Lincoln, Lori, & Lincoln reacts to: 10 Weirdest Animal Mating Rituals!

"Hey, what's up, everyone?" Lincoln added some cool gesture to his stale introduction.

"Can you even high your energy, Lincoln?" Lynn wasn't impressed at the presentation of her brother.

"That's the highest voice I can do, you know." Lincoln retorted.

"Guys, quit your argument and let's get to the reactions." Lori acted as an enforcer to prevent any future mishap from the two. "Did you know that this is my first time reacting to a video?"

"Oh…" Both Lynn and Lincoln cooed sarcastically at the achievement of their older sister.

"You know that Bobby wants to see me reacting to something, right?"

"Right…" Lincoln replied nonchalantly.

"I think we should go straight to the video…" Lynn suggested. "…10 Weirdest Animal Mating Rituals?"

"I think I should go out and—" Lincoln attempts to walk out of them but both Lori and Lynn grabbed his both arms.

"Oh no, you don't! It says from the viewer that you should watch with us!" Lori resisted under Lincoln's arms and releases it immediately.

"Alright, alright." Lincoln waved Lori off. "I think this video will be so uncomfortable to watch."

"Don't worry, Lincoln! It's just a video, they can't actually show the 'main event'." Lynn stated.

Lincoln only nodded but has a hint of fear showing on his face.

"Alright, I'll play it now." Lori promptly clicked the play button to start the video.

The video started with the host, Matthew Santoro, popping up from out of nowhere.

"Oh, God!" Lincoln startled at the sudden appearance of the narrator.

"Hey, you wanna go on a date?" Matthew asked in a funny accent. "Let me impress you with my poop!" He then showed a poop emoji pillow.

"Okay, so that sounded weird, and obviously a woman could never go away with something like that, but believe it or not, there are not animals that do something very similar to that, and much weirder."

"The host's good so far," Lori said, making Lynn agreeing to her statement.

"Here are the 10 weirdest animal mating rituals!"

"Number 10 is the red-sided gartered snake…"

"Hey! I love this snake now!" Lynn admitted when she looks upon the skin color of the reptile.

"Just because it's red?" Lincoln asked.

Lynn shrugged. "Couldn't agree more!"

"The red-sided garter snake, native to the United States and Canada, can have some massive breeding sessions during their mating season. Areas of Manitoba, Canada are known to get up to 10,000 of them at any time!"

All of the reactors widened their eyes at the image of the den of snakes.

"That's a lot! You know I could faint at them when they're close to me?!" Lori reacted wildly.

"Ooh, that sounds like a challenge, but I guess I needed a bit of advice to Lana." Lynn simply said.

"The only problem is the female-to-male ratio can sometimes enter the 1-to-100 range during these snake orgies."

"You mean they…" Lincoln paused and mimicked a forbidden gesture to both girls who nodded. "…good grief!"

Every pause earned a hiss as he mimics the snake's unusual activity. "No, it's my turn. Give me a second, I'm going at it!"

Lori chuckled and gets the joke quickly.

"This massive snake fest turns into a violent race for first copulation, with hordes of males swarming a single female and forming a large, writhing ball of eager snakes around her. And if she isn't powerful enough to escape the crowd, she could become too constricted and die."

"So that means they fight for one single female?" Lynn asked.

"Yup," Lori answered with a bob of her head.

"Now that's what I call a riot!"

"The males are actually more drawn to a female if she's being engaged by other males, rather than if she was alone, meaning that part of the attraction is the struggle itself. You know how humans want what we can't have? Well, it's basically the same thing, if 100 guys were swarming a female, which would be disturbing."

"That's kind of distressing when you think of that," Lori said.

"Nope! Not gonna freak out!" Lincoln said to himself loudly.

"Are you alright, Lincoln?" Lynn asked.

"Number nine is the bowerbird!"

Lori notices the color of the aforementioned bird. "That eyes looked so… real!"

"Bowerbirds, native to Australia and New Guinea have an exceptionally labor-intensive mating ritual. To attract females, the male bowerbirds must first build small hut or monument for the mating area, which commonly consists of two walls formed like a tunnel hole. These bowers are made with tons of little twigs and an acute attention to detail."

"Wow! They're too creative to make a room for themselves!" Lori exclaimed.

"They're probably like engineers!" Lynn added.

Matthew mocks the bird's chirping sound, every time he pauses. "Don't bother me, I'm building a love nest."

"Are those berries?" Lincoln questions the image that showed up in the video.

"Blueberries, yes. Looks like they make a storage out of it." Lori assumed.

"Once the bower is complete, the male must decorate his new place with colorful items, often stealing them from other males, and position them on the ground in front of it."

