Jacob's POV:
Jacob slammed his fists against the tree of the forest. "Jacob," Embry calls out, softly. "Jake, I know you're hurting but—"
"But what?" Jacob demanded threw gritted teeth. "Didn't you see the disgust in her eyes? Because I did, she couldn't even stomach the idea of me touching her." Jacob slid down the base of the tree and sat on the cold ground.
"I think there is something else that happened to her…" Embry glanced away, demonstrating that he was clearly uncomfortable.
Jacob glared at him. ""You act like you know something that I do not." Embry squirmed under his glare. "What haven't you told me?"
"Keally—"
"I don't want to hear about that half-breed leech," Jacob spat through gritted teeth.
"I've given you chances, Jake, but if you say shit about my imprint one more time I am going to rip your head off."
"Is that a threat—"Jacob began to rise with a challenging look in his eyes.
"Shut the hell up, Jacob. Let Embry talk for one damn minute, would you?" Leah pushed through the trees and fixed Jacob with a scowl.
"Fine," Jacob grumbled after a long sigh.
"Keally said that the last time Clary had acted like this, you know cold and everything, was after a traumatic experience in her life. And that with time, the darkness inside her fell away, but each time something traumatic happens in Clary's life…the darkness inside her grows."
"How does Keally know that?" Jacob said after a pregnant pause.
"Because each time that it has happened, I can always feel it." Keally murmured the statement after, suddenly, emerging from a nearby clearing. "Clary always tries to hide it but I always feel the darkness inside her. But this time it feels different…darker, and it is consuming her."
"What should I do then? She cannot even stand me being near her right now." Jacob ran a hand over his face in obvious frustration.
"You need to give her time. Clary is stronger than you could ever realize, but right now she is struggling with this…thing…that's inside her. I know you want to help, but she needs to come to you on her own. If you smother her right now she will only push you away," Keally explained.
"So I'm just supposed to sit back and do nothing? You know I can't do that," Jacob replied, a look of desperation in his eyes. "The bond from the imprint would never allow it."
Keally was silent for a moment and then her eyes seemed to brighten with an idea. "Write her letters," she said in a rush. "Every week write her a letter, and even if she doesn't respond keep writing them. It will show you are not giving up on her. And that's the most important message to get across because you have no idea how many people have given up on her, or disappointed Clary in her life."
Jacob stared at Keally for a moment, considering the idea, and then nodded his head. "Alright, I'll do that and keep my distance but you have to keep me updated on how she is doing, or I'll go crazy."
"Okay. Get writing, mutt," Keally said and nodded her head.
Clary's POV:
Three weeks later.
There is something dark inside of me. When I was young, I'd lay in bed at night hearing whispers and scratching in the darkness. It had started after the death of my grandmother, which is when my faith in the church had waivered. Then, like salt on an exposed wound, my house and my faith erupted into flames and created a down spiral of events that sealed my fate. The scratching and whispers in the darkness morphed into distorted screeching and grating. Later in life, a therapist of mine explained that it was possibly a flashback or a nightmare elicited by Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It was a miniscule comfort from an alternative diagnosis of schizophrenia, which a psychiatrist tried to theorize to my mother. After that particular encounter, I stopped trying to explain why I was so tired yet restless at night. Too poor to afford medications to help insomnia and induce sleep, I desperately tried praying again, blanket over my head in attempt to hide from the whispering darkness. Then I stopped listening, which caused the distant scratching that tried to pull me in and swallow my small body to suddenly vanish.
Years passed and I met Keally, a young girl that stood next to me in the face of bullying at school. After the fire, a lot of things changed. A man held me down while I was at my babysitter's house, and only smiled and uncrossed my legs when I pleaded for him to stop. Soon after, the scratching and whispers came back, as if to taunt me. Parents and friends told me that I grew quieter, which seemed to place a stamp of weakness on me. Kids at school began to spread rumors awful rumors that I smelled like smoke and that I was to blame for the fire. Hateful names like "freak," "anorexic" and "scum" became the aliases of my darken existence. Children can be so cruel when they want to be.
Through it all, Keally stayed by my side and kept me moving forward but I never told her about the whispers, or the scratching. Keally's presence always filled me with relief and, strangely, a light that constantly pulled me out of the darkness that tried to consume me. The first time I met Keally was after my grandmother died, it was during the holidays and since I was off from school I would hang out in the graveyard and talk to my grandmother about what was happening in life. One day I was talking to my grandmother, while I stared at the cloudy sky that was darkening into the evening, I heard someone crying. People crying there wasn't unusual. I mean it was a graveyard. A pale little girl with blonde hair and a dark purple dress was there, tears in her eyes and fists clenched as she shouted at a gravestone.
