Chapter 3: The Hardest Choice
I waste no time in leaving the cafeteria and returning to my room, frantically jamming the key into the lock to get it open and discover what lies in wait. Hikari isn't far behind, pushing down on my shoulder as she peers past me to scan the room just in case Monokuma is lurking in the shadows. Indeed, as Haru predicted, upon the chest of drawers lies an envelope, the contents of which most likely pertain to some sort of motive. I enter the room first, with Hikari acting as backup, and snatch up the envelope, scanning the writing on the front. It's got my name on it, so it must be for me. How thoughtful.
I decide against tearing the envelope open immediately, Rin's words still echoing in my head. I don't want to end up being remembered as 'that guy who released a ton of deadly spores in an enclosed space.'
"Hey, how come you get one and I don't?" Hikari asks, pouting like a petulant child. I bet she only wants her own envelope so she can burn the damn thing.
"Good question," I reply. "Seems strange that you wouldn't get one."
"Hold on a minute," Hikari says, sticking a finger up in the air. Do I want to know what crazy idea she's got? "Haru only said that he got given an envelope earlier. He didn't say Zange got one. So… maybe it's just the guys who got them?" That seems like too weird a decision for Monokuma to make, unless Rin's right about the germ warfare thing and it's some weird Y chromosome killing virus or some shit. Who knows, maybe he's trying to specifically trigger Alicia with this one. The previous incentive of fear seemed to have been put together with certain people in mind, so that's not outside the realms of possibility. It's just… there's no way one of Hikari's wild and fantastical trains of thought could lead to the correct conclusion.
"Maybe," I say, not wanting to shoot her down outright just in case I get proven wrong later. Instead, I offer my own theory. "Think of what else Haru said, though. It sounded like Monokuma was going through each room one by one, which might be why Zange didn't get hers at the same time. Yours might be in your room." Which we can't get into.
"I have a room? Where?" Hikari asks, looking around expectantly as though some mystical portal will open up somewhere. Like she needs her own room anyway when she practically lives in mine. I just hope she doesn't get too used to the idea of having other people provide everything for her, because things will be different once we get out of here. It'll take time for her to win my parents over for a start.
"The one you lost the key to, remember?" I say, attempting to jog her memory of when we first met. Has it really only been four days? For some reason, it feels as though we've known each other for much longer than that short span of time. As I've noted before, your perception of time really changes when you've not got any contact with the outside world.
"Nope, no idea what you're on about," Hikari says, plopping herself down on the bed. If she's got anything planned, it's not happening. I'm really not in the mood for that right now. Not while we've got our next motive waiting.
"Forget it then," I say. Sometimes it's better just to play along and not challenge her beliefs. Once she gets an idea into her head that's it. I'll forgive her though because she's mine for all eternity, for better or worse. I look at her lying back on my bed, her long legs dangling over the edge and waggling ineffectually, and can't help but think how much has changed. At first, I kept her around more out of a sense of duty than anything else, because all I knew about her was that she's a little too excited by things that burn and explode and I didn't want anyone else to get hurt if something went horribly wrong. As time passed, though, I discovered there's a lot more to her than meets the eye, and her enthusiasm for life has started rubbing off on me. I never really thought of myself as the impulsive type, which is why my sudden decisions to throw caution to the wind recently have come as a shock.
"Okie dokes," Hikari says, suddenly reminding me of my sister again. Not the kind of comparison I want to be making now. Definitely a bad idea. "So… what do I do, then? Do I just not get an envelope?"
"You're asking the wrong person," I reply. We're probably better off if she never receives one, honestly. Who knows what could happen with her knowledge of explosives combined with a motive to kill? We could all end up getting wiped out. "Why would you want one anyway?"
"Because everyone else got one. It's not fair that Monokuma keeps picking on me."
"I don't think he's picking on you," I say. "Besides, I don't see why he wouldn't have one prepared for you. He needs to cover all his bases and give everyone a reason to kill, right?"
"But I'd never kill anyone in here," Hikari says defiantly, folding her arms and scowling. "I like everyone in here. And killing is wrong!" Well, the thing is, Hikari, those people may not like you. That's where the real problem lies. Not everyone gets along so swimmingly, and Monokuma knows that by giving one of those people a nudge, he can induce despair and get the killing game back on track. We've got to avoid this at all costs, and to that end, I exit the room, knowing that Hikari will follow, with the intention of handing my envelope over to Haru. Finding out what's inside isn't worth it. The other students (although 'inmates' is probably a more accurate term at this stage) have congregated where we were seated a few minutes earlier, so it seems like everyone else is on the same wavelength. All, that is, besides the beleaguered hero himself, who isn't best pleased about everyone's sudden decision to come rushing to him for advice. You'd think he'd be used to that sort of thing.
