Chapter 37 – A Perfectly Beautiful Monster

"Carlisle, I think we should make a start on cleaning up the spare room and seeing what needs repairing or replacing," I said to Carlisle. "I'd like to get it done as soon as possible so that we can settle in."

Carlisle and I went up the stairs and stood in the doorway of the spare room, surveying the carnage. There wasn't a wall left intact, and all the furniture looked as though it had been through an earthquake, tornado and then termite attack.

"Well," I said at last, "I think we can safely say that everything needs replacing." I couldn't hold back my giggles, still completely astonished at the destruction that had been caused by a girl who looked so angelic.

Carlisle laughed too, and embraced me, pressing tight against me and kissing my hair. "Sweetness, thank you for taking everything so well. I know you didn't ask for this, and not only have I given you so much extra responsibility but she's destroying your house at the same time!"

"Oh hush!" I laughed. "It's fine, honestly it is. Now, let's clean this all up."

Thanks to vampire speed the clean up didn't take too long, although the rubble did fill all the trashcans and several sacks. We stacked them outside for disposal later, and then I took Carlisle's hand.

"We must take our things out of the room. Rosalie needs a place of her own, and the sooner we can help her feel comfortable the better." I bit my lip and then said in a rush, "I want her to stay Carlisle. I know she seems…difficult, but I just feel so terribly sorry for her! I remember her of course, and it's a tragedy that her human life should be been cut short at all, let alone to end as it did. And I knowwhat it's like to be hurt by someone you should be able to trust… Of course what I went through with Charles wasn't the same, but I can't help but feel a connection to her. I want to help her find a better life, the way you helped me." I rested my head against his chest, my beautiful archangel doctor who had changed my world for the better just by being in it.

Carlisle wrapped his arms around me and kissed me tenderly. "I'll do what I can to make her comfortable here," he promised me, and smiled down at me as he knocked on the door of our old bedroom.

Rosalie was sitting cross legged on the bed when we entered, my jewellery box in front of her as she looked through the things inside. She raised her head at our entrance, glaring with a kind of angry defensiveness. "I'm not stealing anything!" she said loudly to Carlisle. "She…Esme…said I could look."

"Of course you can look!" I said cheerfully, hoping to defuse the tension. "If you'd like to wear anything you're welcome to do so."

I left Carlisle to begin moving our clothes, and I sat a little hesitantly on the bed beside Rosalie. "This is one of the first things Carlisle ever gave me," I said, pointing to the delicate silver chain with the drop pearl pendant that Rosalie held in her hand.

She didn't seem unhappy that I was sitting with her, and emboldened I went on, lifting out a pair of solid gold scarab beetle earrings that I had always loathed. "These were sent to my by an Egyptian friend of Carlisle's…"

Rosalie looked at them incredulously. "They're horrific," she said bluntly, and I threw back my head with a laugh.

"I've always thought the same thing! They're probably ancient and worth a fortune, but I've never worn them!"

Rosalie gave a sudden girlish giggle, and my heart caught at the bell-like sound of it and the sheer beauty of her face when it was lit up with a smile.

"This is pretty though," she said, touching another necklace.

"Edward gave that to me when I married Carlisle," I told her. "It was his mother's, so it was very special that he gave it to me."

"Were you married properly? In a church?" Rosalie asked hesitantly.

I nodded. "Yes. We did have to have false birth certificates to get the marriage license, but it was a traditional wedding ceremony."

Rosalie shifted restlessly. "It doesn't make sense. All the things like weddings and being a doctor and playing the piano, and then going out and…killing."

For the first time I dared to touch her, laying my hands gently over hers. "You will learn to accept it for what it is," I said simply. "We're vampires, but we're still just trying to be happy and live the best lives we can in the circumstances."

Rosalie looked at me, and she didn't bother to try and hide the confused mix of grief and unhappiness and fear that flickered over her face.

I smiled again and squeezed her hand. "Just give it time." Going over to the dresser I picked up another velvet jewel box and opened it to show Rosalie the delicate silver tiara Carlisle once bought for me to wear to a ball. Just as I thought, Rosalie loved it and allowed me to quickly brush and pin up her hair so she could see what it looked like.

I saw Carlisle's face as he entered the room and saw her with her beautiful face alight with her smile. I saw the flicker of relief and maybe a slight lightening of his heart as Rosalie turned to me and exclaimed happily, "Oh Esme, it's so pretty!"

I tucked a last blonde lock into place and then gestured to the mirror. "Go and look!" I urged.

