A/n: Sorry for the long wait!! I've been finishing projects and crap like that for a while. 23 days of school left :) Updates will most likely catch up speed again by then.
"Children begin by loving their parents; as they grow older they judge them; sometimes, they forgive them."-- Oscar Wilde
This is what taking a human life looks like:
It's two eyes, begging, groveling, for mercy. It's a degraded face with all the secrets and shames spread out on it like a pitiful, disgraced table. It's two twisted hands, grasping weakly but strongly with panic at a chest heaving like a lung cancer victim's last painful breath. But most of all, it's the sounds of pathetic wheezing, cries that were born from panic and regret, of what ifs and whys, and tears collocating at the corners. It's the frantic, pent up energy of confusion and 'what-do-I-do-now's.
For me, it's the disgrace of knowing I shouldn't feel uneasy about it mixed with the guilt that I wouldn't do it any differently if I could go back in time. Everyone knows murder is wrong. It's disgusting, vile, and irrational. Human beings have humanity and reasoning; therefore, we should be able to control the animalistic instincts to kill. Children know from the tiniest age that killing another human in unacceptable. It's just something they know, something no one even has to tell them. I wish we would all know when murder was acceptable. Was what I had done acceptable? Was it moral? Was it right? No, no, no. I knew the answers. Someone who wasn't in that apartment would say I had millions of options. I could have called the police. I could have done my original plan and just knocked him out. I could have…
I could have done nothing but what I did. I had to believe that, or I would not be able to live with this. It was my son or my soul. I will be forgiven for my sin, but I would never forgive myself if I let my son be killed. That is unacceptable. That is immoral. That is wrong.
That man, if he can even be called that, has ruined my life with the coldest of hearts. If I had to sink down to his level, which I think I always knew I would have to eventually, I was glad it was for my family.
I finished cleaning up in the airport bathroom and walked out into the busy hallway. Jake stood up from the bench he was sitting on when he saw me.
"Do you want to get something to eat before we board the plane?"
I kept my hands securely around my stomach and shook my head.
"I just want to get to Cole." What if Luke had somehow found a phone and called her? What if his wife killed my son?
We walked to our gate and sat down to wait until it could board. I was so impatient I couldn't sit still. My emotions were all over the grid and I didn't know whether to laugh in relief or cry over what I had been reduced to.
But I knew that I could breathe easier, and the words Independence Day kept flittering into my mind.
COLE'S POV:
A clap of thunder and a whisper jerked me awake.
The room was completely black except for the occasional lightning that lit up the room. I could tell the power was out because my alarm clock wasn't lighting up.
"Cole?"
If that is Caitlyn coming to try and seduce me again I SWEAR to—
"Are you awake?"
Oh, thank God. Emily.
I sat up.
"I'm awake. What's wrong?" I whispered into the dark. She awkwardly made her way over to the bed and sat down beside me as if there was nothing strange about it. She boldly pulled the blankets back and pulled them over her and leaned back on my pillow.
"Do you remember when we were really little and we used to make tents out of blankets and pretend there was a snowstorm and we were caught in the middle of it?" Her body heat radiated on me and the smell of her shampoo somehow relaxed me. I leaned back against the pillow.
"Yes I do. Moose would always come up right as we were talking about wolves and we always got scared."
She laughed quietly and then fell silent. Her laugh made me smile and it felt good to smile. I couldn't think of anything to say. It really wasn't awkward though. Actually, it was probably the most relaxed moment I'd experienced in a while.
"I always knew you were doing it all for attention." She yawned.
Her hair fanned out on the pillow and touched my skin. It was so fragrant and soft that I really wanted to run my fingers through it.
"Doing what?"
"All that stupid stuff. Smoking, the sex, the sneaking out…you were never a bad person."
Her words made my heart warm.
"But what about the thing with Lila?" I whispered. "I don't think that was a very good thing."
She rolled over on her side and I could see the outline of her face in the dark. I got a sudden, strong urge to hold her. It was so different from the way I felt with Caitlyn. With Caitlyn I wanted to have sex with her, but with Emily I just really wanted to wrap my arms around her if only to touch her skin and smell her hair. It made me feel uneasy, like I stepped off a cliff into midair. My heart felt weird too, like it was lodged into my throat or swollen.
"You are a good person. You have always been a good person and I have always known that. You are brave and loving and everything a guy should be."
Somehow, she said the things I needed to hear but didn't even know it. I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders, as if her approval of me was all that mattered.
"And sexy." I blurted out. Um, where did that come from? Stupid ego got untied.
She giggled. "Yes, and sexy."
I scooted closer. "You think I'm sexy? Well I think you're sexy too."
She laughed again and we sighed simultaneously.
