Alright, so...some of you caught that...
My bad. It appears that I was just as caught off guard as the characters in this story by a certain little something, thus ensuring their reactions are 100 percent genuine...given their puppet master got embarrassingly tangled in the strings.
If you're unsure what I am referencing, it has to do with the antibiotics in the last chapter...and Bella being on birth control.
*head desk*
There, just had to do that one last time before I purged myself of the erroneous and cheesy blunder. Moving on.
Thank you to everyone who is still with me on this little love story, as well as the stragglers we have swept up along the way. Who knew, hey?
Your reviews and kind words make me smile and fist pump in ways I truly should be humiliated by, but alas...I am not.
xox
I took a cab from Port Angeles, even though the driver at the airport balked when I first opened the back door and told him my destination. Clearly, he was unaware that I had spent the better part of the last seven years in New York City; smelly cab drivers and their complaints hardly even registered with me.
I knew precisely where I was going. I only hoped as the cab sped along the farm road curves into the back entrance of Forks that everyone had stuck to their usual Wednesday morning plans and would be where I expected them to be. I was three days early. On a whim, twelve hours earlier, I threw a few things into a duffle bag, grabbed my printed out reservations for my Saturday evening flight, and went to the airport ticket counter to plead my way onto an earlier plane. No one knew I was there. I was literally vibrating from the inside out with excitement at the idea of seeing everyone again, especially my favourite little ballerina.
I paid the cab, tipped him really well knowing he was pissed about the long, unpaid ride back into Port Angeles, and slung my duffle bag over my shoulder. I carefully retrieved the little pink gift bag overflowing with cream and hot pink tissue paper from its safe place on the floor of the back seat. There was a pretty pink Gerber Daisy I bought at the Seattle airport florist poked into the bag top, smiling brightly. I closed the cab door and made my way across the parking lot with a painfully large smile on my face.
I knew the little community centre building well, both Alice and Bella had taken many different classes there over the years. Emmett even tried his hand at martial arts once, only to be gently assured his bulk may be better suited for the high school football team instead. And while neither of us would ever admit it in public, it was the very same building where, when I was ten and Emmett twelve, our mother forced us through eight weeks of ballroom dancing classes with her.
Fifteen years later, not much had changed with the little brown-shingled building. The rose bushes were the same, the smell inside the musty lobby was the same, and the cracked Formica flooring was the same. I could see the instructor, a local high school girl no doubt, from the front doors where I stood for a moment and dropped my duffle bag, knowing it would be just fine unattended to.
The lilting sway of music poured out of the open double doors from the back they used as the dance studio. I stood for a moment smiling to myself and saw several little bodies dressed in various shades of pink toddle across the floor in front of the doorway. Like a magnet, I was pulled to the room by a force greater than myself. I placed my open palm on the metal door and watched with slightly blurry eyes.
I saw her right away. Corn silk pigtails poking up into the air, pale pink hair bows tied around them, pink tights, and a big puffy tutu that was probably just designed for dress-up and not actual dance class. She was my exact definition of a little piece of perfection.
The kids were all gathered around in a circle…or what was supposed to be a circle but was actually just a dozen little bodies in a haphazard bunch. "Okay kids, now show me your 'happy feet'," the instructor sang and pushed the heels of her feet together and then popped apart her toes in what I knew to be "first position".
A dozen wobble-legged toddlers tried to copy her, some successfully, others tottering until their puffy bottoms met the gray Formica. Warm chuckles could be heard from the row of folding aluminum chairs that was strung along the wall just inside the doorway. I couldn't see them, but I had suffered through enough of Alice's ballet classes in the past to know they were there and they were filled with adoring parents and grandparents with tender smiles on their faces and eyes filled with love, much as mine were.
"Like dat, Papaw?" Olivia asked excitedly, turning to face the row of chairs with her little feet precariously opened, beaming a beautiful, infectious little smile at wherever my father must have been sitting. I heard his deep chuckle and hands clapping and Olivia spun back to face the instructor and promptly toppled over. My father's laughter doubled and beside it, I heard my mother's soft, stifled giggle.
My heart flooded.
I needed this.
So fucking much.
Every Tuesday afternoon my mother drove into Seattle to retrieve Olivia so she could spend the night with her and my father. They then took her to ballet class the following morning in Forks and then out for ice cream for lunch much to Rosalie's continued protests, because that was apparently what grandparent's did. Later, my brother and Rosalie would come to get Olivia and stay for Wednesday night dinner. It had been a year long tradition–a year that I had missed out on almost entirely except the few weeks I was home the previous summer. I was immensely grateful to be there again.
I didn't want to disrupt the class or cause a scene, and I knew they were wrapping up soon, so I stood and watched, leaning against the wall just outside the doorway for the last ten minutes. Olivia giggled profusely. She apparently loved to twirl until she fell over, regardless of what the instructor was asking her to do.
Toe taps. Twirl. Star-jumps. Twirl. Arm waves. Twirl.
My cheeks actually hurt from all the smiling I was doing. My brother was one lucky asshole. She looked just like Rosalie. But she bubbled like Alice. She had my brothers blue eyes.
"Okay, kids," the instructor cooed warmly after changing the song on the portable CD player in the corner of the room to If You're Happy and You Know It. "Do you know what time it is now?" she asked.
