Resentment

Chapter 35: A rush of emotions

A/N: I own nothing except my mistakes.

Are you still awake? Hermione snapped her eyes open in the dark, shifting in her bed as she turned to her other side, the dark outlines of a girl laying in bed in the distance coming into focus as she was letting her eyes roam around the room. Of course she was still awake. She had been for hours.

Yeah. She wasn't quite sure whether it was a good thing or not that he was calling out for her, and she would admit that her heart was beginning to race quite a bit as it remained completely silent for a while. Please come to the Astronomy Tower.

Hearing the plea in his request, she rolled down on her back and rubbed her eyes with a heavy sigh as she contemplated it. This is what she wanted, right? To have a proper talk about where their relationship was headed. Yet, she couldn't deny that she was afraid. Either he was going to tell her that they were okay, or.. he was going to tell her that perhaps it had been a mistake to get together.

Feeling her heart break at that thought, she forced herself out of bed as she willed herself to stop thinking about it. No good it would do for her if she'd start jumping to any conclusions, and seeing as right now she had an opportunity to find out what her future beheld, she would be foolish to not grab that chance.

And so she hurried herself into a dressing gown, not caring about changing into normal clothes. It was bloody one in the morning, anyway. It would be far more suspicious for anyone else if she'd dress up just to meet her currently still boyfriend who had seen her in far worse conditions than pajamas.

Tiptoeing down the stairs leading from the girls' dormitory, she winced as the portrait hole creaked as she gently pushed it open. Waiting a couple of seconds to see if it had alarmed anyone, she continued walking when she concluded that it didn't, and regretted the choice to not put on slippers immediately as her bare feet hit the cold stone ground beneath her.

It was a long way down from the seventh floor to the Entrance Hall, and then also having to go outside and walk the many stairs up again to reach the top of the Astronomy Tower.

Taking a few seconds to catch her breath before she would walk up the last few stairs that would get her to where Draco was, she at last made it to the top with bated breath, nervously looking at the back of the white blond haired boy, who was leaning against the railing, staring into the distance as the cold breeze ruffled through his hair.

He, too, didn't seem to have bothered to dress up for their prompt rendezvous as she saw his black sweater hanging loosely over his shoulders and his grey sweatpants clinging lightly around his waist.

Inhaling the fresh air that hit her, she took the last final steps as to cross her way from where she was to him, and carefully stood beside him, keeping a respectable distance between them. Draco didn't look her way, but she knew he was just as nervous about this as she was, as his body tensed up right away.

"I feel like a beast," Draco's voice was hoarse, barely a whisper as he remained staring off into the distance. "Whenever I think back to what happened here, I'm reminded of who I've been.." Turning her body to face him, she watched carefully as his brows furrowed together, a look of utmost concentration on his face. "A beast, who spent an entire year trying to hunt down its prey.. believing it was doing the only thing it could do to survive." Draco broke his stare into the distance, and his eyes roamed down to his hands.

"Growing up I was made to believe that we, Malfoys, a family of Pureblood heir, were the superior of the Wizarding World. That any blood status below us fouled it, and made a shame to this Wizarding Education System." A disgusted, humourless laugh escaped his lips. "I was so proud at the time to be made one of His, to help correct the Wizarding World into what it should have been, only Purebloods."

Hermione remained silent, knowing she'd throw him off if she so much as uttered a word. "It wasn't until I got the Dark Mark and started to work on what He had chosen me to do, that I started to realize that this just wasn't right." Draco scoffed, shaking his head as he looked back up, staring far off into the distance once more. "Of course that didn't change anything. After all, I was chosen, out of all others, to help the Dark Lord kill Dumbledore. I considered it my greatest honour at the time."

"And then you came in and ruined my little quest I had been given, simply by accidentally casting dark magic over the two of us." Draco shot a halfhearted smirk her way, but as they made eye contact she could see the disgust he felt to his younger self. "And you didn't ruin it just because from then on I had to be more careful on what I did, or how you started to find out more things that you really were not supposed to find out, or even the fact that I had been tied to a Muggleborn."

