The Reader

Disclaimer: JKR is a much better writer. And I don't own the Wizard of Oz, Battlestar Galactica, Sunshine, The Lord of the Rings, or anything else I may reference. (This list is gonna get seriously long if I have to keep mentioning every one.) Title from the song "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz.

Rating: M...ish. Just for this chapter.

Summary: See prologue.

Chapter 36: I Won't Hesitate No More

Sirius entered the school as a dog, since we'd decided it wasn't a very good idea to scare the students. The first thing we saw was Harry and Malfoy with their wands pointed at each other, in the middle of a heated argument.

"Potter!"

Snape was there before us.

"What are you doing, Potter?"

Did none of what was going on faze the man? How does someone just go on in their hatred when there are so many bigger things at play?

"I'm trying to decide what curse to use on Malfoy, sir."

What a polite explanation.

Snape was obviously shocked. He tried to take out his frustration on Gryffindor's House points, but McGonagall showed up before he could do too much damage.

Sirius bounded over to Harry, barking happily. McGonagall shot him a stern look.

"What is that doing here?" Snape sneered.

A few students had gathered in the hall in response to the change in House points. Sirius growled at Snape, but the situation was tricky. We didn't know what would happen if he revealed himself, if Fudge had kept his promise, if word had gotten out.

Malfoy's mouth was moving into a very evil smile...

"He's mine!" I shouted, running over. "I'm sorry, Professor. He got away from me."

Malfoy's expression turned sour, and McGonagall was now staring him down, as if she were daring him to say something.

Snape didn't miss a beat. "Taking in the stray now, are we, Thrace?"

There were more implications in that statement than I could count. And all of them were true. Not that this bothered me.

"Eh," I said. "Snuffles is a free spirit, but he's been sticking by me lately."

"Snuffles" nudged at my hand with his nose. It was wet. I snatched my hand aside and wiped it on my pants.

"Is there a reason you're here, Thrace?" McGonagall asked sharply.

"I actually need to see Madame Pomfrey," I said sheepishly.

"Did you get hurt?" Harry asked, a hint of worry in his voice. I was surprised. We weren't close. Would it really bother him if something happened to me?

"Just a few cracked ribs," I said. "Nothing to worry about."

"Potter, why don't you show Thrace and...Snuffles to the hospital wing," ordered McGonagall. "Mr. Malfoy, don't you have somewhere to be?"

Draco took off, but not without one last loathsome look at Harry. Snape swept away in the direction of the dungeons, and our audience, realizing nothing interesting was going to happen, began to dissipate as well.

Harry was quiet all the way to the hospital wing. I could tell he was itching to talk to Sirius, even though he'd just seen him the night before. I wondered how the conversation in Dumbledore's office had changed, now that there was less anger and guilt involved.

Harry closed the door behind us, then looked carefully across at one of the beds. The woman I supposed to be Umbridge was asleep. Harry nodded to Sirius, and he transformed.

"Harry!" someone called. Across the wing was a small knot of his friends, the ones who had been injured the night before, the night that felt so long ago. He rushed over to meet them, and Sirius followed.

I left them to talk.

Madame Pomfrey was sitting in her office when I walked in.

"Well, I haven't seen you in a while," she said curtly. "Here to see the Potter boy?"

"Not specifically, no," I told her. "I got myself into a bit of a mess last night."

"You and everybody else." Madame Pomfrey sighed. "Honestly, students chasing after Death Eaters!"

"Actually I think it was the Death Eaters who did most of the chasing," I corrected her.

She glared at me. "A miracle none of them were killed."

"Indeed," I said softly.

"Alright, what's wrong with you?" she asked, indicating the examination table set against one wall.

I lifted myself cautiously onto it. The movement hurt.

"I may have broken a rib or two," I explained.

"Hmm. And you couldn't fix that yourself?"

I shook my head. "I find it a little easier to perform spells on other people."

"Very well," Madame Pomfrey said. "Let's see you."

I stripped off my shirt, then waited while she inspected the enormous bruise. It made me look rather deformed.

"Well, you certainly did a good job," Madame Pomfrey stated, going for her wand and a few potions. "Mind telling me why you didn't come here last night?"

"I had other things to attend to," I said.

She raised an eyebrow. I doubted anything would have sufficed as an excuse for my lack of attention to my health. She was a healer, I got that, but in my mind, my physical well-being was way down on my list of priorities.

Didn't matter, though. The bruise was gone almost immediately. The actually repairing of the bones took a little longer and several potions, but then I was fine.

"Don't overexert yourself over the next few days," Madame Pomfrey warned as she packed everything away. "And what's this here?" she asked, tilting my face so she could see the gash that ran along my temple.

"Hit my head," I said. Duh.

