A/N: C34 takes place during the 10-day trip back to Tchutchka Centrus. It turned out a bit longer than originally planned. I realized there was a whole section that fit better in this chapter. So, after moving things around and some tweaking, you get several more pages than otherwise would have been the case.

Hope you enjoy.

Chapter 34

Today was not a good day for Director Sident. Prime Director Phai informed him a section of his staff would be disavowed. That was a sanitized way of saying they were being sacrificed for some high-level maneuverings he was not privy to. What were they thinking? A critical unit of his bio-tech staff thrown to Ztar's rueger-derr named Gtar-Cro. The man was like the famed predator that rarely lost the scent. Relentless in pursuit of its prey, the single-minded rueger-derr sometimes stayed on the trail to the point of dying from lack of food or water rather than give up the hunt. Gtar-Cro had been on a mission of vengeance against the Etagllot well over a year, slowly eroding resources and personnel. It was 20 years ago all over again.

And now the organization Sident had given his life to was tossing Gtar-Cro a bone – quite a large, juicy bone, he thought with some bitterness. He was allowed one victory in an otherwise lost battle to save the ill-fated unit – Head Researcher Hercjell al'Verta. She, two key assistants, and the project files would be evacuated before imperial troops arrived to sweep the facility. Phai did share counterfeit data would be left for Gtar-Cro to dig up. Whatever precipitated the sacrifice would be mitigated by the gains resulting from the planted misinformation. The Director had a difficult time imagining what would be so valuable as to justify the loss.

"Is the current project to be continued at a new location?" he wanted to know.

The holographic projection of the Prime Director upturned its slender hand in the affirmative. "Yes, Director, the project is too important to discard. Data concerning the project relocation has been transmitted to your PI."

"And the test subject?"

"The Human will be allowed to fall into imperial hands. The energy manifested is similar, but not precisely what is needed."

That wasn't what he wanted to hear. "It was serving the purpose. Without the Human, the project could stall further."

The holo image approached his desk with a regal air of superiority and gazed down with stunningly blue eyes. "Trust, Director, that the requirements of your project will be met. The work has advanced to the point where the Human is no longer of use. A new subject will be provided…you will find it to be more than adequate." One corner of Phai's mouth upturned ever so slightly.

Her vagueness was nothing new and he set aside further immaterial objections. The highest levels of their organization would do as they saw fit. Sident lived his entire professional life under that reality. However, Phai did toss him tidbit to ease the blow – the unit's sacrifice would somehow result in saving a significant component of the Omnipotent Project, which the Prime Director knew was his private infatuation. That did pique his interest.

"I will ensure you receive the appropriate reports as usual. Know that your people are not lost in vain. Their sacrifice will ensure Omnipotent's continuation."

More than that, she did not reveal before ending the comm, leaving Sident only with his anticipation of the promised dockets. He was not naïve enough to believe what he saw was uncensored, but Phai had always made certain he received enough to keep up on the generalities. For that, he was thankful. It was a favor bestowed upon him for reasons known only to the Prime Director. He would not question, only accept gratefully.

With no recourse to save Hercjell's current team, he turned his attention to assembling a new unit. Bringing up the project files on his PI, he scanned Hercjell's assignment, simply called Project 1165. The research was an offshoot of the data gathered by the ill-fated Ymoz team Hercjell led to unravel the workings of the bionites hosted by the Human commonly known as Archangel. That aspect of the project failed, but they had garnered a large amount of data on the Human, including analysis of his lifeforce pattern and its anomalous nature.

Ymoz data was augmented with what was learned by Fjai Medical Research Station of Archangel's lifeforce energy manifestation. Those researchers had also collected in-depth genetic information in their attempt to explain how the man had survived a full-blown case of Wynnar-Qxani Disease, deadly to 99.99% of those actively infected. Etagllot researchers studied the files obtained from Fjai and concluded as that facility's scientists had…it could not be determine what had saved Archangel from the virus – the bionites he hosted, the manifested energy, a combination thereof, or something else entirely. Unfortunately, Archangel was withdrawn from the study before those answers could be discovered. Sident silently cursed the Emperor for that interference.