"I should go back to my room. If my dad finds me in here…" She trailed off. I would honestly take Oliver's rage to having her leave.
"He won't." I argued.
"You're right, he won't." She lied. We both knew he would. She pulled the blankets up to her shoulders.
"If anyone asks, I was scared."
I felt so peaceful that my eyelids grew heavy.
"Right." I whispered.
The last thing I heard was the breathing of someone else, and I never knew how comforting it really could be.
MILEY'S POV:
We arrived at the place Cole was staying at very early that morning. It was lightly raining. The house was big and white and sprawling and reminded me a lot of the farmhouse I grew up in in Tennessee. I stepped out of the cab and breathed the southern air. This was what I had been missing.
"Did you miss the south?" Jake asked. He smiled at my expression. I took in the green field and nodded. Jake carried the bags up to the front door and rang the doorbell three times. My heart hurt with fear.
"It's so quiet in there," I whispered to Jake, "Do you think everything is okay?"
"I'm sure it is." He assured me. He impatiently rang it two more times.
"CALM DOWN! I'M COMING!"
Oliver's voice made me smile. If he's acting like a jerk like usual everything must be okay! He opened the door and his eyes widened.
"Miley!" He threw his arms around me and I hugged him back.
"Thank you so much, Oliver." I whispered. "You are the best friend a girl could ask for."
He dropped a friendly kiss on my cheek. "Anytime, Miley. I'm glad you're okay. And wow you're pregnant."
My smile slipped a bit and I hit his arm.
"That would be one of the first things you say to me." I glared. I wasn't really angry though. I was so happy that I was pregnant that he could have called me a whale and I wouldn't have cared.
I pushed my way into the house and took in the environment. It looked semi-clean and almost all the lights were off. I was on edge. Where was his wife?
"Where's Cole?" I asked Oliver. He yawned and walked in. He gestured at a closed door.
"Sleeping."
Suddenly, a door on the other end flew open. There was a pause and Alyssa slowly walked out. She took one look at Jake and me and fell to the floor. She cried softly and I felt like crying too.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. She looked up with teary eyes and stood up. She walked over to me and slapped me.
"You better hope he is still alive." She whispered darkly. I kept my head bowed.
"CAITLYN! WE'RE LEAVING!" She hollered. Caitlyn hurried out of her room, still in her pajamas. Her eyes widened when she saw us.
"Where are we going?" She asked her mom. Alyssa grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the house.
"Do you think they'll save him?" Jake asked. I watched them walk down the sidewalk and answered truthfully.
"No."
Oliver shook his head, "I am so confused. Someone needs to catch me up."
I begged Jake with my eyes and he sat down at the table. Oliver sat down beside him. I was walking toward my son.
The doorknob was cold. I turned it and pushed the door open.
It would figure the first thing I saw was my son and Emily Even Oken, sleeping together. I slammed the door shut in shock.
"Everything alright?" Oliver called. I cursed under my breath. If Oliver saw this he would kill Cole. I swallowed and took a deep breath. I reopened the door and hurriedly stepped in. I closed it after me.
It was very quiet except for their breathing. I was afraid to go any closer because I didn't want to accidently see more than I needed to. I bit my lip.
"Cole, Emily," I hissed. Emily sighed and turned over, her head rested on my son's shoulder. I couldn't resist the urge to smile, even though I really shouldn't have been. They both looked so happy and so in love. I don't think I've ever seen them look more beautiful. Love is the best accessory.
I walked closer and awkwardly tapped them both on the shoulders. Emily jerked awake and sat straight up. She clutched her head in her hands and then slowly looked up.
"MILEY!" She jumped out of the bed and threw her arms around me. I hugged her and smoothed her hair. She smelled like Cole. This is weird. But she was fully clothed. She had on long pajama pants and a T-shirt that didn't look like they had been removed. In fact, they both carried an innocence that they probably wouldn't otherwise.
Cole kept sleeping. I wanted to wake him up but he was sleeping so soundly that I couldn't find it in me to disturb him. I could see he was safe and that's all that matters.
I sat down on the edge of the bed and Emily sat beside me.
"Wow you're pregnant."
Like father, like daughter. The babies seemed to be waking up now. I pressed down gently over them and they turned and stretched. Odette kicked me. I took Emily's hand and set it over where Odette was giving me good-morning kicks. Adeline's were softer and sleepier.
Emily's face was mesmerized.
"That is so cool…" She muttered. She watched the outline of the small foot. "I never…wow."
I smiled at her and she glanced back at Cole. Her face showed the love she'd always had for him.
"So," I asked lightly, "mind telling me why you were sleeping with my son?"
She flushed. "I was scared because of the storm. We just slept, I promise."
I hugged her again. I remembered her as a tiny child, tottering around my bathroom and begging me to put some lipstick on her.
