"Come on Kari, you can do better than that," Natasha teased as she feinted a jab at my left side. I ignored it, standing my ground waiting for an actual move.
If there was one thing I'd learnt from all these months with sparring with Natasha. She was as much of a tease in fighting as she was in real life. She loved to throw imaginary moves and then quickly change tactics halfway through. Its what made her so deadly. It was so easy to fall into her trap and get your ass handed to you.
Natasha stepped in towards me again, turning slightly so she could drive her elbow into me. Just as she moved, I shifted and found my leg behind hers. I quickly hooked my ankle and gave her leg a good yank. The momentum was enough to send her tumbling backwards. Stupidly, we were right on the edge of the mats. Natasha flailed for a second before falling onto her back. Her head hit the floor with a loud crack. Her eyelids fluttered for a second and I thought she was going to pass out.
"Oh fuck," I instantly scrambled down beside her. She was still conscious thankfully. But she didn't look great. She'd gone pale as she lay there blinking rapidly. "Are you ok?"
"Ow," Natasha said weakly. "That really hurt."
"I'm sorry," I cringed. "Can you get up?"
"Da," Natasha held her hand out for help. I gripped it and helped her into a sitting position. As soon as she was off her back she groaned and buried her head into her hands. "Shit that was a sneaky move. I didn't even see your leg there."
"Do you want me to get Coulson?" I had no idea what else to do. For Natasha not to get up straight away was bad news. Natasha showing she was in pain was a very bad thing. She barely flinched when Clint smacked her full force. So this must be absolutely killing her head to give me this reaction.
"He won't be in yet," Natasha's voice was muffled behind her hands. "Just ring Clint, get me to Laura. Please don't send me to medical."
The last part came out as a very quiet plea. I'd never heard Natasha sound so vulnerable before.
"Ok, I'll get Jared too," I quickly got up and ran over to my gym bag. I fumbled with unlocking the screen. Just as I got into my favourites list Clint walked into the gym. He took one look at the scene and dug his own phone out of his pocket.
"Ring Jared and tell him to get here now," Clint's voice left no room for arguments. I nodded while he hit a number on his phone. The person, who I assumed was Laura, picked up instantly. "Hey, I'm bringing Natasha over. She's hit her head pretty hard."
I pressed my own phone to my ear. Jared picked up after the first ring.
"Someone better be dying," sleep still clouded my twins voice. "Or offering me something really good."
"I need you in the gym, Natasha slipped and hit her head," I cringed at Jared's poor taste of wording choice. "She won't go to medical."
"Shit," a thump could be heard on the other end of the phone. "Two seconds."
I didn't bother to hang up. True to his word, Jared appeared in the room just as I made my way back where Natasha was still sitting with Clint beside her now. Her head hadn't moved from her hands still.
"Footsteps are loud," Natasha groaned. "It's too bright in here."
I crouched down next to Natasha and placed my hand on her back tentatively. She didn't shrug me off. Guilt clawed at me for what I'd just done. I should have just backed off instead of doing that so close to the edge. I'd been so close to beating her lately I had been trying every single trick she's shown me to beat her.
"Nat," Jared lent down and placed his hands on her arms. "I'm going to take you back to Clint's place. Can you grab my hand?"
Natasha's hand appeared from the tangle of limbs that was her arms. Jared gripped her hand and they were both gone. I let out a shaky breath and fell back onto my ass on the floor.
"Well, this is just going to fuck with tonight," Clint fell back next to me. "Nat was meant to be on a mission with Coulson."
Shit. She was too. Natasha and Coulson were heading to a fundraiser hosted by Stark Industries. Coulson had no luck with actually pinning Stark down for a debrief. The plan for tonight was simple, try and push Pepper Potts into actually scheduling a proper meeting. The likelihood of seeing Tony Stark himself was pretty slim. Ever since his press conference he'd been laying very low. No one had seen him in months.
"Riley has dinner plans for us too," I knew exactly where Clint was going with this. I was going to have to stand in for Natasha tonight. Fuck me this was going to end up being a mess.
"Sorry to say but there's no chance these guns are squeezing into that tiny dress of Nat's" Clint chuckled as he flexed his arm muscles. I shook my head at him and ignored his attractive arms. He'd been upping his upper body routine in the gym again. Dad had promised his new prototype bow in the next 2 weeks. Even I had to admit his arms looked more fantastic than usual.
"What are my chances Coulson will find someone instead of me?" I bit my lip hoping Clint had the answer I wanted. "Riley said tonight is a surprise."
"Depends how nicely you ask," Clint gave me a sympathetic look. "Welcome to the life of a SHIELD Agent. Your entire personal life can get thrown on hold in mere seconds."
Wasn't that the truth. I counted myself lucky that Riley didn't care if I had to go away. Or we seemed to be really lucky to be able to go together.
"I'll ring Coulson," Clint pushed himself to his feet. "The sooner we get this mess sorted out the better."
I was very glad Clint was ringing Coulson. I didn't want to be on the end of that awkward silence that was going to happen for that phone call. I don't think Coulson would ever believe I'd knocked Natasha on her ass either. At least coming from Clint it was somewhat believable.
"Kari and Nat did something stupid," Clint announced into his phone as soon as Coulson answered. "Jared is just taking Nat home to Laura."
Ugh. I wasn't going to stand here and listen to this conversation. I got up and walked back over to my gym bag and pulled out my bottle of water. I pulled my own phone out of my bag and sent Riley a text.
I might be working tonight :( just gave Nat a concussion.
The message came up as read straight away. Riley must have either not gone to the gym yet, or he'd gotten his ass out of bed this morning not long after me and have been already done. Like us at the moment, Bravo team were fairly quiet again. There were rumours that they'd be heading overseas soon so they were enjoying the peace and quiet while it lasted.
Did I just read that right?
I rolled my eyes at the smart ass reply I got from Riley. Another message came through a second later.
Can you try your best to get out of it?
I frowned at Riley's reply. Usually he was so understanding and didn't ever ask that question. My fingers tapped over the screen quickly as I typed back.
Maybe? I don't know. I'll let you know what happens.
"Whats up?" Clint's voice made my look up from my phone. He was finished on the phone and standing next to me.
"Nothing," I shrugged. "Well, kind of something. Riley asked if I could try and get out of working. He never asks that."
"Maybe where ever he's booked is hard to get reservations at?" Clint just shrugged. "I wouldn't worry about it Kari."
"Maybe," I wrinkled my nose. As usual I was reading too much into things. But there was something that was annoying me about Riley's reply. I just couldn't put my finger on it. "What did Coulson say?"
"He said to go wait for him in the office so he can give us a SHIELD credit card," Clint's face broke out into a mischievous grin. "Because you now need to find a dress, shoes and handbag for tonight."
"And I'm guessing you want to kick my ass before Coulson gets here because he'll be at least another hour?" I knew the drill all too well. I dropped my phone back into my bag without any protest. We'd all take turns in sparring with each other of a morning now I was fitter. I could actually put up a half decent defence these days too. It was a far cry from being too scared to actually punch either one of them when I first started training with the pair of them.
