Chapter 37: Half-Lie and Run Away
The craft lords are discussing how to contact Hayato for further information. I should have just told them to talk to Hayato from the start. Even if Hayato told them what kind of proposition the spirit could have made, it wouldn't have been as embarrassing as actually saying it. Then again, if the spirit managed to hide that detail from Hayato then this could be troublesome.
Sakuro's cooking is always great, but today I've lost my appetite. "May I be excused now?"
"Oh? You don't like it?" I can't look at Master Sakuro, I'm still too embarrassed.
"I don't have much of an appetite right now..." I just want to go home to the Silver Guild and focus on drill engines until I can think of nothing more.
"That's too bad, it seems my cooking has failed today..." is Master Sakuro really that disappointed just because I won't eat? Or is it that I hurt his curry pride?
"Sorry..." I really am sorry Master Sakuro, but don't feel like being here. I head for the door and stop. "Master Kouren..." I was thinking about speaking to her alone later. If knowing exactly what kind of motivation the spirit used to try to bribe me is truly that important, then I shouldn't hold out on this information, but I really don't want to talk about it, "never mind."
"Wait, I would like to speak to you again later." I nod accepting Kouren's request then leave the craft lords to discuss the situation.
I might have half lied to the craft lords, or more like let them interpret a blurry piece of truth, but I can't lie to myself. The truth is that I regret bringing Sakuro the bottle. I should have just smashed it or thrown it into the ocean. Though I'm not sure what that would have done or if it would have been any good for Hayato, but I know I wouldn't be blamed because it would have been so easy to truthfully say my intentions were good. I know I'm selfish to think this way, but I acted too naive today and it led to an uncomfortable moment not easily forgotten.
I went back to the Silver Guild and worked diligently all day. Even Master Bron was surprised by how hard I worked. In truth, I just wanted to keep my mind occupied.
Later that evening, when most craft knights have called it a day, I was still assembling drills until I ran out of materials. I carried the last box of drills to Master Bron down stairs and with some difficulty set it down. "Another one?" Bron was surprised; he really thought I was done after that last box of finished products.
"Yes, but I ran out of materials..." I admitted.
"Well you did a good job today," at least Master Bron is in a good mood. He must have been remembering dancing with Amariss.
"Thanks, I'll go get more materials now." I'm not tired enough to fall asleep, not with so much on my mind and I don't want to go to bed until I can fall asleep instantly. I don't want to lay awake thinking about this.
I start to head out and Master Bron stops me, "you really have done enough for today, you should take a break."
"Okay then, I choose to go train at the labyrinth. I want to improve," that is not a lie, though it's not the only reason why I'm going. I left before Master Bron could say anything else.
I navigated the labyrinth down to the basement level twelve without using the teleporter. The waters are shallow and I don't care about getting wet, though the feeling isn't exactly pleasant either. I didn't take my water scooter, that thing hates me.
I opened a door to walk across one of the rooms of level twelve, to go out the other end of the room and down the stairs. But it did not proceed as planed, for Kouren was in that room. "I was expecting you." I certainly wasn't expecting her. She must have tried to find me at the Silver Guild and Master Bron revealed my location. Either Kouren passed by and I didn't see her while I was fighting stay summons, or she used the teleporter.
"About the bottle..." I half asked, half guessed.
"Yes, about that. I would like to listen to the details. It must be hard but you need to be strong and be true to yourself." I'm not entirely sure what Kouren means, but I feel as if she's asking a question to which she already knows the answer.
"What do you mean?" Maybe I'm asking a question to which I deep down already know the answer too.
"If you love Sakuro just say it. It was your fear and doubt that attracted that creature to you. Your love is tainted." Just who does she think she is making such assumptions? She was somewhat accurate but still...
"It's not like that!" I stubbornly hold my ground and almost unconsciously start to get defensive.
Kouren can easily see I have tensed up. "For a long time I have loved Shintetsu." I can't believe Kouren would admit it so openly. "I tried to replace him with Sakuro and came so close to succeeding. In fact if I give it a little more time, it might just work."
I grit my teeth and my response comes as a growl. "Good for you, but what does that have to do with me?"
"I'm trying to save you from making my mistake, so you could show some appreciation." I stare at Kouren with wide eyes. "There is no such a thing as a half truth and a half lie is still a lie, as are intentional misunderstandings. Running away from your problems won't make them go away either, but I guess you have a history of that don't you? When you think you're not good at something you just turn away from it."
"No one is good at everything, not me and not you, no one. I can be stubborn for some things, believe me I can; but that doesn't mean I'll stubbornly pursue a goal that no longer interests me, just to prove I won't give up. I can decide for myself when I'm quitting out of disinterest and when I'm backing out, no one needs to point it out, I know the difference." I find it pointless to torture myself practicing something I'm bad at when I don't want the reward that badly. Such is the case with the forging of weapons other than drills. But if the reward is good enough, then I'll stick with it, such is the case of the labyrinth.
"Then you should know that hiding your feelings is useless." I can't ignore the fact that Kouren is either very confident, or just plain bold, enough to openly say she loves or loved a man who was married to someone else and has already died.
I can't even openly say I have a crush on two single men. But there are also big differences between us. She's a beautiful and strong craft lord and I'm just an average girl. Even so I have my pride and just this once I will do something foolish to prove my bravery. I have no intentions of fighting, I know I can't win, but at least I'll speak up. "Fine then I'll admit it so I hope you're not a tattle tell. I like Sakuro, I like Ureksa, and I have already decided not to lift a finger about it. I'll let the crushes fade out on their own and that will be the end of it." I think she just wanted me to admit this, I think she was trying to get me to stop running from the truth. But even if I stare it down, the truth doesn't change. I wonder what's the point?
To be Continued
Disclaimer, I do not own Summon Night: A Swordcraft Story.