Lynn cackled. "Really? Stealing berries? I like their way of living."

"If he's proven himself to be a talented constructor and decorator, a female will drop in to examine his work. If everything is to her satisfaction, the male will then perform a full dance routine in front of her, complete with movement, posing, dilating pupils, staring, and strange guttural noises."

"Wow! That's a lot! I can't believe they are so dedicated to themselves!" Lincoln was impressed by how male birds interacts to the female birds.

"From their ritual, this is sounded like a reality show? The dancing? The judging? That's all in all!" Lori said.

"That's actually nice to hear about it." Lynn simply added.

Cawing sounds were used when Matthew pauses. "You ready, baby, I'm dancing for you? Let's do this thing!"

Both Lynn and Lori chuckled at the mimicking joke of the host, with Lynn saying. "That's funny!"

"Number eight is the Mandarin fish. Mandarin fish live in the coral reefs of the Pacific Ocean."

"Wait, that looks like the fish on the movie… which I forgot the name." Lincoln recognizes the appearance of the said fish but failed to recall the identity of that fish.

"When mating, the male and female join together and rise above the reef to create a small cloud of eggs and a cloud of sperm to fertilize them."

"Really? It isn't that… disgusting?" Lori is unsure of what to describe this situation.

"As nature dictates, it's usually the larger and tougher Mandarin fish that breed with the females, leaving the smaller fish with no way to further the family line."

"What?! Really? I feel bad for the smaller guys, they can't get the pass." Lynn felt sad when hearing about the sad story about the poor fishes.

"But some of the smaller fish have figured out how to bypass all the competition with all the other males and hijack a few fertilizations for themselves without ever having to put effort into courting the female. The cloud of egg and sperm that's left floating will sometimes become the victim of a, for lack of a better term, swim-by shooting!"

Lynn imitated a gun sound and gestured a gun to make it relevant to the topic.

"In other words, the single males swim by and add some of their own sperm to the cloud. Some will wait until a couple is in the process of mating, and then ambush them with a… you know, a little." Matthew made a squirting sound. "Woo, gotta get in their quick!"

"Whoa! That's badass!" Lynn exclaimed.

"Cheating in a liquid? Geez." Lori became horrified in realization.

"Ugh! That sounded so bad when imagining it." Lincoln grimaced.

"Number seven are bonobos. Bonobos are kind of like the free-spirited hippies of the chimpanzee family, man, and are only found in the Democratic Republic of Congo in Africa. Bonobo groups are primarily led by dominant females who also take on the sole responsibility of raising any young that they produce."

"Females leading the way? Now, that's what I'm talking about!" Lynn approved this kind of a system.

"Wow, I should take notes from them." Lori mumbling to herself.

"Though they bear great responsibilities, they also lead fairly happy lives filled with sexual encounters."

"Except they showed a picture of them… making out!" Lincoln was livid out of his seat.

"Alright, I'll take back what I said earlier," Lori said.

"Me either." Lynn with the same sentiment as Lori.

"Bonobos actually approach sex in a casual and noncommittal way by using it as a technique to unwind, calm down after a fight, even just say hello. Imagine if humans were like that."

"Hey, I just wanted to say hi," Matthew grunted.

Both Lori and Lynn laughed when Matthew did a goofy impression of the monkey.

"That's so ridiculous!" Lori exclaimed.

"They also engage in sexual acts regularly with multiple partners and even same-sex partners because this type of monkey love knows no bounds and does not discriminate! Bonobos have been observed displaying oddly human-like signs of affection, including cuddling, facing each other while mating, and making out. Imagine two monkeys making out, I wouldn't know if they were kissing or trying to eat others face." Matthew shrieked afterward.

"Not that surprising of a fact that monkeys do that," Lori stated.

"Now I can imagine it out of my mind!" Lincoln said in an insane state, grabbing his hair forcefully.

"Calm down, Lincoln. You know that's going to happen anyways." Lynn said.

"Ahhhh!"

"Shush, twerp! We're trying to react here, you know?" Lori made Lincoln silent after taking a sermon.

"Number six are hippos. Hippos are big, adorable members of African wildlife and are commonly known for swimming around and making mud baths. But their bad hygiene gets dialed up to 11 when the ladies come around, and their vile behavior becomes a way of saying, 'Hey, check me out!'"

"That's Lana in the future," Lincoln said, making others chuckled at his silly joke.

"So you might be wondering, 'Matt how does a hippo mark their territory and make themselves an attractive mate? I gots to know.' Well, obviously by taking an enormous dump while making a helicopter motion with his tail, flinging it everywhere and peeing while it's happening! I don't think I can ever play Hungry, Hungry Hippos again."

All of them cringed at the story and Lincoln almost throw up.