As soon as Clint finished putting my ass on the floor several times, we both went up to Coulson's office. Just as we arrived, Coulson was just pushing open the door. As soon as he spotted me, he shook his head.
"I never thought I'd have to scold you over knocking your teammates out during sparring," Coulson teased. I grinned and blushed at the same time as we followed Coulson in the door. His office was its usual state of parts of it being immaculately clean. Then there was small spots of disorganised chaos. The chaos seemed to be contained to his desk for the moment.
Coulson walked over to the safe in the wall and pressed his thumb to it. The small metallic box beeped and then swung open. I peered over the curiously. I'd never seen Coulson actually open the safe before. There wasn't much in there besides a heap of folders that I could see. Somewhere from in there Coulson pulled out a small black credit card.
"Kari, I'm leaving this in your capable hands," Coulson turned back around. He held the card in his fingers, not ready to walk over and relinquish it just yet. "Last time I trusted Barton with it, he lost it within an hour. You will provide receipts and not use it to buy lunch. Dress, shoes, handbag, makeup and jewellery. Nothing else."
By the tone Coulson was using it felt like a scene out of Star Wars. I was half expecting him to wave his hands next and tell me these aren't the droids I'm looking for. I bit my lip and just nodded. If I said anything I was going to burst out laughing. When Mom used her powers to get Jared and I to do something we didn't want to, or to ignore something, we'd do exactly that to her.
"What about finding someone to do my hair?" I got myself under control enough not to burst out laughing.
"Yeah that's fine," Coulson walked over and reluctantly relinquished the credit card to me. Clint made a half hearted attempt to snatch it out of my fingers. I stomped on his foot and side stepped around his snapping fingers. Clint didn't flinch at my weight on his foot. He just laughed.
"Sneaky," Clint laughed. "I'll do your make up again if you want. What time are we leaving?"
"We?" Coulson looked at Clint with a furrowed brow. "Who said you were coming?"
"Please Phil?" Clint pouted. "If I don't get something soon I'm going to go crazy. I'd rather dress up and be walking around the room all night instead of stuck at home."
I snorted at the sight of Clint pouting. He did have a point though. While I'd gotten to go on the mission with Bravo team last week, Clint hadn't done anything in weeks. I was surprised he hadn't resorted to start blowing up his archery targets out of boredom yet.
"Fine," Coulson sighed in defeat. "Buy a new suit too. I don't trust you not to wear something that doesn't have bullet holes or blood stains on it. Kari I'm trusting you to be the responsible one here."
"Why does that sound familiar?" I glanced down at the credit card. I nearly dropped it in surprise as I realised what I was holding. I thought the Amex Centurion card was a myth. I certainly didn't expect to ever see one, let alone be holding one, in my lifetime.
"Be careful with that," Coulson stressed again. "You have no idea how painful it is to get those things replaced."
"I will."
It was the only promise I could make. I could see Coulson shooting me if I didn't guard this card with my life.
"Go," Clint waved his hand in dismissal. "We're flying out of here at 1500. There's a room booked for the night so we'll get dressed there."
I didn't need to be told twice. Neither did Clint. He beat me out of the door and we both hurried back down the hallway. It was 0810. We were both going to need all morning to shop and get our shit together. As we came to the elevator I stopped in my tracks.
"Fuck," I cringed. "I was meant to try and get out of this tonight."
"He'll forgive you," Clint reassured me. "He knows how it works Kari. Besides, we're only gone for tonight. He should be able to rebook where ever it is with enough notice."
"Still," I pulled my phone out of my pocket and started to type the message out informing Riley of the bad news. "I feel bad. He's been going out of his way to be even more amazing than usual since Sarah showed up."
In the week Sarah had been and gone, Riley really had gone out of his way to spoil me. Despite me telling him to stop it. And to stop feeling guilty over Sarah arriving announced like that. It wasn't his fault. Part of me knew that if I was in Sarah's shoes I probably would have done the same thing. At least she and her son had made it to her parents in California safely.
"I'm so impressed with how you handled that," Clint hit the button to take us down to the locker rooms. We'd both need a shower and change of clothes before we did this. "I would have lost my shit so badly if I was in your shoes."
"Trust me, internally I wasn't coping with it," I said dryly leaning against the wall with my arms crossed. "But what the hell can I do about it?"
"Go and shoot people seems like a perfect way to blow off steam," Clint joked with a small chuckle. "How are you going with the aftermath of that?"
"Fine," I wasn't lying when I said that either. I'd barely thought about the mission with Bravo team. There'd been no bad dreams. No lingering guilt over what I'd done. The only lasting impression from the mission with the fist sized bruise on my shoulder from not quite tucking the CheyTac in properly. Riley had been sympathetic about the bruises. He'd made sure I'd kept it iced for the first few days and gently rubbed Arnica gel into it. I'd seen him come home with the exact same bruise sometimes when he got careless.
"Good," Clint gave me a small smile and nod of approval. "I told you it'd get easier."
The elevator finally arrived on the floor. It had the usual handful of other agents in there. They all ignored us and we stepped into the box. I checked my phone briefly as the doors closed. I hadn't gotten a message back from Riley yet.
"So where are we going?" I asked Clint as a distraction from the fact Riley hadn't sent a text back. He was probably in the gym. Or doing PT with his team. I should stop worrying about it. Riley would understand. He always did. Sometimes I took it for grated and I was always worried it might blow up in my face.
"There's a few fancy boutique type places," Clint checked his watch. "We'll try Ann's Boutique first. It's about half an hour drive but they usually have a really good selection of dresses and suits there."
"You can drive since you know where you're going," I said instantly.
I'd been in DC 7 months now and I barely knew my way around still. Until someone developed a heads up display GPS in my helmet, I wouldn't go anywhere I didn't know.
"Yeah like I'd ride bitch on your bike with you," Clint laughed at me. The elevator door opened to the garage. "Lets go."
It took half an hour to reach where we were going across town. Another hour to find a dress that fit me and that they actually had in stock. I'd flicked past the heavily sequinned turquoise mermaid dress. But Clint pulled it off the rack and pushed it into my hands. I hated to admit it looked gorgeous. But I still wasn't sold on the idea it looked gorgeous on me. At least it made me look like I had some killer curves. It was in my size and it fit perfectly. I was so glad I didn't have to pay for it myself. The price tag on it made me choke in surprise when I dared to glance at it. Clint even found a sharp navy blue suit that didn't need any adjustment. For something that was meant to take us a few hours, we got out of it fairly easily. The only thing playing on my mind was that I still hadn't heard back from Riley. My constant checking my phone got on Clint's nerves and he repeatedly told me to stop before he threw my phone out of the window.
