Chapter 37
Preparations
"So what is everyone's problem?" Ma Chao paced back and forth in the tent.
"Chao we don't have a problem." Guan Yu assured him. "We just have some cautions."
"Like what? I already know about her past and her issues." Ma Chao snapped.
"Mengqi, we're just trying to help." Zhao Yun jumped up on the table so he could sit on something.
"Help what? Postpone my wedding?"
"Help you realize how difficult your decision is going to be outside of this army." Guan Yu sighed. "Chao you have to remember you're an inter-racial couple...people aren't very forgiving of that."
"So you have a problem with it?"
"We never did." Liu Bei spoke up. "But you're going to take her home with you and I don't think the people of Xiliang are ready for that. It will be very difficult for both of you. Remember that a lot of people look upon foreigners as intruders. We have ignored our differences because she has vowed to fight our war with us. That in the mind of a soldier is more important, but in the eyes of the civilians...they will only see her skin color. You may never be able to force them past that."
"So what?" Ma Chao growled.
"So..."Guan Yu toyed with his beard. "They're going to give you a hard time. More so because you're their lord."
"So? I will stand by her."
"Chao..."Bei wondered exactly how he was going to say this without getting himself in trouble. "Sometimes your duty to your people stops you from doing what you think is best for your family."
"Look, I know I screwed up before. I was so fixated on what I needed to do to be the Prefect I never thought I would have to be. I pushed her aside because I thought it was what I was supposed to do...not because she was different."
"We're not saying you did..."Guan Yu rubbed his head.
"That's what it sounds like to me. Did you put Zhou Tai through this?"
"Not exactly...." Liu Bei looked away
"Well that's great." Ma Chao snapped. "Send Yue Ying off with the enemy without so much as a word of protest but put your own general through hell. This whole time you've known what was going on! You even encouraged it!"
"Chao stop yelling." Zhao Yun cautioned. Liu Bei was a very tolerant man but somehow screaming at your emperor just appeared to be an overall bad idea.
"Why?" Ma Chao turned his anger on his friend. "Of all the people here you should be supporting me, don't you think?"
"Calm down." Zhao Yun said in his soothing voice. "You're making a big deal out of nothing Mengqi."
"NOTHING?" Ma Chao hollered. "I'm being put on trial for no good reason. The three of you have not only encouraged this but assisted me. Now you're changing your mind? That's nothing?"
"No one is changing their mind..." Guan Yu closed his eyes. Oh god, this is going to be a long night.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Why is there so much...yelling?" Ma Dai groggily opened his eyes and looked up at Zhang Fei. He didn't remember what had happened or why he was here. However if he was close to Fei it meant he probably had too much to drink. So why was Fei looking so...sober?
"Your cousin is officially asking for his woman." Fei ate some Peking duck. "Something he apparently takes offense to."
"Chao...takes offense to everything." Dai tried to sit up out of the leaf pile but thought better of it. His head was pounding and those nice crunchy leaves were just so soft.
"Well screaming at Liu Bei, Guan Yu and Zhao Yun is not the best way of doing anything. He's got balls, I'll give him that."
"He always picks the weird chicks." Dai grumbled. "Don't think he's ever gone for a homegrown lady."
"Really?" Fei wasn't really paying attention. He was annoyed enough with the prospect of babysitting the younger Ma till his hangover subsided, but listening to him babble on was going to make him drag him over to the Wu camp and leave him there. Possibly even the Wei camp.
"Yeah." Dai grinned with the memories. "First it was Cai Wengi. She's from one of the northern tribes.....became a witch too."
"You don't say."
"Yeah, they played 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours' when they were out on the tundra." Dai began to chuckle only making him realize that expression of emotion made his head hurt. "Chao squeezed her boob so damned hard she gave him a black eye. Tie and Xiu never stopped teasing him for that."
"Good to know." Fei frowned as he looked into his cup filled with aromatic tea. Disgusting tea.
"Not surprising he likes Cal so much. Some guys just dig those foreign chicks."
"Well I'll go put in a good work for him."
"Too bad his momma hates em..." Dai added after Fei left. Slowly he drifted back into his happy alcohol induced slumber.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hey there pretty lady." Pang Tong sat down next to Cal, Huang Zhong and Wei Yan. "What's with the weird look?"
Wei Yan rolled his eyes. "Stupid...women."
Cal smacked him. "It's not stupid."
