Season 2, Episode 13: Archangel
Hetty found Callen in the office after midnight, sitting alone in the Ops center, scrolling through the names of the dead.
"Are you all right, Mister Callen?"
"Fine."
She approached slowly. Sitting on the stool, feet out in front of him, shoulders hunched, he looked so much younger than his true age. She could see the teenager hovering inside the man. "Are you quite certain?"
"Yeah."
"Then I question why you are looking at photographs of fallen soldiers in the middle of the night."
"It's just...Sam said that Driscoll wanted them to have names. Not to be numbers or statistics anymore."
Hetty nodded and waited.
"So...I was thinking about something you said once. About the number of skeletons in our closets. And...I'll never know all their names. The people I killed. I'm...not even sure I could tell you how many there have been."
Hetty put a hand on his shoulder. But she did not interrupt him yet. The cadence of his revelations was always the same. He peered at the pictures for a few more moments, then cleared his throat.
"I thought...maybe I should learn these names instead."
"I see." Hetty cleared her throat.
"But...even if I remember them...it isn't really the same. It's...they deserve to be remembered, but it doesn't make up for the people I took away."
"I won't argue the point, though I personally don't agree. However, if it helps, I would suggest you consider a different list altogether."
Callen looked at her and his eyes were too bright, and too close to brittleness for her liking.
She gave him a tiny smile. "You'll find it in the system under the name George Bailey."
"George...is that a movie reference?"
"Indeed. It's a Wonderful Life."
He almost managed a smirk. "I think I've seen that movie. So, what is it?"
"A list, Mister Callen. Of every person I could find who is alive today because of your actions. Not a general list, not the population of LA, but specific individuals who have been protected because of your work. And it is a very, very long list."
She gave his shoulder a shake.
"Memorize those names, and let them be your star to guide you. We can't change the past. We can't do anything for the dead. But the living...those are the ones we must remember. They are the ones who make what we do worthwhile."
Callen shut his eyes and the haunted expression faded from his face.
"Thank you, Hetty."
"You're welcome."
But before she could go, he stood. "Do you have a list like that?"
"Not precisely."
He could read in her tone of voice that she had her own reasons for her answer, and didn't want to get into them, so he simply said, "If you ever make one?"
"Yes?"
"Put my name at the top of it."