An authors note...OMG!...this chapter just about killed me:P I am going to sound repetitive yet again and apologize profusely for not updating in such a long time...months actually. I really am sorry, and hope that this nice long chapter makes up, at least a little, for it. Major angst ahead in both this and the next chapter...you have been warned.
Disclaimer-Glee is the property of FOX, the creators and the writers.
Let It Be
Like every Fourth of July, the Abrams started out their day with patriotically decorated donuts, before heading across town to watch the annual parade. Alicia had made it a point to include Artie in all of the planning and preparation for the day...from what dessert he thought they should make, to what outfit she should dress Abbey in. She hoped it would ease the sting of having Andy be the one to march with his t-ball team this year, instead of Artie with his Cub scout pack.
Arriving early to ensure they easily accessed the spot Art had saved for them with folding chairs and blankets, Alicia was relieved to find he had chosen an area partially shaded by a large oak tree. She had made that suggestion so they wouldn't have to worry as much about too much sun exposure for Artie, or baby Abbey, and was able to ignore the little voice in the back of her head, warning her that in spite of being in the shade, they would still be sitting in the July heat for more than four hours.
Alicia contently watched Artie munch on his donut while she discreetly nursed Abbey under the blanket draped over her shoulder, until the roar of police motorbikes announced the beginning of the celebration, and the spaces around them began to fill.
"I think I'm in the way..." he mumbled self-consciously as he unlocked his brakes and backed up, trying his best to maneuver closer to his mother...a feat that was proving to be difficult on the uneven, and suddenly, very crowded surface.
"No Honey, you're fine right where you're at," Alicia assured him, her tone tender, but her message firm over the noise. It pained her that he felt that way. How was this fair...especially since they were there first? Didn't he have just as much right to be there as everyone else?
She remained seated next to him...even when everyone else jumped to their feet as the flags carried by a group of police officers and veterans, passed by.
As they settled in to watch the festivities, Artie was smiling and still waving the small flag he was holding...though Alicia couldn't help but notice him discretely tuck the plastic bag he'd brought with, between his left thigh and the armrest of his chair. She wondered if he was figuring any attempt at catching the candy being thrown, would be nearly impossible with the wall of able bodied kids perched on the curb in front of him.
That thought alone, made her eyes mist.
It wasn't long before Artie's former Cub Scout pack was passing by. Alicia couldn't believe just how many of Artie's waves went unreturned from the group of boys, who just a year ago, regarded him as one of their own. She reached over to grasp the small hand that was now laying still in his lap, and felt a squeeze almost immediately.
His smile returned almost as quickly.
Alicia knew that Art, Andy, and the players from the various programs in the youth sports association were coming up shortly, and she was bound and determined to keep Artie's smile from faltering from disappointment, yet again.
Spotting them both the group, Alicia rose to her feet only long enough to wave and snap a few pictures, before motioning over to her husband. It was a subtle gesture, just enough of a head nod to tip Art off. Without missing a step, he shoved both hands into the bucket of candy Andy was carrying, and jogged over to Artie.
The little boy giggled as an enormous amount of candy, rained down on his lap...more than twice the amount of anything anyone around him had collected thus far.
"Thanks Dad," Artie chuckled...a response which earned him a ruffle of the hair and a conspiratorial wink, before Art hurried to return to his group.
Eyes still wide with surprise, and beaming from ear to ear, Artie looked over at his mother, as if he couldn't believe his luck, and giggled again. Alicia could barely suppress her own amusement as she helped him finally put his bag to good use...making sure to collect any pieces that had fallen to the ground, before they could be snatched up by greedy little hands.
After his lap and surrounding areas had been cleared, Alicia lifted Artie over to hers so they could collect any candy that may have been hiding. The seven pieces they found between and under the cushion and frame of his chair, made him giggle even harder.
Artie pulled the lone piece of red licorice out of his bag and shared the candy, which he knew to be his mothers favorite, with her, before nestling back against her chest...where he happily spent the rest of the parade.
...
Artie ended up sharing a good amount of his candy with Andy on the ride to Alicia's parents house. If for nothing else, at least it got his brother to stop complaining about how much his feet hurt, or how the parade wasn't as much fun when you were marching in it.
Alicia sat in the front passenger seat, staring out the window, trying to keep her thoughts from wandering...something that was becoming increasingly more difficult since she'd flipped that calendar page over from June to July, to see that date there, staring her in the face. While she was doing a pretty good job of keeping up that front, Alicia was hoping that the party at her parents would be just the distraction she needed to continue it.