"Our little friend is feeling guilty about the death of her husband." Zhong informed the sage.
"Well that's just a waste." Tong produced a paper from his cloak. "I did find something however that I thought you might like."
"Look, Tong's providing entertainment." Yue Ying snickered as she walked by with her future husband. "This ought to be good."
"And I thought he streaked for entertainment around here." Tai sat down next to Ying and smiled a greeting to the Shu generals.
"I save that for special occasions" Tong winked. "But here, my young Roman friend is the Chinese Zodiac." Tong handed her the parchment paper with wonderfully colored drawings and descriptions.
"Great. Too bad I can't read it." Cal sneered. All of these illiteracy accusations were seriously pissing her off.
"What was Zhao Yun teaching you?" Tong snatched the paper back and spread it out on the ground.
"Surprisingly he didn't read me my horoscope."
"Horo..what?" Zhong asked.
"Well that's what the Zodiac thing is for, right? We have one back home too. You're not the only ones with that idea."
"Yes, I did hear of that ridiculous mockery." Tong scoffed. "This is the real thing. It's done by birth year and it's accurate."
"Fine. I'm a Scorpio." Cal crossed her arms and watched the quizzical looks turn to her. "What?"
"Translation?" Yue Ying asked.
"Scorpion."
"Not an option, sorry!" Tong grinned. "But nice try, I bet it isn't accurate anyhow."
"Obsessive, sexual, secretive, forceful, obstinate....makes lifelong enemies by being outspoken."
"Hey that is pretty good!" Tong smiled. "But it's still crap. So let's look at the real thing shall we?"
"You must have already worked this out." Ying said as the sage gave her a wink.
"You my love, are a sheep." Tong smirked at Cal.
Cal frowned. "I think scorpion is much better than sheep."
"But wait! It gets better." Tong cleared his throat. "So the sheep is elegant and creative...Timid"
"And obviously not me then..."
"Shhh..." Wei Yan smacked her knee.
"Prefers anonymity. Pessimistic and often puzzled about life. The best part is you are compatible with Rabbits, Boar and horses but never oxen."
"I do like pork and I love my horse. Never did care for oxen, too damned slow." Cal said thoughtfully.
"Other signs dumbass." Zhong laughed. "If I recall, since the signs go by birth year, the preceding year to the Sheep is the horse. That makes your precious Ma Chao a match."
"Really?" Cal smiled. "That's nice. So who are the other people?"
"I'm a rabbit." Ying responded.
"Certainly have the sex drive of one." Tai smirked and kissed her hand.
"Liu Bei is a boar and I am an ox." Tong took off his hat. "So that's why I could never get you in my harem."
"But we get along just fine." Cal protested.
"Not in love, baby."
"Ox...too." Wei Yan grinned up at her.
"So what is this ox thing then?" Cal looked to Tong.
"Well we're 'bright patient and inspiring to others. Can be happy by yourself but make an outstanding parent. Errr...the sheep will bring trouble.' Better back away from the Roman Wei Yan."
"So that's why you keep stealing my kid and he keeps tutoring Lu Xun?" Cal asked Wei Yan who only replied with a grin.
"The best part is this!" Tong ran his finger over the chart until her found what he was looking for. "Lu Bu was a rat."
"Didn't need the chart to tell us that." Zhong mumbled.
"Ambitious, works hard to achieve goals and acquire possessions. An easily angered perfectionist. Seldom makes long lasting friendships. Compatible with Dragons and Monkeys...least compatible with horses."
"So you're telling me that he was destined by the year of his birth to have issues with Chao." Cal rolled her eyes.
"Oh don't be so skeptical." Ying smiled. "Kongming was a cock, read his."
"Once again, didn't need a chart to tell us that." Zhong snickered.
"Rooster. 'Pioneer in spirit you are devoted to your work and quest after knowledge. Selfish and eccentric. Rabbits are trouble..." Tong started to laugh.
"See it does have something!" Ying grinned as the other generals laughed.
"All I see is that Chao has an equally good chance of being happy with anyone who was born in the same year as me......besides what is the description of the horse anyhow. I bet it doesn't even match him."
"Popular and attractive, hot-blooded and independent, impatient, doesn't listen to advice but needs people. Marry a tiger, dog or sheep." Tong gave her his smug smile he only reserved for Zhuge Liang.
