Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else. -Judy Garland

Gwen's POV

Do you think David has a secret bad girl fetish? I kind of hope so, 'cause I didn't really consider what he would think when I went through with this whole skank thing.

Maybe he'll like it.

Or maybe he'll hate it and break up with me and then I'll die.

Except rebels are supposed to be invincible and not go to pieces when their boyfriends leave them after they turn into rebels. And then they're supposed to have meaningless sex with boys who wear their jeans under their butts and then the bad girls always blame their fathers for it.

That's how it goes on TV.

But this isn't television, is it?

Apparently not, 'cause here I am, on the front step of David's porch and not on a flat screen TV.

I managed to walk there that time, unlike last time when I got lost like a dope and Austin had to drive me there. Austin probably wouldn't have recognized me now anyway. He's not that bright.

Ugh, thank God Kimiko and Shin's cars are both gone. I really didn't want to have them asking 'david wtf happened to your lil girlfriend she looks liek shit now' or something.

And I still sorta like them and don't want them to think their son's girlfriend is going to give him drugs or herpes and make him break up with me.

Not unless David beats them to the punch.

Hey, I've been standing here for a while. I should probably ring the doorbell if I want David to answer.

Damn, Austin answered it. And he's looking me up and down like I'm a piece of meat. Or a piece of crap. "Uh, hey there. Are you the stripper-gram my friend Jack keeps saying he's gonna send me?"

What. "No. Austin, it's me. Gwen. Your brother's girlfriend." I crossed my arms and stood there as he squinted at me and titled his head.

Sheesh, I don't look that different.

Okay, I do.

"Oh… Yeah." Austin nodded, the gears in his almost empty head finally moving again. Told you he wouldn't know it was me at first. "Sorry, I didn't recognize you for a sec. You actually look kind of hot."

Uh, thanks. I guess. Not that I'm gonna say that out loud or anything. "Uh huh, whatever. Look, David called me before and I wanted to talk to him in person. Is he here?"

"Yeah, sure." Austin stepped away from the doorway and walked to the staircase so he could shout, "Dave, your frightening and suddenly attractive girlfriend is here!"

Yeah, thanks, Austie. That makes a girl feel good.

He walked off, probably to his dad's office to eat paste or something, so I stomped in and waited at the bottom of the steps for David. And I totally wasn't nervous about what he'd say or do. Because I am only supposed to feel the emotion that is badass, remember?

I've got to admit, as he walked down the steps and into the foyer, David didn't look as shocked as I thought he would. He didn't look all la di da about it, but he didn't throw holy water in my face or anything. "Wow. She said it was different, but…"

She? Who is this she? "What the hell are you talking about?" I raised an eyebrow at him as he rested a hand on the end of the railing.

"Uh, Aly texted me before," David said, staying a good two feet away from me. "She told me about your mom and what you were up to. Honestly, I thought she was just joking about this new look of yours."

Ugh. Allisnob, why can't you mind your own business.

"Okay, I don't know what my sister told you, but you need to hear my side of the story."

And that's what he heard.

/ /

"So, uh, let me see if I've got this right." We had gone into the living room by that point and we were lounging on the couch. I had told him my tale, but he didn't seem very impressed by it. On top of that, David hasn't touched me once. No steamy kisses, no arm around my shoulder, not even any hand holding. What the eff.

I guess that's for the best. Hand holding isn't badass.

"Let's see if you do."

"Your parents announced they're having another kid, so with the help of some punk rock chick you met at a mini mart, you got back at them by, y'know, looking like… this." David gestured to my hair and pierced nose and ripped clothes and all that chizz.

"It's not just my parents and their demon fetus, David," I told him, kicking my combat boots up on the coffee table and leaning back farther into the couch. "The teen years are supposed to be ones of discovery, right? Maybe I've discovered a new me. If my parents can just up and change my family's lives, why can't I change mine?"

David just sighed to that. "Gwen, come on. We've been dating for a while now. I know you." He leaned closer, arm rested on the back of the couch, but still got nowhere near me. "This is new, but it isn't you."

If the new me wasn't so cool, I would totally chuckle at that accidental rhyme score.

"Babe, people change. It's a fact of life." I picked a lint ball off my yellow and black zebra print tank top and flicked it onto the ground. "It's just a new look. I don't see the big deal."