Immediately, a dozen chubby little hands obediently piled on top of their heads and their perpetually buzzing bodies stilled perfectly as they yelled in unison, "Stickers!" The instructor went around and told each little kid how well they did, calling them by name and then placing a little sticker on their patient hands atop their head.
"Look, Papaw! A wadybug!" Olivia squealed as she barrelled to the row of chairs and two pairs of eagerly awaiting arms.
I moved into the doorway and shuffled to the side a bit to make room for the people exiting while I waited. A few of the mothers I recognised from my high school. One noticed me as well and smiled as she pretended to listen to the rattling coming from her own two year old as she zipped up her sweater up and guided her toward the door. I smiled back politely and said hello.
"Eddie!" a little voice shrieked from across the room, causing both of my parents to look up. My fathers eyes shined at me and my mothers face scrunched in confusion but her delicate little hand fell to over her heart in a gesture that was so sweet and so my mother that it made me smile even wider. And then Olivia crashed into my knees and I almost fell over the top of her.
"Present?" she asked as she grabbed for the pink bag.
"Uhm, hello to you to, Greedy," I kidded, scooping her up and leaving the gift bag on the floor, much to her dismay. She leaned out of my arms toward the floor for it. So I dipped my face down to interrupt hers and look in her eyes. "'Hello, Uncle Edward I missed you so much,' is what I believe you meant to say." I squeezed her as she squirmed but she giggled heartily as I blew a raspberry on her shoulder. It took one second after that to have her in a complete fit of heart warming giggles as my parents gathered their things and strode over to us.
"I thought you weren't coming until Saturday?" my father asked as he approached.
"Does no one know how to say "hello" properly in this town anymore or what?" I joked. I directed the rest of my sentence to the squirming little thing in my arms. "In my day I'd get quite the stern look or whack on the back of the head if I were that rude, you know? What is it that you are going to get now?"
"Ice cream!" Olivia shouted and successfully wriggled her way to the floor where she was able to rip the flower from the gift bag before I could snatch it up. She plopped down to the floor sniffing it dramatically in such a cute way we all three watched and laughed for a second before looking back up. She was appeased for the moment.
"Yeah, I just kind of went to the airport in the middle of the night to see if I could sneak onto an earlier flight. I was too excited to get here that I wasn't doing anything productive anyways, and I was just miserable. So I figured I could be equally unproductive here but happy at least, so…" I shrugged, feeling my cheeks grow a little warm. It was probably from the stuffy, un-air-conditioned room.
"Aww, we missed you too, baby." My mom pulled me into a bear hug and my dad smiled at me and nodded from over her shoulder.
"Present, now?" Olivia asked, standing and pulling at my arm.
I shook my head at her. "At the ice cream shop. Besides, you haven't even said 'hello' to me yet." I pretended to pout, pushing my lower lip out dramatically and crossing my arms. She giggled and jumped at my feet for me to lift her. I handed the gift bag to my mom and scooped her up as she smothered my face in kisses and I tickled her sides.
There was something incredibly cathartic about a warm, squiggling little body giggling in your arms.
"Nu-uh!" I scolded, carrying Olivia and smacking my mother's hand out of the gift bag as we made our way to the car. Olivia burst into more giggles at Nana being scolded.
"What? It's not for me?" my mother joked and looked abashed. I shook my head and tried to buckle Olivia into her seat in the back of the car. I had to give up after two minutes and let my mom do it. Apparently, you need a PhD in engineering in order to operate the stupid contraption.
Over ice cream I finally gave Olive the gift bag. The pretty tissue paper may have held her interest just as much as what was inside. That is, until she opened it. The little pale pink jewellery box was shaped like a heart and when opened had a pretty ballerina on her toes twirling to music from Swan Lake. I filled it with a pair of really long dress-up pearls and a little plastic, heart-shaped hand mirror. She was in heaven the rest of the time in the booth at the ice cream shop between her vanilla ice cream and her pearls and the dancing "balaweena".
As we were packing up to leave, I went to the counter and ordered two vanilla cookie dough ice creams in take out containers. I had them stick two thick caramel wafers dipped in rich dark chocolate in the centre of one of the containers. Not mine.
I asked my parents drop me off at Bella's house and told them we would be home in a few hours for dinner with my brother and Rosalie. My father was already turning down K Street anyway. Apparently, I was rather predictable.
The ice cream was just beginning to pool a little around the rims of the to-go containers as I climbed the familiar steps to the house that had always been like a second home to me.
The door was open. Shocking. Radiohead was blaring from somewhere upstairs so I knew Charlie wasn't home, not that I had noticed his cruiser outside anyway.
I was just about to start taking the stairs to Bella's bedroom when I heard something clang from the kitchen. I cleared the living room in less than four long strides and cleared my throat behind where she stood at the sink doing dishes.
The sun beamed through the open screen door at the side of the kitchen and through the window behind the sink. Her hair shone in that auburn way and her bare feet made something inside me turn molten for some reason. Her head nodding and horrendous singing along with the music from upstairs made me laugh before I could even get her attention properly.
She spun around shrieking with a metal spaghetti ladle in her hand, dropping it to the floor to send soap suds flying across the linoleum. She covered her chest in the same way my mother had. I just laughed.
"Jesus," she squealed. "What the hell…?"
"You know, the manners in the town have seriously gone to shit," I joked, shaking my head and smiling my warm, crooked smile at her.
