Chapter XXXVII

…

As our principal drones on about God-knows-what, I repeat my monologue over in my head:

My name is Katniss Everdeen. I am seventeen, eighteen in a few weeks. I live in the Seam. I go to school at Capitol Hill. I am top of my class, valedictorian. I drink. I sleep around. I'm a slut. I don't really care... but I kind of do, I care a lot.

The social status of my life and just my life in general is a roller-coaster.

I grew up with Gale Hawthrone as my best friend. Then in the last year some things happened, he told me he loved me and I slept with him in return, and then we weren't on speaking terms. Now were getting back to normal, slowly and steadily. I still visit his siblings, and now when he and his mother are around. I have dinner over the Hawthrone house every other Wednesday and Gale and I hang out with one another when we can.

I'm friends with Finnick O'dair who is dating Annie Cresta. I hang out with Annie who I consider I'm friends with now, she's kind and a sassy person when she wants to be. Finn isn't himself anymore yet he is, he's a better self and that's all Annie's doing. He doesn't fuck around with one person one day and another day anymore, but he's still his bothersome, flirty, annoying self. He's happy. He loves Annie; at least that's what I think.

The only family person I could really ever consider to be a relative of mine now was Haymitch. He went from deadbeat drunk football coach to a righteous temperate football coach for me, me of all people. He became a parental figure for my sake. He's been keeping tabs on me and checking up on me and giving me guidance when needed. He cares about me and I care about him. We're stronger than blood, we're family.

Sae and Emil were the next best thing to family, they're those people who weren't family, but you called them "uncle" or "aunt" anyway. Sae never said much to me other than anything that could be considered "common." She let me be my own person, only really speaking out against me when I stole pickles off of customer's order. Emil was the same way. He let me be my own person. He spoke truthfully and kindly to me. He and Berry were just there for me.

Then there's Peeta Mellark. Peeta. We were working on a class project together for our literature class which led to us becoming friends and then more. He's nice and funny and different and smells like vanilla… and I like that about him. He's changed my life and I don't know how I feel about that, but I do. It's good, he's good. With him there is this spark inside me, this feeling of bliss and happiness I've never left before. I ruined it.

I ruined a lot of thing in my life, but I had just as many wonderful constants.

The house I live in is literally empty, but symbolically filled. In a way I am on my own. Prim is dead as well as my Dad. They are not gone in spirit and nor do I think they ever will be. Mom is gone and there's not much more I can say about that. I don't what I'm doing or where I'm going and I'm okay with that.

I'm okay.

This is me, this is my life.

At some point our principal is done speaking about a wonderful class we were and then our president is standing behind the podium, introducing me.

I slowly stand from my seat in the first row when our president gives me the nod of the head, telling me it's my turn. And so I stand up and run my hands over the maroon robe that I wear, pressing out the wrinkles. I don't bother to fix my cap before making my way up onto the stage. It's then I stand in my classic braid and crooked cap before not only my graduating class, but their friends and family and other love ones.

This was it.

"Family and friends, fellow classmates, factuality and staff, and so on and so on, welcome to this year's Capitol Hill graduation ceremony. Hello and good afternoon."

I pause and look around at my fellow classmates in the aisles before me, dressed in matching maroon gowns and caps. They like the other bystanders seated behind them in the plastic chairs and on the football bleachers baking in the spring sun, bored and in pain.

"I was told my speech could be a maximum of two thousand words, give or taking it to be perhaps five minutes long. You'll be happy to hear that my speech is well less than that. I will speak fast though anyway because God knows there are a number of you family and friends that are regretting coming here today.

Some of you are most likely in the pre-phases of undergoing heat stroke - sorry to all of those dressed in suits this afternoon, my only advice to you is to preserver through - , there are others of you that are on the edge of falling asleep, and there are some of you graduates wishing you had gotten enough detentions to be ineligible to walk today."

I pause again, bracing myself.

"We survived. That's all I can really say to you today, that's the bottom line of our experience at the Hill. Sure, I could tell you it was a rough ride and sometimes there were obstacles that we had overcome, but in the end all we really ever did was survive. We survived our sentence of twelve long years in this educational hell.

But…

I suppose it really wasn't all that bad. I mean, there's a sort of goodness in everything. Some of those obstacles and rough patches made our time at the Hill interesting. We did some productive things and we learned some things and we did a lot of stupid things and in general things just happened."

A number of people, students and others, nod their head in agreement.

