Thirty-Seven

Tough Questions

It was well into the evening by the time that Alexandria arrived at Baker Street. That was how she had planned it, killing time going over cold cases in her office until she was certain that her two boys were fast asleep in their bed. When she went inside, things were unusually quiet. The gaslights in the hall were up indicating that someone was home, but the fact that the computer was turned off was quite strange, and no other lights were on except for the small lamp on the kitchen counter.

Thinking that perhaps Ben must have gone upstairs early, she put away her coat and was about to go up when she heard the sound of someone coming down the back stairs. Curiously she peered around the front stairwell to see Ben peering out from the other hallway.

"There you are. I was beginning to wonder," Alex said, holding onto the rail.

"What are you doing home?" Ben asked in alarm.

"I live here, silly. What were you doing in the library?" Alex asked in return.

"Oh… reading," Ben said distantly.

"Really? I've never seen you read before," Alex said.

"Contrary to popular belief, people have to do a lot of reading while on a computer," Ben said irritably.

"Okay, I know," Alex said with a grin. "I meant books. It's a miracle you were able to find anything to read up there, considering that it's mostly tomes on dark magic and alchemy short of one of Mum's Dickens collections and a handful of mysteries that father decided didn't need to be read more than once. Now me, I'll read anything. I'm just surprised because you've always been the hands on type." Ben simply nodded, apparently uninterested in adding to the conversation.

"Would you like some tea? I'm going to put the kettle on. I've had a monstrous day at work," Alex explained, stepping into the kitchen. Ben watched her with a bewildered expression on his face. "Rel and I have been following even the faintest of leads to try and figure out who the leader of the Four Horseman is and we've been running into nothing but dead ends. Whoever it is really knows how to cover his tracks. Everyone that we know that is involved so far only has partial knowledge, and I don't think that trend is going to end," Alex admitted with a sigh, looking through tea canisters.

"You shouldn't be telling me all of that," Ben said sternly. Alex stared at him in surprise, and the look faded into a rather tired expression. "You shouldn't talk about your work."

"What? You're always asking me about work. I am the one that usually doesn't want to talk about it," Alex said.

"Then why start now?" Ben asked, the irritation back in his voice. Alex stared into the empty cups for a moment before filling them with hot water.

"I suppose because it's the easiest thing for me to open about right now," Alex said slowly. "And I really think we should talk."

"You want to talk now?" Ben said with disbelief. "Why do you want to talk now, not at Christmas or over the summer or even a week ago? Why now?"

"What's wrong with now?" Alex asked.

"What isn't wrong, Alex?" Ben snapped back.

"Everything is wrong, I agree, which is why we need to talk," Alex said, raising her voice to match his.

"I can't talk to you now," Ben said firmly. "You're just going to have to go back to whoever it is you just left. You can't stay here. If you need something from here, please get it and leave."

"Does this mean… does this mean you're leaving me?" Alex asked, feeling her throat tighten.

"No, you are the one leaving," Ben said, pulling on her arm.

"Just like that, without hearing my side of all this?"

"This is not a trial and I am no judge. But I will do what's best for our children whether you approve of it or not," Ben said, holding out her cloak. "Now get out."

"Please don't let it end like this, Ben," Alex begged quietly. "Even if it does have to end… even if I have been fully to blame for all of this, let's at least come to some sort of understanding as to why it happened. Don't you want to know why?"

"I am not like you, Alex," Ben said bluntly, opening the door. "And I believe that sometimes it is better to leave certain questions unanswered. Now, please leave. For Rus and Jay's sake if not your own."

"Fine. It isn't as if I don't have anywhere else to go, is it?" Alex said acidly.

"Good, then I'm sure you'll find someone to talk to," Ben said. "And please don't try talking to me again. I'll send a note as to when and where you can see the children in a few days."

"You don't even know how to find me."

"Aurelius does," Ben said simply, shutting the door in her face and throwing the bolt in place.

It was a futile act to lock it; Alexandria still had a key and knew other ways to get in should she want to. And yet even though she knew that, the gesture in and of itself made her heart catch in her throat, and she wondered what to do now. The idea of heading back to Xavier's for the evening was rather appealing until she remembered their conversation that morning. When he told her what happened, would he comfort her, or scold her for being careless? She didn't want another confrontation after what she went through, and definitely not by both of them on the same night. Making up her mind at last, Alexandria took her key to the Ministry.

Peering through the glass, Ben watched her until she disappeared. He slid down the door and closed his eyes, but he could not block out the fear or the ache that had overwhelmed him with her departure.

Alex awoke in her office due to a very noisy conversation that was taking place in the room. She sat up just enough to peer over the side of the couch, groaning when she saw who it was.

