Chapter thirty-seven
Standing at the large glass patio doors of Neal's apartment Peter watched the sky flash with light as a powerful summer storm rolled across the city. The rain hadn't started in earnest yet so Peter still had a great view of the jagged purple and white streaks that raced across the darkened sky as they struck at the tops of the buildings that dared to try and scrape the sky. Despite the lightning storm that had accompanied his first painful taste of being collared nothing was further from his mind right now. The storm had added to his anxiety that day, but this afternoon with each flash his mood only improved. Peter smiled as a fork of lightning was joined almost instantly with a powerful rumble of thunder.
Although the marks across his shoulders were still a ways off from turning to scars Peter was feeling stronger than he had in more time than he cared to think about. After his dangerous venture out onto the steps last night Peter had needed to lean heavily on Neal to get back up them again, but the journey hadn't killed him and he'd managed to sleep well despite the anxiety that had originally driven him from the safety of his apartment. He had read about two dozen of Elizabeth's emails to him before an onslaught of emotions mixed with a powerful panic attack had forced him out onto the steps. It was greater than he could have ever imagined to hear from her again, but at the same time it made the loss of the last two years that much more painful. In the morning he'd gone straight back to his computer to make sure that he hadn't just dreamed the entire events of the previous evening.
The laptop had proven to him that it hadn't just been a wishful delusion and he spent an hour reading through more of the heartfelt messages. In each of the digital letters to him Elizabeth always let it be known that she missed him terribly, but at the same time she didn't dwell on the negative. She didn't complain about life being unfair, she didn't mention anything that she had lost other than him, nor did she waste time blaming him or herself for what happened. Instead she wrote him about the bright points of her day, even if it was as simple as seeing the same kind of wild flower that he had once brought home to her growing from a crack in the concrete. If she didn't have anything specific to report from her day she recounted one of their days together allowing Peter to see the event from her perspective.
Most of Elizabeth's notes were time stamped in the evening. However this morning when he woke up there was a new one from just past seven am. Seeing the brand new message made his heart race just as fast as when he'd first seen the eight hundred that had collected over the years. It pained him not to reply, but he knew that what he was doing with Neal was extraordinarily risky. He didn't want to force himself back into her life only to be torn away from her again. Peter needed to make sure that he at least had a decent chance of being able to create a stable life for them both before he even thought about and the only thing that could really offer that was the large sum of money that Neal was confident they would make with his scheme.
Still unsure if Neal would make good on his promises to share even if the con worked Peter didn't feel like he was in any position to contact Elizabeth. He felt it would be far crueler to make her re-experience her grief once more if something should go wrong with Neal. So far he hadn't read anything where she outright stated that she thought he was dead, but her wording often gave him the impression that she had made peace with the idea that he was. Peter discovered that he found a great deal of comfort in the idea that she believed that Renner had murdered him. He preferred the thought that she imagined him having been freed from pain by death instead of her spending the past two years worrying about him struggling under the hand of cruel Master the way he had.
Peter had hesitated to open today's new note since it had been titled 'Stormy Weather' and had read through a handful of the others first. He had feared that she was having a more difficult time than usual today. However the note had been about the actual weather front that was going to be moving in during the afternoon. Once she had seen how fascinated he was with the weather they had always put work aside at the office during any good storm to enjoy the show together. A majority of Elizabeth's letter this morning had been about a time back before she had taken ownership of him when she had stayed late at work with him specifically because of the weather.
With everyone else having gone home for the day they didn't have to worry about anyone catching them together. They had watched the storm for an hour or so before becoming distracted by one another. It hadn't been their first romantic encounter since he had been going home with her on the weekends, but it had been one of the most memorable. Unable to just leave him behind afterwards they had both ended up sleeping in her office for the night. With an approaching storm in the near forecast Elizabeth couldn't help but reminisce on his love of lightning and how she'd come to look forward to 'bad' weather as well.
'I'll be watching the storm, wherever you are I know you'll be watching it with me.'
Elizabeth's last line of the message had slipped tears down Peter's face, but it had also made his heart feel light enough to easily pass a test of it against the weight of a feather. Watching another bright flash it made Peter smile to know that Elizabeth had seen it as well and was thinking of him while he thought of her. Peter smiled brighter at the fact that she was also probably having to console poor Satchmo seeing as the dog did not share his family's love of thunder. Peter wasn't sure how she had managed to keep the loyal lab through everything that must have happened to her after the embezzlement charges, but she had mentioned several times that Satchmo was selflessly keeping his side of the bed warm for him.
