Once they said good morning Eddie realized she was in an exceptionally good mood but didn't know why.
"What are you smiling at?" Eddie asked
"You"
"I got that but why?"
"I'm just glad to see you this morning."
"I'm glad to see you to" He kissed her hand
--------------------------
"Hey beautiful, I missed you" Eddie kissed her from behind when he came in for lunch.
"You hungry?"
"I'll settle for coffee to wash those cookies down but you got a second to talk first."
"Yeah, sure."
"I don't think so, it's lunch shift baby doll" Rooster smarted off
"Baby Doll?" Eddie asked him raising his brow
"Figure of speech, don't get your panties bunched" Rooster replied walking off to deliver an order
"Come on" They stepped into the hallway.
"What's wrong?" Janet asked expecting him to talk to her about Rory
"I wanted to give this back to you." He handed her the key to her house that had been in his bag of cookies.
"Okay, can I ask you why? Because I thought we agreed it was okay to swim in each others puddles. Did I misunderstand." She became noticeably upset
"No you didn't misunderstand, we did it's just I wanted to do it first but I've sorta got a shut in infestation to go with the spiders but Phil assures me there are no mice. So I thought maybe we should wait until we can do it together.
"But, I wanted you to be able to come and go..." She took a deep breath
"Hey, don't be so sad."
"It's kinda hard not to be when your boyfriend throws the key to your house back at you." She replied smiling but she was hurt and he knew it
"Janet"
"It's fine Eddie if you don't want it don't use it." She gave it back to him
"I never said I didn't want it..." He remained calm trying to talk to her
"Can we not argue about it, please. I gave it to you. It's yours. Do what you want with it." She had yet to raise her voice or get angry. She didn't want it back she wanted him to have, if he gave it back she couldn't live in denial and at the moment trying to breathe was her main goal.
"Baby, I don't think you understand what I'm saying now" He bent and kissed her
"Eddie, please don't make this worse trying to fix it."
He pulled her close hugging her "I did miss you today"
She squeezed him tighter than she ever had before"I missed you to" Janet went back to work and Eddie followed her taking his stool.
-----------------
"See you after I talk to Phil."
"Yeah, I'll leave the door unlocked so you don't have to let yourself in. Hopefully a mass murderer want get me" Janet replied and Eddie knew it was reference to all the times he'd fussed at her about leaving it unlocked.
"We'll sit down and talk tonight. I know I'm an ass baby for wanting to do everything right, just wait up for me. There's some things I need to tell you." They kissed goodbye
----------------------------------
"Hello"
"Hey Janet" Phil answered
"Is Eddie there?"
"Yeah, he's here"
"Can I talk to him for a minute please?"
"I think he went out, I heard the door but his trucks still here."
"That's fine I'll just come over." She couldn't wait and she didn't want to sit in her own house and hear about another woman.
"Okay, I'll let him know when he comes in"
-------------------------------------
Janet parked in front of her house and looked in the rear view mirror at her self before she ever got out. When she did, she walked up the walk and the porch steps then unlocked her front door. She tripped on one of his shoes and picked it up throwing it across the front room knocking picture frames to the floor in her moment of rage. She realized she'd knocked over and broken her favorite picture of Eddie. She stood still for a moment then walked away.
She picked up a few things that were sitting around out of place and took Eddie's empty glass from breakfast to the kitchen and washed it along with hers from that morning, she dried her hands and opened the fridge to see about dinner. Nothing was appealing and she realized he wouldn't be feeding him for diner so she settled on the remainder of the tequila in the cabinet, shot by shot she stood there without emotion until it was gone. Once she disposed of the empty bottle she went to her room and opened the closet, removing his clothes from the hangers and folding them neatly into a box. She checked her messages when her phone beeped and she had one from Eddie.
I'm coming I've got to go by the shop
She sent a text back
It's to late, Eddie. You don't have to.
Eddie looked at his watch and it was only nine thirty so he was going to go anyway he needed to talk to her, he had to tell her how much he loved her and his plans.
