Been awhile, hasn't it? Happy All Saints Day!
So. I've been trying and TRYING to get this chapter together since January, and it's been in first-draft stage for even longer (try two tears, to be exact). I've all but given up hope that anybody is reading this, but if you are, then know that two years and seven months of Hard. Ass. Work. went into this chapter, and it's a long shot by now, but if you could please for the love of God TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK. If this story sucks and this chapter sucks the worst, I don't know if you don't tell me! I WANT this to be good! I WANT you to enjoy reading this! Please! Tell! Me! What! You! Think!
The phone rang early the next morning. Connor heard it first and stirred Renata awake as he slid out from beneath her to answer it and she turned to Murphy, still sound asleep and unsettled by the movement. He clutched at her and she moved closer to him, running her fingers through his hair as she studied his face, amazed as always at how young he looked when he slept.
"Hello?" Connor said into the phone. A slight pause, then a terse, "Aye. We can talk."
Renata twisted her head to look at him, mouthing silently, Who is it?
Smecker, he answered, and she felt cold all over at the name. "Sorry, what's that?... Ye're fuckin kidding me... Why did we think a that before? Aye, it's worth a shot... Thanks. We'll be there." He hung up the phone, brow furrowed in thought.
"What was that about?" she asked.
"When we hit the club, we got Yakavetta's second-in-command," he answered. "Turns out he was a regular."
"Who?"
"Vincenzo Lapazzi."
She nodded. "He was picky. There was only one girl in the whole place with the perfect rack to excite him."
"He never got a look at yers."
She smiled. "What about him?"
"Smecker thinks there's a chance someone at the club could know somethin about him that'll help us get ta Pappa Joe. He wants ta talk it over."
A lead weight in her stomach joined the cold feeling. There was no way that was all Smecker wanted to talk about, not after last night. "Talk it over?" she repeated, feeling worse saying the words aloud.
"He apologized for last night," Connor added, "said all this shit's gettin to him, an' I guess we're partly ta blame-"
"There wasn't supposed to be any digging!"
"Just for a way ta Pappa Joe. There's no way it could get back ta you."
"Connor..." Her throat tightened around the words. "I don't...I don't think that's all Smecker wants..."
"It'll be all right, Renata. Ye don't even have ta be there when we talk ta him." He ran a hand through his hair and it stood up in disarray. "We gotta get a move on. I wanna get ta church before we meet him." He crossed the loft as he spoke and went to the shower, and she watched as he turned on the water and adjusted the temperature.
The cold, leaden feeling within her shifted into something like melancholia. She had always enjoyed looking at the boys, they were so beautifully made, but she stared now with a longing touched by pain and desperation. How much longer did they have? How much time before everything they had built crumbled to the ground? It felt like they were moving too fast towards some forgone conclusion, and she needed to commit today to her memory, safeguarding against a tomorrow without them in it.
She watched as he lathered soap across his skin, water streaming over his body, and she loved the strength and power in him, revering the tenderness he tempered it with whenever he touched her. He was steady, straightforward; his word truly was his bond and his actions always followed suit. Knowing him that way, she felt safe with him in a way she hadn't for a very long time, even as her musings sent a knife through her heart. She knew him, she loved him, and she was more certain than ever she was going to lose him.
Murphy gave a bleary groan as he awoke, blinking a few times until his eyes adjusted. He caught sight of Renata entwined so close and he smiled. "Mornin," he greeted. She gave a noncommittal hum in response and he arched a quizzical eyebrow. "What's up with ye? Ye're fuckin salivatin like a dog over a bone." He turned and followed her stare to his brother's naked body in the shower and rolled his eyes dramatically. "Should I be jealous?"
She shook her head and leaned forward to kiss him, prompted by the same feeling of desperation and trying to convey all her love and adoration in the act. He took it all and gave it right back, tangling his fingers in her hair as he held her to him, his tongue sliding into her mouth. She shivered with pleasure and drew back just a little, catching his lip between her teeth and sucking. He moaned and pulled away. "Watch it," he warned. "Ye might start somethin ye can't stop."
She fitted her hand to his cheek and asked, "Do you love me?"
There was no doubt in his eyes as he nodded silently.
She sighed and pressed her forehead against his. He held onto her for a moment, then picked an empty pack of cigarettes off the floor beside the bed and chucked it at Connor. It hit him in the back of the head and he turned sharply, slipping a little on the wet floor. "What?" he demanded.
