Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries! I just own my OC, Juilet Jordan Gilbert, and any other characters I make up along the way!
Author's Note: Trying to hurry up with the next couple of episodes to get caught up! It's going to be AU for the next few chapters (obviously) just as a heads up!
Enjoy!
We all spent the night in the boarding house. Stefan, Ivan, Elena, Tyler, Matt, Caroline, and I all set up beds in the living room and slept there. It was still dark when I woke up. I didn't want to open my eyes because if I opened my eyes, that meant I'd be awake awake and that meant that I'd have to deal with the reality of Liz's death.
Maybe if I just lay here, the world would either stop turning or go back in time.
I was laying down next to Ivan on the floor. When I finally did open my eyes, they fell on the spot where Caroline was. She was probably just getting a drink of water or took a trip to the bathroom. I tucked my hands underneath my head as my eyes traveled over to where Stefan was sleeping in a chair next to the couch where Elena was sleeping.
I didn't regret what we did, but I felt horrible about the timing. I couldn't believe that while Liz was dying, we were having sex. It made me think of when my own parents were dying, Jeremy and I were laughing over the movie Zombieland.
"You know, if you stare at him hard enough, you'll burn a hole in his head," Ivan whispered, and I felt myself jolt in place.
I didn't take my eyes off of Stefan as I said, "I did a weird thing. And I don't really wanna discuss it with my brother."
"Okay," Ivan said. "Caroline's going to make a list of things for all of us to do. She told me. She's been acting really weird. She's cried a lot but before we went to bed she was fine."
"She's trying to be strong," I whispered. "For everybody else, especially."
"I know," Ivan said. "Anyways, go back to sleep. You'll need as much rest as you can get."
I don't say this all that often and I'd deny it if you ever told him, but Ivan was right.
"You've all asked what you can do to help," Caroline said as Ivan, Stefan, Elena, Matt, Tyler and I all sat in front of her in the living room when we all had finally woken up and gotten ready.
"There are five day's worth of projects on here. We are going to do them in one. We can break the rules and cut through the red tape. I expect my mom to be properly celebrated and buried by the end of the day," Caroline said.
"Sure, Care. Whatever you need," Matt offered, and we all nodded in agreement.
"Elena, Juliet, you two are coming with me," Caroline instructed.
"Where are we going?" Elena asked.
"Casket shopping. Let's move!" Caroline said as she turned around and began walking out the front door. Elena and I scrambled to catch up with her.
"You drive. I sent my car to Jeremy," Elena said to Caroline.
"My car's in the shop," I told Caroline.
"Jeremy!" Caroline gasped as she covered her cheeks. "I forgot to put him on my list of people to call."
"It's okay. I called him," Elena told her.
That was a sad phone call. Elena, Ivan, and I cried with Jeremy over the phone as we mourned Liz.
But we didn't get to be sad right now. We had work to do.
Outside of Archer and Son's Funeral Home, Ms. McGruder was expressing her condolences to Caroline about Liz...but not in a really good way.
"Your mother was such a vibrant woman. Even after your father ran off with that man," Ms. McGruder said.
Elena and I looked over at each other. Time to get Caroline out of that situation. We ran over to Caroline and both wrapped one arm around Caroline. "Thank you, Ms. McGruder. I'm sure we'll see you at the funeral," Elena said as we began leading her away from Ms. McGruder.
"Well, welcome to the world of awkward sympathies," Elena said to Caroline.
I couldn't help but think back to Stefan. I hadn't seen him since I had woken up, and even then, we barely spoke to each other. I didn't exactly make the effort to avoid him, but was he making the effort to avoid me?
"That's why you have to be prepared with your responses. I recommend at least three," Elena went on.
"I don't know how you survived this," Caroline mumbled.
Had he regretted what we'd done? Did he want to take it back? Did he not want it to happen again?
"Your responses will be different for each category of people in your life: friends of circumstance, casual acquaintances, loved ones," Elena said.
"Friends of circumstance, you say 'thank you so much' and move on," I said. "Casual acquaintances, you say 'thank you so much' and a casual comment about your mother, and loved ones, you're free to say whatever you want."
"There's so much to remember," Caroline grumbled to herself.
I wrapped my arm around her and hugged her to my side. "Then it's a good thing you aren't going through this alone."
When we got to the Mystic Falls church, we let Caroline have a few moments alone with her mother's body. I stayed just outside of the room as I leaned by the doorway. Ivan stayed close by her just in case, and I watched her reach over and take his hand.
I felt a presence next to me, and I looked over to see Stefan walking over to me. I instantly felt myself tense, and I blushed slightly. "How is she?" He asked.