"What are you guys doing here? Don't you know it's Saturday?" she said with a yawn.

"Whoo us?" hooted one of the owls.

"It can't be Saturday. You aren't here on Saturdays," reasoned a tawny owl.

"Don't you want your post?" asked a screech owl.

"I have more than post. I have a report to file," said a horned owl, ruffling his feathers. Alex put a pillow over her head.

"Must you be so official all the time? Especially on a Saturday," said the first owl.

"You don't know whether it's Saturday or not any more than I do," said the haughty owl.

"'Ere, mates. If the Min'ster says it's Sat'aday, it is, I say. Lets let her ladyship be, if she wants."

"It's all right, Dodger," Alex said at last, rubbing her eyes. "Someone go to the cafeteria and order me some coffee."

"I'll get it, luv," he offered, taking off through a small open window.

Alex reluctantly got up and stretched before walking over to what at first looked like a cross between a coat rack and a tree. A large oak pole served as a base for a multitude of bird stands that branched off in all directions. She had, in fact, bought it used from Eeylops back when they were replacing all of their displays. It had taken a bit of work to get it cleaned up and polished, but it made it a lot easier now that all the owls had a place to alight at instead of being spread about the large room.

"So which of you agents has legitimate business and who are just here to hang out?" Alex asked, several of the owls sliding closer to the center pole at that.

"I have post from your man in Azkaban, Minister," said the horned owl proudly. "And you told us that post from Azkaban was high priority." Some of the other owls ruffled their feathers.

"Behave guys, he has a right to be proud. It isn't often that his agent is given a high priority," Alex scolded.

"But he's always like that, he thinks he royalty or something just because he's Revere's distant cousin," a brown owl complained.

"All birds are full of themselves," Tes declared by licking her paw repeatedly.

Alex knew that acknowledging the cat had said anything would be trouble, so instead reached for the note and pretended not to have seen the gesture. Dodger flew in, somehow managing to find an unoccupied perch.

"It's on its way, luv, box twenty-three," Dodger said. Alex distractedly read the letter before going over to a wall filled with postal boxes. Unlocking one of them, she took out a canister of coffee and a plate with a crumpet with pumpkin butter.

"So, what did it say?" the horned owl asked impatiently.

"It said that after Bagman was done 'raving' about injustices, he decided not to issue further complaint about his family visitations getting restricted," Alex said, sitting down with her breakfast. "Apparently, as a parting shot he said, 'perhaps this will finally convince you that I'm not involved once and for all.'"

"Well, that clenches it then, eh?" Dodger said.

"You're right," Alex sighed. "He does have something to do with all of this. He wouldn't have said that if he didn't."

"Their absence does not prove his innocence?" the horned owl asked.

"No, it only proves that he found some other way to get messages out," Alex said. "I can guess how he gets news, but how he responds to it short of these visits is another matter. Maybe one of the guards is helping him."

"Not my guard," the owl said haughtily.

"No, of course not yours. But there are a great many guards that go in and out of there," Alex said. "Jeaps, how hard would it be for you to get a hold of one of his personal letters on its way out?"

"Entirely against regulations. I am not Azkaban's head owl," he admitted reluctantly. A couple of the younger owls made soft noises that made him spin his head around and stare threateningly at them until they quieted down.

"Bribing guards is against regulations too, isn't it?" Alex said.

"Most definitely," the horned owl hooted.

"If they're sending codes through the post, then he'll have had no reason to do so. It should clear the possibility…"

"Or bring it to light," the horned owl hooted seriously. "Does the head guard not already check them?"

"Yes he does, and diligently too, of that I have no doubt. But no one can hide a code from me," Alex said.

"Very well. I shall bring one and then deliver it to its rightful recipient myself," the owl decided solemnly.

"Thank you, Jeaps," Alex said gratefully. "The rest of you ought to go as well. I'll be at the north office if anything comes up."

"I thought you said it was Sat'aday. Aren't you off to see the fledgelins?" Dodger asked.

"Not today, Dodger. I don't think I'm wanted over there," Alex confided as she got up. "Please return to your agents. Hopefully it'll be a quiet evening and I'll see you all on Monday."

"That would be a change," the brown owl hooted. The horned owl took off first and the rest followed with Dodger leading up the rear. Alex took a deep breath and then closed the windows, having no intention of delaying the inevitable any longer.

"The tough questions," Alex reminded herself out loud, stepping into the mist and then out into the maze.

Xavier, it seemed, was having his typical weekend morning for that time of year. After a rigorous exercise practicing defense moves in the conservatory, he had once retired to the drawing room near the fireplace, wearing comfortable clothes and staring at a book while his eyes were repeatedly threatening to close.