"Yep, it is Lana's likings," Lori said while coughing.

"I hope it doesn't happen to her," Lynn added.

When Lynn utter those words, Lincoln resist throwing off and fought it.

"LYNN! There are kids watching!" Lori hollered.

"Hopefully, the horrid smell is enough to draw in a suitable mate that will join the male in the water, where they will float and position themselves."

"Okay, get ready, I just pooped!" Matt imitates the hippo accurately.

"Doing it in the water allows the male to mount easier, but leaves the female submerged under his weight during the process, which can be not dangerous if she doesn't take a breath. Again, imagine a human doing all that. You're welcome for the visual."

"Not gonna do that at all… literally." Lori crossed her arms.

"That almost made me sick, not gonna lie," Lynn confessed.

"Number five are honey bees. The world's population of honey bees is declining fast. And while the use of pesticides contributes the most towards their demise, um, the fact that their junk explodes and kills them doesn't help much either!"

"Really? That sounds… weird?" Lori has difficulties describing the bee's struggles.

"When the honey bee is ready to reproduce, she's surrounded by many male drone bees who will attempt to mate with her. And that sounds great, except that, when one of the drones succeeds, his endophallus will rip off his body upon climax and stay inside the queen." Matt heaved in reaction.

"Oof, just for one session and your life is in danger? That's crazy, bro!" Lynn impressed by this situation.

"That's kinda declining them, right?" Lincoln asked.

"Ironic." Lori simply said.

"This rips out part of the drone's insides and causes them to die in the most unpleasant way. However, if the now castrated drone somehow manages to survive the horrible ordeal, he's quickly banished from the colony and left to die. And in the most savage way, his drone brothers will also attempt to mate with the queen by scooping out whoever's exploded dong was left behind and replacing it with their own before, um, also dying!"

"This episode is just full of wonderful visuals. Exploded dong? Don't mind if I do!"

"Oh, god! That's so bad to picture it!" Lori hesitated on not picturing anything about the topic.

"That's just mean for the dead!" Lynn complained.

"That felt so weird if you think about that!" Lincoln added.

"Number four are giraffes. Giraffes, found throughout Southern and Eastern Africa, have some strange ideas of what is socially acceptable when looking for a mate. When male giraffes are in the mood, they'll follow a female around until they can get a good taste of their urine."

The last sentence made all of them felt disgusted, heavily for Lori and Lincoln.

"I guess… that's a… good thing?" Lynn paused and unsure of her words.

"In a disgusting act of sexual investigation, they'll drink the female's fresh urine to taste for estrous, which signifies that her body is ready to receive the male. Once the male has taken a sample that he finds to be desirable, he will attempt to woo the female by nudging her with his head, resting on her body or licking her tail."

"And he does all that with the pee mouth? Okay, great."

They kept their weirded out of a face. Lori's eyes were twitching and became irked.

"You know that this is how I debut, huh?" Lori said between her gritting teeth. "Okay, people. I hate you!"

"Once she gives in and accepts the male, he does the deed and sets off in search of another well-hydrated female to stalk. Man, these giraffes just get busy! A giraffe pregnancy can last between 400 and 460 days! And then the calf is born, destined to grow up and repeat the cycle of weirdness."

"We're definitely lucky that we're not a giraffe." Lincoln simply thanked the heavens, which both girls had to agree on.

"Number three are argonauts. Male argonauts live their lives with very little regard for their own reproductive organs. Argonauts are small octopi that live in tropical areas of the open ocean and are also known as paper nautiluses. The amazing thing about these creatures is that the male will use a special tentacle arm called a hectocotylus to transfer his sperm to the female.

"Gentlemen, this is only for the creatures! Don't ever go up to a woman and be like, 'You wanna see my hectocotylus?" Matt then imitates a funny accent.

"Okay, I can live with this." Lincoln felt relieved when the story sounded safer than the other animals.

"That is cool, to be honest." Lynn overwhelmed by the story.

"But once the arm is inserted in her, he'll rip it off his own body and leave it there to continue delivering his seed. Yes, these octopi essentially insert and detach their own genitalia, and just move on like nothing ever happened."

"Wow, this is like some fairy tale thing to do." Lori compared the fictional situation to a genuine one.

"Keep in mind this is a little odd, given the fact that penises don't grow in endless supply. The males have a fairly short lifespan, with only about two weeks, which actually puts the whole sperm throwing and running into perspective a little better."

"Sorry, but…" Matt grunted. "I gotta get that done, I'm gonna die soon!"

"And now I felt so bad about them," Lori admitted.

"That's the only thing that I ain't disgusted about and it's actually kinda nice to learn something," Lincoln added.

"Now that made me watch some violent movies!" Lynn went craving over to some crazy stuff.