We quickly stopped at Clint's place to check on Natasha. She was fast asleep in what was her room, breathing deeply and looking at peace. Laura was working on her laptop in the room with keeping a close eye on things. Laura had specifically called into work sick to keep an eye on her. Jared was asleep on the couch in the lounge room apparently having worked late last night. Or so he told Laura when he and Natasha arrived. He didn't stir at all when Clint and I walked in so we just left him alone. A sleep deprived Jared was a very cranky Jared. Even though I'd barely seen him lately I wasn't going to wake him up. Clint threw a few things in an overnight bag and we were heading to my place in less than 15 minutes.
When we got there, Clint followed me up into the apartment. He'd finally gotten sick of me constantly checking on my phone and taken it off me. The front door was still locked, meaning Riley hadn't come home yet.
"What if he's mad at me?" I sighed heavily and threw my gym bag down by the door. I didn't bother taking my shoes off. It'd only take me a few minutes to grab everything I need. I had a hair appointment in an hour anyway and I still needed to go and steal the Jimmy Choo's I got Natasha for Christmas to wear tonight. I wouldn't need a handbag. I wasn't going to be carrying anything on me.
"If he was mad at you, he would be arguing with you," Clint groaned and gave me a shove. "For fuck sake, stop worrying about it and go and get your shit."
Ok, maybe I was being a bit too overreactive about this. I took a deep breath to calm myself down. I walked into the bedroom leaving Clint to flop down on the lounge. As I walked in the door I stopped dead in my tracks. On the bed was a single red rose and a note on my pillow. All worry instantly vanished and my insides turned into a puddle of goo. I bounced up to the bed and snatched both the rose and the note up.
I'm not mad at you! I got called away on a mission too and I'm off grid for a few days. Dinner is rebooked. I miss you already and I love you very much.
The rose was fresh and smelt beautiful. I clutched it to my chest grinning like the love sick fool I was. I normally wasn't a flower girl. But the sweet gesture Riley had just gone to, and probably made himself very late, was just so him. It was better than just getting a text message.
"Hurry up!" Clint's voice snapped me back down to Earth. I hurriedly threw enough clothes in my bag for tonight and ducked to the bathroom to grab my make up case. This mission really wasn't such a bad thing. Now I'd at least have tonight to keep me occupied until Riley came home.
I covered my mouth to hide the fact I was yawning in the corner. Only an hour into this function and I was bored already. The whirlwind of preparation to get ready and get here for tonight had left no time to eat. I was starving and sipping on a glass of champagne that was going straight to my head.
Clint was on the other side of the room knocking back a scotch on the rocks. I really longed to go over there and smack him on the back of the head for ruining a perfectly good scotch by adding ice to it. Coulson was hanging by the bar looking as bored as both of us. So far neither Pepper or Tony had made an appearance. Obadiah Stane was mingling around the crowd, along with a few other Stark Industries board members. Other than those I'd seen in the briefing file, I had no idea of anyone else here. I snuck a look at the clock behind me. God it was only 2230. This thing didn't finish until the small hours of the morning. It felt like we'd been here all night already. Except it'd only been 2 hours. I absently twirled the champagne around in the glass. The tight french knot I had my hair up in was starting to give me a headache. Clint had done an amazing natural look with my make up this time. I looked like a completely different person than last time Stark saw me. Which was the point, as Clint had informed me while he did my make up in the bathroom at the Ritz.
"You need to stop looking like you want to kill someone," Clint's voice whispered in my ear. It took every ounce of my self control not to jump in surprise. I swear he'd just been across the room a few seconds ago.
"I'm so bored," I smiled through my gritted teeth. "People keep gawking at me."
I tried not to pull at the sequins on the dress as I spoke. It really was an amazing dress but I still thought it didn't look quite right on me. But it hadn't stopped me getting a fair bit of attention from the males in the room tonight.
"I can fix that," Clint grabbed my hand. "Come dance with me."
"Oh hell fucking no Hawk," I tried to tug my hand out of his. Clint's grip was far too strong. "I'm not dancing with you."
"It's either dance, or guys are going to come over here and start asking if you want a drink or a dance," Clint started to walk away, leaving me with no choice but to follow him. "Besides, someone just showed up."
Clint inclined his head towards the bar. In my inattentiveness I'd completely missed Stark walking in. He was currently standing at the bar, looking like he was half paying attention to what Coulson was saying. I followed his line of sight to whoever he was staring at. All I could see was curly strawberry blonde hair in a backless blue dress. It took me a second longer than it should have to realise it was Pepper Potts. I hadn't noticed her arriving either. Fuck I really needed to pay more attention. Tony finished speaking to Coulson and was heading straight towards Pepper.
"Lets see what they're saying," Clint dropped his voice. "At least smile and act like you're interested in dancing with me."
"You'll break my toes," I smiled sweetly at Clint, even if I did want to throttle him. We walked past Tony and Pepper who were still having a conversation. "And Natasha will kill us both if you mark these shoes."
"Unlike you, I have a sense of coordination," Clint teased me with a smart grin. We reached the dance floor and he pulled me in close to him. His right arm came down on my hip and pulled me so we were nearly toe to toe. At least I was well trained enough to grab his left hand and mimic his steps. I wasn't completely clumsy. Dad had shown me how to dance years ago to be passable enough for formal functions. Clint instantly took the lead and kept it simple so I could follow. He casually floated us around past a few other couples. Dammit Clint could actually dance. Now I had nothing to tease him about.
"I hate you right now," I tried to be mad but I couldn't stop smiling. "Here I was thinking you'd be 2 left feet and we'd end up making fools of ourselves."
"Funnily enough, there's actually a subject at the Academy which is compulsory," Clint laughed quietly with me. "Ballroom dancing. It's a great way to surveillance a room. Speaking of which."
Clint led us closer to another couple. Tony and Pepper were dancing, with Pepper looking extremely uncomfortable and embarrassed. We'd gotten close enough to hear them. But not so close that it looked like we were eavesdropping.
"Oh no, I always forget to wear deodorant and dance with my boss in a room full of people I work with in a dress with no back," Pepper sounded as embarrassed as she looked.
"Well, you look great, you smell great. But I could fire you if that would take the edge off," Tony joked. They were speaking so quietly between them it was hard to make out what they were saying. Clint was watching out of the corner of his eye trying to stay discreet. I don't think the pair would have noticed us anyway. They were so wrapped up in dancing with each other.
"I don't think you could tie your shoes without me," Pepper joked. The tension starting to ease out of her shoulders. She lent closer into Tony as they danced.
"I'd make it a week," Tony sounded so sure of himself. Whatever he'd been doing these last few months he certainly looked a lot healthier than when I saw him last.
"A week, really?" the smile on Pepper's face grew at the small joke between them. "Whats your social security number?"
Who the hell remembers their social security number? I could remember for Air Force service number off the top of my head. But my social security number was written down in a few hundred places so I couldn't lose it. It seems Tony had the same problem as me. It took him about 5 seconds of racking his brain before he came up with an answer.