On a more positive note, Fjai's head researcher, Damymours'de, suggested that Archangel's genetic and lifeforce profile was astonishingly similar to an Etagllot study subject from many years ago that was declared an Eshaaru at the time. Now that was fascinating on two counts – how it dovetailed into Project Omnipotent and added to the argument that Archangel was Eshaaru. Yet the final proof was not in hand – Archangel's DNA still read as Earth origin. It was incredibly frustrating. Archangel looked like an Eshaaru, he manifested energy like an Eshaaru, the Emperor's intimate, long-term exposure to Archangel and subsequent personality metamorphosis was hallmark Eshaaru if one believed the legends, but still no undeniable proof. The DNA records of the declared Eshaaru from years back were lost and thus could not be compared to Archangel's.

For all he knew, the Eshaaru from 20-some years ago may have also scanned as Human. Did anyone know with certainty all the ingredients in the genetic soup the U'larr used to create the winged race? They certainly looked amazingly Human. From all he'd read, no one even knew how long the manufactured species had existed. Some calculated roughly 20,000 years – others speculated well over 50,000. These questions and more could be answered if Etxan'Ir were ever found. That was the goal of Omnipotent – find the legendary Library of All Knowledge.

With a sigh, Sident set aside thoughts of Eshaaru and Etxan'Ir to refocus on routine matters. Project 1165 combined bionite technology and lifeforce research with the goal of developing bionites that could manifest lifeforce on command. They were getting close. Hercjell's team of geneticists and bio-tech specialists had made great progress. Now because powers above him determined for some unimaginable reason her team must be sacrificed for Omnipotent, they were losing valuable talent.

He had much work ahead to identify new team members. Staffing resources were stretched extremely thin because of Ztar's persecution through his highly effective intelligence arm. But the Etagllot organization spanned far beyond the Turzent Empire. Their resources were deep; likely far vaster than Sident knew. Not once in his long tenure had they denied him a justifiable resource – either staff or materials.

And so he began his resource request, starting with Hercjell at the top with "acquired" annotated beside her name.

###

It had been a long nine days since Neu. Ettwanae had busied herself with viewing the memory nodes and trying unsuccessfully to weasel more information out of Warren and Volu about the return to Tchutchka. Gatebi spent much of her time reading, as usual. Flint played his computer games and nursed aches and bruises from the continuing self-defense lessons. Warren did his best not to think about how small the ship was and the resurrection of Aru's prodding and poking after his and Ettwanae's attempt to bond after Neu. That little experiment had thrown gasoline on the fire. They were back to Warren spending a good share of the time in the far corner of the cargo hold.

The most interesting event was when he, Ettwanae, and Volu recreated the depiction of the galaxy in the Dark Ones' citadel.

"That's still not quite right, Volu. Tilt the galaxy just a bit more," Ettwanae instructed, using her hand to illustrate the angle. The holographic Milky Way on Volu's bridge moved accordingly. "Now slide the light to my left just a little…a touch more…there!" Her eyes shot to Warren's. "Does that look right to you?"

He scrutinized the display, but couldn't be sure. "I didn't exactly memorize what we saw, but it's close, I think."

Ettwanae pointed to a single star. "Volu, make this one blue." The holo-star turned sapphire. "That's the one…I think…maybe." She placed her hands on her hips and turned again to Warren. "Do you agree?"

He shook his head wishing he'd paid more attention in the citadel, but then again, other things were more pressing at the time. "I can't be sure. I remember it being an isolated star and you saying it was at the fringe of the Commonwealth."

The Eshaaru nodded, her golden locks almost bouncing with enthusiasm. Warren clenched fists against the urges that small gesture stirred up. Was it him or was the bridge getting warmer?

Ettwanae peered closely at the star, her face and body dotted with the holographic stars of Orion's Arm. "What star is that?"

"The Commonwealth calls it Atmos. According to my navigational records, a single planet orbits the star…Atmos Prime."

"Inhabited?" Warren asked.

"If you give me a moment..." Many seconds passed in silence. Suddenly, series of images popped into the air of a dry and desolate planet. "These are pictures of Atmos Prime. Both the Turzent and Commonwealth comnets classify the planet as uninhabited. In fact, the Commonwealth has put the world on its Protected Archeological Sites list and travel there is by permit only."

"The whole planet is protected?" Ettwanae asked, surprise evident.

