I Am NOT Going Through Puberty Again!
A Naruto crackwut
By
EvilFuzzy9
Rating: T...ish
Genre: Humor/Parody
Characters/Pairings: Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, Hinata; [NaruHina, SasuSaku]
Summary: Our heroes did not come from a future where everything has gone horribly wrong. They did not travel back in time to save the world from a bleak or miserable fate. As a matter of fact, all they want to do is find a way back home as soon as possible. [cracky, epilogue-compliant time travel fic]
Hokage's Office
Timeline Beta
The Past
Clang, clang, clang.
Chitter, chitter.
"Ho ho ho..."
Chuckling amusedly to himself, Hiruzen turned the key protruding from the back of the toy monkey and watched as it once more banged its cymbals then bared its teeth, clever clockwork mechanisms causing it to produce a clicking, chattering sound. The Sandaime smiled at the little toy monkey dressed in miniature hokage robes.
It was a fascinating contraption, this tiny simian effigy of himself, something he had only recently stumbled across while going through some of his old things. Idly, he tried to remember how he had come into possession of it.
He felt like he had a faint memory of a traveling craftsman presenting this to him as a sort of tribute... or maybe he had bought it at a festival? Or had Jiraiya sent it to him in a callow jest? He could not rightly recall.
...well, it wasn't like the ORIGINS of the toy particularly mattered. It was an amusing distraction either way.
Chuckling to himself yet again, the Third Hokage once more turned the dial.
Danzo glowered.
"Please don't ignore me, Hiruzen," he said, tapping fingers on the handle of his cane.
"Nonsense," Hiruzen absently replied. "I'm not ignoring you, old friend. You have my full attention."
"Really, now?" Danzo eyed the toy monkey with a scowl. "You have an interesting way of showing it, if that is the case. What was I just talking about, then?"
"Increased funding for research and development," Hiruzen promptly replied.
"No," Danzo said, his one eye twitching. "That's not even close."
Hiruzen cocked an eyebrow.
"Are you sure?" he wondered skeptically. "I know what I heard. You were most assuredly talking about the budget."
"That is a terribly weak bluff, Lord Hokage," Danzo drawled. "Puerile mind games won't distract me from the matter at hand."
Hiruzen stared at the other man.
A long, pregnant silence passed between them.
Danzo twitched and glared at the toy in his leader's hands.
"...Put down the monkey, Hiruzen."
"No, thank you. I quite like the monkey," was the Hokage's response.
"Put it down," Danzo repeated, a hint of steel entering his eyes.
"No."
"Damn you, Hiruzen, put that blasted monkey down NOW!"
"You can have it when you pry it from my cold, dead fingers."
A beat.
"I... I didn't say—oh, for heaven's sake. I don't want the damn thing for myself!"
"Well, then," Hiruzen smoothly said, turning the dial again and causing the toy to once more chitter and bash its cymbals. "I don't see what our problem is.
"Hiruzen," Danzo softly, dangerously whispered. "Put that monkey down and look at me."
"No, I'd rather not."
Danzo exhaled, tensely gritting his teeth, and with some effort he tried to repress a rising urge to strangle his old friend and rival. Between Hiruzen's refusal to look him in the eye and the accursed, tinny clatter of that obnoxious noise-maker, he did not have very much success.
"I swear to god, Hiruzen, either you put that monkey down or I WILL MURDER YOU!"
"That's nice, Danzo."
Clang, clang, clang.
Chitter, chitter.
"Ho ho ho..."
Danzo roared and snatched the toy monkey out of Hiruzen's hand, before turning and whipping that noisy sonuvabitch as hard as he could at the nearest wall. It crashed into the wood paneling, then slid down to the floor. Once more it banged its cymbals, looking remarkably unscathed.
Hiruzen gave his friend a disapproving look.
"Really, Danzo? There was hardly any call for that."
Danzo glared daggers at the Sandaime.
"Are we going to completely ignore the elephant in the room, then?" he said lowly.
"I'm not sure what you mean," Hiruzen airily replied.
Irritably, Danzo jabbed a finger in the direction of Naruto Uzumaki, who had spent the entire duration of their exchange quietly perusing a scroll of jikuukan kinjutsu – forbidden space-time techniques, in other words. The old war hawk's one visible eye twitched violently, and his teeth audibly gnashed with a painful grinding sound.