"I know. I trust you."
"You're the only one," She grumbled.
"You'll thank Oliver for caring so much for you one day. A girl needs a father who cares enough to be psychotic, especially when they don't have a mother."
She shrugged. "Maybe. Unless he ruins my life."
"Not likely."
She sighed. "So what happened?! Spill! How are you here? Is Jake okay? What happened to that bastard? Did you kill Caitlyn's mom?"
"I'll tell you at the same time as I tell Cole."
She nodded. We both heard heavy footsteps heading to the room beside this one.
"SHIT! HE'S GOING TO WAKE ME UP! BYE MILEY!" Emily swiftly walked out of the room and shut the door. I laid down where she was before and felt that everything was okay for once. He was safe and healthy and not even a foot away. My son was alive, my husband was alive, my babies were alive, I am alive.
He turned onto his back and was awake a minute later. He turned over in confusion. I didn't know what to expect.
"Mom," He simply muttered in tired relief. He hugged me and I hugged him back, my stupid hormones and the fact he was here making me cry. He let me hold him like he was my tiny baby and he fell back asleep. I remembered sleepless nights where I rocked him for hours and hours on end until he finally fell into a happy sleep.
"I love you, Cole." I whispered.
"I love you too, Mom," His voice was heavy and thick with exhaustion.
"I'm so sorry I left you," I pushed his hair back from his forehead. He really needed a haircut. "I thought you were safer. I didn't know it was a trap. But don't worry; everything is okay now. We're going to leave as soon as possible and start over."
He yawned, "If Dad would have just let me go with him in the first place everything would have been okay."
"Maybe it would have," I agreed, "But then again, maybe it wouldn't have. You just have to trust your parent's instincts sometimes." I paused and then continued. "Kind of like you have to trust that I know you're in love with Emily."
He sat straight up. He started to say something but stopped.
"Jesus, Mom! You're really pregnant!"
"Yeah, I've heard that." I replied flatly. He eyed my stomach like it was the strangest thing he's ever seen. He poked it. Adeline kicked sharply back and I resisted the urge to laugh.
"Weird. Do you topple forward when you stand?"
I snorted. "I love how you think I'm so strong. No, I don't topple over. Well, not most of the time."
He shrugged. "Sorry, but your stomach looks bigger than you."
"I'm so glad I raised you with good southern manners." I muttered sarcastically. "And don't think you're changing the subject. You are in love with Emily."
He blushed. "No I'm not. She's just my friend. It's completely platonic."
I hid a smile. "Right."
He glared. "I'm serious."
"No, no! I believe you! Platonic."
He stared at me, his face impatient. "I'm not joking, Mom! It's not…I don't…we don't…ugh!"
We both stood up at almost the exact same time. I stopped him on the way out of the room.
"You know, your dad and I started out as just platonic. Well, actually, we started off with me hating him…but…still."
"You and dad hated each other? No way."
"No. I hated him, he loved me. He was egocentric and obnoxious and everything I hated and then somehow it turned into everything I loved. Go figure."
I opened the door and we stepped out. Oliver hastily walked up to me.
"Thank God—Miley, why does Emily smell like cologne?!"
I exchanged looks with Emily and Cole. I winked.
"She probably walked into the bathroom after Cole or you sprayed some cologne. That stuff is strong you know."
I eased into a kitchen chair beside Jake. He kept a newspaper in front of his face but I could tell he was cracking up. I'm sure he didn't believe a word I was saying.
"Are you sure?" Oliver asked nervously.
I rested hands on my stomach.
"Yes, Oliver, I'm sure. It's a parent's instinct."
"Just kill me now," I begged Lilly. She rolled her eyes and took my hand.
"Come on, what you got him is perfect. You're just wasting your life away, standing here staring at things you know he won't want. Go with your first instinct."
She pulled me out of the store and into the main part of the mall. People bumped past us, toting along shopping bags and children, and I pulled my hat lower. So far my generic hat-and-sunglasses disguise had worked very well. I guess the egomaniac in a hat was good for something after all.
We were here to get presents for Jake's birthday, and I'd been stressing out the whole time. What do you get someone who has the money to buy anything he likes? I ended up picking out cologne that was nice, but it still didn't feel good enough.
"I don't think it's perfect, Lilly." I complained. "It's not personal enough. Anyone can buy someone cologne!"
I angrily shoved at the door of Victoria's Secret. Lilly was right, wasting my life away was stupid. But no one said there was anything wrong with buying away my frustration and anger!
"Of course it's personal! Cologne is one of the most intimate gifts you can get someone! Every time he wears it he'll think of you and vice versa! Stop freaking out so much. You could buy him a Q-Tip and he'd love it." She eagerly grabbed something off a rack. She grimaced at the price tag.