Draco shook his head, a sad smile tugging on the corner of his lips. "No. You ruined it, because you made me question all that I was doing. Why I was doing it." Slowly he tore his eyes off from the point he was staring at, and turned his body to her. "After constant nagging about all that I was doing, you made me open my eyes to what it was that I was doing." Hermione gave him the slightest of a smile, all the while grateful that she made such an impact on him at the time. Even though he didn't like it back then.

"Do you know why I lowered my wand that night at the Astronomy Tower?" Hermione bit her lip, wondering if she was supposed to answer that or not, but when he remained silent, she figured she should. "Because you realized that what you were doing was wrong?"

Draco shook his head, his brows furrowing together once more as he clearly focused on a memory, and before she knew it, she was dragged in it too.

There he stood, his wand having trembled in his hand as he had pointed it at Dumbledore. And for a moment the scene had lost its focus, until it had shown a clear image of what Hermione had been dealing with at that same time.

How she had been duelling with a Death Eater, fighting for her life, all the while as she had said everything she could have thought of to stop him from becoming someone she knew he was not: a murderer.

The memory ended all too soon, but it made perfect sense as his words elaborated. "I was watching you, Hermione. How you were battling against your enemy, watching your friends get cursed around you, and yet, your only focus was on me. Your former enemy."

Draco shook his head in disbelief as a faint smile appeared on his face. "All you wanted was to spare my innocence. To save me from turning into someone I was not. And that's what you had been trying to do all year. You weren't trying to change me, like all the others were. Instead you accepted me for who I was, and even though I didn't see it at the time, who I was, wasn't a murderer."

Draco took a step forward, closing the gap between them two. "Hermione Granger," he whispered, tugging a strand of hair behind her ear, giving her goosebumps as his cold fingertips grazed against her skin, "I don't deserve you." His voice was pained, and his hand cupped her cheek as his eyes started to glaze.

Fearing the next few words, she leaned in against his touch, biting back her own tears as she waited for the 'So I have to let you go'. Or anything that would completely crush her heart. "But I'm a selfish man, always have been, and truth to be told.." Waiting with bated breath, she watched as his eyes scanned her face carefully, and it took all she had inside of her to not yell at him for taking his sweet time to continue. "I need you."

"So, please, don't leave me." Releasing a shaky breath, she searched his eyes for any emotion she could get a grasp on. There was pain, desperation and dare she even say love.

The hand on her cheek was slowly beginning to lose its grip as she remained quiet, and his expression grew colder and colder as he was starting to put his defenses back up. Not wanting any of that, she wasted no time in cupping his face with her hands, and bringing their lips together, pressing her body against his as close as she could, wanting in that moment to never let him go.

Without a single hesitation his hand slipped from her cheek to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him and deepening their kiss, his other hand snaking around her waist as he held her tight.

For a long while they stood in that embrace, passionately kissing, letting their lips express whatever words had been left unsaid, until eventually their kisses slowed, and Draco planted one last kiss on her forehead before giving them both time to breathe. "I'll never leave you," Hermione whispered, nuzzling her head into his neck as they went in for a hug, "I promise you."

Hermione softly sighed as she sat in class the next morning, her thoughts freely being able to wander off to the previous night as their new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher – who was incredibly boring – was giving a lecture on how to treat the information they'd learn carefully and wisely.

Trying to suppress a yawn, she lazily let her eyes slide across the room, until they found their way to a table that was in the same row as her across the room, where a certain ferret was already gazing her way, a hand popped up to support his head as he gave her a lopsided smirk when they made eye contact. Fancy seeing you here. Draco said, wiggling his eyebrows with a teasing smile.

Bringing a hand up to her mouth, she hid her laugh as the teacher was looking her way, and for a second she pretended to be interested in what their professor was saying until the woman looked away again. Aren't you the perfect student. Showing interest as to not hurt the teacher's feelings. Rolling her eyes at him, she stuck her tongue out as she made her next remark. At least one of us has manners, Malfoy.

Malfoy, huh? Any butt hurt feelings you'd like to talk about, Granger? Draco smirked as Hermione chuckled lightly, then pretended to cough as to cover it up when the teacher's head snapped to her. Oh shut it.

Now now, that's not very friendly. Who was the one with the manners again? Grinning, she popped a hand under her own head as she turned her body more sideways to him so she could look at him better. Obviously me. I mean, look at how you're sitting.