"Oh, that," said Hiruzen blandly, as though he had only just remembered the boy's presence. "...What about it?"
"Why is he here."
"He can hardly take the scrolls out of the office," Hiruzen smartly answered. "Do you think this is a lending library?"
Naruto looked up from one of the unfurled scrolls and cocked an eyebrow. Sardonically, he said, "What, you mean it isn't? Huh. I guess that WOULD explain the lack of library cards and junk, but then what on earth was the point of doing my Sexy Librarian Jutsu?"
"What would be the point of not using it whenever you have the slightest excuse?" Hiruzen said in return.
Naruto laughed.
Danzo glowered at both of them.
"I absolutely despise you two," he said. "Utterly and completely, with every last ounce of my soul."
"That's nice," Hiruzen said pleasantly, smiling and clasping his hands.
"Yeah, that's nice, gramps," Naruto added cheekily. He then paused.
Danzo looked ready to scream and rip his hair out by the roots.
Cafeteria
Timeline Gamma
The Future
...and so it has been decided that I shall pay you a visit, not as the Lord Fifth Kazekage, but as a close personal friend. I hope my presence will not overly tax you, for I do not wish to worsen your condition (whatever it may be) but I can hardly stand by and do nothing while you are ill.
Look to my arrival within the next fortnight. It is only with significant reluctance that I forestall my departure by even this little, but I daresay that you more than most can understand the difficulties of arranging for any manner of personal trip as one who holds the title of "Kage".
Ideally, this message should reach you well ere my arrival, but I understand that anything can happen on a mission. Still, I trust that no matter which ninja of my village is charged with delivery of this missive, they will do everything within their power to accomplish their task in a prompt and professional manner...
Shikamaru paused, glancing up from the unfurled scroll in his hand, and looked askance at the androgynous young Sand chuunin whom Yamato had escorted to the cafeteria right as he and his wife were finishing up with their lunch.
Part of him puzzled at Gaara sending a letter by foot rather than calling or sending an e-mail. Or hell, even at least just using a proper courier ninja – Naruto might have been blacklisted by the guys, but that had never stopped them from delivering to Konoha in general. But whatever, that wasn't the point.
He hummed to himself, idly eyeing the sandy haired youth. They averted their gaze sheepishly in response, although there was no way they could have been aware of what the letter said. But then maybe they just had a general common sense awareness of how UNREASONABLY LONG it had taken them to carry this message hither. The date at the top showed that the letter had been written fifteen days ago. Half a month. Konoha and Suna were not nearly that far apart.
Moreover, Shikamaru was not ignorant to how long a fortnight was.
He looked sideways at Temari, his wife, who had just been about to part ways with him when Yamato first showed up with this messenger in tow. She met his eyes with a knowing look, and even without reading the letter over her husband's shoulder she would've been able to guess its contents.
He grimaced.
"When you say your brother called you the other day..." Shikamaru began.
"Two and a half weeks, or so," Temari said, looking a touch sheepish despite herself. "Give or take. Honestly, I only remembered it today because I saw someone who looked just like Gaara on the way here."
She pursed her lips, then, and furrowed her brow. A vein throbbed in her temple.
"In hindsight, it probably WAS him," she muttered, sounding a touch miffed. "He didn't even bother to say hello, though, and there's no way he didn't see me..."
"...Fuck," Shikamaru groaned. "So Gaara's in the village and no one bothered to tell me. Fantastic."
The Sand-nin looked distinctly contrite upon hearing this.
"Oh. M-My apologies, Shikamaru-sama. If I'd known the letter was that important..."
Temari gave the kid a disapproving look. They quailed under her stern gaze.
Shikamaru sighed.
"Yamato, go inform Shizune-san that the esteemed Lord Kazekage has chosen to pay us a visit. Leave it up to her judgement what to do about her patients." He nodded to the ANBU captain and gave him a meaningful glance.
Yamato made a good effort at biting back the weary, frustrated moan that threatened to leak out, but he couldn't quite hide the miserably dammit I knew this would happen look on his face.
Then Shikamaru glanced over at his wife. His expression was half imploring and half exasperated.
Temari smiled sympathetically.
"I'll help, see if I can't find my dear baby brother," she offered.
Shikamaru looked ready to kiss her.
"Thank you," he said. "That means I just have to contact Lord Hokage. Hopefully this news won't be too much of an unpleasant surprise to him."