"Damn."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Zhou Yu poked his head into his tent and saw his pretty little wife already asleep in their cot...alone. He took a relieved sigh and entered the tent. For the past few months all of his attempts to be alone with his wife were interrupted by her mourning sister, Da. The obnoxious older sister was always needing something: a shoulder to cry on, her sister's opinion, Zhou Yu's warm body to cling to as she sobbed herself to sleep. It was driving him insane. The last time he had the chance to have sex with his wife was months ago and it was taking its toll on his mental health. Finally, they could be alone.
With a sweet and melodious whistle he woke up his wife and she blinked awake. With a knowing grin she sat up in bed and watched him begin to take off his robes for her. It was their ritual, the initiator would always strip for the other and then pounce. He could see Xiao's face light up as she realized the implications of this moment. They were finally going to be alone. Disrobed, Zhou Yu leapt on his wife and began to kiss her petite neck.
"Oh...I've missed you so much." Xiao purred.
"Likewise my dear." He paused and looked into her young face, "You have no idea how hard this has been for me."
"I want to do everything...that involves only two people."
"Your wish is my command." Zhou Yu began to pull her nightgown off and only succeeded in ripping it. He was way too excited to pause and just finished ripping the whole thing, turning his wife on more.
"Yes...I am yours...take me!" She squeaked.
He was about to lean in to kiss her but hear a familiar sound. A sound that made him become so agitated that he could feel the small vein over his temple begin to throb. A sound that he was sure would be the death of him. A sound that any other person would have merely considered to be Da Qiao's meek attempt to clear her throat and announce her presence. "Send her away." He growled through clenched teeth.
"Sis? You in there? I....I'm lonely."
"Not right now Da!"
"Please?"
Xiao looked up and watched her husband try and strangle himself with his own hair. "Can this wait...for an hour?"
Da began to cry. "I need you...now. I'd be there...for you."
Zhou Yu threw his hands up and put his pants back on. "I'm going to check on Lu Xun."
"Come in Da." Xiao said and threw her head back into the pillow.
Da popped into the tent and looked at her sister. "Thank you."
Xiao began to cry as her sister crawled into the cot with her. Da only took it as a sympathy cry, but Xiao's tears were out of frustration.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"This is bullshit." Chao pointed an accusatory finger at Zhao Yun.
"You're the one turning this into your court-martial. Don't blame me." Yun shot back.
"This is good. I should have come in sooner." Zhang Fei tossed some fried noodles into his mouth and smiled.
Guan Yu was leaning back against the table watching the simple meeting turn into a brawl. He should have known there was no good way to broach the subject with Chao, he was always so defensive. He leaned back and whispered to Liu Bei. "This is your fault, you should have never told him about Zhou Tai."
"You're the one who thought you could handle this...your fault." Bei smiled back.
"Hey Chao! Who's this Cai Wengi chick?" Fei shouted over the quarrel.
Chao stopped mid-sentence and looked at Fei..."Who told you about her?"
"Your stupid drunkard cousin." Fei responded and ate some more noodles.
Zhao Yun saw a way to win the argument. "Another girl? Now this is something that we should be grilling you about."
"We haven't dated since I was fifteen." Chao growled.
"I hear she's a witch." Fei smiled.
"Yeah...she's into that sort of stuff. Just an old friend."
"So you dig foreign chicks huh?" Fei crunched on some noodles. "I guess someone has to. Leaves more women for Zilong. Not that it seems to matter."
"Hey, this isn't about me." Yun snapped.
"Ooohhh. Sensitive." Fei chuckled. "Still you haven't gotten laid in how long?"
"Not the issue Yide!" Zhao Yun snapped.
"Did he just mediate?" Guan Yu whispered to his lord.
"I think so..." Bei pushed another bowl of noodles down to their youngest brother as payment.
"Seriously Zilong, how long can a man go without a woman?" Fei crunched some more noodles out of existence.
"This..." Zhao Yun growled, "Is not about me!"
"I understand that Chao here is trying to be all honorable and not screw the woman that's been humping his leg since Tong Gate, but you refuse hordes of loose women every day." Fei slapped Guan Yu's hand away when the giant tried to take some of the noodles.
"So does this mean I can get married?" Chao asked.
"Beginning to worry about you Zilong. I hear Yue Ying's got some little watercolor postcards of you....and you know she doesn't like to look at her men alone."
"What?!?!?"
"Ummm....what about me?" Chao asked.
"Yeah, I think there are some pictures of you too kid." Fei answered.