"Look, guys, I've got as much idea as you have about what's in these. You may as well just keep hold of them. Would you not feel safer handing them to someone who's more able to protect them?" Haru's expression is one of bemusement, and he can't bear to look anyone but Zange in the eye. I bet he regrets speaking up about those envelopes now.
"But who else can we turn to in our hour of need?" Haruki asks. "You're the Ultimate Hero."
"I was the Ultimate Hero," Haru corrects the singer. "While I'm happy everyone in here sees past the chair, it doesn't change the fact that I just can't do all that stuff anymore. If somebody was to barge into my room and try to steal stuff, I'd be powerless to stop them. I'd rather not be responsible for that."
"You can always pass 'em over to me, sweetie," Zange says, fluttering her eyelids. Sweetie? Christ. Me and Hikari are at least a little more restrained in our affection than that. Those soppy pet names are a bridge too far for me. Hikari seems to like my given name, anyway.
"Why did I not think of that?" Haru asks himself, slapping his forehead. You sure you wanna go trusting a wanted criminal with all those valuable commodities, pal? Those are our potential tickets out of here, and you're about to hand them over to a bloody thief. Then again, love does funny things to a guy's sense of judgment and rationality, something I can definitely attest to…
"Puhuhuhu! Not so fast, bucko!" Oh fuck off Monokuma! I should have expected nothing less than the black and white bear himself interjecting with an acrobatic leap onto the table. After sticking the perfect landing, Monokuma takes all the envelopes in his paws and begins rifling through them all. "Now that I have your attention, students, I suppose I'd better explain what these delightful little envelopes are all about. I was going to call you all to reception for a scheduled appointment but you're all here, so we might as well just roll with it!"
"I must say, this seems like an incredibly boring setup," Daisuke says, yawning. "Are you really so bereft of ideas that you're repeating the same shtick as before?"
"Puhuhuhu! Don't go jumping to conclusions, smartypants!" Monokuma says, wafting the stack of envelopes around. "These envelopes are nothing like the last ones. Nothing, I tell you! They may be white and rectangular and have all your names on and be very personal and secret... but they're nothing like the last ones! Not one bit!"
"Get on with it!" Eizou shouts, raising a fist at Monokuma, who simply looks at his outstretched hand and shakes his head in disappointment.
"Goodness, what do they teach them in schools these days? Not manners, that's for sure! Tonight's homework will be to practice your manners, young man! And don't you think about slacking off, because I'll be testing you tomorrow! Puhuhuhu!" Monokuma's red eye glows menacingly as he issues this warning to Eizou, three silver claws protruding from his empty paw. That bear sure is disciplined.
"I'm a sailor, dammit, we don't have manners!" Eizou bellows, marching forward with intent. Nayumi's quick to react and place a hand on his shoulder, stopping his advance.
"Let him speak," she says calmly. "Reacting to his antics is what he wants." Eizou's arm quickly falls to his side and his head slumps.
"I swear this place is getting to me," Eizou says solemnly. "I'm not like this usually, I swear."
"Well, isn't it lucky I've got just the thing that could fix that?" Monokuma asks, shoving the envelopes under the Ultimate Mariner's nose. "Aren't I so generous? You ungrateful brats have been refusing to cooperate, and yet here I am allowing you all the opportunity to leave. That's more than you deserve!"
"The obvious caveat being that to leave, we have to kill someone," Alicia points out. "You're absolutely delusional if you think that's happening."
"Oh, am I?" asks Monokuma. "You might wanna hold that thought 'til after you've seen what's in these! Catch!" The envelopes are thrown high into the air, not fluttering as may have been intended, more flopping to the ground like a flock of dying pigeons. There's a slight break as everyone makes sure they've got the right envelope, with Monokuma keeping his beady eye on everybody all the while. Once we're back where we started, he straightens up and clears his throat. Or at least pretends to. Robotic bears have no need for throat-clearing.
"Last time, your greatest fears were what awaited you. The chilling prospect of being faced with the one thing in the world that would bring you into a state of complete and utter despair was enough to cause one of your own to turn on a fellow classmate. This time, instead of thinking about what's on the inside, I want you to expand your horizons and think about what's waiting outside."
"But you said we shouldn't think about the outside world," Eizou interrupts. "Make your mind up!"
"That was back when you were all running around like headless chickens and in no fit state to be killing," Monokuma says in an attempt at justification for his decision to allow us to embrace the outside world. "Now, you've all settled in rather nicely and gotten used to the idea that you'll never escape this place, a little bit of rumination on the state of external affairs is fine by me. But don't think about it too hard or your poor little brains might catch fire! Puhuhuhu!" External affairs, eh? Perhaps there really is a reason we're trapped in here besides the whole killing game thing.
"So… inside these envelopes is something connected to our lives outside?" Haruki asks, clutching his envelope to his chest tightly. What's he got to hide?