Murphy brushed Renata's hair away from her face, his injured hand moving awkwardly in the brace. "What do ye think of our woman?" he asked.
"Dunno. Get the fuck outta the way an' let me look at her, ye eejit."
Murphy edged away from her and flung the blanket off with a flourish, proudly putting her on display. Connor swept his eyes up and down her body, his gaze as tender and hungry as his caress, and said, "She's a fine thing, ta be sure, even if she's the craziest fuckin woman I ever met."
"Thank you," she said.
He chuckled, then spoke seriously. "An' for all that, she's tough, brave, loyal, with a good heart an' a lotta spirit, an' I think..." His eyes met hers and something in them softened even as something else burned, affection and desire rolled into one. "I think we'll have ta keep her, Murph." In retaliation for the pack of smokes, he threw a bar of soap at his twin and said, "Now make yerself useful an' get coffee goin."
Murphy smirked and got out of bed, parading himself around the loft for Renata's benefit. She didn't take her eyes off him as he busied himself with the coffee, not bothering to get dressed. He moved like a wild cat that had found itself indoors by accident, all feline grace with a devil-may-care attitude, and wild certainly was the word for it. She had seen both sides to him, strong and impassioned and at the mercy of his own emotions, and also gentle and compassionate and somehow even stronger because of his emotions. You couldn't tell just by looking at him he was one of the sweetest men she had ever known, and she loved him even more for it.
Her eyes went from one brother to the other and back again, and though she couldn't help but smile looking at them, she still felt that knife deep in her chest. Watching wasn't enough, she had to touch them, feel them while they were still hers, and hold onto them for as long as she could.
She caught Murphy's eye, gray and blue locking together and holding fast. Maybe it was in knowing for certain what he felt for her, but his gaze seemed more intense than ever, speaking with his eyes alone. She tried to listen, the last of her defenses falling and her soul opening to him, and he responded faster than she thought possible. She could sense it on the air between them, seeing everything he wanted to show her and hearing everything he was trying to tell her. For a single moment she wanted to look away, terrified to be so close to someone when it would only leave devastation in its wake, but he wouldn't let go, holding her captive without a touch, without even saying a word. Everything he was, all that lived in his soul was laid bare before her in its entirety, and it was overwhelming. No one had ever given her so much before; she felt like she was seeing Murphy MacManus for the first time. He pushed her fear aside with one look and she couldn't bring herself to hold onto it. Not right now. Not when she needed him in a way that went beyond thought or reason. Needed both of them. It burned hot and clear in her eyes, and she knew Murphy saw it and understood.
His gaze flicked to Connor, directing her towards his brother. She nodded and rose from the bed, treading softly in her bare feet. Her senses heightened with every step she took, the hard floor cold against her feet, the spray from the shower warmer as she neared Connor, and Murphy's eyes on her the whole while, searing her skin from across the room. She looked back at him and he nodded once, encouraging her on, and with that she turned back to Connor.
The lighter-haired twin was still oblivious at her approach, one of the rare times she had seen him unguarded and vulnerable. She moved slowly, laying a gentle hand on his shoulder as she joined him beneath the water. He tensed briefly in surprise but she trailed her fingers down his arm and met his eyes, her hands exploring his skin as her lips marked a path across his shoulders. She brought her hand up his arm again then down along his spine and he shivered beneath her touch, reaching down to fasten his fingers around her wrist as she settled at his hip. He turned to look at her again, water streaming over their bodies, drowning in each other's eyes, and she finally understood how he and Murphy could know each other's thoughts without saying a word. When you knew someone so well, when the love was strong enough, sometimes you just didn't need words.
Her hand still captive in his, she raked her fingers through his sopping hair and followed the curve of his jaw; he turned and drew her against his chest and she tilted her face up for a kiss. Their mouths met with a rush of sensation powerful enough to steal thought and leave her head spinning as fast as her heart was pounding. She twisted her fingers further into his hair and opened her mouth and his tongue twined around hers, plunging in and out as he rocked his hips into her, nearly making her knees buckle. He lifted his hands to her face and tilted her head back, exposing her throat to his hungry lips and moaning softly against her skin.
She twisted her head back to look at Murphy, watching her with Connor through eyes darkened with desire. A quick glance told her he was enjoying the interplay as much as they were, and she gave him a slight nod in silent invitation, calling him over.
