CH 37

River collapsed onto the Doctor's chest, breathing heavily.

"Enjoying 'round two'?" He asked smugly.

"Very much so." She murmured, her face flushed.

"Are you sure the baby's still asleep?" He asked cautiously.

"I think so." She whispered, running a hand over her belly, "Why?"

"I'm just checking." He told her. "Imagine what kinds of questions they might ask if they heard us."

"I would rather not." She laughed, nuzzling his chest before sliding off of him and laying down beside him.

"Then what would you like to imagine?" He mused.

She shrugged tiredly, "You first."

He gave this a moment of thought "Freya and Amelia's faces when we introduce them to their new brother or sister." He finally said.

She nodded slightly, "I want to imagine a healthy baby."

He was a little taken back. "Do you think we're going to have an unhealthy baby?" She didn't answer, her gaze shifting away from him. He put a hand to her chin. "River, talk to me."

"With all the problems the baby has had...I don't see how it can possibly be healthy at this point..." She whispered.

"River, the baby's risk of having a deformity or an illness isn't that much higher than a baby who hasn't gone through all the stuff we have." He pressed his forehead to hers. "They will move again and they don't have any deformities from what I've seen on the scanner."

She sighed, nodding slowly, "I know, but still...I can't help but worry."

He wrapped his arms around her. "You're a mother. It's your job to worry."

She smiled weakly, "Yes, you're right."

"It's okay to be scared, River."

"I'm not scared, I just..." She sighed, "Do you ever think maybe we're too old for this?"

"Too old to be parents?" He asked in clarification. She nodded slowly. "No." He answered. "Timelords can potentially live up to over 5000 years old. I just adventure too much and get myself killed too often. I'm only 1473." He thought that maybe it was because she was closer to human than he was that she asked this question.

"But am I too old?" She whispered, talking more to herself than him, "I'm not like you, I'm not going to live for 5000 years." Lately she had noticed her hair getting grayer, the lines around her eyes had become more prominent and the thought of aging had been weighing heavily on her mind. "I'm certainly not young anymore..."

"Well you're certainly not too old to not be able to bear children anymore." He thought aloud. "You have Timelord DNA in you which gives you the ability to regenerate and have a longer lifespan than a regular human per regeneration. For Time Lords, they can live a little less than 400 years in each form and can bear children each regeneration until they've spent about, say, 300 years in that form. For you, an average life span would be about 300 years before you'd regenerate from old age. You can probably bear children until you've spent about 200 years in this form." He concluded.

"Do you have any idea how old I am, Doctor?" She slid off the cot, retrieving her clothes.

He propped himself up on his elbows and looked her up and down. "Including all of your past regenerations..." He thought. He had no idea how long she'd been in her first regeneration, but he knew she'd only been in her second one for about thirty years. "Mm…" He knew she wouldn't look her age since only seemed to be about forty years old if she were a human. "... 150?"

She laughed, "Oh, sweetie. I'm glad you think I'm so young." She certainly looked that young. At least to him she did.

"180?" He guessed again. She shook her head, smoothing out the wrinkles of her dress once it was back on. "Come on. At least give me a hint." He begged, getting up to retrieve his own clothes.

"I'm much, much older than you seem to think I am." She murmured, tossing him his shirt. "Well it can't have been more than 100 years since Berlin seeing as you're, well" He gestured to her midsection. "Unless I got my calculations wrong." He rationalized.

"I've spend over 140 years in this body alone. Fifty when I was Mels and another twenty before that. I'm 210 years old." She stated, ''I think you're misjudging the amount of time we've spent apart."

He didn't know what to say. They had spent the last few decades together, it felt like they'd always lived like this. He'd never gone more than four or five months with visiting her. How could this not have occurred to him?

His silence made her uncomfortable, "I told you, I'm not young anymore." She sighed, sitting down on the cot again.

"It's not that." He looked up at her. Frankly, he didn't care if she was 40 or 4000. "It just... I never realized how much time... how long I left you for." He felt rather angry at himself for doing so.