"I was talking about my future wife."
"Yeah, I've seen the pictures of her. Man did they alter her. Tits are bigger than mine."
"Why are you looking at drawings of my...fiancé?" Chao queried
"Came in the collection." Fei smiled.
"What collection?" Guan Yu asked.
"Lady Generals of the three kingdoms collection. Man, Xuande, you ought to see Shang. She's the most vivid one; I bet someone's been watching her bathe."
"Excuse me?!?" Liu Bei looked up at Guan Yu and then back to Fei. There was pornography floating around, of his wife?
"Can I go confirm that I'm going to marry Cal?" Chao asked. "If you make me wait too long she's going to talk herself out of it and ride into the sunset alone."
"Man, you better marry that woman or she's going to end up with him." Fei pointed at Zhao Yun.
"WHAT?!?!?!" Yun screeched.
"Two really sexually frustrated people...you know that's how Zhuge and Jiang Wei got into they're little thing don't you?"
"I don't know what's worse. You thinking I like men or you wanting me to screw Cal...she's practically my sister..." Yun yelled.
"Well I never heard of any sworn oath between you two so the possibility is still there." Fei retorted.
"You bastard...ever since I first joined Shu you have been throwing that in my face!"
"You're just a good friend. Not family like us." Fei snickered. "Go find someone your own age to agree to die with."
"I will!" Yun threw a meat bun at Zhang Fei and stormed out.
"So..." Chao looked to the three men. "What is your decision?"
"Stop screaming at my brothers and marry your damned horny girlfriend before she goes mad. And someone needs to buy Zilong a concubine, he's getting hyper." Fei shook his head. "Like Shang Xiang before she got in Xuande's pants."
"Yide...what is this about nude pictures of my wife?"
"Right on brother!" Fei smacked Liu Bei shoulder. "You got a hot wife."
"But...."
"There are pictures of you too..from what Yue Ying tells me. But you're with Zilong. Hopefully they aren't as well drawn." Fei belched.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
""So did they approve of you?" Sun Shang Xiang asked as Ma Chao came over to the fire.
"I think so."
"You think?" Cal asked. "Shouldn't we clarify this before we get any further?"
"HEY!" Zhao Yun ran up and pulled Cal to her feet. "We need to be sworn siblings to smite the stupid oath brothers."
"Huh?" Cal looked at his pleading eyes. "Honey, I think Guan Yu does enough smiting to fulfill our needs."
"Too late, Zilong!" Shang screamed, "We already swore our oath in the garden! Me, Cal and Yue Ying!"
"Technically we just swore to protect Liu Bei. Nothing as terminal as dying at the same moment." Yue Ying reminded her queen.
"So what do you say?" Yun asked.
"Is this just because you don't find me attractive and I've seen you naked?" Cal asked.
"No."
"Hey...why did you see him naked?" Chao asked.
"When he got shot back at Mt. Jie Ting. You remember I stayed in his room forever, what did you think I was doing?"
"I thought the servants or nurses were doing that." Chao frowned.
"Please. And let those crazed fan girls take advantage of him? What kind of a friend would I be?" Cal smiled.
"What about these so called relationships with Zhou Tai and Lu Meng?" Chao asked and gave Tai a questioning glance. The pirate just gave him a smirk.
"Oh nothing to worry about. I date the people I don't sleep with."
Zhao Yun grabbed her chin and made her look into his face. "Focus on the important thing."
"What is that going to do for me? Can I have a style name if I do it?"
"You can have a style name whenever you want. You make them up yourself." Yun replied. "But I'll give you one if you just do what I want."
"This is why you're the man-whore of Cheng Du. Give me a style name if I do what you want...phst."
"Calpurnia, you know you want to. Think about it. If anyone gives you shit about marrying the golden boy then you can say your brother will come kick their ass."
"Zilong, if anyone gives me shit I'll slit their goddamned throats. Besides, why would I call on you when I'm married to him? He's better with his spear than you are."
"Ha!" Chao chuckled.
"Look, you've already quoted Sun Tzu and used it in a practical application. The first step to becoming more accepted. Think about how good it would make your husband look if you were a sworn sister to Liu Bei's bravest and most praised general."
"What about all those pictures of you and him...." Cal watched his eyes cloud over. "Alright, if you really want to."
"GREAT!" Yun chirped. "So what the hell do we do?"
"No peach orchards around here, you might be out of luck." Yue Ying smiled.
