The rest of the night saw Grillby guarding the western side of the camp, flame flickering as low as he could possibly manage it without forcing himself to sleep, hood pulled low over his head to keep his fluttering flame out of sight. The night was cool. He could tell by the way the air warped as the heat from his body fizzled out into the world around him. Grillby wondered how long it would be before frost started lacing the ground in the morning. A few weeks maybe?

The elemental huffed out a discouraged sigh, smoke billowing forward with his breath. What was he going to do about Gaster? He'd thought after they got back to camp that all the fear, uncertainty - everything that was wrong would be okay again. But Grillby was still afraid, and Gaster was uncertain, and bitter. Grillby didn't understand what was wrong. Had Gaster always felt this way? Was it just something that was relevant now, after it had been thrown in the skeleton's face so often recently? But… surely Gaster should understand. None of that was his fault. Blame the mage that summoned the storm, blame the humans, blame the war. Blame anything other than his own weakness. Because Gaster wasn't weak. Aside from Amathea, Gaster was one of the strongest monsters Grillby had ever met. And not just because he'd saved Grillby's life either.

The elemental's soul gave a rueful twist in his chest. Gaster didn't… resent him… did he? No, no that was impossible. He shouldn't even be thinking about this. Grillby was strong because he was summoned that way, because he was an elemental, and he had no control over that. Surely Gaster understood…?

Or, a dark thought in Grillby's mind crept forward, that's precisely why he resents you. Because you were made this way, while he had to work for it.

Grillby felt himself burn a little lower, and he hugged himself quietly, and you managed to ruin that work. Great job.

Grillby hissed out another sigh, swallowing the sour taste the thoughts had put in him. There was no point in thinking about this. He couldn't do anything about it right now anyway. Gaster was… probably just venting. He'd be fine after he had some sleep. Right?

Grillby shook his head as if it could shoo the thoughts away. He refocused his attention on the forest around him, resigning himself to feeling anxious and uncomfortable but not letting himself give the thoughts direction. He had more important things to do. He needed to focus, if for no other reason than to feel like he was doing something right.

The night passed slow and uneventful, and filled with Grillby's flickering and nervous colors. He did his best not to jump at every unnatural noise he heard - that would just make him flare up brighter, and he didn't want that. He was already too conspicuous as it was. None of the noises he heard turned out to be enemies though. Few of them turned out to be much of anything past a falling branch or a passing animal of some sort. He watched as the sky slowly lit, fire expanding across it only to be consumed by watery blue. The forest crawled to life with birdsong and the chatter of small creatures. Grillby stretched and yawned and finally decided it was light enough to take his hood off and flicker brightly in the warming air.

He passed most of the day like that, standing quiet guard and trying to keep his thoughts from wandering. Twice he had a monster offer to relieve him, but Grillby politely refused. He wasn't quite ready to come back to camp yet. Besides, he felt more useful keeping watch out here than he did pacing around camp, doing mindless chores. The monsters that offered to relieve him didn't seem to mind it anyway. There was a haunted look about them, the quiet, damning dread of humans and all the horrors that came with them. Of course they'd rather be in camp, in relative safety, than out here on the fringe where any noise could be death coming.

So when Grillby said he was fine, they didn't question him. Though one of them was nice enough to get him something small to eat while he watched.

Grillby was left relatively to his own devices until the afternoon. He waited and watched as the sun began to sink, twisting and contorting the shadows into long and reaching shapes as they disappeared into the forest. The dappled light that peered through the canopy above turned a dying golden, embers of light growing cool as the evening chill started to warp the air. The soft crunch of footsteps grabbed the elemental's attention, and Grillby flickered a quiet greeting as Amathea emerged from the trees behind him. The commander flashed him a sharp-toothed grin.

"I was told I could find you out here," she hummed, her voice startlingly loud in the quiet air that Grillby had gotten used to. She stopped beside him, leaning back against a nearby tree, "You know, when I told you to take on a few more duties around here, I didn't mean for you to work yourself to dust."

Grillby chuckled, his flame crackling amusedly as he gave a shrug, "Standing guard isn't really hard work."

"Hard? No," Amathea conceded, pillowing her arm behind her head as she relaxed back into the tree she'd been leaning against, "But still exhausting. And unnerving when you're wondering after any humans that could be slinking around."