He shook his head almost imperceptibly, gaze still riveted on her and his brother as he took a cigarette from the pack on the table and lit up, and she knew what he wanted to do, what he needed from her.
She turned back to Connor and stilled him with a hand on his cheek. He stared down at her and she gave a sideways look at Murphy; he locked eyes with his twin and looked back at her, understanding. Murphy wanted to watch them.
Renata slid to her knees and he closed his eyes briefly, breathing deeply and trying to will his heart to slow the fuck down as she moved her lips across the plane of his stomach, hands running along his legs from hip to ankle and back again. She paused before she reached his erection, her breath on his skin hot and tantalizing, and he waited an infinite moment before she finally opened her mouth and leaned forward, her tongue stroking him from base to tip. Another shiver rolled down his spine and he rested a hand on the crown of her head, inhaling sharply through his teeth as kisses replaced tongue. Her hand abandoned its journey along his leg and her eyes flicked up to his as she cupped and stroked his balls, watching the shifting light in his eyes before she took him into her mouth.
He cradled her head and held her in place, tiny bolts of pleasure already chasing through him as she sucked, just light enough to let the sensations climb. He didn't have Murphy's urgency, didn't want it hard and fast. She knew that, and she took her time. His head rolled back on his shoulders and he twisted his fingers into her hair, asking permission with the gesture. In answer, she covered his hand with hers and gave a soft hum and he groaned slightly, thrusting his hips forward and pushing himself farther down her throat.
Murphy couldn't tear his eyes away, the half-smoked cigarette in his fingers burning down to the filter unheeded. His brother and their lover creating a scene more erotic than any he could imagine...she was right about one thing. Whichever twin had her second went through a firestorm watching her with the first, coming to her desperate and hungry beyond words. It was why he didn't mind waiting his turn, and she knew it. As he stood watching her with Connor, cigarette forgotten, he felt himself go hard even as something deep inside reflected that he-they, had never met a woman who understood them as she did. She knew their needs and desires, she even took their calling in her stride... And the way it was between them right now, saying everything while saying nothing...it was like they were supposed to end up here.
As Connor often said, things happened the way they were meant to.
Renata must have done something that felt amazing, because Connor nearly toppled over, groaning loudly and clutching at her hair. It sent a thrill down Murphy's spine and sharpened what had been an insistent ache into an arousal that was more and more unbearable. The hand holding the cigarette shook violently and he fought the urge to grab himself and finish while he watched. Not yet...not yet...
As if sensing his twin's need, Connor forced his eyes open and reluctantly pushed Renata away. "Hold off, sweetheart," he told her in a ragged breath. "Murph's feelin neglected."
Murphy heard his cue and tossed his cigarette into the sink, crossing to the shower in a few swift strides. Renata automatically turned towards him as he approached but Connor stopped her. "On yer feet, girl," he insisted, and he took her pose and knelt on the tile. "Hold tight ta Murph," he told her as she stood. "Murphy, don't let her fall."
She reached behind her to cling to Murphy and he wound his arms around her obediently, never questioning his brother's instructions. Connor took her hips in his hands and pressed his lips to her navel, tracing patterns on her skin with his tongue. She read his intentions and already she could feel herself begin to come apart. "Oh God, Connor..."
He put one of her legs over his shoulder, leaving her balanced on one foot. He brushed his fingertips along the inside of her thigh, coaxing her body to open to him though she needed no such urging. That much was apparent when he slipped his fingers inside her and met soft, damp heat. "Be sure ta kiss him, Renata," he told her, "just like ye kissed me." Then his words were stilled as he put his mouth to her and devoured her.
She would have collapsed on the floor in moments if they hadn't held her up. Connor was sensual and sweet, stroking and lapping with careful attention, ever mindful of her responses. He returned her favor to him and gave her a slow burn, inciting her pleasure a little at a time with the exacting precision of a master at his work, the devotion of a lover committed to his partner's ecstacy, the unbridled worship of a penitent before his goddess. She wrapped her arms tighter around Murphy's neck and he held her closer against his chest as Connor adjusted her leg higher on his shoulder; their bodies wound so closely together combined with the falling water and her body's responses to Connor's care seemed to dissolve her boundaries and she could no longer tell where she was divided from them.