Peter was so absorbed by thoughts of Elizabeth and watching the storm that he didn't even notice how intently Neal was watching him. Neal had been subtle about his spying at first, pretending to read a book on the couch. However as the storm developed it became clear that Peter was completely unaware of his surroundings. Watching him by the glass doors Neal barely recognized him. Standing up straight with his shoulders held back and his head up Neal suddenly realized that Peter was considerably taller than he was, something he hadn't noticed before since Peter usually held himself in a way that gave him the appearance of always having to look up to make eye contact. The smile that lit up Peter's face every time lighting lit up the sky wasn't the tight lipped twitch at the corner of his lips that Neal had gotten used to either but rather a true vibrant smile that exposed his top set of teeth and brightened the look his golden eyes.
The more Neal studied Peter the more he realized that this wasn't just a sheltered man impressed by the wonders of Mother Nature. As beautiful as the lightning was Peter's connection to the storm was obviously far deeper than a mere enjoyment of a visual display. Neal had seen Peter lost in a memory of the past enough times to recognize the way he became disconnected with his present, however this was the first time Neal had witnessed him reacting to that memory with joy rather than heartbreak. Whatever Peter was reminiscing about it proved that a lifetime of subjugation had only left him bent but not broken. Neal felt like he was being given a glimpse of who Peter could have been if he hadn't had the misfortune of being born destined to an undeserved fate of being branded sub-human, and possibly who he could become if given the right chances.
Neal wanted more than anything to ask Peter what he was thinking about, but he didn't want to disturb the rare moment of peace. Neal already had a strong suspicion that the storm reminded Peter of someone rather than just something. Neal's curiosity about the nature of Peter's ownership by Elizabeth was starting to reach cat killing levels. Neal could easily see Peter becoming intensely loyal to a fair Master considering how hard he tried to please even the ones who had tortured him. However it was a little harder to imagine someone who had actively purchased an Animula for use as a slave being open to the idea of falling in love with their soulless possession.
Then again if any Animula could win the heart of a Mistress it would be Peter. Neal had a theory that the list of Masters ran nearly the length of Peter's arm because his owners were quick to deal with the problem of his obvious humanity by getting rid of him. Even Peter recognized the fact that he was different than most of his kind and that he fundamentally lacked the ability to fit in with them despite his best efforts. Out of sight out of mind would be an attractive solution to a Master not wanting to deal with the guilt of owning a man rather than a beast, but the right Mistress might react differently to discovering a soul in pain. Neal didn't know how many women owned or even worked with Animula, but he guessed that they were vastly in the minority, if for no other reason that the fact that Glass Ceiling still kept most of them from even attaining high corporate positions.
Neal recalled Peter miserably admitting that he'd ruined a life by making an exception to his fifth rule in a warning to not let the same happen to Neal. A woman discovered to be in love with her Animula would at best be thought to have a mental illness and at worse would instantly be branded a freak and an outcast. Anyone rich enough to privately own an Animula would probably also heavily depend on their social status. Disgrace could easily lead to financial ruin if her friends and clients abandoned her. However that scenario begged the question: did she push Peter away in shame or was he taken from her by force? And if force was involved would she want him back if she got the chance?
Neal had become just as absorbed in his thoughts as Peter was and time started to slip away from them both. As the rain began to lash against the windows and obscure the view Peter slowly returned from the past. Looking over at Neal he caught him staring at him. As if suddenly remembering himself Peter automatically stooped down slightly and brought his chin closer to his chest. Neal wondered just how often Peter's above average height had been a disadvantage for him when dealing with Masters that were probably easily intimidated by it and likely to take an instant distaste to him for it even if only on a subconscious level. Neal hoped that Peter would naturally reach a point where he didn't feel the need to literally sell himself short around him.
"I'm sorry, did you say something?" Peter asked fearing he'd missed something when Neal just continued to look at him.
"No." Neal shook his head and smiled warmly. "I didn't mean to stare, I've just never seen anyone so enthralled by lightning before."
"It's…special to me."
"I can tell. Anyone who has ever doubted that you have a soul has obviously never seen you in stormy weather."