She smiled weakly, "You always came back though, not matter how long it had been."

"But how long was it?" He couldn't bear the thought of living without her for even six months. How long did me make her wait? A year?

She shook her head, "It doesn't matter anymore. I know you were busy with my parents and you don't always land on the date you meant to."

"River." He said a bit sterner. "How long?"

"I don't know why you want to know so badly. There's nothing you can do to change it now."

"And why not? I shouldn't be so thick as to leave you for so long! I know you were hurt, River. I would've been too." His tone was angry, though it was all directed towards himself.

She flinched, even though his tone was not directed towards her, "You can't change it because I don't want you to."

He sat down next to her, a little stunned. "...Why?"

She looked down at her hands, "Because I don't. Of course all that waiting was hard, and I didn't know if you were coming back, but when you did...it made me appreciate the times you were with me more." She paused, her voice soft when she spoke again, "The longest you ever left me for was for six years. And I didn't know if you were ever coming back. That's when I decided to go back to the University to become a professor. I made friends like Vastra and traveled on my own. I discovered things about myself and about my feelings for you, and I realized that even though it was nice to be free and alone sometimes, I loved you, and I wanted to share my life with you. I may never have fully realized that if I didn't have those years alone."

"Six..." It was hard for him to wrap his mind around it. "Six years." He had only half heard what she had said about finding herself and realizing her love for him. He wanted to slam his head against the wall for being so stupid but instead he looked at her. There was something about the life in her eyes that made him hug her instead. He tried to pour everything into that hug: Trying to make up for those six years, trying to convince her that she wasn't to old to be bearing children, and just his unconditional love for her in general.

"I love you." She whispered, holding him as tightly as she could.

"I don't think I could even survive a month without you." He admitted. "I love you, too. More than you could imagine."

"I missed you so much. I thought you left forever. And when you finally came back, you thought it had only been a few weeks and I couldn't tell you. I knew you'd be upset and try to change it, and that's not what I wanted."

"You're right about that. If it were up to me, I'd go right now and give you back that time." He said firmly.

She shook her head, "I've decided that I don't want that time. I just want you here and now."

He nodded mostly understanding and the part of him that was unsure knew enough to respect her wishes on this. "I can basically assure you that it will never happen ever again."

"It better not. Six years was a long time to go without you."

"And you are so, so strong, for making it through that." He kissed her on the forehead.

She closed her eyes, sighing "I really, really hated you for a while."

"Wait, was this right before that time at Gahain?"

"I suppose so, why?"

"You nearly slapped me because I wanted to buy that hat with the feathers." He pointed out.

"Sweetie, I always nearly slap you when you suggest buying stupid hats." She raised an eyebrow.

"Oi! It wasn't stupid! It had the feathers of the native bird. It was historical and cultural." He huffed. "Anyways. It was quite the over reaction. You yelled at me quite a bit and threatened that I'd sleep on the couch for the rest of my life."

She frowned, "You're making me feel bad."

"Sorry." He said quickly. "I was just putting it together in my head that that was why you were extra mad at me." She nodded, looking away from him. "Darling, what's wrong?" He tried to tilt her head back towards his.

She shook her head, quickly changing the subject, "You know, now that I'm living here, it would be nice to finally get a wedding ring."

"A wedding ring?" He looked down at their hands, taking note the bare ring fingers. "You never wanted one before."

She shrugged, "I never felt that I needed a ring to symbolize our marriage, and I still don't need one. But still...it would be nice to have one."

He smiled, rather liking the idea. "I can arrange that. What kind?"

"Surprise me." She smiled, kissing his hand.

"Alright." He gave the side of her temple a kiss. "But you need to sleep."

She shook her head, "I just slept for over seven hours, I can't sleep now."

"Then do you suppose it's okay to wake the girls?" He asked, remembering how devastated they were about River's 'sleep'.

She nodded, "Yes, I think that would be alright." He stood up from the bed, offering her a hand up. She grasped his hand tightly, easing herself up. The quietly left the room.