Disclaimer: While the plot is mine, everything else has been borrowed until further notice.

Chapter 37

There comes a time, when talking about one's sorrows doesn't help.

Your heart has been bled dry, your tears shed, and your voice broken.

You go about your day, your walls up, mouth closed, and heart hidden, trying desperately to pretend that you're normal, whole, unblemished.

That you aren't broken.

That you aren't fighting tears on a daily basis, that you aren't continuously holding back your sobs, to the point that you've had to learn how to breathe –how to function –when your chest is constricting so hard it hurts.

You hide the fact that some nights, when you can't run any more from the horrors in your head, you feel yourself break all over again.

You break, and you're unsure if you'll ever be whole again.

As July passed, Lily's freckles settled down and her tan evened out, returning her her once-again porcelain skin, only with a slightly golden hue. While James and Marlene had managed to convince Dorcas to leave her current boyfriend alone for a few days to come over and practice their Quidditch plays until they literally fell out of the sky, Sirius and Lily ran through attack after attack. Soon enough, James appeared to be on a cloud, what with how dreamily he went through his days. Determined to win the Quidditch Cup for his last year, his confidence in his team had skyrocketed within a very short period of time.

It was on one bright, sunny morning on the second week in August that found the teens nursing their caffeine and trying to blearily blink away the late night exhaustion, evident in James' hair looking no better than a bird' nest, and Lily's sloppily pulled back into a messy knot at the top of her head; Sirius' looked exactly the same against all odds, defying all logic and serving to piss a grouchy Lily off even more. While barely coherent, James looked over at Lily and let out an indignant squawk.

'Oi! That's my jumper!'

'Your powers of observation astound me, Potter.' Lily grumbled, swallowing another mouthful of coffee, still moving groggily.

'Sod off, Lily.' James grouched, hiding a small smile in his mug.

'You know, Prongs, some people find that wearing glasses help with their vision.' Sirius said, stuffing a bite of eggs into his mouth, smirking as James glared.

'You can join Evans in that sodding off, Padfoot.' James flipped him the bird just as three owls came through the open window, each with a letter possessing the Hogwarts seal attached.

'Talk about birds,' Sirius muttered, just as Mrs. Potter came into the kitchen.

'I was wondering when they'd be coming,' Mrs. Potter said, 'If you want to owl your friends to come, I expect we'll be going to Diagon Alley next Saturday. Alright, I'm off to work. Dad and I should be home for supper, kids.' As she kissed each one on the top of their heads, Lily fought down her blush, but allowed the small smile to grace her face.

That smile had disappeared, leaving her mouth gaping open, as soon as she opened her letter, a golden badge falling into her lap. A golden badge with the letters HG and the form of a lion covering its front.

'Looks like we'll have to spend the year hiding from Head Girl Lils now, Prongs.' Sirius said, a sullen expression gracing his face, his eyes twinkling revealing their mirth. 'Of course it's her though, who else could it have been? Dumbledore doesn't know half of all the things she's done, so he'd never even think of anyone but Little Miss Prefect Evans becoming Head Girl.' He had already gathered Lily up in a congratulatory hug before realizing that James had yet to make a comment. 'Prongs?'

When James could still only gape into his lap, Sirius wandered over to his friend. When he picked up the matching badge to Lily's Head Girl, he broke out in laughter, his entire form shaking.

'Is that what I think it is?' Lily asked faintly, wide eyed as she stared at a dumbfounded James.

'Is Dumbledore insane? I'm so sorry, Lily, so sorry, I-I'll ask him to give it to someone else, don't worry. What was he thinking?' James said, shaking his head rapidly, throwing the badge down onto the table and backing away from it, as well as the letter that still held his Quidditch Captain Badge.

'What! Why?' She demanded, stunned. She walked over to him and forced him to meet her confused eyes, noting the panic within his own.

'Why? What do you mean, why? I'm James Potter; I've never been responsible a day in my life, I hex everyone that annoys me just because I can, I've had more detentions in a month than you've had all year.' James said, pacing around the table. 'I've got to owl Dumbledore, I'll be back.' Grabbing his Head Boy badge, James hurried out of the kitchen and up to his room, oblivious to Lily chasing after him.