"Whatever, he's going to hate it. I hate my life." I whined. I sniffed at perfume on display.
"Oh shut up. Hey, how's your uterus today?" She smelled another perfume.
I sighed loudly in discontent. "Completely empty." I glared at an ugly bra on a manikin.
She drifted toward the bras I was venting my anger on. She picked up a bright blue one with white lace that was next to the ugly one.
"Cute!" I complimented. She held it out in front of her and examined it.
"Lilly likey!" She held it in her hand and continued looking. She gave up and turned to me.
"But you aren't on your period. Unless you got it this morning."
I rummaged mindlessly through the pile of underwear on a table behind me.
"The lack of period says I am pregnant, the little pregnancy sticks say I'm not." I held up a thong that looked very uncomfortable and Lilly laughed at it, her hand over her mouth. It had some sort of weird animal print on it. Like a zebra/giraffe hybrid or something. I set it back down and turned to Lilly. "You know, most people assume if you don't get your period you're pregnant. But it's really easy to not get your period. For example, you can skip them when you're very stressed out, which trying to conceive happens to be. It's disappointing."
She pushed her lower lip out. "Poor Mwiley," She cooed, "She doesn't get to lose her hot bod for a pregnant one. You poor, poor soul. I'm sure women everywhere pity for you."
I glared. "That's not funny. Don't mock my goals."
She walked over to another part of the store and I followed.
"Sorry. So how are you and Jakers going about this? Do you have weird little calendars or what?"
I looked through all the lingerie while I pondered how to answer her question.
"No we're just kind of…being less restrictive." I settled with. I spotted a really pretty and sexy purple lace flyaway babydoll and pulled it off the rack. I wonder if it would be bad to shop for myself when I was supposed to be getting his birthday present. But then again this could always be a joint present! Besides, it'd make me feel beautiful and everything, but he'd probably enjoy it more than I would. And it was only forty eight dollars, plus matching panties. It'd be wrong to ignore a price like that.
"Miley? Hello?" Lilly poked my shoulder. I jumped.
"Sorry! I was in shopping mode! I'm back now. What did you say?" I turned to the mirror on the wall and held the lingerie up to me, trying to make sure it would look good.
"I asked what that meant." She seemed humored by me.
"Basically that I don't take birth control anymore and we can blow off responsibilities to have sex and not feel guilty about it because we're trying to bring more life to the world." I turned to Lilly, still holding the clothing up to me. "What do you think? Is purple a lucky color?"
She laughed and it was hard not to join in. Shopping really does make everything better sometimes.
"I think it will drive poor Jake insane." She paused. "Get it, hot stuff." She joked.
I rolled my eyes. "You're insane. But I love you."
"I know." She stroked a satin teddy thoughtfully and then spun around.
"That explains the wardrobe change!"
I paused in my further investigation of the rack.
"What?"
She motioned at my jean skirt.
"You wear more skirts and dresses than you used to. That explains it."
I held the pretty purple lingerie back up to me and turned back to the mirror.
"I don't understand. Do you think this will make my boobs look small?"
She ignored my question and turned around so she was leaning against the table behind her.
"Oh you know, easy acces—Mr. Stewart! Mr. and Mrs. Ryan! Hi!" Lilly's voice was tense. I spun around; almost positive she was tricking me. However, I froze when I found myself face to face with my father and my in-laws.
I smiled, embarrassment locking my joints into place.
"Daddy! Alana! Jim! What a surprise! We all came to Victoria's Secret on the same day! What a strange and frankly very creepy coincidence!" I awkwardly avoided their eyes. How long had they been in hearing distance?
They appeared just as awkward as me.
"We were getting Jake's present. It's a joint thing, so we all came and we saw you and Lilly from outside and decided to come and say hello." Alana explained. I wanted to move away from the lingerie but if I did suddenly it would look suspicious.
I nodded. "I'm getting his present too."
All three of their eyes locked on my body and I realized I was still holding the pretty but barely there lingerie up to me. I turned around very fast, my face burning, and shoved it into Lilly's arms. I tucked my hair behind my ear nervously.
"Um, that isn't for him." I stuttered. Alana raised an eyebrow and it took me a minute to realize how that might have been taken.
"No! I don't mean it's for someone else! I mean that that isn't what I got him for his birthday!" Although that isn't a half bad idea…
My dad and Jim looked like they wanted to run away and hide. I nervously motioned at my shopping bags. "I bought him something else. I was just in here wasting time. I'm supposed to meet him at the food court in about ten minutes. I was…getting sweatpants." I lied. My dad looked eager to swallow the lie, Jim looked like he couldn't believe I thought they'd fall for that, and Alana just rolled her eyes.
