PART SEVENTY ONE
CRAIG
"So, when are you going to tell him"? Kelly asked.
"Tell who what"?. I looked at her pointedly, waiting for a response.
"Tell John Paul you want to shag him senseless". Nothing like getting straight to the point then. Funny how she didn't even blush as she said it.
I tried to decide whether to deny it or be honest. After all, there was no way she knew for certain.
"I don't know what you're talking about". I turned to the barman and gave him the list of drinks. As he placed the first couple on the counter, i lifted Laura's vodka and knocked it back in one, asking for another as a replacement.
"Come on Craig, anyone can see it, you fancy the pants off him and we know you aren't a couple, John Paul filled us in on that the other night". I looked down feeling a bit guilty for letting them believe we were.
"Sorry about that, we weren't trying to deceive you or anything, it's just...." i bit my lip as i waited for the recriminations but they didn't come. She put her hand on my arm until i met her eyes.
"It's okay....we get it. We assumed you and John Paul were a couple and you just didn't correct us. Don't worry about it". I looked at her and she nodded as confirmation of her words. I leaned against the bar in relief, glad that it wasn't going to be an issue.
"It doesn't explain why you look at him like he's your boyfriend though!" My head shot round and i saw that she had this knowing glint in her eyes and she was smiling like she had just found the answer to the million dollar question.
"I do not!" She laughed, throwing her head back, her eyes sparkling at my denial. Shit! Was i that obvious. I figured since John Paul had said and done nothing i must not be getting the message across very well but...it seems not.
"Oh please....if you had your way, you'd have thrown him onto the pool table and had your wicked way with him there and then". I couldn't help looking over at the table where John Paul sat with Dean and Laura. He was already looking my way and i smiled, our eyes connecting for a split second before he turned away back to the conversation that was going on.
"Well i..." i floundered around for a second, trying to find the right words. "He's not interested".
Kelly let out a very unladylike snort and grabbed my arm, shaking her head from side to side.
"Are you fucking kidding me" i stared at her, waiting for her to elaborate. "If he's not interested, then i'm the Queen of England" she nudged me, inclining her head in John Paul's direction. "That my friend is a boy in love". I rubbed the back of my neck trying to work out how to say what i wanted to without sounding conceited.
"Yeah, i know that but...." i sighed as my thoughts came to fruition...."he just wants to be friends". Actually saying it aloud made it worse somehow. I thought back to how things were before we came away and wondered if i was best just trying to revert back to that.
"Have you asked him?" her voice was questioning as she looked at me imploringly.
"No but....he's said so often enough" i shrugged as i delivered my reply. She didn't give up though, in fact i had the impression she'd thought about this a lot.
"Well he will do won't he....i mean....as far as he's concerned you're straight, like totally, utterly, 100% straight. He's hardly likely to believe things have changed, is he?" I guess her words held some truth but it had been pretty bloody obvious the way i'd been acting the last few days, so i told her this.
"Yes but Craig, think about it. You haven't said anything. Even if he thought there was a possibility, he's not going to suddenly make a move on you , is he? Can you imagine what would happen if he had read the situation wrong? I mean, how the heck would he explain himself out of that one....Oops, Sorry mate, thought you decided you fancy me, must have read the signs wrong, lets forget i just tried to snog you?"
I couldn't help laughing at that. What she said made perfect sense, i suppose it opened my eyes a bit, seeing it from his point of view. I guessed she was right. If John Paul had done something like that, say 3 weeks ago, i would definitely have freaked out. But none of this was going to help my present situation.
"Tell him!"
That was her answer??? No way!!!
"I can't!" i almost shouted. She inclined her head, thinking about it.
"Why?" she leaned back, her elbows on the counter, her body language inviting me to open up to her. I thought about it, thought about my reasons for not telling him, convincing myself again and again that it wasn't a good idea.
"I just....look, me and JP have been friends, best friends for nearly a year. You heard him yourself the other night, when he said he valued friendship above all else. I can't ruin that, just chuck it away, unless i know for certain that that's what he wants". I was almost pleading with her to see where i was coming from. "If i wade in there, like you just said with John Paul, and declare i have feelings for him, and he DOES just want to stay friends....well, i'll have pretty much ruined it, won't i?" I hung my head in defeat as my words resonated through my mind. What i said made perfect sense...didn't it?
KELLY
Jesus Christ, this was proving more difficult than i first thought. It didn't seem to matter what i said, he had an answer for everything. The worst thing was....i could kind of see where he was coming from. The bond between them was more evident than ever. He was right, if John Paul had just wanted to be friends then Craig would be spot on with the way he was thinking. The problem for me was that, of course, me and the others know the truth. That if John Paul was offered more by Craig, he would grasp it with both hands and hang on for dear life.
