Chapter Thirty-Seven
Elizabeth slept badly. She had spent half the night sitting on the seat at her bedroom window, staring into the gloom, considering what Mr. Bingley had meant by his remarks. When Mr. Darcy had proposed, she had not doubted his sincerity for one moment, but now… now… she was unsure and that made her angry with herself.
Fortunately, Mrs. Bennet was too occupied with wedding plans to notice her pallor when she joined her sisters for breakfast, although Lydia noticed.
"Lizzy, are you unwell?" asked Lydia, helping herself to a large amount of ham.
"I am very ill."
"I think she's jealous," said Kitty in a loud whisper.
"Jealous. What would Lizzy be jealous of?" asked Mrs. Bennet.
"She is jealous that Jane is to be married," said Kitty, dissolving into giggles.
"Kitty, please," remonstrated Jane quietly. "There is no need for this."
"Jealous. Jealous," repeated Lydia in her most annoying manner.
"I am not jealous, I assure you," said Elizabeth sharply.
"Well, if that snake Charlotte Lucas had not intervened with Mr. Collins you would now be married," said Mrs. Bennet plaintively. "Instead we will all soon be thrown out in the streets."
"Mama, that is not going to happen. Mr. Collins has said so. He and Charlotte are very happy at the vicarage in Hunsford."
"Yes, but for how long, Lizzy? Your poor father would never have wanted this to happen to us. I will have no choice but to throw myself on the mercy of my dear brother."
"Mama. Aunt Gardiner is expecting another child, you know that," said Lizzy, deciding her head ached too much to have much to eat.
"And what has that to do with anything, pray? He is my brother. He should be looking after me. He cannot expect me to be without a home."
"Mama, Mr. Gardiner would never do that," said Jane soothingly. "Now Mrs. Phillips is coming to visit this morning and you must not upset yourself."
Peace was quickly restored thanks to Jane and they finished their meal with no further drama.
Later that day, Elizabeth was delighted to receive a letter from Georgiana who at last seemed very happy. She didn't seem to mind the haphazard living arrangements and Mr. Darcy had employed an extra maid to help in the home. It seemed Georgiana was learning a great deal.
Mary has been pushing me to try my first big canvas, she wrote. I have never drawn anything very large, so I was a little apprehensive, but Elizabeth, she is so encouraging and so generous with her knowledge. When we are not painting, we go for long walks and collect stones and seaweed from the beach to use as inspiration. I have never been as happy as I am now and this is all down to you.
Elizabeth was happy to hear that Georgiana was so content. Of Wickham she said nothing, so she only hoped that Georgiana's broken heart was mending as she immersed herself in her art.
She sat down to reply immediately and they were all sitting quietly in the morning room when Kitty suddenly looked up from her embroidery and called to Jane.
"I think Mr. Bingley is on his way here."
Mrs. Bennet looked excited. "Oh Jane. He is so very attentive. It is always such a pleasure to see him."
"I think there is someone with him," said Lydia, going to the window and peering out.
"Who is it?" asked Mrs. Bennet.
"Mr. Darcy," said Lydia in a bored voice.
Mrs. Bennet looked very vexed. "Oh no… how could he? This is most trying of him. Lizzy, you must keep him occupied. I will not have him interfering between Mr. Bingley and Jane."
"Mama, I'm sure he wouldn't," said Jane quickly.
"Oh yes, he would. The man has no manners. And I can't think what he is doing here. Did he not send you away from Kent, Lizzy?"
"Mama, that is all forgotten," said Elizabeth, dreading the thought of her mother questioning Mr. Darcy.
"No, it isn't, Elizabeth. However, even if he has no manners, I know how to behave."
Lydia and Kitty giggled and Jane and Elizabeth exchanged pained looks between them. Both were very aware of their mother's often inappropriate behaviour and her tendency to embarrass herself.
However, on this occasion they need not have worried because Mrs. Bennet was in awe of Mr. Darcy and apart from saying "Good day" to him coolly, she was rendered speechless. The gentlemen did not even sit down before Mr. Bingley suggested that they all walk towards Meryton.
Mary could not be persuaded to leave her books, but the others all agreed. Mr. Bingley and Jane led the little group with Kitty and Lydia chatting animatedly together. Elizabeth worried about what they were talking about as the two of them often planned some nonsense together. She walked alongside Mr. Darcy, but he seemed disinclined to talk and the silence between them felt awkward.
As they approached the turning towards Lucas Lodge, Maria and Lady Lucas appeared. After greeting everyone they fell into step with Kitty and Lydia, as they too were on their way to Meryton, and soon the girls were chatting together very conspiratorially with Lady Lucas looking indulgently on.
Elizabeth was relieved and she continued to walk with Mr. Darcy at her side. It was a beautiful day, though there was a slight chill in the air.
Mr. Darcy suddenly stopped. "Miss Bennet, I need to talk to you, to explain."
Elizabeth could see the strain in Mr. Darcy's face. "Yes, sir."
"After last night, I am sure you must have some questions. Mr. Bingley implied, albeit accidentally, that I was only marrying to satisfy a clause in my father's will."
"Is it true?" asked Elizabeth.
Mr. Darcy looked directly at her and she found her cheeks growing red under his intense gaze. "In part it is true. My father stipulated in his will that should I not marry within five years of his death, I would forfeit my right to run Pemberley and it would pass to my uncle."
Elizabeth was shocked. "And when is your time up?"
"There is six months to go."
Elizabeth did not understand. "But why would he do such a thing? It is so very strange."
"I cannot disagree with you and I was very upset when I learned of it. I looked at every legal avenue I could but it seems that there is no choice but for me to marry."
"But why would your father risk the future of Pemberley?"
"It is a question that I have asked myself many times," said Mr. Darcy as they started to walk again. "I have learned that he was worried that I would never marry."
Elizabeth gave a small smile. She knew all about the pressure to marry.
"My father was very happy with my mother and when she died giving birth to Georgiana I witnessed how much he changed. I vowed then I would never take a wife. I did not want to love and then lose them."
Elizabeth thought for a moment. Something didn't seem quite right. "But why, sir, did you just not marry anyone? You did not have to love them to ensure Pemberley was yours."
Mr. Darcy did not immediately answer her.
An uncomfortable thought suddenly occurred to her. "But you did. You offered me marriage even though you thought I was not suitable."
"The first time, yes, but I was thinking more about Georgiana. I thought you would feel it was your duty and although I wanted more, I was prepared to settle for less. Even though I kept denying it, I had feelings for you, that I was struggling to hide."
"And when I didn't do my duty?" asked Elizabeth with more than a touch of sarcasm.
Mr. Darcy flinched at her tone. "I was angry. I could not understand why you would turn me down. I was offering you wealth, a comfortable home and I believed that would be enough."
"A great catch indeed," said Elizabeth quietly.
"Yes, I was wrong. I still recall you telling me that I had behaved in an ungentlemanly manner and I cannot deny it. I can only say once again that I am sorry." Mr. Darcy suddenly swung around so he was standing directly in front of Elizabeth. "When I said last night that I loved you, I meant it. If you decide that you cannot marry me, then I must lose Pemberley, because there is no other woman I will ever love as much as I love you."
The tears were sliding down Elizabeth's face and she shyly thanked him and with more assurance than the day before told him just how much she had come to admire and love him and they carried on their walk as the rest of their little party disappeared over the horizon.