"Mmhmm." She looked at the clothing…or, well, underwear in Lilly's hands. "Sweatpants just keep getting skimpier and skimpier by each year. When I was young they were actual pants. Now they resemble lingerie!"
My dad flinched at the word. I felt like my face was as hot as the surface of the sun. Only I would have such bad luck. I can't even look at lingerie without my parent and my husband's parents randomly showing up behind me.
"Right, well, this is extremely awkward, so I'm going to go over there and die." I mumbled. I rapidly marched off. I only made it about three feet before I spun around and snatched the lingerie out of Lilly's hand and determinedly walked up to the checkout line. The trio of misery followed me.
"You know, this is why they invented online shopping." I mumbled.
My dad rested a hand on my shoulder. The cashier rang it up and I paid quickly with cash, hoping to hide my identity forever.
"Miles, I just want to say that,--"
The cashier handed me the bag. I turned around and his hand fell from my shoulder.
"Don't worry Dad! My uterus is completely empty!" I angrily walked away. I didn't want to hear another talk from him about how Jake and I needed to be careful because I "just" had a baby and I didn't need the stress of having another one. Somehow five years ago is "just". If he knew we were trying to have a child he would probably sit me down and give me one of his long talks with all the similes and metaphors I don't understand.
"What in Sam's heck is up with her?" I heard him ask Lilly. They followed me out and I sat on a bench outside the store. They stopped outside the doorway and I could hear every word they were saying.
"I think she's a little embarrassed."
"Ya think?" I muttered bitterly underneath my breath. I glared at their feet until a mouth suddenly pressed against mine. I jumped and realized it was Jake. He kept kissing me in ways probably not appropriate and I wish he understood this was really not to the time for public displays of affection.
He pulled away and sat beside me. He was also clad in sunglasses and a hat. He grabbed the Victoria's Secret bag.
"Ooh, anything for me?" I smacked his hand before he could look in there. If that was going to be part of his present he wasn't allowed to see it until his birthday. He looked up in surprise and then frowned at my expression.
"Who's embarrassed you?"
I pointed wordlessly at his parents and my father at the mouth of the store. He grabbed the bag again and looked at it. He looked up at our parental figures. He looked back at the bag.
"They didn't!" He exclaimed.
I felt like crying I was so mortified. "They did. I was even holding it up to myself." I sniffed.
"Holding it up? What is it?" I hit his arm and glared. I was upset; he should be a little more focused on me than what I bought.
"I'm sorry honey," He kissed my cheek and pulled his sunglasses up. He glared at his parents. My dad glared at him and Lilly waved happily. She skipped over.
"Your mom is concerned about your sex life." She cheerfully sat down. I felt like shooting myself and I pressed my face into his chest. I hid my head inside his jacket until voices were a soft buzz and it was completely dark. This cologne smells new. Dammit! He already got new cologne! Screw my life.
"Why would she be…what did you buy in there?" He poked my side and reached for the bag again. I clenched it shut and set it in my lap. He poked me again.
"Miley?"
"I'M NEVER COMING OUT!" I screamed. He sighed.
I heard footsteps and I guessed he'd called his parents over there. I pulled the jacket tighter around my head.
"What in the world did you do to her?!" He exclaimed.
"She's just embarrassed." Alana set a hand on my shoulder. "Miley, are you okay, dear? I wasn't trying to embarrass you. Really. There's nothing wrong with you buying ling—
"LALALALA I CAN'T HEEEEARRRRR YOUUUUU! DON'T TELL MY EARS, MY INNOCENT CLEAN EARS, 'CAUSE I JUST DON'T THINK THEY'LL UNDERSTAND! AND IF YOU TELL MY EARS, THESE IGNORANCE-IS-BLISS EARS, THEY MIGHT BLOW UP AND KILL THIS MAN! WOOOO!"
Somehow, my dad's outburst broke the awkward silence. Laughter escaped me and Jake tickled my stomach. I laughed until my stomach hurt and I finally gave up. I pulled my head out and slumped beside him, my arms crossed over my chest, laughter slipping from between my lips. My dad sat beside me and slung an arm over my shoulder.
"See? Things ain't as bad as they sometimes seem, bud."
No, the fact they saw me buying lingerie was still mortifying. But I'll live. Maybe.
"Just don't give me a gun and I'll recover." I mumbled. Jim frowned.
"You've got my daughter-in-law suicidal!" He accused Jake in a voice that clearly stated he was joking. "Bad." He scolded.
Jake gasped with the air of insult, "I do not! You guys are the ones who embarrassed her!"
"You're the reason she was in there in the first place," Lilly sang. I felt another blush creep up on me.
"Okay, we're going to stop right there." I stood up, "Who would like lunch?"