I looked over at Laura and Dean, wondering if they were faring any better. I could see them talking and he was clearly listening but he was looking over in our direction like he wanted to throttle somebody. Craig was still waiting for me to say more.
"But he does love you like that, anyone can tell".
"How?" He was looking at me, his expression filled with frustration and confusion and my heart almost broke for how helpless he obviously felt at the situation.
"How can you tell? He asked in earnest. "Honestly, i've tried everything. Flirting, hugging, sitting really close....i even left some bloody love cheques lying about so he'd find them. Surely if he wanted to change things he's had enough hints?".
I smiled at the love cheques comment. I could almost picture him hiding them around and John Paul finding them, wondering how they got there. That's why we needed him to take the bull by the horns, so to speak.
I was lost for words. This guy, this absolutely fantastic man was looking at me for all the answers and i had none to give him. I wanted to shout at him everything that John Paul had told us two nights ago but i couldn't, it wasn't my place to. As far as i was concerned, i needed to get these two talking or something, between themselves before the whole sorry mess imploded.
"It's on you Craig...you HAVE to do it, you have to make the first move. I'm telling you, John Paul feels the same, i can see it in everything he does but there is NO WAY he's going to approach you about it." He was looking right at me, taking in everything i was saying, bobbing his head in agreement but i could still see the hesitancy and uncertainty lurking behind his big brown eyes.
My attention was diverted for a second when i noticed a small gash on his right temple. I reached out and lifted the strands of dark hair that were covering it, drawing in a gasp as i saw the extent of his injury.
CRAIG
"Shit Craig...how the hell did you do that?" I averted my gaze and drew in a deep breath, getting ready to tell her everything.
"We went to The Syndicate last night" she nodded, acknowledging her recognition of the place. "Anyway, we'd been chatting and having a laugh with these girls and they left to go to the toilets and...well, i nearly kissed him". She raised her eyebrows at my confession and leaned in closer.
"And?" she was looking at me in anticipation.
"Well, the girls came back and i had to go and dance with them". Her expression of disbelief said it all really. "I know, i know...i'm a dick. I should have told them to get lost and leave us alone but i was confused". I tried to make her understand what i meant. I didn't want her thinking i was leading John Paul on or anything.
"Anyway, we went off dancing leaving John Paul at the table" she rolled her eyes this time. "And then one of them tried to kiss me." She looked shocked but stayed quiet, waiting for me to carry on. "I think that's when i really realised it was John Paul that i really wanted....you know, for definite".
"Then i kissed him!"
"But you said....."
"No not that one, another one" i interrupted her. "I got back on the dance floor and saw this really huge bloke leaning towards John Paul". I got a bit shaky as i reminisced, trying to block out how frightened i felt when i saw the way he was about to hit John Paul. "So i walked over there and made out he was my boyfriend and kissed him". She was grinning her head off now, bless her.
"Bloody hell" she breathed. "Did you use tongues?"
"No!" Seriously, what was it with women that they wanted all the juicy details.
"You enjoyed it though?" she asked with a cheeky grin. I couldn't help smiling back, remembering the feel as my lips touched his.
"Yeah...best kiss ever!" Oh God, i was gushing like a teenage girl when she looks at Zac Efron.
"What happened next?" she was wide eyed and entranced as i continued the story.
"Well....i got punched in the face!" i could laugh about it now it was passed, although i got the impression it would be years before John Paul could think back about it with affection.
I explained how we spoke to the manager and i got my head seen by the paramedic and then went on to tell her about John Paul throwing up in the office. My voice had gone to barely a whisper at this point and i was surprised she could still hear me.
"You're the best friend i ever had, and i wouldn't change that for the world". I looked at her, my eyes pleading with her to understand. "That's what he said to me" i could feel the unmanly tears filling my eyes as his words went over and over in my mind. My voice hitched as i explained. "That's why it's so hard....to tell him".
KELLY
One minute i was grinning my head off as he explained that they'd kissed and the next minute his words pierced my heart and made me ache for him, wanting to wrap him in my arms and tell him everything would work out okay.
"You're the best friend i ever had, and i wouldn't change that for the world". I watched as his expression changed, from wistful.....thinking about the kiss to....well....utter devestation.
This strong, good looking, sensitive man was tearing himself up over some words his best friend had said in the wake of a scary ordeal.
"That's what he said to me, that's why it's so hard....to tell him". His voice broke and i could see him fighting back the tears at the enormity of his words.
I looked over at the others, willing them to have more success than me.
PART SEVENTY TWO
JOHN PAUL
The others were talking but i found my attention wavering as i watched Craig and Kelly talking at the bar. They looked...intimate. I couldn't really believe Laura hadn't said anything, they weren't exactly being subtle.
