Here's the next part! Hope that you enjoy it while waiting for tonight's episode! Happy reading and REVIEW!
Filip once again found himself sitting outside in the cold Irish night, chain smoking. This time, he was outside Ashby's being anti-social. The place was packed full of people, but he had wandered outside in hopes that a very specific one of them would follow him. Today had been another insane day, finding Sean Casey dead, panicking for a moment at the thought of Jimmy getting to his girls again, feeling shame at the relief he felt when he realized Jimmy was after Abel instead, chasing down the baby, and finally the waiting game. His biggest concern was that fact that he hadn't had a chance to talk to Fiona about his feelings yet. What a selfish, fucking pussy he was.
Fiona came out to find him as he was lighting his third cigarette.
"Wondered where you had gotten to," she said, sitting down unnecessarily close to him on the metal step. He welcomed it.
"Aye, it was really crowded in there. Just wanted a minute to think," he told her, somewhat truthfully.
She reached over and took his smoke, taking a drag before resting her head against his shoulder. He didn't even bother to try and hide his smile.
"Kerryanne has been looking for you. She's afraid you are mad at her for failing to pick up your famous poker skills," Fiona half-joked with him.
"That's ridiculous. I still think that they are there, just buried somewhere deep, deep down," he replied earning him a laugh and a moment of silence.
"Are you going to tell me what is bothering you, or should I start guessing?" she soon asked, wiping the smile from his face.
"Ah, Fi. I don't know," he attempted to evade. He wasn't sure why, because he knew he had to talk about it, he had promised himself he would, but by this time, evading serious questions was second nature to him.
She picked her head up and used her hand to force him to look at her.
"Yes you do, Love. You know exactly what you want to say. Spit it out," she demanded, leaving him exactly zero room to avoid. It was now or never.
He took a deep breath and sighed, looking away from her face before softy saying, "Don't want to leave."
She didn't respond. He waited several moments, before turning to look at her again. She had a sad smile on her face.
"Is that all?" she asked gently.
He shrugged and nodded. Maybe it wasn't every last thought he had on the subject, but that was the general gist of it. They would get to the rest at some point, he was sure.
"Well, then. I don't want you to leave either, Filip. See, I sort of love having you here with us, and it's going to be brutal without you," she tenderly replied, taking his hand. He was grateful to have something to hold on to, something to keep him grounded.
"How's this going to work, Fi? Am I supposed to go home and forget any of this ever happened? Talk to you guys on the phone every so often, visit once a year? Because from there, it's not such a big step to never seeing you, never being around you. I have missed you, missed Kerryanne, so much these past ten years, even when I though you didn't want me. But that will be nothing compared to how much I will miss you guys now. I can't just go back to Charming and club parties and Croweaters and pretending not to think about you guys all the time. I just can't do it," he begged her to understand.
"I know. I really don't think there is any going back for either of us, Filip," she admitted.
"Well then what do we do, Fi? Because I have been thinking about it nonstop," he asked, hoping that she had some sort of answer.
"Well, we will come see you, and I hope you will come see us. Kerryanne and Juice have been talking incessantly about something called Skype, which sounds promising," she said. "It will be okay, you'll see."
"You know I will come see you. Of course I will. But how long until that won't be enough? What happens when you guys go back to your lives and get busy, and the phone calls start coming less and less, and then you guys have something going on and can't visit right now? Then, Kerryanne will get some stupid IRA boyfriend and won't want her Da around all the time. Then before we know it, she'll be grown and living her own life. And what if you meet somebody? Some nice, clean cut guy with an SUV and no scars whatsoever? Somebody who has absolutely no brothers and can be there all the time and can give you a nice life. What happens then, Fi?" he asked, kind of on the verge of a minor manic attack at this point, and he felt utterly ridiculous. He shouldn't be saying these things to her. He wanted her to be happy; always had. He felt incredibly selfish for feeling this way, but anytime he thought of her happy with another man, he immediately wanted to punch something. He wanted her for himself. If these fucked up circumstances had proven anything to him, it was that they belonged together.