Rosalie moved to stand in front of the mirror in a blur of vampire speed, and then stood and stared at her reflection. A heaviness settled in my stomach as her smile disappeared and a cold blankness took its place.

"I look perfect," she said flatly. "There isn't anyone in the world more beautiful than me."

That's certainly true. Why doesn't it make you happy?

Rosalie reached towards the mirror and touched her reflection with a delicate finger. "My eyes…"

"The colour will change," I told her, moving closer as I remembered my own horror at seeing that vivid red staring back at me for the first time. "We're all born to vampire life with red eyes, but if you maintain the animal diet the colour will become something like mine and Carlisle's and Edward's. Still not quite human, but close enough."

Rosalie moved closer to the mirror, but as she did a shaft of sunlight fell onto her and she saw the otherworldly, reflecting shimmer of her skin. I wouldn't have thought it possible but she seemed to tighten up even more as she sucked in a breath of air.

"What is that?"

"It's how your skin reacts to the sunlight now," I answered quietly.

Rosalie took two waltzing steps into the sunlight and then stared at Carlisle, her eyes burning as her exposed skin glittered. "And it will always do this? Whenever I stand in the sunlight the light will reflect like this? And I'm supposed to hide what I am now."

Carlisle's face held the sorrow of centuries as he looked back at her steadily and answered, "Yes."

With superhuman grace Rosalie turned back to the mirror, and her perfect, reflected visage shattered into pieces and disappeared as she smashed it with her bare hands. "I hate you," she hissed, a venomous sound in the quiet room. "I hate you for what you've done to me…get away from me now."

Carlisle and I had no choice but to step quietly out of the room. A moment later I couldn't help wincing as Rosalie slammed the door, once again not tempering her vampire strength so that the door frame cracked under the force and the door itself flew into the hall and smashed into the plasterboard wall opposite.

Oh my goodness, my HOUSE!

Rosalie screamed again and there was the sound of something else breaking the bedroom before she stormed out and stood in front of us, shaking with helpless rage. "I can't even close a door! I hate this, I hate you, I HATE YOU!"

I didn't think I'd ever known someone with such a temper. Certainly as a newborn vampire she would have less control over herself than usual, but even so this was getting ridiculous!

"I understand that you're angry," I said to her calmly. "I understand that you want to lash out, but please Rosalie, try and leave the house intact."

Rosalie tossed her head back furiously, but at least made an effort to be calm when she said through gritted teeth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to break that."

"You just need to get used to what you can do now. Lean to harness your new strength and use it appropriately, and learn to act like a human when you need to." I tried to sound upbeat, as though I thought all this would happen naturally and easily despite the doubts running through my head. Rosalie was so intransigent! At that time though I noticed her compulsive swallowing. "Although that can probably wait. I expect you're thirsty now."

"Yes." It was a feral snarl.

"Let's go out hunting then," Carlisle said to her, gently touching my cheek in silent thanks for helping him with her. "That's the most important thing for you to learn."

Rosalie's face was taut. "Hunting. You want me to go out and hunt and kill some animal?"

Carlisle sighed. "Yes. You're thirsty, and blood is what you need now to keep you strong and healthy. I brought you the animals yesterday, but that was only for your first time. You need to learn to do this, Rosalie."

"And if I don't want to?" she spat.

"Then you're going to be very, very uncomfortable. Blood is the only thing your body will tolerate now, and that burning you feel in your throat isn't going to go away until you feed." Carlisle shrugged.

It sounded heartless, but it was true and it was something that Rosalie had to accept. All of her rage, all of her tantrums and refusals to listen and learn…none it would make any difference in the end. She was a vampire, and there were new rules now.

Rosalie must have been aware of it, on some level, because she gave me one last frightened, frustrated look but followed Carlisle out of the house.

Edward appeared upstairs, glancing from the destroyed spare room to the damaged wall in the hallway. "One room wasn't enough? She's trashing the hallway now?"

I sighed. "It was an accident. She's not used to her new strength yet."

"I hope she calms down soon," Edward muttered. "I know you think I'm being needlessly mean, but I can hear her mind constantly and she's so difficult to be near!"

I patted his arm consolingly. "I'm sure she'll settle down soon. She smiled before, and talked to me reasonably…at least it's a start!"

"She hates Carlisle and I, and she doesn't trust any of us," Edward said bluntly. "She sees you as vaguely acceptable because you're a woman and because there isn't anyone else."

I shrugged. "That's not surprising. She's not making an effort to conceal her emotions- she seems to be very straightforward and honest which is a positive trait."

Edward laughed, a little incredulously. "Esme, you have the most extraordinary ability to see the best in anyone!"