'JAMES CHARLUS POTTER! What in the bloody hell do you mean by asking Dumbledore to give the badge to someone else?' As Lily came shrieking into his room, she marched right up into his face, poking him in the chest with each word and continuously stepping closer to the retreating brunette. 'You will do no such thing, Potter!' She shouted.

'Ah, c'mon Evans, you don't really want me to be Head boy; I'd be pants at it and you know it.' James muttered, frowning as he ruffled through the parchments scattered across his desk in his search for a blank piece and a quill.

'Do you really believe that, James?' Lily asked, walking up to him and resting a hand on his arm, peering closely at his face, anger fading into concern. 'Do you really believe I think so little of you?' She whispered, the hurt reflecting in her eyes. He turned away from her, breaking eye contact and hunching his shoulders.

'I don't know, Evans. I guess. I can't say I blame you; I'm not Remus. Oi!' He shouted, spinning around after feeling Lily smack him on the shoulder –hard –before throwing her arms over his shoulders and pulling him down towards her into a tight hug. She felt his arms wrap around her after a moment, his large hands covering most of her upper back, and burrowed her face into the crook of his neck, letting him nuzzle her hair and forehead; she didn't know if she'd imagined it or not, but she could've sworn she felt his lips trail over her forehead, and she nestled closer to him, tightening her grip, on the off chance that it hadn't been her imagination.

'You listen to me, James Potter, and you listen good,' she whispered fiercely into his ear, 'You are an amazing person; you are so smart, and generous, and kind, and brave, and funny, and good, and I will beat you until you are black and blue if you ever say otherwise. You took Sirius and I in when we had nowhere else to go, you had the idea to become animagi for Remus, and anyone who's ever seen you at Quidditch practice knows that you're an amazing leader, and I am so, so proud of you.'

She felt him move to interrupt her, and she squeezed him tighter before continuing speaking, without giving him a chance to utter a word in protest.

'The younger years look up to you, and you've stopped hexing people. You know Remus would've never been able to do it, he's absent every month for a reason; it'd put him too much in the limelight for it; and frankly, as long as it wasn't Snape, I would've been okay with whoever Dumbledore chose. But the fact that it's you, makes me so happy, and excited for this year, it's unreal. I am so proud of you, James Potter, please tell me that you believe me so I don't need to smack you.' She felt his reluctant nod into her hair as he pulled her tighter against him, her entire body now pressed along his, and she closed her eyes, determined to enjoy the moment while it lasted.

When Mr. and Mrs. Potter returned home that night, they had taken one look at the partially concealed badge – Lily and Sirius wouldn't have any of James' shit and refused to let him get away with hiding it until September 2nd – and had been unable to stop their tears, refusing to attempt to restrain themselves from hugging an embarrassed James. The furiously blushing teen had just begun to reciprocate the hug when he felt his father's should begin to shake. When Mr. Potter pulled away from the hug, his face was red from attempting to muffle his laughter, before giving in and laughing loudly –and for slightly too long, according to a self-conscious James – and calling the other two teens downstairs. When Sirius frog-marched a blushing Lily down the stairs and brought her in front of the Potters, both elderly Potters could not restrain their laughter as he pointed to her and said, 'Head Girl.', before heading into the kitchen, and as far away from the gushing and hugging as he could.

Sending pointed looks to one another, the Head Boy and Girl of 1917 led the new Heads to the kitchen, hopeful that the longstanding tradition of the Head Students marrying one another would continue on.

The morning of September first brought in a torrent of insanity, where alarms failed to sound, trunks needed to be hastily re-packed, and transportation to Kings Cross arranged. After deciding on Apparating, since everyone already possessed their licence, a very dishevelled group of five arrived onto Platform 9 ¾ to await the train's departure.

When the final bell rang, Mrs. Potter insisted on one final round of hugs before her three teens boarded.

While Mr. Potter gave Lily a salute before a hug, much to everyone's amusement, Mrs. Potter drew James in close for a tight hug and whispered, 'She'll make a fine addition to the family, James. I'm proud of you,' before she turned her attentions onto Sirius, insisting upon straightening his collar and wiping his face, much to his own protests.

