Chapter 35: Five Stages

(DISCLAIMER: I am not affiliated with Stephenie Meyer, Little & Brown Publishing, or Summit Entertainment. I do not own, nor do I have any hand in the Twilight Universe, other than a handful of silly fanfictions. This is a work of fiction, any and all similarities to any person living or dead is purely coincidental. )

Esme had decorated the last spare room in the house for me. I'm certain all the Cullens knew that Edward was with me every night. But they trusted him. The room was painted a lavender color, which turned Lilac every morning as the small beams sun shone through my east facing window/wall.

The carpet was a muted beige, not unlike the rest of the house. A large, black iron, four poster bed, with little flowers made of the same metal decorated the headboard which looked like a garden of black vines.

The bedspread had clearly been Alice's idea, 4000 thread count egyptian cotton, of the sweetest blue coloring I had ever seen.

To the left of my bed was a giant closet, which apparently was also Alice's idea, as it was filled with designer clothes I was too terrified to touch, much less wear. My mother, at Esme's apology and begging, brought several of my old shirt, my three pairs of jeans, and my ratty gray and red sweatpants. Both of which were worse for wear.

It was a bleak Friday morning, when Typhoon Alice and Jasper walked into my bedroom as I stared out the great window. An Unnerving calm swept over me, I turned to arch an eye at Jasper who shrugged and looked abashed.

"Bella, it's time to get you out of those horrible clothes, and out of this house."

"I'm not leaving the house naked Alice." I joked weakly.

Jasper chuckled, forcing Alice to turn to him impossible fast. "I only need her manageable! You go outside and work your magic, while I make my best friend beautiful." She paused momentarily before rolling her eyes. And when you go out there tell Edward that I know she's always beautiful.

I heard a chuckle from the hall outside my room. Alice dragged me into my bathroom, demanding that I strip down. After refusing to be naked in front of her, she gave me no choice. "Bella, so help me, you will either strip down yourself, or I'll do it for you."

I sighed a grudgingly followed her orders. She looked me over once and spun around, "Take a shower, I'm picking out your clothes." Again I did as I was told. The image of her standing outside the shower scrubbing my back menacingly filled my head and made me cringe.

The hot water heater in the Cullen house, never seemed to run out, there was some kind of infinite tank. The custom shower head, allowed just the right amount of pressure to massage my tense neck and shoulders. I stood there for 15 minutes, just letting the water hit me, before I realized I need to wash myself before Alice walked in with a loofa in hand, and an evil glint in her eyes. Vampires... Tch.

The scent of the familiar strawberry shampoo and body wash calmed me. I felt at home, in this home that wasn't really mine. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that as much as I wanted to, as much and anyone else might want me to, I couldn't stay here.

I went over my options; I couldn't stay in Charlie's house, even though, as next of kin, it was mine now.

I could sell Charlie's house, and use the money to buy a place of my own, somewhere close to the hospital... Or there was the one option I wasn't sure I could survive. Or you could just go home Bella.

The very thought tore at my already raw heart, doubling me over until I was laying in the shower, trying to catch my breath and slow my heart.

There was a bang, the exchange of words and then in a fraction of a second, two tiny, freezing hands were picking my me up and wrapping me in a plush white bathing robe.

"Oh my God, Bella I'm sorry. I just thought..." Alice pulled me back to my bed, I lifted my knees to my chest and clutched my arms around them. Holding myself together.

I still couldn't breathe. "Alice, I'm getting Carlisle."

Not a minute later, everyone but Carlisle had left my side. He sat beside me and put an arm around me. "Bella, have you been having these anxiety attacks a lot lately?" He already knew the answer. I'm certain Jasper felt them as well as I did and informed Doctor Daddy.

I nodded slowly. Not looking at him. He sighed heavily and held out his hand, in it was a small, white, oddly shaped pill. "This is a 0.5 MG Ativan." He explained. "I want you to take it, and rest for the day. If you have any adverse reaction let me know. It should help with the anxiety. I'll gauge your anxiety levels with Jasper's help, and we'll figure out what the proper dose should be for you."

I took the pill from his hand. My chest still heaving, while I attempted to control myself without pharmaceutical aid. The door opened again, and I felt Esme's very motherly embrace. Traitors... they told Esme too?

"Oh Bella, why didn't you tell us things were this bad? We could have helped sooner. I'm going to go find someplace that makes decent soup for you. I'd cook it myself, but I'm not sure how good it would turn out. You just relax sweetheart." She disentangled her arms from around me and swiftly left the room. Her face crumpled and sad. That must be what it looks like when a vampire cries...

I tried to speak, as a glass of water was pushed into my other hand. Even considering I was in a house full of vampires, I felt that everyone was moving around me abnormally fast. Or maybe I was just moving abnormally slow. Considering I wasn't moving at all, but for my erratic breathing. I could even thank anyone before I found myself completely alone.

I didn't want to be alone.

A strangled sob escaped my throat, and I was suddenly laying in the bed, crying silently against Edward's shoulder.

BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!

That's right kids it is March 15th, Birthday of my Kellan Lutz.

Bugger is just a few days older than I am.

I think it's perfect for my stalkerish ways.

When I marry him we'll celebrate our birthdays on the day smack between them

with green beer, and corned beef & cabbage!

Hells yes, now that's the life!

uhhhh... yeah... Review?

/hides in a hole/

Josephine