Recap Stephanie admits she loves Ranger, and he says he loves her too.

Note: Not everything in this chapter is consistent with the books or this story. That's because dreams tend to reflect fears or hopes more than reality.

Ranger

I lay in bed, my naked form wrapped around Stephanie's. She had fallen asleep a few moments ago, her breathing slipping to a familiar and soothing rhythm. Her wild curls were tickling my nose as I nuzzled the back of her head, and I pondered going to sleep. I was scared. Scared I might dream, might scare her, or God forbid, might hurt her. I knew that after almost a week suppressing my nightmares, I would be very likely to have them tonight. Bobby was right, my brain needed to process all that had happened to me. Pushing it off would only make it worse. I stopped fighting sleep and let it overtake me.

I was in the jungle, staring down a jaguar. It circled me as I slowly swung my arm to follow it, keeping the gun trained right between its eyes.

I was driving at nearly twice the speed limit to the remote cabin where I thought she was being held by Stiva. I could see it in the distance, but as I pushed harder on the gas it seemed to get further away, like it was being pulled backwards by an invisible string.

I was running through a village, most of the huts ablaze. I heard a cry to my left and saw a small girl trapped under a fallen beam from her house. She looked to be about 6. Julie's age. I ran to her and tried to pry off the beam, her screams filling the night.

I was at Kinsey's wedding. His bride was walking down the aisle, then joined him on the dias. They spoke their vows, and the priest declared them Husband and Wife. I was so happy for him, happy he had found someone who gave him peace. He lifted the veil, and it was Stephanie standing there in the dress. She looked at me and said "I don't feel well", and retched onto the floor, her face pale and waxy.

I was carrying Lester in a fireman's hold over my shoulder, his leg bleeding from the bullet that had just barely missed his femoral artery. I tried to apply pressure to the wound with my hand while running as fast as I could with the added weight.

I was sitting in the corner of Stephanie's room, where I went to watch her sleep. She was lying there on the bed, naked, the cop on top of her and pushing himself inside her flesh. She was reaching for me, and I couldn't tell if her cries were from pleasure or pain. I tried to get up, but I was stuck to the chair, mute and immobile, watching him fuck the woman I loved and unable to do anything about it.

I was on a street near the projects, undercover to try to take out a big shot in the drug trade that was rumored to be in the area. My phone rang. "Yo." I said, hoping it was something I could deal with quickly.

A nasal Jersey voice answered. "Ranger, it's Connie. I have a favor to ask. Got a new BEA, but she needs some training. Can you teach her?"

"Don't really have the time now."

"You'll like her. She's got big blue eyes. I know you're a sucker for those."

"Fine. I'll meet her. But don't expect me to play babysitter for long. I don't need someone I have to look out for every minute."

I was crouched behind a rock with Tank, returning fire that we couldn't pinpoint the source of. It was half an hour before sunset. If we could last that long, we might have a shot in hell of getting out of this hellhole alive. I counted to three and pointed my weapon, firing almost blind into the trees.

I was in the back of a bar, pretending to nurse a beer. Stephanie walked in and sat next to a man who had jumped bail on an assault charge. She had him hooked within minutes, and was leading him out of the building to where Tank and Ram were waiting for him. As they were walking, she tripped on something and he caught her going down, managing to grab her crotch while looking like he was keeping her from falling. Her eyes flashed to me, looking scared at first, but telling me to stay where I was until she was clear of the building. She got him outside and I quickly followed. By the time I was out he was on the ground in cuffs.

"What happened to your hand, Ranger?" Bobby asked. I looked down to see I was bleeding. I must have squeezed my beer glass so hard it shattered. I hadn't even felt it slice through my palm.

I was riding my bike around the neighborhood, glad that summer vacation had finally started and I was free. I turned the corner and nearly ran into Jose, the neighborhood bully. He grabbed my handlebars and shook them, forcing me to put my feet on the ground to steady myself. "Well what do we have here? It's Carla. What are you doing on my street Carla?"

I try to remember what Tia Rosa had said, that if I stood up to bullies they would respect me and leave me alone. "My name is Carlos. And I can ride wherever I want. It's a free country"

Jose laughed at me, so I took a swing at him. I was aiming for his face, but he was so much taller than me that I only hit his shoulder. He shoved me down to the sidewalk, flipped me over, and rubbed my face against the concrete. Thankfully the long hair that I was constantly teased about cushioned my cheek, protecting my skin from being scraped too badly.

I was standing on the bridge, Stephanie dangling below me from a rope that was coming undone. She had a look of pure terror on her face, and it matched what I felt in my chest. I gave my gun to Tank and kicked off my boots, scrambling over the railing. My heart stopped as the rope came free and she fell, and I dove after her without a second thought. We seemed to hang in the air for an eternity. My hand was stretched out to her, and her eyes looked pleadingly up at me. She fell into the dark water and I tried to mark the spot before I hit myself.

It felt like crashing into a cement sidewalk, but I didn't care. I searched in the dark, turgid water for her. The water was blacker than any cave or jungle I had ever been in, and the sound of it roared in my ears. I stretched out my fingers, grasping in what I hoped, prayed, was the right direction. I couldn't tell which was was up or down, and as I swam I crashed into the muddy bottom of the Delaware river. I tried to push off, but the muck held my feet as I pushed off. I was running out of air, and I still hadn't found her. I wanted to scream her name, but couldn't. I felt something brush against my face, and when I pushed it away I realized it was her hair. I grabbed at it, then worked my way down her head, her shoulder, until I could wrap my arm around her waist. I kicked my legs as hard as I could, grateful I wasn't wearing heavy boots, and desperately worked my way to the surface. I let out tiny bubbles of precious air and felt which way they went to make sure I was going in the right direction. I pulled her inert body behind me, losing the use of my left arm to pull her along.

I broke the surface and drew in gasp after gasp of frigid air that felt like nectar from the Gods. I pulled her head up above the surface and pulled against her stomach, trying to get her to breath, and to force out any water that might have gotten into her lungs.

"Ranger."

Her lips were blue and her face slack as I managed to get her to the edge of the river. "Common Babe. Don't you die on me!"

"Ranger!"

I turned her body to the side, then lay her flat and tilted her head back to perform CPR. I breathed and performed chest compressions, begging her to wake up.

"Carlos!"

The use of my real name finally woke me, and I jerked awake. Stephanie was inches from my face, deep concern showing in her eyes, illuminated by the pale October light creeping into the condo.

"Babe." It was relief, thankfulness, and apology all in one. I tucked a stray curl behind her ear and tried to control my breathing. "I'm sorry. I knew this might happen. Did I hurt you?"

"You don't need to apologize. You just started holding me really tight. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I can't quite remember the details. Times I've been scared, I think. Or times burned into my memory. The scariest ones were when I thought I might lose you."

She kissed me gently, and ran her fingers through my hair. "I love you so much Ranger. You won't lose me."

We both knew she couldn't really make that promise. Neither of us could. Our lives were too dangerous, too unpredictable.

"I love you too, Babe."

She wrapped an arm around me, and run it up and down my back, much like I had a few days ago. A few days, was that really all it had been? In some ways it felt like hours. In others, our entire lives. Her touch soothed me, and I felt myself drifting back to sleep, this time without dreams.