanted to remember how her lips felt on mine.
"I can smell her." Micah said, as we entered the front door.
"Me too," Sean said, rolling his eyes, as he pointed outside the living room.
"Let's go!" Seth said enthusiastically.
At least, he was being supportive!
Everyone had conglomerated on the backyard, where I could smell BBQ, the faint scent of beer and of chlorine. I was trying hard to pick Leslie's scent. I wanted to talk to her. She needed to know that I loved her. Yes, I had been a dick. But even a dick like myself, could find redemption.
I spotted her, as I made my way through the sea of faces. I didn't care if they were staring at me, or the fact that Seth, Sean and Micah, three extremely tall guys, were following after me.
"She is by the pool." Michelle screamed over the booming music, as she blocked my path. "She is with Janice and some strange guy."
The thought of Leslie and another guy made my stomach churn. I followed Michelle and there, by the pool, Leslie stood. She looked uncomfortable. Who the fuck was that idiot talking to her?
I got closer to them and pretended to be talking to my friends, when I was actually eavesdropping on their conversation. I could feel the strange pull, drawing me to her. I needed to hold her in my arms. If only she would give me a chance.
"So," Janice said excitedly. "Leslie, you remember Willis?"
She nodded and took a sip of her... I whiffed at the air, she was drinking grape juice. I could smell her and I felt intoxicated. I wasn't even remotely close to her and I could feel the effect she had on me. She looked around and her gaze met mine. She smiled briefly and then turned to her friends.
"Yes, we met last semester in gym class." that idiot Willis said.
"Yep," Leslie replied, chugging down her drink.
"Well, I'll let the two of you get acquainted." Janice said, winking at Leslie, as she took her leave.
"I heard that you broke up with your boyfriend." Willis said, smiling at her, when Janice left. "Are you looking for someone to replace him?"
Fucking idiot! I felt Seth's hand on my shoulder and I quickly composed myself. I wasn't going to make a scene. At least not yet.
"Um, yeah." Leslie said annoyed, looking around my direction. "Can we change the subject?" she asked, her eyes still fixed on mine.
"Why?" Willis asked. Can he be that dense? That fucking idiot didn't even noticed that he was making Leslie uncomfortable with his interrogatives.
"Why? Um, well, because it's none of your business." she said harshly.
Willis was taken aback, but quickly recovered. "I see. So, um, are you seeing anyone?"
She shook her head and started looking around. Why wasn't she looking my way? I was feeling uncomfortable. She really was beautiful. when she was annoyed.
"Are you interested in someone?" he asked.
"No." she said curtly, taking a sip of her drink.
Her eyes were scanning for someone and I wanted to know who she was searching for. But damn, destiny or was it karma, truly hated me. Because suddenly a gust of cold air, blew in my direction. And there it was; that same scent I had smelled on her the afternoon we broke up.
"Brady." Sean said, pointing at the pale figure that stood next to the refreshment table. "The leech is here."
The bloodsucker was staring back at us and then at Leslie. He was as tall as us, but a lot leaner. His hair was long and black and I wanted to fucking mop the damn floor with it. Asshole! What the hell was he doing here?!
"Is that?" Haliee asked in disbelief. "That's the guy she kissed." she snarled.
"What is he doing here?" I asked, my hands clenched tightly in fists.
"I don't know." Seth shrugged. "But he is staring at Leslie."
"Maybe she invited him." Michelle said angrily. "I would beat her for that!"
No way, Michelle! I thought. Not even dating a pacifist like Collin, could've changed her feisty ways.
"I seriously doubt that." Seth said, shaking his head.
"Maybe she did." Michelle retorted.
"And I seriously doubt it." Seth gnashed. "Look, she is nervous and not the kinda happy nervous!"
"How do you know?" Michelle asked defiantly.
Seth pointed at the direction where Leslie was. Leslie was cursing under her breath. My little cursing sailor! She looked angry and annoyed at the presence of that fucking vampire. At least, I hoped she was!
I continued to listen to Leslie's conversation. "Willis," she paused, raising one hand at him. "Give me a second, OK?"
He nodded and she ran to Janice. "I have to go home. Can you take me back, please?" she asked desperately.
"I can't." Janice said annoyed. "We got here twenty minutes ago. Relax and enjoy Willis' company. Use him as a lap dog."
"Janice," Leslie said, but Janice was gone. "Ugh!"
She walked back to Willis, the fucking retard and she smiled wearily at him. "Um, look, Willis, right?" she stuttered. "I have to go and well, I will see you around." she said, turning quickly on her heels, that she didn't give Willis time to protest.
She was coming our way. I felt my breath hitch at my throat and I couldn't focus on anything that wasn't her. Our eyes met, but she looked down at the floor as she walked.
Damn, baby look at me! See how sorry I am that we got into this fucked up mess! Forgive me, please!
My heart was beating fast at the thought that she could be coming to talk to me. But she passed by us and walked around the pool. My heart sank in my chest and I knew that I had lost her. I lost everything that I truly treasured.
"You fucking bitch!" I heard someone yell.
"Brady!" Michelle yelled.
I was too deep in my own self-pity, that I didn't hear the commotion. I was submerged in the pain of not having Leslie by my side.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Leslie shouted.
Suddenly the music died and everything went quiet. "Fuck you. You know perfectly well what is wrong with me! I told you once not to fucking mess with me!" Sasha shouted, pushing Leslie.
"Leave me alone, bitch." Leslie retorted, pushing Sasha back. "I don't care what you think and I really don't want to hear your voice. So get out of my fucking way." She ordered.
"You are going to hell!" Sasha shouted, slapping Leslie on the face. I took a step forward, but my body stopped, when I heard Leslie's words. They were filled with anger, angst and hatred, all mixed with raw pain.
"I am already in hell!" Leslie screamed, her eyes meeting mine.
Everything happened in slow motion. You know, like when a good scene is playing in slow motion on your television. That's how I felt. I was aware of what was happening. I saw Leslie's face turn and her eyes met mine, when she lost her footing and slipped in to the pool, her head hitting the hard cement edge around the pool and finally, she dropped in the water.
"Brady," Leslie had said softly. She looked so beautiful. I wish I could turn back the hands of time and do everything right.
"Yes," I said, holding her body tightly against mine.
"I know it sounds stupid..." she laughed.
"What sounds stupid, baby?" I asked kissing her forehead.
"Well, um, you, see... I am from Puerto Rico." she said shyly, looking up at me.
"I know." I said, kissing her forehead. "I looked it up on the INTERNET. It's a fairly small island in the Caribbean Sea."
"Yes," she said, nodding and resting her head on my chest. "It's surrounded by water." she giggled. "And I don't know how to swim." she said coyly.
We laughed and I kissed her lips softly. "This summer, I promise to teach you."
She smiles brightly at me and I could see the joy in her eyes. It was the kinda joy a little kid would feel when being handed a large lollipop.
"You will?" she asked hopefully.
"I will, princess." I tell her and I kissed her again.
I held my breath. I reacted, as soon as I smelled the chlorine water mixed with the red of her blood, I went into action. My heart was beating hard and I could feel my breath coming quite fast. I looked at Seth and he ran towards the pool. I did the same too, pushing everyone that was on my way. I had to make it in time. I couldn't lose her. I couldn't feel her heartbeats, because mine were booming loudly, beating hard against my ribcage...
Please, baby, be safe!
"Seth!" I heard Haliee Christina screaming. "Get her!" she cried frantically.
When I saw that Seth was going to jump inside the pool, someone pushed him and he fell on the concrete floor. And before I could get in the pool, he was already diving in to save her.