Flashback:
The little girl, around the age of 10 years it seemed since she looked my age, was the picture of furious grief. "Why did you leave? It should have been me! That's what everyone but daddy says… That I took you away from them!" She kicked the tree that was next to the grave and I heard a loud crunch. I sat up from my spot on the ground and stared at the furious little girl, who ran her hands through her blonde curls. The action caused her hair to become disarray. She dropped down to her knees, dirtying the knees of her white stockings as she sobbed into her hands. "It should have been me. I'm so sorry, momma…"
I approached cautiously, uncertain how to comfort her. Then I remembered that I had my grandmother's old handkerchief that was freshly cleaned in my coat pocket. I silently sat next to her and thrust the handkerchief in her lap, glancing away at the sky that was continuing to darken. The girl seemed familiar but I didn't have very many friends in school. Well, that's an understatement because I didn't have any friends since the fire so I always kept to myself.
"Did you lose someone here, too?" The girl asked after a prolonged silence. I nodded my head but still didn't look at her. "Hey, you look familiar; do I know you from somewhere?" I shrugged, awkward and probably unhelpfully, but if it was from school I would rather her not remember me. Kids had been so mean to me lately. Calling me horrible names, saying that I smelled like smoke, and asking me why I didn't save my cats in the fire. After a while, I started blaming myself for everything, too.
"You don't talk very much; do you?" The girl tried again and after another shrug of reply she sighed. "What's your name?
I bit my lip, unsure of how to respond but decided that I should just say the truth. "Clarissa," and then I flinch at the sound of my name. Clarissssa, the drawn out sound like nails on a chalkboard and I just want to cover my ears, close my eyes, and forget. "But I prefer Clary," I whispered to the ground.
The girl grinned and it lit up her whole face, causing me to blink because I felt like I'd been hit with a stun gun. "My names Keally,"she said brightly and extended her pale hand. I stared at it for a moment and then cautiously placed my hand in hers. I just let it set on her cold hand and furrowed my brow at the tingling sensation that ran up my arm when I touched her hand. It was electric warmth that calmed my numb body and I felt relieved from all the pain inside of me. For a moment Keally's smile faltered and then she shoved my hand away and before I could blink she embraced me in a fierce hug.
My eyes widened as round as saucers and I awkwardly patted Keally's back. "Um, okay."
End flashback.
I didn't know that Keally would become so much a part of my life, but I did recognize the bond that tightly formed between us. I had so many hidden scars and had grown used to the feeling of numbness. My father walked in and out of my life with a carelessness that both shattered and infuriated me, while a shadowed man would sneak into my room until I made a lock on my door and blocked it with my dresser. I felt alone and unseen by even my family; didn't they see the pain that I was enduring? Now, looking back at my past, I guess I'll never know if they knew I was cutting or having night terrors whenever I slept. I was the only Knight now from my legacy, orphaned after one terrible night. Worse yet, after the wedding massacre, I began hearing the scratching and whispering of the darkness again. I felt like I was being consumed by the darkness, more overwhelming then I'd ever experienced.
"Clary," a voice from far away broke me out of my thoughts. I looked behind me, moved away from the window I'd been staring out of, and met Keally's concerned eyes. "Where were you just now? You seemed so far away," she explained with a frown.
"I was just thinking of the day we met each other," I responded and glanced back out the window. "It seems so long ago that we were children."
"You're right," she said, quietly, and came next to me to stare out the window with me. "You know I noticed our bond that very day in the graveyard. The closest explanation that I could find to the connection was concerning the social bonds of dolphins."
"Hmm," I murmured in reply and felt her eyes on me again.
"We are going to be okay, Clary. You're going to be okay," Keally stated fiercely.
"I'm not so certain anymore, Keally. I feel like I can escape this darkness anymore. It is like a self-made cage that bounds me to another world. A world full of dug up bones, dark twisted fantasies that are now turned into reality, silent screams, and I am being kissed by death." I frown and shake my head. "I know I'm not making sense but it's just this intense feeling I have. A dark power that is coursing through my veins, but I am afraid of what it is or means."
Keally remained silent but her frown increased and she began biting her nails. A habit that screamed that she was nervous about something she wanted to say. We knew each other so well.
"Go ahead," I sighed. "Ask me."
"I feel the darkness inside you, Clary. It's stronger now than it ever has been, and I don't know how to help…"
"But?" I pressed for the word she was thinking of, but was being cautious and didn't want to push me.
"But…to be different, is it really a flaw? To be different, to be powerful, is that not a divine gift?" Keally stared out the window again and her eyes traced the darkening sky. Keally set something down on the other side of the window seat, but did not offer an explanation or a comment.
I remained silent for a few hours, curling my legs up on the window seat of our apartment. Keally had left for her class, but I still decided to answer the empty room. "But what if it's a curse?" A curse that is twisting inside of me, waiting until a moment of weakness so that it can steal my breath and allow my life to slip away. I peer across the window seat at the parcel that Keally had set down and ran my hands over a sealed envelope with my name carefully written. After tearing the seal, I began to read.
Dear Clary,
I hope you read this and don't just discard it. I know that you do not wish to see me right now, but know that I am here whenever you need me. I wonder how you are, how you're spending your days, and what you think of throughout the day. Last week I saw you in the café when Embry and I grabbed some food, and I wanted to badly to speak to you but I decided to give you the space you wanted. Have your classes been going well? I hope the rest of your day goes well. Until next time.
Yours,
Jacob
I know this is long overdue, but I'll be starting the next chapter soon. As you can see, the tone is getting darker. Reviews please!