"Exactly! I've given you all a little reminder of home. Maybe seeing what's become of your families and friends while you've been in here will provide a little inspiration…"
"What have you done to them?" Alicia screams. "If you've harmed them, I swear to God I'll skewer you without a second thought, rules be damned!"
"Don't you worry about a thing, sugar," Monokuma replies, making sure to slip in a patronising and slightly misogynistic epithet to piss her off. "Everybody's safe. For now…"
"Hey, Monokuma, where's my envelope?" Hikari asks, arms folded. "I've got family too, you know! I've got so many family members I can't even count them!" She turns away from Monokuma and grabs my hand. "Shinji, you're gonna have sooooooo much fun meeting them all! Especially my twin cousins Sanae and Musashi, they're awesome!" Just as long as her family's not as big as the one Zygoth's space king left behind…
"D'oh!" Monokuma says, slapping his forehead with a paw. "I knew I'd forgotten someone! Man, it's so confusing when you guys decide to switch rooms! What's wrong with the ones I assigned you? I mean, alright, I can see where Zange's coming from because hey, the disabled rooms are always way bigger, but Shinji's room is so boring! Like, seriously, your life's so devoid of meaning I couldn't even furnish it with anything!" Yeah, cheers for that. And you know something, Monokuma? Hikari switching rooms might have something to do with the fact you ate her key. Bet you didn't think of that one, did you?
"Give her the envelope already," I snap. My patience is being worn thin by the bear's stupid antics. The sooner he gets out of our sight, the better.
"Okay, here you are," Monokuma says, retrieving the envelope from hammerspace and throwing it to Hikari, who fumbles it and drops it on the ground. I pick it up for her and notice from the texture of it that there seems to be some sort of loose substance within. It feels like some sort of powder or something. Oh shit, it's not anthrax or something is it? "Now, here's the important part. This is only the beginning. If you kids don't get your act together soon, I'll send you all another reminder of home. Every day that passes without a body showing up will be marked by another delivery. Hopefully you'll all comply before your rooms end up stuffed with little trinkets. Good luck, everyone, and happy killing! Puhuhuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!" The laughter seems to echo as Monokuma dives under the table and vanishes from sight. He may be gone, but the unsettling aura he brought with him still permeates the air. He says these are all full of reminders of home, but I still think he's full of shit. Once the laughter stops, the room goes deadly quiet, so quiet you could hear a mouse fart. That is, until Nayumi starts snoring standing up. How does she manage it?
"So… what do we do with these now?" asks Haruki, breaking the unnerving silence.
"BURN THEM ALL!" is Hikari's immediate, and incredibly predictable, response.
"Dude, we can't just do that," Alicia says. "What if our families are in danger? I can't just ignore this!" She begins to tear open the top of the envelope, and that seems to be everyone's cue. Hikari's first to officially open hers, gripping it from both sides and splitting it in two, sending a grey powder flying in all directions. This stuff stinks like my grandma's house. I cough and splutter as I inadvertently breathe some of the powder in, my lungs feeling as though they're being seared and my eyes watering as the grey cloud floats around me.
I almost forget about my own envelope, but once I'm able to breathe normally once again, I tear along the top and open it delicately. As soon as I reach in, my hands feel something unpleasant. I pull the offending item out, and it's a lock of hair. Things just got really creepy. That's not all this envelope contains. Inside is a photograph, rather professionally developed, of my very own sister. What the fuck? I remember when this photo was taken, too. That was her first day of school. I flip it over and there's a message on the back. 'You know what you need to do if you want to see her again.' Emotional blackmail is the order of the day here.
"Grandpa!" Hikari cries, desperately trying to sweep up the grey stuff and put it back in the shredded envelope. Those must be his ashes, then. Makes sense, because my grandma was a compulsive chain-smoker who got through fifty a day and her entire house was filled with ornate ashtrays that smelled exactly like this. "What have they done to you?"
"Looks like they cremated him," I quip. Perhaps not the best idea as Hikari begins weeping over the loss of her grandfather again.
"He was on our mantelpiece!" Hikari says, sobbing. "That means someone went into our house! They stole him and poured him out into this!" Poking out from beneath the ashes is a photograph. I dust some of the ashes off it and see that it's a photo of a hearth. The mantelpiece is full of weird ornaments, including an urn that looks like it was made by a kindergartner. Presumably, that's where these ashes were being stored. Hikari's attempts at trying to clean up are hopeless because of the way she completely destroyed the envelope, and her frustration at being unable to properly complete this task makes her cry even harder. I can't watch this. This is too much for me to take.
"C'mere, you," I say to Hikari, crouching to her level and reaching my arms out to her. She stops trying to sweep up the ashes for a moment and practically falls into my arms, covering us both in her grandpa's remains. "I'll fetch a dustpan and brush and we can sweep him up properly, okay?" Hikari nods her head, unable to form words between her sobs. I run my fingers through her long, luxurious hair, almost losing myself in it. I kiss Hikari's cheek and let her know I'll always be there for her, especially in times like this.