I set the covered to go containers on the rim of the sink behind her and wrapped her in the tightest bear hug I could without crushing her. She screeched in my ear from the force but I felt her legs wrap around the back of my calves as I lifted her off the ground and she giggled into my chest.
"Seriously, though, Edward, what the hell?" she pulled back to look at me, smiling. The sun made the green flecks around the insides of her eyes more obvious. I doubted anyone but me ever noticed. I adored them.
"Thought you might like some ice cream," I murmured, placing a quick kiss at her lips before reaching back behind her to grab the containers and head back toward the front door.
"Wait. What?" she called after me, still slightly stunned. I could hear her bare feet padding against the kitchen floor as she dropped what she was doing to run after me. She was so goddamn cute that the molten threatened to break free and drown the both of us. "What kind of ice cream?"
She was slipping her feet into a pair of rubber flip flops and grabbing a lightweight zip up hoodie as she spoke, using my shoulder for balance. I nodded to her truck keys hanging from the hook by the door and she grabbed those too, following me down the porch steps again.
"You'll just have to wait to see, won't you," I kidded, balancing one container atop the other and prying open the groaning door to the behemoth.
"Where are we going?" she asked, giggling, the entire situation catching up with her.
I arched an eyebrow salaciously at her.
"The ice cream would melt," she chided, but her cheeks flushed and her eyelids drooped a little in a telltale sign that she liked the idea. My grin stretched impossibly wider. "Are you going to answer any of my questions, Edward?"
"I missed you so much I couldn't breathe. Chocolate chip cookie dough. The soccer field."
All the features of her face and body softened and her eyes melted. "I missed you too." She leaned across the bench seat to kiss me. The old truck didn't have any cup holders so both of my hands were occupied. It was interesting kissing her like that, not being able to touch her but wanting to. She pulled back and I pouted at her. "But chocolate chip cookie dough is your favourite ice cream, not mine," she grumbled playfully.
"Yeah, well, I'm selfish," I joked with a shrug. "However," I balanced one container between my knees and pried open the top to reveal the dark chocolate, caramel truffle cream filled wafers stacked on top of the vanilla ice cream. Her eyes lit up.
She fired up the beastly vehicle and backed out of the driveway, headed toward our soccer field. I grabbed a wafer cookie and offered it to her. Instead of taking a cute little bite, she snapped the whole thing out of my fingers and smirked at me.
"Like I was going to eat any of it," I joked, laughing at her. The windows were down and her hair was flying every where. She was beautiful. She frowned at me, remembering that too much chocolate made my head hurt.
She took a bite of the cookie, hummed in appreciation, and then held the remaining half in between her lips as she parked the truck in the gravel parking lot just beside the soccer field. The chocolate on the outside of the cookie had begun to melt and drip down her bottom lip.
I grabbed the two ice cream containers and hopped out of the truck and made my way to her side. I opened the door for her and she helped herself down using my arm to steady herself. Her body slid down the narrow space I allowed between me and the vehicle. She smiled around the cookie, finishing it.
Before she had a chance to lick the chocolate from her lips mine were pressed against hers. Clearly, I had caught her by surprise again and she giggled into my mouth as my tongue darted out to drag against the chocolate slowly. I could feel her smile beneath me. I sucked her lip into my mouth and rid it of any lingering mess. Her fingers slid under my polo shirt and along my sides, just above my shorts, tickling the sensitive skin. Once her hands met in the back she pulled me closer and deepened the kiss. Holding the ice cream, I still could not use my own hands on her. There was something both painful and exciting about that.
After making out like teenagers for way too long, pushed against the side of her truck in the park in the middle of the day like we never were able to actually do as teenagers, we broke apart and shuffled our way toward the swings without another word. We both just knew that was where we would want to sit to eat the very melted ice cream.
We sat and our feet pushed through the dry sawdust to move the swings a few inches as we dug into the dessert, first tipping the melted bit into our mouths to drink.
"So," Bella began in a tone that was so obviously a forced attempt at casual that she had my attention immediately. She twisted her swing toward me with her tippy toes dug into the saw dust, having a big bite of ice cream and taking forever to swallow, holding me in suspense. "I've been waiting to run this by you in person because I want to gauge your reaction with my own eyes. You've had far too much experience at covering up your own emotions for me."
Yup. Definitely had my attention.
I raised my eyebrows at her insinuation that I would lie about whatever it was she was about to "run" by me. My spoon was stalled, full of dripping ice cream that splattered on my khaki shorts halfway to my mouth. I quickly ate it and buried the spoon back into the container of ice cream, waiting to hear the rest of what she had to say.
"It didn't really dawn on me until a week after I got home, but they gave me a shot of Keflin in the clinic after I hurt my arm and sent me home with two weeks worth of antibiotics."
She paused and waited for something to click in my brain. It didn't. I just continued to side-eye her as her face scrunched up in frustration.
"Antibiotics interfere with birth control."
Oh!
"I'm not, obviously, if I was you'd know," she was quick to add. "But I was the one all hopped up on pain meds that night and not thinking clearly. You on the other hand…" she trailed off and looked at her feet as they shuffled, kicking through the sawdust. "You went off on some rant about wanting to knock me up, so…?"
I shook my head at her when she looked back up at me. "Not a chance, Bella."
"Well, anyway, I'm not. But it was a really long week between realising that and finding out."