"Not this time, Lynn! That could go later." Lori stopped Lynn on her tracks, making the latter frown and crossed her arms.

"Number two is the flatworm. Turbellaria flatworms look like flat, colorful slugs that flop and twist around in the water and participate in some pretty disturbing sword fights. They're hermaphroditic, and their mating process starts off as a fight to be the father. The flatworms use their dual penises as a weapon to try to make a deep enough incision to inseminate the other in an act more commonly known as penis fencing."

"Okay, here we go, you're gonna get pregnant!" Matt said as he wiggles like a worm.

"Another one of these?" Lynn asked. "Awesome!"

"They have two underneath?" Lori gulped in horror. "Now, I wish I could unsee and imagining this." Lori hoped to the stars.

"A match can last a whole hour before one of the flatworms loses and wiggles away with a whole set of upcoming children to provide for. The reason for the violent penis gouging is because both worms are capable of producing children and would both prefer to be the one to spread their seed and move on without having to raise their children."

"Man, this ritual sure does make a traumatic How I Met Your Father story for the kiddies."

"That's kinda rude. Why won't you take care of your babies?" Lincoln was in outrage when hearing the sad story.

"A battle for becoming the lazy worm? That sounds so exactly ironic!" Lynn exclaimed.

"Wow, I gotta tell Lana not to see that kind of worms," Lori said. "Those worms are cruel to the society! Or the animal kingdom!"

"And number one is the angler fish."

Both Lori and Lincoln screamed in fear as they met their eyes to the picture of the intimidating creature. While Lynn yawned only in reaction.

"Oh, that fish?" She snorted. "It ain't dangerous!"

"You've probably seen the angler fish before. They're those creepy, deep sea-dwelling creatures that use a small glowing lure on their head to trick their prey."

Another frightening picture of the said fish popped up and both Lori and Lincoln were cuddling to one another. While Lynn stared at them blankly and shrugs it off to continue watching.

"Every single terrifying example that you've likely seen of this fish was female. Male angler fish are actually very small in comparison and do not look anywhere near as intimidating as a fully grown female."

"The females are the intimidating ones?" Lynn asked herself. "Yes! Now I'm loving this video!"

"In fact, the males are so useless that their own method of surviving long enough to reproduce is for them to bite and latch onto the female for life. After their grip is secured, the males release enzymes that will literally fuse their bodies with the females, turning them basically into a sentient tumor and allowing them to feed off the nutrients that the female ingests after a long day of hunting."

"This is like a monster movie but female dominates… that's kinda weird if you put it on reality." Lincoln said.

"Now I can imagine that! That sounded cool!" Lynn looked up and pictured the situation clearly.

"Literally, the male's only purpose is to create sperm so that the female can fertilize her eggs, and other than that he just breathes with his gills."

"Come on, male angler fish, I know you got more in you! Do something nice for the fishy community!" Matthew imitated a comical accent. "Don't just be a sentient tumor, that's disturbing."

"That is so weird!" Lincoln reacted in bewilderment. "That's crazy! Man is just lurking around the bossy woman?!"

"Sometimes, us girls just had to step up on our game." Lynn jerked her thumb to prove her point. "Nature can't be a fan of boys only."

"I have to agree on that, Lincoln. Let the woman give a chance." Lori approving the jock's remark.

This marks the end of the video as Matthew Santoro was giving out his end credits. Lori stopped the video for good.

"Alright, that was the video! That was a wild ride!" Lori admitted.

"Yeah, I never thought how those animals living and making a child, in the bizarre way possible," Lynn said. "Now that's what I wanted to see for the meantime."

"I mean the others were gross and… disgusting! I don't want even to see them throwing tinkles in your face and… uh-oh…"

Lincoln accidentally spilled the illicit words and started to gag up, he proceeded swiftly to the bathroom.

"Lincoln really had problems right now," Lynn said then gazes to Lori. "I think we should do the ending."

"Right…" Lori nervously chuckled.

Lynn coughed and began speaking. "That's all for this edition's reaction video. If you loved it, then like and follow us for more of these reactions!"

"Subscribe to us for more Loud stuff!" Lori grinned to the camera. "As always, goodbye!"

Both waved in front of the camera but was momentarily stopped when a loud gagging noise echoed throughout the house. Lori grimaced and became pale, she went upstairs and she was knocking the door continuously.

"Lincoln! Open… this… door! Or I'll turn you… into… a… human…" Before she could say the final word, the door opened and her gagging made outside through the room.

Lynn cringed at the sound but didn't show any signs of slowing down.

"Wow, they had a stomach of a snail." She then chuckled. "Anyways, see ya soon!"

She turned off the camera to end the video.