Holy fuck, she tasted so sweet and he couldn't get enough of her, his tongue delving deeper as her moans grew louder. He glanced up at her, her head thrown back onto Murphy's shoulder and her gray eyes fallen closed beneath rising ecstasy. He slid two fingers into her, seeking one bundle of nerves while his tongue worked the other, stroking hard then soft then hard again and feeling her muscles tighten around him. She let out a shrill cry and his cock throbbed in response. The thought of taking himself in hand while he was down on her, both of them coming at the same time, was tempting as sin but he restrained himself. Not yet...
Murphy held Renata tight in his arms, watching Connor lick and tease her ever closer to climax. She clutched at a handful of his hair and gave a high-pitched squeak and he chuckled, leaning close to her ear. "Ye promise ta make those sounds later when we're fuckin ye?"
She groaned louder, her hips arching closer to Connor's mouth. "Oh, fuck..."
"Ye will, won't ye?" he murmured, reaching up to pinch her nipple between his fingers, and she let out another gasp. "Ye won't be able ta help it, coz we're gonna make ye feel so fuckin good, aren't we?" He couldn't tell who moaned louder, her or Connor, so he kept going, placing gentle kisses on her cheek, jaw, and forehead. "Ye like what he's doin to ye?" he asked.
"Oh, God..."
"Is that a yes?"
"God yes! Yes!"
He cupped her chin and turned her face towards his. "Show us how much," he urged, "just the way he told ye to."
With a small whimper, she pressed her lips to his with such abandon he couldn't contain a whimper of his own. Her tongue danced in and out of his mouth and she gripped tighter at his hair, pouring herself into him. It was a kiss of desperate insanity, sparked by Connor's attention and fueled by her own response until Murphy wondered if he had lost his mind along with them, driven crazy by pure need.
Jesus Christ, she couldn't take much more. She would fall apart before long, shattering into a million pieces and leaving them to catch her up and put her back together. She moaned deep in her chest, even deeper than that...nearly there, oh God so close...
Murphy palmed her breast, tearing his lips away from hers. "Scream, girl," he said, a note of urgency in his voice, "scream for us..."
She toppled over the edge, seized by ecstasy so intense she couldn't have held it in if her life depended on it. She nearly fell away from them despite their hold on her as it surged through her body in rolling waves and for a moment she thought she would bring them all tumbling to the floor. But Connor rested a reassuring hand on her leg, fingers curling around her thigh, and Murphy nuzzled his face into her neck and promised, "It's all right, love, we got ye. We're not gonna let go." She dug her nails into his neck so hard she could feel the skin break and God only knew what shape Connor would be in once she stopped thrashing on him, but true to their vow they never let go, carrying her through to the other side.
She finally went still, feeling half dead and releasing the desperate grip she had on Murphy. Connor carefully set her foot back on the floor and stood, reaching out for her and helping Murphy support her. The dark twin kept his arms around her, laying gentle kisses on her neck and shoulder, and the light twin cradled her face in his hands and pressed his forehead against hers, brushing his thumbs along her cheekbones, her taste lingering on his tongue. He loved touching her, holding her, fucking her...more than all that, he loved her, plain and simple, giving her a place in his heart no one but his brother had held before. She trembled and quaked in the aftermath of the ecstasy he'd given her, and he felt a rush of pride-not to mention arousal-and he was more eager than ever to take his fill of her and find his release, but the way she felt so fragile in his arms, he wondered if he could ask that of her, and while he had never wanted her so badly, he would demand nothing of her she couldn't give. "We can wait, Renata," he said, "if ye've had enough."
"Aye," Murphy agreed softly. He felt likely to combust if he didn't get any release soon, but she was so helpless between them he couldn't think of getting his. He'd never seen her lost like this, like she'd flown away to a place he couldn't reach her, and he wanted to follow her, to find her wherever she'd gone and stay there for as long as he could...but only if she'd let him. It wasn't just that Annabelle MacManus had drilled respect for women into her boys since birth; he wouldn't push her, would put her needs above his, because her well-being meant more than his satisfaction. She meant more...damn it, he fucking loved her.
To their amazement, she shook her head, recovered but with that rush still chasing through her. "No," she told them, opening her eyes. "I want this." They must have hit the jackpot on hot water, and the feel of it striking her skin was soothing, revitalizing, and purifying all at once, and their closeness was all the encouragement she needed. Their bodies pressed close to hers still weren't close enough and they wouldn't be until...her breath hitched and she steadied herself, her voice strong and clear as she shared her wish. "I want both of you inside me. Together."