I put my ice cream on the ground and grabbed the chain of her swing, pulling her over to me and twisting so I could hitch my foot around her leg to hold her in place. "You should have told me."
"I know…"
"I hate that you were worried and I didn't even know."
"Oh, I wasn't like, worried worried. We would figure it out. But I was curious. You have to admit the timing is ironic." She mimicked my signature eyebrow arch at me and smirked. I did have to admit, if I were her, I would be suspicious of my intentions as well.
I curled my arms around her waist and nudged her nose with mine to get her to look right at me. "Do you think that's the way I want to make a baby with you?" I softly kissed her without closing my eyes. Hers slid shut as she kissed me back. "I know I'm whiny about the whole hamster ball thing, but, Bella, not like that. We can wait. It'll be worth it. Not that I would have objected if it did work out that way." I kissed the tip of her nose, not sure if I was relieved at dodging a bullet, or really freaking bummed.
We finished our ice cream and made our way home to greet the family together. Later that night over dinner, Emmett was grumbling about how he was still getting lost in downtown Seattle even after living there for years and visiting there as a kid his whole life.
"Hell, I don't know how," he growled at his wife who was snickering next to him while she tore up pieces of chicken for Olivia to either eat or throw on the ground.
"It's really not that confusing, honey," Rosalie reassured him with a condescending pat on his shoulder.
"Oh shut up," he snarled, making Rosalie gasp in mock horror and make a funny wide-eyed face to Olivia, which sent her into a little fit of giggles at her comedic parents.
The rest of us just watched and shook our heads, laughing under our breath. Bella's hand balanced atop my knee under the table and one of my arms was laid against the back of her chair as we finished eating.
"There's that one area, down by the market, where the streets get all sideways and twisted and screwed up. I get lost every friggin' time. It's not my fault. How hard is to stick with a simple gridiron plan, ya know, with right angles and shit." Emmett continued muttering, mostly to himself. Rosalie promptly smacked him on the back of his thick skull. "Shoot," he amended quickly, smiling widely at his daughter while the rest of us snickered louder. My mother exchanged a pleased look with her son's wife.
"It's like that effed up area in New York City," Emmett concluded in his defence, directing his argument at me.
"What area?" I asked, chuckling while I sat back and sipped my coffee.
"The Village?" Bella asked, smiling at the amusing family dynamics that always took place at our dinner table whenever the majority of us were present.
"Yeah!" Emmett shouted, pointing and snapping his fingers at Bella, who shook her head and went back to her tea. "Remember, Ed, that time we got so screwed up in that area, walking around looking for some house party at that blonde chicks place or some shit…shoot."
Rosalie scowled at him and jumped in quickly. "Okay, first of all, Greenwich Village is amazing and historic and residential and nothing like Pike's market, you idiot. Second, in Edward's defence, he had only just moved there, so… You've been in Seattle basically your whole life, which just kind of makes you a moron. A cute moron, but a moron nonetheless." She kissed his cheek.
It didn't slip my attention that Bella's hand left my knee.
"Whatever. I got lost on Tuesday, just accept it. And we got seriously friggin' lost that one time in The Village. We were like two hours late for that hot, leggy chick's party. It was embarrassing. Not like she seemed to care once Edward walked through the door.
And…Bella excused herself from the table.
"Are you complete fucking idiot?" I snarled across the dinner table to my retarded brother who had an obliviously dopey smile on his face…which at least had the dignity to falter as I threw my napkin in it.
I stormed off in search of Bella. I didn't think I'd heard the front door open or close, so I went upstairs first. But she wasn't there. I tried the front porch and as I began to look around the corner to where the couches were, I noticed her bare legs from underneath her short cut-offs gleaming in the almost dark sunset as she leaned against the door of her truck. Her arms were crossed tightly against her chest and she stared at her feet. Even from forty feet away I could see her nostrils flaring as she mashed her lips together in an obvious attempt to calm herself down.
I took the porch steps two at a time and hurried over to her, but stopped a good five feet away, not wanting to be intrusive or presumptuous. She just needed to know I was there.
"Emmett's an idiot," I offered lamely, after a few minutes of heavy siilence. My voice sounded foreign and tight. I kept trying to make eye-contact with her, but she stubbornly refused and stared at her toes wiggling against her flip-flops. Not like I was all that surprised.
"He didn't do anything wrong," she muttered, still staring.
That statement would have been fine. Except for the way she over-emphasised the word "he", as if to imply that I had done something wrong.
I tilted my head to the side, trying to process what she may have meant. After a minute I hadn't come up with a single reasonable explanation. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing."
"No not 'nothing', Bella. You obviously meant something by that. Don't be hypocritical, you want me to work on sharing my mind with you better, and this is the second time in like eight hours that you have clearly shut me out, so…what gives?"
"Hey, don't be a dick. I didn't tell you to come out here and find me. I'm not ready to talk yet," she snarled at me through clamped teeth.
"Do you honestly think my brother has any idea what the hell he is talking about? Does he ever?"
"I don't know, he seemed to remember the 'leggy blond girl' quite well, she must have made quite an impression." She was two seconds from losing it completely and I couldn't tell if it was just the natural urge to be jealous or a real ire that was bubbling beneath her composed surface.
"Hey, don't do this," I whispered at her, shaking my head.
"Do what?" she spat back at me.