Janet finished packing his things and left the box on the bed, she wasn't going to sleep with Eddie's things she wanted him and she was to proud a woman to suffer a loss of something she never had. She wasn't going to drag around her house un showered in his shirts for a week or wait by the phone for his call. He'd tell her about Rory when he got ready to there was no since in forcing him, it'd change nothing but his things would be ready for him when and if he came for them. She didn't want to make it worse for him or drag it out for herself either.
Her phone rang and it was Rooster. "Nows not a good time Rooster"
"Everything okay, you left early?"
"Yeah, I'm just out of tequila other than that I'm fine."
"You need a friend?"
"I don't need anyone" She hung up on him and sat down on the couch not sure what she was supposed to be doing at the moment. She could watch t.v. or clean the house or sleep but she'd forgotten how to do any of those things without Eddie and she was to intoxicated to relearn. After a few minutes of straightening the throw pillows over and over again she wiped her cheek and saw a tear on the end of her finger. That was all it took for her to cry over sorrow for the first time since she was 16.
Janet sent him a message about fifteen minutes later. "I need alcohol"
-----------------------------------------------
"Janet"
She rolled her back to him "Please don't , just go"
"I'm not leaving you like this"
"Go Vincent, I'm sorry just go"
"But…."
"God just get the hell out……." She started sobbing for Eddie
"He's not coming this time sweetie. He'll never come again."
"He's going to hate me for this."
"Why do you care?"
"Don't you get it, he didn't do it on purpose. He didn't mean to but I did."
"You shouldn't have to be alone because he's an ass"
"Don't call him that, he's not an ass. Just go, leave I've hurt him enough."
"I think we both know he's not hurting tonight."
"Yes he is, she'll hurt him, she's hurting him now and so am I "
"Don't touch me" Janet pulled away from Rooster and locked her self in the bathroom. After an hour he finally decided to go.
"Janet, I'm not sure what you want me to do but I'll go for now. Call me please. I'll see you in the morning then." Janet was sitting in the shower still crying as the water turned cold. When she was sufficiently shivering she started to scrub herself hard as if it would change what she'd done.
She took one of Eddie's shirts out of the box that had been knocked to the floor and slipped it on then picked up the rest of his things and took them with her into the spare room and spent the night crying and hanging off the side of the bed puking into a waste basket.
-----------------
"You're late, that's not like you" Sully said to her when she came in an hour late.
"I'm sorry Sully I had to do something this morning it want happen again. "
"How's things with Eddie since evilness came back? You know I was just giving you a hard time about Rory don't you? Eddie's not going anywhere, he's staying right around your little finger the way he likes it"
"I'm sure Eddie's fine, he looked happy the last time I saw him anyway"
"Are you sure your okay, you don't look so spry this morning"
"Yeah, I'm fine." Janet walked off and tried to call Eddie again and again.
-----------------
"Eddie, it's me look I really need to talk to you. I know I said it was to late and I guess now it really is but there is something I'd like to tell you at least and I've got your stuff for you. I could bring it by or you can come get it if you even want it. Just let me know. " First it was being in shock
"Baby, please call me. I don't want to end this over the phone and I would feel better if I knew you were okay. Anyway, I hope..Eddie. Just be happy baby." Then it mixed with a little pleading denial
"I guess now I'm officially the physco ex-girlfriend. Oh well call me anyway, just do me a favor and wait until Rory leaves. I don't deserve to be dumped in front of her two days in a row. I'm sorry Eddie, I really am and I'd like to think I was strong enough to wait until you come to tell me but I'm not. For what it's worth I loved you, I love you and I know you never set out to hurt me but if your happy now, with her I guess you finally did something noteworthy, well voice mail worthy anyway." She tried to end it on a more cheery note having reached the point of self preservation
When Rooster came in he nearly made her sick again and she called Eddie out of desperation again. She had to confess even if he'd moved on she couldn't live with her self otherwise and somewhere deep down she needed him to tell her she was beautiful and not the woman she felt like she was at the moment even if he hated her. Nick called her shortly thereafter to let her know he was in the hospital.
-------------------------------
"I can't do this Hannah, I've got to go."
"Cant do what Janet? Ray didn't have anything to do with Eddie being beaten."
