"What's so funny?"

"Nothing…thinking." House said trying to grasp the last of his thoughts as Wilson unwittingly scattered them.

"About?" Wilson asked. House made a face and shook his head. Saved to memory for access later.

"Nothing. Ready to have a drink?" House said in usual distracted fashion. Wilson stared at his scattered friend. And they were getting together to catch up after House's intermittent absence.

"Maybe two." Wilson said, giving House a disapproving look as he rubbed the back of his neck. House glanced in his direction.

"Sorry. I was elsewhere."

"Back now?" Wilson's eyebrows rose, punctuating his hopes for an answer.

House nodded. "It was a short trip. I had to rethink something."

"Let me guess, you can't stop replaying the catfight?" Wilson said, leaning back in the set with an amused smile on his face.

"What's so funny?"

"You! Two grown women fighting over you in the parking lot and you couldn't be more proud of yourself."

"What makes you think it was about me?"

"Because Cuddy said…"

"Oh take her word for it!" House sulked. Wilson stared at his friend in amazement.

"House I spoke to Cuddy right before she left for lunch. She was angry you'd missed your clinic hours. Then she runs in to you in the parking lot and the rest is history. I don't care what she and Jesse said to one another about anything else. Seeing you in the Scheulling personal vehicle was enough to push Cuddy over the edge and Jesse wasn't about to sit there and watch you catch hell from her." Wilson shook his head. "I wish I had your luck."

"You don't need my luck. You show up for work early." House snarked.

"You know what I mean." Wilson saw an opportunity. "Cuddy's got her tail tucked. The annual endowment from Antha Scheulling is due." Wilson waited. House said nothing. "Cuddy's terrified her outburst this morning may have cost the hospital millions of dollars and she may have to…go begging to you…"

"To me?" House almost went through the red light as Wilson leveled that bit of news on him. "I have nothing to do with…"

"Oh yes you do!" Wilson argued, laughing at House. "You've caught the newly widowed eye of one of the richest women on the planet. You've got to think like they think, House." Wilson saw a chance to enlighten his friend on an aspect of women that probably never occurred to him. "Cuddy and Jesse already have prior issues over sharing a man. And guess who landed himself smack in the middle of them, this morning in the parking lot specifically. They were eyeing each other throughout the benefit and it didn't look friendly. Cuddy kept her mouth shut because of the money, until she got you alone the next morning. When you asked Jesse about it she has to have known where that bit of information came from." Wilson watched the expression on House's face change as the realization hit him.

He'd brought this on himself when he confronted Jesse. And Wilson was going on about what was already racing through House's mind as the light bulb flickered on. "I handed Cuddy to her on a platter."

"She already had Cuddy on a platter when she assumed control of the entire Scheulling fortune. All you did was give her a reason to pick up the carving knife!" Wilson shook his head. "Apparently she didn't think it was worth her time to start cutting until this morning. And guess who gave her the only reason she needed."

"Cuddy started it." House interrupted. Wilson could only stare at his friend and smile.

"You sound like a kid on the playground that got caught picking a fight."

"All I did was show up for work…" House attempted to argue.

"Three hours late in your girlfriend's silver Rolls Royce."

"Girlfriend! Now who's sounding like a kid?"

"House, you can call her whatever you like." Wilson tried to calm his decidedly irate friend before they got to the club. "You were driving the Scheulling Rolls Royce. Those keys may as well be the keys to the kingdom in Cuddy's eyes. Like I said…from their point of view these women have already had issues over the same man for a quarter century. And when the newly widowed Jesse resurfaces, guess who decides that's just the ticket for him? And you're an employee of? And your boss's salary depends on…" Wilson painted a clear picture as House glanced out the corner of his eye at his astute friend.

"I didn't start this. I had nothing to do with it." House tried in his defense.

"No you didn't" Wilson agreed. "For once, you're completely innocent of inciting anything. These women already had something to fight about before you wandered square in the middle of them and made yourself at home." Wilson chuckled at his friend's predicament. "All you did was manage through no fault of your own, to give them a reason to start round two." House pulled into the parking lot and glared at his friend. Damn Wilson for being such an expert on the female mind.

"I'm sure they both have better things to do than use me as a pawn on their chess board." House argued, trying to convince himself.

Wilson nodded. But he enjoyed watching his friend squirm for a change. It was fun. It was funny. For all the times he'd tried and failed to create havoc in the past, House had landed himself neck deep without even trying. "I'm sure they do too. But there's the annual endowment…and here you are…and they could bat you back and forth like a catnip toy for the next quarter century if you last that long!" Wilson burst into laughter as House glared at him.

"Are you saying I can't handle it? A little snarling and snapping…from two rabid poodles?" House dared him defiantly.

I'd say from this morning's opening round at least one of them is ready to come out swinging. You said I let mine off the leash this morning. You don't even have a leash for yours!" Wilson was enjoying this too much. "I'd like to see you try to leash…"

"Shut up!" House snapped. Wilson only laughed harder. "I invited you out for this?" House thought for a moment, while his friend's laughter died down to a snicker. Wilson was wrong about Jesse, House thought. No, he knew. House recalled Jesse's words that morning to Cuddy. She didn't play little girl games. The things Wilson talked about were beneath a woman like Jesse. Wilson was wrong. Just like he was continually wrong about House.

Jesse didn't require a leash. She was above it. They hadn't been fighting for a quarter of a century. Cuddy may have been poking at windmills. Jesse had better things to do with her time…like honing the ability to make someone choke with a simple suggestion. House winced at the thought of it while he felt Wilson's eyes on him

"Have you got yourself under control now?" House asked, glaring at him.

"Oh, I think so. Enough to have a fun evening with you and you new lady, and I won't even try to wreak havoc on your relationship the way you do mine. I think it will be fun enough to watch you deal with this all by yourself." Wilson smiled getting out of the car. House smiled to himself as he stepped out of the vehicle.

Go ahead and laugh about it. Go ahead and think it'll be a fun evening sniping at him and Jesse. He hadn't gotten a close look at the twins yet or they at him…

Chapter 37