"This. It's so unnecessary after all this time. How can you honestly stand there nd be angry at me over something that happened like six years ago when you and I weren't even speaking at the time?"
"Can you just stop talking please?" she whispered, diverting her eyes and hugging herself tighter as if she could shrink away from me. It was beginning to piss me off.
"First of all, she was just some girl one of my roommates, I can't even remember which one, was fucking at the time. It had nothing to do with me. Secondly, even if it was me, what right do you have to be pissed off about it?"
"I'm sorry, what?"
Okay, maybe that was a bit harsh. Accurate, but harsh nonetheless.
"I'm just saying…" I shrugged stupidly, backtracking.
"That I don't have any rights over you," she finished for me, as if that was what I was really fucking saying. "I get it, thanks. Are we done here?" She pushed off of the truck door to storm past me and back into the house where she would no doubt ignore me the rest of the night and then return to Charlie's and sleep in her own little bed without me. Fuck that. I grabbed her arm and forced her to stop.
I let go quickly after a very pointed stare between my fingers clamped around what was probably still a tender and healing bicep, and me.
"Sorry. Just…don't go yet."
"Why not? I get it. I didn't have any kind of claim on you back then, real or otherwise…no rights. You've made your point."
"You're damn right you didn't, Bella, I mean, fuck, come on!" I couldn't help it. Everything inside me screamed to stop being angry and saying stupid shit that was repeatedly upsetting her. Unfortunately, there was one little spark of indignation–a little flame of butchered pride that had been abandoned and forgotten for so long that it was now demanding some attention. "And I told you, I wasn't even the one who was dating her."
"Like that's even what this is about right now," she screamed at me, backing up against the bed of the truck.
"Yeah well, the rest isn't exactly my fault now is it?"
Stupid, stupid… Just shut up.
But there was a scratch, deep inside me. An old wound that blistered so badly at the time that no amount of ignoring it would ever make it just go away. So...maybe I should purge myself of it while the moment presented itself.
"What the hell is your problem tonight?" The pain in her small voice actually splintered off a piece of my heart and made me regret everything I had said. I should swallow my own wounded pride and not force it on her. It was so long ago.
"I just…" I growled loudly, my frustration boiling over, and kicked a little decorative garden stone that lined the edge of the driveway, shooting it across the grass into the increasingly black night. "There were a few months there that really sucked when we first moved away, right? Things were different. We were unsure of ourselves. We came home, and shit was awkward. But that's life, Bella. That's normal. We were stupid kids who thought we would be immune to real life and it kicked us in the ass just to prove a point. It was unintentional and fucked up and I hated every minute of it that year, but it wasn't anyone's fault. We just drifted."
I trailed off. Now it was me who couldn't meet her eyes. I was at a fork in the road. I could either apologise and go place a gentle kiss on her cheek, her jaw, her lips, then force her eye-contact and kiss her again, staring into her eyes so she felt my love radiated in her bones as my lips moved over hers tenderly. Or I could really fucking hurt her. It should have been an obvious choice, but in the heat of the moment, nothing is ever black and white.
I made a choice.
"But you walked away from me." I was nearly sobbing. My voice broke on the word "away". It got her complete attention and her head snapped up from picking at her fingernails. Her eyes were no longer the mask of concealed hurt and rage; they were wide and scared of what my words meant. And it was the first footprint down the fork that led me to the point of no return. She would spend the rest of her life agonising over what I was going to say, feeling horrible and remorseful. I knew her. I knew her tender little heart, her compassionate soul. I didn't ever intend on showing her the path to this one little thing. But there I was, taking her hand and leading her down it anyway.
"What?" she whispered. Her eyes were powerful as they penetrated through mine and into my heart as she searched around for what I could possibly mean.
"That night, in the back of the Volvo. We were sobered up by then. And you made the choice to walk away from me. You climbed off me, buttoned your shorts, and got out of the car, literally shutting the door in my face. You walked away. And you did it on purpose. It was a pretty fucking clear message from my point of view." I couldn't look at her. I was looking somewhere just over her shoulder, to the black outlines of the trees with shrouded hints of the last remaining orange brightness of the day poking out behind them as the sun went to sleep for the night. "Bella." I had to swallow something back. "You chose to do that. I can honestly tell you that nothing has ever hurt as bad as that moment in my life. Nothing. And you did it on purpose. You meant to hurt me. I would never do that to you."
I had given up all hope of rehashing the story with any kind of dignity. Tears fell down my cheeks and I didn't make a move to hide them from her. I never would.
"Oh my god," she whispered and out of the corner of my eye I saw her hand rise to cover her mouth. "No, no, no…" I looked up at her and saw her head shaking slowly back and forth and her eyes blurred over, seeing nothing. "I just…I needed to escape, that was all. It was too much, too awkward, and too…not us, I just…"
"I get that. But at some point later on you would have thought about it, about how it would have been interpreted from my perspective, how it would make me feel. You could have called me, or emailed or something. But you never did, so…"
"Oh, Edward," she cried through her fingers and closed the space between us. "I am so, so sorry. I never meant…I mean, I would never… I know you are the protector in this relationship, but you have no idea what the sight of you smiling that stupid-giddy smile does to me when you are nothing but happy. It breaks everything inside of me in a really good way and I would kill to always see that smile on your face. I should never ever be the one to hurt you, ever. I wish I could take so much about all of that shit back…" she trailed off, breaking away a little from me.