"I'm gonna go swimming now," Andy called excitedly, even before he was fully out of the van.
"Not before we reapply your sunscreen," she answered back as he darted past her.
While Art headed after Andy, Abbey's car seat in one hand and the diaper bag in the other, Alicia assisted Artie out. "You ready to go swimming?" she asked casually, and passed the mold of jello they'd made, to his waiting hands.
Artie carefully balanced the bowl on one thigh and the plate of cookies he was offered next, on the other, before giving a slight shrug. There was a slightly strained silence as his mother pushed him across the lawn, to the back of the house. "You're coming too, right?" he intoned a second later, twisting his head over his left shoulder, his eyes both imploring, and hopeful.
Alicia smiled lovingly down at him, and it was enough to ease the building tightness in her chest, for now. "You bet," she replied as playfully as possible, hoping it would be just the thing to ease his obvious anxiousness. "Dad too...and maybe even Abbey."
"Really?" Artie gasped, eyes widening with excitement. Baby Abbey had only been in the water twice in all of her nine and a half weeks, mostly because the air temperature outside had been too cool, even if their pool itself, was heated.
Alicia nodded, grinning. "We'll just get everyone changed and ready to go..." Her words trailed off when she noticed Artie's shoulders slump and his gaze fall to his lap. "Sweetie?" she cooed softly as she eased his chair to a stop, just outside the yard.
"I can keep my shirt on, right?"
There was no denying the deep self-consciousness pouring out of that muffled question. Alicia's mind drifted back to a few days ago, and the friends Andy'd invited to come swimming...neither of whom could stop staring at Artie's scars, or asking questions about how he'd got them.
"Of course you can, Sweetie," she reassured him, but went on to add, "but you don't need to..."
"I just don't want to burn," he cut in softly with that logical response before she could get out the 'you have nothing to be ashamed about', she'd planned on finishing with. It was a dismissive ploy, but she couldn't exactly fault him...he had inherited her fair Irish skin, after all.
Wordlessly, she pushed him through the gate, into the backyard.
...
While Art spent most of the afternoon in the water with his boys and two nephews, Alicia and her sisters helped Kathleen prepare the food, while keeping their eyes on the three girls, though the two youngest were currently napping in their strollers.
"Have you decided what you're doing for Libby's first birthday?" Bridget asked younger sister Colleen, as she passed her the pot of baked beans to be placed on the picnic table.
Colleen let out a playful chuckle. "Bry thinks we should go all out with a circus theme complete with a tent, a clown, and a magician."
"That sounds adorable," Kathleen cooed excitedly.
"And ridiculously expensive, Mom," Colleen countered, scoffing teasingly at her mother. "Especially for something she won't even remember."
"But you have to do something," Alicia intoned teasingly, using the best big sister nag she could muster.
"Yeah," Bridget concurred with a conspiratorial glance Alicia's way. "It is the big one."
Letting out a mock sigh of annoyance, Colleen rolled her eyes playfully at her older sisters. "I know, and we will," she went on to assure them, "...just not that over the top. Or big top, as the case may be." A string of laughter echoed, as the passing of platters resumed. "We need to start saving now, for that car we all know she'll be expecting for her sweet sixteen."
"Maybe you should ask Lucas for help," Bridget piped in. "He's already picked out the theme for his sixth birthday," she added with a slight giggle, then shrugged, "but that'll probably change five times between now and January."
"Andy's already picked his out too," Alicia quipped playfully, "though he only has to wait until the end of November." Then she remembered, and another soft chuckle escaped her. "Artie asked, even before this past birthday, if we could combine his and Abbey's next year," she stated, grinning from ear to ear. "He doesn't even care if it's 'girlie', just as long as they get to celebrate it together."
"Oh, that is so adorable," Bridget gushed, placing the last of the bowls onto the buffet table. "He has to be the sweetest big brother ever."
Alicia couldn't agree more.
One call from Kathleen, to the hungry guys, and dinner was underway. It wasn't much longer after that, and Tom emerged from the house, armed with a large pitcher and a tray of glasses. "Who's up for a margarita?"
"Ooh, I am," Bridget called out first, followed by Kathleen and Bryan.
"Leesh?" he asked as he finished pouring his own.