"Give me your hand." Cal shook her head and pulled out her boot knife. "This is how we do it back home. No prayers, no fruit, just sticky congealed blood."
Zhao Yun watched her slice open their palms and slap their hands together in a firm handshake. "Your people are so primitive and unrefined."
"I know, so give me a new name that doesn't sound like I'm hacking up a hairball."
"I happen to like that about you. It's who you are." Chao snapped. "I don't want you hiding that! So stop trying to change your name and stop straightening your hair."
"Zilong, you need to kick the crap out of him for trying to order me around."
"Not before I go brag to Zhang Fei....I'll talk to you later little sister."
"God, we need to find him a woman." Cal shook her head. "He's becoming more unstable."
"Why is Zhao Yun bleeding?" Liu Bei asked as he walked up.
"Because you made him feel left out in your little exclusive 'oath brothers' club." Shang pulled on her husband's pant leg to force him to sit next to her.
"I don't understand why he's bleeding though."
"Little taste of Rome." Zhou Tai smiled. These people were psychotic, but fun.
"Oh." Bei sighed.
"So Tai," Sun Shang Xiang grinned mischievously. "You going to wear anything special for your wedding?"
"You mean clothes?" Tai said knowing where she was going with her little comment.
"Or lack there of." Shang smiled at Ying. "Did he tell you that he saved Quan stark naked?"
"No..."Ying pouted. "Why wouldn't you tell me that?"
"Your imagination didn't need another scenario." Tai squeezed her shoulder.
"Naked huh?" Cal leaned back into her tree and smirked. "Hell, I guess I'd strip for the emperor's sake. Might not help much, when this vests comes off my tits don't look so big."
"Well...if it came down to it." Yue Ying shrugged and smiled as Liu Bei's face began to turn pink. "For the glory of Shu right? I mean Tong can't be the only strategist taking off his clothes for the empire."
"Now, Shang." Cal smiled. "You'd stop the enemy in their tracks."
"You think?" Shang sat up and smiled with the complement. "Really?"
"Sure. Isn't that right Xuande?" Cal grinned.
"Yes...but please don't take off your clothes for anyone but me." Bei hated when the girls did this to him.
"Really?" Shang jumped up. "What do you think Tai?"
"That question is not only going to get me in trouble with your husband...but also my fiancé. I pass."
"Now, I do believe that I have a date with the great and honorable Zhao Yun." Cal stood up and bowed.
"Nice work general." Liu Bei growled as Shang ran over to ask Wei Yan and Huang Zhong their opinions.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"So what's wrong with you?" Cal snapped Zhao Yun's little gold armband and smiled warmly.
"Nothing's wrong with me I just thought you wanted family."
"Mmm...you're lonely." Cal frowned.
"Am I doing something wrong? I have all these women following me everywhere, yet I can't seem to find one I like." Yun toyed with the Fierce Dragon and looked down at the grass.
"Maybe Yue Ying has the right idea. Maybe you are gay."
Yun wrapped his arm around her neck and squeezed. "Not funny."
"So defensive..." Cal looked into his warm chocolate eyes and saw a degree of worry. "Are you serious about this?"
"No, I so often complain about things that don't bother me."
"You honestly think you're going to be alone forever?"
"Up until recently you felt the same way."
"Well because I am different. You are...well you. Good god you have women clawing your clothes off man! What is the big deal?"
"Even after you married Lu Bu...you still felt like you were destined to be alone."
"It was a business deal, nothing more. One of us was going to end up dead...and he was playing my game." Cal narrowed her eyes. "But I never left you...right? Now I am going to leave with Chao eventually. Ditch you like Liu Bei did."
"I want you to be happy."
"I don't want to leave you either." She frowned. "Xiliang is really far away." It was very true, since the beginning they had found common ground and they become closer as the years past. Finally she had a friend that understood her, but it was much more. He looked out for her and she loved that feeling. Knowing that someone was trying to protect her from herself somehow made it seem like she was a worthwhile person.
"Yeah and I'll be in Cheng Du. Guan Yu, Zhang Fei, Liu Bei, Sun Shang Xiang, You, Chao and Yue Ying will all be off with their families. Pang Tong will never leave his harem and Wei Yan and Huang Zhong will go off on their cross-country hunting expeditions. Leaving me, by myself, to wonder what it's really like to be happy with someone."