"It's good to be useful though," Grillby offered. Amathea simply shrugged at this, turning her gaze back to the gently darkening countryside. It would be a few hours yet before twilight was actually upon them, but in the autumn the night seemed to rush towards them. A comfortable pause passed between the two monsters before Amathea hummed.

"We're leaving out first thing in the morning. You need to make sure your things are gathered - if you even had any to scatter in the first place," the commander chuckled, "It'll be nice to be away from this place and finally put that nasty defeat behind us."

Grillby nodded, "Has anybody else made it to camp?"

"A handful of stragglers," Amathea sighed, ear frills twitching as she frowned, "Not many, and all of them in bad shape. One I spoke with says the river's gone down enough to use the ford. We'll be lucky if we have another night of peace before the humans chase us across the river. It's sad but, if there's any monsters left alive out there, they'll have to find a way of surviving without us. We've got no choice now."

Grillby felt a tug on his soul at that. The news was bitter to say the least. But… there were some things that couldn't be helped.

"Speaking of surviving," Amathea said, catching Grillby in a concerned glare, "How are you holding up? And so help me if you say 'fine', I'm going to personally throw you through a tree."

Grillby laughed, sparking in bright yellows and oranges. Amathea barred her teeth at him in a vicious, threatening sort of grin.

"Aye sure, laugh now tinderbox. We'll see if you're still laughing when you're picking splinters from your backside!"

Still chuckling, Grillby sparked and blazed a grin, "What in the world has you so convinced I'm not fine, Amathea?"

The commander's grin waned a bit, her glare a little more serious, "Well for a start, you damn near almost set the tent on fire last night."

She chuckled at the surprise that sparked off the elemental, "Thought nobody noticed that, didja? I'll admit, I almost didn't wake up. Was nice feeling all wrapped up and warm. And by the time I realized that was you, you'd woken yourself up. Figured I'd wait and talk to you about it when you were alone. Heaven knows Gaster gets jumpy when he talks about this kind of thing - I figure you might benefit from the privacy like he does."

Grillby frowned, scuffing a foot against the grass awkwardly, "I mean… it was just a bad dream."

"Bad dreams aren't just anything, tinderbox," Amathea chided gently, "Especially the ones that make you do things in real life. What was it about?"

Grillby scowled, his soul twisting around in his chest uncomfortably. He… honestly didn't want to be talking about this. It made him feel tense and sick, nervousness starting to writhe around in his stomach.

"It's dumb," Grillby finally muttered, sparking bitterly. Amathea only raised an eyebrow at him, silently prompting him to continue. After another awkward pause, Grillby let out a sigh of smoke.

"It was just water. That's it," he said finally, hugging himself uncomfortably, "It was the river, actually. I just… I dunno, it scared me."

"Aye, of course it did," Amathea's voice was still gentle and soft, worried, "You have every reason to be scared of it."

"But I don't though," Grillby scowled, frustration pitching his flame into jittering yellows and whites, "I'm fine. I… I mean, I'm healed. I'm not in danger. No damage was done that couldn't be fixed. I shouldn't be worrying about this - let alone having nightmares about it."

Amathea studied the elemental as he spoke, asking quietly, "This not the first time you've dreamed about this?"

Grillby sighed out a discouraged breath, smoke swirling out with the heavy sigh. He shook his head forlornly.

"When was the first time?"

The elemental rubbed the back of his neck nervously, "Uh… when we met that family out in the woods. Gaster had to wake me up."

"That was before the river though, wasn't it?"

Grillby nodded, his soul giving an uncomfortable twist as he muttered, "I was… dreaming about rain."

Amathea flashed Grillby the most pitiful expression then, full of quiet worry and regret. Grillby flickered warily at it, a bitter taste writhing inside him.

"Ammy don't look at me like that," he scowled, "I'm fine."

"Lad you're not," she responded firmly, frowning back at him, "And you're no lesser a monster for it, understand that. But you can't just ignore something like this. Ignoring things like this will make them worse, alright? Trust me, tinderbox, I've been there. If you keep having dreams like this, you tell me."

The elemental nodded, and Amathea smirked, "Come on Grillby, that's not a promise. Do ya need me to do that weird pinky thing Gaster does? Because I will."

This dragged a short laugh out of Grillby, and the elemental smirked, "I promise I'll talk to you."