'Come on, Mum! The train's leaving!' He insisted loudly, before hugging her tightly and whispering, for her ears only, 'Thank you for everything, Mum, I'll miss you. See you soon.'

With a teary sniffle, Mrs. Potter waved them all onto the train, Mr. Potter's one arm around her waist, and the other raised in farewell. When the train pulled away, they left the train station with a crack, and made their way to their empty house, where the silence was both deafening and empty.

The train ride to Hogwarts passed similarly to the one from the previous year, once James, Lily, and Remus returned from the Prefect meeting; while the meeting contained the usual information given by the Heads, there was a lot of antagonism from the Slytherin Prefects towards both James and especially Lily. While Bellatrix may have graduated, it seemed as if she imposed most of her beliefs and feuds upon the rest of her Housemates before she departed; aside from Snape, who ignored Lily and brought hostile to a whole new meaning, reserving it solely for James.

After having returned, however, things soon settled down as the Marauders finalized the details for their prank and everyone caught each other up about their summers. Soon enough, Lily fell asleep, once more in the lap of James, this time muttering about poisonous snakes and valiant pottery.

While all the students got off the train, many were in a haste to arrange their cloaks so as to shield them as much as possible from the frigid rain pouring from the skies, desperate to hurry into the carriages.

In fact, their haste was so great that they didn't notice when the rain seemed to stop.

It wasn't until they'd all gathered in the Great Hall, just as the Sorting was finished and the food had yet to arrive, that they realized, with resounding horror, that all the rain that hadn't fallen on them, was all pooled above them.

And then suddenly, it fell.

It took a few minutes for everyone to settle down – and dry off – after the prank, but once the swooping drying charms over the population of the Great Hall – the Marauders found it amusing to note that McGonagall resembled a drowned cat even in human form when wet – were cast by Dumbledore, and the Marauder's Seventh Year officially began, the teens welcomed it with open arms as they initiated the traditional food fight.

Feeling rather emotional about the whole ordeal, Sirius felt that he needed to make a bigger spectacle out of it than normal. Standing up proudly on the Gryffindor bench, he declared to the entire Great Hall, 'My dear Hogwartians, I find myself quite honoured at the thought of starting the traditional food fight this evening; I am so delighted that, should James feel the need to take points from me now, as Head Boy, it will still be worth it.'

Sniffling loudly, the remaining three Marauders each stood on the benches and, as one, all four took a moment to fake sob, the laughter of the rest of the students echoing in their ears. Noticing that the Head of Gryffindor was beginning to rise however, Sirius knew that they had to be quick about it. Grinning around at the students with a bowl of mashed potatoes in his hands, he called, 'And now, let us initiate the new year by welcoming our beloved Head Girl.'

While Lily attempted to flee, Sirius managed to dump the bowl on her head, falling down off of the bench in the process.

While she retaliated, it was slightly more than Sirius hoped for; as she tackled him to the floor, she dumped an entire platter of cranberry sauce on his head and poured gravy down his pants.

While the food fight was a success, twenty points were deducted from Gryffindor, mainly due to the fact that McGonagall got hit with a platter of corn, and although many claimed to have seen the Headmaster be the one to launch it at her, neither Professor acknowledged the rumours.

Once the Prefects led the students to their respective dorms', the Head students remained behind in the Great Hall with Dumbledore. With only the twinkling of his eyes and a tilt of his head as indication to follow, he led them from the Great Hall and up onto the Seventh Floor, diverging at the staircases into the corridor opposite the one that would lead them to Gryffindor Tower.

When he stood before a portrait of a flirtatious woman well into her drink, he turned towards James and Lily slightly sheepishly.

'In Marie-Eve's defense, I had not forewarned her that the two Head Students were both Gryffindors, thus would be occupying these specific set of rooms.' With a wave of his hand, Marie-Eve let forth a loud giggle, seeming to be entirely unapologetic, as the portrait opened, and allowed them entrance into what seemed to be the Gryffindor Common Room, if only more small and luxurious.

The entire room was carpeted in a thick, dark burgundy rug, with a huge stone fireplace that was already lit set in the middle of the wall to the right of the entrance, a brown loveseat directly facing it, and framed by two matching chairs on either side. Two cherry wood desks, matching the coffee table in front of the fire, were on the opposite wall, bordered on either side by as many bookshelves as windows, allowing for plenty of natural light into the room in daylight hours.

