Valentine's Day
Happy Valentine's Day, everyone! And, I mean that sarcastically, because A: I'm not actually posting this on Valentine's Day, and B: I don't actually like Valentine's Day.
I'll be honest; women don't like me. My ex-wife, Charlene, liked me but... Well, like I said, she's my ex-wife. But, I'm pretty confident that my daughter, Vanessa, likes me or at least tolerates me. Overall, though, women don't generally like me. I've always wondered why. I mean, I'm smart, I'm handsome, I'm evil. Why don't women like me? And, ever since my divorce, all my girlfriends have either been crazy or hit with inators. Guess that's just my luck, huh?
Perhaps I should try to be more romantic. You know, have candle-lit dinners and buy fancy chocolates and stand on the street holding a can of tuna fish- Uh, ignore that last part. I was thinking of something I saw on TV. Actually, the canned tuna might work. In this one episode of The Fairly Odd Parents, this one character - who has even less dating luck than I do - managed to lure in a rich, single lady by using a can of tuna fish.
Well, I'm gonna go try that. Hope your Valentine's Day is filled with love! Evil love, that is! Oh, and Jet Engine? Sorry I missed your birthday. I'll have Norm send you your present. After I buy your present...