"Why shouldn't I look for her good points?" I shook my head in exasperation. "For goodness' sake Edward, the girl was raped and beaten nearly to death…are you really going to judge her harshly for not trusting us?"

Edward flinched. "I know…god, I know how horrible what happened to her was! I'll try to be helpful and kind to her, as much as I can, but it's hard to listen to all that anger and desire for revenge."

"She'll let that go," I said, with careless confidence. "Once she's calmed down and learned that she can trust us, once she finds some things she enjoys about this new life, she'll let go of her vengeful thoughts."

I didn't know, then, that Rosalie would never let go of anything.

I was surprised by Rosalie's insistence on going out and testing her ability to resist human blood after she and Carlisle returned from hunting. As a newborn I had been so reluctant to challenge myself with that risk, but Rosalie was bound and determined to conquer everything. We explained the temptation, and warned her that we would stop her with force if it became necessary, and still she insisted on all of us going out in the twilight.

"Why are you so slow?" Rosalie's first few steps took her right across the yard and into the trees before Carlisle, Edward and I had even stepped off the porch.

"We're not slow, you're being too fast," Edward answered. "We're walking at a perfectly normal human pace- you're walking at a vampire pace."

Rosalie's eyes were intent as she watched Edwards walk towards her, although she curled up her lip in disgust as she said, "I have to learn to walk again?"

"Not exactly," I said, quick to reassure her. "But there are a few little tricks you need to keep in mind when it comes to blending in with the human world. Mistakes don't matter here at home, but it could be very awkward if humans notice any of the little things."

"Like what?" Rosalie demands.

Carlisle joined the conversation. "Movement. We'll start with that. We try and do most things at a normal human pace so that it becomes second nature to slow your movements and temper your strength. When you're walking, stroll instead of striding out as you've been doing and that will keep your pace slow. Slow down all your movements."

As I drew closer to Rosalie she fell into step beside me, keeping pace. I saw her frustration mount as she realised how much effort it was going to take to conceal her true nature now.

"That's good Rosalie," I said to encourage her. "Nice and even pace. Now, the next thing is to make it seem more naturally human. As a vampire you're capable of extreme stillness- it is natural for us to be completely motionless, but of course humans don't do that." Rosalie looked unconvinced, so I went on brightly, "See how Edward has his hands in his pockets? Notice how Carlisle's arms move slightly unevenly…it sounds silly when you point it out, but it's the absence of such little movements that people instinctively notice and that make them wary of you. Try and relax yourself a little. You'll look more natural if your back is a little less stiff, and perhaps you should drop your shoulders a little."

I hoped she would take my suggestions as helpful ideas rather than criticisms, and I was pleased when a moment later I saw her trying to relax her painfully tense, upright stance and the tight set of her shoulders.

Unfortunately, Edward found her awkwardness funny and didn't hold back his low laugh. I don't think he meant anything cruel by it, but Rosalie's hackles rose and quick as a whip she turned and slammed her hands into his chest, sending him flying.

Edward landed like a cat, almost spitting with rage. "Don't hit me!"

"Don't you laugh at me!" she snarled back.

"Children!" I exclaimed, completely fed up with both of them. They were behaving like schoolchildren, Edward seeming to deliberately needle her and Rosalie flying off the handle at the slightest provocation. "Edward, if you can't be helpful then just be quiet. Rosalie…you can't hit anyone. Ever. If you had struck a human like that you would have killed them. Even if you only used a fraction of your strength it is too easy to misjudge and break bones."

"It's that easy then? To kill someone?" Rosalie's voice was hard, and her eyes glittered.

I couldn't help but recoil, feeling a sick sense of dread. What was going to happen with this girl? Was she really so full of hatred and anger that nothing we could do would be enough for her?

Edward rolled his eyes. "Yes, it's that easy. But you're a newborn…you wouldn't be able to get within striking distance before you were overcome by bloodlust and you'd bite them."

"I wouldn't," Rosalie said in assured tones.

Edward's lip curled up in an amused grin as he said lightly, "I guess we'll see when we get closer to a human."

And when the moment came, Rosalie was right. She stood straight in the face of the scent of human blood, every instinct screaming at her to run and pounce and feed, and she held herself rigid. She faced down the monster of her own vampire thirst and desire and she didn't break. I saw the surprise and admiration of Edward and Carlisle as they watched her and I felt a whisper of shame that I had not been able to do the same as a newborn.

I looked at Rosalie, standing tall and arrogant even in the face of the dehumanising temptation of blood, and I wondered just what kind of vampire Carlisle had created from this broken, beautiful girl.