Chapter thirty- four:
The air on the deck was cool and biting, a contrast to the sweat and stuffiness below decks but the hype of the mood was still on fire from the dancing and music. Rose had never felt so alive in her entire life. Her heart was still pounding from the excitement and the dancing. Adrenaline electrified her body like she had never felt before.
She dreaded reaching the entrance of first class, knowing the amazing mood would disappear right away and that she would be dragged right back to the hell which she called her home. The feeling at the pit of her stomach made her nervous as to what would happen next. Jack walked beside her, he too, was exhausted and giddy from the nights events but now he knew it must come to an end.
Jack's suit jacket hung over Rose's shoulders shielding her from the chill of the night. She pulled the lapels together around her neck and held it there as though it brought her some comfort. She could feel Jack's gaze on her every few seconds and had turned to smile at him. It was as though they had re-discovered the magic which they had found the night they had walked back to their hotel in New York along Broadway. The tension was present, his eyes pierced hers and sometime soon they would have to speak the unspoken words between them both. They had spent two days with each other, speaking of things which they always did. They had shared dreams, fears and everything in between. But for now, she needed to be in his presence.
She remembered the song which they had sang on Broadway. A song which was a symbol of her freedom.
''Come Josephine in my flying machine and its up we go…up we go.'' She sang sweetly, Jack too joined in slightly off key but carried on nevertheless.
''Balance yourself like a bird on a beam. In the air she goes! There she goes! Up, up, a little bit higher, Oh! My! The moon is on fire.''
They broke into a giggle, their hands by their sides and barely close enough but still enough to make them nervous but that soon stopped as they glanced up. The first-class entrance loomed and as quickly as it had come, Rose's hyperactive mood disappeared. A small, knowing smile fell on her face as she knew she would have to return and that the happiness of tonight would only last for just a few more short seconds. Jack sensed her dread. Rose turned to Jack and slid his jacket from her shoulders and handed it back to him.
''I don't want to go back.'' Rose confessed to Jack and his heart sunk for them both. She thought of a reason, any reason she could think of to prolong her return to reality. Her heart sank, she wished the deck would go on forever so they could continue their silent walk simply content in each other's company. She didn't know what would become of them after tonight. It felt as though something was coming to an end. She wasn't ready to say goodbye yet, not to Jack or the magical evening which they had experienced. Turning her attention to the beautiful starlit sky she instantly became lost at the sight.
''Look, it's so beautiful. So vast and endless.''
Jack came beside her and gazed at the sky. He was a stargazer himself but, in that moment, nothing else but Rose mattered.
''My crowd. They think they're giants they're not even dust in God's eye.''
She couldn't help but think of the contrast between Jack's world and her own. Jack had lived in her world for some months but now she had tasted his she found she enjoyed it more than her own. The freedom was just beyond her reach but some how she knew she wasn't quite strong enough to take the leap.
''You know there's been a mistake. You got mailed to the wrong address.'' Jack smirked and Rose broke into laughter. She loved how after everything, he still managed to make her smile. He too smiled and his dimples came into light.
''I did, didn't I?'' Jack came closer to her. ''They live inside this little tiny champagne bubble... and someday the bubble's going to burst. I don't know if I will go with it.''
''You are not like them Rose, you are so different. You long to experience things in the world.''
Rose found his eyes in the dim light. He read her thoughts so well, he knew her through and through and to find a person who still cares after the reveal of such secrets was a very rare find. Their stare was electric until something caught Rose's attention out of the corner of her eye.
A shooting star swept across the sky. ''Look a shooting star.'' Rose exclaimed, pointing.
Jack's eyes darted to the sky. ''Wow, that was a long one. You know what pops used to tell me? That every time you saw one it was a soul going to heaven.''
''I like that. Are we supposed to wish on it?'' Rose asked and turned her head to face Jack, not knowing just how close they had become since spotting the shooting star.
''What would you wish for?'' Jack gazed down into Rose's eyes. He could feel the tiny contact between them. Rose gazed back and took a look at his face and his lips. The touch was electric, she could feel the warmth coming from him. Her breathing became shallow and she had to actually remember to take in air. His presence made her body feel so weak. They had fun down below decks but now they were alone it was all about to change.
