Author's Note: I hope you enjoyed last weeks cliffhanger. It seems people generally like cliffhangers in the same way they like a really nasty dose of 'flu, and yet I keep writing them because I like to watch you all suffer. Hopefully, the payoff will be worth it. Be warned, there is mathematics in this chapter. You can pretend it's magic if that makes you feel more comfortable, though.
I am hoping you guys will be kicking yourself for not guessing what Engineer's been up to. That's what I hope will happen! Let me know if I've managed it.
Artwork is at sanctuscecidit deviantart com, with an extra: a portrait of Miss Pauling in battle fatigues, being her usual badass self. Hope you like it!
Send In The Clones: Part Three
Chapter Thirty-Six: Plagiarism and Hypocrisy
Engineer had to admit he was nervous. It didn't happen to him very often- the ability to fix most problems that came his way had given him a relaxed attitude to the unexpected, but this time, he knew exactly what to expect: the mercenaries would most likely never speak to him again, especially Medic. And he'd deserve their scorn, every last bit of it.
Heavy had insisted they all take a shower ('Because you all stink like dead fish', in the Russian's own words) and then eat a full meal before Engineer was allowed to show them his private little scheme, and now they were all gathered outside his workshop, ready and waiting for his announcement that would no doubt make them his enemies for life.
No matter what, I know I did the right thing, even if they'll hate my guts for it.
"Right, so I got a confession to make." Engineer started without any more introduction. "When this all started, I knew I had to find out if whoever is sending the robots was usin' my work."
"The Violet Engineer's work." Spy pointed out. "The man whose hand does the deed carries the guilt."
"I know that!" Engineer snapped, before pausing and rubbing the back of his neck. "See, even if it's not me doing it, it's a man with my thoughts and my memories. So I found myself wondering: could I end up goin' down that road? I didn't like how that felt. I decided I had to take a closer look at these robots. I had to, you understand?"
"What," Miss Pauling said in a flat, threatening voice, "Have you got locked up in there?"
"A Soldierbot." Engineer admitted. "I captured it in our very first..."
"LET ME AT IT! I WILL KICK ITS ASS INTO THE NEXT MILLENIUM!" Soldier shouted, shoving past Engineer. Heavy grabbed him and pulled him back.
"I get it first, I will crush it into tiny leetle robot pieces." He snarled.
"Save some fer me, I want to keep it slow." Demo added, balling his hand into a fist and punching his palm meaningfully.
"I can't believe you, of all people, would do this! Don't you realise what a massive security breach this is? It could have transmitted data on us all! It could..."
"I want to see this thing! Bro, got your bat?"
"Sure have. Let's waste it! Who's with me?"
"Schweigen!" Medic suddenly barked, making everyone turn and look at him in surprise and puzzlement. He cleared his throat. "It means 'be quiet'. I trust Engineer's judgement on zhis. How have you contained zhe robot?"
"Well, Doc, you kinda gave me the idea." He confessed. "You know, when you...ah, dang nab it, best y'all come and see."
The group followed Engineer into his workshop and he took a deep breath and then whipped a tarpaulin off a small object on the large central bench. Blue light lit up the room. There were various gasps, and finally, a strangled noise from Medic.
"Mein Gott." He said, hesitantly walking closer to the bench and rubbing his throat unconsciously. He suddenly gave a short, high-pitched laugh. "Vell, zhat brings back memories."
On the bench, attached to a car battery by a couple of crocodile clips, was the fully functional head of a Soldier robot. The head swivelled towards the group, its blue eyes glowing.
"I am a robot." It stated. "Beep."
"It ain't too bright." Engineer admitted. "I'm pretty darn sure the Violet Engineer didn't write its AI."
"Dude, you're sick." Rick said, his eyes wide.
"It's cool though." Bobby admitted.
"I'd sack you for this, Engineer," Miss Pauling stated, "Except I'm not even sure I'm employing you any more."
"I wouldn't do that, Soldier." Engineer warned as the man reached over to prod the robot head. "He bites. Believe it, it's a good thing my fingers can be replaced easy. Tell the fellas what your name is."
"Soldierbot, 8825d-121, rank, General."
"General?" Heavy asked.