"No don't, I mean, who knows, right? I've had a pretty sheltered life so far, so, a little hurt builds character. Besides, I like where we're at now. I wouldn't want to risk that for anything," I admitted.
"Except for the hamster ball," she corrected with a sheepish smile.
"Yeah, except for the hamster ball."
"Still, I hate this. I hate that you ever felt like that, or thought I would want to hurt you. I could never. Please tell me you know that? I am so, so sorry. You should walk around smiling that stupid smile all the time, and never hurt like that, you deserve it."
"Yeah?" I stepped forward into her, pushing her back against the cab of the truck. I wanted to move on quickly. I told her how I felt, she felt horrid like I knew she would, the end. No need to dwell on it as log as both of us were forgiven. "Then climb in the back of the truck with me. Let me try and knock you up illegitimately and then we can run down to the city hall to make it right." I winked at her devilishly.
She laughed heartily and shoved me back shaking her head. I bounced right back and enveloped her in my arms, revelling in the feeling finally, hating the last hour of what was such a beautiful day. We had that kiss that maybe we should have had before and maybe we shouldn't. The slow gentle one where I looked into her eyes and promised her everything I had as my lips moved with hers. She returned each promise.
"For what it's worth, back then… I never…" My eyes narrowed and my head tilted uncomfortably, shaking out the word no and the answer to the rest of the sentence I didn't care to say aloud.
"Me either," she whispered and her fingers dug into the back of my neck as she pulled herself up on her tippy toes to finish off the kiss much more passionately than it started.
The front door opened and Rosalie stuck her head out. "Alice and Jasper are on their way over and Olivia is upstairs yelling at Emmett that she wants 'Uncle Eddie' to play mermaids with her in the bath, so… If you two are done out here, then…?" she trailed off and smiled wickedly at us.
"He'll be right in," Bella called out over my shoulder, smashed between me and the truck.
I heard Rosalie snort something obnoxious and then the screen door snapped shut.
"I love you Edward Anthony Cullen. I will spend the rest of my life making sure that I never hurt you like that again, I promise."
"Oh good, because I'm so perfect," I scoffed at her. "I mean… I am but, you know, for argument's sake, don't be so dramatic."
She shoved me away from her, giggling, the sound was warm. I laughed along with her and we made our way back into the house so I could apparently go play with Barbie's.
As I climbed the stairs, I noticed Rosalie pull Bella aside surreptitiously, whispering in the corner by the entrance to the kitchen. Girls.
I poked my head into the bathroom that was in the hallway just outside the guest room where Olivia always stayed, at the opposite end of the hall from me and Allie's old rooms. Emmett was perched on the edge of the vanity swinging his legs casually and joking with his daughter who sat in an inch and a half of water with two inches of bubbles, blowing them around and singing to herself.
"Hey," I grumbled to him with a lame head nod and no eye-contact. I sat on the floor beside the bathtub and began playing with Olivia.
Our mermaids dove through bubble caves and had silly conversations with one another. I figured after a few minutes my brother would just leave…but he didn't. Olivia eventually got bored with mermaids and began splashing various bath toys around ignoring me, so I leaned against the wall and balanced my elbows on my knees, my eyes alternating between looking fondly at Olivia while she played and staring at the space between my legs.
"So, everything okay down there?" Emmett eventually asked. His tone was so light and casual it made me want to punch him in his stupid face.
"No thanks to you," I grumbled and I should have left it at that. But I didn't. "Seriously, what the heck is your problem, Emmett?"
"What do you mean?" he asked with irritating ignorance.
"You know what I mean," I snarled at him, trying really hard to keep my tone neutral, knowing full-well, after so many years studying psychology, how sensitive children could be to their surroundings even when it didn't seem like they were paying attention.
"No I don't," he countered. "How would I, Edward?" The way he spat my name out at me was like it was leaving a bad taste in his mouth. It caught me off guard and my eyes snapped up to him. He was glaring at me like he wanted to slam my head against the wall. I was just trying to figure out how the fuck I had become the bad guy in all of this.
We stared each other down for several long minutes in silence, the way only two brothers cold ever do. Our looks said we wanted to kill one another. Our silence said we were trying to understand why.
Eventually, he pushed against the cabinets and stomped out of the bathroom. I stood quickly and grabbed him just outside the bathroom door. Olivia looked up but only for a moment and then went back to her bath squirters. I let go of him and leaned against the far edge of the door jamb away from him so I could still see him in hallway and Olivia in the bathtub.
"What the hell, Emmett?" I whispered harshly.
"What?" he spat back at me, clearly angry. My brother was one of the most level-headed people I had ever known. He was unshakeable. And yet, it was obvious that he was totally pissed off at me.
I just shrugged and shook my head and narrowed my eyes, my confusion obvious even to the most oblivious person.
"Whatever, man, just forget it," Emmett muttered and turned to leave. I couldn't follow him, I had to keep an eye on Olivia.
"Dude, I don't want to forget it," I called after him.
"Well, then what the fuck do you want, Edward? Because please, just tell me and I will be more than happy to give it to you," he snarled. A snarling Emmett was a very foreign Emmett to me.
"What am I missing here, bro?" I was genuinely dumbfounded. But I loved my brother and would do anything for him.
His face softened and he took a few steps back toward me. "I'm your big brother, little man," he began with the affectionate term he used to give me noogies to decades ago. "You think it doesn't upset me that you don't talk to me about shit but you seem to talk to everyone else?"