"Listen, John Paul" i turned to Dean and Laura who were looking at me expectantly. "We were wondering what's going on with you and Craig?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well....you know the other day when you said you loved him" Dean started. I found myself interrupting him before he even finished.
"Love him...present tense". He grinned and nodded at his mistake.
"Love him, right. Well....you said you love him but that he doesn't return the feelings....how do you know?" I sighed. I really didn't want to get into this. What was the point? I'd just end up giving myself a headache.
"Do we have to do this?" i sounded like a right whiny bastard and i was doing my own head in but i didn't need these guys making it worse. They looked at each other and at Ollie as he came back from the gents. I could see they didn't want to drop the subject but i really hoped they would. I glanced back over to the bar, just in time to see Kelly throw her head back laughing at something Craig had said.
"John Paul....we think he really likes you" said Laura. I heaved a sigh and turned towards them trying my damndest not to show just how thoroughly pissed off i was. I'd been looking forward to coming here all week and minute by minute it was turning into the worst night possible. The others were joining in like nodding dogs so i held my hands open, gesturing for them to continue. I figured it would be easier to hear them out than to get them to leave me alone.
"We" he pointed at the three of them, "just think that you aren't seeing what's right in front of you" i bobbed my head feigning interest. I saw the gesture Ollie gave Dean, as if to say...is there any point continuing, and i decided to snap myself out of this being a twat, feeling sorry for myself mode and take in what they were saying.
"Sorry guys, i'm being a pain...go on, i'm listening". They huddled around as though they were going to discuss a secret.
"Craig likes you...like...fancies you, likes you". I shook my head, showing them they were wasting their time.
"He's straight" i told them, speaking slowly so they could take it in. Dean and Ollie exchanged a knowing glance as i couldn't keep the sarcasm out of my voice. Fuck! What was wrong with me, i didn't usually react this way with people, especially those that were only trying to be nice. "Sorry" i said again, this time trying to mean it.
"Right! You know before...when he was playing pool with Ollie" i nodded. "Did you not notice how jealous he got when we told you someone was watching you?" He waited for me to think about it and come up with a response.
"He wasn't jealous, he just thought they were a bit old, that's all" i couldn't help sticking up for Craig being as he wasn't here to defend himself.
"Did you not think it strange that he went for the long pot and just happened to have to lean right over the table with his backside in your face, instead of the easy one that could've set him up for the frame?" I wanted to tell him it was strange that HE'D noticed that was for sure.
"He likes a challenge....and ....he wasn't in my face, it was just at the same height" i countered.
"What about the pool then....when he thought that bloke had winked at you, he missed the winning shot and...no offense mate but a monkey could have made that shot". I looked from Dean to Ollie, mulling over what they just said. It HAD been an easy shot but that didn't mean he was distracted because of the wink. He could have been preoccupied with anything...like Kelly who, right at this moment was leaning in really close to Craig and gripping his arm like her life depended on it.
I couldn't stop watching the interaction between the pair of them. She was talking really close to his ear and he seemed to be listening intently to what she was saying. She looked this way and i ducked my head but probably not before she noticed me watching. Great now she was going to think i was some kind of obsessed stalker too.
"John Paul....are you even listening?"
"What?" i hadn't realised they were still talking.
"We were saying that Craig is acting differently around you" Dean tried to reason.
"Yeah, like he wants to kiss you" said Laura dreamily.
"Been there, done that...twice" i confirmed, getting a great sense of satisfaction from the fish faces i was receiving from all three of them.
"Your kidding".
"No way!"
"When?"
All three of them fired a question at me at the same time and i thought about stringing them along and saying nothing but i just wanted the topic dropped so i explained.
"I'm not kidding....yeah way....last night". My succinct answers had them all gob smacked again. Actually it was pretty nasty what i was doing to my new found, though maybe not for long, friends so i decided to put them out of their misery.
"Right well...." i had their rapt attention as i started to elaborate. "We went clubbing and to cut a long story short, this ape of a bloke came over to talk...
"You mean chat you up" said Ollie, i shrugged.
"Okay...chat me up....and i laughed because i thought Craig might be in with the chance of a threesome...."
"What...with you and the other bloke?" asked Laura.
"Eh? No" i shook my head. "With the girls he was dancing with".
"What girls?"
"Just some fucking girls okay!" i saw the startled look on Laura's face. "Shit sorry...sorry". What the hell was wrong with me? It was like i'd had a personality transplant in the last two hours and she looked like she might burst into tears. I tried to reassure her with a smile.
"Anyway, Craig came over, sat next to me and kissed me...no big deal" yeah right McQueen, who're you trying to kid.
Laura opened her mouth as if to say something, then thought better of it and closed it again before changing her mind and asking anyway.