"I think it's makin' that up." Engineer said with a shrug and a slight smile. "Sometimes it's an Admiral, or a Major-General. It once decided it was a Field-Marshal."
"I presume you have a reason for showing us this abomination beyond a childish wish to shock us?" Spy asked.
"See, this is what I figured: these things had to be communicating with their home base somehow, right? Their AI just ain't up to coordinating the fights. So I had a look inside Soldierbot's head and found out what frequencies he was transmitting."
"This thing has been contacting its superiors from within this base?" Miss Pauling asked in astonishment. "How stupid are you?"
"Hold on there, Miss." Engineer said, holding his hands up placatingly. "It's shielded in here, no radio signals can get in or out. He can't get a hold of his home base. All I wanted was the frequencies. From then on, finding the home base was just a case of simple mathematics. What do y'all know about triangulation?"
Miss Pauling blinked, and then her eyes went wide. "Ohh...that's brilliant."
"Hrrr!" Pyro said, jumping and clapping his hands excitedly.
"Very clever. Vhy didn't you ask me to help, zhough? Zhis vould have been fun." Medic said.
"I wasn't really doing it for fun." Engineer explained, feeling his spine prickle with relief. It seemed Medic would not be trying to remove his liver today. I should have known the Doc wouldn't react like a normal person would. Does he even understand the difference between 'horrific' and 'interesting'?
"Think I've missed some of the conversation here." Sniper complained.
"Yeah, what's this shit about triangles?" Bobby asked.
"Honestly, did none of you do high-school math?" Miss Pauling said impatiently. "Look, it's simple: If you want to find out where a radio signal is coming from, you go to three different places..."
"Or more." Medic pointed out helpfully. "To allow for errors."
"Or more, yes, and see what direction the signal comes from. Then you draw lines on a map and they all meet where the signal starts."
"I have done it a few times to find targets." Spy said, tapping ash from his cigarette. Engineer glared at him and shoved an ashtray in his direction. "I presume you have found our enemy then?"
"I think so, yep." He rolled out a map. "Here, smack dab in the middle of the Bahamas." Engineer jabbed the curly paper meaningfully.
"The Bahamas...the Bahamas...why've I heard that on the news recently? I remember thinking it was odd at the time..." Miss Pauling asked herself, tapping her lips with a finger. "...Oh, yes, that was it, but it's only sort of related. The Gray Gravel Company is based there. They're the people that are trying to take over Mann. Co. now that its stock values have dropped through the floor. I bet Saxton Hale is flipping his desk right now."
Engineer felt ice trickle down his neck, and he stared at the young woman in sudden, horrible realisation. He heard Spy and Sniper both gasp as well.
"Oh..." She said thoughtfully. "You think..."
"The civilian casualties, the destruction, the world panic- was it all engineered just to take over a business?" Spy said, the visible parts of his face going grey with horror. "That is...a special kind of evil."
"Some will do anything to make their own life better." Heavy said, folding his arms grimly. "No matter who suffers."
"I don't understand." Medic said. "Vhy vould anyone vant to run a business? Isn't zhat razher boring?"
"They get fast cars and loose women..." Rick said.
"...That's gotta make up for the boring bits." Bobby added.
"Not my idea of a good time." Sniper said. "Too noisy. Too many people."
"WE HAVE TO STOP THIS." Soldier shouted, slamming his fist hard into the work bench. The robot head leapt and fell on its side. "This traitor is twisting the American Dream to suit his own ends."
"Oh really?" Spy said sarcastically. "I would have thought this is precisely what the so-called 'American Dream' aspires to be: profit and business, no matter the cost to others. Selfishness above all else."
"Come and say that to my face, you cheese-eating surrender monkey." Soldier growled, grabbing Spy's lapels and bringing him to within spitting distance.
"Sleep lightly tonight, Soldier." Spy said quietly, glaring unwaveringly at the bigger man.
"Pack it in, yer pair o' big girl's blouses!" Demo said, pulling Soldier off the skinny Frenchman. "Ye can all kill each other once we've dealt with this Gray Gravel place, right?"
"Beep-boop, maggots." The Soldierbot head suddenly interjected. Engineer absent-mindedly picked it up and placed it upright again.