''Jack.'' His name left her throat huskily. She was so intoxicated by him. For two days they had played down their feelings but for now it had over boiled. Jack couldn't pretend anymore and nor could Rose. They didn't know what would happen in that moment. Would it open a new wound for them both?
He shakily placed his palm on her left cheek. She closed her eyes relishing the feel of his skin against her. It felt like it had been so long, it was what he would always do and she felt as though no time between them had been lost and yet time had. There was no distance between them, their lives were both laid out before the other and all they had to do was entwine them as one. There would be fear, insecurity and a reason to not go back after he had broken her heart. But life without him had been almost unbearable and now just his presence made her feel whole again and she ached for him, more than she ever had before.
''You, Jack. Always you.'' Her voice was barely audible. The words were out now. She wanted him, she always had despite their complications. The time apart had done her some good, she had barely functioned without him and she realised just how much she needed him. She had fallen deeply in love with him and it had only deepened since their parting.
Jack stroked his fingers upwards towards her hair. Her chest rose and fell quickly as she breathed. She held onto the rail for some support. Her knees felt as though they would give way beneath her and she felt as though she was floating. For Jack, he couldn't take the tension no more. He needed her. He leant forward and pressed his lips to hers just once, so faintly it was barely there but the tingling in their nerves said otherwise. Quickly, she grasped his other hand as she took a sharp intake of breath as she placed it on her hip. He kneaded the skin through her dress as he did when he made love to her and she took one more shaky breath before he openly kissed her right there and then on the deck.
His fingers ran down her cheek onto her neck as he grabbed her hip harder. She grasped his hand tightly as he kissed her deeper. She founded she needed to lean against the rail to support both their weight before her knees buckled from under her. She was no longer cold, she was simply desperate for him.
He traced kissed down her neck before making his way to her ear. She felt every nerve in her body tingle more so with every kiss. Her spine shivered, her hands shaky and her breath so ragged.
''Leave him, come with me.'' He whispered to her.
She stoked his face with her free hand. Those were the words which she had needed to hear for so long but never dreamt that she would hear again. When she left him in Giverney, she thought she would never see or hear from him again.
That day her heart had shattered, never to become whole again. Until this day. She nodded against his body.
''Tomorrow, I will tell him.''
''You need to tell me something though first, Rose.''
She found his eyes. ''Anything.''
He reached up and traced his fingers over her eye. ''Did he do this?''
Rose squeezed her eyes closed. She could still feel the tightness beneath her make up. She had believed it was nothing to worry about. ''I displeased him at dinner. He had never touched me before.'' Her voice broke. ''But that is done with now.''
A cloud of anger hit Jack but he knew he couldn't allow it to boil over, not now he had everything they both wanted.
''Did he touch you? At all?''
Rose placed her hands-on Jack's shoulders.
''Do not allow insecurities to plague us now.'' She tilted her head. ''I kissed him once or twice, returning his affections. My heart was consumed by you as it still is.''
He nodded, he was all right with that.
''The truth is you are my everything.''
''You opened my eyes and you wounded me so deep that a scar will always remain.'' She touched her stomach, the nerves fluttering now more than ever. ''But I love you Jack.''
His heart filled with love. He had yearned for those words since he had left her in Paris. Each morning since then he had wondered if he had messed it up beyond repair, thought he would never get the chance to show her just what she meant to him and her words soothed away all of his fears.
He had once believed that his fears would be erased as soon as they had parted, that at some point she would leave Jack and then they would both be able to continue their lives as though they had never met. He would tell himself that Cal was the best thing for her and that their relationship could never be. Jack was never going to be good enough for her. Was love enough?
Jack loved her. He did with all of his heart. But could he ever be a husband to her, or offer Rose what a husband should? But then his mind had changed in that instant. His own happiness had suffered, without her in his life, it was dull in comparison.
Now, Rose had lit up his life once again. They wouldn't allow one hiccup to part them, they wouldn't be parted again and he sure as Hell wouldn't allow Cal to hurt Rose.
''I love you.'' He breathed into her hair as he pulled her into his arms. ''Tomorrow I will meet you right here, you will stay with me until the ship docks.'' He felt her nod in his arms trusting him completely.
Nothing would come between them again.