"...shit," Kakashi miserably groaned under his breath. Inwardly he felt a new gratefulness for the mask covering his mouth. That made it a lot easier to pretend he was smiling. More loudly, next, he said, "Ah, um. Hello, Kazekage-sama. What brings you here?"
Shikamari and Temari looked at each other, standing outside the ajar door to the Hokage's office.
In unison, they sweatdropped
"W-Well... This simplifies the first step, at least," Temari murmured.
"What a day," Shikamaru sighed.
Gaara, the Lord Fifth Kazekage of the Hidden Sand Village, greeted Kakashi, the Lord Sixth Hokage of the Hidden Leaf, with something that might have been a delicately arched eyebrow (had he any eyebrows to arch) as well as a more readable silent stare. Looking as clean cut and professional as he did, there was something doubly potent to his glance, and Kakashi did well to react only as much as he did.
The Hokage folded his hands atop the desk and quietly matched Gaara's stare.
Shikamaru and Temari hesitated outside the door. No matter how mature or experienced a person grew, there were just some things in which no sane person would want to interfere, and this was by and far one of the biggest ones. There was a limit to what discipline and willpower alone could get a person to dare.
"Hello, Lord Sixth," Gaara said in as even a tone as ever. "Please, call me Gaara. As I said in my letter, I come here not in any official capacity as the Kazekage, but simply as a friend of Naruto's. I understand he is unwell?"
Something shrewd and dangerously calculating glinted in turquoise eyes, but the rest of his expression betrayed nothing overall.
A single bead of sweat trickled down Kakashi's brow.
"Ah, yes... something along those lines," he said, clearing his throat and bluffing as truthfully as possible. "Sakura is also under the weather, and it's taken both myself and Tsunade-sama to keep things running smoothly in Naruto's absence, so you can understand the delay in their recovery."
"Is their condition life-threatening?" Gaara queried. "I haven't heard anything from Naruto in a few months, and while by itself that would only be mildly disconcerting as we are both very busy men, adding on the news that he has been on medical leave... well, I daresay you can understand why I might be concerned."
"Yes, of course..." Kakashi nodded. Diplomatically, he added, "Well it's not dangerous, per se, but it has left him and the others, ah, less than fit to carry out their duties."
It was difficult at the best of times to balance disclosure and secrecy, particularly in matters only tangentially related to the political panacea that was "security", and Gaara was both highly perceptive and a very close ally. He would need to be drunk, concussed, and unconscious not to see the signs of all the details Kakashi was omitting.
Gaara narrowed his eyes infinitesimally.
"Unfit in what way, I wonder? Surely you don't mean to say that he is not even in the state to meet with a visitor? A friend and well-wisher, if nothing else."
"Hrm, well he is rather disoriented, as are the others," Kakashi said. His eyes flitted to the left as he then added, "The medication they are on has some side effects. It might be difficult for them to recognize you."
"What is he suffering from, then?"
Kakashi looked Gaara straight in the eye.
"It's very complicated," he said. "I can barely explain it, myself."
"Can you give me a general idea, at least?" Gaara asked. "Even if my friend is tranquilized and barely coherent, I still wish to pay him a visit."
Kakashi slowly nodded, and his eyes wandered marginally over the room. He chanced to look out the ajar door and spy the Naras eavesdropping, or at least inasmuch as anyone with their elite rank and sky high clearance could realistically get to dropping eaves.
The Rokudaime's eyes crinkled in a smile.
"Mm... Well, your sister and brother-in-law can probably explain it better than I can." He gestured to the door, beckoning the Naras in.
Shikamaru sighed.
Temari cursed under her breath.
Gaara turned and eyed them expectantly.
Hyuuga Manor Training Grounds
Timeline Beta
The Past
"Very good, Neji-niisan, Hanabi-chan. Just like that. Step, step, pivot and jab," Hinata serenely called out to her cousin and baby sister. A calm smile adorned her face while bulging, pearlescent byakugan surveyed their practice from the corner of her eye.