"Five," Tony's voice sounded a little strangled as he got one number out.
"Five?" Pepper's smile grew even more. Tony was right, she looked absolutely radiant tonight. "You're missing just a couple of digits."
In front of me Clint was biting his lip to contain his own humour.
"Right, the other eight. I have you for the other eight," Tony just smiled back at Pepper.
"Ugh I'm done," Clint lent forward towards me. "They aren't doing anything exciting except Tony looks like he wants to go bone his assistant. How cliche."
Clint dropped his hand off my hip and led me off the dance floor. We found Coulson still standing at the bar with his arms crossed. He was frowning over at where we'd just been dancing. I glanced over there and saw Pepper and Tony both leaving the dance floor and heading towards the balcony.
"Did you finally pin him down?" Clint asked.
"Yes but I have this strange feeling that conversation wasn't about out meeting on the 27th," Coulson looked to Clint for confirmation.
"No it definitely wasn't, but I found out Stark's social security number has a 5 in it," Clint grinned. "Can we go?"
"Yes we can," Coulson breathed out a sigh of relief. "I'm ordering room service and turning my phone off for tonight. Don't trash your rooms. Remember check out is at 10am."
Clint and I behaved ourselves and didn't trash our hotel rooms. By the time we got home it was Saturday afternoon. Natasha was feeling better but hadn't moved far from the couch or bed since we were gone. Jared left for another mission before I got back. At least he'd sent me a text this time to let me know. Apparently my twin was feeling a bit guilty for not being around much these last few months. I didn't mind. It was no different from when I was in the Air Force.
What was left of the weekend rolled into a very lazy time for all of us. Natasha and I spent most of it curled up on the couch watching movies together. Lila and Cooper both had sleepovers, which I'm sure Laura had organised to keep the house quiet for Natasha. I hadn't bothered going back to my empty apartment. It was just a reminder that Riley wasn't home yet.
Monday morning came far too soon after a relaxing weekend. Natasha still didn't feel up to coming into work. It just left Clint and I to spar, work out and then come back to his place for the rest of the day.
Tuesday came and went with much of the same. I was hoping Riley would have been home by now. At least finished the mission. But my phone was silent. Whatever they were doing must have taken longer than anticipated. I went home long enough to grab some clean clothes and straight back to Clint's. Laura had to go back to work tonight and I was more than happy to help with the kids. Not that Clint needed it much. Lila and Cooper were so well trained that they'd go have a bath and into bed with minimal protests. Cooper was a good big brother and even got Lila ready for bed most nights. All I had to do was make sure no one drowned at bath time. Tuck them both in and kiss them good night.
Wednesday passed the same except for Natasha coming to work and trying out a light workout. Her head could handle the motions of a gentle jog on the treadmill without too many worries. We all celebrated with ice cream afterwards.
Thursday had me starting to get worried about the lack of contact from Riley. I knew he was off grid. But this was nearly a week he was gone now. Something must not be going well at all. My suspicions were confirmed when Coulson called the three of us into his office.
"STRIKE Team Bravo have gotten themselves into a tangle," Coulson said as soon as the door clicked closed behind Natasha. "They need immediate help and an extraction. I need you guys in the air within half an hour and I'll brief you on the flight there via video comm. Any questions?"
"Where are we flying to?" My stomach formed an uncomfortable knot as the words sunk in. No wonder I hadn't heard from Riley yet. What the hell was happening there that they were sending us in to help? It couldn't be good if it was STRIKE Team Delta having to go in.
"Syria," Coulson kept his facial expression neutral. "Nat, are you fine to travel?"
"Yep," as if to prove a point Natasha turned on her heel and marched straight for the door. "Meet you in the hanger."
I didn't wait for anything else from Coulson. I went straight after Natasha. I needed to get changed out of my sweaty gym clothes and head straight for the hanger to pre-flight. Hopefully with the urgency we needed to leave someone would already have a Quinjet powered up and ready to go. All I could think of right now was Riley.
"He'll be fine," Natasha's words broke through my hurried thoughts. "Just push everything from your mind right now and concentrate on getting us there. We'll get cleared for priority so you can push the Quinjet as fast as needed. You like doing that."
I chuckled briefly. Yep she was right there. I'd played around with speeds of up to Mach 1.92 in the Quinjet. It still felt like it was an easy cruising speed despite travelling at 1457MPH. If I was cleared to fly that fast I could be there in a few hours. The massive range on the fuel tanks of the Quinjet meant I'd only need to find somewhere within 500 miles to refuel before we came back to DC. We could be there in 5 hours.
Getting changed and into the Quinjet was a hurried blur. Nothing really focused on my mind until I was actually in the air and heading out over the open ocean watching the speed on the Quinjet climb higher. I didn't ease the throttle back at all until we were sitting on Mach 1.7.
"Kari, do you want to listen to the mission brief or just have us fill you in?" Clint asked, breaking through my concentration.
"Just fill me in," I checked my altitude. If I climbed higher I'd get better fuel efficiency but I'd waste time on the actual climb. So I stayed at our current cruising altitude. Coulson's voice came to life on the screen behind me. But I blocked it all out again and just concentrated and doing what I needed to do. Right now it was getting us to Syria as quickly as possible.
If I wasn't so tense about getting there, I'd be enjoying every second of being allowed to push the Quinjet like this. I hadn't been allowed to since my training all those months ago with Ian. Time just flew by when you had so much to concentrate on while flying at this speed. It only felt like seconds before Clint came back into the cockpit.
"Short version," Clint put a piece of paper down in front of me. It had 3 sets of coordinates on it. "Nat and I will do a HALO jump from the first set of coordinates. You'll land at the second set, hike in on foot. Use your invisibility to not get caught. Third set is where Bravo team is holed up. We all get them. Help escort them out and we're all set."
"Easy," I glanced back at Clint. "How many HALO drops have you done? And what altitude do you want to jump from?"
I'd never done a HALO drop. High Altitude, Low Opening parachute jumps were good for getting into places undetected. I'd be in airspace too high for anti aircraft missiles. Clint and Nat would be able to slip into the drop zone without any detection. It was a good plan instead of having the three of us miles away and all having to hike in.
"32,000 feet," Clint grimaced. "Last time I did one, I blacked out and woke up being slammed face first into a tree. I can't say they're my favourite things. I've only done about a dozen of them."
"Wuss," I chuckled briefly. I glanced back to Natasha who was still reading something on the computer screen. "Is Nat good to jump?"
"We're both good to go," Clint gave me a small smile. "I'll leave everything that you're going to need in a pack at the back. The team is fine. They're just got some bad intel and there's a lot of hostile activity in the area. Evans decided to play it extra safe and call in backup. So take a deep breath and just get us there in one piece. Then you and your boyfriend can have your dinner."
I rolled my shoulders and did as I was told. I took in a deep breath and let it out. Clint's words reassured me a lot. I let the tension drain from me and pushed the Quinjet a little faster. This time I let the thrill of the power beneath me actually excite me. Things were fine. This could all be over in a few hours and we'd be getting our dinner.