"So..." Cal stretched out across his lap. "Were we supposed to go off on some crazy adventure? You helping damsels in distress me killing the offender with a quick slice to the jugular?"
"I don't know. I just pictured us having more time."
"I'm taking your new friend away too. I'm such a bitch."
"I really am happy for you both."
"Zilong, you're a really good man. There's a woman out there waiting for you." Cal smirked. "Or a very beautiful man."
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Hey whelp!" Huang Zhong shouted over the heads of the crowd in the marketplace of Yi Ling. "Over this way."
Wei Yan frowned and hoisted Lu Xi onto his shoulders before pushing through the hordes of people. The coming battle had many citizens nervous and they were stocking up on food. As if that was going to do any good. Zhong had insisted that he knew a woman here that had a fruit stand and he could probably strike a deal with her. Yan was babysitting little Xi anyhow, so it wasn't like he really cared where they were doing it. As he moved towards the grinning old man Xi screamed and smacked him on the head. Stupid kid was just as violent as his parents, but he adored him anyway. "Where?"
"Ummm...I think it was down here somewhere?" Zhong kept moving until he saw the small house and the produce cart outside. "There it is..."
Yan followed him over and looked at the young woman attending to the mobile shop. She was a very average looking woman, black hair, brown eyes about 5' 4" and a very definitive look on her face that gave him the feeling that she had lived through a lot and really didn't take shit from anyone. If Zhong knew this girl from a while back he's be surprised, she just didn't seem to be his type. Way too young. "Her?"
"No..." Zhong smiled charmingly at the young lady and looked around. "Um..is there a delightful woman by the name of Kwan Lin that lives around here?"
Yan rolled his eyes. He took a closer look at the woman who was looking them both over and debating whether she really wanted to divulge any information. Something was oddly familiar about her face.
"Yeah, who's asking?"
"An old friend."
"Mother!" the woman shouted without taking her eyes off the pair. Weird visitors for her mother, but her curiosity always got the better of her.
"What is it Jun?" Kwan Lin shuffled out of the residence and saw Huang Zhong. Her quizzically expression quickly turned into a scowl.
"Lin! You look great...how many years has it been now?" Zhong gave her a warm smile.
"Jun, how old are you?"
"Twenty six." Jun answered slowly.
"Well I'd say I haven't seen you in damn near twenty six years plus nine months." Lin replied.
All the four people could hear, despite the annoying sound of the busy marketplace, was Lu Xi's gurgles and squawks. Yan put the child down on the ground and he instantly fell to his knees and began running his hands through the sand of the street. Yan figured the kid would be fine; a little dirt never hurt anyone. So if what this woman was telling the truth then....
"Oh that's just wonderful." Kwan Jun threw her hands up. "As a child when I though about the moment when I finally meet my father I never thought it would be this refined. Thanks mother."
"You mean??" Zhong looked over at Jun and back at Lin.
"Yeah, Hansheng. You're a proud father of a fruit saleswoman."
"Uhh...."
"So who's he?" Jun pointed to Wei Yan. "Is he your son or your wife?"
Yan chuckled. For some reason the people of this region thought that Zhong and Yan were a couple and Xi was their child. It was a very disgusting but amusing thought and he really didn't care what people said anyhow. He never cared. "Friend."
"So that kid is?"
"Lu Xi." Wei Yan answered and the child screeched when he heard his name. "Friend's."
"You really talk a lot don't you?"
"Hmmmm..."
"Well pick that brat up out of the road and bring him inside. I think we're all going to have story time and find out all about the origins of Kwan Jun." Jun looked at her parents. "Right?"
"Uhhhh..." Zhong looked over at his daughter. "Hi."
"Hello. Who are you?" Jun asked.
"Huang Zhong."
"Great. Nice to meet you, please don't get my mother knocked up again." Jun waved to Wei Yan. "Okay pal, inside."
Yan scooped Xi up in his arm and pulled Zhong inside with him. "Nice ...going."
"Well you might as well tell us what you've been up to Zhong." Lin followed them and reentered her house.
"Nice hat." Jun shook her head. One damned thing after another. Good god, could her family get any more weird?
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
"Xuande ?"
"Yes dear." Liu Bei continued to write down strategy proposals for the war council being held the next day. He had scrolls and maps strewn all over the table and was trying to see some sort of pattern in the tactics employed by Sima Yi in previous battles. Other than being wary of women wearing pink, he couldn't read into the man's plans at all. It bothered him. What bothered him more was Cal's first impression of the man. "He's good. We need to watch him." Followed promptly by,"Much more likeable than Kongming or Zhou Yu. He's really good." It was all they knew about him, and it was driving him crazy.