What's wrong with how I sit? His eyebrows furrowed together for a second, clearly offended as he looked down at his own posture. This caused Hermione to nearly crack up, and she silenced a laugh as he looked back up at her. The teacher is looking directly at you, dim witted oaf, and you're so far down in your seat that if she were to walk next to you, the breeze would sent you falling down. You look as disinterested as one could possibly look.

Even though it was clear to see that Draco was trying really hard to look offended, he eventually gave up when a smug smirk appeared on his face as he looked her up and down, a sign of appreciation lighting up his face. Well well, Granger, would you look at that. Didn't know you had it in you to offend someone so bad.

That's what you get when you date a Malfoy. Planting a smirk of her own on her face, she grinned in satisfaction as he shot her a glare, then smiled faintly at her. Good to see that my so called bad manners at least have the ability to make you smile.

Hermione was glad about that too. In fact, the way they were communicating right now made her almost forget what happened the days before this. Not that she couldn't, of course. Because yesterday was exactly what their relationship needed. They needed to hit rock bottom before they could rise up again, and that's exactly what they did.

The bell rang soon after, and she said a quick goodbye to Draco over mind as they both left for different classes. "'Ello Hermione!" A loud voice called behind her, and a grin appeared on her face as she saw Hagrid coming her way, his shoes that were covered in dirt leaving traces behind him as he closed the distance. "D'you have any classes?" Hermione shook her head. Normally she did, but only this morning did she read on the noticeboard that her Ancient Runes teacher called in sick.

"Would ya like to drink a cup of tea together then?" Figuring she could do her homework another time – considering she hadn't even properly said her hello to Hagrid ever since she arrived back at Hogwarts – she nodded with a smile as she walked with him outside of the castle and into his hut.

When the kettle had whistled and the cups had been filled, the conversation finally started. "So how is it to be back?" Hagrid asked, sipping on his tea, then regretting it immediately afterwards as he fanned his mouth. Obviously the water was still boiling hot. "It's a bit strange, I have to say. Especially without Ron and Harry by my side. But, then again, I would lie if I say I don't like the peace and quietness that brings me." Hagrid chuckled, then scratched his beard as he frowned.

"I have to tell ya, Hermione, I do miss the fellows roamin' around the castle." Hermione smiled sadly at the half giant in front of her, nodding in understanding as she wrapped her hands around her cup of tea to warm them up a bit.

It's no secret that Harry in special always meant a lot to Hagrid. Not many people thought of it this way, but Hermione always figured that Hagrid saw Harry as a son he'd never have. He always looked out for him throughout his years at Hogwarts, even if it wasn't done in the standard way.

"I'm sure they miss you too, Hagrid." Hermione said, then smiled as she shrugged. "I s'pose you'll see them again soon, though. They definitely won't forget about you." With that she immediately made a mental note to remind Harry to invite Hagrid over sometime for Christmas or whenever he possibly could.

There was no denying that Harry would ever forget about Hagrid, but she also knew that an invitation was something Harry probably wouldn't think of that quickly. "That's nice of you to say." Hagrid said with a smile.

They continued sipping their tea for a while, discussing Hagrid's Care of Magical Creatures classes he was teaching, and even dared to bring up her and Malfoy. As much as she trusted Hagrid and wanted to confide in him, it didn't feel right to do so without actually knowing how exposed Draco and she wanted their relationship to be, so she just brushed it off for now.

When they were done chatting it had already reached night time, and Hagrid walked with her to the castle as they both took their respectable places in the Great Hall. Want to go for a walk? While chewing on her potato she looked up from her plate, her eyes instinctively finding his, and she nodded as she swallowed her food. Sure, just let me finish this. Draco nodded, but stood up all the same.

With big strides – well, they weren't big for him, but for someone with really long legs, they automatically were big – Granger, we talked about this, I don't have long legs, he easily made it to the wooden doors of the Great Hall, and rested his back against the wall right beside it, allowing him to lazily look around hundreds of students as he waited patiently for her to finish. Nothing wrong with long legs, sweetheart. Hermione teased, shooting him a grin as he shot her a death glare.

Remembering about the letter she wanted to send Harry, she quickly got out some paper and her quill and began writing the letter.