"Apparently."

Warren looked to Ettwanae. "Is that unusual?"

She cocked her head. "From what I learned from Baumpa, yes. Sites of ruins or other archeological relics can gain that status, but I never heard him say a whole planet could be a classified a protected site. But maybe the Commonwealth does things differently, especially if the planet is unoccupied."

"No, you are correct, Ettwanae. This is an exception even for the Commonwealth. I have reviewed their published list of protected sites and Atmos Prime is the only planet so classified."

Warren drew closer to the holographic Milky Way. "And it just so happens that the Dark Ones highlighted said planet. Now what could possibly be so special about Atmos Prime?" he posed.

"And is there a connection with Etxan'Ir? We know the Dark Ones seek the library as well."

"Exactly, Volu. What did the Commonwealth use as a basis for putting the planet on their list?"

Atmos Prime images dissolved to be replaced by the symbol of something called The Coalition for the Preservation of Extinct Cultures. "This organization's work was used to justify the classification. The CPEC is a group of Commonwealth archeologists who specialize in extinct species and seek to protect sites attributed to those races. Apparently, the planet was home to a vanished people called the Eno-" Volu stopped in mid sentence.

Warren glanced to Ettwanae whose expression was also of keen interest. "Volu?"

"The report is lacking. I find it hard to believe the government agreed to preserve an entire planet based on the CPEC report alone, yet I find no other documentation to support the ruling. And very little data is available regarding the Eno people. Puzzling."

Warren sifted through the possibilities. "Puzzling unless you look at it as a sham. Perhaps the planet is on that list for an entirely different reason. Maybe it does have something to do with Etxan'Ir and off limits for that reason. Maybe it's the Dark Ones' home base and they don't want anyone nosing around. Or maybe it's some top-secret Commonwealth military base." Warren ruffled his wings to release some of the tension building from keeping tight reins on a spirited libido. "If the Dark Ones highlighted that star system, I'm betting it has something to do with the library."

Ettwanae's nodded enthusiastically. "We just don't know in what way. You think we should go?" she asked looking to Warren for leadership.

"I do. We've no other leads to follow right now. Volu?"

"I concur. Since the nodes have revealed no other possibilities, it is a reasonable next step."

Warren folded his arms across his chest as wings flicked unconsciously while he considered what it might mean to infiltrate an off-limit planet in the Commonwealth. "We need as much intel as you can scrounge up, Volu, including any intrusion warning systems, planetary protection, and the like. I want to know what we're up against. And I've never traveled within the Commonwealth. What do we need to know about that?"

"We must remain as we do in the Empire, Warren – unknowns. That is our best protection. Ettwanae and I hold no citizenship or status in either realm."

Warren jerked and looked to Ettwanae. "But you lived on Sat'rey most of your life. How…?"

Ettwanae shook her head. "My Sat'reyan guise holds citizenship. I do not, Warren."

Volu's near paranoia made even more sense with that understanding. As non-citizens, they were illegal aliens within the Empire. "Understood. And the LinCreds card is worthless in the Commonwealth, so that means we'll need to fill our holds before leaving Turzent space."

"That would be wise," Volu agreed.

"First, though, Tchutchka. Then we stock up and head out. Agreeable?"

"Agreeable. However, we should restock just prior to leaving Turzent space and not on Tuchutchka."

"Good point." Volu's suggestion made sense on two counts – fill the holds at the last moment so supplies stretch as long as possible and avoid anyone besides Warren going planetside where they might hear of the Tchut mess.

Ettwanae, though, seemed hesitant about something, and Warren gave the woman an inquisitive look.

"We should talk with Flint and Gatebi first. Maybe they won't want to go."

"Then we drop them off at their homes. It'll delay us, but we can't force them to tag along."

Ettwanae nodded agreement, yet her expression revealed conflict. Was she afraid of losing her friends?

"I'll tell them and let you know." Then blue eyes locked on blue. "Won't you tell me why we're going back to Tchutchka? I have bad feelings about it. Should I?"

Warren bristled – she just wouldn't let it go. "No. It's imperial business, like I said ten times before." He cringed as the words came out too harsh.

Coldness instantly hardened the delicate features. "I thought we agreed to trust each other on this journey. You're keeping secrets!" Without waiting for a response, Ettwanae whirled away and exited the bridge with an angry snap of wings.