"No matter if we were popular or antisocial, we could never truly be alone at the Hill. Even if you really wanted to be, you weren't nor could you be. It's one thing to say the least that we all had in common. We all had a friend to say, even if you hated their guts at time."

Gale nodded his head, smiling.

"A few of us nerded off during science while others, names will not be spoken as I've heard investigation is still going on, stole magnesium from Mrs. Broder's chemistry lab. Sorry about that Mrs. Broder, but you did keep it right out in the open, it was kind of suspected for someone to take it."

Finn smiled with satisfaction, thrusting his fist into the air in triumph.

"Some of the umpa lumpas - for those parents of you who don't know what an umpa lumpa is, it's those who are so badly tanned that they're orange - they miraculously brought our cheer team out of its slump and carried them to Nationals the last three years."

Glimmer's jaw drops and locks in anger while Cato beside her lets out a laugh for which he receives a slap to the chest.

"A good number of us took easy credits like cooking and parenting or whatever that class is called where you get a bag of flour to act as a pretend baby. I must say, Gloss was a great parent, made some pretty good hash brownies with his flour baby."

Thresh nods his head in approval as Gloss gives me a death glare.

"A handful of pranks were pulled at the Hill, and not just on April Fool's Day. There were fruit flies in the cars of the male tennis team and stink bombs in freshman lockers. The best had to be when there were condoms littering the halls last year on Safe Sex Awareness Day."

Marvel smiles, pleased with himself even though it wasn't him who had pulled any of those pranks.

"Some of us were normal though so don't worry parents. Some of those that sit before you today got good grades and went to basketball games, partook in the ad drive and went to school dances, spent late at night went to the drive-thru or the dinner instead of a kegger."

Annie smiles, nodding to me continue.

"But mentioning keggers… I can't say that there weren't any nor can I say there were any. I think you can figure it out adults, you went to high school. And I will plea the 5th if anyone, especially the police, come and ask me question about such things."

Patterson gives me a thumbs up.

"We survived. We survived twelve years of crazy, horrible, fantastic shit that has been thrown at us. A lot has happened and a lot more will happen. The world is filled with so many more experiences than just afternoon detention with Miss Trinket learning proper dinner educate. No offense, Miss, Trinket."

Numerous people smile, suppressing the laughter in the back of this throat.

"Some of you will make it in the world and others won't, that's just the sad truth. And yeah, I know there's a number of you thinking I will be one the ones that doesn't make it. Who knows, I just made five hundred bucks in the last hour, I'm not going to college and some of you shouldn't gamble."

Someone mutters fuck a little too loud and another laughs.

"I know this is the part where I am supposed to quote someone famous and wish you luck, but I won't.

You made it, you survived. And in the next few moments following the end of this speech, our band will play the same song they do every year and you'll be asked to move your tassel to the other side of your cap and then you'll have officially graduated from Capitol Hill.

So I guess this is… congrats."

And with that I nodded my head and walked off stage back to my seat.

Our principal returned to the stage and the band played the song they play every year and we were asked to shift our tassels to the other side of our caps and some people threw their caps into the air and then the ceremony was over.

The football field turns into the land of catastrophe - loved ones embracing, miniature family reunions partaking, friends becoming overwhelmed with emotion, teachers relieved their jobs were done, others cracking open beers, some cheering in conquest, and …

And then through it all, my eye catches Peeta

He's staring at me from across the fifty yard line where he stands. His eyes are fixed on mine, the sun glittering in his blue orbs that it makes him squint the tiniest bit. He has his cap off and his blond hair is a little longer than I remember it, but it's the same mess it always was. His face tightens up when he realizes I've caught him and his lips begin to quirk up.

The moment ends there.

Rye comes over and claps him on the back, causing his body to turn from me. Even when he tries to look over his shoulder at me he can't. By then, Mark is on the other side of him and his brother's, Mark's, girlfriend is in front of him and his father is beside them and there are other family members and friends consuming him, congratulating him and bring him into close embraces.

Soon enough, the crowd of graduates and family members and other bystanders close in and block my view. Peeta disappearing in them.

I nod my head, turning away. I pull off my cap and unzip the front of my gown, making my way off the field. I lose my cap at some point in the parking lot and don't bother to go find it, but let it remain where ever it fell. I find my motorcycle where I parked it under the okay and rev it to life.

Then, I'm gone.

...

Note:

There will most likely be one or two more chapters posted.