It took another 4 hours to reach the drop point for Clint and Natasha. Both had been quiet and discussing plans between themselves leaving me to just concentrate on flying. The last 40 minutes had been even quieter with them both already strapped into oxygen masks breathing in pure oxygen. It helped eliminate all the nitrogen in the bloodstream, reducing the risk of decompression sickness. I pulled on my own oxygen mask as Clint opened the ramp. No words were needed as him and Natasha both went to the edge. There with no hesitation as they both stepped off the edge. I was glad to close the ramp before I got frostbite.
My landing site was only about few minutes away. It was going to be one hell of a hike there for me. It didn't take me long to descend. The Quinjet landed with a soft thump in the secluded canyon. Here in the eastern parts, close to the Iraq border, there wasn't much else but sand and rocks. It was a pretty desolate and depressing place. I turned the cloaking on internally and left the ramp down. The way it would be easy enough to get back into in a big hurry. It was well into the small hours of the morning here now. There was a full moon, casting everything into shadows. At least I didn't have to be stealthy. I dug around in the backpack that Clint had left sitting on the last chair, just like he said he would. I had a P30, with a few extra magazine and a GPS. Seriously Clint, you couldn't just hand me those few things? I grumbled under my breath as I strapped the P30 onto my hip. Thigh holsters never fit me right. I didn't want to spend the rest of the night stopping to hike it back up every 10 strides. I shoved the extra magazines in my pocket, then punched the coordinates into the GPS. I groaned at the screen now showing me the 12 mile hike I was about to take. If I set a cracking pace, I should be there in a little under 2 hours. Great. Jogging for 2 hours through the sand and up and down hills. Thank god I was fit.
I hiked the hip holster a little higher up and stepped out into the cold night air. Taking in a deep breath, I started to jog in the direction the GPS was telling me. The steep climb out of the canyon made my legs ache long before the real jogging would take place.
I passed nothing on my way here. Just lots of sand, rocks and the occasional bush. The good news was without any decent sort of cover, an ambush would be hard to do in this sort of terrain. The bad news was that whoever the hostile force was, might not care about the lack of cover and ambush anyway. It would leave us out in the open as well.
The closer I got to the rendezvous point with both teams, I went invisible like I was told to. There really was nothing around here. I jogged up another hill and the GPS was saying the coordinates were only a few hundred feet away. But there was nothing here except another small canyon. I was so caught up in looking for where Bravo team was holed up I didn't notice the body camouflaged in the sand on the top of the hill. Tripping over a boot made me swear in surprise and let go of my invisibly. I quickly snatch the P30 out of the holster and pointed it at the now moving body. The sand fell away from the body, bringing out the back of a STRIKE uniform from the hole that'd be dug into.
"It's ok, it's only me," Riley rolled onto his back and held his hands up quickly. I quickly dropped the gun away from him with a shaky laugh.
"Hi," I fell down on the ground beside him. Riley rolled back onto his side and pulled me into a crushing hug. I wrapped my arms around him best I could and hugged him back just as hard. It was so good to see him here and in one piece. I didn't care that we both stank and were covered in sand, dirt and god knows what else. It was just an enormous relief to be here in his arms.
"Hi yourself," Riley chuckled. "It's so good to see you. Sorry I'm late."
"Hope that dinner reservation is still good," my voice was muffled against his chest.
"It is," Riley pulled me away a little and pressed his lips to mine briefly. "Saturday night. You gonna get us home in time?"
"Of course," I scoffed playfully. I leant forward and gave Riley another kiss. "I've missed you like crazy."
"Hang on a second, I'll be in trouble I don't report this is," Riley chuckled and reached up to touch his ear. "Evans, Kari is here. Should I send her down?"
I waited patiently while we got our orders. In the dark I could see Riley pulling faces at whatever Evans was saying. I smiled and buried myself back into his chest. Riley tightened his free arm back around and kissed the top of my head.
"Ok, copy that," Riley dropped his hand. He pulled me in as close as we could possibly get. "Evans said to wait here. They're heading out now."
"So we have, 2 minutes alone?" I grinned. I didn't wait for Riley's reply. I tipped my head up and pressed my lips against his. Riley didn't waste anytime. He teased his tongue along my lips. I eagerly matched him. Man I couldn't wait to get home.
"Sadly not 2 minutes," Riley reluctantly pulled away. "I can hear them coming now."
We dragged ourselves away from each other. It was a great effort to get to my feet, brushing the sand off me. As I brushed myself off I looked back down into the canyon. Dark shapes could be made out in the bright moonlight. They were all moving quickly. I could see the outline of the STRIKE Team, guns raised as they scanned the surroundings. Clint was hanging at the back. He was unmistakable with his bow. I couldn't see the slight figure of Natasha anywhere though. The towering bodies in a tight group would make it hard to see her anyway. Riley bent down and picked up his CheyTac that was still sitting in the sand.
"So what happened?" I asked Riley quietly as we waited for our respective teams to reach us.
"We'd done a snatch and grab," Riley inclined his head towards the centre of the group. It wasn't hard to make out the person that was being carefully guarded. "A SHIELD scientist that ended up in the wrong hands. The mission was far too easy to get him out of where he was. Ever since then we've been tailed and had a few small skirmishes. This area of the country is supposed to be cleared of militia. But it isn't. So we've been dodging attacks and trying to get over the border. But it's just been too hot. Evans called in for back up, and here you are. I have to admit. I was expecting Rumlow or one of the other STRIKE teams. Not you guys."
By the time Riley had finished speaking, the rest of the team had caught up to us.
"Kari, you take front and direct us back to the Quinjet," Evans instructed as he came up to us. "Riley, in the back as usual."
The light mood was gone. Riley snapped straight into work mode and did as he was told without any jokes or questions. I pulled the GPS from where I'd shoved it in my pocket and quickly recalculated the route. My legs were already burning from the jog here. Another 2 hours of this was going to be a living hell. But at least Riley would be home to rub my aching legs at the end of it. That thought gave me my second wind. The sooner we got back to the Quinjet, the sooner we'd get home. I was really curious about where Riley had planned for dinner as well. He normally wasn't this secretive.
"This way," I turned to my left a few degrees and pointed in the direction I'd just come from. My legs screamed in protest as I started to jog again. Dammit. So much for my second wind.
It was mind numbing to be doing nothing but lead the way. I was well covered so there was no need to be checking my surroundings. Evans stayed right on my heels the entire time. All I had to do was keep us on the path and keep jogging. No one spoke. Or if they did it was brief and to the point. Everyone was just trying to save their breath and get back to the Quinjet as quickly as possible. The barest streaks of grey were just starting to appear on the horizon as the canyon where the Quinjet was parked came into view. Inwardly I was cheering. The end was in sight.
