Hey - this is not the last chapter! There's one more, and it's posting simultaneously with this one. Please read this one first!
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Myg
CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE
Contrition
Day broke under a cloudless sky, soft, pink rays rising up over the tree tops, suggesting another uncharacteristically sunny morning. As we approached the Black house Jake let go of my hand and grimaced a little, like he was hiding a great discomfort, but not all that well. I nervously twisted the new engagement ring on my finger, like turning a small lie concealing a much bigger falsehood. But my sense of duty trumped my sense of romantic idealism. So I couldn't marry the man I truly loved—I hated the fact, but I had a tribe that needed me, and sometimes you just have to step up. This was one of those times.
The five bears following us paused at the end of Jake's driveway as they were met by two wolfs, one I recognized as Leah, and she directed them to the lawn across the street. Six other wolves from Jake's pack were stationed around the perimeter of the Black's property and their temporary Commander in Chief appeared to be Charlie, who sat on the porch in a rocker with a shotgun across his lap.
"What are you doing?" I asked as Jake and I approached.
"Just providing a little disincentive for anyone unfriendly, that's all," Charlie said, eyeing the bears who sat across the street on their haunches, sniffing the air. I looked at him with gratitude, tearing up a little. "Edward saved your life," he said. "I owe him that much, at least."
I leaned over the shotgun on Charlie's lap and gave him a kiss on the cheek. He raised his eyebrows and nodded at the door. "He's waiting for you."
Inside, Edward sat at the kitchen table with Billy and Sue. He looked unusually stiff and vampire-like as he sat in that humble, small room with its mismatched furniture. Sunlight streamed through the windows, reflecting off of Edward's face. As Jake and I came in he rose to his feet, made eye contact with me and then Jake, and then glanced at the new engagement ring on my left hand. I cringed as pain crossed his face, but then his eyes met mine again and it was obvious he was relieved. I ran to him and threw my arms around his neck, catching him by surprise, and he held me almost painfully close.
"What are you doing here?" I asked. "How did you even get here without the bears finding you? They're everywhere."
"Leah," he said, and I could tell he was making awkward eye contact with Jake over my shoulder. "I ran into her over by the cliffs and she brought me back here."
"Jake," I turned to see him standing directly behind us, arms crossed, frowning. "You have to get Edward out of here."
"No, Bella," Edward said. "I came to see Hamani and the Ani Tsa' gu hi elders. Billy and Sue were just advising me how to approach them."
"You can't see Hamani," I said. "No way."
"I can't live an eternity without facing these people and making whatever amends I can make," Edward said. "At the very least, I need to make an apology for the damage I've caused."
"They'll want justice," I said. "They'll kill you, don't you see? There'll be no eternity to worry about."
"They may not," Billy said. "We can find out if they'll entertain a formal apology and restitution. Edward brought you back so you can marry Jake and unite the tribes…"
"That was Bella's idea," Edward said.
"You supported it," I said. "You didn't have to bring me back."
"In any case," Billy said, "They may agree to a peaceful resolution, especially if you and Jake ask them."
"Why are you trying to help Edward?" I asked.
"Because," Billy said, "he asked me to."
"I thought you didn't like the Cullens," I said, challenging. Sue's face clouded over with guilt and Billy turned to look at Edward, like he was assessing him, or rather re-assessing him.
"I appreciate what he's trying to do," Billy finally said. "And we would always rather have peace."
I looked over at Jake, who averted his eyes to the floor. Sue said, "We know how you feel about him, Bella. Of course we want to help him."
"Well, it's too risky," I said.
"Bella, I can't run from an entire population of black bears for the rest of eternity," Edward said. "My family is also in danger now. I have to see if there's anything I can do."
"I'd feel the same way if I were him," Jacob said.
"You don't care if he gets killed," I snapped at Jake. "You don't care what happens to him."
"If that was true I wouldn't be protecting him right now, would I?" Jake shot back. "You think I want to see you fall apart because he gets himself killed? I know what a fucked up mess you'll be if he dies."
Edward glared at Jake, his body tensing with restraint. He squeezed my hand. "Jake is doing me a favor right now," he said.
"I'm doing Bella a favor," Jake said.
"Whatever," Edward said.
"We'll talk to the Ani Tsa' gu hi first and see if they'll agree to meet with Edward," Sue said.
