By the time Clint made it down to the garage, duffel bag slung haphazardly over his shoulder, the car was packed and Loki was already asleep in the backseat. The sun had yet to come up, and the light from inside the car was the only one in the room, so he didn't notice Natasha until she stepped directly in front of him.
"Go back inside, Clint. I already told you you aren't coming."
"C'mon, Nat, don't leave me here with just Tony. I'll die of boredom in two days flat. Besides, don't pretend like you don't need all the help you can get protecting the kid. Tony can fly out with his suit, I'd end up taking hours in a jet if you needed me."
Natasha leaned up against the car, eyebrow raised. "And since when are you so interested in protecting him?"
He shifted uncomfortably. "Don't be like that, I said I was sorry. I thought we'd moved on."
"Sorry if I have a little more trouble than you with moving past your attempted murder." The sarcasm in her voice stung, and Clint looked down.
"I know you have every right to be upset with me, but think about this. There's no reason for me not to come, I'm basically useless fighting alongside Tony if there's a Chitauri attack here anyways."
He could feel her stare burning into him, nearly making him take a step back, until she sighed. "Fine. But you have to wake Loki up, and I get shotgun."
The look of apprehension the boy gave him when he climbed into the seat next to him was well deserved, but it still hurt. Steve, already waiting in the drivers seat, didn't comment on his sudden appearance. They pulled out of the garage, tension and worry thick in the air and Beyoncé playing softly from Steve's phone, and Clint had to hold in a sigh. It was going to be a long drive.
Loki had ben looking forward to spending a few hours with the avengers he most trusted, but when Clint climbed in to the car his heart dropped. It wasn't that he blamed the man for what he'd done, but he couldn't help being a little scared of him. Besides, an uncomfortable middle seat squashed between two huge men wasn't the idea way to travel.
He did eventually manage to get some rest despite his nervousness, but the twist in his stomach when he woke to find his head leaned on Clint's shoulder made the hour of sleep far from worth it and he nearly fell trying to get out of the car fast enough.
Glancing up at the building they had arrived in, his nose scrunched up in disapproval. Knowing what he did about the team, he had expected something, if not fancy, at least large enough to comfortably house five people, but what he saw in front of him was barely more than a shack. From looking at it, he guessed it was two bedrooms at most. A sudden hand on his shoulder made him jump, and he looked up to see Natasha looking back with sympathy.
"Sorry bud. I know it's not exactly stark tower, but believe it or not Bruce here was the only one of us to own small property away from the city. If we want to stay hidden, this is our best bet.
She was right, and besides, he had absolutely no reason to complain. They were doing this for him. So he conjured up a smile for her, took the bag she handed him and followed her inside.
"Me and Steve will take the back room, Loki gets the spare bed, and Bruce can have the couch." Natasha was pulling blankets from a closet to pile onto the coffee table. "Clint, you can sleep on the floor."
"Gee, thanks." Clint rolled his eyes and dropped his duffel beside the couch.
Loki felt an immediate pang of guilt. "I don't need a bed to myself, Clint can have it."
"Alright-"
"No," Natasha interrupted. "Clint does not get a bed because he was not invited to come in the first place. There's no reason for you not to get one, you're the reason we're here at all."
Another sharp twinge of guilt. "Yeah, and that's why none of you should have to sleep on the floor. I mean, I'm young, I can take a few nights on the ground." He forced a laugh even as memories of his week on the cold New York concrete flashed through his mind. Judging from the look on Nat's face, she was having similar thoughts, but to his surprise didn't immediately shut him down again. Instead she sighed and glanced behind her to look into the back bedroom.
"Alright. But you aren't sleeping on the ground, and Clint doesn't get a bed unless Bruce feels like cuddling. You can stay with me and Steve."
Guilt more or less alleviated for the moment, Loki flashed her a smile and went to deposit his bag in the back room. The bed was a decent size, but it wasn't really built for three people and he figured once Steve and Natasha were asleep he could curl up in the armchair in the corner to give them some room. Despite what she had said, the whole situation was on him, and didn't feel right making anyone else any more uncomfortable than they needed to be.
It was a solid enough plan, but unfortunately one based off of the sleeping pattern of the only avenger he had slept beside. The house would have to start to collapse before Thor would wake up, but he had barely sat upright when Natasha's eyes flicked open. She didn't say anything, but in the dark her direct gaze was intimidating and he stuttered out an excuse.
"I'm… just going to go get something."
She breathed a laugh at that, shifting up onto her elbows to look at him better. "Stay in bed, god of lies. There's plenty of room, you don't need to leave." She gestured to Steve, who had wrapped himself tightly in a blanket and was taking up barely any room at all. When he hesitated, she pulled herself up to sit beside him. Silence hung heavy in the air, perforated only by the soft creaking of the trees and the sound of Clint snoring in the living room. Just when Loki was about to turn his head to see if maybe she'd fallen back asleep, Natasha spoke. "You need to stop trying to punish yourself."
