35. Tris: Step by step
I wake up when Matthew shakes me gently. "What time is it?" I ask, with a sleepy voice. "It's 11.15." says Matthew. "We must leave in half an hour. You should get a good shower, and find fresh clothes."
I feel a flash of panic, that wakes me up completely. "Where are we going? What's happening?"
"Don't freak out."Says Matthew. "We just need to move Four to a proper hospital. I can't make surgery, and someone has to remove the bullet. He's still in a critical state, we have to make fast. The good thing is that the transfusion will allow us to move him without risk. I arranged everything: a medical van will be here in half an hour. Do as I say, OK."
It is nearly painful to release Tobias's hand; I clenched his fingers in mine while sleeping. I stroke his cheek and leave to my room downstairs. I turn the hot water on and I scrub my skin as if I could wipe the past 24 hours away. I let the hot water pour down on me and I close my eyes and relax. I wish I could stay in this bubble for one day…or maybe forever. No one's dead or wounded here, kids have parents and birth cakes…I'm crying under the shower.
As I get out of the shower, I start to dress, and I get another flash of pain in my hip. My bad ideas come back straight again. I suddenly realize that I've been assuming that Tobias would make it safe, but that's not sure at all. I was badly hurt when I got shot, but they managed to treat me immediately. We didn't.
I can't even consider the idea of him dying. I sit against the wall, and put my arms around my legs. No. Please No. Not after all we've done to get here; Please don't let him die.
Not with our baby coming. I wish I had told him, maybe he would fight harder to stay alive. I've been useless.
I'm still prostrated, when I hear Matthew's frantic voice. "Tris come on, we're leaving! Dammit Tris! Where are you?" That makes be come back to my senses immediately. I grab a jumper and run to join him I say "Sorry. I've had a little moment of weakness. Let's go."
When I arrive outside, the van is waiting with Tobias and Adam inside. I feel like I must not leave them at all. "I'll get in there." I say, jumping in the van with the doctor. I did that because I wanted to speak with him but I see Adam pale and tired under his blanket. I sit next to him and sit him on my lap and hug him. I'm watching Tobias's chest moving slightly and I concentrate on it. I wonder if I watch over him non-stop, maybe he won't let go. We stay like this, silent, until we get to the hospital.
xxx
I'm in Adam's room. He's sleeping. This transfusion exhausted him. I've been waiting for the surgeon to finish the bullet extraction…I've been pacing around for two hours already and I'm getting mad; no one would give me any information until they're finished.
I've never felt so lonely. Matthew's gone back to the Fort to save his precious research. I got Christina on the phone and I got to speak to Natalie. She's OK. Christina and Oliver will take her out on a boat trip. This afternoon and they can keep her while we're at hospital. I feel relieved to hear her on the phone. Maybe I'm not alone after all. I suppose what I really need is support; that's what Tobias and I gave each other: support and strength, and a reason to live. I go to the surgery again but there's still no sign of them going out. I try to think it's good sign, they're trying to save him. They will.
I sit in the corridor between The surgery and Adam's room, in the middle of my life, between my husband and my son. I put my knees on the chair and curl up on it. I can't help it, I start crying. I jump when I feel a hand on my shoulder. "Tris…Tris are you all right? Matthew called me." I look up and here's Caleb. He sits next to me and takes me in his arms. "You'll be okay, I'll help you with the kids until he gets better. You'll be fine, all of you." He takes my head up "If you can forgive me, I'm still your family. I'm with you."
I just say "Thank you Caleb. Could you wait with me, please?"
He nods "As long as you need."