Oh.
"I don't know. But I'm not the big idiot you seem to think I am who doesn't notice shit around him. Like the floorboards in the hallway creaking in the middle of the night whenever Bella stayed over when we were younger. Or the fact that you two would both randomly disappear at parties and shit and come back looking like a train wreck. Or the way you look at her now anytime she's in the same room as you. I'm not an idiot. No matter what you think. And it fucking burns me that you don't talk to me about your own shit.
"Who do you think the first person was that I wanted to call the minute I got off the phone with Rose when she told me she was pregnant again? You. You're my best friend, bro, I fucking tell you everything. And how many fucking years has this shit been going on? You think I am completely blind to it all? To the years you were a miserable little prick hiding out in New York and refusing to come home? To the way you two are now? And still…nothing. No fucking midnight phone call whining about missing her. No advice on relationships even though I've been married with a kid now for like, fucking, an eternity… I don't know…whatever, man." He waved his hand in the air between us and looked away.
"Emmett, I…" I was genuinely at a loss for words. He was right. Years had just kind of slipped away and I hadn't ever stopped and given it too much thought as to all the opportunities I could have talked to him, for advice or a rant, or what-the-fuck-ever.
"So, I guess I'm bitter and I say stupid shit just to fuck with you guys. For that I'm sorry," he concluded, ignoring my flapping mouth and attempt to formulate words.
"Wait, you do what? Well, that's just mean…"
"Fuck you."
"Fair enough." I shrugged.
"Go make sure my kid doesn't drown."
"Are we cool?"
"You gonna talk to me more?" He crossed his arms across his big barrel chest and glared at me.
"Well…I'm not fucking Alice or anything, but yeah…"
"Thank god for that," he snorted and pushed me back into the bathroom so hard I hit my head on the side of the mirror. I heard him laughing to himself as he walked away.
Then, I spent the next twenty minutes playing mermaids and practicing counting to ten with water crayons. I was pretty good at it by the time we were done.
After I wrapped Olivia up in a fluffy pink towel, dried her all off and got her into her pj's, I brought her downstairs to find her parents and say goodnight to everyone. Alice and Jasper had arrived, with a cheesecake apparently. Everyone was in the kitchen gathered around the table with plates and mugs of tea and coffee. Well, everyone except my brother, who was hovering over the box at the bar with a fork and a bottle of beer in his other hand, eating directly from the spare half. Sometimes, I had no idea how the same family who raised me also raised him. But I loved him and still felt like a first-class shithead, so, I just shoved him out of the way and stole a bite before handing him his sweet-smelling, clean child in bunny slippers who was now wanting to ruin her clean teeth with a bite of cheesecake.
Charlie had stopped by as well, obviously either taking a break from his shift or having just finished it, since he was in full uniform. He sat at the table eating cheesecake and smiling fondly as Alice yammered a mile a minute at Bella who could do nothing but nod in response whenever Alice as forced to stop long enough to take a breath.
I barely got so much as a lame, one-armed hug out of her as a greeting after not seeing her for several months, and she didn't even break in whatever story she was telling Bella while she gave it to me. So, I mussed her hair up as I sat down beside Bella with my coffee mug and a fork to eat off of her piece of cake.
Olivia made her rounds, laying sloppy wet kisses on all of our cheeks and Rosalie took her up to bed for the night with the promise to read her not one, but three stories, just so she would agree to go peacefully.
"Cute kid," Charlie murmured around the tines of his fork as he shoved a bite in his mouth, nodding at Emmett.
"Wait." Alice's voice disrupted her own yammering and everyone else's, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. Her eyes were on Bella whose hand was wrapped around her tea cup mid way to her mouth.
"What?" she squeaked. "I was paying attention. The band is booked for six months straight and you think Jazz should…"
"No, no, no…" Alice interrupted her. "Forget what I was saying." She had a little flame in her eyes that I was instantly fearful of.
"Is that a real Chanel Ultra?" she asked Bella without lifting her eyes off the ring on Bella's right hand.
"Uhh…" Bella blinked a few times and shook her head. "Is that supposed to be a trick question?"
"Your ring. Is that a real Ultra Noir double tier? With the freaking diamonds might I add? Or is it just a knock off? Please tell me it is just a knock-off." She stood up and shoved her chair back to lean across the table and examine the ring on Bella's delicate finger where it was still frozen around her mug.
"Uhm…why?" Was all Bella could manage.
"Why?" Alice spat back, nearly collapsing onto the tabletop in exasperation.
"Alice," I murmured lowly, drawing her name out in a very unmistakeable warning. She pretended not to hear me.
"Uhm, only because it is like a five thousand dollar ring, so, you know…"Alice joked lightly, stroking the ring adoringly with the tiny pad of her index finger. Bella choked on her tea and nearly spat it all over my sister's face…which would have served her right.
I had my justifications for spending so much on that ring. Reasons that made perfect sense to me as well as to my father whom I discussed it with first, but which I was not ready to explain to Bella just yet. And Alice could fuck off.
"Just saying," Alice continued in her smug little sing-songy voice as she sat back in her chair shrugging, "and they say I'm the spoiled one."
"Bella is hardly spoiled," I jumped in, fuming at my little sister. Bella was still staring into her tea cup with her jaw slackened. I'm not sure she had blinked yet.