There was silence at her words, surprise and awe echoing with the falling water. Connor held her gaze, his blue eyes serious. "Are ye...are ye sure?" he asked.
She nodded. "I'm sure."
His eyes moved to Murphy pressed close behind her. His twin looked stunned, uncertain, and a little afraid, and Connor felt them mirrored inside himself, but he couldn't look into her eyes as he was and tell her no. He nodded as well. "All right, then."
In spite of his desire, Murphy's heart began to race with nerves and fear. He held her tighter to him and pressed his cheek to the crown of her head, trying to speak around the knot in his throat. "Is that really what-what ye want?"
"Yes," she said softly, her own throat tightening. She needed them both, before...before whatever else was going to happen, but she heard in his voice what Connor had seen in his face and knew she couldn't force his hand. "But," she added, the words heavy on her tongue but spoken with resolve, "if you're not sure..."
"We don't have ta do this," Connor added, "if ye'd rather not."
"I just..." He squeezed his eyes shut and sighed into her hair, "fuck...I just don't wanna hurt ye, love..."
There was a hot prickle in her eyes that felt like tears, though hopefully neither of them would notice. "You won't," she replied.
"How do ye know?"
"Because I trust you."
The answer surprised her nearly as much as them. Renata Malone, who never met a man who didn't let her down, who had all but given up on the entire sex, bestowing the very trust she'd been so adamant she would never give again. And now that it was out, she refused to take it back, desperate to give them everything she had. She took another breath and asked, "Can we do this?"
Connor looked at Murphy again, and Murphy lifted his head to meet his twin's eyes. "Aye," he said. "We can."
"Aye," Connor added, flashing his most charming smile. "Now come here." She leaned into him and he tangled his fingers into her hair, pulling her in for a kiss. His hands moved down her body, drawing her flush to him before cupping her ass and lifting her. She wrapped her legs tight around his waist as he stepped away from the shower, carrying her to bed and laying her back on the mattress. She was breathing faster, her heart pounding so loudly he could hear it. The look in her eyes brought him back to that rainy night when he held her on the edge of ecstasy and her soul came flooding out to his without saying a word. She didn't hide anything then and she wasn't hiding anything now, either, offering heart and soul if they wanted to take it.
"Murph," she said, "there's a bottle in my backpack..."
He took the hint and went to her bag, digging past her clothes, taking fresh condoms for Connor and himself and wondering how the fuck she could be thinking about drinking right now, until he found the brand new bottle of lube towards the bottom of the bag. He stared in momentary disbelief, then gave a half-chuckle and turned to her. "How long have ye been plannin this?" he asked.
"This, exactly?" she replied. "I didn't. But it never hurts to be prepared."
He laughed again as he returned to the bed and handed Connor one of the condoms. She watched both of them as they readied themselves, anticipation and apprehension running through every line of their bodies, and it hurt so badly just to look at them, she loved them so much. There was no way they could weather the coming storm, but for now...for now they were hers.
"How do ye want this ta work?" Connor asked her.
She beckoned him close again and he lowered himself down to her. She leaned up to him for another kiss then kept going, turning him onto his back so she was astride him. "Behind me, Murph," she added.
He edged forward on his knees, navigating the tangle of legs and moving towards her, kneeling at her back and drawing her wet hair over her shoulders. "Ye-ye want me here?" he asked.
She nodded. "I trust you. You're not going to hurt me."
He didn't reply, but combed his fingers through her hair and kissed her on the cheek.
"Are ye ready?" Connor asked.
She looked down into his eyes and nodded again. "Yes I am." She settled herself on his hips as she reached between them, lining their bodies together, and with one smooth motion she sank onto him and took him inside her.
She had lost count of how many times they had done this, and it was amazing every time, but something felt different. In wanting to hold onto the moment, she was more aware of everything than she had ever been, slowly sinking down onto him, feeling him deeper and deeper with every inhale and exhale until it seemed she was breathing him into her as well as taking his body. She reached for his hand and they didn't have to search to find each other, fingers twining together as their eyes met, and if that look he gave her was anything to go by, he was feeling her as deeply as she felt him.
She rolled her hips and her breath caught in her chest at the renewed friction, rooted not just in pleasure but in her heightened awareness of him. The shudder that passed through him rippled into her as well, shifting from him to her and into Murphy pressed against her back. Murphy's hands settled at her waist to draw her closer before she leaned back into Connor, whose hand in hers pulled her on before his free hand grasped at her hip, part anchor and part encouragement. She kept shifting between them and together they created a rhythm, moving into each other like waves against sand, rising and receding as something within her began to climb higher with every motion.