"No thanks," she was able to mutter through her slight surprise.
"C'mon, Sis," he needled playfully. "It's strawberry, your favorite."
Alicia tried to mask the glare of incredularity she was shooting him, with casualness. "I can't, Tommy...I'm nursing."
"It's only one," he countered flippantly.
"Really Tom, I can't," she insisted, voice cracking slightly with building emotion.
Tom scoffed teasingly, unaware at just how much he was upsetting his sister. "Deb used to do it," he continued thoughtlessly. "I have to go in to make more anyway, I promise I won't make this next batch very strong..."
"Tommy, I said I can't...okay?" she ground out, nearly shouting and startling herself as well as a few others in the process...especially her sons. Her teary gaze landed pointedly on Art, second beer clutched in his hand, and she blurted, "I'm the one driving home tonight."
As soft as her words had become, Alicia's message rang out loud and clear. Guilt striken, Tom hurried back into the house, not to return for some time, and without the pitcher of drinks he'd promised.
Alicia quickly turned her attention to her food, and away from the stares her outburst had caused...though she was anything but hungry now.
A slight solemness hung thick in the air, but toward the end of the meal, it lifted, and soon the sound of children's laughter and light-hearted conversation could be heard again.
"Mom, can I help with dessert?" Artie asked excitedly.
Alicia couldn't help but match the smile he was giving her. "Sure. Just let us clean up here and put the leftovers away, and I'll come back out to get you when we're ready."
"Okay," he replied, his grin widening as he scanned the back yard to see what he could do to keep busy in the mean time.
His Grandpa had Abbey on his lap, and was keeping an eye on new walker Libby who was toddling(but mostly falling) on the grass beside him. His Dad and Uncle Bryan were setting the spikes for the horseshoe toss, but they already had plenty of help with Ian, Andy, and Lucas all eager for their their turn with the rubber mallet. His Uncle Patrick had disappeared, presumably into the house with little Emma.
And then he saw him, at the far end of the patio.
"Hey, Uncle Tom."
"Hey, Artie," he returned, then busied himself by stomping out his cigarette, so his nephew wouldn't see the regret still present in his eyes. The habit itself was one he only abused when upset, but was not the action he was feeling guilty about, at present time. "You ready to play some horseshoes?"
The little boy shrugged noncommittally. "Maybe later. I'm gonna help Mom with dessert, first."
The pang hit again, and Tom dropped his gaze back to the ground. "I didn't mean to upset her..."
"I know," Artie replied genuinely. "She just...worries..."
Tom gave a small nod of understanding. "I know, and I was being stupid," he confessed.
There was a slight pause in conversation before Artie finally worked up the courage to ask, "So you're not gonna drive home tonight, right?"
At first the question took him by surprise. He wondered if it was obvious to even an eight year old that he'd had too much to drink that day, or if it was the reaction from the boy's mother, that gave that away.
"No Kiddo, I'm staying here tonight," uncle assured nephew, as he took a seat on the closest chair, so they could be almost eye level.
"And Ian?" Artie queried almost immediately, knowing his younger cousin would be due back at his mom's house, later that night.
A shake of the head this time. "No, Grandpa's going to take him."
"Good." Artie breathed a small sigh of relief, and shrugged again. "I wouldn't want anyone to get hurt."
Tom closed his eyes, hoping to push down the anger building at himself and his foolish actions, as well as the emotion collecting in his throat. That rage from a year ago, when he learned the fate of his sister and especially his nephew, by the hands of some idiot, returned with a vengeance. How could he have forgotten all of that?
"I wouldn't want that either," he managed to croak out.
A broad smile began forming on Artie's lips, and before Tom knew it, his nephew had closed the distance between them and a small pair of arms were being flung around him. "I love you, Uncle Tom."
Tom couldn't hold back the chuckle that erupted from deep within, though he was able to prevent shedding any of the tears that were pooling in his eyes as he hugged back. "I love you too, Buddy."
...
Alicia had already forgiven her brother, even before she secretly witnessed the tender exchange between him and her son. However, the events of the day, paired with the time of year in general, and the fact that Tom decided to drink excessively in front of the kids...especially Artie...had her even farther on edge.
They'd just finished up eating their smores and, after the stickiness was washed off the children, were now getting ready for the fireworks.