I didn't wait for an answer. I grabbed the bag and took off toward the food court and I kind of hoped they'd all just not come. I love them, but they seriously could have walked away when they saw me and Lilly in there. I don't even know how they recognized me with my hat and sunglasses on.
I sat down at the most private booth in the food court and waited until they caught up. Some people shot me strange glances, because of the sunglasses and hat indoors, but didn't seem to be able to recognize who I was. Jake was the next person to arrive. He scooted in beside me and pulled me onto his lap. He kissed my cheek. When we saw our parents coming up, he moved me to his other side. Jim, Alana, and my dad sat down across from us and for some reason they all looked very disapproving. Lilly guiltily stood outside of the only seat available. I lifted my sunglasses and gave her a look which clearly stated she needed to sit down.
She played with her earring, "Umm…I'm gonna go…to Charlotte Russe. I'm not hungry." She started to walk away but then spun back around. "I'm sorry!" She exclaimed to me and Jake. "I thought they knew!"
She hurried off and Jake and I shot each other confused looks. What could she possibly…--
"Lilly said you two are trying to have another baby." Alana's voice was flat. Oh my God Lilly didn't! What the hell?! Why, why, WHY, would she tell them that?! Wow this day just keeps getting better and better.
"And if we are?" Jake challenged.
The three of them looked at each other and then back at us.
"Bud, we really don't think that's such a good idea." Dad explained slowly.
I felt anger stain my cheeks. I clenched my fists tightly under the table.
"And I really don't see how it's any of your concern." I replied evenly.
Alana glared. "That is our son and you are his daughter. It concerns us just as much as it concerns you two. All three of us have a terrible feeling about this."
Their son spoke, "Why do you have a terrible feeling about it?"
"We don't know. But you two know what that doctor said, and Cole is only five." Jim said gently.
Who did they think they were? They can't just tell Jake and me when it's right to have another child!
"He is our son," I worked to keep my anger in check, "And we know that he would love to have another sibling."
My dad suddenly hit the table with his fist. I jumped.
"Mile, this has nothin' to do with him wantin' another little brother or sister! This has to do with you and Jake! We don't think you can handle it!"
"Why wouldn't we? We know how hard it is to take care of a baby, but we've done it before. If we want this and we're set on it, everything will be okay." Jake said. He unwound my hands under the table and took my left.
"No it won't." Alana said sharply. "You are setting yourselves up for disappointment. Let's play Reality Check Time, something you two obviously don't play anymore. The odds of her getting pregnant and actually carrying to full term are next to nothing. You're going to hurt yourself by even trying." Her voice softened. "I know what it's like to be young and feel like together you can move mountains. But unfortunately, love only blinds. You two are living in your own little fairy tale universe and aren't facing reality. This is the reality: this can only hurt you. If it was just me feeling this way, I'd ignore it. But we all feel like that. Just please don't hurt yourselves."
I took my glasses off and set them on the table.
"Thank you for the concern, but I think we can handle this."
Alana angrily spread her hands out on the table. "No, you can't! This is what makes it so much worse—you two have no idea what you are getting into!"
Jim and my dad nodded in agreement.
"How the hell do we not know?! You know the cute, sweet, blonde little boy that calls you grandma?! Yeah, we raised him!" I was shaking with anger.
"We are talking about you trying to conceive! We aren't worry about what happens after the child is born! You have no idea how much it can hurt you emotionally to continually be let down and disappointed by your own body!" Alana's face turned red with frustrated anger. "You both just don't get it. You are naïve and not ready at all for something like this. This will destroy you." Her lips pressed into a straight line. "Go back on birth control."
"Whoa!" Jake exclaimed. "Who the hell do you think you are?"
She gasped. "Apparently I'm the mother to the most disrespectful child I've ever met!"
That was it. I grabbed my purse and bag and slid out of the booth.
"You can tell us how to manage our sex life when we start telling you! This is our choice and it doesn't involve any of you!"
"We just love you Mile!" My dad begged, "You need to listen to us! You are not too old to take advice from people older and wiser. You don't see what you two are going to do to yourselves!"
Jake slid out of the booth and stood beside me.
"Yes we do. We're fighting for what we want, no matter the obstacles. Something you always told me to do, Dad. What happened to 'chase your dreams, bud!'? I don't understand you."
I started to walk away but Jim's voice stopped me.
"Don't go. We hardly get to see you two anymore. Forget we said anything and just come back. We'll eat and not bring it up again."
Alana glared at him. My dad agreed with him. Jake slid back into the booth. I hesitated and then sat down. Alana tapped my dad and he moved out of the booth so she could get out. I thought she was leaving, but she threw a sentence over her shoulder and she marched off.