She was...God, she was amazing. She moved so slowly and it was a rush watching her, her body arching and rocking and her eyes fallen shut, her face a picture of rising bliss, and seeing it in her caused a rush in him, a desire to send her as high as he could and follow if it was possible. He timed his breath with hers and lost himself in the way she felt, in his hands and around his cock, and with every breath she took in that pulled him deeper, he moved farther inside her with every exhale. Not...not just inside her body, but inside her, moving through her breath and her blood as she opened herself to him farther than he ever thought possible, and it was impossible not to take what she was giving, and not give of himself as well. He cast his eyes over her shoulder at his twin; if she kept it up like this, Murph had no idea what was waiting for him.
The heat of their bodies so close was almost too much, she could swear she was melting into them wherever they touched. She could feel every breath, every heartbeat as they surrounded her, overwhelming her senses until she felt herself on the threshold of...something else. It wasn't just bodily pleasure, it was as if existence was falling away and her idea of herself along with it, merging irrevocably into them. She leaned down to Connor to brush her lips across his and murmur against his mouth, "Can we go faster?"
He nodded breathlessly, his hands roving across her skin to feel even more of her and she felt her edges disappearing again. "We gotta let Murph catch up first."
Murphy read the signal and she felt him move behind her, seeming to hesitate for a moment before putting his hands on her shoulders, kneading in slow, easy strokes. She rolled her head backward in enjoyment and Connor seized the opportunity to place his lips on her neck, kissing and trailing his mouth from one side of her throat to the other.
Murphy's hands worked their way down her back and she arched up into them, breathing deep and relaxing her body with every exhale. Her senses were filled with Connor, but she made room for Murphy without questioning how she could take it, as acutely aware of his fingers against her skin and the breath leaving his lungs as she was of Connor's hand clasped with hers and his cock as deep as she could take him. Murphy paused at the small of her back and lifted his hands away, and the next time he touched her she felt something cool and fluid on his fingers and her heart, already thudding painfully against her ribs, felt ready to leap out of her chest. His hands moved carefully and she followed his progress, one deep breath after another and her resistance disappearing even as the pleasure she felt where her body met Connor's spread through her with every breath she took. Murphy's hands were slow and steady, moving down her spine to her ass, carefully pushing one finger inside her, then two, and she inhaled sharply as between him and Connor, her senses began to swim away with her.
"Are ye all right?" Murphy asked, concern softening his tone.
She nodded.
"For Christ's sake, Renata, ye better fuckin tell me if I hurt ye," he pleaded.
"I will," she promised, her words scarcely above a whisper.
He moved his fingers in and out and a shiver rippled up her spine, making her rock more insistently against Connor. He cursed softly and his hands tightened on her hips, and Murphy asked her, "Are ye still all right?"
"Yes," she replied.
He drew his fingers out just as carefully and she felt him press against her, his desire plain by the hard-on throbbing at her backside and his uncertainty by the way he hesitated. "Are ye ready?"
She nodded again. "Yes. I am."
"Slowly, Murph," Connor cautioned, the words clipped and breathless.
"Aye." He obeyed, pushing himself into her a little at a time, and though she and Connor had stopped moving to allow Murphy to penetrate her, she was sure she was about to climax then and there. Both of them at once, filling her so absolutely, feeling them as deep inside her as if they would never be gone from her again even after they came apart. She clutched at Connor's shoulders as Murphy went deeper and he lifted a hand to her face, brushing her hair away from her eyes and stroking her cheek, needing to keep touching her and trying to soothe her, doing his best to ignore the way her body reacted to Murph's and drove him even higher. "Relax, love," he whispered, though he knew she could feel the tremble in his hand, "just keep breathin..."
She was so hot and tight it was almost too much. Murphy closed his eyes and tried to remember slowly, slowly, his hands tightening on her waist and he wasn't sure if it was his grip or his cock that made her gasp and her body tense but the sudden resistance ripped a moan from his lips even as he froze in fear. He would never forgive himself if he hurt her but God she felt so fucking good. "Okay?" he asked, one word all he could manage.
"Yes," she replied, high pitched.
"Both of ye just fuckin breathe," Connor repeated, fighting for clarity though the tension in her body was about to overcome his as well.