Directly opposed to the entrance was a large, sweeping staircase, that led to a balcony-style open floor on the upper level, where another set of couches were set up, along with two doors facing one another. Everything was done in Gryffindor colours, though not quite as vibrant as what the Common Room featured, leaving many shadows and an intimate feeling about the air.

As professor Dumbledore continued, Lily tried to close her gaping mouth. 'The normal Head Quarters are not quite so… House-specific in colours, though each House has its own set of rooms, should a time come when both Heads are from one House. These rooms have not been used in almost twenty years, in fact, since that was the last year that both Heads were Gryffindors. You may set a password with Marie-Eve to whatever you feel like it, though both of you need to be present to do so. Lily, your room is on the right-hand side, James, yours is on the left. You'll find a shared bathroom between the two as well, that includes double sinks, as well as a separate bath and shower. There is a powder room just on the other side of that far bookcase, and you'll often find that should you be so inclined to state a beverage when standing in front of the fire, it might just appear, provided the House Elves aren't too busy. I know myself, that a warm butterbeer helps tremendously when having to work through the night due to an immense amount of paperwork.' As Dumbledore's eyes began twinkling in earnest, James guffawed in surprise and delight. 'I think I'll leave you two to get settled in, but I was hoping that you'd be able to meet with me tomorrow night after supper, to go over all of your duties before term starts in earnest. Excellent. Have a good evening, Mr. Potter, Miss Evans.' As he bid them goodnight, Lily almost could've sworn that his twinkling eyes starting shining, what with how much the sparkle seamed to increase.

By the end of the first month of school, many of the summer flings between students had already come to an end; the overdramatic proclamations of screeching Howlers apologizing seemed to be forever ringing throughout the Great Hall. While some reacted poorly, it was a long-standing Hogwarts tradition for the students to break up overdramatically the first month back by Howler; the laughter and jokes between the previous couples were shared across the Hall, as accusations of infidelity with the start of term's treacle tart were declared.

The laughter could still be seen in the Seventh Years as they gathered in their respective Head of House's classroom, waiting for each to be called for their Careers Advice check in, to make sure they were on the right track and see what grades they'd need to achieve on their NEWTS to succeed.

While Sirius remembered that he had told Professor McGonagall in fifth year that he'd like to become an Auror (mainly due to the fact that he could freely curse his relatives without being sent to Azkaban for it), he knew things had changed.

His Great Uncle Alphard had passed on apparently just shortly before the summer began, and no one saw fit to inform him; it had taken an owl from Gringotts the first morning back at Hogwarts to notify him that the family's protests had finally been silenced, and stating that his apparent inheritance from his favourite Uncle would be set aside in a vault for Sirius' use only, along with the key sequestered away in the letter. The vast amount of gold meant that he wouldn't have to worry about supporting himself for many years, more than enough to get himself settled after Hogwarts with a job, though it wasn't until after having spent the entire week in a state of constant anguish and rage that he was able to process that.

However, he knew that a job wouldn't exactly be easy to acquire, aside from joining the Aurors; no one was looking to hire, and finding trust between even two friends became scarce. And though the Aurors would be hiring, they were far too bureaucratic when it came to fighting in a war, leaving it to the hierarchal positions to determine whether it was wise to send out a team to fight or not; their response time was limited, and the training spent far too much time instructing in the laws rather than duelling techniques for it not to feel like a waste of time.

Sirius also knew that he wasn't the only one who felt that way; he understood that while she'd been dreaming of becoming a Healer since first year, Lily was going to be asking McGonagall if it were possible to cover more practical offensive and defensive techniques in Transfiguration, that Marlene was hoping that Defence Against The Dark Arts would include more hexes, as well as combative healing spells, and that Remus was hoping to cover more battle tactics in History of Magic. While he never knew that McGonagall agreed wholeheartedly, he began to wonder when Hogwarts had begun to train children to become soldiers, rather than just competent wizards.

He mourned the loss of his childhood, even as he tried to make sure that he'd survive into adulthood.