"Oh, that didn't go well," he lamented as Ettwanae disappeared from sight.

"Neu is over, Warren. We should tell her. Secrecy only builds mistrust."

He considered the suggestion, but this was not Ettwanae's problem. If not for the loss of his feather, the fiasco wouldn't exist. "We're almost to Tchutchka. I'll go down, deal with the authorities, and clear my name. Maybe she never needs to know."

Several silent seconds passed as tension filled the air. "You are asking me to be party to your secret. She presses me daily for an explanation of our return trip to Tchutchka. I am uncomfortable withholding information from my Other much longer without strong reason."

"Even if it will spare her worry? She already shows signs of feeling guilty about our close calls. I'd like to shield her from this, Volu. It's my problem and I have the resources behind me to deal with the issue. Let me do that. Once the fiasco is over, maybe then I'll explain – and apologize profusely."

"You are causing her worry now. Do not prolong the situation beyond reason."

Warren nodded. "Agreed. Once I'm no longer a murder suspect, I'll talk with her and make sure she understands you remained silent at my request."

The ship's odd sigh permeated the bridge. "As you wish. Know, though, that Ettwanae's emotional state may become less logical over the coming weeks. She may not be appeased as easily as you hope."

Warren's eyebrows shot up. "What do you mean about her emotional state?"

"Ettwanae's time of year is approaching. Molting is an emotionally…challenging time for her."

'Oh, Jesus!' Warren flinched. "Mood swings? Irritability? Feeling like she wants to tear people's heads off kind of challenging?" He knew all too well about molts, especially 'hard' molts.

"That is a good summation."

"And she has these difficult molts every time?"

"From what she has told me and I have endured, yes."

'Endured?' Warren rubbed the back of his neck. "Fuck."

"That will be a new twist to her condition. Before now, Ettwanae has not been of breeding circumstances during a molt. I am uncertain how she will handle that aspect given the unique situation between you."

"Damn."

"My sentiment exactly."

###

Warren woke sweaty, shaking, and painfully aroused. 'Shit!' Just to add to his distress, his head felt like it was splitting in two; pressure building and trying to find a release. Groaning, he crawled out of bed and got unsteadily to his feet. The world seemed surreal as he groped his way down the hall, barely able to walk as his groin felt like it was going to burst along with his head. Not caring if he disturbed Flint, though it was unlikely as the kid slept like the dead, Warren stumbled through the bedroom and into the bath they shared; PJs off in a flash.

"Volu, the works, please," he requested in a tight, hoarse voice; invoking Flint's pseudonym for the sensual shower only the Eshaar'ne was capable of. Warren rested his forehead against the wall, and as the water pelted him from all sides in all the right places – low, teasing, maddening. Body hyper-sensitized with arousal, he shuddered with the mix of burning pain and intense, sexual pleasure.

Wings spread automatically, and the water massaged the highly erogenous zones at their bases. He moaned, wishing for something to hold onto as his body spasmed. The room whirled as physical stimulation swamped him. In a flashover so hot he thought the water might boil on his skin, release came hard and painful in its intensity. Shockwaves rippled head to toe and he nearly choked trying not to cry out and wake Flint. Knees collapsed as the orgasm ended.

He sat on the floor, shaking, unable to move. "Good God."

Many thumping heartbeats later, Volu's quiet voice permeated the air, barely audible above the sound of the shower. "It is as I feared, Warren. The drive to mate has grown more intense by your recent activities."

Warren groaned. She was referring to not only the failed attempt to bond after Neu, but the two nights he and Ettwanae had indulged in simple foreplay and snuggling. It was not what he wanted to hear – he had enjoyed those simple pleasures. "How's Ettwanae?"

"I provided relief for her as well tonight."

'Least it's not just me,' he thought with some conciliation. "So you're saying no more hanky panky?"

"That may be for the best, Warren."

"Damn Ura," he swore in defeat at the enemy of his passion that he could not fight.