While they waited for dusk to turn to darkness, Kathleen and Tom Sr. took out the more kid friendly items they'd bought for their grandkids...snaps, poppers, and of course every ones favorite, sparklers. Each child over five got their own box of each, while the parents of the infants and toddlers, got their cut.
Andy and Ian had already been through both their boxes of the snaps and poppers, as well as half of Artie's and all of Abbey's. It wasn't long before they burned their way through the sparklers, too.
"Mom, can we have Abbey's now?" he asked pleadingly, though it came off sounding a lot more like a whine.
"You may have three each...the rest is for her," Alicia replied pointedly. Even if the thrill was more for her and Art's benefit, the baby did seem to enjoy watching the bright light and crackle of the sticks.
As soon as the sticks were in hand, Andy and Ian ran back over to the small fire pit in the middle of the patio, lit one each, and began chasing each other with them. Lucas soon joined in, but stopped when something caught his attention.
"Hey Artie, why're you doing it that way?" the curious little boy asked his cousin.
"Because these sticks are really short and I can't reach the fire pit without getting really close," he answered casually, then showed the boy by carefully easing the tip of the stick over the flame of the small citronella candle sitting on the glass top table in front of him. "My Mom is worried that if I get to close to the pit, I might burn my legs and not know it. This way, I can still play and not worry about getting burned."
"My Mom won't let me by the fire either...she's afraid I'll get burnt too," Lucas admitted, a little dejectedly. "So she has to light my sparklers for me."
"If you want, I can share my candle with you," Artie offered, smiling at his cousin. Lucas' eyes widened with excitement, and he nodded animatedly before running over to ask his parents permission.
"Tag. You're it."
"I'm not playing Andy."
"But he tagged you, so you're it," Ian piped in.
"I can't chase you guys," Artie retorted, letting his incredularity overpower his annoyance. "Especially not in the dark, or on the grass, or with a sparkler in my hand."
Andy smirked then charged, Ian following a step behind. "But we can still chase you."
Artie began backing up a little, but Andy continued his advance, and began to wave a lit sparkler in his brothers face...and it wasn't until he felt the sting on his arm, that Artie looked down to see the cascading ash, falling onto his legs. "Stop, Andy," he warned, brushing his hands over his thighs in an attempt to shield them.
Andy didn't stop though. In fact, Artie's agitation just seemed to encourage him further, and soon, both him and Ian were lighting more sticks and aiming them at Artie's legs.
"Hey, don't do that...you're gonna burn me," he cried out.
Immediately alerted to the plea of her son, Alicia stood from her seat, and rushed over...just in time to see the smoldering tip of one of Andy's sparkler, touch the top of Artie's knee.
"Andrew Thomas Abrams," Alicia screamed...actually screamed, as she forcibly yanked Andy by the arm, away from Artie. She looked down and studied his legs. It was dark, but the unmistakable blemish of an angry red blister had definitely began to form. "Why would you do this...what were you thinking?"
"I just wanted to see if he could feel it," Andy answered meekly.
"What?" Alicia gasped incredulously, shaking her head in disbelief. "Good God Andy, you know he can't feel it...and you know how dangerous something like this could be for him..."
"I'm sorry, Mom," he cut in, bottom lip trembling.
"You should be sorry," she returned gruffly, but instantly regretted it. Feeling her last bit of resolve about to crumble, Alicia turned to Art and asked him to pack everything up, while she tended to Artie's wound.
"We should probably get this check out," she stated aloud, as she carefully covered the spot with a special dressing.
"No Mom, I'm fine," Artie returned fervently. The last place he wanted to go was the hospital.
"But Sweetie, it's very red and already starting to blister..." she managed before the tears started to flow.
"It's okay Mom...," he tried to reassure her, reaching out for her hand. Alicia squeezed back and nodded.
But it wasn't okay. She'd failed to protect him that day, and couldn't protect him now...from pain, from ignorance, from unkindness of others...even from his own brother.
And she hated herself for that.
...
ANx2...I have to admit, while RL has been insanely busy, the real reason I haven't updated was I kind of lost my inspiration for a while. This story(as well as my others) is so important to me, and while author and reader don't always see eye to eye, I want everyone to enjoy and love it as much as I do. Your opinion matters to me, so please let me know what you think:D
ANx3...Also, I know this chapter may seem a bit dark and overly emotional, but I ask that before you judge or bash Alicia for feeling the way she does, or acting a certain way, please put yourself in her shoes for just one minute...Thank you.