"You're not a strategist honey." Sun Shang Xiang walked up behind him and pulled his hair up into a ponytail. With a small strand of ribbon she tied it and smiled. Suppressing a smile she pressed her naked breasts into her husband's neck.
Bei stopped everything and let his eyes drift down to the two rather large perky breasts that now sat upon his shoulders. Certainly no burden ever felt that good. He gulped and gave one last glance at his paperwork before dropping his pen.
Shang giggled as he toyed with her nipples and huskily whispered, "I don't have the herbal remedy equipped."
Bei's mind was so clouded with desire he hardly understood the implications of that sentence. Within a minute the realization hit him like an arbalest volley. "You mean..."
"I think I'm ovulating...at least according to that calendar Tong gave me."
"Really?"
"Yeah, and the more we do it....the better our chances are." Shang ran the backs of her hands down his flushed cheeks. How adorable he was. Still embarrassed by talking about sex with his wife....such a cutie.
"Well...I suppose I have done enough for the country today." Not to mention I've been staring at your pornographic trading card for half the day. Thank god I took that away from Zhang Fei.
"Yes...now it's time to service me." She laughed knowing that any dirty talk only turned him a deeper shade of red. With a practiced spin she moved from behind his chair onto his lap in a mere two steps. "I wish you would wear your silk robe more...I like taking that off better."
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
AN: Ugh, this chapter took me forever. I had to make some kind of transitionary chapter to launch into the next array of mishaps that is going to plague the three kingdoms, so I apologize if this isn't the best piece of work I have put out. Kwan Jun is an OC created for Lacitar13, I just had to give Wei Yan someone that adored him. The man needs a break. She is a joint effort, and I like her so she's officially Wei Yan's woman in each of my fics now.
On to the reviews:
Abbasabu: I know, bad author. I got distracted by my other fics, my crappy homepage and pretty much anything that wasn't this fic. I have a terrible tendency to do that when I'm excited about the segment that is almost three chapters away. Doesn't make sense, if I wrote the dumb things I could get there faster...oh well. No, I'm not busy with school haven't been in a while. (wasn't really when I was there anyhow. ;-)), but life is sure being pushy and getting in the way of my writing. Cat breaking his ankle, brake lines corroding and exploding (really exciting to replace your brake lines in a home depot parking lot...really.), trying to put in a new floor before winter, some identity theft issues
..okay I'm rambling. Anyhow, I'm glad everyone's happy with the way this is going, because around chapter 20 the reviews began to alter the course of the story a bit. When this thing is all finished, I'm going to have to type up all those unused scenarios. You'd be amazed at how evil I really am.;-)
Turmoil911: Am I that transparent? I have been angling for a joint adventure into Nanman territory, although it won't happen for a little while. People need to go off and start some families before it's too late, but I thought it would be humorous to stick all those people into that stupid level. (Definitely going with the DW3 Nanman though.) So much running around, I can have a ball having generals crossing each others paths. May even let Zhu Rong kidnap a male general so she can rape him. Seriously, Kessen II alluded to that scenario. Watch out Liu Bei she's grabby! Oh and I know I killed Xiahou Yuan at the wrong battle...I was being lazy. Plus I was adhering too close to the canon story and I had shaken things up enough that I needed to start warping history a bit.
SexieVixen: I may still Shang wail on her brother. It would just be too much fun. I would have to let Zhou Tai and Yue Ying depart for their honeymoon first. Leave Quan open to an attack. But you're going to put Quan in some deep shit yourself..aren't you?
Lady of the Moon and Stars: Welcome aboard! Noticed in your profile you're on the Academic Team. I used to be involved in that in HS, but I haven't run into anyone else who even heard of that activity since. Anyhow, may the retention of useless knowledge bring you many victories. ;-)
Hopefully this chapter wasn't too bad. I was reluctant to make Cal and Zhao Yun sworn siblings, but it struck me as funny. Poor guy must have felt horrible running with the boys in the early days. "We are the virtuous oath brothers...oh and Zhao Yun." But he's lonely and he needs someone to protect plus it ensures he stays in contact with them once they go to XiLiang. I need to shut up now...and go write another chapter for Lunar Spear. Sorry about the rant!