"As okay as she can be," I said. "She's taking it strangely in stride. When I lost my parents, I was a total mess."
"Well, maybe bottling it up is just Caroline's way of dealing," Stefan suggested.
I looked over at him. "Are we gonna wait until after the funeral to talk?" I suddenly blurted. I regretted the words as soon as I said them. I closed my eyes and winced.
"Talk about what?" Stefan asked.
"What happened with us," I whispered tensely.
Stefan paused for a second before he said, "I think we should be here for Caroline right now."
I blinked hard to get rid of my tears and nodded. My tears couldn't be for Stefan today. They all belonged to Liz. "Good idea," I said as Elena strode over.
"Hey, they're ready for us," Elena said. She noticed the tension between Stefan and I, I could tell, but she was a good sister and didn't say anything. She nodded her head towards Caroline. "Are you going to call her or will I?"
I took a deep breath as I straightened out my black dress. "I will."
Stefan and Elena left to get into the room where the service would be, and I walked over to where Caroline and Ivan were. "Caroline? They're ready for us. Do you maybe want another minute or something?"
"No, I'm okay," Caroline said as she let go of Ivan's hand and turned to look at her mother's body. "I'm gonna be alright, mom. I promise," She said to Liz, though Caroline knew she wasn't going to get a response. "Everything will be fine after today." She took Ivan's hand again as she turned to me. "I'm ready."
"We are here today to pay our tribute and our respect to a pillar of our community, our sister, our protector, Sheriff Elizabeth Forbes," The Pastor started. "We are also here today to show our love and support for Liz's family and friends.'
I reached over and took Caroline's hand, while Ivan took Caroline's other hand. Police force members walked up to the podium to honour Liz, and they all placed an American flag over her casket.
"Calling Sheriff Forbes. This is the last call for Sheriff Forbes," One of the officers said. "No response. Radio Number 2-6 is out of service after twelve years and four months of police service. Gone, but never forgotten. Center!"
The officers returned to their seats as Damon walked up to do the eulogy Liz asked him to write.
"Liz Forbes was my friend," Damon started. "In her last moments, she asked me to pass along a message to her daughter, but I cut her off before she could say too much. I told her she could tell Caroline herself, but she didn't get that chance." Damon turned to Caroline. "Your mom wanted you to know how proud of you she was, and she should be. You're a beautiful, strong woman, a generous friend, and a bright light in a sea of dark. She said you were extraordinary, and you are, and so was she. Liz was a hero to this town. She was a hero to all of you. And she was a hero to me. Goodbye, Sheriff. You will be missed."
I could feel tears slipping down my face, but I made no move to stop them. Damon's speech was actually really beautiful. I didn't know he had it in him.
He walked back to his seat as Caroline dropped mine and Ivan's hands as she got up to walk to the front. She was planning on singing a song, and I was preparing myself to cry. "Thank you all for coming," She started. "This is for my mom." She cleared her throat before she opened her mouth and sang, "Go in peace. Go in kindness. Go in love. Go in faith. Leave the day. The day behind us. The day is done. Go in grace. Let us go into the dark. Not afraid. Not alone. Let us hope by some good pleasure. Safely to. Arrive at home."
I was full on sobbing now, and I felt a hand on mine. I looked from the hand up to who the hand belonged to, and I gave Stefan a watery smile as he tried to comfort me.
But truly, he couldn't. Liz Forbes was dead. Nothing was right in the world.
I grabbed Stefan's hand after we had all gotten to the grill for the refreshments and pulled him off to the side. "Okay, I know this is absolutely the worst time to start this but I need to know right now. Do you regret what we did?"
Stefan didn't answer, but instead reached over and pressed a kiss to my lips. I eagerly returned it but it only lasted a few seconds before he pulled back. "What made you think I regretted it?"
I shrugged slightly. "I don't know. You kind of wouldn't talk to me afterwards and I don't know...We just chose to have sex for the first time ever while Liz was dying."
"I don't regret it," Stefan repeated. "I just didn't want to bring it up in lieu of the events going on. I thought that you didn't want to either, since you were avoiding me."
"To be honest, I thought you were avoiding me," I said.
"So, where does this leave us?" Stefan asked.
"Well, I meant what I said that day," I said. "I'm tired of pretending that I don't love you. I've made up my mind. I want to be with you."
Stefan broke out into a huge grin. He reached up and cupped the back of my neck. "I want to be with you, too."
"Okay, then, this is it," I said as I did the same to him. "Let's not screw it up again."
Stefan nodded. "This is it. You and me."
"You and me," I repeated as we leaned our foreheads on each other. We both closed our eyes, just relishing in the moment, before we opened our eyes again. We smiled again, and the two of us met for a kiss. And we just kissed for a little while.