"Not now Hannah" Janet was furious Hannah even brought it up when she knew what was on Janet's mind. Hannah may not know he dumped her but she knew what Janet did.
"You can't leave we're in the middle of my engagement party"
"I wish you lots of happiness I do but I can't do this, not now"
"But your the maid of Honor"
"God you know what it's not ALWAYS about HANNAH JANE DANIELS CATALDO, whatever "
"I'll go" Ray went after her having walked in on the end of the exchange and finidng Hannah about to cry
--------------------------
"Meadows what the hell was that about?"
"Stay away from me Ray. " Janet barked when he caught up to her on the sidewalk
"I'm not going to hurt you. I wouldn't do that…"
"Well you already have more than you'll ever know so just go enjoy your party."
"Janet I never meant to hurt you, what happened between us...."
"Don't stand here and act like anything happened, my god Ray we had drunk sex one night that's all there is to it. And you've hurt me more than you'll ever know."
"I'm sorry I never meant for you to be..."
"I wasn't going to tell her and neither was Eddie. As much as he dislikes you he believes you truly love Hannah."
"What's going on?"
"Nothing" Ray replied to Hannah Jane
"Janet I don't know what Eddie told you but Ray didn't do this"
"Eddie hasn't said a word to me about who did it but you just remember who's been there for Sam with no ulterior motive before you start taking sides"
"Ray loves me and he loves Sam"
"No one destroyed your life but you, Hannah" Janet shot back knowing Hannah didn't believe a word she said herself
"And you're Ms. Innocent now?" Hannah asked
"Don't worry Ray I'm not going to tell Hannah about your little indiscretion."
"What indisgretion?"
"Does it matter Hannah, aren't you just going to sweep it under the rug and pretend it's not there the same way you always do so you can avoid having to answer for anything"
"Just because you messed up doesn't mean you've got a free pass to start pushing everyone Else's in their face"
"I'm answering for mine Hannah, you should try it. It hurts like hell but at least I'm an honest woman, maybe not a respectable one but honest"
"What's she talking about Hannah Jane?"
"I don't know why don't you tell me?"
----------------------------
John opened his door to see his big sister standing there and he in just his jeans pulling his shirt over his head. "You're busy, I'll see you later" Janet knew he had company.
"No, it's fine. You're not going anywhere." He knew she hit her wall.
"Sit, give me a minute" He left Janet in the den and his company left.
"You want to talk about it?"
"Did you and Frank need me?"
"Of course we need you?"
"But did you need me, when mom died. Did you need me hovering over you?"
"I don't think you could really consider taking care of us as hovering, Jay"
"But did you need me to do it or was I just trying to...."
"Yes we needed you to take care of us but I do think you used it as an excuse not to deal with it yourself and I think you already know that."
Janet was silent for a while. "I cried but it wasn't for mom."
"Eddie" Janet just nodded
"What happened"
"He's in the hospital, he was beaten by three guy's"
"Is he going to be okay?"
"I think so, he didn't really say"
"It scared you is that why your here instead of with him?" John knew that wasn't it but held out hope
"No, I'm not scared. I'm angry."
"At who?"
"Eddie"
"Why?"
"The same reason I'm mad at mom"
"Because he's gone."
"Yeah, he's gone and it's my fault. I think it hurt to much and I didn't want him to be the one to go."
"Just tell me what happened, Sis"
"I cheated on him."
"WHAT?"
"Janet the man loves you, why would you do that to him?" He was somewhat harsh to his big sis that seemed to need a big brother at the moment
"Eddie doesn't love me, he wants to but he can't and I can't live with just wants and needs. He's still in love with the love of his life and she just happens to come with Blond hair and long legs."
"He told you that"
"He didn't have to I saw him kiss her and he told me he stopped it because of us but I had already......I don't want to talk about it. It's such a pathetic mess."
"You're not pathetic"
"You know what's so hard about it. I really hate that I'm mad at him. He didn't want to upset me so he didn't tell me she was back. He was trying and I just gave up. I couldn't wait for him to tell me he loved her, it would have been like waiting for mom to come home again. I just couldn't do that becasue she's not coming back and I knew she wasn't the whole time I waited for Dad to come back. I just didn't want to sit there and hope he changed his mind. That it was one big mistake." She finally cried her eyes out against her brothers shoulder over her mom.