"Thank you, Sue," Edward said, giving her an appreciative look.
"No," I said. "I'm afraid of what they'll do."
"Bella," sat down and pulled me into his lap. He held me close and whispered in my ear, "Please don't ask me to spend eternity a coward."
I didn't want to agree, but the deepest part of me, the part that saw truth and didn't shade it with fear, understood. In fact, I wanted him to face Hamani. I didn't want him to run from the pain and the destruction we'd brought to the tribe. Coming back and facing the bears had allowed me to untie the knot of regret strangling my heart. How could I really, fairly, deny Edward the same opportunity? But the terror of losing him was at war with that part of me that understood the larger consequence of Edward running from this. And as we sat in the Black's kitchen, I realized that my current fears were the same ones Edward had the day before when he let me jump from Reckoner's bow and dive into the Pacific. So I had to let it go. And I had to help him.
"I'll ask Hamani if he'll consider a peaceful resolution," I said. "If he promises not to kill you, then you can meet with him and the elders."
"Okay," Edward said. "But I am going to face him sooner or later, one way or another."
#
Jake and I arrived at the tribal council office mid-morning. Sue and Billy were already there with a fresh pot of coffee and a tin of blueberry muffins, which Sue passed around to all of the elders and Anna Marie. Hamani took one, sniffed at it and took a small bite. "Are you hungry Bella?" Sue asked, handing me the muffin tin. "You haven't eaten a thing since yesterday."
"No, thank you," I said, putting the tin on the table and taking the seat across from Hamani. "Did you explain it yet?"
"We were waiting for you," Billy said.
"What's going on?" Anna Marie asked. "Does it have to do with the Cold One you're holding at the Black's house?"
"Yes," Jake said. "Edward Cullen has returned and is asking for an audience with the elders."
"He wants peace," I said. "He would like a chance to apologize to the tribe and offer whatever restitution he can make."
Anna Marie paused and looked curiously at Jake, who shrugged his shoulders and then looked out the window, and then back at her. Anna Marie then relayed this information to Hamani, who was finishing off the last crumbs from his breakfast. He frowned and made several gestures with his hands at Jake as he responded. Then he closed his eyes and put his hands over his face for a moment. I imagined he was recalling the mass drowning from the day before, the loss of his children, and it made me sick inside.
"Hamani says Jake should kill the Cold One and get your memories back so you can phase back," she said. "He has no interest in his apologies."
I turned to Jake, my stomach twisted and hard with fear. He shook his head slightly and grit his teeth.
"The Cold One is sincere in his remorse," Sue said, giving me a supportive look. "Billy and I spoke with him a long time this morning. He has many resources that may be of use to the tribe. Maybe an understanding can be reached."
"They don't trust him," Anna Marie said, gesturing to the elders. "He's a vampire, you know?"
"The Cullens are different," Billy said. "Our tribe has had a long standing peace with them. I know a great harm has been done, but Edward wants to be accountable."
Anna Marie spoke to Hamani again, who then conferred with the other elders. He appeared to grow more agitated, shaking his head in disagreement.
"I'm supposed to be their spirit guardian, right?" I said. "Don't I have any pull here?"
"If you would phase, they'd agree to anything you want," Anna Marie said.
"Ha ha," I said sarcastically. "I can go buy a bear suit. Will that work?"
"They're not idiots," she said, irritated.
"Edward brought me back here yesterday to marry Jake and keep the tribe from destroying themselves," I said. "Doesn't that count for anything?"
"He brought you back, of his own will?" Anna Marie asked.
"Yes," I said, recalling again the moment when Edward admitted he wanted to flee with me and never look back. That was fine, I thought. Anyone would feel that way. Hell, I felt that way myself. But in the end he did bring me back, and that's what mattered.
Anna Marie relayed this information, and the elders debated what it meant, what they should feel or do in response, their voices a mixture of disbelief and surprise. They talked for several minutes and then she said, "Will Edward relinquish his hold on you in a sacred ceremony and then give you to Jacob Black to be married, before the spirits?"
"What do you mean? They want Edward to give me away at our wedding?"
"Yes."
"He's not my father."
"Hamani says the Cold One has an unnaturally strong attachment to you because he has your memories now. So, Hamani won't give him an audience unless he will come into the sacred circle and dissolve that bond with you before the tribe and the spirits."