"Good," Amathea put her fist on her hip and flashed him an accomplished smile, "It'll help when we put some distance between us and this nasty place as well."

Grillby nodded, "Yeah… have you uh… talked to Gaster as well?"

This gave Amathea pause. She frowned down at the grass between her feet, "A bit, though not as much as I'd liked to. I did hear you two spatting last night."

"I wouldn't really call it that. We weren't actually arguing," Grillby shrugged, and then asked hesitantly, "You don't think… Gaster resents me do you?"

"You hush that thought right there," Amathea chidded, "Gaster's mighty bitter, Grillby, but don't for a second think it's directed at you. He's angry with himself, tinderbox. And who can blame him? The monsters closest to him are twice as strong as he'll ever be, and there's very little he can do to change that."

"But… why?" Grillby flickered greens and blue in confusion, sparks jittering away from his form, "I mean, I understand me. I'm an elemental. I'll always be this way. But Ammy, you're a normal monster too. I mean… you're not normal but…"

Grillby trailed off, at a loss for what to say. He ended his sentence with a confused flicker and a meaningless gesture with his hands. Amathea smiled humorlessly for a moment.

"Gaster will never be a strong monster because he'll never have the intent or the level of violence needed to become one," Amathea said simply, sighing as she spoke, "He was given the choice a long time ago wasn't he? To have Mercy or to Fight whatever he came across. And he decided to be a doctor, didn't he? He wants to choose mercy, even when he has no choice but to fight. And as far as monsters like me go, I've been killing things since I was old enough to make a spear. I have never shown anyone mercy… not that I remember anyway."

Amathea's face split into a ferocious grin, and she gave a laugh at the surprise that flickered across Grillby's face, "That's right, you're too young to know any of that, aren't you? And I don't really talk about it much either, do I? Grillby, I didn't come south because I wanted to help out with this war. My family and I were run out of our homeland when the creatures up there had finally had enough of us."

"You're not serious," was all Grillby could think to say. But he knew Amathea, and while her tales tended to be far-fetched, she'd never been known to lie. Even now the commander had a look about her that said she was being serious, even in spite of the grin on her face.

"You know me and my siblings had bets going on who would finally get enough LV to become a boss monster?" Amathea said with a quiet laugh, "We'd go out of our way to attack things just for the EXP. Humans. Monsters. If it moved it was fair game. We were really terrors before we stumbled into this mess down south. I'll be honest with you, if Ghirdam hadn't died when he did, he probably would've made it to boss monster LV. He was mighty close, and hungry after it like no one else I'd ever met."

Grillby's mind was reeling. He flickered all sorts of mixed up, jumbled colors, greens and purples and blues all meshing together in his surprise and confusion.

"But that's… but you're not…" he stammered, and Amathea smirked. Finally the elemental managed, "That's not you. You're not bloodthirsty, or - or evil. You're nice, and loyal and a great leader and…"

His sentence stammered to an end when he noticed Amathea's smile had done nothing but grow since he'd started talking.

"What changed?"

Amathea smirked at this, thinking quietly for a moment, "Well… back then it was my family and I against the world. And we were content with that. We enjoyed it. Our only motivation was benefiting each other and whatever damned souls joined us on occasion. After we joined the war, I became intent on winning, at keeping monster kind from being completely destroyed. Aside from that though, I am still merciless. I am still intent. I want to fight, I'm willing to kill. I'm still hungry for a fight I might lose."

Her ear frills twitched thoughtfully as she said, "There's a thrill to a fight that I can't live without now. It's written into my soul. I have long lost that part of myself that can look at my enemies and have empathy, see mercy. And I doubt I'll ever get it back again."

Grillby blinked at Amathea as if he were suddenly seeing her for the first time. He… supposed she was right. He'd only been on an open battlefield with her twice, but he'd seen already that she fought unflinchingly, she showed no hesitation or fear. Even Grillby still hesitated sometimes, he was still afraid before the battle started. It wasn't until he lost himself to the motion, the adrenaline, and the gravity of the battle that he truly stopped feeling fear. And then there was Gaster, so confident everywhere else in the world, but who fell apart when his life was on the line.

"So… why did you join the war?" Grillby finally asked, "It sounds like you guys were happy - in a way. You knew what you wanted."