"Maybe it's the lack of circulation in here," Alex theorized out loud, making Xavier look around.

"Back already? That was a short visit. Did your mother show up early again?" Xavier asked before trying to find his place long enough to mark it.

"I didn't visit them today, actually," Alex admitted.

"What are you thinking, Alex? I know you have trouble with the man, but really, is that wise right now?" Xavier chided her.

"It's neither here nor there at the moment. I actually came back because I wanted to ask you about something," Alex said, sitting across from him. "Why did you ask me to dinner that first time?"

"To catch up on old times and talk about how Rel was doing," Xavier said with a shrug.

"All right, I can accept that," Alex decided with a nod. "What about the second time? Why did you ask me out then?"

"Because when it came time to call it a night, it was obvious that you still had a lot to say," Xavier snorted.

"That wasn't your reason for asking. That was my reason for accepting," Alex said. "But there were so many obstacles to asking me again. Once is acceptable, especially with Rel in the state, but two is a little…well… I was married with kids, and yes, I was separated from them but not out of choice."

"Alex, I hope you're not trying to imply that I took any sort of advantage of you. You did most of the talking that first night, and you accepted the invitation without any coercion."

"I know that, Xavier, and I don't think you were trying to take advantage of me, although you were taking advantage of the situation or you wouldn't have asked at all," Alex pointed out. "Were you hoping for a rekindled friendship, or something else?"

"Something else, of course," Xavier said. "I wanted what I've always been denied, namely you."

"Our splitting up wasn't my idea," Alex reminded him.

"It wasn't mine, either," Xavier said firmly. "I was a victim of my family's curse just as surely as you were a victim of your own talent. You might have been separated from your family, but I've been denied ever having one."

"No you haven't," Alex said, sitting next to him. "There's no reason you can't! Curse or no curse, your children would have advantages that no one else in your family ever has, namely you as a father. You may hate the situation between you and the goblins, but you don't hate the goblins, nor do you seek vengeance like your forefathers had. You can teach your children the same thing and break the cycle. If there is a will there's a way, you know, and you would have a lot of people supporting you if you decided to face the challenge… including Boulderdash… including me."

Xavier stared at her openly.

"Alex, I thought you had no intention of having any more children."

"I don't," Alex said, then noticed how Xavier was staring at her. "I guess I… must have meant someone else," she murmured in realization.

"Are you trying to break up with me or something?" he asked flatly.

"No! Actually, I came over to ask if I could move in with you," Alex admitted sheepishly.

"Then you have a very odd way of going about it," Xavier said. "What about Ben?"

"Oh, he kicked me out last night," Alex admitted with a nervous laugh. Xavier groaned. "So can I stay?"

"Sure, as long as you realize that nothing will change by it," Xavier said.

"I guess you mean no commitments and can leave at any time thing," Alex said with a sigh.

"Yes, although I think you owe it to yourself to try to make up with Ben at some point," Xavier said, picking up his book again. "Because I really don't think you want it to end like this."

"You do realize that if I make up with him we wouldn't be able to see each other again, right?" Alex said.

"Not necessarily true. Really, you're the only one who can truly decide that," Xavier said. "It's your life, and only you can determine what your needs are."

"You've told me that many times before," Alex sighed. "In some ways, that's rather what got me into this. I was so lost when we met again, Xavier. I was doing everything for everyone but myself. You reminded me that I had needs too. And I did need you, Xavier. Not that that makes it right, really."

"It can't be wrong if you needed it," Xavier said. Alex propped her head in her hand.

"I'm having trouble arguing that point," Alex admitted.

"Then don't try," Xavier said, leaning over and kissing her. "Now, why don't you get the rest of your things? And be polite, you're still married to him, after all."

"But for how long?" Alex murmured.

"If you're lucky, the rest of your life," Xavier said, getting comfortable in his chair again and turning the page. "But I'll be here for you anytime you need me."

"Thanks," Alex said. "I'll be back in about an hour."

"I'll have lunch ordered and we can eat on the greenhouse terrace when you return," Xavier said.

"Sounds great," Alex said with a wan smile before walking over to put her gloves and hat on again.

She fiddled with the key in her pocket distractedly before finally pulling it out and grabbing the handle, watching as the ornate entryway melted away. White swirled everywhere around her until her feet landed and she blinked, finding herself standing on the snowy doorstep of her father's house. Timidly she decided to knock first, but after progressively knocking louder for a few minutes, she finally gave up and let herself in.