A calligraphy brush daubed with bluish-gleaming black ink swept gracefully down a scroll resting on Hinata's lap, sharp yet daintily controlled movements minute enough that one unfamiliar with the concepts of writing or drawing might be forgiven for mistaking them as arthritic spasms swiftly yet precisely forming the neatly flourished strokes of kanji and kana. Her text was flowery enough to betray that she was well-versed in the arts of traditional calligraphy, while still being neat and simple enough to be jotted down economically and efficiently. Her writing was small but clear, and already a third of the scroll was adorned with it
Hinata hummed to herself as she wrote, secure in the knowledge that neither Neji or Hanabi would try to sneak a peek. Not after the disapproving look she'd sent them last time, a maternal hiden that she had long ago perfected as the mother of two Uzumaki children, one of them a teenager. It went without saying that she had gotten extensive practice in guilting people with just a look.
Neji and Hanabi moved rhythmically and methodically through gentle fist sets, the elder of the two faltering a little more frequently than the younger. Superficially that might have seemed odd, but once you understood the situation it wasn't that surprising. Neji's arms, legs, and torso were being weighed down with five kilograms each, after all, for a collective weight of more than fifty-five extra pounds.
Maybe not that impressive on a set of dumbbells, but five kilos of constant weight on each limb as well as his core? Apply that resistance to every movement, and it represented an increasing drain on his strength and stamina over time.
So he and Hanabi were going through the sets at a reasonably equal pace. More importantly, this hindrance was helping Neji build up the speed of his strikes and dodges, although he had to alternate daily between training encumbered and training unencumbered so as to maintain a tight feel and precise timing with his movements.
Hinata took a moment from writing to massage her wrist, which bore a concealed weight thrice as dense as Neji's. It took her a conscious effort to hold back on compensating for the added resistance with strength-boosting chakra manipulation, but it was worth the concentration.
Still, a part of her mused that this was about the extent to which her young body could be physically conditioned without having adverse effects on future growth. Also probably around the same level as Lee had been at during the chuunin exams last time, though of course, at their current respective biological ages an extra year of growth could still make a world of difference, and Lee was doubtless capable of handling a third again this much weight, by now.
But that wasn't really important, merely a tangential musing on her part.
Hinata paused for a moment, lifting her brush from the paper. A thoughtful frown creased her brow as she tried to compose the next sentences in her head. She knew what she wanted to say, more or less, and she had by now made several of the critical points quite clear. There was a bit more still to be said, though, part clarification and part tying things all together. Now she basically just needed to bring it all to its conclusion without leaving too many loose ends.
She couldn't think of how to do this yet, however. Her composition was quite long, and reading through all the scrolls she had filled could easily become the work of a few days. There was probably a lot she had forgotten about. Heaven only knew how many details she had put into the text; a lot of it was fluff, "filler" as some might unkindly call it, pretty but meandering fat dumped out by her pen while trying to plan the next part.
Despite an extensive portfolio and modest reputation, she didn't have the habits of a professionally trained writer, and tended to fly by the seat of her pants with few if any real plans beforehand. And while this was not exclusively detrimental or without its own stylistic benefits, stream of consciousness plotting could easily drive her into a corner if she wasn't careful, whether she was writing a novel or composing a letter.
It was important to Hinata, too, that she got this down good and coherent now. It was a matter of pride as much as it was a matter of making sure her reader would at least get the gist of everything she was trying to say. Even if they didn't appreciate all of it, and even if they didn't necessarily understand the conclusion she reached, Hinata still wanted to get all of this said and done with.
Basically, writing was hard, and writer's block the coldest bitch this side of the ice queen.
But should that even really need to be said?
Sakura hummed cheerfully as she added a quick sketch and a few more notes, diagrams and explanations that would make the average person's head spin, to the contents of her scroll. It was very simplified by her standards, using language as broad and approachable as she could manage, though still only a rather well-read individual would be able to appreciate it all.
Sasuke, sitting next to her, glared at his own scroll. He clutched a brush in hand, fiddling it anxiously back and forth while chewing on his lower lip.
"This is tedious," he muttered. Looking sidelong at his wife, he added a touch imploringly, "Can't you do it for me, Sakura? Honey?"
"I shouldn't," Sakura said. "You know what Naruto said. These are important messages."
"It's inane. We shouldn't have to say these things at all."
Sakura silenced him with a stern look.
"We have to take responsibility," she said firmly. "Even if it's not our fault, we should still be adults about the situation."
"...Dammit, you have a point," he sighed.
"I always do," she said chipperly.
Sasuke stared at his paper for several moments more. His expression was blank, hand twitching. Pursing his lips, he wrote a single sentence.
Sorry about the arm.
He set his brush down and surveyed his scroll, on which that sentence – and ONLY that sentence – was written.