David nodded and leaned back again, but didn't look all that convinced. "Aly's text didn't say much, but what she said made it seem like you changed more than just your looks."

That made my mini scowl disappear for a moment. Did she tell him about my mall-wide five finger discount sale?

I guess not, or else he probably would have mentioned it by now.

"David…" I inched closer to him and gently caressed his cheek with the tips of my fingers. It felt good to finally touch him, even if it was just his cheek. The adorable look on his face really made me want to rip out my itchy belly button piercing and return all the clothes I stole, but Ursula said I can't let my guard down no matter what. "It's still me inside, baby. Just… Just think of this as an improv exercise."

Okay, that's not really keeping my guard up. But I didn't outright deny my new skankitude or anything.

David looked hesitant, but once he caught that I was still wearing his ring, I think that made him believe I was still Gwen deep down. And that's when he finally let me kiss him. Yay.

But then he pulled away. Boo.

"No, I... I can't do this."

"Yeah, you can. You were doing a pretty good job before you-"

"No, not that," David said, gently pushing me off of him and back onto the couch. "Gwen, one of the things I love most about you is that you're always yourself, no matter what. You don't change who you are for anyone, and you don't let the little things get you down."

"You call my mother having a devil child a 'little thing'? I'd like to see your idea of a fiasco," I muttered, scooting away from him a bit.

"You... I think... Look, is this about more than just the baby? Is something else bothering you?"

My face scrunched at that question. "How am I supposed to respond to that?"

David looked uncomfortable talking about this, but that sure didn't stop him. "I mean, I just kind of thought you'd be excited to have a younger sibling."

"Yeah, well, I'm not." I turned away from him. Unless he starts making out with me again, I don't want anything to do with him at the moment. "And there's nothing else behind this either. Knock it off with the Doctor Phil shit."

Silence.

"Maybe you should go."

I want the silence back.

"David... No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."

David doesn't look like David right now. I've never seen the look on his face that he has right now and quite frankly, I never want to see it again. "Yeah, I know the old Gwen wouldn't have meant that. It's the new Gwen I have a problem with." David stood up and started walking back to the staircase without even sparing me a glance over the shoulder. But he did leave me with a few parting words.

"When my amazing girlfriend comes back, tell her I'll be waiting for her with open arms."

... Okay, he didn't actually break up with me. He never said that we were over. He said we could still be together.

So why does my heart feel like it's in seventeen million pieces?

/ /

Stupid boyfriend and his stupid lack of acceptance toward my new blue-haired lifestyle.

David basically kicked me out of his house because the new me pissed him off, so that's why I'm currently fighting the lump in the back of my throat and strolling back home.

Except 'strolling' doesn't exactly sound bad to the ass, what what.

So I guessing I was... swaggering. Was that better?

Uuggh, this stupid navel piercing itches like a bitch. I wanna take it out, but Margo says I can't for, like, twenty years. Or something along those lines. I wasn't exactly paying attention when she told me that part.

I wonder how James and Jane will react when they see the spiky purple and white ball coming out of my belly button. I bet they'll blow a friggin' gasket.

Awesome. It'll totally ruin Canada Day for them tomorrow.

Through all the stuff that's happened over the past few days, I almost forgot tomorrow was Canada Day. My family's probably going to try and do something to celebrate. I don't know why I should bother with it. They're all from Canada. I'm not. I was born here in LA to a mother that didn't even want me.

Shit. I've been trying to forget about Naomi for weeks. I was doing a pretty good job until my adoptive mother announced she was pregnant and Aly listed off the problems with Jane's current children and said I'm messed up because I'm adopted and stuff.

It really made me mad. Mostly because I knew she was probably right and I don't like it when Aly's right about my shortcomings.

But how could I not be messed up by that? Some poor little kids only get abandoned by one mother in their lifetime. I'm lucky enough to get tossed by two. I win the mama drama lottery.

Whoopie.

Ugh, Naomi. I can't believe my parents tried to force me into meeting her. She didn't want me, so why the hell would she want to meet me? And why would I ever want to meet her?

She probably wouldn't like the new Gwen anyway. She didn't even try to like the old Gwen.

Though she did want to meet me. I guess that showed a little effort on her part.

Doesn't mean there needs to be any on mine.

You know what else is pathetic? Jane programmed her number into my phone. "Just in case you change your mind, or you want some closure. She'd really like to get to know you," she had said after handing me back my PearPhone. I just sort of shrugged and went back to watching Glee.