"I didn't mean her. I'm just wondering who the hell pays your credit card, you starving student you."
"Oh, I'm sure Bella earns it," my brother piped in from the other side of the kitchen, his mouth full of cheesecake. From somewhere in the mud room I heard the dryer door slam and my mother squeak, obviously disliking the implications.
Also not fond of my brother's crass implications…the man with a gun sitting across the table from me, whose face had gone beet red and was trying to slit my throat with his gaze alone.
My brother winked at me from hunched over the bar with a fork in his mouth.
I cleared my throat uncomfortably and tried to remember how to swallow but couldn't quite manage.
Bella's head turned toward me in slow-motion. I was thankful for the movement because it tore my eyes from Charlie, whose nose was flaring and fingers were twitching. I was hyper-aware of my proximity to his only daughter.
I looked at Bella, whose wide eyes were clearly only asking me one thing; verification. I scrunched my face up and shook my head a little, hoping to appease her. Alice snorted at me in obvious objection.
Then my mother exited the mud room with a laundry basket on her hip and red cheeks. I gave her a quick, sheepish look, and she jumped in to save the day. She stopped just behind Charlie's chair and placed her hand on his shoulder.
"Weren't you supposed meet Carlisle upstairs to go over those fishing trip arrangements?" Silence. "There's really good scotch up there." She added after he hadn't moved so much as a muscle.
Charlie grunted and muttered something and slowly pushed back his chair, never breaking his gaze on me. He had on his "I'm watching you" cop face and I tried not snicker as I forced myself to blink and look away.
"Right," I drew out the word long and slow, looking back at Bella whose cheeks were growing pinker by the second. "So, you want to go for a drive or something?"
I was suddenly desperate to just get away from the house and everyone in it. It had been one hell of a long day considering I started it off in New York. I was exhausted, emotionally spent, and now, a shitty combination or humiliated and horrified. I needed some fresh air. And Bella. Always, Bella.
"Yes, please," she whispered, still holding her tea cup aloft. I took it from her hand and placed it on the table, smiling sheepishly at my mother and kicking Alice's chair out of spite as I walked by.
"Workin'…for it," Emmett sang obnoxiously as I pushed open the swing door to the living room and stood to the side to let Bella cross first.
I flipped him the bird, said I was sorry to my mother who scolded me for doing so, and left them all in there to giggle without us. We grabbed our shoes and jackets and opted for Bella's truck, since it meant exiting out the front door and not having to go back through the kitchen to get the keys to the garage and the old Volvo, passing by my embarrassing family again.
"I'll drive considering I'm not sure you've even blinked once in the last ten minutes," I said, yanking the keys from Bella's hand and ushering her over to the passenger side door. She didn't protest.
"Edward," she whispered as I was firing up the truck. Her hands were stacked neatly in her lap with the right one on top, her eyes staring glossily at her knees. It sounded like a question.
"Bella," I said in a much firmer voice, making my intention to end the conversation pretty clear.
She turned to look at me, questioningly, but I raised my eyebrows in defiance and she dropped it. Sort of. I was sure that the idea of me spending so much on her would bother her for a long time. But she would understand someday when I could properly explain why I felt so compelled. A day that was, unfortunately, still a ways in the future.
I didn't leave with a certain destination in mind, but revisiting the soccer field seemed as good an idea as any, so I pulled the truck through the crunching gravel lot for the second time that day. We got out, but instead of crossing the dewy grass to the swings or some picnic tables, I balanced my foot on the top of a hitching post and hoisted myself up on top of the old truck's front hood.
I held out my hand for Bella to join me. The stars were abundant and sparking in a way that you would never in a million years be able to see from any vantage point inside the city. The sky surrounding each little white glimmer was inky black and the air just smelled like summer–a familiar combination of cut grass, dirt, and sun. I folded my arms under my head and lay back against the creaking metal, knowing how solid the old beast was and that the truck could withstand anything. Bella copied me.
We were quiet for a very long time. You could hear the crickets chirping and the breeze blowing through the nearby trees. I could hear Bella's relaxed, gentle breathing. We were silent as we both mulled over our own thoughts.
Eventually, Bella scooted over and nuzzled in closer to me. I lowered my right arm and she used it as a pillow. My fingers kneaded softly into her shoulder, my breathing slowly, unconsciously falling in step with hers.
I wanted to tell Bella my plans. I wanted to tell her everything. But I also didn't. It was the painful tear between wanting so desperately to do or say something in the moment because it was sure to be amazing, while also knowing that the wait would be worth it. It wasn't the same thing as not sharing my feelings with her the way she had asked me to. It was just this one thing. I wanted to save it. So we lay there, quietly wrapped around one another, and looked up at the stars.
WAIT! Wha...
Did I just answer the burning question that every single one of you have hit me with at some point since chapter six!
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
I truly never intended to divulge whether or not they were "with" anyone else over the dark years. I always avoided it. I feared that answering it would only divert focus away from the relationship at the epicenter of this story. But I think I was wrong. I think it only added to the underlying sense of devotion between these characters. And again, "they" control the way their story is told, not me, so...there's that...
*pretends that doesn't make me sound crazy*
(Also please note: NO, the Chanel ring isn't the engagement ring. Patience please...lol)
Until next time, sorry there weren't any lemons, but how freaking cute is Olivia?
Air
~xox~