"I'm ordering the food!"
Jake frowned. "…she didn't ask us what we wanted."
A silence set over us. It was very awkward, with the lingerie and wished-for-pregnancy wedged between each side of the booth. I found it hard to look in my dad's eyes. He made me feel like I was doing something wrong. I tried to tell myself I wasn't, but I couldn't shake the feeling.
"So how are you two?" Jim broke the silence.
Jake answered his question while I felt sick and uneasy.
"How's your CD coming along?" Jim asked me. I shrugged halfheartedly.
"Good, I guess." I muttered. I felt like crying. Nothing is worse than a parent's disappointment. Jake set a comforting hand on my leg.
Suddenly, people slid into the booth beside me. I was shoved painfully into Jake and I moved into his lap to keep from being turned into a pancake. Three of Jake's friends had come over and invited themselves to our table. They were the three least jerky, that of which I was glad for.
"Who the hell let you three in here?" Jake joked. The three—who go by Shia, Nick, and David respectively—grinned. Shia had on nothing to hide his identity. Nick and David both had baseball caps on.
Shia waved at me while David smiled in greeting and Nick muttered "hello". I nodded at them and sighed. We were going to be here forever. I just wanted to go home and sulk.
Shia's eyes fell on the Victoria's Secret bag and I quickly pulled it into my lap as his hand extended.
"Don't even think about it."
David and Nick laughed. Shia didn't seem to care. He cheerfully looked back at the rest of the table.
"Good, all guys, except for that ho over there." He joked. I glared in pretend anger. "I have a great joke. Okay so why doesn't Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a---"
I rolled my eyes and cut him off. "Everyone's already heard that disgusting joke, Shia."
Shia frowned.
"Oh! Well how about this one! A man w—"
"No."
"Oh…what about the one about the—"
"Not in this lifetime."
"But you can't have heard the one about—"
"Yes."
He sighed and David laughed. Alana walked up to the table holding two trays full of food. She glared at Shia as she set the food down. He grinned.
"Alana!"
She ignored him and slid into the booth.
"I still hate you."
"And somehow I'll live with that!" He exclaimed. She smiled nicely at David and Nick.
"Hello, dears. You two were always my favorite out of all Jake's friends. You're both so sweet and mature."
David smiled and Nick thanked her.
"What? Are you saying I'm not sweet and mature? Michele thinks I'm VERY sweet and mature, I'll have you know." Shia angrily slouched in the booth. Alana pushed a plate toward me and I couldn't help but notice it was the most fattening of all the foods. I wasn't sure if she was aiming at making me gain weight in the hope Jake wouldn't find me attractive, or if she was purposely trying to show me what I'd be missing if I got pregnant. Either way, it pissed me off.
I think Jake noticed what she was doing. He ate off my plate and offered me his, which was much less unhealthy. I took it just to irritate Alana. She got huffy and set her drink down with more force than was even necessary.
David's cell phone suddenly went off. Shia looked over his shoulder and wiggled his eyebrows.
"Guess who that is, Jake?"
Jake played along. "Hmm…Megan? Get it David! Smack that tonight!"
Alana choked on her drink.
David blushed. "You guys…" He sighed. He slid out of the booth and answered. He walked away from the boys' catcalls.
"I should go join my single and free comrade," Shia nodded lazily at David.
"Marriage is better." Nick argued. Nick was married to a beautiful and kind woman named Jen. I'd met her once at a party.
"Hell yeah!" Jake exclaimed. Jake reached over me and they did their stupid handshake. Sometimes Jake was worse about talking than I was. He could talk to his friends forever.
Shia clapped their shoulders. "Keep telling yourselves that. I'm going to go call Michele. We're going to a movie tonight in Los Angeles and it runs late. As in, too late to be out driving. And if you married boys forgot what that means, it means we are going to need to spend the night in a hotel. I pity you."
Nick moved so Shia could slide out.
"Big deal, you're spending the night with her. When you're married you spend every night with her. Think of that, big boy." Jake grinned. Nick's smile widened and he sympathetically clapped Shia on the shoulder, just as he had done to them earlier.
Shia shot them a bird as he was walking off and Alana growled.
"Ugh, that boy is the most disrespectful child I've ever met!"
"I thought that was me," Jake whispered to me. I laughed and she glared at us.
I looked to see where David went, and I smiled to see Cole, Oliver, and Emily running over. Well, Emily and Cole were running over and Oliver was panting and trying to keep up. I tapped Nick.
"I need to get out."
He moved so I could get out and I quickly slid out. Cole threw his arms around my waist and I kissed his head.
"Hi, Coley! Did you have fun shopping?" I sat on the end of the booth and he sat in my lap.