"Jesus," I said, my stomach hollow. "You mean like an anti-wedding?"
"Yes, sort of," she said, and then she conferred with Hamani again. "Edward will bring you before Hamani and the elders and they will ask the spirits to unbind you. Then you will be rid of him spiritually and free to reclaim your memories, to remember your true self. Then you can marry Jacob. This is what the elders require before they'll grant him an audience."
"Um… " I stalled. What a sickening proposition this was. It was like they believed Edward could be exorcised from my soul, like he was some kind of demon. The thought made me feel nauseous. I did not believe what they suggested was actually possible—Edward could never be chased out of my heart, even if he chose to vacate, which I knew he never would. But I felt threatened anyway. And I wasn't sure Edward would go along.
"Isn't there something else he can do instead?" I asked.
"What's the problem?"
"It just seems a little… extreme."
"He has nothing else that they want," Anna Marie said. "But I should warn you, if he won't do it, they will take that as confirmation that he is planning to come for you again, and they will not allow that."
"What do you mean?"
Hamani interrupted Anna Marie, tapping her shoulder and pointing out the window, making sweeping gestures with his arms, indicating his impatience. She spoke with him for several minutes.
"Hamani says if he will not agree to the unbinding ceremony, they will go to him now. They cannot risk him taking you again."
"He's under my protection," Jake said.
"I know that, Jake," she said. "But they don't trust him—they do not like your arrangement with the Cold Ones."
"That's too bad," Jake said. "These are our lands. They have to respect our wishes."
"They outnumber you," Anna Marie said. "Can't you see that? This is too important to them—they will not risk losing her again."
"I never said Edward wouldn't do it," I said, breaking into their conversation. "But If he does, Hamani and the elders must enter a new peace treaty with the Cullens, like the Quileute have."
"I'm not sure that they'll entertain that," she said.
"Ask Hamani…" I paused. "No… tell Hamani this is what Jake and I will require after we are married and the tribes are united."
Hamani scowled at Anna Marie as she relayed my demand. He spoke quickly, his voice rising. Then the elders all spoke, a rumbling of dissenting opinions until Hamani's voice rose above the others and he spoke to Anna Marie.
"He says if the Cold One will release you from his attachment, they will abide a new treaty with the Cullens—only the Cullens though. No other Cold Ones."
"Of course," I said.
"But Bella, if Edward tries to steal you again, they will kill him."
"He won't," I said, a hollow, cold feeling settling in the pit of my stomach. "But I want the Cullens to be able to return to their home in Forks."
Anna Marie turned and spoke to Hamani again, who said a few words nodded slowly in my direction. "Not Edward," Anna Marie said. "Hamani says he has to leave immediately after the ceremony."
"That's fine," Jake said.
"Why does he have to leave?" I said.
"Temptation," Anna Marie said.
"You can't argue that," Jake said, looking at me.
#
The elders, led by Hamani, wanted to see for themselves if Edward would agree to these conditions. Not willing to simply trust my reassurances, they instead insisted on coming back to the house to speak to him directly. But I already knew Edward would take issue with this proposal. I was going to have to convince him and reassure him, and that was something I did not want to do with an audience. I wasn't sure how I was going to convince him to go along with a ceremony intended to break the spiritual bond we had. I didn't want to go through with it myself and I would have refused those terms, if it wasn't for the fact that I didn't believe in them—didn't believe there was anything anyone could do that could break the bond we had. But I also knew that Edward would not want to fake some act of contrition just to appease the Ani Tsa' gu hi. He would struggle with this demand.
Edward walked out onto the porch as he sensed the large group of us approaching. Charlie got to his feet, his gun at his side.
"What's this?" Charlie asked as we got near.
"They have a deal," Edward said, looking at Jake and then Anna Marie, reading their thoughts. "And not a good one," he added. He looked at me silently, and shook his head No.
"You have to," I said, before anyone else said a word. Then I turned to Hamani and said, "I need to speak to him alone."
Hamani shook his head in disagreement, as though he was now understanding what I'd asked of him.
"Yes," I nodded. "I'll be right inside. I won't go anywhere, I swear." I took his hand in mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze, and then I strode up the stairs, into the house. Charlie positioned himself defensively toward the crowd as I led Edward back inside.
"Don't ask me to do this," Edward said.