"Yes," they answered, and she reached back to offer Murphy her hand. He took it, clutching at her fingers and trying to breathe with her as he bottomed out and bowed his body over hers, eyes still shut tight. He held still and kept breathing, lacing his fingers through hers and simply holding on, wanting to move, afraid to move, and too caught up in the feel of her to do more than stay where he was, her heartbeat echoing through him while he breathed her deeper and deeper.
She felt a moment of panic, so completely overwhelmed it was frightening, but Murphy held her hand in his and she focused her eyes on Connor's, locking his gaze with hers. As she felt earlier with Murphy, it was like looking straight into his soul and letting him see hers with nothing in between. He hid nothing from her and though it was unnerving to see so much, it kept her from being swept away, Connor's eyes and Murphy's hand keeping her there with them.
One more deep breath and she squeezed Murphy's hand, and he slowly began to move. She felt his shudder of pleasure as her own, electricity flashing through her body so she followed his motion and rocked against Connor, who let out a soft groan and thrust up into her, pushing her back toward Murphy. Their pace was cautious and restrained at first, finding a rhythm and though no one said it, giving Renata the chance to stop. But how could she stop now, when more than ever it felt like one heartbeat between them, one moan of ecstasy, one soul reaching out so desperately for a perfect, fleeting moment of...of...
"Oh God..."
There was no telling who whispered the words like a frantic prayer, but with them were all three swept away. They crashed into her over and over again and she surged between them, moving from one to the other and quickly losing all sense of who was where. Their assault was like nothing she had ever felt before, hovering the delirious edge between exquisite pain and wondrous rapture. She snatched at Connor's hand and held it to her heart as she released Murphy's and reached up to seize a handful of his hair, pulling him to her throat. He went with a groan, biting hard, and she let out a strangled cry, chanting their names in a desperate litany. "Connor, Murph, Connor, Murph..."
They both held on tighter and drove harder, claiming her piece by piece as she took more and more of them in return. She felt tears start in her eyes, pleasure and pain fused together and more intense with every stroke, but there was no way she would tell them to stop. Dear God, they were going to tear her in half, but that was only in her body and she had her sights set on something beyond, just out of reach but getting closer and closer...
Murphy's force pushed her nearly flat onto Connor's chest and she braced with her free hand against the mattress, letting her arm take the impact without letting go of Connor. Connor himself pushed back until she was arching into Murphy, three pairs of hands scrabbling for purchase against slickened skin as they struggled together, whatever boundaries still existed growing thinner and thinner yet...
Connor wound his fingers into her hair and he pulled her down to him, the blue of his eyes dissolved to black, gasping between frantic thrusts, "Fuck...Jesus...Renata, I'm gonna...I'm gonna..."
"God yes," she burst out. "God-Connor-please-" Behind her, Murphy let out a noise somewhere between a groan and a snarl.
Connor thrust once more and-
Even years later, Renata would struggle to describe it. Connor came first, then she and Murphy followed one after the other, and as ecstasy beyond her imagination swept through her it was...like...awakening...coming alive for the first time in a place so high part of her would never come back, fusing and twisting and twining with them past return. And yet even as they were so high, they were falling, gravity catching them yet somehow never letting them hit the ground. For a second that felt like a lifetime, they were caught somewhere that transcended time, form, and thought, lost in the ether where there was no coming down, no hope of coming back whole. Tears flowed down her face as ecstasy disappeared and her heart shattered to pieces, knowing she would never be this close to them again.
She didn't want to let go so soon and they didn't either; Connor held her so tight she could hardly draw breath and Murphy's face was still buried in her neck, where she could hear him crying softly along with her. It was hard to say which of them was shaking the most, they all trembled and quaked in the aftershock, and in the middle of all the confusion, the madness, the emotion, they all shared a similar sense of relief anchored in the way they held onto each other. Lost, yes, but each still reaching for the other.
She smoothed her hand over Murphy's hair and heard Connor murmur something in Gaelic as she closed her eyes. She slowly came back to herself, the pieces of her heart still scattered around her, but she let them lie. She wouldn't survive whatever was coming, but she would carry this with her as long as she lived. She couldn't regret this, when they raced off together toward the unknown and flung themselves into oblivion and yet... Their searching hands met, fingers locking together, a sense of belonging passing from one to the other. I found you.
The words were unnecessary.
For the love of God leave me some love!