A shot ringing out across the plains ended that cheer very quickly. I felt myself being yanked backwards and thrown to the ground. Landing face first, I coughed as I inhaled a mouthful of sand. I stared up at Evans back from my position on the ground.
"Contact left!" Evans voice rang out clearly. I went to stagger to my feet but I felt another weight collide into my back, keeping me pressed down.
"Stay down," Natasha hissed in my ear. "Wait until we're moving again."
"Who'd they shoot?" I coughed trying to clear my mouth. Yuck. Voices and shots were going off around us all blurring into what now felt like background noise. A few shots pinged into the sand close to Natasha and I. Bodies closed around us forming a human barrier.
"The scientist," Natasha's hair was tickling down into my face. She was laying on my back, head bent down over my shoulder. "We aren't dressed for this situation."
Her joking tone made me snort in amusement. Trust Natasha to make a joke in the middle of a fire fight. She wasn't wrong though. STRIKE Team Bravo were all heavily armed and in full body armour. Natasha was in her usual jump suit. I was in a long sleeve black shirt and cargo pants. Neither of us had any protection. Even Clint put on a light armoured vest before they left the Quinjet.
"Move," Natasha's fist bunched in my shirt as she gave it a yank. I didn't need any further encouragement. I was on my feet in a heartbeat, P30 out and ready to use. I jumped back and knocked into Natasha as a shot hit right at my feet. I didn't know where to aim. There was too much fire coming in from all directions.
"Get Kari to the Quinjet so we can get the fuck out of here," Evans yelled back at us.
I grabbed Natasha' hand and squeezed my eyes shut. I let the invisibility take hold and a second later tugged Natasha's hand after me. My aching legs were long forgotten as we bolted across the flat plain and scrambled up the last incline towards the Quinjet. I dared to sneak a look over my shoulder as he reached the top of the hill. STRIKE Team Bravo and Clint weren't far behind us. At the back of the group, Clint was shooting arrows as quickly as he could fire them. Riley had given up on his CheyTac and had his own Glock out. I don't know what happened but Riley suddenly pushed Clint forward, sending Clint sprawling to the ground. Riley staggered briefly, but regained his footing quickly.
"Come on!"
A combination of Natasha's voice and my inattentiveness made the invisibility impossible to maintain. I swore as we were suddenly sitting ducks up here on the ridge. A rain of bullet hailed down on us. I grabbed both of us and did the first thing to come to mind. One hand went up and I made an ice shield form around us. All fire ceased immediately as I pushed it around us. It wasn't much but it was enough to stop us getting shot at from where the majority of fire seemed to be coming from.
"Go, go GO!" I shoved Natasha in the brief interlude. In my haste, I shoved a little too hard. The motion was enough to send Natasha tumbling down the incline. I scrambled after her swearing loudly at my own stupidity. She stopped only a few feet down. But the awkward angle I'd sent her down wasn't going to do her body any favours. When I reached her, I could see her ankle sticking out at the wrong angle.
"I'm going to fucking kill you," Natasha snarled at me through gritted teeth.
"Later, I promise," I yanked her back to her feet, not unlike she'd just done to me. She staggered as she tried to put weight on the wonky ankle. I just grabbed her arm, throwing it around me so she could lean into me. Bullets had started to rain down on us again. We had no time to waste. Thank god I remember exactly where the Quinjet was, despite it being cloaked. I was so glad I was smart enough to leave the ramp down.
I dragged Natasha with me and shoved her to the ground as soon as we hit the Quinjet. I'd apologise for it later. If her ankle was broken I'd even go and be her slave for the next 6 weeks for it. This was my fuck up for taking too long to look when we'd reached the ridge. The rest of the team were right behind me. I ran to the pilot seat and threw myself into the chair, not bothering to strap myself in. I uncloaked it, which was probably unnecessary. A few Bravo guys were right behind us. I frantically powered the Quinjet up. I cringed as a bullet sounded like it hit the windscreen right in front of me. Here's hoping no one had a rocket launcher. It was probably only seconds but it felt like hours until the last guys made into the back.
"Go!" Clint yelled as he and Riley made it up the ramp last hitting the button to close it. I didn't need to be told twice. Bullets were pinging off the Quinjet still. I was worried I was going to lose something important. Then we'd be toast. I had us in the air instantly, even though it was very rough. The Quinjet bounced as I hit some nasty turbulence from the rocky take off. Even I thought I was going to be sick from it. The sound of barely concealed retching was heard a few times as we rocked through the air. Once we hit altitude the jet levelled out into a smooth flight. I was still breathing heavily from the rush of it all. I glanced over to the back to see everyone either sprawled out over the floor, or kind of half sitting in the seats. Clint's gaze caught mine and he shook his head letting out a short laugh. Fuck me that had been close.
The laughter was contagious. Soon all of the guys were laughing quietly at our sheer luck of getting out of there. Fucked didn't quite begin to describe what just happened. Thank god we all made it out of there alive and unscathed. I turned so I could see everything in the back properly. Everyone had found a seat by now. Whether it was on a chair or on the floor, at least everyone was sitting. Except for Riley. He was standing to the side looking pale. He was the only one not laughing. I frowned and shot him a questioning look. He grimaced and grabbed his side. I didn't miss what little colour was left in his face draining as he pulled his hand away.
"Riley?" I called out to get his attention. His head snapped up to me, worry filled his face. It was then I saw his hand was covered in blood.
"Fuck," was the only word Riley got out before he collapsed.
"Clint!" I screamed, hitting the autopilot and falling out of my chair in haste to get to the back. I scrambled back to my feet and ran the 7 steps it took to get where Riley was. In the brief time it'd taken me to get there, Clint was already barking orders at everyone.
"Get an IV line in, fluids and pain relief " Clint commanded as he ripped the body armour and Riley's clothes off with his bare hands with some assistance from his knife. "Riley, stay with us man."
"I did it again," Riley groaned. I couldn't tell if it was from his bad luck, or pain. "Kari?"
"Right here," I pushed my way through the team who were helping Clint. No one argued with me as I knelt beside Riley. He reached his hand out and I gripped it hard. "Where?"
"Left side, I don't even remember getting hit," Riley squeezed his eyes shut tightly for a moment before opening them again. "Hurts now though."
"Just stay with me," I said firmly. "We'll be back to base in 15 minutes. When did you get hit?"
"I think when I pushed Barton aside," Riley blinked rapidly as if he was trying to focus. "Don't know, didn't feel anything."
Clint had pulled away the last of Riley shirt. A gush of blood erupted from his side and someone hastily smacked a dressing over it. The dressing was soaked through in a few seconds. I didn't miss the look Clint gave me. This wasn't good. My stomach dropped as I looked back to Riley. He'd already lost all of his colour, even his lips had turned blue. He was shivering violently. None of us needed a medical degree to know Riley was bleeding out internally right in front of us. And there wasn't a damn thing we could do to stop it. One of the other guys from his team was desperately trying to pump blood clotting drug into him but it wasn't stopping the flow of blood coming. There was a scarily large pool of it within seconds all over the floor.