"Hullo! Anyone home?" Alex called out before walking to the back steps, but this time it appeared that Ben wasn't in the library. "I guess not. I wonder what he was doing in the library?" she asked herself out loud. "I suppose I ought to be relieved he isn't here. I can just get my things and go without a scene. And yet I wish…" she caught herself then, exhaling instead before quickly turning and going up to their room. Immediately she went to the closet to get out an old suitcase when she noticed two others were missing.

Her stomach dropped. Had he left then? But no, all of his things were still here, she realized, and even a couple of robes she hadn't ever seen before. On a hunch and with a chill going through her, she hurried to Rus and Jay's room to find that a great deal of their clothing, blankets and favorite toys were gone.

"What is going on?" Alex asked herself in a panic. "Why would their things be gone and not Ben's? But Muggles do pack slow, so maybe he just packed them first and he's moving them out!" Alex stared at the room for a moment before she hit her fist against her hand. "Mum usually comes over to teach Jay on Saturdays. Maybe she knows something I don't… talking to her right now is going to be hard, but perhaps I needn't talk to her in person."

Alex hurried down the stairs and into the front room, a fire blazing to life in the hearth with a simple wave of her hand. "Show me Hogwarts. I want to speak to my mother. Sitting room," she said, taking out her wand and making a complex motion with it before aiming it towards the fireplace.

Alex folded her arms and stared into the fire and concentrated but nothing seemed to happen. She changed her focus to her father's sitting room then, and thought she saw something begin to form in the flames when they suddenly snuffed out.

"That's odd," Alex said, a bit baffled as she tossed a couple more logs on the fire and relit it, waiting for it to strengthen before trying a second time. Again the fire weakened, but at the last moment it seemed to spark. Hot embers seemed to fade then grow brighter until they finally seemed to ignite again. She blinked in surprise, and then found herself staring at the fiery image of her father's head.

"Oh, it's you," he said simply.

"What was all that sputtering in the fire? Some new security measure you forgot to tell us about?" Alex asked.

"No, I simply had to pull Quintin into the Study. What do you need?" Severus asked.

"Need?" Alex repeated blankly.

"I assume you need something. Normally you bother me on that annoying shell rather than flame."

"Actually, I was looking for Mum," Alex admitted.

"You just missed her, I believe. She decided to take Llewellyn and Fortuna to New York for the day," Severus explained.

"But I thought she came over here on Saturdays to teach Jay!"

"Yes, but Ben sent an Owl letting her know he was taking them to his sister's for the weekend."

"Oh, is that all!" Alex said with open relief. "And here I was thinking the worst. I should have known better, really."

"And just what do you mean by 'the worst,' may I ask?" Severus asked suspiciously.

"I don't know… that they might have been in danger, or just decided to move out of the house…"

"I see. Any reason why he would?" Severus asked.

"Ben threw me out last night," Alex admitted glumly.

"Then why would he bother to leave?"

"Oh. Good point," Alex said sheepishly.

"So you finally got around to telling him what was going on, did you?" Severus asked evenly.

"No, actually I didn't get that far," Alex said with a sigh. "He threw me out right after I came in and asked if we could have a talk. He didn't want to have anything to do with it." Severus furrowed his fiery brows.

"That is oddly out of character."

"I know. I guess he must have heard something, because when I told him that I'd come early to talk, he got extremely upset and asked me why I wanted to talk now instead of a week ago, then told me to get out of the house and not come back," Alex said.

"That doesn't sound like Benjamin," Severus said, his voice sounding strange. "That sounds like something Jennifer would do if she were in some sort of trouble."

"Well, Ben isn't Mum, and he would have told me if he were in trouble," Alex argued.

"He wouldn't have if you were at odds. He wouldn't have if he thought you were going to get hurt by knowing," Severus said thoughtfully. "Were the children there last night?"

"I'm not completely sure now. It was after bedtime and I didn't make it upstairs…"

"Did he seem angry at you or just upset?" he interrupted impatiently.

"Upset, mostly. He didn't get angry at me until I didn't leave fast enough to suit him," Alex said miserably. "He half-dragged, half-pushed me out the door."

"Someone must be watching the house," he said with alarm. "Where are you?"

"In the living room," Alex said, quickly grabbing her cloak.

"Then get out at once and don't come back until we… no, you fool! Use floo powder or a key, not the door!" Severus barked, but it was too late.

Alex had already dashed out the door and out into the street, hurrying to her car to pick up Jay and Rus from Ben's sister's house. But she had barely touched the handle when a paralyzation spell hit her from above. She flicked her eyes upward, catching a glimpse of two horses; one roan and one white.

"Good afternoon, Minister," sneered the wizard on the roan horse. "We've been expecting you."