"Someone found time to fix that up, I see," she said. "Not a bad job either. Who did it?"

"Sirius," I told her.

Her eyebrows shot up. "Black? Dumbledore told me he was innocent. It's supposed to be in the papers today."

"Is it really?" I asked, excited. I jumped down from the table. "Thank you, Madame Pomfrey." I ran back out into the main wing.

Sirius was seated in the midst of the kids, who were giving him a detailed description of Fred and George's last Hogwarts prank. His bark-like laugh rang out through the hall, and I wondered when Madame Pomfrey would come storming out, ordering him away.

McGonagall beat her to it.

"BLACK!" her crisp voice resonated off the walls. "What do you think you're doing? You're going to scare the students! Potter, get him someplace he won't be seen."

Sirius groaned.

"S'alright, Sirius," Harry said, standing up. "We'll use the Room of Requirement."

"Wish we could go," Ron muttered.

I sent him an apologetic smile, and we made our way out of the hospital wing. I left them at the Room of Requirement, promising to come back with food from the kitchens. I planned to leave it with them and find something else to occupy myself. When it came to Sirius' relationship with Harry, I felt like an intruder.

I took a round-about route, trying to avoid too much traffic. I wasn't exactly in a people mood. Too much on my mind.

I was so...content. I knew I didn't deserve any of it, that somehow I'd slipped into someone else's good fortune. I didn't even care that I couldn't spend every minute with him, that, now he was cleared and there was a war to fight, we both had other things we would have to do. I'd already been granted more time than I should have had.

The relief was the strongest. I'd been on the verge of the unfathomable, and it hadn't come. I'd swum against the tide and managed to bring my anchor in with me. However deadly the occupants of the shore, I wasn't alone in facing them.

Strange as it sounds, I didn't doubt for an instant he'd always be there with me.

I was so lost in my thoughts, I took a wrong turn. In navigating myself back, I ended up passing Dumbledore's office, just as he was leaving it.

"Ah, Miss Thrace," he exclaimed at the sight of me. "All's well, I hope?"

"It is," I said. "At least, as far as I know."

He smiled. "I'm glad to hear it. I'm afraid this isn't the end, it's only the beginning, but I am immensely pleased to see you've at least found some measure of happiness."

I frowned. "I don't understand, sir. I mean, why should that be important?"

Dumbledore reflected for a moment, as though he was trying to find a way to explain it to me. "When you are in battle, Miss Thrace," he finally said, "what is it you are fighting for?"

The obvious answer, right and justice and all that jazz, was not the right one, I could tell. So I thought for a moment. When it clicked, it was so simple I couldn't understand why I'd never understood it before.

"My friends," I said. "I fight for the people I care about. Not for justice, or glory, or some high ideal that is much bigger than me. I fight for individual lives."

Dumbledore nodded. "Quite right. Now, if individual lives are worth fighting for, shouldn't individual happiness also be important?"

"What about Harry, sir?" I asked quickly. "Wouldn't he be more happy staying with Sirius?"

"I'm afraid that is one of the circumstances where it is necessary to choose between individual life and happiness," said Dumbledore sadly. "Harry will stay with his aunt and uncle. We discussed it last night."

I nodded, understanding.

"But, with Sirius freed, there is no reason they cannot see more of each other," Dumbledore went on. "I intend to send him to the Weasleys for the latter part of the summer, and Arthur and Molly have extended the invitation to Sirius as well."

But not to me.

"Although I rather think Sirius will be content to stay at Grimmauld Place now," said Dumbledore. "He now has other obligations to attend to." The look he gave me was full of meaning.

"Thank you, sir," I said, though I'm not sure why, and I set off again, winding my way down to the kitchens.

The excitement took place as we left the school. It was late in the afternoon. Harry was walking with us to the entrance, when a couple of boys I didn't recognize sprinted over to him.

"Harry! Harry, have you heard?" one asked, skidding to a stop in front of us. "Sirius Black has been cleared! They're saying he's innocent."

"Harry, what are you going to do?" asked the other boy. He had an Irish accent, and I assumed he must be Seamus Finnigan.

"Congratulate him," said Harry with a grin, and beside him, Sirius resumed his human form, turned and picked me up, twirling me around.

There were a couple screams, a room full of gasps, but Sirius and Harry's laughter drowned out it all.

"Alright, Mr. Formerly Convicted Murderer!" I said. "Put me down!"

Sirius obeyed, but kept one arm wrapped tightly around my shoulders. He grinned down at Seamus and the other boy, who I supposed to be Dean Thomas.

"Hi," said Sirius.

We apparated from Hogsmead to a street a few blocks from Grimmauld Place, so Sirius could enjoy the novelty of being able to walk in the open without anyone trying to arrest him. It was odd to amble along like that, with his arms around my shoulders, and mine around his waist. All I could think was how quickly life could turn on you.