"Hey," Riley's voice was strained. I turned my attention back to him with a forced smile. "There's something in my locker back at the Triskelion for you."
"It better be that bag of Reese's Pieces you stole off me last week," I joked weakly squeezing his hand harder. "And you're going to giving to me to yourself. We've got dinner plans, remember?"
I was only vaguely aware of Natasha come to squat next to me. I could feel her hand gripping my arm tightly in support.
"I love you," Riley said quietly looking up at me. The look on his face tore me up inside. He didn't have to voice his concerns. He already knew what was happening. "I love you so much. I didn't want for it to end this way."
"It's not going to end this way," the words stuck in my throat and it was hard to get them out. "We're going to go home and get our happily ever after. I promise I'll even start doing the laundry more often."
Riley just chuckled and squeezed my hand. His own strength was going. I looked to Clint who was shaking his head at me. We didn't have a lot of time left. I lent down and kissed Riley. Hard, as if my kiss was going to breath more life into him. Riley barely had the energy left to respond. But he did. His wavering strength made me realise that this was it. This was all we were ever going to get. We'd spoken of this. I knew it was a real possibility in our line of work. I just never expected it to ever happen.
"Don't leave me," I whispered. "I love you."
"I love you more than you can ever imagine," Riley struggled for breath now. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, just hold on," the words were so hard to force out. I could feel my entire chest tighten with watching the scene in front of me. "Stay with me. Please."
No begging was going to help anymore. I didn't think a person could go so pale. My hands were shaking as Riley's grip loosened on my hand.
"Promise me you'll look after Kari for me Clint," Riley struggled to get the words out. He didn't even have to energy to look to look at Clint. Not that I wanted him too. In his last moments Riley seemed to be memorising my face. I was doing exactly the same. I already knew that this was going to be the last time we'd see each other.
"Always," Clint fell to his knees on the other side of Riley. He grabbed his spare hand and squeezed it tightly. "I'll keep her skinny ass out of trouble for you."
Riley let out a very weak chuckle. With what remaining strength he had left he squeezed my hand. I squeezed it back as hard as I could.
"I love you," Riley whispered again. "So much."
His hand loosened from mine despite my attempt to keep a hold of it. The world stopped around me as Riley took one more shuddering breath.
And then he was gone.
Just like that, in a blink of an eye. The only person I had ever let myself fall in love with was gone. It felt like a hand was squeezing my chest. I could barely breath. My mind stopped functioning as I just stared at Riley. I couldn't process what just happened. I didn't want to believe he'd just died in front of me.
"Kari," Clint's hand landed on my shoulder. I couldn't cry. I wouldn't let myself cry right here and now. It wasn't going to happen. An alert started to beep from the cockpit. It was the incoming aircraft alert. We weren't in friendly territory just yet. Forcing everything that just happened from my mind I scrambled back to the cockpit. All the training from Natasha was now coming in handy. I threw up a mental block around everything that just happened. I couldn't think about it. If I did we all might be dead in less than a minute.
"629 Bravo, we have unidentified incoming," I immediately opened a radio channel to the SHIELD communications. "Requesting immediate assistance."
On my radar 2 other aircraft had come up. Both heading directly towards the Quinjet at a high speed. Oh god. Where were we actually? I don't even remember putting in coordinations for a flight path. I just kind of got us in the air and let the Quinjet fly itself.
"Unidentified aircraft, this is the United States Air Force armed Raptors heading directly for you. You are in violation of restricted airspace. Squawk ident."
I shuddered in relief hearing the pilot over the radio. I opened our own radio channel for all frequencies.
"Raptor Pilot this is 629 Bravo, Agent Lyngley of SHIELD, ident and authenticate, Whiskey, Zulu, 1.0.9er.4.3.9er," I tried not to sound too breathless over the radio. Around here it only took a mile or two in the wrong direction and we could be shot down in a heartbeat. With the cloaking turned off, I'd just made us into perfect targets. Thank god it was our own Air Force that found us first.
"629 Bravo, ident received and copied. This is Sabre 1. Do you require any assistance?" the voice of the Raptor pilot came over the radio. For a second I wondered if it would be anyone I knew. Shaking my head I focused back on the task at hand.
"Sabre 1, requesting escort to nearest base. We require immediate medical attention on board," I forced myself not to look back. Medical attention was coming too late for Riley. The rest of the team were still battered and messed up though. I could feel the burn of a bullet graze on my right side. I hadn't felt it until now. It must have been just before I'd managed to shield Natasha and I from the worst of the gun fire.
"Camp Cooke is our closest base of Operations, you are cleared to follow 629 Bravo."
The Raptor flew past us at high speed, making a large sweeping turn until the Raptor was directly in front of us. The 2nd Raptor came up on my right side, flying close enough I could just make out the Pilot in the cockpit. I gave him a thumbs up, which the Pilot returned before backing off to a greater distance. My hands shook on the controls and I forced myself to look straight ahead, blocking out everything else. I had to do this. I had to focus on flying otherwise I felt like I was going to fall apart and never be able to be put back together again.
"629 Bravo, this is Sabre 2," the voice over the radio made me look towards the Raptor on right side. The pilot had brought the Raptor up close to the Quinjet again. "Any chance that's you Knuckles?"
"Depends on who's asking Sabre 2," I said carefully. Even I didn't know the official story of what was told to my old squadron after what happened. My guess is they would have been told I was dead, or debriefed that the situation would never leave the room. SHIELD were very good with their threats.
"That would be Captain Hughes," the voice clicked in my head on who I was speaking to. He was First Lieutenant when I knew him though. With a ridiculous callsign it wasn't hard to forget him.
"Hey Frogger," I said sending him a wave. "Congratulations on the promotion."
"Thanks Knuckles," he chuckled. "Base has just radioed us because they can't operate your frequency. What should medical expect on the ground?"
"One casualty," I swallowed hard before forcing myself to continue. "A few possible broken bones, minor GSW. We're all pretty messed up."
"Copy that, sorry to hear about your casualty."
I closed my eyes. My throat was too tight to reply. This was going to be the longest flight I had ever done in my life.
"You ok?" Clint's voice made me jump. I just looked at him in the reflection of the glass. He'd come up to me and was leaning heavily on the co-pilot seat. He looked so exhausted. If he wasn't leaning on the chair I don't know if he'd be able to stand unassisted. It wasn't until I caught sight of his left arm which made my stomach churn.
"You're bleeding, get someone to bandage it up," I said shortly noticing the blood dripping from his left arm. Clint glanced to his arm, only just noticing the injury. He clamped his hand over the wound.
"Kari," Clint tried again and I cut him off.
"I'm busy, get out of the cockpit Barton," I snapped. Angry was good. I needed to be angry so I didn't cry. "We'll be landing at Camp Cooke. If you want to be useful get on the radio and let someone know that."