----------------
"I don't want any visitors" Eddie answered the phone next to his bed
"Don't hang up"
"I had a feeling you'd call"
"She told you I take it" Eddie added
"Yeah, but mostly she just cried"
"She's never cried in front of me except the night...never mind"
"I'm not going to lie to you and tell you she's okay because she's not and she's not going to be"
"Yeah well neither am I but for what it's worth I'm sorry"
"She knows that and she's mad as hell but she doesn't blame you."
"Hey one more thing"
"What's that?"
"You going to be alright man, she deserves to know that much"
"Yeah bruises heal"
--------------------------------------------
"You called him" Janet was furious walking in on the end of the conversation
"Jay?"
"I've got to go"
"No stop. He's going to be okay"
"Tell me you didn't tell him I cried" John just looked at her "Tell me John, tell me you didn't tell him he made me cry"
"Janet"
"How could you, you're my brother. I trusted you. You're all I had left."
"Janet, what's so wrong about him knowing how you feel"
"It'll hurt him and I've hurt him enough"
"Everyone cries Janet and he hurt you to"
"I don't especially in front of Eddie and he didn't mean to" Though she had tears streaming down her face.
"Where are you going?" That was the last thing Eddie heard through the phone before John hung it up not knowing Eddie was still there.
"I don't know just do me a favor and keep your mouth shut. The last thing I need is to be humiliated more. I learned my lesson okay. I've got it."
"I'm not letting you leave until you tell me where the hell your going"
"To keep the promise I made to dad" Janet slammed her door driving off as her dad pulled up
--------------------
"Where's she going" Richard asked
"What promise?"
"What?"
"What did Janet promise you?"
"That she'd dump Latekka before he broke her heart." John nodded
"Do me a favor?" John asked his father
"What?"
"Leave her the hell alone" John just stomped off to his own vehicle
-------------------
"Hey Richard, Sully's not here" Lanna answered when he called
"Actually I wanted to talk to you"
"He's fine. The doctors said a week and he could go home"
"What are you talking about?"
"Eddie, why what did you want?"
"What's wrong with Latekka" She explained it
"Have you seen Janet. No Eddie said she came by yesterday and was pretty upset by it"
"If you see her let me know and I hope he's okay?"
-----------------------------
Eddie signed for a package at his front door. No return address and the label had been typed. He opened it to find his rubber duck. No note but he knew it was from Janet.
A few days latter Janet received the same box back, upon opening it she found Eddie's duck now sporting what appeared to be a Mohawk.
Eddie received Janet's duck with blond hair, he returned it with lipstick lips just to piss her off.
--------------
"What's up with all the secrete packages?"
"None of your business" Eddie replied then opened the box to find his duck minus the Mohawk but now with a tiny knights ridge helmet and her duck had a crown adorning her blond hair. Eddie cleaned them up and returned them like they originally were only in separate boxes.
---------------------
It had been a little over a month since Janet and Eddie had laid eyes on one another. After the day she confessed and he kicked her out of his room all ties were severed . They didn't even return each others belongings with the exception of the one. Eddie hadn't stepped foot in Sully's and Janet hadn't stepped foot on the street Best Friend Windows was located on. They refused to utter a word about the relationship, each other or the break up to any one. Not a peep no matter how hard anyone tried to pry it out. It didn't take long for the gang to get the clue when they would leave the room every time someone mentioned the others name or brought the subject up.
--------------
Eddie was healing from his beating well. The shop had manged to gain a few big accounts and Eddie chose to work all the ones on the far side of town. He's been hiding there for weeks avoiding the inevitable. Two hundred windows seemed to keep him and Ronnie fairly busy. The big medical complex was nearly just as bad. It housed doctors for every department imaginable. Owned by the bigger hospital on the far side of town and run pretty much the same.
He felt like the diet coke man as everyone stared through the windows while he worked, he was sick of forcing smiles to be nice when he couldn't rightfully find a reason in his life to smile.
