CHAPTER 37

As much as she hated Mark Caldwell and Declan Gage, Alex hated Thomas Linley more. Caldwell was, after all, largely Linley's creation, and Declan Gage, for all of his many sins, was set on the road to disaster by Linley's actions. As the case continued, neither Alex or Bobby had direct contact with Linley, but they heard about his arrogance. He traded promises of information about his victims for special treatment, but his two chief demands—that he be allowed to speak with Mark Caldwell and Robert Goren—were consistently refused. Alex and Bobby watched a few of the interrogations of Caldwell. The man's smugness infuriated Alex, but Bobby viewed the proceedings with an eerie detachment.

It became clear that, in spite of Captain Ross' reluctance, Dr. Huang's reservations, and Alex Eames' objections, Bobby Goren was going to speak with Thomas Linley. The stated reason was that everyone involved with the investigation wanted to find as many of Sebastian's victims as possible, but Huang and Alex were worried that Bobby had his own agenda in confronting Linley.

"He wants to prove to everyone—including himself—that he can do this," Alex said to Huang over one of the many cups of coffee they shared.

"True," Huang agreed. "But there's something else. It's as if he feels he has to something to make up for something he's done or hasn't done. As if he feels he needs to do penance for something. If Linley picks up on that—and he's more than capable of doing that—and turns it against Detective Goren…"

"Bobby has overdeveloped senses of guilt and responsibility," Alex said. "It's not hard to find and exploit them."

Alex and Huang's concern were lost in the face of Bobby's assurances that he was all right. He was more than willing to confront Linley, and those in charge were more than willing to use him. A time and date were finally set. Linley's lawyers weren't keen on their client facing Bobby, especially after the results of his interview with Mark Caldwell, but Linley eagerly accepted the offer, and insisted that he face Bobby alone.

The night before Bobby's encounter with Linley, Alex accompanied Bobby home. As he had since the interview with Caldwell, Bobby quietly accepted her presence. There was greater tension than usual, and neither said much as Alex drove to Bobby's home. When they entered his house, she checked his kitchen. Alex wasn't particularly hungry, but she was determined to get something inside Bobby. For his part, Bobby was remarkably passive. He really didn't seem to care what happened to him. He sat silently and listlessly on his couch as Alex rummaged in his kitchen.

"Well…I couldn't find anything in there," Alex said as she walked into the living room. "You want to go out? Order something?"

"Whatever you want…"

"Bobby…" Alex sat next to him on the couch. "You need to eat something. I know you haven't had much today…"

"Really…I'm not hungry…I…I don't think I can eat anything…"

"Bobby." She moved and knelt in front of him. "You don't have to do this."

He raised his head, and she could barely meet his eyes. "You know that I have to…I…I owe the families…"

"I don't understand," Alex said. "Why do you think you owe them? Whatever you think, Bobby…Surely what you suffered…That must count for something?"

Bobby leaned his head against the back of his couch. "I…I may be the only one who can do this…The friends and families…Deserve to know what happened…If you were me, you'd do this…Any good cop would do this…"

Alex shook her head. "I don't know about that, Bobby. This seems above and beyond even the best cops I've seen. You…You're not doing this because…Because you think you deserve to suffer…"

It was several moments before he responded. "You and Huang been talking?"

"Yes." Alex knew Bobby could tell if she lied. "Bobby…You're a good man…You're not responsible for what happened to anyone."

"I…Look," he said wearily. "I…Are you ok? Are there sheets and pillows on the bed in the extra room? I'm really…I'm going to try to get some sleep."

He stood, and it was as if he'd slammed a door in her face. Alex had no idea how to get him to open it again.

"I'm not hungry," Bobby continued. "You're welcome to anything…I…I'll get breakfast tomorrow, if you want." He walked away, and Alex felt helpless.

"Eames…Alex…" He stood in the middle of the room, his back to her. "I…I'm sorry…I can't…Not right now…I can't…I'm sorry…"

She watched him walk away. Numbly, she stumbled back to the kitchen. She found some cereal and milk and ate a little. When she finished it, she walked by Bobby's bedroom door and hesitated. She desperately wanted to open the door and check on him, but her respect for his privacy held her hand. She took a deep breath, and went to the extra bedroom to try to sleep. She slept little and badly, waking up to all sorts of terrors. In what seemed to be the middle of the night, she heard the click of the door being opened. She was instantly awake, with her right hand reaching for gun. Even as she reached under the bed, Alex knew that Bobby was the source of the sound. "Light," she said softly, and switched on the lamp on the table by the bed. A pale Bobby stood blinking in the doorway.

"Are…What is it?" Alex asked gently.

"I…I'm sorry to wake you up…I…I was checking on you…To see if you were all right…I…I'm sorry…I did the very thing I didn't want to do…"

"It's ok," Alex said. She slipped from under the sheets and blankets and walked toward Bobby. She wore her pajama pants and T-shirt, and she felt safer than she did in her own home. She stopped a step away from him. He radiated fear and confusion. She did not want him facing Linley in this state.

"Bobby," she said, and reached out to touch his arm. "You've got to get some rest…"

He shivered when she touched him. "I know," he said wearily. "I think I fell asleep…But…I had this dream…Or dreams…And you…You were being hurt…All…All of the bad people in my life…You know…All of them…I woke up…And I had to know if you were ok…I…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have invaded…But I had to see that you were all right…"

Alex stepped closer to him. "You can see and hear and feel that I'm all right."

"And…And smell…You always smell so good…" Bobby murmured.

Alex felt his warm breath on her hair. She looked up at him, stood on her toes, and gently pulled his head down to her. Their lips brushed, and Bobby closed his eyes and shuddered.

"Alex…Don't do this…" She wasn't sure if she heard or felt the words. "Not unless you want this…Because if we start…I don't think I could stop…"

"Who," Alex thought as they kissed. "Would want this to stop?"

The kiss grew deeper, and Alex was dimly aware of being propelled back to the bed and of Bobby's large, graceful hands reaching beneath her shirt to create tiny flames of pleasure on her skin. He didn't hurt or force here. He was gentle and tender, but there was desperation in his touches and kisses. Alex didn't fight him. She didn't want to. She wanted him—she had wanted him for a long time. She needed him, maybe not as desperately as he needed her, but she needed him. She thought that making love might free and strengthen him. She loved him. She knew that he loved her. She would give him what she could. She would give herself to him.

He gently pushed her on the bed. He reached for the bottom of her shirt, but Alex quickly pulled it over her head and dropped it on the floor.

"Oh, God," he prayed. "Alex…You're so beautiful…" He dropped to his knees before her; his hands hovered over her. She caught his hands and pulled them to her breasts. It was the last thing she clearly remembered for several moments. Bobby's hands and mouth were everywhere on her body, creating wonderful things. She didn't know how she lost the rest of her clothing; she didn't know how Bobby lost his. He moved inside her before she was completely ready for him, and she cried out at the pleasure and pain. She thought he hesitated, and she wrapped her arms as far as they would go around him and pulled him to her. He thrust inside her, and great waves of joy flooded her. She was lost to everything but him.

She slowly returned to reality. Bobby sprawled across her body. She tenderly ran her hands through his damp curls. He shivered, and she reached for the covers to pull over them. His shivering turned to shaking. As he started to sob, Alex wrapped her arms around him.

"It's all right," she whispered. "You didn't hurt me…It was wonderful…You were wonderful…" She rubbed circles on back. His sobs eased and ceased, and he fell into a deep sleep. She soon followed him.

END CHAPTER 37