Then he felt Volu's presence leave in that odd way that was indescribable. A couple minutes later, Warren was strong enough to stand and the shower stopped automatically. Flapping wings hard to shed water and then toweling down, Warren realized the pain in his head was gone. 'Strange,' he noted about the peculiar pressure he'd experienced for a second time. Pulling on PJ bottoms, he slipped back through Flint's room with nary a grunt out of the teenager. Warren decided the pressure was likely a side effect of an overly stimulated sex drive. 'Something to perhaps talk with Volu about, but not now,' was the decision as he crawled back into the softness of his expensive bed. Body spent, sleep picked up quickly where it had left off prior to the erotic dream.

###

Sitting cross-legged on his bed the next morning, Warren powered up his laptop computer and checked that the files were indeed intact. They would arrive at Tchutchka Centrus later that day. If things went badly…if they detained him and Volu decided to leave him behind…there were two small matters he wanted handled.

"Volu?"

"Yes, Warren."

"Since you know my native language, can you translate some files to Turzent for me?"

"Of course." The tone equated to a 'no duh.'

Warren stretched his wings, already feeling the confinement of his tiny chambers. Feathers brushed either side of the storage room as its breadth was barely half his 16-foot wingspan.

"What are the files?" the living ship asked in obvious curiosity.

"A surprise gift."

"Similar to Flint's pants?" Warren nodded. "What is the purpose of gifts in your culture?"

The question surprised him, but then he thought about it. Cultural differences needed to be taken into consideration he suddenly realized. Was the ship hinting that Gatebi or Ettwanae would interpret the gifts in unintended ways?

"They serve many purposes. A simple thank you, an offer of apology, to fill a need, or in congratulations of a significant event or achievement – lots of reasons to give a gift. Often gifts given as a token of love or friendship. What does it mean to Gatebi?"

"In traditional Alcab culture, gifts are given in honor of great deeds. Gatebi has done nothing to warrant such recognition."

"So giving her a gift like I did Flint is inappropriate?"

"It would leave her puzzled unless explained. Even then, it may make her uncomfortable."

"Then I'm glad I held on to it for awhile." Still, he didn't want the gift to go to waste. Warren considered his alternatives. "What if I loaned the files to her?"

"That approach would be in keeping with Alcab culture."

"Then a loan it is. And what about Eshaaru culture – any taboos against gift-giving?"

"Eshaaru culture is not particularly relevant to Ettwanae as she was raised with Sat'reyan values. In their mores, gifts are symbolic of a deep connection between the giver and the recipient and great thought goes into the selection, taking into account the receiver and the occasion. The exchange is typically a private affair and often never spoken of beyond the two individuals."

"What if I give the gift under Eshaaru traditions?"

"Little is in my memories on the subject, but in the family node, T'Qilla did present T'Azrued with one gift. The recorded image showed a simple presentation with a verbal exchange of affection and gratitude."

Warren contemplated. He'd held off on the gifts for the women as he didn't want to seem to forward with either and now learning what he did, Warren was glad of delay. The ebooks he'd instructed his butler purchased for Gatebi before they left Earth had turned out to be perfect. She loved to read and he felt the classic tales of adventure suited her.

Ettwanae's gift was more personal. Rising from the bed, he dug the box out from its hiding place in one of the crates used for clothes. Opening the box, he smiled. She'd like it, he believed.

"Volu, I was going to give Ettwanae the gift as a thank you."

"A gift of appreciation?"

"Yes."

"For what?"

"For believing in me." Another reason had come into the picture the last ten days. "And as an apology for the Tchut issue. She's still pissed I won't talk that."

Volu remained quiet as he put the lid back on the blue velvet box and set the gift atop the crate.

"She loves you, Warren. That is a precious gift as well."

Tears suddenly sprung up into his eyes, surprising him. "I know she does. Not exactly sure why, but I understand how priceless that is. I- I wish I could tell her I loved her, but I can't. Not quite yet." He sat down on the bed with a heavy sigh. "I'm close, Volu, but not there yet."

"How will you know when you are?"

He huffed. "Good question. I'm in lust of her – goes without saying. Not sure who to thank for that – my own libido, the mysterious Aru-Ura force, or maybe the combo pack. I'm definitely in very strong like of Ettwanae. When I watch her, the way she moves, how she smiles, how she tilts her head to one side when curious…those things warm my heart and I think I'm close to love. Perhaps when they also warm my soul, I'll know." Then he snorted. "Fuck, I don't know, Volu! You're talking to a multi-time loser in the relationship arena. I'm gun-shy at saying it's love. Said that too many times before and things ended – sometimes badly. I can't hang on to relationships – they get away from me," he swept an arm in emphasis.

