Psychology
Not the best timing on her part.
Squidward knew that this Friday night date with his husband wouldn't be all caviar and roses when a random young woman-eel stole his wallet the minute he walked through the door.
Needless to say, husband was put on fetching-back duty. "Hey, uh, lady?" he gingerly asked her at the bar. "I don't know if you're aware, but you just took my mate's wallet; uh, if you could be so kind as to---"
But he never finished his sentence.
"NO! I WON'T SLEEP WITH YOU TONIGHT, YOU SICK PERVERT!"
Squilliam had to slink back to his seat, all eyes on him, clean forgetting the wallet.
"What the hell was that about?" interrogated Squidward when he got back.
"I wasn't trying to sleep with her, I swear, Squiddy." Hands up in defense. "She just accused me with no proof."
"Geez, that chick's a nutter."
"Tell me about it, hon."
A few minutes later, the same eel came up to their table. "Here's your wallet back. Sorry about embarrassing you two like that," she whispered, giving the offending item back to Squidward. "I'm a psychology student, and I'm seeing how people react to embarrassing situations. Hope I didn't offend you or anything."
Squidward was going to launch into a tirade about how stealing a man's wallet wasn't the best way to go about a psychological analysis. But fortunately, he was saved from digging a deeper hole by his partner, who got back at her in the only way he knew how.
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200?!"
(Author's note: as of now, chapter submission is closed to the public. That whole thing was a bad idea to begin with.)