"Hey, isn't that Janet" Ronnie pointed out through the window of the bottom floor
"Stop pointing like an idiot."
"Aren't you going to talk to her"
"No she'd probably just give me whatever cold she's got"
"I'm not real sure she's here for a cold. That's the unmentionables department" Ronnie pointed out
"Shut up and work, I've got to get some more caulk out of the truck."
He couldn't resist a closer look and rounded the corner just in time to hear her talking to the lady behind the counter to sign in. Ronnie just laughed when he saw Eddie duck behind a column.
"Janet Meadows, 10:00 with Dr. Johansen" Janet spoke and it sounded so good to hear her voice. He had listened to her messages from that day many times but it couldn't compare to seeing her soft warm skin, the stars in her eyes, the curls that laid upon his chest in the dark of night or just hearing her speak. It sent chills through him and he had the urge to cry right then and there. God he missed her. He closed his eyes to gain control of him self. He could feel her skin against him even though it had been weeks.
"Okay, Ms. Meadows I need you to fill out this paperwork. " the receptionist replied and Janet took a seat. He stood in complete and utter shock longer than he thought because the next thing he knew they were calling her back. He couldn't recall a single thought that had run through his head. He was blank and felt weak.
He began to doubt himself and had to take a second look at the department sign.
"Can I help you sir" the receptionist asked
"I believe you can, my girlfriend had an appointment this morning with Dr. Johansen, I know I'm running late but I wanted to surprise her she didn't think I was going to be able to make it, could you let me back"
"What's her name"
"Janet Meadows"
"She just walked back a few minutes ago, the doctor is running behind so it'll be a while before she makes it in to see you if you're in a hurry… exam room 12, just hang a left around the corner" She smiled at Eddie and he scurried back there only to stop and nearly walk away. He took a deep breath and opened the door. The curtain was pulled. Janet had already changed into one of the paper gowns she hated so much and was sitting behind the curtain on the exam table trying to hold it together. Failing miserably on the inside and making do on the outside.
Eddie had to take one more deep breath before he stepped behind the curtain. Janet was expecting the Doctor and when she looked up and saw Eddie she lost it. He panicked not knowing what to do he just offered her a few tissues.
She managed to get a hold of herself after a few minutes and calmed down. Sniffing back the last tears.
"Janet" Eddie called her name and she wanted to die all over again. She did. When she got it under control the second time he didn't have a chance to speak before she stopped him cold in his tracks.
"Not now, Eddie…don't humiliate me not here, not today…we can talk after I'm done" He just agreed with a nod to her tiny timid begging.
They sat in silence Eddie with his head down trying to believe she wasn't there for the reason he thought but he knew she'd had her yearly check up in February, she assured him she wasn't pregnant in Providence, he had to know if something was wrong and Janet sat staring into the corner until they heard the door creak and they both popped up like they didn't have a care in the world.
"Congratulations, you are pregnant" The doctor announced and Janet introduced Eddie by Eddie alone, no last name and no title not even recognition of being the father. Janet didn't look nearly as happy about that news as she should have and Eddie understood to a point but the amount of it that she was faking concerned him. It never crossed his mind that she might be pregnant just that she might be sick but even so his fake smile wasn't nearly as cracked as hers.
"Your hormone levels are a bit high when compared to your last menstrual cycle, but that could mean anything from nothing to you're further along than you think or every now and again it's a good indicator of twins"
She asked Janet a million questions about her body and cycles that she really didn't care to answer in front of Eddie when they were together let alone now. That was nothing compared to the vaginal exam that Eddie had the best seat in the house for and he watched whether he realized it or not. She was surprised by how tender she seemed to be now. She let out a small whimper or two during the exam. Eddie felt this overwhelming urge to intervene but he knew she was a doctor and it wasn't her first exam clearly.
He felt so ashamed of him self as he watched. He never really knew what they did but he was getting a crash course as the lady slid her fingers in and mashed on top of Janet's stomach. When she was done she also preformed a breast exam that he really felt ashamed of watching. Looking at her Breasts again brought back a flood of memories until they were interrupted by Janet and the doctor discussing how sore they were. Eddie didn't like seeing Janet close her eyes while the doctor examined her. He couldn't detach the sexual part from the medical necessity. To him it was Janet being touched in a way that caused her pain. Eddie would have died if he had ever hurt her touching the very same places.