"We have no choice," I said, my voice strained as I attempted to hold back tears.
"You expect me to participate in a sacred ceremony of unbinding with you?" he said. "Like renounce my love for you before the tribes, before the spirits, before God?"
"Yes," I said, cringing at the words.
"I can't do that. That's like disavowing my one reason for existing."
"You have to," I said. "If you don't do it, they'll take that as confirmation that you're planning to steal me again and they'll kill you."
"Bella…"
"If you do this, it will guarantee the safety of your family, Edward. They can come home. And then when things settle down and the bears are pacified, I will find a way to leave here and I swear, I will return to you."
"You've agreed to this?" he asked, incredulous, bordering on angry.
"Yes," I said, choking up.
"I can't believe this," he said. "I'd rather they killed me than make me do that."
"Please, please don't make me watch you die," I implored him.
"How can you expect me to renounce my love for you, Bella? I can't do it. I won't."
"Edward," I said, my voice rising in pitch, wavering as I tried to keep my volume down in spite of the desperation that rose in my throat, filled my lungs. "You told me that I was yours, that I belonged to you. You said that nothing would ever change that—not even marrying Jake."
"I know that," he said.
"Well, don't you believe it?"
"Of course I do," he said. "That's the problem." He sat down on the couch and pulled me into his lap. "I want you to understand something," he said, touching his brow to mine. "Do you know why I returned to La Push, why I want to see Hamani?"
"Yes," I said. "You feel remorseful and you want to make things right."
"I'm here because I want to be worthy of your love," he said and then kissed me lightly on the lips. "You had the strength to come back and lead the tribe to safety, in direct conflict with your own heart's desire. So how can I go through an unbinding ceremony to appease Hamani and all the while in my heart know it's a lie? Because Bella, there is nothing they could say or do that will tear your soul from mine."
My tears were hot as they rolled off my cheeks and he brushed them from my face with his thumbs and then kissed me on the forehead. I touched my lips to his and felt them cool, strong, steady.
"Edward," I whispered. "I need you to do this. For me. For us."
He put his arms around me and kissed the top of my head and held me for a long time. Then he kissed me, quietly on the lips and held my face in his hands.
"Okay, I'll do it," he said. "As long as you understand, it will never work."
#
Edward and I returned to the porch where everyone waited for Edward's answer. As the sun bounced its bright rays off of his face, the elders grew agitated, like they were concerned some kind of magic might follow. Their voices rose and then they all phased except for Hamani, who stood next to Anna Marie, waiting for Edward to speak. He and Edward stood in a silent stand off, looking intently at each other as Jake's pack came running and surrounded the small crowd out on the lawn, ready to intervene should there be any trouble.
"It's okay," I said. "We have an agreement."
"So the Cold One has agreed to the unbinding ceremony?" Anna Marie said.
"Yes," Edward said. "Let me know what I need to do.
Anna Marie paused, her eyes lingering on Edward's face curiously. She and Hamani spoke and then she continued. "Tomorrow we will perform the unbinding before the wedding. You will bring Hala to the sacred circle and give her back to the tribe so she can be married to Jacob."
"Carlisle needs to be here," I said, suddenly, realizing that Edward would be alone to defend himself should anything go awry.
"No, he doesn't," Edward said. "I'll let him know when the treaty is in place."
"Dad," I said. "Call Carlisle. He needs to get here. Today."
"There's no need," Edward said, agitated.
"I'll call him," Charlie said. "He should at least know where you are, Edward. I'd want to know."
"Jake?" I said. "You've got to assure the Cullens can attend tomorrow's ceremony. Please."
"I can do that," he said, for once without hostility, and perhaps a a little relief that Edward was going to let me go. "We'll confer with the rest of the elders. Anna Marie? Clear it with Hamani. We need the Cullens here to formalize the new treaty, anyway."
Anna Marie relayed the information to Hamani, and he nodded his assent. Edward shifted his eyes over the crowd of bears, tense and unhappy with the task set before him.
"Honey, you need a dress," Sue said, out of the blue. "The wedding is in two days and you have nothing."
"She has a dress," Edward said. I looked at him and shook my head no, somewhat horrified. "It's in the Vanquish, back at the house. I'll get it for you."
"That dress has some pretty special meaning to me," I said. "Not sure if this is the time and place to break it out."
"I just need to see you in it one last time," he said.