Then he noticed Sakura shooting him a dirty look.
"What?" he asked.
"Ugh. Give me that," she muttered, snatching the scroll away from her husband. "Honestly... sometimes you are just impossible, dear. I swear, if it weren't for that pretty face I wouldn't know what to do with you."
Sasuke smiled a hair sheepishly.
"Fair enough. But it is a very pretty face," he said.
"...Yes," Sakura agreed, grinning a bit wryly. "Yes, it certainly is."
Turtle Island
Timeline Gamma
The Future
"Yo, Hattsan listen up, I really gotta know!" rapped the bearded, aging Killer Bee without the slightest hint of irony or self-awareness, addressing his bijuu in the darkness of his meditative mindscape. "What's the deal, what's goin' on with our buddy Naruto?"
Gyuuki, the Eight-Tailed Oxtopus/Bull Demon/Ushi-oni, rumbled a noncommittal reply.
"How should I know, Bee? It's not as though I can read his mind, let alone from this far away."
Killer Bee, seated atop his bijuu pal's head inside the limitless shared metascape of their minds, stroked his beard thoughtfully. Then he grinned.
"Hey! Telepathy, don't you know, ain't that a bijuu thing? Yo, get on up and just like that, give Kurama a ring!"
Gyuuki blinked.
"...oh, that's right. I-I'd completely forgotten about that," he said. "Grandfather Rikudo even set up a special mental space for it in Kurama's seal, didn't he? Wow. That would have been really useful to remember back when those Otsutsuki jerks tried to abduct me. I could have warned Kurama in advance and everything."
Bee cocked an eyebrow and looked down at the hachibi.
Gyuuki flushed.
"Oh, shut up," he grumbled. "It's not like you're any better."
Bee laughed.
Grumbling, Gyuuki closed his eyes and reached out to the shared mindscape of the nine bijuu. He resonated his chakra with the matching seed of energy in Naruto's system, splitting his consciousness across time and space to interact directly with his sibling. If he had to describe the process, he'd compare it to quantum entanglement and theoretical FTL communication.
Except it wasn't really a theory for the bijuu.
Gyuuki winced a bit, feeling his awareness split and double as his chakra resonated with Kurama's, as well as his own in Naruto's system.
Ugh. This always gave him such a headache.
Kurama. Oy, Kurama, are you there? he thought in the direction of his brother. The Nine-Tails could be rather insufferable at times, but Gyuuki was used to it and prepared to deal with whatever petty bitching the fox might lodge at him for disturbing his beauty sleep. Kindly respond if you can hear me.
For a moment, there was only empty quiescence.
Then he perceived a belated stirring of will, and a great piercing eye of crimson. He felt his brother's chakra twist and swell like the current of a rising tide, massive in comparison to the seed of his essence planted in that space. The air shuddered with a rumbling noise, except there was no air and no noise, it was all thought and chakra and conceptual elements.
Hachibi? How are you... no, WHY are you...?
Kurama's visage took shape from a sea of red, the fiery essence of his soul, and Gyuuki shaped his own chakra to create a representation of himself as well. He frowned perplexedly, meeting Kurama's eyes.
"Don't you remember that telepathy space Grandfather Rikudo created after the fight against Kaguya?" he said.
"...oh, wow, I had completely forgotten," Kurama said. He then blinked. "Wait, how do you remember that? It hasn't even happened yet in this timeline, if it will happen at all."
"...Wait, what?" Gyuuki said. "Did you hit your head, Kyuubi? Er, and can concussions even affect us in the first place...?"
Kurama frowned. He eyed his brother shrewdly, lowering his ears and baring a few of his teeth. Hackles rose fractionally, just enough to betray a cautious wariness.
"What's the name of the Fifth Raikage?" he asked tersely.
"Ay," Gyuuki said without missing a beat.
"No, not his title," Kurama said peevishly. "His name."
Now Gyuuki frowned, thoroughly confused.
"It's Darui, of course. But why do you ask?"
There was an extended moment of silence.
"...what year is it?" he queried.
"Huh, I don't know. Do we even have an established calendar or count of years?" Gyuuki said, humming quizzically.
"...I have no idea," Kurama confessed, scowling and pensively scratching his muzzle. "Hmph. But this is strange," he said, "How you're able to talk to me like this. It seems like it's really you."
"It's telepathy," Gyuuki said, eyeing Kurama curiously. "We've had this since forever."