"Can't that wait until she's not so uncomfortable?" He said it before it ever made it into thought process
"I suppose" she replied smiling at Eddie.
"If you'll help her up, she can dress, I'll be back to talk to you both"
Eddie immediately stood up and Janet took her legs out of the stirrups as fast as she could. He offered her a hand to pull up with but she declined by shaking her head no and doing it herself.
"You don't look so good" Eddie noted the way she immediately went pale and had that look on her face. She sat up to fast still fighting back the sickness from that morning and a well learned lesson about never drinking coffee again. The first sip she took had repulsed her.
"I'm going to be sick" she leaned over and Eddie barely go the trashcan to her. He gave her his bottle of water he had gotten from the vending machine while debating how long it take before Ronnie realized he didn't go after caulk. She got a sip or two down and threw up again. That seemed to do the trick. She started to get her color back and managed to get dressed before she did it again. He just stood beside her holding her hair back and wanting to cry like a little boy.
The doctor came back in and talked to Janet about how often she was doing it and how long.
"Right now we're going to set a due date by your menstrual cycle which puts you right around five weeks, don't worry a lot of women can't peg the exact day of their last cycle so I've scheduled you an appointment for an ultrasound in a few weeks. We'll have a better idea when we get a look at the baby.
They went through her diet, vitamins, symptoms, and what to expect but Janet had a pretty good idea since she was trying not to get sick again. Most of the conversation Dr. Johansen explained it to Eddie since Janet was so sick.
They walked out of the doctors office and to the benches out front.
"I don't know where to start, Janet"
"According to the doctor it started 5 weeks ago"
"You should have told me."
"Can we not do the I told you so's"
"I couldn't of told you this that's for sure"
"Okay, I'm really not in the mood to argue with you and I'm not sure why you'd want to. I've got it Eddie for nine months okay. I'm not about to forget what happened now" They were going to talk for a while but Eddie knew she was in no shape to have a reasonable conversation. Nor was she able to drive.
"Come on, I'll take you home" Eddie said to her and she didn't argue. She just wanted to lay down and rest.
"Have you eaten today" he asked on the drive neither having said a word about the pregnancy once they got in.
"Like it would matter, it's just going to come back up" Eddie knew in that second she was in a foul mood that went far beyond their breakup. He wasn't stupid she was five weeks, they had been broken up a little over four. Give or take a few days it wasn't a given that it was his child. It could have just as easily been Russo's.
He didn't think she wanted to talk so he kept his mouth shut and drove. She fell asleep about five miles down the road with tears trickling down her face. He called Sully's and asked Karen to fix them something to eat and to please bring it out to the truck when he got there. She didn't ask any questions. She figured they didn't want any one bothering them seeing how the abrupt end to their relationship was still a mystery. When Eddie Latekka and Janet Meadows started dating it fueled one hell of a rumor mill but not nearly as big as the one that started when people realized they were never seen together anymore and Eddie deserted the bar.
"Where are you going" Sully asked as Karen headed to the door with the order.
"Eddie asked if I would bring it outside" She said quietly as to avoid Rooster overhearing.
"He's to good to come in my bar now" Sully barked
"Janet's with him" she again added quietly.
"Go clean the stock room and don't come out until it's spotless" he hastily ordered Rooster. He didn't want him to plaster his face against the window.
------------------------------------------------------
When Eddie saw Sully come out the door he went ahead and got out of the truck. They stopped and leaned against the bed on the passenger side.
Sully sat the bag down in the back of Eddie's truck bed "She said she had a doctors appointment"
"She did" Eddie replied numbed
"You're with her so I'm going to go out on a limb and guess she's knocked up"
"Five weeks" Eddie answered
"I know she messed up but you're the man she's in love with."
"He has a right to know it could be his child" Eddie felt the guilt over not telling Nick.