"You've always been so good to me, Shinji," she says, her voice hoarse and cracked from crying. "I don't deserve you."
"Don't say that," I reply reassuringly. "Of course you do. Don't let Monokuma's nonsense get to you. I bet these aren't even your grandad's ashes." That would be so typical of Monokuma. He's highly likely to be bluffing. A photograph and some random ashes are easy to get hold of. Same with the lock of hair. The colour may match, but nothing proves it actually belongs to my sister. If we had some sort of DNA testing facilities in here we could prove it, but of course there's nothing like that on any of the floors we've discovered so far. I'd be willing to bet it's on the next one.
"I hope not," Hikari says. The flow of tears is still yet to be stemmed, understandably so, but she tries to put on a brave face. Doesn't quite work when your eyes and cheeks are wet and your face is covered in ashes. I kiss her again, on the lips this time, and she seems to enjoy that. Playfully, she bites my bottom lip, not hard enough to break the skin but enough to make me wince. Her mood is definitely picking up now.
"You stay here and make sure nobody steps in the ashes," I command as I rise to my feet. "I'm gonna find something to sweep up with." Hikari gives me the thumbs up and starts humming a tune. I know the damn thing but I can't name it. It's a love song, that much I remember, but the name and artist are a mystery. Passing through the cafeteria, I witness some of the reactions of the others to their own envelopes. Haruki's longingly clutching some sort of tatty plastic wristband, Alicia's poring over a family photo and Daisuke is attempting not to convulse with rage while staring intently at a perfectly folded origami crane. There's some odd reminders here, and I note as I leave the cafeteria that not one of them is something that couldn't have been rather easily reproduced. That's my theory. Monokuma's trying to get us to believe he's got our families held hostage by producing items that could conceivably belong to them, but most likely don't. The lock of hair is probably the scariest one, but that could easily belong to someone else. Easily. It must do. Haruka hates having her hair cut.
I root around in the back of the laundry room closet, knowing there'll be something in here to clean up with, and it doesn't take me long to find the dustpan and brush I'm after. It occurs to me that I'm going to have to find some sort of container for the ashes because Hikari's not going to allow me to just throw them away. I can't prove to her that they don't belong to her dead grandparent, but I'm pretty sure that they're not even human. Hell, are they even organic? Monokuma could've just incinerated a chair and stuffed the envelope with that.
When I emerge from the closet, I find Eizou sitting next to the washing machines, looking at the photograph Monokuma must've put in his envelope. Next to him is a neatly folded pile of white linen sheets. I peer over his shoulder and see that it's a rather beautiful landscape photo of a beach. The sea is a rich blue colour, the sand is soft and golden with a few pebbles strewn here and there, and there's hardly a cloud in the sky.
"Mum took this," he says, obviously realising I'm hovering over him. "This was one she was always really proud of. She said it was the best picture she ever took. I have so many memories of that day…" He sighs, putting the photograph down in his lap and allowing his head to drop. "Am I ever gonna see her again? Will I ever see a view like this again?"
"I'd like to say 'yes, you definitely will,'" I reply, "but nothing's certain."
"Yeah, thanks for that. Really cheery thought, that." He reaches into one of his vast pockets and brings out a lump of grey rock. "This rock… I found this the same day this was taken. Reminds me of home. I miss being out there on the open sea, battling against the waves and never knowing what was coming next. I'd give anything to be back out there right now."
"Don't go killing anyone now," I warn. "You've seen what happens if you try that. Don't wanna be on the end of that, do you?"
"I guess not," Eizou says, crestfallen. "It's just… we've been looking for ways out for days. I'm beginning to think we might not find one."
"Don't give up on that idea," I tell the mariner. "If we keep looking, there'll be some way out. This place can't be completely airtight. There's gotta be some sort of sneaky secret exit somewhere, and if anyone can find that, it'll be you." Eizou fiddles with the rock in his hand, turning it over in his palm and flicking it between his fingers.
"Yeah, maybe." He stuffs the rock back in his pocket and puts the photo back inside his envelope. "Look, I've got more of these sheets to fold, so I'll let you get on your way, mate. Thanks for stopping by, though."
"No problem," I say as I walk away, leaving the amateur geologist to his sheet-folding. Bit of an odd way to pass the time but if it keeps him sane, fair play to him. As I cross the corridor back to the cafeteria, it finally sinks in precisely what Monokuma is doing. He knows how close some of us are getting, and by showing us what's become of those we love on the outside, he's forcing us to make a choice between the people we've met in here and the family out there. For many, that's a tough choice to make. I just hope everybody makes the right choice…