"I did! Mommy, look at the tambourine Oliver bought me!" Cole dug into the pocket of his little jeans and pulled out a travel-size ibuprofen bottle. He shook it and I could hear the pills moving around. I gasped and glared at Oliver.
"Oliver! What the hel—crap! You gave my baby PILLS?! What is wrong with you?! You ass—"
"Oooooooooooooh!!!" Emily and Cole chorused. Emily pointed. "Miley said a bad word." Cole giggled. "She said ASS!"
Alana gasped.
"Oops!" I muttered. Jake and Nick howled with laughter and I backtracked.
"No, Coley, don't say that word. It's a bad word. Mommy is sorry; I didn't mean to say it. I meant that Oliver is a jack…I mean, he's a jerk."
Cole nodded slowly. I turned back to Oliver.
"As I was saying—YOU GAVE MY BABY PILLS!"
"Calm. He can't open that top."
I gently pulled the bottle from Cole's fingers. His bottom lip trembled.
"It's okay, Coley, I'm going to fill it with something better that you can even eat!" He sniffed. I leaned over Nick.
"Jake, do you have any quarters?"
He pulled his wallet out of his pocket and handed it to me. I took Cole's hand and we walked over to the candy machines. I dumped the medicine into my purse. How the hell could Oliver give my son pills? He's so careless.
I put a quarter in the machine and turned the knob. I opened the hatch and the candy fell into my hands. I put it into the bottle and then bought a little more until it was full enough. I put the top back on and handed it to Cole. He shook it and I handed him the rest of the candy.
"Go share it with Emily."
He nodded and ran back to the table. I walked back over and glared at Oliver.
"What?!"
"You are dead to me."
I sat back down and Emily crawled up beside me.
"Look at my princess hair!" She giggled. Her fine, dark curls were pulled back into sparkly butterfly clips.
"That's beautiful, Em! Your Daddy is getting much better at that!"
She nodded. Cole pressed some candy into her palm and she eagerly stuffed it into her mouth and then offered him a colorful smile.
"Do you like my dress?" She muttered around her candy. She played with the hem of the pretty, lavender dress. I hugged her and smoothed the back of her hair down.
"I think it makes you look like a real princess."
She gave me a blank look.
"I am a real princess."
Jake and Nick laughed.
"Oh, right, sorry. Silly me."
"Silly Miley." She thought for a moment and then stuck her fingers into her mouth. She pulled a piece of gooey candy out. "Do you want some of my candy?"
"No, that's okay. You can keep it." Suddenly, Cole crawled up on my lap from under the table. He shoved candy into my mouth. I prayed it was sticky from being in his clenched fist and not from being in his mouth. I chewed it quickly. It tasted horrible.
"Thank you, Coley. But you probably shouldn't shove candy into people's mouths."
He leaned over to Jake, his hand outstretched, and Jake quickly took the candy before it was shoved down his throat.
"Thank you, Cole." He ate it. Cole held some out to Nick, his eyebrows raised. Nick swiftly took it.
Once Cole had handed candy out to the whole table, he leaned his head back on me and sighed.
"Tired?" I asked. I smoothed his hair.
He sighed again. "No. I'm bored. I want to go to the park with Emily."
"And I'm hot!" Emily complained. She grabbed the bottom of her dress and proceeded to pull it off her. I hurriedly stopped her.
"Princesses never take their clothes off in public, Em."
She frowned.
"So what they just burn up?!"
I unbuttoned her white sweater. She pulled it off so she was just in her short-sleeved dress.
"Better?" I asked. She nodded.
Cole laughed and I looked down at him. He had his shirt off.
"Cole, honey, we're in public. You need to wear clothes." I worked his shirt back over his head.
"But Emily took clothes off! And Daddy says that boys can take their shirts off because they don't have—
"Shhh! No Daddy didn't!" Jake hastily said. He handed Cole a french-fry.
"I'm sure whatever Daddy said wasn't right for little boys to be repeating, isn't that right, Jake?" I glared at him. He smiled innocently. Cole suddenly grabbed the bag sitting beside Jake.
"What did you buy?" He started to open it. I snatched it from him.
"Shots. Everyone who looks has to get one."
He flinched away from the bag.
"And you honestly think you can handle another one?!" Alana suddenly blurted out.
"Another what?" Cole asked curiously.
"Another stove. Come on, Coley, let's go look at the toys." I promptly helped Emily out of the seat so Cole and I could get out.
"You haven't even told him yet?!" My dad exclaimed. It seemed him and Jim had gotten bored with their private little conversation they had going on.
I ignored them and marched off with Cole. Once we rounded the corner, Cole darted excitedly into a store. I followed after him and let him pick a toy out.
I couldn't explain to myself why I suddenly felt so uneasy. Our parents had to be wrong. Right?