She let go of his hand and stood up. He thought, for a split second, that she was going to walk away and start on that new life now, but instead she moved to the step in front of him, settling herself between his knees, placing a hand on each of his cheeks, and kissing him soundly. It was almost the last thing he expected her to do.
She broke the kiss and said, "Oh, my Filip. You are so silly sometimes. That's a lovely picture you paint, but I think you are forgetting one thing. I want no part of it. Clean cut has never really been my style. I think that, unless you have a family of six or more, SUV's are ridiculous, and I find scars very, very sexy. I was extremely lucky. I found the boy I want to be with forever when I was fourteen years old. I was careless and lost him for awhile, but he is in front of me now, and I won't let him get away again. I don't want anybody that is not you. Don't you know how much I love you, Filip?" she asked, honestly perplexed that he didn't realize exactly how much she wanted him, needed him, loved him.
"I know you do, Fi. I am just scared that it isn't going to be enough. I guess that's what it comes down to. I am fucking scared of losing you, losing Kerryanne. I want you guys with me all the time," he told her, leaning his forehead against hers.
"I know. Just have faith, Filip. We have been apart for ten years, and it hasn't managed to ruin us. You visit us as often as you can, and we will come to you, too. Summers and holidays and the like. And I will work my motherly magic on Kerryanne, see if I can't convince her to budge at all on her 'never leaving Ireland' stance. It will all work out, Love. You'll see," she said, kissing him again.
"You really think she would change her mind? Not that I doubt your magic, at all, but she seemed pretty adamant," he reminded her.
"Yes, but consider the circumstances. She was completely overwhelmed, and had known you for about two hours and we were talking a forced move because of Jimmy. But now? That little girl adores you. I have seen her look at you. It is not going to be easy for her to let you go. And if Jimmy is no longer a concern there, well, maybe it is something she would consider. Like I said, I can work on her. I have my ways. We will just come and visit, introduce her to some cute boys, and take her shopping, she will be hooked and never want to leave," she said, only half kidding.
"I hope you are right," he said, still not quite ready to allow himself to hope.
"I do, too. But even if she won't budge, we will just have to hold on with calls and visits for four years," she said, running her hands through his hair.
"Four years? What happens in four years?" he asked, completely at a loss as to the significance of the number.
"You said it yourself, Love. Before we know it, she will be grown, living her own life. In four years, our baby girl will be 18, in college. She won't need or want me around all the time, then. And when that happens, I will be wherever you are, providing you still want me, of course," she stated, completely serious.
He had really never thought of that. He wrote it off to not wanting to believe that Kerryanne would actually one day be grown. He knew that she had survived without him around for many years, but he never, ever pictured Fiona and Kerryanne seperately, with the exception of very private times, during which he didn't think of Kerryanne at all. He had always thought of them as a singularity, not Fiona and Kerryanne, rather FionaandKerryanne. But really, she was right. How many college students needed or wanted their mothers around all the time? Fiona would be lucky to have her home at Christmas and summer. And he knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Fiona wouldn't sit around knitting and waiting for Kerry to come home. She said she wanted to come be with him, and for the first time, he saw a glimmer of hope in the situation. He smiled.
"I'll still want you. I'll always want you. I would prefer sooner, rather than later. But either way, really. I will take what I can get," he affirmed, before kissing her. She let him. He was still amazed that she wanted him, that she let him kiss her. He was amazed at how she could make him feel better with so little effort; make him see the good in almost any situation. He was just amazed by her, overall. He still couldn't believe how lucky he was.
They were still locked in a rather intense kiss when the door opened again and Jax stuck his head out. He coughed once to get their attention.
"Hey, sorry man. Church. We have to figure some stuff out," he said, sounding truly apologetic.
"Aye, give me a moment. I'll be right there," Filip replied, not even looking at the younger man. He waited until the door closed again before wrapping his arms around Fiona. "I love you so goddamn much, Fi. Thank you, for everything."
She didn't respond, she just held him tightly for another moment, before letting go and standing up to follow him inside. It seemed like a great time to start working that motherly magic.