He did turn to look at her now, his brow furrowing in confusion. "I'm not-"
"I know it's not a conscious decision, but you're letting your guilt take over your ability to care for yourself, and it needs to stop."
He didn't even try and correct her this time, his thoughts working too rapidly to come up with a good response. He was definitely thrown, and it must have showed on his face because her voice softened when she spoke again.
"You're not eating, even when you're hungry, you refuse to ask for help when you need it, you sleep sitting up half the time even when you have a huge bed to yourself, and whenever you tell a lie you dig your fingernails into your arm." He glanced down, and sure enough there were tiny crescents of scab and redness along his forearm. How had ne not noticed those?
"I… I don't remember…"
"I know. And trust me, I understand. I know you aren't really doing it on purpose, but it's dangerous behavior, and you need to let us help you, ok?" She turned to look directly at him.
"You don't need to help me." His voice cracked with a sudden wave of emotion. He tried to swallow down the weakness and continue, but it kept trying to rise up and choke him with tears coming from nowhere. He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to force away the abrupt onslaught of feelings, but the next moment Natasha's arms were around him and he was sobbing into her shoulder. He was vaguely aware of Steve shifting beside him, and of Natasha talking softly to him before another solid presence pressed up against him and he was sandwiched between the two adults. He laughed at the situation even as his body shuddered with sobs, closing his eyes and letting himself lean into the arms of his friends. It took a while, but eventually he managed to relax, warm and safe between them.
The next week was a rough one. He passed his time with basic combat lessons from the various superheroes (Natasha was teaching him how to hit things, Steve to throw). These left him tired and sore nearly every night, and the mood that hung over the house kept him on edge most of the time. Some combination of the cramped conditions and the threat of attack hovering over their heads was making everyone very irritable, and the lack of a good wifi connection wasn't helping.
On the bright side, Loki had noticed a significant increase in his energy levels since he'd started making himself eat a little more (apparently, energy and focus were things needed to fight), and despite the downsides the training he was getting seemed to be moving along quickly. He knew it wouldn't be much good against a Chitauri, but knowing he could throw a punch still made him feel a little less helpless.
His magic was getting stronger as well. It was all self taught, but he'd gone from levitating pencils to being able to break off tree branches and keep a duplicate of himself visible for almost a solid minute. Natasha supervised this, and even though she would never say anything he could tell it scared her a little. Magic was not something she knew how to deal with, and despite the fact that she was never anything but supportive he could still sense the apprehension in her as she watched him improve.
Her internal misgivings were nothing compared to Clint's, however. He never watched, going as far as to always stay inside with the blinds closed whenever he practiced.
To be fair, Clint avoided him most of the time no matter what he was doing. If he were training in the field, the archer would be inside, and if he went into the house he would take his bow and go shoot at trees for a while. Loki understood why he wouldn't want to be around him, but it still bothered him a little bit.
"Why did he even come?" He was sitting on the couch with Steve, who had been trying to teach him to patch up a hole in his jeans, and watching Clint through the windows. "It seems like he would have been happier staying at the tower."
Natasha looked up from her book. "He's stubborn, and he understood that staying at with Stark would have been a kind of punishment. So now we have to put up with him." Out in the field, a flock of birds shrieked and scattered to avoid an arrow. "I'll talk to him about it though. He's not the most recognizable superhero in the world, maybe we can send him into town for a while. Get him out of our hair."
Later that night, Loki listened in on a barely-whispered fight from the living room between their resident assassins. He could barely understand half of it, but it ended in a slammed door and the car speeding away much faster than was probably advisable in these dark woods. A moment later, the bedroom door cracked open and Natasha poked her head in. "I'm taking the couch tonight. Clint'll be back tomorrow." She left again before Loki could question her about the argument.
Sharing a bed with only Steve was odd. Built like he was, Loki had expected him to sleep similar to his brother, but his usual 'curled up around a pillow' position had disproven that pretty quickly. Both Steve and Natasha had frequent nightmares- that came with the job, he supposed- but his jerky movements and mumbled names(who was Bucky?) were miles from her frozen body and twitching facial expressions. Maybe it was the person missing from their room, but when Steve woke himself later that night with a choked cry, he allowed the tears to fall instead of trying immediately to hide them. Loki had not yet fallen asleep and watched silently from the other side of the bed.
Watching felt a little invasive sometimes, but honestly, knowing this about them made him feel more than a little better. On nights when flashbacks from a life that didn't seem like his own would wake him, he could remember that the comfort he was offered wasn't out of pity, but from understanding.
Besides, it was a nice reminder of how human these superhumans were.
A/N
look at me, I'm putting my note at the end for once. I couldn't get this chapter to flow like I wanted it to at all, so if there's any writers (or just readers who know what's up) who want to give me some pointers on how to smooth it out, I'd love some help. Yes, I realize it's been forever, and I'm very sorry. But like I said, I'm not gonna give up on this stupid story even if everyone stops reading. That isn't to say that people reading doesn't help though, so please review if you can spare the time. I've hit that point in the school year where I write in class instead of focusing, so there's a decent chance the next update will come faster, especially if I have motivation. Thanks!