Ursula says I'm not allowed to watch Glee anymore. But that's not the point.

The number's still on my phone. I don't know why I haven't deleted it yet. I don't want to call her. I don't want to hear her voice. I don't want to look at her. I don't even want to think about her.

But once I start, it's hard to stop.

I thought about her before I learned the truth. Not much, but enough. I wondered what she looked like, what her voice sounded like, if she was nice or smelled like petunias and shit. I also used to pretend that maybe my mother, like, died protecting newborn me from terrorists or maybe she had to give me up because she was a super-secret spy and she didn't want me to end up in a hostage negotiation.

Naomi is not a terrorism victim or a spy. She's a teen mother who gave her own baby up and works as a cashier at a Chinese restaurant.

I leaned on the hood of a car in front of a house about a block away from the Oliver abode and pulled out my cell phone. Now's as good a time as any to rid my phone of her stupid number.

There it is. Naomi Duncan. Time to delete.

Come on, the little red button is there on the screen. Tap it. Tap it.

I tapped on cancel instead.

Either I have bad aim when it comes to tapping or...

No, no, I'm just bad at tapping. There's no second option.

... Yes there is. Maybe David was right. Maybe this is about more than the baby.

Or maybe not.

I should text him anyway.

New Message to David

baby, im sorry. i love you.

That was so lame, but I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I sent it. David knows by now that I'm lame.

I guess no amount of makeup or blue hair dye can cover that up.

"Gwen?"

Oh God more people. I just want to be left alone right-

Oh, it's just Jade. That's cool.

After tucking my phone away, I looked up and saw my brother's girlfriend staring at me with a blank expression. She must have come out of the house I'm in front of. "What were you doing in that house?"

"You don't need to know that."

Uhm, okay.

"If you'd get your ass off my car, I could give you a ride to your place," Jade said, shrugging. "I was on my way there anyway."

Oh, this is the car Jade borrows from her mom every now and then. I didn't realize that because I was too busy being a weenie.

"Uh, sure. Whatever." I walked over to the passenger's seat and after she got in, she started driving away.

Jade didn't say anything at first, and I thought it was going to be like riding with Ursula, but she decided to break the silence. "I thought Beck was joking when he told me you about your new image."

Why do people keep saying that?

I smirked, kicking my combat boots up on the dashboard. I've decided kicking my feet up on stuff looks cool. "Yeah, I figured it was time for something new. You like?"

"You look retarded."

LOLwut.

I mean, what the mother sluttin' hell?

"For serious?" I raised an eyebrow at Jade, who was looking at the road and not me, because she didn't want us to crash or whatever. "I thought you of all people would approve of this look."

Jade barely shrugged at that. "Don't get me wrong, it's a good look, but it looks stupid on you. It's like Robbie dressing up as a rapper or Trina dressing up as someone who doesn't suck."

I'm not talking to her anymore. She's being a gank.

"So, why are you going to my house?"

Damn.

"To try and get your brother in the sack."

… Okay, that's more than a sister wants to know.

"Any reason why?"

Jade let out a huff. "Because when he found out your mom was knocked up, he cancelled Role Play Wednesday on me, and I'm getting my money's worth out of the goddamn Ash and Pikachu costumes I rented if it kills me."

Oh sweet baby Jesus.

That is the most horrifying image I have ever imagined.

I guess I looked pretty freaked out, because she just said, "What? I'm running out of ideas and those were the cheapest costume sets at the rental place."

All I could manage to get out after that was, "So... What you're saying is Beck is going to dress up as Ash Ketchum and he's going to... s-sleep with you as if you were... his Pikachu."

"A slutty Pikachu. It's pretty much yellow lingerie with the ears and lightning bolt tail thing."

The image just got even more horrifying.

... And I just remembered that I was a non-slutty Pikachu for Halloween when I was seven.

...

My childhood is ruined.

I guess that helps with my BAMF image, but still. Squick.

Thank Buddha we didn't talk for the rest of the ride there. It was only like two minutes, but regardless.

Sometime in those two minutes, I finally got a response from David, so as I propped my head up against the window, I yanked out my PearPhone and read his text.

New Message from David

i love you too. i just wish you loved yourself as much as i do.

If that had been sent to me a few days ago, I would have argued against that.

But right now, I'm not too sure about anything.