"Aye we did, and it almost got us all killed," Amathea chuckled, her gaze becoming wistful as she thought back, "We'd been sailing down the coast destroying just about everything we came across and stumbled right into the middle of this mess. When we heard an army was coming, we laughed. We thought it was just going to be some thrown-together group of farmers, something they'd send after bandits and the like. We were wrong. Almost dead wrong. They cornered us in a cove with almost three hundred soldiers."

Amathea gave a helpless sort of shrug, "We'll add that day to the growing list of reasons I should be dead. They'd dusted over half our crew when an angel swooped in with her army, trusted elemental at her side, chasing the bastards away. She was a real boss monster. One of the ones that are born great, you know? Not like the murderous blood-drinkers we were trying to be. Lady Toriel, she was called. We thought for sure she would have us killed or imprisoned. After all, we hadn't just been attacking humans, had we? We'd been tearing up monster settlements as well. But she didn't. She looked at us, all holy fire and tired wrath, and she spared us."

The commander gave an incredulous laugh, as if even now she couldn't understand it had actually happened, "Can you imagine our surprise? Us bunch of renegades, brought to our knees for the first time in our lives, brought to this great creature's mercy. And she does the one thing we've never expected from any monster. Ghirdam, my eldest brother, he was so impressed by her. Enchanted almost. He swore fealty to her in a heartbeat. And well… we didn't have to stay with him. But we'd come so far together…"

Amathea sighed, "I never thought in a hundred years this would have been how we all ended up. Ghirdam died still in her service, you know? And Irade followed him not long after."

Suddenly her face twisted into a frown, her gaze dropping to some point in the distance that Grillby couldn't fathom, "There's been so much going on… I almost forgot how much I missed them."

Amathea sighed out a heavy breath and then flashed Grillby a wan smile, "Look at me getting sentimental like some fool lass."

The elemental crackled a chuckle, "Sentimental isn't bad, you know."

"Of course it isn't," Amathea smirked, "But it's definitely not getting us back to camp anytime sooner. Come on. I had Gaster get us some supper started. If we get back in time we might be able to keep him from burning the camp to the ground!"

She motioned for Grillby to follow her, and with a tired flicker the elemental fell in step beside her. He noticed her gaze looked a bit distant as she walked, her ear frills twitching every once in a while in thought. Grillby figured he knew what she was thinking about. She was probably remembering a pair of monsters she'd been really close to… and wondering how her sister was doing. For not the first time, Grillby found himself wondering about how strong Amathea was. He honestly couldn't imagine what something like that must be like… he didn't have any siblings, obviously. Though he figured it might be about the same as losing Amathea or Gaster, or even Gerson. He hadn't seen the turtle monster in so long… he hoped he was okay.

When they reached their tent, Gaster was indeed still working on dinner. He quite proudly showed off the blue magic he'd managed to repair - flickering Grillby's soul blue for a few brief seconds before dropping the magic again. The elemental was nervous, but glad Gaster was actually fixing it - but before he could say as much the food Gaster had been making flared up with the rest of the fire. They salvaged what they could, both Grillby and Amathea laughing about the terrible cooking but eating heartily anyway. Gaster sprawled himself out by the fire, eating briefly before getting back to work on his soul, making occasional quips about how obviously the food was Grillby's fault since he hadn't come back in time to cook it. He smiled jokingly as he said it though.

That night Grillby dreamed of nothing, and he was grateful.

Author's Notes:

This is a mess and I apologize. A lot. There was a lot I needed to convey and I don't think I did it well at all. aldksjflasdkf

I'm also going to go ahead and call out the bad news now: I'm officially switching to once a week submissions. I was going to have to do it soon with classes starting back up in a couple weeks anyway, so this switch was inevitable. I'm just really sorry it happened this early. Honestly I am. These last couple of chapters have been really hard. I scrapped this one three times this week guys. And I still wanna scrap it honestly. But I need to keep moving or I'm going to get stuck, which I don't want.

I think I'm going to go ahead and keep posting on Thursdays, since that's how it's worked out so far. If I (somehow magically) make two chapters a week, or start making a buffer again, we'll see about increasing updates again. I'm sorry once again.

This sucks, it really does. This is the first time in a very long time I've been able to keep up a schedule on anything, and I've managed to fudge it up. *soft hissing noises*