"She hates herself for what she did to you, she want even acknowledge Russo's breathing. If it turns out to be his kid, it'll kill her"
"That makes two of us but I don't have the right to…" Eddie couldn't believe what he was about to say
"To raise another man's child. Let me tell you something, Janet was yours and that gives you and her the right to do what you want. As far as I can see he gave up any rights he had when he took advantage of the situation. He's been sniffing behind her for years. First chance he got he took it. He knew that she didn't love him, or care for him as more than a friend. She trusted him and what did he do, he waited until she was down and eased his way into her bed. Never giving a seconds thought to what it would cost her. I don't know if you ever have but I can tell you sleeping with a woman who wished your were another man isn't something easily lived with" Sully was harsh and cold about it.
"I gave up my rights when I kissed Rory" Eddie was still unemotional
"That's not how I see it. I was worried in the beginning that she was going to get her feelings hurt. But I know you and you've been in love with that girl for a long time. I've watched you seduce a lot of women into your bed but you've never taken advantage of trust to get them there."
"I'm not the great legend everyone makes out. I'm just a man that has nailed, screwed, mounted and banged more women than I can count. There's no pride in being licentious. This is where it got me, I single handily destroyed every thing that she was, what made Janet so special. Look at her Sully it's gone. I told you this would happen"
"I want to hate her so much it hurts. I want for every time I look at her to feel infuriated, to curse her name, to have one night where I don't dream about her…to actually have the ability to lay another woman down for pure revenge. I want her to cry, to hurt, to wish she had kissed the ground I walked on. Just to know that she longs for me so badly that she.."
"Turns to another man" Sully was brutally honest "I think you've already accomplished that, son"
"What I accomplished was hating myself. We weren't married, only dated a few months but what I had with Janet meant everything to me. When she told me what she did I couldn't accept the woman standing in front of me was my Janet. So I told the woman that was standing there trying to explain something that she could have never confessed, I told her to…... I used her biggest insecurity against her. It felt good to tear her down until the door closed behind her and I realized all I wanted to do was desecrate our relationship. I didn't want to except that I failed and it was over. This is why I waited so long Sully and I should have kept waiting. If I had thought about what she needed instead of giving into what I needed she would be standing behind that bar laughing and giving me hell and I would be still sitting on that stool watching how beautiful she was when she smiled"
"That's not an all that unexpected reaction to first finding out something like that. How do you feel now" Sully had seen it before with one of his ex-wives.
"Like a fool, ashamed, pathetic, guilty, cruel, perverted. I..I..I I have these thoughts and I can't stop them. I would never do it but they want go away" Eddie confessed still detached and isolated with in himself.
"What are they"
"Not only do I want to desecrate our relationship, I want to desecrate her. Not once did we ever do anything that would be considered ………. We had fun yeah but it was different from the beginning. Natural and it was easy going, slow usually and we took our time enjoying each other. The only time I've ever had sex with respect. Even when we were just fucking it wasn't just fucking"
"It's called making love to a woman. " Sully truly did love his first wife. She left him for another man and he spent the next two marriages getting even with her for it. So he thought. Though he found love again, he'd never been able to love her openly.
"I didn't have a clue what a real woman was before her. She was a friend and a lover. Which is why I hate myself for wanting to take her, stake my claim. Violate everything that makes her so much better than the rest. Destroy the memories of all those nights and replace it with her being just another second rate….. I don't want to close my eye's and see her curls laid against my pillow. I want to see her doing things to and with me that are just plain indecent, but no matter how hard I try I just can't" Eddie finally started to show a glimpse of emotion but soon checked it again.