Dear Harry,

Thanks so much for the helping hand! And no, Draco and I didn't break up yet. Actually, we're going pretty good. Not that either of you want to know about that, anyway.

Oh, by the way, Harry, I spoke to Hagrid today. He really misses you, you do know that, right? Maybe you can invite him over sometime when you've got your own place.

Best wishes from Hagrid and Professor McGonagall, and I'll hopefully see you both soon!

Love,

Hermione

Finishing her last two potatoes and her cup of water with a grin on her face, she put the letter in her bag – deciding to drop it off at the owlery next morning before going to her class – and got up and said her goodbye to Neville and Dean, then ignored the stares as she walked up to Draco and smiled at him, which he returned. "Everyone's looking, you know." Hermione spoke softly, never having liked to be the centre of attention. "Let them." Was all Draco said, popping his hands into his pockets as he seemed completely at ease to be seen with her.

This made Hermione curious about something, but she figured she'd save that question for when they'd have a bit more privacy.

"Where were you planning to go?" Hermione asked as he guided her through the corridors, and he nodded his head to a door in the distance. "Outside." It was amazing to see how well they had rebuilt the wooden bridge that Neville had blown up last year, making it look like there almost hadn't been any damage done to it. That was the best thing about magic, Hermione supposed. To be able to mend things that would have otherwise remained broken for eternity. It allowed you to give things a second chance.

They came to a stop somewhere midway, and both leaned against the railing as they let their eyes roam around the dark castle grounds. Hogwarts had something peaceful about it, that even when you were standing in pitch blackness like right now, you still felt completely safe. "Draco?"

"Yes?" Turning her head to look at him, she bit her lip as she thought on how to phrase this. "What is your idea about us.. and people.. knowing.." Shutting her eyes in embarrassment, she sighed in frustration for feeling so awkward about that. It was a completely sane question, wasn't it?

Draco chuckled, and when she opened her eyes again she could see the amusement in his eyes when he looked at her. "I don't know." He shrugged casually, then turned his body to her as he leaned his shoulder against the wooden frame of the bridge. "I'm fine with them knowing if you are." Hermione pursed her lip in thought. Of course she would be okay with the world knowing, but there was just one thing worrying her about that. "What about your parents?" Elaborating on that, she added: "I mean, word is bound to spread."

Draco shrugged, but this time in a careless manner. "What about them? If they have a problem with it, then I can really care any less." Scoffing, he shook his head. "It's not like they can do anything about it." Still not convinced, she now turned her body to him as well. "But what if they do try to do something about it?"

Raising his eyebrows, a scowl immediately appeared on his face, but it wasn't directed at her. "Honestly, I'd like to see them try." Sighing, he relaxed his features as he took a few steps closer and stepped behind her, making her turn her body to the railing again as he pushed his chest against her back and wrapped his arms around her. Embracing the warmth, she relaxed immediately when she felt his hot breath on her head. "I refuse to let anyone tear us apart. And that includes my parents."

A long while of silence allowed her to scan the grounds below her, and remind her of the battle that had been fought only a year ago. Flashes of memories came rushing back into her mind, and before she knew it she felt hot tears gliding down her cheeks.

So far she hadn't really taken a moment to mourn the dead. To process everything she's been through these past few years, but now, seeing the peace and quietness around her and comparing that to what has once played out here on the grounds, it hit her rock hard and before she knew it she was sobbing like crazy as Draco held her even tighter. He didn't need to ask her what she was crying about. Heck, even if he couldn't read her mind, she was pretty sure he'd figure it out soon enough.

Hermione had lost countless of friends in that battle. People with whom she was only acquainted with to people she actually talked to on a daily basis. And each one of them had their life taken away from them for what? A mass murderer who made everyone's life miserable just to take revenge on a teenage boy for stripping him off his life? What about all those lives he had taken?

She didn't know how long she had been crying her heart out, but at last the tears stopped coming, and the tears that were stained to her cheeks began to cool down as the wind kept tugging on their clothes. Turning around, she wrapped her arms around Draco's warm body, and rested her head against his chest.

At least she was still here. She was still alive and she wasn't alone. Out of all the misery she had been through, she was lucky enough to have someone by her side to support and comfort her. And that was more than what most people had nowadays. And she couldn't be more grateful that it was Draco, and not anyone else, for being that person for her.