"No!" Kurama said, shaking his head. "I mean, since I got sent back in time with Naruto and the others, how the hell are we even talking?"
Gyuuki went silent for a long, awkward moment.
"Wait, what? Back in time?" he finally said after taking the time for that statement to sink in.
"Yes, hasn't it been a few months by now on your end? Surely people must have noticed their absence," Kurama said. "Or is the flow different between timelines?"
"...well then, I think I've just figured several things at once," Gyuuki said. "Damn. Uh... this is awkward. I had only been calling because Bee wanted me to ask about Naruto. We hadn't heard anything from him in a while, and Gaara had brought it up recently, too, which I guess really got Bee curious... but, this..."
"Thanks for caring about me," Kurama dryly snarked. "But I daresay you have your explanation, then?"
"Yes, yes..." Gyuuki muttered, frowning. "So I think I do."
Going silent, pensive, he broke off the connection.
He then opened his eyes and looked up at Bee.
"... ... ...okay, you are NOT going to believe this."
Hokage's Office
Timeline Beta
The Past
"I absolutely despise you two," Danzo said to Naruto and Hiruzen. "Utterly and completely, with every last ounce of my soul."
"That's nice," Hiruzen said pleasantly, smiling and clasping his hands.
"Yeah, that's nice, gramps," Naruto added cheekily.
He then paused, baby blue eyes going wide as dinner plates and a ruddy complexion paling considerably.
Danzo looked ready to scream and rip his hair out by the roots. His eye was bulging from its socket and his lips were so tightly pursed it looked like he had just been sucking on a lemon. Gripping the handle of his staff with enough force to make the wood audibly crack, he took a deep breath and opened his mouth.
But before he could go on a proper tirade, Naruto suddenly raised a hand to quiet him, and Danzo could only sputter disbelievingly. Naruto held a pair of fingers to his temple, slowly nodding as his expression grew more and more bewildered.
"Oh... oh, wow..." the blond murmured, looking frankly astounded. Turning to face Hiruzen, he opened his mouth. "Well, Kurama has just stumbled across a way to make contact with the other side."
Hiruzen choked, and Danzo stared.
"Th-That suddenly?!" said the former.
"Wait, who the hell is Kurama?" said the latter, still looking incredibly peevish.
Naruto blinked and looked at Danzo, as though suddenly realizing the man was still in the room.
"...okay, yeah, I might as well get this out of the way now," he said. "I'm from the future, Kurama is the Nine-Tails, and I think I might have just figured out a way to get us back home. Or at least a way to figure out a way."
Danzo gaped. He blinked once, twice.
Then, he grabbed his chest and fainted.
"Shit, I think I just gave him a heart attack," Naruto said. "We should probably call a doctor."
"Yes, we probably should," said Hiruzen.
He was silent for another moment, before giving the blond a pointed look.
"Oh, right!" Naruto said. "Duh. Keep forgetting we don't have phones in this time. Man, that's inconvenient..."
Mumbling those kinds of petty gripes to himself he formed a shadow clone, and it darted off before the smoke was even cleared. There was another moment of silence.
Naruto stood motionless. Hiruzen's eyes drifted to the toy monkey lying on the floor by the wall.
It stirred, as if activated by his glance.
Clang, clang, clang.
Chitter, chitter.
Despite themselves, the two Hokage weakly chuckled.
A/N: Interesting trivia! My real life surname is derived from a word meaning "testicles". This seems weirdly appropriate, given how perverted I can be in the privacy of my own home. Or when writing.
Especially when writing, haha.
And as another bit of interesting trivia, this bit: "Basically, writing was hard, and writer's block the coldest bitch this side of the ice queen" originally went had Frozen where instead of the ice queen, but for a variety of reasons I decided to change it. Half because some people might take offense at that or read something into it that isn't there, and half because I've never actually seen Frozen so referencing it feels a bit cheap, haha.
Additionally, in the nearly three weeks it took me to update this fic, it finally crossed the threshold of one million hits! Right as it's going into the endgame, too.
...I wonder if part of the reason I had so much writer's block with this chapter was because I'd wanted to try and write it with as few dirty jokes as possible? Just as a challenge to myself, mostly. Because those are what I usually resort to when I can't think of anything else...
Shiguma Rika must be my spirit animal. XD
Updated: 11-21-15
TTFN and R&R!
– — ❤