"When she asked me for a job, I almost said no because I know what the men wanted. I'm not talking about shape either. They want the women who are going to make them feel like a man. I thought for sure she wasn't that. But I couldn't say no to her and I haven't seen a man yet that could. She's feisty, strong-willed, animated and fun. You can't help but enjoy being around her. Best barmaid I've ever had. " Sully paused "But you're right it's gone and Richard's worst fear has come true, he doesn't know it yet though. It just doesn't have to be gone forever"
"Why do you hate yourself, if you would never act on those feelings" Sully asked killing the silence
"Because I already have, maybe not with sex but I did use her trust in me against her. I messed up so many times and she always forgave me. The day I stood her up, she tore into me like you wouldn't believe and she asked me to be a good guy. I didn't listen and she gave in. At the time I didn't realize what I was doing. I was just hyped up knowing I still had a chance to make her love me. But in that moment when I kissed her, I destroyed everything she stood for. From that moment on she's been loosing more and more of herself. I drank and flirted with her for years and she never once acted shy, or embarrassed. She knew who she was that's why I fell in love with her to start with" Eddie sighed hard
"She knew she wouldn't be comfortable at the Rowans BBQ but I didn't listen and now she doesn't trust"
"I kept her a secret in the beginning and now she feels like someones burden"
"She was content with herself but I waited to long and now she doubts that she can turn a man on"
"She gave me a key to her house and she's vulnerable now"
"Same thing with going to see her grands she thinks I went because we have sex and it was my obligation"
"I didn't hold her while we slept, I always let her go when she fell asleep. Guess what that makes a women feel like."
"The morning Rory came back Janet came to work with the biggest smile, just grinning ear to ear. She was happy Eddie"
"I know, she slapped me on the butt when I went to leave for work. We had spent the day at the lake and we made love . She was so vibrant and it was the Janet I use to hang out with sitting in this damn bar. I hadn't seen that in a while but as soon as we got back to her place and started to get into it again she tensed up. I tried everything I knew to make her comfortable but it didn't work. I know women don't get there every time, I'm not a stupid man but she wasn't enjoying it. She could of just told me to get the hell off of her and I would have. I didn't know what to do. She wouldn't let me stop until I…… … … she acted like nothing was wrong. It was the first time I wanted to get up and go home but I didn't, I stayed. The next morning she was all smiles and I went along with it. I tried to get out of there as fast as I could but she wanted to eat breakfast with me. I pretty much ignored her and read the paper but she kept trying to get my attention. I started to leave without kissing her goodbye but she stopped me "
"Are you saying you were falling out of love as fast as you fell in" Sully asked point blank
"I'm saying I realized what I had done to her and I was scared I would have to let her go for her to be herself if I didn't figure out how to fix it. I was running because I was scared" Eddie replied
"So are you letting her go or trying to figure out how to fix it?" Sully asked
"It doesn't matter, I blew her off for Rory. There was no way I was going to cheat on Janet but the ego boost was to tempting. She however actually had sex with another man and now I'm going to be waiting the next eight months to find out if that man impregnated the woman I love with his ill gotten seed or if I conceived a child with the woman I love but will never have because I turned her into a…."
"Latekka, don't call her that. She's not who you were. This is my fault to begin with. When Russo told me Rory was back I had a little fun picking on Janet. I thought you two were good and that nothing would break you up. Hell, I didn't know you were going to go and kiss the girl you dumped a decade ago for Janet but I should have kept my mouth shut none the same" Sully said as Janet raised her head up and looked around for Eddie.
"What are you going to do" he added
"First I'm going to spend the next eight months taking care of her, then I'm either going to lose it all because the child I got attached to belongs to that son of a bitch or I'll spend the next eighteen years watching my child grow up from afar and wishing I had more than every other week end to tuck them in at night" Eddie answered
"Are you bedding Rory, Latekka" Sully asked but Eddie didn't answer he just opened Janet's door.
"Hey, I just stopped to get something for us to eat" Eddie handed her the bag
"Take tomorrow off" Sully told her
"You told him" Janet snarled
"I figured it out, I've seen a pregnant woman before Meadows" Sully told her "Don't worry I want say a word to him" She asked Eddie to please take her home before she got sick in his truck. Eddie closed her door back and shook Sully's hand.
"Don't do what I did son. She is the same woman that you fell in love with you just have to understand she's not perfect. When you do it'll fix it's self. Congratulations" Sully walked back inside.
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"Where have you been" Rooster asked jokingly
"None of your business, my stock room best be where I can eat off the floor" he was harsh
"I need someone to work Janet's shift tomorrow"
"Why what's wrong with Janet working Janet's shift tomorrow, she already took today off" Rooster asked
"Thanks for volunteering there Russo" Sully just walked off
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