Okay, maybe not everything was wrong in the world. Maybe sometimes, you just had to look for what was right.
Caroline walked through the door and placed the flag on a table. She took her mom's sweater and put it to her nose, taking a deep sniff to relish the smell of her mother before she put it back down. She sighed when she felt a prescence behind her, knowing who it was.
"I said I was fine, Elena," Caroline sighed.
"I don't believe you," Elena protested. "And don't think you can kick me out because Juliet is on her way and you know you can't resist Juliet."
Caroline turned around as Elena continued. "All day, something has been bugging me. You wanted to pack this all in so quickly like you had somewhere you needed to be. I mean, you were so concerned with getting through today without a hint of how you'd feel tomorrow. And then I realized. You don't want to feel tomorrow. That's the plan, right? You're not going to feel tomorrow because you're going to turn it all off."
"I thought I could get through the rough patch and just pick myself up after like I usually do, but then Damon made me realize it's just going to get worse," Caroline explained.
"You listened to Damon?" Elena asked.
"I can't do worse, Elena, okay?" Caroline practically exploded. "I didn't even think there was a worse. It's better this way."
"Better?" Elena asked in disbelief. "Care, you're talking about flipping the humanity switch. There's nothing better about that."
"That is your experience, okay?" Caroline defended as she started straightening up her home. "I have more control over my vampire side than you ever did. My experience will be different."
"It's not gonna be different, Care. It's gonna be deadly. You saw what happened to me when I did it," Elena tried again.
"Yeah, that's my point, Elena!" Caroline exclaimed. "You did it. You couldn't handle the pain when your brother died, so you turned it off. Damon died, and you erased all your memories. Stefan moved to Savannah and became an auto mechanic. What, do you think that you guys are the only ones who get to escape grief?"
"You just mentioned two of the biggest mistakes that I ever made," Elena said breathlessly.
"Were they mistakes? Because when you came out the other end, the worst part of the pain was gone, and that's what I need. I just need the pain to be gone," Caroline explained.
Elena gave Caroline a hard glare. "So you could just do that to us?To your friends? To my brother?" Caroline's eyes widened slightly at the mention of Ivan. "Ivan is your boyfriend. Don't you know what this will do to him? If you shut off your emotions, you'll kill him."
"Ivan will understand," Caroline tried to reason. "His parents are dead. I'm pretty sure if he had the choice he would have done the same." Caroline's face crumpled as she began to cry. "My mom is dead, Elena. I-It hurts so bad, I can't breathe. I can't-I can't do worse. I can't, okay? I shouldn't have to."
"No one should have to. It's not fair. It's not. I get it. I do," Elena said as she reached forward and pulled Caroline into a hug. "And I know you think that you have it all figured out, but please listen to me. I'm not gonna let you do this."
Caroline let herself have that one moment. That one moment to cry and lose herself in her grief and let herself be comforted by her best friend. And then, she did it. She flipped the switch.
Emotionless, Caroline brought her hands around Elena's neck and turned it sharply to the side, breaking it. Elena's neck snapped, temporarily killing her. Caroline let her drop to the ground.
"That's not your choice to make," Caroline whispered to the body of her friend.
Hand in hand, Stefan and I walked up the steps of Caroline's house. Elena had texted me, saying that she wanted us to spend the night with Caroline at her house. I had no problem with it at all so I agreed. Stefan was going to stay for a little with us and then go home.
I almost couldn't believe it. After so long, we were finally back together. It just goes to show that as long as you stayed positive in a bad situation, good things will happen. I was so happy to be back with Stefan, but right now, Caroline needed me.
I dug out the key I had to Caroline's house, unlocked the door, and walked in. "Caroline? Elena? I'm here! Stefan's with me!" I called into the house as we walked inside. "Caroline?" I tried again when I didn't get a response. We walked into the living room, and I gasped when I saw Elena on the ground. "Ellie!" I cried out as I dropped down next to her. Stefan called out for Caroline again while I assessed Elena. It looked like she had her neck snapped.
I looked back up at Stefan. "I can't find Caroline," He said.
I looked down at Elena, and it clicked. "You know what this means," I said as Stefan crouched down. I looked over at Stefan as the realization hit him as well
"She turned it off," He finished.
TBC...
Only a couple episodes to catch up on! I'm so excited!
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The Downward Spiral...
While Juliet is 100% ready to celebrate the return of Bonnie, she's faced with the threat of no-humanity Caroline, a sight that shocks Juliet to the core. Juliet, Stefan, and Elena come up with a plan to fix the problem, but it goes horribly wrong. When Caroline figures out just how much of a threat Juliet really is, she makes a plan of her own to fix her problem.