Animal Crackers

As I slinked through the city, I started to come out of the daze that I was in – able to think more freely than before, it felt as it I was awakening. I didn't exactly want the thoughts that came to me, however. Without the bloodlust for my company, other thoughts entered my head. The black cape that Jane had lent me billowed around my body; the hood shadowed my eyes, red as glinting rubies. I could just barely remember those years – eight years – spent in Alaska with my former family. They'd been so wonderful to someone who so obviously didn't deserve even the slightest bit of it. My former sister so dutifully kept her promise – they were all there when I awoke, having uprooted their lives for me. For what? For me to betray them, after they'd spent all those years helping me – brothers, sisters, father, mother . . . I did not allow the other to come to mind, that brought more pain than all those years again – for this time, it was I who had betrayed him.

But I could never go back, no matter how much my thoughts begged me to. I would not be the burden I had been after I had done what I had – feed on the one human that had led me to Volterra, that had led me to feed on so many others after that.

Now, it was neither world that I belonged in. Volterra couldn't remain my home for very much longer – I'd hunted in their city. I'd have to run, become a nomad like the one who had forced Edward to leave me for the second time, sixteen years ago now, right after my children were born. Funny how what started this would be how I ended up, too. Something dirty and living in the streets – I doubted the Volturi would accept me any longer. And neither would the Cullens. It hurt me still to think the name, but not as much as it did to think of the twins. Who'd lost a mother to herself. Who knew not that I was alive. Who would never know that I was alive, now.

I continued to slink along the shadow sheathed walls of the alley ways, pressed to them. Demitri couldn't find me, but I didn't want the pleasure of running into one of their guard. Dark hair fell in waves around my face, covered by the hood of the cape I was wearing. The darkness was my escape, my cover, I became a moving part of the shadows created by the walls and clouds above.

He did not blend in as easily.

My father's form wasn't a part of the shadows – he was too pure to do that, too good.

He was a world that I was no longer a part of.

Would he even see me as his daughter anymore? I did not blame him for not seeing me that way. In fact, I would expect it – but I couldn't find out, couldn't go near him. I pressed myself to the wall, not breathing, for fear of him hearing me.

They say that mothers have an extra sense that lets them know about their children – but it was the father, not the mother, who turned around this time. It was the father who's breath was sucked in harshly, as if he'd seen a ghost.

Perhaps he had.

I was gone within an instant, before my mother could exclaim concern, racing back through the alleys. Within the blink of a human eye, I was alleys away, gone from his hearing range and sight.

I collapsed, when I was far enough, sliding against the wall and closing my eyes. Sobs wracked my chest – it was true then, there was no other reason for them to be in Volterra other than they knew where I was and that they were looking for me. My sister must have been the one who knew – her visions must have told her where I had gone after meeting Jane.

I wrapped my arms around myself, letting my head fall to my knees, trying to keep quiet. I didn't need one of them – either side, Volturi or Cullen – to be finding me, much less a human. I doubt that their lives would last long if flesh and blood were to stumble upon me. I already felt the all too familiar ache – I didn't want to feel anymore.

Why were they looking for me? It was an impossibility that they wanted me back, after what I had done to them, caused such trouble in their family. If not for me, none of this would have happened – they wouldn't be evading the Volturi, they wouldn't be in Volterra. Two young girls, barely sixteen, wouldn't be in danger of losing their lives.

Perhaps they had come to destroy me – yes, that seemed plausible. More plausible, at least, then them coming back for me – to take me away. That was an impossibility. They both wanted to destroy me, both sides. I had expected no less, I guess.

… but if he didn't want to destroy me? He wasn't a vicious creature, after all. But after what I had done?

I felt restless, out of control. My mind was spinning in a thousand different directions as I made what I knew would be the second worst decision of my life.

I got to my feet, and advanced to the spot where I knew my former mother and father would still be, where I knew he would be wondering if he'd seen me, or if he'd seen a ghost. Where I knew my mother would be near tears, he'd be trying to comfort her …

And my presence wouldn't help them.

I felt like a maniac as I went back on my previous decision to go talk to my father and ran again through out the city. I needed out, that was all I truly needed – I needed an escape.

Blood.

Author's Note:

Alright, I'm sorry, guys that this has been so long of a time! I haven't meant to be avoiding you – I've just had a lot to do.

This chapter explains what was going on in Bella's mind when she first saw Carlisle – when she almost went back, that was what Alice saw.

Yes, it was implied that she fed again at the end of this chapter.

I'm seventeen now. Happy Birthday to me.

Vronvy – the rest of the story is coming! Its just taking me awhile to update, because I'm special like that.

Aliat – I don't mind the long reviews!