"You know it's funny," Sirius said, breaking into my already scattered thoughts. "This past year, all I've wanted was to get out of that house, and now, all day I've been itching to get home again."

My heart sort of jumped, fully aware of what he meant. I was going to play naive though.

"Miss Kreacher that much, do ya?" I asked slyly.

He glared at me. "Hardly."

We'd reached our destination. We ascended the invisible steps. Sirius took down the wards, then replaced them as we stepped inside. We snuck past his mother. Silently, I vowed to find a way to take her down. Maybe I could just paint over her.

We reached the stairs, twisting both up and down.

"Hungry?" Sirius asked.

"Not really," I told him. My heart was now pounding loud enough to wake Mrs. Black. I vaguely remembered Madame Pomfrey's warning about not over-exerting myself, but I didn't care. I had never wanted anything as much as the man in front of me.

"Kara?" he said, hesitating.

For a moment, fear shot through me. What if he didn't want me? It may seem silly, after all that had happened, but I wasn't all that young anymore. There were lines on my face, scars on my hands. I was beaten and broken, inside and out, and it was preposterous to assume someone would want the task of putting me back together again.

I met his gaze, knowing he would have no trouble identifying the uncertainty in my eyes. I noted his breathing had changed. It was coming out quicker and more ragged, but only just so. You wouldn't notice if you weren't paying attention.

Like I said, he knew me well, and he knew that I couldn't make the first move.

He kissed me slowly, carefully. For a moment I hated how we always approached this as something breakable. We were both adults. We knew what we were doing. It's just that...when you've spent so much time building something, when it comes time to use it, you're afraid it'll crumble at the first test.

He pulled away to rest his forehead on mine, and my breathing now matched the erratic pattern of his own.

"Kara?" he asked again. "Are you...ready?"

I smirked. "I don't know. I'm a little concerned about you."

His forehead knitted together as he stared at me quizzically. "About me?"

"Well," I explained, trying to keep my face straight and failing. "You're an old man now. I'm a little worried about your...stamina."

He rolled his eyes, seized me around the waist, no longer gentle, and shoved me up against the wall of the hallway.

When his mouth came down on mine, it was with all the fury that was in him.

This was better. I was tired of holding back, so I gave him everything I had, and maybe more.

Overexertion, my ass.

I was hardly aware of what my hands were doing. They were in his hair, gripping his shoulders. All I could concentrate on were his lips, and the feel of him pressed up against me.

His hands were moving confidently. One slipped under my shirt, and I felt a new rush of shivers crackle along my spine. He pressed more firmly against me, supporting me with his entire body, and my body throbbed in response. He changed tactics, his lips shuffling along my jaw-line until they reached my neck, where he lingered for a little while.

We were both panting when he decided to move. We had to break apart for a moment here...and then again...just to make sure we made it up the stairs. There were a lot of stairs. Why did his house have to be so damn tall?

He dropped me carefully on the bed and soon had me pinned beneath him. I shifted my legs, spreading them and folding my knees up to cradle him against me. He was kissing me again, fervently, and by now he had my shirt rolled up to my lower bra line.

At one point, as his hands were wandering downward, fumbling with my belt buckle, and I was attempting to unbutton his shirt without actually looking at the buttons, he pulled away again. He looked me right in the eye, and I was shocked at the need I saw there.

I had thought it was just me.

Then his mouth covered mine again, and you can pretty much guess how things went from there.

When we were spent, I lay concentrating on deep breaths and wondering how it was possible to feel so connected to another person. For it had been like our bodies already knew each other. Together they made a melody that could not have been sung with any other accompaniment.

"Still worried about my stamina?" he asked, grinning over at me.

"Nope," was all I could say.

He laughed and moved so he could hold me to him. I rested my head on his shoulder, not speaking for a time.

He broke the silence eventually. "We've wasted a lot of time, Kara."

I almost agreed, but I couldn't find it in myself to complain about how things had turned out.

Sirius kissed the top of my head. "What Snape said didn't offend you, did it?"

"He only thought it was offensive," I said. "He doesn't understand. He'll never understand. And I really couldn't care less."

He didn't comment. He didn't need to. "Not tired, I hope?"

"Define 'tired,'" I said. "Because every muscle aches, but I by no means want to go to sleep."

That earned me a quick kiss.

"Me neither," he said. "I feel like I have time to make up for." He shifted so he could look at me properly. "And apparently, thanks to you, I now have that chance."

For another dreadful moment, I recalled what had almost happened. What should have happened.

Ah, screw "should." What's free will if we worry about what was supposed to be?

"What are you going to do now?" I asked.

"Well," Sirius said, "funny you should ask..."