He pushed himself back on the mattress until he could lean against the wall. Drawing his knees up and wings forward, he created his safe cocoon. Chin resting on his kneecaps, he wondered if maybe he was afraid to love Ettwanae. Suddenly, Ztar's face invaded his thoughts. Old feelings rose up without permission – old lusts, old cravings, old…

Where the emotions truly old…past tense? If the warming in this nether region was any indication, the answer was no. 'Stop, Worthington. You know what's behind this – your bond. A bond you're hoping to sever. The bond that should not exist.' He rubbed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. If not for mutant healing factor, he knew he'd be getting a headache. Volu had been silent during his slip into isolated contemplation.

"Volu?" he called from within the white shroud.

"Yes, Warren?"

"I want to love her, you know. My track record is atrocious, though. What if I screw it up like I always do? And this problem with the bond – what if we can't find a way around it? What if we can never truly be together? I'm not sure I could handle that – if either of us could."

Long pause. "You are afraid to love Ettwanae?"

'Have you really come to that, War ol' boy? Dumped and been dumped so many times that loving someone now frightens you?' Warren squeezed his wings tighter, pressing them against arms, legs, sides. Perhaps if he sealed himself in, the truth couldn't get through. The technique failed. 'Warren Worthington, you're afraid of getting burned.' Then he had an interesting thought. 'Is that what ended up being so appealing about Ztar? He wasn't a woman? A relationship with no real long-term future. Perhaps Ztar was "safe" to care about?' He groaned simultaneous denial and realization it could be true.

"You ask very pointed questions, Volu."

"I must. You are in a position to hurt my Other greatly. Not physically, but psychologically. I see you keeping your emotional distance, Warren. I am worried for Ettwanae. Her love is deepening. Soon it may be too late to pull away without serious repercussions. The time draws near for a decision."

He opened the cocoon. "Love her or leave her?"

"To commit to the effort or tell her you cannot. Love comes or it does not, that you cannot control. But you have told her she is important to you. You have encouraged her to believe love will come. Yet your words and behavior often contradict."

Warren couldn't help but chuckle, obviously not the reaction Volu expected.

"Did I say something amusing?" The tone was terse.

"No, Volu. My apologies. For a moment, I felt like the young man dating the protective father's daughter and I'm getting the 'what are your intentions' drill." He closed his eyes. "You're right. Actually, you're right on a couple points. Yes, I think I am afraid to love her, but it has nothing to do with her. It's my self-doubts about being capable of a successful relationship – one that's lasting. I don't want to hurt her anymore than you want to see her hurt." He pulled the wings back to drop the shields, sighed, and reopened his eyes.

"What else am I right about?"

"That the time is drawing near for a decision. I shouldn't be stringing her along. Either I'm going to plunge ahead and try to make things work between us or I need to tell her I can't.

"If fear holds your heart, Ettwanae cannot."

He nodded. "I know that all too well, Volu. I've made every mistake you can name in the heart department. Given it too quickly, not really given it at all. Given my heart conditionally to the right person and unconditionally to the wrong one. Even given it when it belonged to someone else." His chest was heavy and despite himself, Warren's eyes turned watery. "I'm not sure I know how to do it right any more," he whispered.

"Then do not give it, Warren."

The words both surprised him and didn't. 'You're damaged goods, Worthington. Messed up, fucked up… Volu can see that. Shit, you were even an imperial whore! Why would she want you inflicted on Ettwanae?' Old shames and guilts came to roost. All progress made in feeling positive self-worth flew out the proverbial window. Wings stretched forward once again to surround him, driven by an unconscious desire to hide his sins…himself. 'Man up and admit it, Worthington. Ettwanae's too good for you. Keep this whole quest a business deal, just like you said at the start. Tell Ettwanae you don't love her, can't love her, and set things straight.' Drawing in a breath to steady himself, he relaxed the feather wall.

"You're right again. I need to tell her it won't work between us. We need to focus on the mission and forget about any kind of relationship."

"Warren, I think you misunderstood."

He blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Do not give your heart, Warren. Not yet. Let it mend first. Ettwanae's spirit can help heal yours. She is, after all, Eshaaru. You only have to allow her in. When you are ready, you may find your heart is already in her hands."

Warren tried to reconcile what he was hearing to everything Volu had said over the past forty-plus days. Her obvious distrust of him, her warnings, her determination to protect Ettwanae at all costs. "I'm confused, Volu. Do you want me and Ettwanae to be a couple or not? The messages have been mixed."

"They are mixed because you have been. My desire for Ettwanae's happiness has not and will never waver. You have potential to be good for Ettwanae – to be her soulbound in all ways. I support that potential, though some of your actions have left me less than pleased. Pragmatically, Warren, Ettwanae needs a soulbound. Candidates are limited."

Warren had to snort at that. "Beggars can't be choosers."

"Do not belittle yourself, Warren, it is unhealthy," the Eshaar'ne retorted with gentle sternness.

Warren flinched. "Sorry, old habits." She was right. 'How easily you fall right back into old patterns. Don't let all your hard work fall by the wayside,' he reminded himself. Blue eyes migrated to the velvet box. "What do you want of me, Volu?"

"The question is not the right one, Warren. The question is, what do I want for Ettwanae?"

"I already know the answer to that."

"Then I need not say more."

His eyes had not wavered from the box. "Should I give her the gift?"

"I cannot answer for you."

His mind whirled with conflicting thoughts, emotions, questions, and doubts. 'Bottom line…what's the bottom line?' he asked. Not a new question, nor had the answer changed. He wanted someone to belong to, someone to grow old with, someone to cherish and to be cherished by. Whether that someone was Ettwanae or not, he'd never know if he didn't give it a chance. However, risks of them both getting hurt lurked. And just to complicate the situation, how much of his feelings toward Ettwanae were manipulations of forces he didn't yet fully understand. Flipside – did that really matter?

The words he'd spoken to Ettwanae in the bedchamber only days ago rang in his ears. "I'm not going anywhere…I'm not giving up on us. Each day, you're becoming more important to me – more a part of me." He was encouraging Ettwanae – giving hope of becoming a couple. If he wasn't able or willing to do that wholly, he was being cruel. 'I'm messing up just as I've messed up nearly every relationship I've ever had.' His insides twisted. 'I want you Ettwanae, I really do,' he said rising from the bed. Picking up the blue box, he returned it carefully to its hiding place. 'Just not sure I'm able to give you what you deserve.'

"I need to think about everything, Volu. My hesitation has nothing to do with Ettwanae – it's about me. I've resolved a lot of my emotional baggage the past couple years, but there are areas that still need work."

"Do not think too long, Warren. Meanwhile, Ettwanae deserves to know your insecurities. She has endured many losses and they have left their mark."

That hit home. He'd contemplated that very concern even before Thael. Warren sat down on the edge of the bed. "And we sometimes blame ourselves for our losses even though it's not our fault. You think she'll blame herself for my hesitation to commit."

"You understand correctly." She paused for several moments. "Consider this…Ozshi'wanae brought you together. Aru and Ura determined that you are to be soulbounds. Ettwanae has already given you her heart. You are the only element hesitating."

A sarcastic chuckle escaped. "I don't think Ura agrees with your assessment."

"The false bond to Ztar is an accidental barrier, it does not change the fact you and Ettwanae are intended for each other."

'And hence one of the roots of my hesitation,' he silently pointed out, but he'd not go there with Volu. "I'll talk with Ettwanae and explain – after Tchut."

"Acceptable."

"Thanks for the perspective. It helped." While Warren did appreciate the Eshaar'ne's willingness to talk, he would not lose sight of the motive – protecting Ettwanae. "If I don't return from Tchut, would you make sure Ettwanae knows the box is for her?"

"I will, but you will return to us."

He didn't bother responding. Things happen. He may end up in Tchut custody for all he knew. Grabbing up his laptop, he indicated the files for translation, which Volu accomplished quickly. A few minutes later, Warren rose to find Gatebi, hoping she would indeed enjoy the books.

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A/N: Chapter 35 is all about the mess on Tchut. Warren faces their interrogators. Will he walk away or be taken into custody for triple murder? Only way to know is to come back next time!