"Was it nice?" Soppy prat that i am, i couldn't help the grin that split across my face for the first time since i'd sat down.
"Yeah it was.....amazing". Was that really my voice. I sounded breathless and dreamy....aargh, how sad is that?
Dean was looking at me with a peculiar expression on his face and i knew the third degree wasn't over yet.
"So you're saying....Craig chose to kiss you? Instead of punching him out or running for the bouncers?" he seemed puzzled. Personally, i couldn't see what the problem was, it all appeared pretty logical to me but Dean was having a hard time accepting it.
"Do you not see what i mean about Craig?" I couldn't, i honestly couldn't. "No offense mate but i have straight friends and there isn't one of them would kiss me to get me out of trouble...even if i asked." he looked to Ollie for confirmation, who, lo and behold, bobbed his head in agreement.
Yeah well, maybe the aren't good enough friends then, was what i was thinking. God, even my thoughts were dripping with sarcasm.
"He was just looking out for me, that's all". I thought about the options he'd had. "Besides, the bloke was built like a tank and the bouncers could have been anywhere."
DEAN
I knew it was going to be difficult but this....i felt like one of those interrogators off the Iraqi hostage films. Every time i pointed out a situation where Craig had been 'more than friendly' or showed signs of jealousy, John Paul had come up with some lame excuse to defend his actions. He probably thought he was sticking up for his friend but....no one was even attacking him. I just wanted John Paul to see what everyone else could. It was like a flashing beacon....Craig Dean Fancies the pants off John Paul McQueen but the poor lad was determined to talk himself out of every single situation.
He wasn't himself tonight either. Something else was bugging him but as perceptive as i usually was, i couldn't put my finger on it. He seemed like a different lad than the other night, he was more abrasive and was automatically on the defensive with everything we said.
I'd just got finished trying to explain that it isn't in the nature of men who were straight or didn't fancy their mate to go wading in their to defend their honour but he wouldn't hear of it. He reckoned Craig was just 'looking out for him'. That was all well and good but i had at least twenty friends at home that would beg to differ with him on that issue. Hell, it had happened on a couple of occasions to me and they had defended my honour....with their fists not their mouths.
"What about the other kiss...you said there were two?" i tried to make eye contact with Laura to get her to drop it but either she didn't see me or was too eager to hear the gory details that she didn't care.
John Paul looked around at us all, taking in our expectant expressions.
"Well, after we looked in the goody bags and i gave him a massage, the painkillers eventually knocked him out and i had to get him into bed". Three pairs of eyebrows were on a collision course with the ceiling.
"Did you say massage?" asked Ollie. I rewarded him with an elbow dig to the ribs.
"Yeah, we got all these sex things and i offered him a massage". I waited for the punchline but it didn't come so i figured it must really have happened. I couldn't believe that hadn't set off alarm bells ringing, even for John Paul. I mean, you can't get much more intimate than that without actually doing the deed, can you?
We chose to let it go by the way side and waited for him to elaborate on the second kiss.
"Anyway, as i got him tucked in under the covers...."
"Ahhh". We all looked at Laura willing her to be quiet.
"As i was saying....he was tucked in and he asked me to kiss him, that's all" as if to punctuate his statement, he sat back and folded his arms, waiting for the onslaught of questions from us.
"Did you?"
"What did...?
"How did...?" He looked from one of us to the other, raising his eyebrows at Laura first.
"Did you kiss him"? She asked, her eyes widening as he replied.
"Yes!"
"What did he say?" That was from Ollie.
"He didn't SAY anything.....just....kiss me". He was trying to be matter of fact but it wasn't working. As much as he wasn't saying anything, his eyes were telling a different story. The blueness was shining brighter than ever and i could tell from the hint of a smile that played at his lips that THAT kiss had meant the world to him.
JOHN PAUL
God, why did the reminder of that kiss in bed bring the memories from last night flooding back. Not the bad stuff but everything else. I could still feel the imprint of his mouth on mine, the softness of his lips and the abrasive rub of his stubble as if caught my jaw. The innocent picture of Craig as he'd touched his fingertips to his lips moments after mine had left his still left me feeling breathless. I was aware the others were watching but there was nothing else i could do about it.
"Listen..John Paul..all i'm asking is that you look for the signs. Don't see them and sweep them away as insignificant. Believe me, every little thing he does is for a reason and i'm....we're...just asking you to keep your eyes open for them" Dean said.
"We want to see you happy and we're sure there's something there that you're missing, we can see it, we just need you to" finished Ollie. For one who doesn't talk much, he had enough to say tonight.
"Yeah, just think if he kissed you again". As usual, Laura went all dreamy on us.
What the hell right. It couldn't do any harm and at least it would get them off my back for the night.