Clint just stared at me looking completely lost. Sending a hard glare in his direction, he sat down in the co-pilot seat grabbing the radio.
"This is Hawkeye, someone patch me through to Agent Coulson immediately."
I sat up on the roof of the buildings, shivering against the cold wind. Spring didn't seem to have touched this part of the world yet. It was freezing cold in the night air on top of the barracks we'd been given. I sniffed and took a long drink from the bottle of vodka I had in my hands. Camp Cooke was meant to be a dry base. But if you looked hard enough, and anywhere that any kind of special forces were at work, you could find alcohol. Being able to go invisible sure had it's advantages sometimes.
Everything felt numb. Completely and utterly numb. That wasn't just from the half of bottle of vodka I'd finished either. I just couldn't make myself feel anything. There was a horrible tightness in my chest that wouldn't go away. My throat felt like someone was squeezing it my effort to keep my tears at bay.
"Kari?" Clint's voice made me turn. His figure was silhouetted against the light in the doorway.
"Here," I said simply, turning away from the bright light. I didn't really want the company. But I wasn't going to hide from my team either. Natasha had looked as devastated as I had felt when it happened. She had disappeared as soon as we landed and I hadn't seen her since. She had her own way of dealing with things that even Clint wouldn't intrude on. My guess was she wasn't anywhere near medical either. Clint had punched the wall of the building so hard when we walked in it'd left a fist imprint in the wood. Coulson was on his way and we wouldn't be debriefed until he arrived. The rest of Bravo team were silent in their shock of what happened back there. Sam had broken down into a sobbing mess as soon as we were off the tarmac. Evans didn't look in much better shape emotionally as they helped him back up and ushered Sam away to privacy.
"Hey," Clint came and sat beside me. I didn't say anything to him. I just kept staring straight ahead watching the world go on in front of me. Camp Cooke was always busy. I'd been here a few times while I was in the Air Force. What I hadn't known then, was that SHIELD kept its own small contingency of agents here. Stretched in front of me I could clearly see the runway lights glowing in the night sky. A C-130 hadn't long landed and workers scuttled around it. Like tiny little ants in the distance. My world might have just felt like it had fallen apart. But the world around me kept on spinning.
"Did you go to medical?" Clint asked as he stretched his legs out. His left arm was bandaged and he was sitting awkwardly. His right leg as sticking out at an awkward angle, like he was avoiding the back of his thigh touching the ground.
"Yeah I'm fine," I unconsciously rubbed my right side where I'd been barely grazed with a bullet. I hadn't gone to medical, but it'd stopped bleeding long ago. I'd cleaned it up in the bathroom before I'd started my prowl around the base for alcohol. I'd purposely avoided Clint for the rest of the day.
"Yeah you went, or yeah you think its fine?" Clint pushed. He was staring at me intently, I could feel all the emotions clearly on his face. His own grief was there, along with concern and guilt. I shouldn't have been surprised that Clint had found me up here. I had completely shut him out back in the Quinjet.
I shrugged. Words were sticking in my throat. Even if I wanted to talk, I don't think I could form the words.
"Talk to me please Kari," Clint sighed. "You need to talk to someone about this."
"What is there to say?" I shrugged again. My voice came out hoarse and scratchy. I took another sip of vodka to try and make it go away. The vodka was the only thing I could feel at the moment. It burnt the entire way down my throat and into my stomach.
"If you don't have anything to say, then do something," Clint kept pushing. "Punch me, slap me, I don't care. Just do something besides sitting there drowning yourself in a vodka bottle."
I don't know what started to make my walls crumble down. Those bricks I had so hastily jammed up when Riley had taken his last breath suddenly all fell apart. I felt my bottom lip start to tremble as tears made my eyes burn. My hands shook on the vodka bottle and it dropped to the ground.
"I've got you," Clint grabbed me before I could do anything else. I tried to swallow back the sob that followed everything but it didn't work. Tears started to fall down my face as much as I didn't want them to. I wrapped my arms around Clint's neck burying my face into his shoulder as I started to cry. It was like a dam bursting, once the crack appeared there was no stopping it. I've never cried so hard in my life. My heart just felt like someone had ripped it from my body and shattered it into a million pieces. It hurt. It physically hurt so badly I felt like I could barely breath.
"I'll always be here for you," Clint whispered into my hair. "That I promise. No matter what."
Clint rocked me gently as I cried. Through my own harsh sobs I could feel his ragged breaths as he struggled to control his own emotions. I knew it wasn't just me hurting. I hoped where ever Natasha was, she was finding some small bit of comfort. Losing Riley hurt so badly. I hated myself for getting carried away in the stupid fantasy I'd gotten so caught up in over the last 7 months. Why couldn't I just have a happy life? Why did it always seem to crumble in my hands whenever I felt some semblance of happiness. I wanted to scream about the injustice of it all. Why Riley? He was a good person, what did he ever do to deserve this?
"I don't want this," I sobbed. "Make it go away."'
"I would if I could Kari," the emotion in Clint's voice was so raw. I wasn't surprised to feel a few tears from him leaking onto my face and blending into mine. "God I'd give anything to make this right for you. I'm so sorry this is all my fault."
I just shook my head. I couldn't find the breath to talk again. This wasn't Clint's fault, even Riley wasn't sure when he'd been hit. Adrenaline was a blessing and curse at the same time. I hadn't even felt my bullet graze. In turn Riley hadn't felt the high calibre bullet that had ricocheted through his body. This wasn't anybodies fault except for the idiots who thought it would be a good idea to kidnap a high value SHIELD scientist.
"I was distracted," Clint continued. "I wasn't paying attention to my surroundings. Riley shouldn't have had to save my ass."
"If it wasn't you it would have been someone else," I sniffed. "You know him, always looking out for everyone else before himself."
Those words hurt the most. It was true. It was just the person Riley was. It could have been me he pushed out of the way one day. We'd talked about this. We had to. This is a crazy life we had and I was well aware of the risks of what came with it. Words were easy to say when you never thought that they'd ever come true.
"How do you do it Clint?" I asked pulling my face away from Clint's chest. "This job, knowing what you've got at home waiting for you."
I rubbed my eyes trying to stop the tears. It wasn't helping, the tears just continued to fall down my face.
"I don't know," Clint's voice was hoarse. "I really don't know anymore. But I don't know anything else."
We both sat there in silence. I clung back into Clint like he was the only thing from keeping me falling apart as I cried. There was a faint change in the air and suddenly Jared was in front of us.
"Jesus, Clint what happened?" Jared's eyes were wide and he was pale "Nat?"
"Riley, it was Riley" Clint continued to rock me gently as hearing his name just made me cry even harder. I buried my head back into Clint's shoulder sobbing my heart out.
"Oh god," I felt Jared collapse next to me. His own grief stung me as hard as my own as I fell into my twin's embrace without another word. There were no words to describe how I was feeling right now. But my entire world just like it was crumpling down around me. Again.
Authors Note.
Please don't kill me…