Jackson's Feelings
Disclaimer - Emmerdale & its characters do not belong to me, they belong to ITV
A/N - Don't know where this came from but it's A-Z of Jackson's feelings, throughout his relationship with Aaron.
Anything
The sad thing for him is, he knows he'd do anything for him, and if he had to choose between himself being paralysed or Aaron, he'd choose himself.
Bar West
It's where they first met, it's where they continued to go, before they got together and after, it would always be, there place.
Court
He hadn't planned on turning up to court that day, he didn't want anything to do with Aaron but before he knew it, he was walking through the front doors. Aaron needed him.
Date
He still remembers their first "date" although, if you to asked Aaron way back then he wouldn't have admitted to it being a date but it was and Jackson loved every single second of it. Until Aaron got the wrong end of the stick and ran out of the bar.
Everything
Aaron is his everything, he's keeps him going, without him Jackson is sure he would have given up long ago.
Fight
Their relationship, looking in from the outside would look like one big fight, but it wasn't. Not really. Fighting only meant they had to make up and they did that much better than they fought.
Gay
If he could choose, he'd choose not to be Gay but at the same time he wonders if this is true because if he wasn't Gay would he have ever met Aaron?
Holiday
He'd booked a holiday to give Aaron space, in the end Aaron came with him. He's glad he did because that holiday, that holiday proved to him that he was right not to heed his friends' warnings.
Incurable
He knows he'll never be fixed. He hates it. He hates himself for causing it to happen.
Jealous
In their whole relationship, pre accident Jackson had never been jealous. He'd never had reason to, but now, now he was jealous. Now he hated a guy he had never met with a passion.
Kiss
He knew that if they were ever going to have their first kiss, he would have to instigate it. He hadn't given Aaron any time to respond, he just cupped the side of his face and kissed him softly. It was the best first kiss Jackson had ever had.
Love
He doesn't know where it happened, or when. He just knows that one day he woke up and realised he was completely, head over heels in love with Aaron Livesy
Mistake
"You're making a mistake" That's what all his friends told him. But he knew he wasn't. He could see in Aaron what no one else could. He saw the man behind the façade.
Numb
He was numb when Aaron told him. There was no other way to describe how he felt when Aaron said he would never walk again.
Over
Countless times he had told him it was over, he never meant. Not once that's why he continued to take him back.
Pray
Every day he prayed for a miracle, he prayed he would get some sensation back, any sensation back. He needed to touch him, he ached to touch him.
Questions
He questioned it everyday, why it happened, how it happened, why him. He knows the answer though, of course he does. It happened because he was stupid enough to drive away, whist upset.
Relationship
"I told him I was in a relationship" That should have pleased me, it should have made me happy that he knocked someone back for me but it didn't. It made me feel as if I was holding him back, I Had to let him go.
Smithy
Smithy was the place I got Aaron. Not that the Aaron that the village and the outside world saw each and everyday, inside Smithy cottage, I got Aaron. The Aaron I was completely in love with.
Truth
I like the truth. I have no idea why I am so obsessed with it but I am. Sometimes, in the case of Aaron I wish I could believe his lies but I can't. He said he could never lie to me but he wasn't being completely honest. He didn't want to be stuck with a tetraplegic, did he?
Underestimating
He underestimated him. He never expected him to come back, not after being with someone else. But he did, he came back and he knocked him for six.
Vow
He promised not to leave in the hospital, before Christmas and I knew he wouldn't. I knew I would have to make him leave me, I did, I pushed him into the arms of someone else and I would do it again. I just want him to be happy.
Wake
Each morning before he wakes up, he thinks it was all a bad dream. If only.
Xmas
He had imagined his first Christmas with Aaron. It hadn't gone quite as planned but still. He was with Aaron and he was happy.
Young
He was too young to be like this. It's what he told himself. He was t0o young to be paralysed and Aaron was too young to be looking after him.
Zero
Zero the number he gets to before he wakes up and realises he isn't dreaming.
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