"Yeah, it's great to talk about going out and fightin' this company, all guns blazing," Sniper pointed out, "But we've fought hundreds of robots over the last few days. How many do y'think they've got buzzin' about in that base? Thousands? Tens of thousands?"
"Hrrrd nrrrh hn hrrrmrrr." Pyro muttered.
"What did leetle Pyro say?" Heavy asked.
"He said 'We'd need an army.' He's right." Miss Pauling said gloomily. "I don't... think we can stop this. All we can do is keep on fighting and wear him down. We have to keep trying, guys."
The group filed out of the workshop and back towards the rec room. They sat down in a dour silence.
"Sorry y'all." Engineer said sadly. "I did my best."
"You did well." Heavy assured him. "Now we all rest for tomorrow's fighting, da?"
"Why?" Spy suddenly snapped. "What is the point? No matter how many robots we destroy, Gray Gravel will make more. Gentlemen, we have achieved nothing!"
"Way to be a downer, dude." Bobby said reproachfully.
"An army." Medic said thoughtfully, apparently talking to himself. He tapped his fingers on the arm of his chair. "An army..."
"Gerhardt?"
The German looked around from person to person. He frowned briefly, and then suddenly smiled.
"Er, Doc? Somethin' the matter?"
"Es ist so offensichtlich!" The doctor started to laugh, looking around at the mercenaries. "Can't you see? Ve already have everyzhing ve need to defeat zhese robots! Everyzhing!" He saw the baffled expressions of his companions and laughed even louder, his voice rising into an hysterical giggle until Heavy grabbed him and shook his shoulders roughly. He blinked and looked at them all with a maddened grin.
"See what?" Demo asked, his fingers clutching at the arms of the chair warily.
"I think it is time for Doktor to sleep." Heavy said firmly.
"Nein, nein, listen..." Medic gave a final gasping giggle, gulped and then excitedly explained his idea, waving shaking hands in the air enthusiastically. Engineer felt his mouth drop open. Medic's idea was obvious, elegant, and utterly, utterly horrible.
"No!" Demo cried, leaping to his feet first, following by Sniper and Spy.
"How can even conceive of such an idea?" Spy demanded. "It is unspeakable!"
"No way, mate." Sniper said.
"Stoopid, stoopid!" Heavy protested. "Is very bad idea."
"Hrr srrrrn!" Pyro said, shaking in disgust.
"I will not do this silly thing, for it is a thing and it is silly." Soldier stated.
"Doc, you are fucking sick." Rick said flatly.
"What he said." Bobby nodded.
"We can't do that." Engineer stated. "We just...can't. What kind of people would we be?"
"I like it." Miss Pauling said with a shrug.
"What?" Sniper asked.
"Yes, it sounds bad, but world domination by a ruthless and murderous super-corporation would be a lot worse, for a lot more people." Miss Pauling pointed out reasonably. "Remember what I said about tragedies and statistics?"
"I remember, and it convinces me no more now than it did then." Spy said.
"Has anyone got any better ideas?" Miss Pauling asked sharply. "No? Fine, we'll just sit by and let the world end, ok? Good luck living with yourselves after that, knowing you could have stopped it."
"Ve have to do zhis." Medic leant back, folding his arms and looking sternly at the group. "You know it as vell as I do."
The mercenaries looked at each other and fidgeted for a few moments.
"Chyort." Heavy sighed. "Gerhardt is right. Bad thing will stop worse thing. Is only choice we have."
"I'll go along with it," Engineer said, suddenly clenching his jaw in determination, "But on one condition: if we find the Violet Engineer, I get to deal with him. Y'all got that?"
"I had thought," Spy said softly, almost to himself, "That my days of morally questionable behaviour were over. Project Pelargonia filled me with fire- I had joined a mission I could believe in. Then, I realised I was on the wrong side, so I turned cloak. Black and white, good and evil; it had all become simple. Now I realise I was fooling myself, all along. The world is...messy."
"Bloody poofter." Sniper said, patting the Frenchman affectionately on the shoulder. Spy glared at him.
"So, any objections?" Miss Pauling asked briskly. "No? Good. Let's all get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day."
In Chapter Thirty-Seven: Medic puts his plan into action and we find out what Gray's plans are.
Translations:
Es ist so offensichtlich! - It's so obvious!